Absurd Truth: Heckler Hero

It's his life mission to make bad decisions.

It's time for Florida Man. Man, this is the worst disguise I've ever seen. A Florida man in Tampa decided to put on his best dress to go and steal himself a boat on Wednesday afternoon, according to the Clades County Sheriff's Office. Just after 3 p.m., deputies were investigating a stolen boat in the Ocalusa Lodge in Lakeport. They said deputies were surveying the area cane, and they spotted the suspect identified as Joshua Kolkota at 33 years old. He left his house as a lady to disguise himself. He did not want to be caught by the police. And he was arrested for the stolen boat, the theft of a John Deere Gator vehicle. And he also had two warrants out on his name.

And they're working with Seminole Police to help identify some of these other stolen items. He is in the worst wig ever, and that dress is heinous. Let's put that out there. That is one ugly man. It's unconvincing.

I don't know if one can put that picture up on the screen. Well, Juan's getting it. I mean, that haircut is heavy and is in need of some serious layering.

I am not convinced. And what is up with them icy highlights? Like, what? Man, I don't know.

If you're going to try to dress as a woman to disguise yourself, like, be convincing, you know, like, we ain't asking for a lot. A Florida man passed out in the turn lane starts singing to the radio and he's arrested for suspected really think DUI. Also in Tampa, Florida man was found passed out behind the wheel of his truck in the middle of a turn lane. And Marion County Sheriff's Office when they arrived on the scene, he broke into song. David Boose, he was unresponsive when they first got there. And then as they as they awoke him, he began to sing along to the radio and quote, showed signs of impairedness.

Really? deputies ordered him out of the truck. They asked him, this is the best. No, it's not.

It's bad, but it's funny. They got him. They asked him to get out of the truck and they go, How much did you have to drink that night tonight? And he said, quote, not enough. The deputy responded, I would disagree with that. When they asked him to perform a field sobriety test he denied and he refused to provide a breath sample at the jail but he was clearly inebriated.

And yeah, didn't go well for him. We have our third hour on the way we got culture we got some stuff in DC we got 2024 November stick with us. People who bring your free radio include the folks over at Caltech you guys are very familiar with a sub 2k which is their nine millimeter carbine. It's been shipping for a while now. And if you if you're familiar with the previous iterations, the Gen three has some upgrades on it. So makes it I mean, the Gen three the whole thing folds in half. I mean, all of them fold in half, it makes it easy to store deployed to accurate gonna fun on the range. This nine millimeter carbine though, you don't have to detach your optics to fold it in half. It's just just a super easy, simple, singular twist and fold motion in either direction to get your to fold it in half. You don't have to detach your optics anymore.

It just the whole thing folds right in half. And it also takes Glock mags you got Glock 19 mags that fit flush and better improved trigger redesign mechanics lighter five pound pull that translates to improved accuracy, upgraded action as well and makes it easier to rack and internal buffer means software recoil. So it's awesome. It's from Caltech made in America, Florida based family owned and operated and they make some really innovative stuff and we need more of them. So to learn more about the sub 2k Gen three visit Caltech weapons.com.

That's K e l t e c weapons.com and tell them Dana sent you. And by not taking it on an expedited basis, sort of taking it under regular order here. They've already created a significant delay here. That means that this election case, however they rule, can't go to trial probably before the fall. And now we come to exactly what they're considering here, which is the question of whether a president has absolute immunity.

And then there's a second question here, which is whether anything that Donald Trump is accused of would actually constitute a president, a presidential act implicated in the immunity question. Yeah, just making sure you're okay. Do you need, is everything okay? We hear someone yelling.

It's fine. We have a heckler here. I've got to say they obviously have been following the David Packer testimony. They're yelling fake news and they obviously want viewers to know that Donald Trump lied about JFK's assassination, tried to blame, uh, blame Ted Cruz. Uh, he's yelling fake news also because Donald Trump lied along with David Packer together to lie about things dying because there was a troll that literally just rolled the whole MSNBC morning show crew.

Oh, okay. What exactly was he saying? Something fake news. You're fake news. At first I didn't know what he was saying when I heard it. I'm like, what is he saying? Yeah, you're fake news. The truth is painful to the media. And they were just like going on trying to act like he wasn't back there.

That guy I feel like deserves, deserves a medal really. You know, I just, first off, welcome back to the program. Dana Lash with you. We are at the top of this third hour and apparently we got tornadoes rolling through Texas. It's super easy to be on air and focus when you got all your kids out there in tornado land. But uh, anyway, so everybody be safe out there.

Right? And this, I was thinking about this, you know, you can listen to the show, by the way, coast to coast. You can stream it simulcast, which are watch.

If you're watching the simulcast of the radio show, you can catch on three 47 direct TV, X, all the other platforms. I really, you know, some people you can get stickers made up or like cards made up or how people put ducks on people. What is that when people put ducks on people's cars?

Have you guys seen that? What is that? It's like a thing. I don't know. I have no idea.

Steve, you know what that is? I got it because it's not a jeep thing either. I don't think like apparently, okay, so well maybe it's just a jeep thing. Apparently if you get a duck, it is a show of respect for your car from another jeep on it. Jeep owners have their own world.

That's true. There's like you do the jeep wave and all this stuff. They have their own thing and I love it because I Google this and somebody goes, why do people keep putting ducks on my car? Usually it's like nice. It is a jeep thing. It's it's called jeep ducking. Really? It is.

You know what, Kane? Be careful when you say that. We got a lot of bad things that are happening in this world. So if somebody if a grown man wants to place a rubber duck on another grown man's jeep, let him. Okay, let him do an act of kindness. Let the bras have their moment.

Okay. Although this sounds like a chick thing from being real. Like I don't care if y'all guys do it.

But y'all guys did not come up with this. This is a chick that did this. Seems like it. Now is there a law that it would violate? I don't know. I don't think so.

Yeah, so I don't see if there's an issue with this. Apparently they are badges of pride for the jeep folks. I used to have a jeep. I had a jeep for a long time. And you put them on the dash for other people who drive jeeps to see. So if you get ducked, then you put the duck on your dashboard. It's like a got it. Yeah, it's like a I don't know. It's like one of them stick. That's like us getting a book it sticker. Right?

How many books you read? How many ducks you got? Right? Something like that.

Yeah. So if someone leaves a duck on your jeep, it's like it's it means you've been ducked and somebody likes your jeep and wanted to make you smile. Kane's favorite topic is the ducking. No, it isn't. It's called ducking jeep duck.

Just be okay. ducking. Have we not exhausted? No, I'm with a new word. We're learning it today.

It's educational. This thing. Yeah, we haven't exhausted this.

No, we haven't. And apparently, sometimes if you sell your jeep, the ducks go with it. Oh, really? That's a new one. I don't know.

Kelly blue book like it adds value. I don't know. But can I also say that if you've got all the ducks up in your dash, you're I'm going to immediately assume that you are a hoarding cat lady with like 50 cats. And you're a hoarder. Because it looks something like hoarders would do.

Have you seen the images of it? Of like a million people that have like a million ducks in their in their afford to give a windshield. They could afford to give a duck or two. It just looks like you look like a hoarder. I mean, a couple is okay.

But you don't need it from end to end lined up. That's a little much. You know what I'm saying? Yeah.

That seems like that's a lot. And you can't take turns at that point. Or they're falling out the side. Yeah, I don't know. But yeah, if you get a little duck like that, that's what it means.

And they're actually called Jeep ducks. People pay to get this done. Anyway, I would do this with like little inexpensive metals. So if I see someone being like the real MVP that day, I would give them like a great job citizen metal. You know what I'm saying?

Like that guy? I'd be like, sir, sir, can I speak to you for a moment? And then on my phone, I would play like, some award music, like pomp and circumstance or something like that. And as that played, I would bequeath the individual, I would lay the metal around their neck.

Great job, sir. It's your citizenship metal, good citizenship, and I'd walk away. Maybe Olympic style theme, as you're putting the metal right on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like I'd have a ready to rock on my on my phone.

I like it. I don't know how many metal because I just it's every it's not often but every now and then I see something where I'm like, yeah, good job. And it's usually something like this. But yeah, that guy out there. And he just he he rolled the whole morning show there. He got Joe Scarborough, all upset. And Joe Scarborough had like, like he was talking like that dude could hear him. Wouldn't he? Well, I just said this guy's probably upset cuz it's all top line. Like the dude could hear him.

The dude couldn't hear him. Come on. This is ridiculous. Y'all.

So it looks ridiculous. So anyway, I'm just saying I would like the like a citizenship and you know, you could put them on your rearview mirror when you get one. Right? Right. Yeah, like and you're walking in a parking lot and you see one of those metals and you go wait a second you double take that person performed a good deed.

That's a good citizenship medal. So I'm just saying I'd probably do or like that union worker audio we played yesterday and the guy was like, you know, what would you tell Joe Biden? He's like, Yeah, I tell him to blah, blah, blah.

I can't even say it. Be like, sir. And then play the music.

Lay the metal around his around his head. You're a good citizen. Well done, sir. That's it, right? A good deed deserves a good right. Good recognition. Dost thou agree radio land? Yes.

I'm not I'm actually not even joking. I think I actually want to do this. We should always acknowledge good deeds. That's how we get more good deeds. Yeah, but I'm one of the kids who has to have a sticker in order for it to count like I need. I need a visible measure of it so I can not brag personally, but it can look like it's something, you know, just you know what I mean?

Like, if it's if you can see it, I don't need to brag about it. It's like all the emblems and stuff that you get with dark tie, right? You get your skull frame if you kill like however many hundreds of thousands of bad dudes. And I got a skull frame, right? I don't need to brag that I've killed a lot of stuff. I got my skull frame that does it for me. So see, that's what the metal does. It does it for you. And now all of the news you would probably miss.

It's time for Dana's quick five. So I thought pandas were like funny because they're total funny chaos whenever you look on social media, right? If you see anything about pandas that come up, that's usually what it is. This is a story out of China where apparently, pandas attacked a zookeeper in front of screaming onlookers.

The pandas ran towards the zookeeper. She appeared with snacks, one of them bitter ankles, knocked her to the ground. Then they were climbing over, burying her underneath them. They're pawing at her head. She's rolling side to side trying to get them off.

Not happening. And usually they say, well, these are highly unusual. So they had to have another zookeeper go in and help her. But yeah, was it the snacks?

Like what was it? Because aren't they supposed to be friendly? I don't know. They're they're adorable looking. Aren't they supposed to be friendly? I think they're bears. Yeah, they're pandas. Yeah, but they're bears.

Yeah, but they're pandas though. Can someone explain to me why this happened or how Nestle destroyed two million Perrier bottles because fecal bacteria was discovered in one of its wells? Oh, there's a they said, literally this article starts with it's IB it's IB times. If you've had a gold class of Perrier recently, not to alarm you, there's a big chance that you probably drink some fecal bacteria. French officials demanded that they stop using one of their wells in God's south of France due to contamination concerns. That's so gross.

Again, I just I want to get a lot of Zarka water I like or if I have to do aqua panna or Fiji. I just I need to know if it's human or animal. What are they talking about? It's somebody. Does it matter?

Yeah, because the difference would be a humans pooping in the well. Is that what's happening? It's France. I wouldn't doubt it. I mean, I don't know.

Who knows? Scientists forge an impossible material, a metal alloy with unmatched strength and toughness in all temperatures. It's actually pretty cool.

They said that it's researchers in the U.S. It's super strong and tough. They can retain these properties at both extremely low and high temperatures, which is unusual. It's composed of a bunch of stuff I can't say, and also titanium. And it's great for aerospace engines and other things that are awesome. I mean, do you want me to tell you what it is?

Niobium tantalodium. Yeah, it's basically that. It's it. It's made of Wolverine stuff.

That's all you guys need to know. City removes and preserves a Chicago rat hole after after complaints from the neighbors. It's an infamous rodent-shaped sidewalk dent that was removed and preserved this morning. And it's called the Chicago rat hole. It's valuable to those people that live there. They don't got a lot in Chicago with all the crime and all that stuff. So let the people have their damn rat hole. Okay, let them have it. It first went viral in January and they've made a makeshift shrine because that's what people do, including a framed photo of it, a cardboard coffin and coins strewn across the sidewalk.

People literally would wait in line down the block to see it. Chicago, stick with us. Speaking of metals, I wasn't going to go this route. I start, Juan's like, great, what is she doing now? Does she give me this element?

Do I have these assets? I'm sorry. Let me pull this up. It just made me think of it. I ended up saving it because I thought maybe I'll talk about this. Maybe I won't.

It's one of those things that I saved. I'm like, well, if I talk about it, it'll be on a Friday when it's a little more cash. So that ginger, Harold from Britain, the guy who comes over here and acts like he's Prince, I don't know that, that, you know what I'm talking about. When Jim ginge.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. When Jim ginge him and his briefcase girl anyway. So he presented a Soldier of the Year award to US combat medic. And he said, I don't understand why we're having a British dude give an award to a US soldier. That was weird to me. But then he did this cringe video.

Well, we don't need to play it. But if Juan freezes it, we'll show you where he was standing. According to the Daily Mail, he was standing at the back door of his Montecito mansion, his Olive Garden McMansion. Yeah. And he was wearing all his little medals on his thing, you know, like the North Koreans do. All those little medals on his thing. I don't even know what they're all for.

He had a whole line of them. I'm like, why are you doing you're like British? No offense. You know, I love my British friends. But like you're in the US, and you're giving an award to it.

You're a British dude. You're giving an award to a US soldier. And I guess it was because the person who won it participated in the Invictus Games, which is something that he does. And I don't I don't understand these.

Like apparently his wife out there is out there selling crappy jam. He's with all of his medals. We're watching it. You guys can't see it.

But we're what now you guys can't watch. So he's got all his medals there. He's British. That's his back porch of his Montecito Olive Garden mansion.

Unlimited stick. And he's there giving an award to a US soldier. Is that weird? Or am I being just or am I allowing my extreme dislike of him?

It's weird color everything. And I think it has to do with him wanting to Americanify himself. Yeah, but he doesn't bring his Brit stuff over here to do it.

I agree with that 100%. Boy, those medals look impressive, though, didn't they? Like the North Koreans do, you know, just where they they have all their bling the North Koreans tweet there they treat their medals like a flare at TGI Friday, right? Like how many pieces of flare do you have? Or like office space, right?

How many pieces you have to have eight pieces of flare. And his wife, who desperately wants to get into politics, has been she created give me indulge me for a moment indulge me. She created the stupid company that has a weird name. And she's selling crappy looking jam with labels and properly attached to it. And she's been giving people baskets of wilted flowers, bruised lemons and bad jam. And that's like her thing. She doesn't even have any products, but she came out with a company.

I get Hunter Biden vibes from these two, like major Hunter Biden vibes. Maybe you know, they're not total. Well, he's he maybe she isn't but he did may or maybe snort and crack off a hooker's backside. I don't know. That's there's a joke in there. But it seems this is so cringe.

It's so cringe, they need to stop trying so hard. But anyway, if you guys didn't, if you guys missed the the story, they were trying to get information about whether or not he was even eligible to be in the United States because of his past admitted drug use. And the administration blocked questioning from it. Because he's special. See, he's special. S P E S H U L special. Thanks for tuning in to today's edition of Dana Lashes absurd truth podcast. If you haven't already made sure to hit that subscribe button on Apple podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.