Absurd Truth: Gavin's Cringey Dennis Reynolds Impression

Dana Lashes of Sir Truth Podcast, sponsored by Kel-Tec.

It's his life mission to make bad decisions. It's time for Florida Man. All right, so people were shocked as a Florida Man wrestled and caught a wild shark. Is there any other type of shark? Domesticated.

Yeah, here's my domesticated shark. Some of it was on video as well, if this will actually open because I hate everything right now. No, people were shocked. This guy literally went in and caught and wrestled this thing. I don't know.

I mean, why? That's, I don't know, another day, another shark. The video, the guy said, it was like in this shot, really shallow area. And he did like walk him out, which I think he also makes him nuts. He walked him out to where he could, this shark could swim away.

I don't know if he just like got stuck in this shallow area or what. But I'm like, dude, you're nuts. First off, you're nuts. And then secondly, there's no other type of shark but a wild shark.

I mean, can I be real? I mean, I like wildlife and I want the wildlife to be happy and stuff. But I also at the same time, I'm like, if I see a shark of that size in a shallow area somewhere, bye shark. Sorry, sucks. For you.

It's a big bummer. No, I'm not gonna be like that. If it's trying to get you not just like if you randomly see it. Oh, my gosh, randomly see sharks.

It's because they come up to me. Sorry, but that's how it goes. Just punch it. Cain's gonna be just if you see a crazed man in Florida, jumping in random watering holes, just punching the wildlife. It's Cain. That's what's happening.

I gotta get this one too. I saw a Florida woman was sentenced to probation speaking to Gators. She was at a traffic stop.

Ariel McCann look, the choir. Look, we're it's it looks like it just looks like her name is the French way of spelling queer. I don't know.

Look, we're I don't know. She was arrested. They stopped her and this other guy they ran a stop sign and put a Gorda. And then as they had them step out of the car, she literally pulled a full long alligator out of her yoga pants. So yoga pants means leggings. Pretty sure girlfriend had a footlong Gator in her leggings. These are my Gator leggings.

These are the leggings that I wear when I go hunt Gators. She was out there catching snakes. They said that they were trying to collect snakes and frogs from underneath an overpass.

Right. And she they were they were can't even make us up. They were holding the things in a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles backpack just to I need to know. I need to know more about the yoga pants though. Like I'm looking at this and I need to know I need to know more about the the yoga pants. I mean, that's pretty impressive. Like what brand were those?

Did you get them off Amazon? Like I'm just curious. Let's see here. A Oh, man. A wild video shows a Gator chasing after golfers in Florida.

Oh, man, I'm gonna have to work again more to this tomorrow. But yeah, they were like chasing the golfers. Carts.

It's like a rabid Gator. Caltech the sub 2k. If you don't have yours yet, you should go out and get it.

They came out with a whole bunch of really cool stuff the past year. And the sub 2k this is the Gen three. So maybe some of you were like me and you already have the sub 2k. Well, you don't have this one. Because if you're unfamiliar with it, it's nine millimeter carbine, it folds entirely in half. Now previously, you would have to take off your optics, you don't have to any more. That's one of the upgrades with the Gen three, you don't have to attach your optics to fold it in half the simple twist and fold motion of the rotating foreign it's patent pending.

You can twist it in either direction. It folds the Gen three right in half and just as quickly and easily deploys it too. But they've they've continued to fine tune this innovative and reliable platform. So they have some other simple upgrades as well that kind of push it over the top the upgraded aluminum trigger redesign we can get a light and five pound pool. You also have upgraded action.

There's even a new chamber indicator as well. And of course, made in America family owned Caltech values at their best to learn more about this sub 2k and it looks like sub 2000 sub 2k Gen three visit Caltech weapons.com that's K e l t e c weapons.com tell them Dana sent you 100% pure projection on a guy who refused to debate in his own primary. Back to my point weakness masquerading. I mean, look, they got Trump dead to rights on that one.

That's why I'm like you can't and I don't want to say that because don't make me where I have to agree with someone that I don't want to agree with. Nothing presses the metal to the floor of totally chill to murderous faster than that. Welcome back to the show. You're living Daria here with you Dana lash can listen coast to coast. You can look at my brand new black t shirt.

It's like all of my other black t shirts except it's kind of new. And you can look at it live right now. Whoo. Can also join the live chat over at YouTube.

Find us at Facebook. Did you watch that interview with their who's the guy I'm thinking of? What's that?

What was that one weird kid show where they all were like were foam on their heads and foam costumes and right? Yeah, here's if you didn't like didn't that guy for real go to the dirt? Yeah. I almost don't want to know. Yeah, but he looked like he came from it. He's like a bad guy villain in that lazy town.

One doesn't want anybody to know that he knows that lazy town. We're not gonna say that we got it from you one. I think it's impressive. We know that. Yeah, actually. Thanks for putting us in that boat to thanks. Great job, Kane. Honest. We were like, we're too genox and call to know about us.

And then now we're like, wait a minute, how do we reference it in the first place? So he does. He looks like he's from lazy town that interview. So I watched not the whole thing twice, but I watched certain parts of it twice because I've that dude is going for a presidential medal in butt kissing. I mean, I've never even seen Kamala talk this nice about Joe Biden. So he's being asked, Oh, well, should he debate and then Gavin's like, Well, no, I mean, Trump didn't debate in the primary. Why should Biden debate? They're going to use that as a way to not have Biden debate. That's I hope everybody realizes this that's happening. I doubt that we're going to have a debate in the general election, which is a major.

I think that that's just as a voter, I find that disgusting. We should ever that's why you should have as many debates as possible, I think. Unless you have the same questions, because everyone has the same unimaginative approach.

See, I would be like, Alright, so you thought you came here for debate. But actually, you didn't. We have a series of trials for you to complete. The first one is you have to put together this 1100 piece Lego set without cursing one time. That's your first task. So it'd be like Hunger Games, but without death and like any serious skill set required, right?

The second game is you are the second task is you have to beat the first boss and Lords of the Fallen. Which is hard. So maybe that actually does require a serious skill set. And then the third one would be you have to get through a single sentence without forgetting where or who you are. Right? I mean, just things simple things like that.

And then I don't know, we'll we'll come up with some other tasks. So they, he just was fun and all over him falling all over the guy is this audio. So is audio somebody six more because he didn't really totally do it in five. But he what did he say that Biden he called Biden a masterclass and I legit fell out.

He called it a masterclass. Dude, you're laying it on too thick, right? You're laying it on too thick. It's the same feeling that you get when you're watching like a movie or TV show, right? And there's a bad guy who's trying to bluff his way out of this situation with the authorities by really being almost over the top in pleading his innocence, right?

Or trying to throw suspicion away from himself. And it just is you're uncomfortable. And it's cringy. And it's just awkward.

And I feel like that's close to 15. Watching Gavin Newsom. Yeah, is this where he's fun and all over a masterclass?

It's such a he's such a genius, brilliant president. This is so uncomfortable. You got to cringe with me.

We're gonna cringe right out of our chairs. Go ahead. I mean, this what he's done in three years has been a masterclass close to 15 million jobs.

That's eight times more than the last three Republican. Okay, can we stop for just a second? Okay. When the economy is shut down by force, under threat of penalty by the government.

Okay. And a lot of people have their jobs. They're either suspended or they lose them outright. And then when you reopen the economy, you don't get to say that all of the jobs that are coming back that were there previously, and are now coming back are brand new jobs that you've created. You also don't get to say because you're expanding the size of the federal government, that look at all these brand new jobs I just created because you literally expanded the government. They're they're actually included in their numbers 88,000 new IRS agents. And they're trying to go look at all these jobs we created. Look at this. Look, look at the jobs. That's what they're doing.

They're trying to say that these are additional jobs that they've created because Biden, as you know, is leading a masterclass. Okay, go ahead. I'm dying. Sorry. Play the rest of it. I'm sorry.

I shouldn't have interrupted. What in the world? He acts like Joe Biden's holding his dog with a gun to his head or something.

What in the world? I mean, it's a masterclass. He's brilliant, Kate. He's the smartest man that has ever been put into meat. He's so genius. He's so smart, Kane. I have to admire the talent of keeping the straight face.

Yeah, that is impressive. I mean, it requires the suspension of your soul. Yes, not just disbelief.

It's your soul that requires the suspension of your soul. Masterclass. I mean, there's a lot of words I think of when I think of Joe Biden's performance as president of the United States. And I must say, audience, that masterclass was not one of the terms that popped into my head.

Class was also one of the terms that wouldn't pop into my head. Oh, no. Yeah, definitely not.

Definitely not. This is how he auditions. He debases himself like this, because there's a certain element of insulting your own intelligence to be able to say statements like this. Because what you're telling everyone is that you yourself are too stupid to recognize that this is not, in fact, a masterclass in how to deal with policy these last three years. It is not that it's actually FUBAR. It's a turn to punch bowl. It is whatever euphemism you would like to apply to it that suggests mass chaos and failure. It is not a masterclass.

Class is not in session. You're in detention. This is so dumb. This is so dumb. I hate all this stuff. Gosh, these guys are clowns.

They're so clowns. Well, then they were asking Gavin Newsom if he was going to jump in to the race, right? Are you going to get in, Governor Gav?

Listen to what he says here, audience. Buzz has not stopped. I know you've been asked this before, but do you still rule out a run in 2024? I am here celebrating the extraordinary accomplishments of the Biden-Harris administration, making the case that we need to make to lift up the issues, lift up the record, drive contrast with the Republican nominee to be Donald Trump so that we can win for four more years.

Have you gotten any calls, Governor, for you to run? It's all idle chatter. You know what? That's a sideshow.

I think what Democrats need to do is worry less, do more, continue to overperform as we have, continue to win, make the case of be shamed. You know how, like, there's always in politics, there is either a doppelganger or as close as you can get to a doppelganger in terms of character in, you know, culture, like in film or television. And I just figured out who his is. Do you like to know who it is?

I would. I mean, it's Dennis from Always Sunny in Philadelphia. It is him, right? She's sitting here asking him, so, Governor, are you, can't ask me if I want to run for office.

Let me try to redo my, let me try to do the gab response. So, Governor, the rumors are out there and we were wondering, are you going to run? I mean, that's just idle chatter. That was the Kristen Stewart performance of Disbelief, right?

That was like half her lines in Twilight. Convincing. That's all he did. He sounded like he was tripped up by that tough question. He sounds like a dog when you pick it up and it's squirming.

And now all of the news you would probably miss. It's time for Dana's Quick Five. So an A.I. robot has copied what? This is so weird. A bishop's voice. Listen to this. This is a church.

This is in Britain. These A.I. robots are copying bishop's voices to con nuns out of thousands of dollars in a terrifying new scam. Hey, maybe just stop giving people money. Real easy. Just stop. Don't.

I don't care if you think you know them. Always have a, like a code word, too. For real. Always have a code word.

That's like a very important thing I think families should do. Car shoppers aren't electrified by electric vehicles. Another headline that states the absolute obvious. I had to get a new battery for my vehicle and it was expensive and I can only imagine the cost of having to purchase a new battery for an electric vehicle. Now, look, I like gadgets. I don't care about your arguments about helping the earth because it does and it actually is worse. But the batteries are so ridiculously expensive.

Can you imagine? This is like more expensive than the car. You might as well just burn your car up.

Blow it up and just get a whole new one. Yeah. I was reading this horribly written piece by the Washington Post by a woman named Janine Whalen who can't write a balance lead to save her ever-loving life.

But the long story short is that nobody's buying EVs. You don't need to. It's like when I'm going to a recipe site, I don't give a rat's backside about your family. I don't care about anything personal about you.

Show me the recipe. No one cares. Blah, blah, blah. Cry, cry.

Show me the recipe. Nobody cares. That's the only reason why we're here. Same thing with this. Same thing.

Same story came. The new normal in the housing market is 7% mortgage rate, so it's kind of tipping back up. Busy spring season nears. Buyers and sellers are making peace with higher rates now, so we're going back up in the sevens. It increased 3.1% from December to January, according to the National Association of Realtors.

Inventory of unsold existing homes rose 2% and they said that the revived supply should help meet the returning demand. See, I swear, sidebar, I have a conspiracy. I actually have one conspiracy theory. It's about the tiny house thing. You know how they've been trying to push everybody into little tiny Cracker Jack box houses? I think it's because, yeah, you're not going to own anything. You're going to live in a tiny little house on wheels that you can just tow it around behind a regular tiny, like, Geo Metro.

Like that small. And you're going to love it and eat bugs. I'm telling you.

Let's see. Oh, Google cut a deal with Reddit to train AI on its data. So I banned AI from training on my substack and now, I don't know what to make of this. Now AI can train on Reddit.

It's a new partnership between the two companies. I don't even know what I'm going to, I don't even know what I think of that, but they're going to try it. And a California bill is aiming to prohibit landlords from denying renters with dogs. I think if it's your property, as much as I love dogs, it's your property. You can make the determination as to what someone else can do with your property.

So that's just, I think, kind of how it is. I love dogs. I love dogs more than I love people.

And I'm not entirely joking with you about that, but it still is a landlord's property. Stay with. I have a horrible story coming up. What is this horrible story I was telling you about? This is so ridiculous.

I hate culture right now. This is an actual headline, New York Post. I've seen this over and over again. I've seen this headline and this discussion over and over again the past month. The headline, women are loving men who embrace baby girl vibe and ditch toxic masculinity. Now you're like, what on God's green earth is a baby girl vibe?

And so they said, here's how the article goes. A 26 year old six foot five man isn't what comes to mind for Americans when they think of a baby girl. But as for Gen Z, Jacob Elordi, 26, was deemed so baby girl during his permission as the host of Saturday Night Live that the musical guest and cast member made the decree.

So they say that Pedro Pascal, who's not Gen Z, he's older than me, Timothy Chalamet, and this other guy who's in White Lotus and I don't watch it. The term is a term of endearment that includes a specific type of swoon worthy dude, a guy who comes across as sweet, charming, and abet bashful, and seemingly in touch with their feminine side, ready to talk about their failings or carry a purse to brunch at any point. That is exactly what women want and what men want to become, the antithesis of toxic macho masculinity.

Who wrote this trash? This some B name, Adriana Diaz. Gag me. Just because you want an emasculated dude, I cannot stand it when I see these broads get out here with no live life experience acting like they're talking all for women.

Girl, no. That sounds, baby girl is synonymous with pansy. That's what it is. I don't believe in the phrase toxic masculinity. I do believe in the phrase toxic femininity. And it is, you don't even have to say it that long, just call them B's because that's what it is. It is the matriarchy defined. They, they, it's women who want men that they can manipulate. The easily manipulated man. That's what this is.

That's, this is crazy. Have you heard this term before, Kane? No, I have never. Nope, not before today.

I was today years old. Gag. They're like pick me dudes. That's what they are. Have you heard the phrase pick me girl?

I have. Yeah, the girl who wants to, that's, it's like that. That's what it is. Golly, a man who's a baby girl who called Pedro Pascal tries too damn hard, by the way. That guy is a pick me dude.

He tries so hard to be loved. It is it. I just cringe right out of my chair. It's so I can't deal with it. And they're like traditional norms are shifting. No, they're not.

There's nothing. I think if you're using the phrase toxic masculinity, you're too stupid to define either. There's a chivalry is the code of honor by which men should behave. Toxic masculinity.

That's not a trait that's associated with being a dude. There's you're a jerk or you're not. Just like women are bees or they're not. It's very simple. But I just think this is so this is so goofy.

It's about like not being. Why is it that women fawn over tough guys then? Seriously, think about it. Go look back. The guys who actually get the praise and the looks and the chicks.

It's not these baby girl dudes. I promise you that. Like there's.

Golly, who wrote this? We have more on the way. I had to share that with you because I had to read it. We get to share in the suffering. Thanks for tuning into today's edition of Dana Lash's Absurd Truth podcast. If you haven't already, make sure to hit that subscribe button on Apple podcast, Spotify or wherever you get your podcast.