Absurd Truth: 2024, January 6th Style

Dana Lashes of Sir Truth Podcast sponsored by Kel-Tec. It's his life mission to make bad decisions.

It's time for Florida Man. This is one of the nastiest stories that I've ever read. So a man is suing Dunkin Donuts, because he said that their toilet exploded.

And that he was left filthy and injured. He's accusing them of negligence. And the lawsuit says, this is Winter Park, Florida, Flagler County, Florida, man. He said he, two years ago, a toilet exploded.

Paul Kerouac was visiting the Dunkin Donuts, and it was January 6-22. And he says while he was there, a toilet in the men's bathroom totally exploded, and covered the bathroom and him in human feces and urine, according to the suit. He came out asked employees for this at the store for help cleaning himself. And the employees told him they were aware of the problem with the toilet due to prior incidents. So he said he required mental health care and counseling as a direct result of the trauma experienced in the restroom.

And it says that he got severe long term injury. I just he wants damages over $50,000 and says that Dunkin did not maintain the toilet or warn him ahead of time. It's pretty simple. I mean, good heavens. That's how do you not I mean, I don't even understand how it would explode either. That was just my next question.

It's like you're gonna that's a bigger problem than just the toilet. It sounds like I mean, yeah, I don't. I don't know. It just this story from Florida, a Florida woman had two horses stolen from her. And they were slaughtered for their meat. According to Miami Dade's, who eats horse meat? I know some people do.

But I mean, who? Why do you need to eat your why do you need to eat horse meat? They said that the bodies of the horses were found in the home near the home and they were appeared to be butchered for their meat.

The investigation is ongoing. If I found out if someone kidnapped my if I had horses and someone kidnapped my horses or my pets, imagine John Wick on every steroid known to man. Though that is not an exaggeration. Oh, no. And I Oh, no, it would be. Oh, man. Because John Wick started as a movie about a dog.

Let's be honest. This is the dog movie. Right? Oh, can you imagine first? How do you kidnap? How do you steal somebody's horses anyway, though? They're horses.

They're like, pretty big. How do you get Oh, so they said that they the owner of the horses told the NBC affiliate that she thinks that they may have been watching her to even know how to get the horses out and all this other stuff. And she said that, you know, they she apparently she had been under some kind of surveillance or something.

How does that's just crazy. Now, speaking of pets. A Lakeland nurse was charged with poisoning her neighbor's pets.

Oh, boy. 51 year old Tamisha Knighton, a licensed practical nurse at United Health Care at Wellmed is charged with three counts of animal cruelty one count of depositing poison in public after detectives said she poisoned two cats and a pregnant Chihuahua. She also killed eight puppies.

Oh, my gosh. So they said that they investigated that well, it was a pregnant Chihuahua in her I guess the puppies, her puppies. And so they said that it was disgusting, horrifying, heinous crime, etc. And then they finally found her that she apparently had threatened to poison the pets were coming into her yard before. And they said that the Oh, gosh, it was just awful. The sheriff said that it made him really angry. And so she's now being charged with that. I also think again, in cases like that, you should allow the pet owners to be able to slap her around a little bit. Just a little bit. You know what I'm saying?

Again? I would not allow I don't I always I'm very protective of my animals. I wouldn't let them they wouldn't be in anybody else's yard in the first place. But say if there was an accident or something happens somebody did put Oh, my gosh, there's just no amount. There's no limitation to the physical pain that I would inflict on somebody.

There just isn't. Oh, my gosh, who does that to an animal? Who does that? What is wrong with you? Oh, all right. So moving on. Golly, we have something that Okay, here we go.

You want a good one? This hardcore Florida woman saved her Rottweiler from an alligator attack. I did not have Rottweiler versus alligator like right on my bingo card for the first week coming back.

But here we go. Gwen Cash was taking her Rottweiler Maximus out for a walk near her pen book Brian's home. And an alligator swiftly approached her dog. She said it was within five minutes. She said in that she said the gator just came for him and was trying to go for her dog's throat. She said I put my arm around my dog's chest. She got scratched.

She goes but I'm glad he didn't close his mouth. She saved her dog from the gators clutches but and this is an older woman too. This older woman apparently out Rottweiler'd her Rottweiler in fighting this gator. So she's having an alligator removed. She's talking to Florida Fish and Wildlife and they're having to trap her come down to do it because she's like, look, if it came for that big dog, it's not going to hesitate to go after for a kid, which is she's right or anybody else.

So good on her. Our partners, our friends over at Keltec, the P-15. This should be part of your EDC. If you're unfamiliar with the P-15, it is the lightest, slimmest double stack concealed carry nine millimeter on the market. 14 ounces unloaded. Holds standard capacity of 15 plus one rounds. It's 15 one chambered.

Tritamin fiber optic front sight, fully adjustable fiber optic rear and striker fire reliability and nice trigger. So there's two different versions. You have the polymer and the metal version. The metal version has a really vintage look and feel. It has these gorgeous classic wood grips, very comfortable, same great modern side, same great trigger, great capacity, same capacity.

And the polymer version has gator grip texture. I mean, they're both awesome, awesome, awesome handguns. They're both gorgeous. Both of them. I mean, why not? It's America. For public safety and self defense, P-15 should definitely be one of your concealed carry go tos.

Lightest, thinnest. And it's I like that particularly because you know, ladies carry a little bit differently than dudes. Learn more at keltecweapons.com. That's keltecweapons.com. Tell them Dana sent you. I don't think that that's this is not a good thing, especially as he's going into because tomorrow is Oh, boy. Kane, what's tomorrow?

Saturday? Yeah, but the number. It's a big day to the left. That's right. The J six anniversary. I forgot about that.

Or whatever it is. And he's so Biden, I mentioned this, I sent this out to you, if you get my emailed newsletter, you will have the link to it in the description below. this out, because he's, we talked a little bit about this yesterday, but more details are coming out. So he's trying to make his whole he's gonna he's basically kicking off his campaign in earnest tomorrow. And he's going to Charlottesville. And he's doing two speeches this week. And he's focusing on the riot on the six, which they say is an insurrection.

But if you copy and paste other people's work on attributed, that's not plagiarism. They, they're they've got it crafted to where he's going to try to couch, he's going to frame his campaign relaunch around, whether it's you know, he's going to be in Valley Forge talking about fighting the British and then he's going to be in Charlotte. He's going to try to use and say and act like he's like Washington and Washington's army is basically what it is. And these people are all the bad people.

You are all the bad people. And in Charlottesville, he's going to and they're also he's apparently also going to isn't he making a visit to the church in which that I'm not going to mention the murderer's name that one dude went and shot up a church and he was allowed to purchase his firearm because he they messed up and the FBI literally had to write a letter that's still available online, saying that they it was a paperwork error. They literally that's what it was. And that allowed him to purchase his firearm. And he was kind of a known entity already. Yeah, I know. But hey, it did. It's like Republicans fault or something.

I don't know. So he's his campaign. If you thought you were already tired of the campaign season, just wait until Biden kicks off because it's going to be doom and gloom. Everyone's going to die.

And you're not black unless you vote for him. That's what it's going to be pretty much. I think we covered all of that, right? Yeah, that's what it's going to be. He's dedicated the entire kickoff to his campaign to all these tragic places. Yeah, there's a narrative. So they said he's going this is how they have it.

Let me pull this up. This is what they this is what they were sending out to the media. So he's they're so appalled by Trump's role in January six. That's what that's literally how they're starting this. So they're they're keeping that trying to keep that alive. And then they're going to say he's putting the deadly assault on the Capitol.

Yeah, it was a Capitol police officer that shot and killed an unarmed woman that had an entire SWAT team behind her and it was all on video but okay. And he's going to focus on that he's going to talk about Charlottesville. And then he's going to he's doing a speech today at Valley Forge. And he's talking about the 2020 election and etc, etc.

And these campaign officials say the venue is at because it's where George Washington's army endured a frigid winter in 1777 and 78. He's going to offer a contrast with Trump. He really wants Trump to be the nominee.

Really does. So that's how he's are you guys from what I just shared with you? Does that give you any insight on how to handle inflation? His plans for dealing with that?

Is it giving you any insight on his plans for dealing with energy costs? Jobs? No, because that's all they have to offer. That's literally all they have to offer. They have nothing else.

Golly, we are. And then his son has the documentary cameras following him everywhere. You can't make this stuff up. Yeah, is it gonna is it gonna solve the problem at the border?

Nope. But that's that's the goal. That's the goal. They don't they don't care about any of it.

And now all of the news you would probably miss. It's time for Dana's quick five. So first up, two restaurant employees were allegedly allegedly pepper sprayed over an automatic tip charge. This is in South Bend, Indiana, an investigation is underway a group of 10 people were accused of trying to outsmart an Indiana restaurants tipping policy. And then two employees ended up getting pepper sprayed.

Really? 18% gratuity that was automatically added to party six or more. And they said they were going to get pepper sprayed. They said the group intend came in acting like they weren't together sat in different sections until I mean, that's not how that that's not how that works.

So they added an 18% gratuity and then it got out of there was like video got out of control because the world sucks. Oh my gosh, so don't talk about calendars. vintage calendars from the year 1996 are worth the money in 2024.

Do you know that? I mean, how much money they're talking about like vintage, like Star Wars stuff. 99 1996 apparently is the year that both it has to do with like a leap year thing.

So they're somewhere going online, like for sale for like $200. And they said it's because they can be used in 2024 because they match up. They're both they're both years or leap years.

And they each started on a Monday. I wonder if I have one of those. Why would you? Why would you have kept a calendar from? I don't know. Like I remember I used to write in the you know, those little those little scheduler bookie things that you used to buy like planners. Yeah. Is that what they call? I haven't had one for a while.

But yeah, I'm thinking I had one in the 90s might be able to use it. Seriously, you would keep that you would have that long. There was some personal information. They wouldn't want to keep that.

That's funny. A father says that his daughter's car is melting in the driveway and Honda says it's not covered by the warranty. They said so this family in Georgia say that one of their cars is literally melting away. And they're trying to get it situated parts of the car from the driver's side mirror to the front bump from the front bumper to the passenger side mirror. They said started to warp the paint began to bubble up. They said that it's just literally disintegrating. It's been sitting in their driveway. And they took it to a local Honda dealer because it's Honda. They said it's just caused by the sun.

What? It shouldn't melt by sitting just like outside. And they're like, Oh, it's not covered by the warranty.

Sorry. So they've the families I what what in what case is that is like a faulty paint, but it's warping too. So it's more than just paint. I've never heard of anything like that happening.

Yeah, I don't know. Let's see a burglar was busted because he was trying to use Uber as a getaway driver. So stupid.

Why would you do this? That's why they're burglars. You know, they picked crime.

They're not the smartest people. It's in Colorado. Police say they caught a burglar trying to get away in an Uber last week. Wheat Ridge, Wheat Ridge Police Department.

Wheat. Officers responded to reports of a burglary at Blue Sky Plumbing. There was a hole in the fence. It got security footage of a guy stealing tools. And then the driver, the Uber driver said he was called to pick up a dude named Jose who was walking towards the car.

Officers stopped them all. And he got in trouble that you can't order over as your getaway driver. It makes it's like really. It makes it really easy to bust you for the crime. I can't even believe that that has to be explained. I just maybe it shouldn't be I don't I don't know but and apparently the latest Epstein Epstein documentation has dropped. Now this is stuff that's been out but it hasn't been unredacted.

Meaning you didn't know who was involved because you didn't know what was said. So now so I don't have seen dropped as the accurate unredacted now officially unmasked. So I got to give you an owl update. My I told you this yesterday we have I don't know how else to describe it. It's an accidental attic owl. Apparently we have like an opening in our attic.

And I feel like I should be more freaked out about this than I am. It was large enough for a little screech owl to get into. And my husband was up in the attic yesterday and boom, there's an owl in the attic. Now, I think this is the owl that has lived in our patio and lived and I wouldn't let Chris get rid of it. And he gosh, he gets so he's like the owl droppings were crazy. But I think it's the same owl that's lived here for a while. Like when we first bought our house, there was an owl that we saw on the rafters and the patio and, and I'm like, Oh, it's now it's meant to be I've always wanted one.

And now it's now it's in the attic, though. Does this mean we're wizards? And then how that works?

Like you get an owl? I think them's the rules. I think Yeah, I think them's the rules.

I think that's right. But anyway, so this he's still there. And we have to have like someone come and get him kindly get him and move him. Although I want to build an owl house for him. But I don't know anything about construction or power tools or anything like that.

So I feel like that could be a very interesting venture for me. There's a Juan shows that that's a picture of this. That's a picture of this owl that is officially named owl Bundy. Yeah. So thank you for reminding me. So we had a poll yesterday on social media.

I left it up for a couple hours. And I'm like, here's I here I threw some name suggestions out. What do we have? Edgar owl Lin po po like yeah, yeah. Owl Bundy, my favorite. Jareth because Jareth Okay, now some people were like, what is this garbage? David Bowie's character in Labyrinth turned into an owl. It's true. And his character name in Labyrinth was Jareth. That's why that's where it comes from.

I felt like that required too much explaining road to get there. But yeah, yeah, yeah. So anyway, owl Bundy ran away with the vote. So that's its name, owl Bundy.

And he seems pretty chill. So far. And I so my other option was can we build like a little owl door? I don't even know what that would look like.

I just I'm just trying to come up because I really want to keep it. And my husband was like you realize that possums and all that use doors to it's not just like they're not gonna go Oh, this is just for the owl. But wouldn't the owl eat the possum? If you had a screech owl versus a possum, who wins in that fight? I don't know possums can get pretty big.

I know I can just eat a possum. I don't know. I don't know.

Maybe a baby. Well, I know about owls is that they're wise. I mean, I really I had a friend that used to go through their feces for bones. Yeah, I don't know. It's a thing. It's a thing. It is a thing. Yeah, but I could sell that.

I'm just thinking thinking of capitalist opportunities here. Anyway, I don't know what it is. So it's there. And apparently, one of the other things, they said that they're attracted to manufactured boxes. So this giant box in our attic, and it's a poseable dummy.

You guys have seen it before. I don't know why I bought this at a whim on a whim at a spirit Halloween, and I would randomly pose it around the house. To scare the living daylights out of my friends and family. I don't know. Like I would when we would have get if we would have family to stay over, I would literally put it in the bed that the family was going to sleep in and cover it up and they'd walk in. I used to stick it in, you know, the bathroom at night just to scare people.

I mean, it was like a thing. I don't know. That's how we're weird. So anyway, I don't know it loves this. It loves the box. It likes to sit on the box. And apparently I look it up screech owls like manufactured boxes. I didn't know that.

I never knew that. Yeah, so I I really want to try to build and I don't know what's got maybe it'll still be here Monday. I don't know. That's my wish. But I can't. Chris says it can't stay in the attic or I gotta clean it up. I don't really like that option.

So because I'm a girl. Anyway, today's stupidity came. Well, we don't have time to play the audio. But this is the talk about our Bundy. That's right. The view early earlier this morning. They're claiming you shouldn't listen to anyone but them on the details as it relates to the COVID of you because I just had a brilliant idea. But that's today's stupidity. But what if it was like in a part of the show? Alabama?

Yeah, like back here. I want I didn't mean to totally hijack. I'm sorry, can I make up for it next week. You can pet him. Thanks for tuning in to today's edition of Dana lashes absurd truth podcast. If you haven't already made sure to hit that subscribe button on Apple podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.