Absurd Truth: Kimmel vs Rodgers

Dana Lashes of Sir Truth Podcast sponsored by Kel-Tec. It's his life mission to make bad decisions.

It's time for Florida Man. Oh man, I got a lot here. Alright, so first up, you know how sometimes you're a person's groceries?

It's like a map of their personality, right? Alright, so let's look at this dude. Fox 35. It's Florida Man stole. Well, he stole a lot. What all did he say? He stole $400 worth of crab legs, two cans of cat food from a Winn-Dixie, and the only time that they got him is because he got in his car and his car wouldn't start. It was in Deltona.

It was early morning, Volusia County Sheriff's Office. Cashier witnessed a man in a jacket. He was concealing all these bags of crab legs.

He was followed by an older man who did not appear to be holding merchandise. When they were confronted outside, the man holding the crab legs tried to return them to the manager, and he was told Winn-Dixie is going to pursue charges. 33-year-old Kurt Beck, he said he knew what he did was wrong. They also found out his license was suspended and he had stolen cat food. He was arrested on charges of petty theft, violation of probation, and possession of a controlled substance. He was booked in a Volusia County jail. I mean, okay, so some for him, some for the cat?

I don't know. Like, a Florida Man in a unicorn floaty, hooks a 10-foot shark, and towed four miles offshore. He was literally dragged out to sea in his floaty because he caught a big shark.

There was a bigger vessel that came up behind him in this video. And they go, it's hard to hear. And they go, what are you doing?

Because they were just bewildered. They see this guy in a uniform, in a unicorn floaty, like all this way out at sea. And he goes, I'm catching a shark. That's what he said.

That's what he told him. He was dragged four miles offshore. So the crew on the boat tossed the guy a right that's kind of that's, you know, but dude, the dude was literally on a just a fishing boat that came across and he was literally in one of these big giant floaties. And it was big enough to where he could really get in it. And he's out there in a unicorn float with his rod. And he had hooked a shark that dragged him all the way out there.

It's one of the funniest things I've ever seen. Yeah, he it towed him four miles out on his floaty. So you gotta be careful, I guess maybe don't fish on a unicorn floaty in the sea. I don't know. Like that just feels like there's something to be learned from that.

Let's see here. This, I'm still loving that story though. A Florida man set fire to a car in a motel parking lot, deputies say. He was arrested. He was found with some weapons and drugs in his possession.

The 62 year old Peter Simpson was charged with second degree arson, using and he had a concealed felony. So they saw him driving erratically. He all in the front of police got out of his car, put on gloves and a face mask and then walk through the parking lot and then try to set a white Nissan SUV on fire, literally in front of police, because they were already following him because he was driving erratically. And then he got back in his own car and tried to flee.

That's not going to work, dude. So they totally arrested him. They he was taken into custody with that incident. They found all kinds of stuff on him. Yeah, that's I don't even know man why I still like the guy with the floaty way better.

The floaty guy. A Florida woman tried to run down a school employee in the bus drop off lane. Man them drop off lanes are crazy. You get some women in there that are nuts. Her name is Tara Jane Samuels Cattelan. You got too many names lady. She told law enforcement that she was trying to avoid speed bumps and she didn't see the employee jump out of the way and onto the into the nearby bushes. They said no, you were literally trying to plow her down at high speed.

Is it Port Charlotte High School? So she's she's Yeah, she was in trouble for that. And she knows more about science than scientists. A guy who went to community college, then got into Cal on a football scholarship and didn't graduate.

Someone who never spent a minute studying the human body is an expert in the field of immunology. He just put on a he put on a magic helmet and the that G made him a genius. Aaron got two ways on his report card. They were both in the word Aaron.

Okay. That's like when was he funny? He Jimmy Kimmel is also the same guy who said that hospitals shouldn't treat people who are unvaccinated. Right? Remember that? Remember when he said that?

Yeah, you know, because he's an immunologist himself. A guy who got his start being the second banana to what's his face? The other guy? They got Adam Carolla. Yeah, he got his Jimmy Kimmel got his start as the second banana to Adam Carolla. And he at the end of the man show, would oogle women jumping on trampolines. So I'm just saying women he could never get by the way, I don't know if you've seen him.

But yeah, so I don't know. Welcome back to the show. Dana last year with you bottom of this second hour. He's going after Aaron Rodgers because Aaron Rodgers I don't even know what happened with it. But I don't even care. I just don't like Jimmy Kimmel. Jimmy Kimmel as he got older turned into a noxious old fart. He did he got he he I don't know what what happened to him. Who heard him? But he turned into a hateful old noxious fart.

That's what he did. He's not funny anymore. All he does is bitch.

He's supposed to do a variety, a comedic variety late night show. And all he does is get up there and air grievances with people whose opinions he doesn't like because he's a qualified doctor apparently, particularly when it has to do over the Coronavirus and that yeah, this is a guy who made fun of people who took ivermectin you know, esteemed immunologist and Dr. Jimmy Kimmel, he made fun of people who took ivermectin. He said that people who were unvaccinated shouldn't get treatment and actually even said, oh, quote, the unvaccinated guy who gobbled horse goo.

Rest in peace, Weezy. This is the stuff that he said. Yeah, he said all of this stuff. And he wasn't joking. He was being serious. And he said it not once, not twice, but repeatedly. And so he's mad because what Aaron Rodgers cracked a joke about him. Was it a joke?

I don't even care. He's got such a thin skin. Such a thin skin. He was even saying people have heart attacks. If someone has a heart attack and they're vaccinated, take them in.

But if they're unvaccinated, well, too bad. That's Jimmy Kimmel, esteemed immunologist and doctor saying this. He was literally he was, he was a pity hire. He had to have been because I don't know, I've never seen him be funny. He's never been funny. I mean, at some point, aren't you like, oh, the guy who hosts late night shows should be funny, right? Like him and Stephen Colbert. What happened to some of these comedians? They got old and cranky and hateful and just unwatchable. Stephen Colbert, who got his start as an underling to Jon Stewart. And Jon Stewart, you know, he's gotten preachy and all that stuff, but he's still funny. He's never been completely hateful.

Stephen Colbert just got cringy. And now he's got facial hair and it looks even worse. It looks like a chick who wears like fake lashes that are too big for her eyes. Stop.

Just looks weird. Is that mean? Because I meant it.

I'm not here to be nice. But he was yeah, he was raging. He also said he was going to sue Aaron Rodgers because Rodgers made comments on that one dude show The Guy Who Doesn't Own Sleeves. He said he's going to be named as one of Epstein's associates. And he was joking that he'll be definitely popping some sort of bottle when the list is made public. So he's saying joke, I'm going to sue Aaron Rodgers because he doesn't own sleeves. But Jimmy Kimmel actually saying repeatedly that he hopes unvaccinated people don't get treatment in hospitals. He hopes they're turned away because of it. We're supposed to you're so he was like mea culpa over that. But you see what I'm saying? Shut up, Jimmy Kimball.

Kimball, Kimball, whatever you you fat, noxious fart. No one cares. Go away. Go back to watching chicks on trampolines.

You know, chicks you'll never, ever get. Just sad, man. Just sad. Was he ever funny? I never liked him. I was like Adam Carolla, but I never liked him.

Even when I was younger. He just sat there and I was like, why the hell is this guy on the show? He offers nothing. He brings nothing. He's like that.

He's like the unfunny pity friend that you bring along because the chick you're dating is her younger brother and she asked you to be nice to him. That's that's that's his whole thing. All right, as we get moving our partners over Florida based company, Kel-Tec, the R50. I have the P50. Love the P50. It's an awesome 5.7. That's a 5.7 pistol.

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K-E-L-T-E-C weapons.com. Tell them that Dana sent you. Okay, so beginning with this, oh goodness, we got a couple here. Swearing they say is becoming more acceptable. Linguistics experts claim. But I think it's like certain words they say. The way that they said it's not now using them to insult people is they still that hasn't changed. But using for emphasis and what they say build social bonds, according to academics.

That has become more acceptable over the past two decades. Interesting. So I don't know, I do. I don't know.

I think languages devolved, honestly. But hey, you guys all saw the guy from Bass Pro, right? Or maybe you hopefully didn't. I tried not to see him. I thought it was Leah Thomas at first, the guy who jumped into the giant aquarium at Bass Pro in Alabama.

Like totally naked. Jumped into the giant aquarium. Again, I thought it was Leah Thomas and he just was like competitive swimming. He did a cannonball leap. He didn't just jump into the aquarium.

Dude did a cannonball, which I didn't know about prior. And then he stood under the waterfall, bits and pieces all hanging out, left the water to yell at officers, drove back into the aquarium. Bass Pro is a place, by the way, where every time I go in there, I try not to go in there because when I go in, five hours of my life disappears. I have no idea what the hell happened. But I've been there for like five hours. How? I have no idea. Anyway, that's what it's like Pinterest.

I just tried to not, you know, if there's something I need and I can get it online, I'll do it. But oh, my gosh. Anyway, so that guy, he got he got lots in trouble.

He was in the water for like five minutes. Those poor fish are traumatized, dude. You know they are. This actually I should have had on Florida Man. There's a Florida highway covered in 40,000 pounds of raw chicken after a truck crashed on National Bird Day. I didn't even know we had a national bird day.

That's a lot. That's like how much of it was wings? Because now I was like, I'm wanting hot wings for dinner now. I was thinking I was gonna have pasta. I was gonna make pasta.

Now I'm like, maybe not come with some hot wings, like with some butter and Frank's Red Hot, you know, but bake them in the oven. Oh, my gosh, so good. What's happening? I don't know.

Can someone explain to me about this? This isn't happening in Mexico. An elusive alligator like creature.

What? Found in the treetops of Mexico. They say it's a new species. It's a tree dwelling lizard. I'm sorry, alligator like a tree lizard in Mexico. They say it's a new species. Sounds like an iguana. It sounds they can get nine inches. Nine inches long. They're pale yellow.

Alligator like and the trees that can fall on you with its jaws. Okay, stay with us. Couple things. Can we talk about the I got two things the DOJ and then this. The DOJ Civil Rights Division tweeted this out. They filed a statement of interest in a lawsuit concerning treatment for gender dysphoria and correctional settings. So trans people in the jails, which we know we talked about it on this program ad nauseam is a major problem because you got women getting raped right left and center, particularly in California where you got dudes who get convicted. They're like, wait a minute, Judge, Your Honor, I identify as a female and they get sent to the women's prisons. I mean, there's a reason why Chappelle's joke about it like really almost fell flat because it's so true.

It was ridiculous. This is what the DOJ said quote, ready? You ready for this one?

Grab on to something. Quote, gender dysphoria can live safely and receive needed medical care. That's literally the DOJ statement on this.

I like how that's like a mirror. Isn't it Americans with a bit of whatever. They can't identify frankenbeans.

So I don't imagine that they would understand basic grammar either. Oh, my gosh. Yeah, women don't have prostates.

Dudes don't have ovaries. You're you're you're trying to cosplay. So now they want to cosplay as having like a actual disability that needs the disabilities act.

You know, things that people are born with and cannot alleviate aside from acclimate. And what they're talking about is that and there's no you don't have a constant constitutional condition inside your jail. It's not like cruel and unusual punishment for a dude to go in a dude's prison.

But it is cruel and unusual punishment to force women who are incarcerated to have to be incarcerated with a dude that I can't think of anything more sexist and stupid than that. People with gender dysphoria, tell them to stop. You don't make it easier for people. You know, you could say that eating disorders like anorexia and bulimia are our body dysmorphia as well. There's gender dysphoria, gender dysphoria, it's body dysmorphia is what it is. But you don't make a bulimic easier.

And they're bulimia you don't make an anorexic easier and being anorexic. So you don't do that with this either. That's not compassion. That's stupidity.

And shame on the people who can't tell the difference. We really truly live in wild times when people don't even recognize that they're doing an evil when they think they're doing a good. We're committed to ensuring you're committed to punishing women further. Women have a right to not be incarcerated with dudes who are going to prey upon them behind bars. You want to talk about cruel and unusual? There's your definition of that right now. I mean, so which is it, though? Because, you know, I was thinking about this. So are they mentally ill?

Or are they really women and they're just struggling because they were born as dudes? Which is it? You can't simultaneously say that their self perception is real and should be shared by everyone else and then also say it's fraudulent and a result of a mental illness.

So which is it? The left cannot make up their minds. And that's the other thing. The government has no business forcing everyone in this country to accept someone else's self perception. You cannot force your self perception onto another person. And you do not have a constitutional right to force your self perception onto another person. And that's exactly what this is. Thanks for tuning in to today's edition of Dana Lash's Absurd Truth podcast. If you haven't already, make sure to hit that subscribe button on Apple podcast, Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts.