Absurd Truth: Pride Pledge Allegiance

Dana Lashes of Sir Truth Podcast sponsored by Kel-Tec. It's life's mission to make bad decisions. It's time for Florida Man. I'm not trying to laugh at this, but it's so funny. Okay, and maybe I was trying to stifle a laugh and it made my eyes water. Police in central Florida are on the hunt for a man who was accused of robbing a Bank of America while wearing a wig. Now, he was, is that a face mask that he's wearing?

Like not like, pre-COVID, but like a COVID face mask? See, ah. He entered the Bank of America in Edgewater, showed the bank teller a note as he displayed a firearm. He had a fake wig on. Well, obviously fake, but they had a wig on. And he's a big dude.

And they, police are sharing photos of him using a long-haired wig, blue jeans, a white shirt, gray zip-up jacket, carrying a little black bag. And nobody would ask questions because we're in that era where, I mean, don't assume his pronouns. You know, he's just doing very poorly as a woman. No, right?

Am I right? You can't ask questions because that maybe he's worried about the pandemic. Maybe he's a trans, you know, so you can't ask questions. Pre all of that, people would be like, you're here to rob us.

But now you can't because you're assuming it's pronouns. So I don't know. Anyway, so they're, they can't find him now. This dude robbed a bank.

He robbed a bank and you're urged to contact a detective. So this is the way. Yeah, apparently that's it. You know, the people that were our happiest about the train stuff and the face masks, robbers, bank robbers. Because like I said, before all of that, y'all would have been like, that's it. That man's going to rob us.

I need to hit the alarm. But now you can't because it's considered mean. Maybe he's here to rob you. Maybe he just just started trying to be a woman. And he's just horrible. You don't know.

And he's worried about germs. You don't know. I don't even know how this happened. A Florida woman was missing for days and they found her in a shipping container.

You know, that happens sometimes. Yeah, it was Click Orlando Marlene Lopez. She was missing. They found her the next day just before noon. They found her in a shipping container next to a business. They asked, what happened? She said she didn't know.

I was in one place and found in another. And apparently the people who own the shipping container, they win it. They secured it for the night. They didn't know she was in there. But finally, they heard her New York Post said they somebody heard her banging on the from the inside.

And they call police. I'm not saying it's aliens. But yeah, well, she drugged and just stuffed in a container. Or aliens, or that she's wearing an early 90s neck choker. So I'm assuming drugs. Because it had a charm on it. If it was just a thin black choker, I'd be like, okay, maybe she's just, you know, retro. But it had a charm on it.

And I always thought that was the trashier version of it. So I'm thinking drugs. That's my that is Detective Dana figuring this out.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Apple AirTags. The Florida man is accused of stalking his ex using Apple AirTags. Girlfriend of Roberto Cuillon of 57 years old Florida man. He his girlfriend left him in October, but he began harassing her and stalking her. He would pass her home every day. Duct tape, handwritten letters to her car's windshield.

And she also found Apple AirTags in her vehicle several times. And then he was threatening that he would do something better. So he's in jail, Miami Dade held without bond. Mm hmm. Now this one. Hold up.

I want to this is actually I just think incredibly. This man is living in the future. Florida man was accused of posing as a drug cartel captive and extorting $80,000 from his wife, all to support his own drug habit. Yeah, a Melbourne Florida man. He lied and pretended that he was kidnapped by drug cartels. And he extorted his own wife for $80,000 so he could go buy more drugs. Yeah, Eric Paul Johnson 29 years old. And his wife reported him missing.

And then she said that she received messages from an unknown number demanding sums of money and they told her they that apparently we're the Mexican cartel and we have your husband and she believed them. I'm just saying. One of these, it turns out, is the way we govern ourselves. And one of the best examples of that is the Constitution of the United States. It explains what our government should look like and how it should function to best protect our rights. It was created to give us the freedom to make choices about the way we wish to live. Unfortunately, most colleges and universities today fail to teach our Constitution.

When they do, they often denigrate it. This is dangerous because it is impossible to preserve our liberty. If we don't understand where it comes from, and have the right to live. We have to learn how to protect it. Having a proper civics education is essential to preserving our freedom.

To learn more and get a free pocket Constitution, visit Constitutionminute.com. What you just heard, if you were listening coast to coast on an affiliate near you, if you're streaming, if you're listening later to the archived podcast, or if you're watching the simulcast live, either on Channel 347, DirecTV, YouTube, where the discussion happens, or Facebook, that was, Mayor Secretary, Vice Admiral of the canoe fleet at Camp Wipetanka, Poot Buttigieg, and that was Mr. Poot Buttigieg, Chasten, who is basically mocking, not basically, he's mocking the Pledge of Allegiance. It was recorded at a 2019 Iowa Safe Schools annual governor's conference on alphabet youth, and I have no idea why they feel the need to do this. And this dude's a middle school teacher. It was the Iowa Safe Schools thing.

It was their virtual graduation ceremony. First off, can I just point out the ludicrousness, the lunacy of having, you don't have to have a flag for everything, right? This is a flag for how you like to have sex. Okay?

And with whom? I get it that everybody wants to turn themselves into a brand, which is infuriatingly and sufferably annoying nowadays. But you don't need a flag or a marker or, I mean, are you that star for attention? Because people who need attention do this stuff. It's like, I need a flag because I like brownies without nuts, and I need a flag for that.

Or I like ankle socks, ever Chris socks. I need a flag for that. It's my life. It's my truth. It's just, it's a flag for how people have to sexes. Okay? Why do you need that? It's like saying, oh, I'm a dude.

I prefer to sit to pee. Where's my flag? I mean, you know, I don't get why you have to have some sort of announcement for every aspect of your life. You're cordoning yourself off by insisting upon having some kind of flag with some kind of – it's goofy. Just be a human. Be a part of the human race, right?

And then to have these kids do this? Look, Poot Buttigieg was, he was a DEI hire. He got selected. This Bob the Builder guy got selected because he's gay. That's why he got picked for this role. It's not because Secretary Buttigieg has some sort of immense qualifications in transportation.

It's not because Secretary Buttigieg is a lifelong affinity for vehicles. They act like he's like the American Jeremy Clarkson or something. He got picked because he has sex with dudes. That's why he was selected for no other reason. He ran against Joe.

Joe wanted to make his administration look young. Then he could also check the box of, well, here's a guy who's alphabet, and he installs him in this position. And Poot Buttigieg immediately puts out his identity politic of how he has sex before any other qualification like merit or skill or anything else. See, that's it. At some point, that's what our world's going to be. We're getting there. We're getting there, slowly but surely.

Your doctor will be – the surgeon operating on your guts will be the guy operating on your guts, not because he had the merit and skill to do it, but because of how he has the sex. It's going to happen. Just get used to it, right? You're going to die. So, it's true.

I mean, at least Rick Grenell, who was DNI, had, like, intel experience, right? Can I be real? I didn't even know that dude was gay until it came out and they tried to shame him over it because the left likes gay people until they find out you're a dirty Republican. And then all of a sudden, being gay is bad because they patent identity politics. You can't be gay. You can't be black. You can't be Hispanic. You can't be a chick unless you're a Democrat. The Democrat aspect validates all the other identity politics. So, you can't truly be any – I mean, Joe Biden told y'all. If you're not voting for him, you ain't black. That's how they literally view it. I'm not exaggerating. That's how they look at this stuff.

So, he was a DEI hire. Why is he holding up this flag? I'm confused as to how this is written. Was it a conference talking about alphabet youth or was it a gay kid camp? And then why are you sending your kids to gay camp?

I am made of jokes right now. You have to realize that I came of age in the 90s and I wish the 80s were my coming of age because that was, I feel like, a way better time. But things were still pretty politically incorrect then, right? I mean, The Goonies was out when I was a kid. Goonies, right? Remember that? The Brat Pack was like a, you know, they were a thing when I was growing up.

I just feel like there could have been like a PCU sort of thing with like – which still, I found the link on that, by the way. You got to look at it online because for some reason you can't watch it anymore. Jeremy Piven PCU, the best movie that was really a prophecy on where everything was going. It was making fun of identity politics and all of this woke stuff before, like decades before it happened. The whole Iowa Safe Schools thing, they were mad because Kim Reynolds was like, okay, we don't want dudes changing in women's locker rooms.

Now, that should not be a controversial thing. I told you how we had a cousin and this was in Hillsboro, Missouri, right? At the school there who was an athlete and there was an 18-year-old male who was over six foot who just decided, you know, one month he wanted to be a chick, demanded access to the girls' locker room so he could change. The girls were like all having to cram into the bathroom to change because they didn't want to have to change in front of this dude, understandably. Because remember, as Caitlyn Jenner said, you can be a dude and still attracted to chicks and dress like a chick because he still liked him the ladies. That's how goofy all this is.

And so he insisted on being able to change in the girls' locker room and the girls had no, the female athletes had no, what were they going to do? So they, all of the Iowa Safe School things, all the other alphabets, all the other letters, they're thrown into the street. It's all about the T. Oh, the L's and the G's? Get out.

LGB, get out. It's all about the T. The T's running all the other letters off. The T's telling the L's that they can't be truly L's and they're telling the G's they can't be truly G's. They're not saying anything to the B's but that's, you know. So they had mottos that said, two, four, six, eight, how do you know your kid is straight? How about two, four, six, eight, S-T-F-U.

Doesn't rhyme but it serves a purpose. Like seriously, what in the world? But they had their whole curriculum. They had a queer book club.

What does that even mean? Do gay people read books different? I know gay people. They don't read books differently than non-gay people. How does how you have to sex affect how you read to books?

Do I not know something? Did they just put their face on the book and absorb it by osmosis? Like how does that work? Dude, right? So they had that.

They had, let's see. Oh, queer current events. Okay, whatever that is.

Gingerbread. I mean, this is the dumbest stuff ever. I'm just going to say like if I was a super left person and I encouraged this and my kids, I would actually be offended by this list because it's patronizing and stupid. It's really dumb. So they had a whole thing about pronoun prep. This is what Chastin was involved in.

Yeah, the Secretary of Transportation who knows nothing about transportation. That's like making me the Minister of Football. Can you imagine? I would immediately say all the teams with ugly colors change them because your uniforms look heinous. I would immediately do that.

I totally would. Some of these colors out there, I'm like, that's gross. Like nobody wants that color. That looks like a 70s Afghan. Stop it.

Like a quilt, like a crocheted quilt or crocheted Afghan. It looks, no, nobody wants that. You know what I mean?

The brown and gold? No, change that. You all know what I'm talking about. I heard you all go, oh, because you all have one. Your moms have one.

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That's K-E-L-T-E-C-Weapons.com. Tell them that Dana sent you. And now, all of the news you would probably miss.

It's time for Dana's Quick 5. So, 50 people were injured by what's being called a strong movement on a plane. Do not let me forget to tell you about my airplane horror story. Oh, dude.

I cannot even believe I forgot to tell you this. Anyway, 50 people were injured by a strong movement on a plane traveling from Australia to New Zealand. This is what they're calling it. They said it was going from Australia to New Zealand. 50 people. It was a Chilean plane. Their airline said that there was a technical event during the flight which caused a strong movement.

They did not elaborate. They had 10 emergency vehicles when the flight touched down in Auckland. And most of the injuries were mild. 13 were hospitalized. One was in serious condition. And a number of them were not wearing their seatbelts. So, it suddenly dropped in the air is what it sounds like.

But still, that's kind of... Speaking of planes and stuff, a Boeing whistleblower, John Burnett, was found dead in his truck outside a South Carolina hotel just days after testifying in a lawsuit against the aviation giant. I'm sure this is just totally coincidental.

A 62-year-old man found dead in his truck in a hotel parking lot on Saturday just days after he, you know, gave a deposition about Boeing, claiming that they were using second-rate parts. And that's why things were... That's why there were some problems. They said that the ex-quality manager, that it was a self-inflicted wound and they're still investigating. Self-inflicted, for sure.

Okay, yeah, just let's go with that right now. Daily marijuana users, they say, are 25% more likely to have a heart attack. But Cain insists that it's not the Vax, guys. Because it is the Vax, guys. Do pot people?

Did they get the vaccine? Probably, I guess. Because the pot people... Like pot people, aren't they like hippies?

And so they drink that bacteria tea and they like go out into the woods and get hemp, wherever that is, and they weave it together into sandals and stuff. Some don't go that far. It seems like they wouldn't get it? Yeah, some don't go that far. I don't know, anyway.

Doctors cannot edit the genes inside of your body, according to the Wall Street Journal. But as Cain would like for you to know, it's not the Vax, guys. 47% of parents still financially support their adult children. Do you know why?

Because the economy is a giant deuce and they literally are trying to make it to where you can own nothing, you don't make anything and you're a serf to Uncle Sam. There you go. And, bringing new meaning to F-A-F-O, a robber finds out that, you know, if you try to mug an armed citizen, it's not going to go your way. A 60-year-old man was accosted by a guy who tried to rob him at an ATM, but he was legally able to carry and he pulled out his firearm. The two exchange gunfire.

The robber was shot multiple times and, well, he ended up not surviving. Don't mess around. Don't mess around. We have so much stuff on the way. Stick with us.

More in store. Now, speaking of trans tyranny, you guys know Cherry Curry, right? And if you don't, why? The Runaways, one of my absolute favorite bands because it was a girl rock band and they just pioneered girl rock and there are a lot of women today that are in rock and roll or people who like women in rock and roll that owe a debt of gratitude to Cherry Curry. She was the singer, right? So, she got canceled by trans tyrants at the ironically named Riot Grrrl Festival in Bisbee, Arizona.

They canceled her because she spoke out against the grooming of kids and targeting of kids with trans surgeries. The Riot Grrrl Festival. That whole festival wouldn't exist without people like Cherry Curry. All of these remedial power chord playing bitches can only have a space in the musical sphere because Curry blazed the path for you. People like Susie Quattro. People like Cherry Curry. People like Lita Ford.

So, bow down and give thanks. I just find that incredibly asinine. Yeah, she opposed the transitioning of minors. She's like, if you're an adult and she's even like more to the left of a lot of conservatives on the issue. She's like, if you're an adult and you choose to do this with your own dollars, that's one thing. She's like, but if you're a child, how? And I agree with the reasoning that it's not informed consent.

It is an informed consent. You're pumping people full of hormones. That, I'm going to tell you, I had an aunt. I don't want to give anybody's names. Who, when she went through menopause, they did all the hormones stuff with her. She ended up developing a serious health issue because of that. They have no idea. There are no long-term studies on this stuff. You're just jacking kids up with hormones to hell with the consequences they're going to have to deal with a decade down the road.

Big Pharma is like, yeah, that's not informed consent. And so, they're actually canceling her from the Riot Grrrl Festival. That's one of the funniest things I've ever heard of because that whole thing, if you know that term, took off in the early 90s.

It was L7 and really hard, grungy, guitar-driven rock. I mean, there were a bunch of bands that were there. But you have a lot of these new chicks that are out. And I'm like, how are you canceling this icon?

And some of the chicks that got big in the 90s, how are you canceling an icon like this? You either want to protect kids or you don't. She's saying, can we protect kids from this?

This is an informed consent. She's a thousand percent correct. And I think it's incredibly brave for her to go out and say stuff like this, especially in this environment.

There is nothing more metal or punk rock than what she just did. And she's not stepping down. She's not backing down off it either.

She is an absolute icon. If you think you're going to sit here and make Cherie Currie back down from something, you're a moron. You have no concept of this lady's history. She's a chainsaw artist, for crying out loud. You think that she's got time for your stupid political sensitivities about grooming kids?

Who the hell do these people think they are? The whole reason I ever picked up a guitar, I play rhythm guitar horribly and I can play drums. The only reason I ever did was because people like Cherie Currie. I had a Runaways T-shirt that I still have. You don't believe me?

Check my Twitter. True story. Golly.

Instead of like complaining about her performing somewhere, I would be punching chicks in the neck to be first in line to get a ticket to be front row to see her. And she's absolutely a thousand percent right. You know, pointing out that that kids should be protected from this hormonal experimentation. And that's exactly what it is, because they there are zero long term studies. It is so dangerous. Kids that are still going through puberty that haven't even fully formed yet. Oh, my gosh, this is so dangerous.

That's not care and it's not informed consent. And she's right. Thanks for tuning in to today's edition of Dana Lash's Absurd Truth podcast. If you haven't already, make sure to hit that subscribe button on Apple podcast, Spotify or wherever you get your podcast.