Absurd Truth: A PRONOUNced Investigation

It's his life mission to make bad decisions. It's time for Florida Man.

I love this. So, a Florida representative introduces a bill that would make it impossible to punish someone for the unauthorized killing of a bear. But he says that, no, no, no, it's just the crack bears. That we're talking about. Not all bears. What? I'm not kidding you. He says just the ones that are on crack. We're talking about the ones that are on crack. They break your door down. They're standing in your living room growling, tearing your house apart. You should be able to shoot that bear. I'm not kidding you.

It was House Bill 87. I'm pulling it up right now. This is an actual thing. Taking of bears. Is there a crack bear subheading? Is there a crack bear subheading? He goes, we love bears. Bears are cute and cuddly. No, it's only some bears that have to die. The crack ones.

That's literally what it was. They, so the Guardian wrote a whole piece on how they were unable to find a documented incident of any of Florida's estimated population of 4,050 black bears having ingested crack. And he's like, well, you know, I use the phrase on crack, like if they're acting like if they're on crack, not like if they're literally ingesting crack.

It's probably a better way to put it, but okay. I mean, aggressive, dangerous, you know, something like that. A Florida man wields a machete, vows to eat his body and a chilling threat to landscaper. A Coral Springs man is, now we have this, they're assumed to developments in it, because at first it was just a guy who brandished a machete. No, now it's he got into a fight with a landscape worker. And according to Coral Springs police, this guy not only brandished an actual machete, but he also said he was going to chop up said lawn care worker and eat him. The victim, a local landscaping company owner, the guy's name, who is the aggressor Samuel Diorio, 63.

That's why it escalated. And Diorio says, I will cut you two pieces. I will cut you up today.

I will eat your bodies. That's pretty serious. That guy's a crack bear. So the guy ended up being he was transported Broward County, Maine jail.

He was arrested by Coral Springs Police Department. Man Coral Springs, can you imagine? Like that whole area. First you got the crack bears.

And now, now you got this guy who acts like a crack bear over some. Okay. Let's see here.

I also have I got a couple of really good ones. Let's do a Florida woman was accused of hitting a man and a child on bikes with a broomstick. A Florida woman has landed herself behind bars. Annette Krupnica, 59, was arrested and charged with aggravated battery with a deadly weapon with blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So Leesburg neighborhood, apparently she was in the middle of the road and literally was hitting kids with broomsticks with a broomstick on a bike. And apparently someone's doorbell camera recorded her doing it. So as a kid road pastor, she'd hit him with a broomstick. So she's was taken to Lake County Jail. She's still there $5,000 bond, because you can't, you know, you can't hit people on bikes with broomsticks.

This is not something that you can't do. Oh, man, that's not the craziest story I have today. So Cape Coral back to Cape Coral. They're busy. They got crack bears, they got the guy threatened to eat his landscaper. And now they're looking for a Cookie Monster, like literally like an actual, like Cookie Monster pajama clad people who have been stealing from Lowe's. It's a male and a female who went in, if you go okay, I get very Karl Lagerfield about pajamas in public. Like I just feel like you've given up on life if you're wearing pajamas in public, like you've just you like you're one step away from yourself. A male and female in matching Cookie Monster pajamas tried to rob a Lowe's store when stopped by loss prevention.

The guy revealed a gun in the waist in the waistband of his Cookie Monster jammies. And they were able to get away. So there's there the Cape Coral police are looking for them. So if you see two losers who wear pajamas and don't carry properly, it's probably these two schmucks. It's probably them.

Too many Christmas. Crack bears. Maybe he's talking about those maybe show was talking about these people's the crack bears. I don't know.

We are identifying her as Gen C. Moreno, Hispanic female. But that she called herself Jeffrey and was taken like tee shots and stuff. What? See, this is why I need a camera on your face. Kane will not do it. You got to help me convince him. Why? Okay, join the show.

What's up? Why are you why are you over there making Kane face because everything so his name was Jeffrey when he was in El Salvador. He comes here and becomes a non Hispanic white woman. And then everyone's just going to be like, you know, she I know. But was it? That's what's so confusing about it. Was it a dude or a chick?

Like, he came out screaming as a dude. That's how I understood it yesterday. Now, granted, because I don't care. I didn't look any further. But this was how I dug into it yesterday. Spent enough time on it yesterday to know that this was a guy that then became a woman.

Here. They said that during so during the initial press conference, police didn't say that Moreno was transgender. They said that Moreno used male and female names. And she had been identified blah, blah, blah. I mean, it's but it was a trans but but it was transgender.

So he was but he was a guy identified as a chick. That's what I hate about this is why there was so much time in the conversation dedicated to just this. And like, I think there was a time where the general public didn't really.

Obtain a firearm in the first place. Nobody knows. So can you imagine the general public being like, Well, what do we look out for? Well, it could be a white woman. But it's a guy from El Salvador?

You know what I mean by hank? Well, I mean, you guys could be murdered by a white woman. But it's actually a guy from El Salvador.

So good luck with that, you know, Bolo. We've, what are we looking out for? Who's, you know, I'm like looking at, I mean everybody's a suspect at that point. Well, I mean it could be a white woman, but it could also be an El Salvadorian man.

I mean, we don't know. It's very important that we indulge the feelings and political sensitivities of the criminal. It's very important. I mean that, guys, is it better to be dead or polite in terms of political correctness? I mean, that's really the choice that we have here. You know, we don't want to risk it with the political sensitivities of the criminal.

Yes, you and your kids could all die, but we don't want to risk it for any other biscuit but political correctness. That's the way we're going to roll. This guy who came out, this press conference that Juan played on the simulcast, he looked like John Candy in National Lampoon's family vacation coming out and telling you the park's closed. Moose out front should have told you. He came, he looked like a, he looked like a, he looked like that guy. He, doesn't he? The Moose, oh, sorry, but the discussion about their vagina or wiener is closed. Moose out front should have told you. So what he said, that's him right now. Yes, we are making fun of the absurdity in the most absurd way possible because they actually spent time on this. And then with his hand gestures, what is this? Like are you feeding ducks?

Like what is with the hand gestures at the same time? Like I'm dying right now. This is a problem. I, and I looked on social media, there were people, because I had posted about it and there were people in my mentions that were so mad about this and they were, and they kept going, it was a man, it was a woman, it was a man, it was a, meanwhile everybody's getting murked. Everybody's, I mean, think about it. Again, just go back to that well of hypothetical.

You know, if there's a, be on the lookout for either a white woman or a El Salvadorian man. Over. Break a break of one night. Can you run that by me again? Over.

Yeah, 10-4 there Smokey. We got, we got a El Salvadorian man or we got a white woman from Kansas. We don't know. One or two. Duck and cover.

Over. I mean, can you imagine? Now think about it.

Duck and cover? Yes. Or whatever. But think about it. Imagine the ATF shows up, like just in this grand scheme of craziness, and the ATF shows up and, and they're confused because, you know, this person had like tons of weapons charges, right?

Previously. Think about it. What are they going to do? I mean, what are they going to shoot? Who are they going to shoot? They don't know. ATF, ATF here on scene.

direction's over. Yeah, ATF. Just could be a white woman.

Could be an El Salvadorian man. We don't know. Over. So you're telling us to shoot all the dogs after telling us shoot all the dogs and maybe shoot some kids. That's what you're saying. Over.

ATF here. Over. I mean, sometimes they have enough of a problem identifying the right things.

And, you know, I mean, I'm just saying this. Do you see how crazy this could get? You got everybody showing up and they don't know what the hell to do. Everyone's a suspect. Everybody's a suspect.

You are in Texas. Could be an El Salvadorian man or a white woman. Well, hell, that's everybody. Everybody's a suspect.

Get down. You're all guilty. All because we had to tickle the jimmies of the political sensitivities of trans rhetoric. Do you see how dumb this is now?

And then we got this one guy. Well, she identified as well. Whatever it was identified as was because they're dead. They got popped. That's how it is.

I can't believe that we spent that they spent law enforcement spent all that time they had to stop and address it. And they still don't. I just think that when you are going out to kill people, you don't get the courtesy of having people play make believe with you about your genitals. You know?

Don't you forfeit that? I mean, I wouldn't even say excuse me if I bumped into you. So what the hell makes you think that I'm going to sit here and play pretend with you about your genitals?

I don't get it. You are not owed that courtesy if you're going out. Actually, you're not owed it at all. And you're especially not owed it if you're going to go out and start killing people and targeting people at a church with a Palestine sticker slapped on your rifle. I mean, literally put a sticker that said free Palestine on the rifle. And the media is like, gosh, we just don't even know what the motive is. I don't even know. So it's crazy. Just this guy from El Salvador, this white woman, whichever, just had this rifle and they put a sticker that said Palestine. I just don't even know what the motive is.

Yeah, journalism. It's like Ralph from the Simpsons and I helped. This is the reality of this whole situation. Oh my gosh. Now you see how crazy it is. It's crazy, right? This is this is ridiculous. No pun intended.

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It's ke lt EC weapons.com. Tell them that Dana sent you. And now all of the news you would probably miss.

It's time for Dana's quick five. Southern California was shaken by 13 earthquakes over 25 minutes. They said several of them which the largest registered a magnitude of 5.0 struck El Centro in the Imperial Valley. They said that this is according to the United States Geological Survey shake alert.

They have a whole count that they post they post on x. They said that the rattling went all the way up until 1am when the 13th quake of the series that began less than a half hour earlier was recorded. So they said that that was two days after 4.6 hit northwest of Malibu. Man that's just I that's one thing I don't earth no earthquakes and tornadoes I don't like oh and tidal waves or tsunamis.

I don't like those either. Let's see stunned children returned from a New Hampshire term to Hampshire from school trip to France. And they found two illegal immigrants and the luggage compartment of their bus.

This is in Britain. A whole bus after they returned from a school trip to France. They all get back on the bus. And they found two 20 year old dudes lying inside under the bus where they have the luggage.

And they just did. Yeah, they after the door was open one tried to run off. Parents stopped him just refugees. Just you lads then is it? Yeah. And they said that it's quite concerning because you had 36 kids on the bus and no one knew that they were there. That was a little concerning. Yeah, you think so that is concerning.

Let's see. We had the this was a this is one of the worst stories I've ever read. This has to do Kansas City, Missouri. A mother who apparently has some mental developmental difficulties said she confused her chart the oven for the crib. And she put her barely not I think was an eight month old baby in the oven and baked her to death. This is a horrible story.

Mariah Thomas of Kansas City was charged with endangering the welfare of a child. She put her down for an app in an oven. The child did not live because she burned alive. I mean, it was just horrific. They are apparently her clothes were melted to her diaper.

It was just awful. She says she put the child on for a nap and accidentally placed her in the oven instead of the crib. And apparently, I think it because she apparently does have some serious developmental difficulties mentally but apparently she also is just an evil piece of trash. I think too.

I think it's both of these issues because when I was reading different article, she apparently had a limited intelligence level and all of this stuff and was struggling to care for the child just by herself to do basic things and she had to have some help. But goodness, that's just one of the most horrific things I think I've ever read. Oh my gosh. Let's see a couple of other things on this. Only 86% of Americans think Biden is too old for another term. Only 86%.

Only? Only 86%. I love how the surveys do this. It's an ABC Ipsos news poll. They said yes, only 86%. That's almost everybody. Yeah, that's like way over.

That's way over the whole, yeah. And we all know Lloyd Austin went back to the hospital, right? Everybody knows he went back.

He's got his deputy who's now in charge and apparently Biden still hasn't spoken with him. I wrote a piece if you haven't seen it. I put it up on my Substack chapter and verse. And it gets into and I saw that, who was it? I think it was Mark Wahlberg had said something about the woke cheese, the woke Jesus ads that they had. Because Mark Wahlberg's stuff was actually really good. He had like a Christian meditation app where he focuses on prayer and all this stuff. And his stuff, I think is actually good and useful. But he had a video where he was encouraging everybody to pray and all this stuff.

He focuses on, you know, like the real meaning, whereas everybody else focuses on identity. And I wrote about this because I keep learning more about this group that's behind that. They did the whole He Gets Us ad stuff. And that's what I wrote about.

And you can see it over at Substack. It's called The Problem with Buddy Jesus Blasphemy. The group that's behind the He Gets Us campaign is called Come Near and They Make Idols of Political Identity. And that's exactly what it is. And I went and I looked back at all the images they used in the ad that they bought, this multimillion dollar Super Bowl ad that they purchased. And I thought it was AI images. And it looks like AI images.

But actually, it's actually weirdly staged photographs that they decided to, you know, filter and all this airbrush and all this other stuff. But what this ad does from the onset, and I'm going to get into the background of the people who are the strategists and help come up with the concepts for their ads. But what this ad does is it takes these avatars of very predictable political and ideological divisions. And you have like a presumably pregnant woman who's having her feet washed outside of a Planned Parenthood, you got a police officer washing a black ice feet, a popular high school girl washing the feet of an alternative girl, you know, the cowboy washing the American Indians feet, you got the roughneck who's washing the climate protesters feet, you know, I mean, you you get the blonde suburban wife washing the feet of an illegal immigrant woman.

I mean, that's what you get. And while they're attempting to lecture everybody on societal division, the he gets us people I mean, when you look at these ads, they're playing in the misogyny and bigotry that they're claiming to reject themselves with the way that they're setting these the images for the ads. I mean, you're reducing they reduced everyone who is concerned about illegal immigration, they reduce them all down to a blonde suburban presumably housewife. They made her look like leave it to beavers mom on her knees in the middle of her cul de sac, washing the feet of this one woman who presumably came here with a whole busload of illegal immigrants and she's standing there defiantly. All of the people on their knees doing the washing of the feet are all the people that you would place on the right, whereas all the people who are having their feet washed are all the people that you would place on the left, there is not an instance where these roles are reversed. Where you have a trans activist washing the feet of like an actual woman, or an illegal immigrant or cartel member washing the feet of a besieged border rancher. And the fact that none of these were ever reversed ever kind of that's what suggests that the whole he gets us people, they didn't view the feet washing act as how it was meant in the Bible, they viewed it as a symbol of rectification, right?

For those who are pro legal immigration or pro life or whatever, like they were the ones who did something wrong and they have to rectify it because of who they are. That's what the ad plays into. And it also suggests that Jesus came to serve rather than teach his disciples humility in service. And because of this, the ad makes political identity and idol.

That's exactly what it does. We are divided by these identities, the ads is telling you. And these different identities won't be nice to one another when in reality, we're divided because we live in a godless society.

And you can't have true peace without the savior of mankind. And the only identity is as children of the kingdom. They, they, they dress all this up in social justice regalia. And then they fell victim to what they claimed they wanted to avoid, right? They previously portrayed Jesus and his disciples as bike gangs. And they've they've portrayed Jesus, Mary and Joseph as illegal immigrants. By the way, Egypt was part of the Roman Empire. So it'd be like me moving from Missouri to Texas.

That's exactly what it was like. But I don't even what does he gets us? He doesn't Jesus never affirms sin, he rebuked it. Anyway, the people behind this, they're anti Israel, they protected their tweets from public view, and they've donated a lot to the left. Thanks for tuning in to today's edition of Dana Lashes Absurd Truth Podcast. If you haven't already, make sure to hit that subscribe button on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.