Absurd Truth: Star Wars Director

Dana Lashes of Sir Truth Podcast sponsored by Kel-Tec. It's his life mission to make bad decisions. It's time for Florida Man.

I threw a link for you in Slack. I need you to put that candy picture up because apparently there's a lawsuit from a Florida woman who's filing $5 million over Reese's peanut butter cups because they were supposed to look like a jack-o'-lantern and they didn't have a face on them. So she's literally suing for $5 million. I know. 18-year-old bought Reese's peanut butter cups in October.

The pumpkins. And the package shows a jack-o'-lantern. She said she would not have purchased them if she did not know. And so she pointed out that the other ones also lack this. And so she filed a suit saying that it's a violation of the law. And she's seeking $5 million.

This is like it's Dr. Evil money. Show me the losses.

Yeah, how are you actually negatively impacted by this? I'm very curious. Like where's that at? So that's the first one. If another Florida woman, you know, got into the season of celebrating her birth and savior, she struck a victim repeatedly with a Christmas tree during an argument.

A whole Christmas tree. Her name is Dana Lashes. It's Miracle.

Of course it is. Miracle Rivera, 20, was arrested and charged with domestic battery after the incident that unfolded in Largo. It was the day after Christmas. She and the victim were in a verbal altercation.

They separated from one another. Rivera followed the victim in the living room, picked up the tree, struck them with it. It must not have been a big tree. She's booked in a Pinellas County jail. That must not have been a big tree, honestly.

Huh? Or she's a giant like Titan size, you know, like Attack on Titan, that kind of level. Let's see, this woman hid shell casings from a deadly shooting in her front private area. I think we know what that's called.

The Florida woman was charged with evidence tampering and resisting officers after police say she hid gun shell casings in her lady bits that she snagged from the scene of a facial fatal shooting. According to the police affidavit obtained obtained by law in crime, they arrested Destiny Pendleton. So you have Miracle and then Destiny. Golly, I'm made of jokes right now. Let's just try to get through this piece.

This is December 27. They received calls about a shooting at a residence. They found a 37 year old man injured. He was a later identified as dead.

She was standing next to his body. And then she tried to hide the four shell casings. You know, and yeah, I really can't. They just said she No, I can't read this either. I thought I could didn't apparently scroll down far enough.

Hang on. I can't read that front private area where she had taken them out of her front left pocket and put them in that private area. Yeah, that's those poor. God love the police. They have to write that in their affidavit.

They have to sit here write about this lady that they have to retrieve it. Oh, no. Oh, nasty. I feel like that should be like a whole other charge for groatiness. Like you get an additional it's a felony because you're groaty. It's a felony. You can't be groaty.

It's just no, I'm not gonna do. Some Florida woman lost her whole driveway. Her whole driveway got stolen. I've seen some things in my life. This is new. In Orlando, a central Florida woman came home and she had a her entire her entire driveway went missing in the middle of the day. Amanda brochure, Orange County.

She literally is not exaggerating. There's just a mud like drive now. Just a muddy dirt drive. She said that contractors started coming by measuring her driveway when she put her home up for sale. And I don't somebody came and stole it.

How why? An image from her doorbell camera captured a bulldozer tearing out the concrete and hauling it away. Her real estate agent was at a loss for words. They said they we've never literally never seen this happen.

So like anybody before. Oh, my gosh. So the Orange County Sheriff's Office is investigating why just her driving and nobody else's. Our friends over at Caltech, the P-15. If you're unfamiliar with the P-15, you know, Caltech has always been incredibly innovative.

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That's KELTEC weapons.com. Tell them that Dana sent you You know, I'm very thrilled about the project, because I think what we are about to create is something very special. And we're in 2024 now. And I think it's about time that we had a woman come forward to shape the story in a galaxy far, far away. Well, that's Oh, my gosh, can we just not do this? This is what's her name? Oh, bitch, annoying. That's her. That's her name. That is that woman's name.

Happy 2024 to me. Welcome back Dana lash here with you wink. The apparently she's a director who's going to further reach out to me and to further ruin Star Wars like the Star Wars people. The Disney people thought, you know what, we didn't drop a big enough of a deuce into the whole franchise. So let's drop a turbo deuce.

Let's turbo deuce it up into this franchise. That's what's happening. So they got this chick was this chick's name. Something Oh, bitch annoyed. That's what her name is. That's I'm seeing her name.

And you guys are just like, I'm being a professional radio lady, saying it correct. Charmino bitch annoy is her name. That is legit her name. Stop. That's so her name.

She is there. I love all the hyphenated everything Pakistani Canadian director. Oh, nobody cares. Nobody cares where the hell you're from. We're talking sci fi. Okay.

I just spent most of my break playing Warhammer. So I really don't care where you're from. It's not going to be anywhere more exotic than any of the things that I've dealt with over the past like, you know, week plus not going to be. But came in a very good point, because they came out and they're like, Oh, we're gonna have the first woman of color.

Do this film. And then came very, I mean, obviously, says, Well, she invisible because she is a color. I mean, she's peach, right? I mean, we're all what if we're not invisible, we are of color.

That's just the way it is. What is the sole person of color? We're all people of color.

She, I mean, she looks like any other white lady, if I'm being honest with you, she looks like a white lady. Mrs. beach annoy. Oh, bet you know, right? Yeah, that's it.

I mean, two words that I would use to describe third waivers in one last name. And they I don't know what she thinks like women are going to have to shape. What does that make her a good director? I mean, haven't they lost over half their value. They're still they love burning money. They don't need fossil fuels or any kind of solar or electric power. They burn cash money.

That's what they use for energy. So they did. They literally did a whole thing where they had a woman shape the story for Star Wars. And it was that Mary Sue named Ray.

Right? All of a sudden, she was a sucky Jedi. And then she was great, like immediately. And with her little buns, and she went in her hair buns, and she went in and she fought old man Luke and it was crazy.

I didn't that already shape it. I mean, what is the difference in the way you know, who I think Gina Carano that would is that was a good shape of any part of a trilogy. But this is just more of the same. I'm just not interested in watching it. First off, I think it's oversaturated. I'm so sick of they're making me feel like Martin Scorsese, where he was going off on superhero films, like what a year ago or so a couple of years ago, it was the same year that Ricky Gervais just excoriated everyone to Golden Globes, one of the best hostings ever. And Scorsese was saying that he was tired of he said it was lazy filmmaking, which I think it is. I agree with them to an extent. I mean, they can be great movies, but it is lazy filmmaking. And now it's oversaturated. Everything is superhero everything, even on streaming services.

I did check out and I'm going to get back to the meat and potatoes. It was Zack Snyder's. What is it Rebel Moon?

It was really, I think it could have been edited a hell of a lot better than it was. But he did this film and was pitching it to be a Disney story or Star Wars, sorry, a Star Wars story, which you can tell if you watch it. Do we remember what it was streaming on?

Rebel Moon. It's on one of the streaming services like Hulu or Netflix or something like that. But I watched it over break. And it was it was actually I thought the story was good and the characters were compelling. But I think it could have been perhaps put together for screen a little bit better, because parts of it were rushed and parts of it dragged and it was a little bit convoluted. But it was it had a great universe, but they had to kind of rewrite everything to take it away. It's on Netflix. to take it out of that Star Wars universe and make it standalone.

So you can kind of tell when you're watching it. And you might even think this would make a great Star Wars film. And that was Snyder that did that the guy did 300 who word on the street is that he's very like minded, by the way. I don't know, I'm not going to watch this because I think it's this the Star Wars thing is so oversaturated at this point.

So over over just everything. I feel like a lot of the people even at Disney don't even understand what is done with the films that they did because didn't George Lucas's wife totally edit? Didn't she edit one of the I think maybe was it Ray's story that one?

She his wife like completely edited one of the films if you want to talk about a woman shaping a film. But these apparently the morons and acquisitions at Disney don't even understand this. This is so stupid. I'm so tired of hearing about vagina. So here, we're going to check this box. It's dominant makes me hate Hollywood even more than I already do. It makes me hate films. Stop it. Stop doing this. And now all of the news you would probably miss.

It's time for Dana's quick five. One of the most underreported stories just of this well, of recent time are the ongoing attacks against Christians in Nigeria. Christmas attacks against Christians in Nigeria killed at least 113 people done by Islamic terrorists and it continued in the early hours of Christmas Day. They said that more than 300 people were also injured in the attacks that targeted at least 20 communities across a huge region. A lot of the video of the aftermath people in burned out homes, trying to flee the region and vans are online. These are all Christian majority villages as well. And so those Christians there in Nigeria, which is number six on the open doors world watch list is some of them and it's considered the most dangerous country for Christians too. They said that the people wanting to celebrate their Christmas and they were ended up being attacked. Also, this also this I'm not gonna read that cat headline. A local me a cat apparently saved a dog. I'm not doing it.

A local man is trying to break a Guinness Book of World Records for most hours playing pinball. Whoop dee doo. Whoop dee doo. Yeah, like it's you know, nobody cares. Nobody cares.

Let's see. Also, Toronto subway e bike fires. Lithium ion batteries. These are the things you can't bring on the planes, right?

Lithium ion batteries. So they said that they're dealing with fire. Did they just like women? Did they just like catch fire? Just boom.

Like all by themselves. A slight puncture can do it. Well, so yeah, right, which is why they don't allow it in checked bags at all. You have to take it with you.

I didn't even know that. I guess I just don't have anything with a lithium ion battery that I've ever taken on a plane. Anyway, they said that e bikes and can't in Toronto, this has been a big deal, because they said their batteries have been igniting. And they're now the city's questioning the safety of using these. They said that one guy was on a train, Shepherd Young train station, he said there's an e bike that fully caught on fire. He goes that one of the guys bikes just started to make noise. And then he goes, it's sounded like a flare. And then all of a sudden smoke came out of the out of the bike and people had evacuated.

Some people got hurt because everyone was just running for the door. So now they're reconsidering how they do all the whole e bike thing. Just good green, though. So green. How dare you?

How dare you? Speaking of lithium ion batteries, a cargo ship carrying burning lithium lithium ion batteries reached Alaska, but it was kept according to the EP offshore, obviously, for safety. This is an anchorage. It was a huge cargo ship being kept two miles offshore as a precaution, while efforts are undertaken to extinguish the flames. They said no injuries 19 crew above on board no injuries. They said this thing's Dude, the fire started on Christmas Day.

Christmas Day still going. Dude, the Yeah, they said that carbon dioxide was released. And they're worried about more explosions. That sounds so green. Love how green that sounds love that for us. So green.

Follow all green, green, green, right? I'm just just saying, let's see the five. So on January 2, there's a five mile per hour speed limit day observed. 50 What's this? Five? Oh, I see. 55 55.

Nobody that sounds horrible. What? What is that? This is the anniversary of when the 55 mile an hour speed limit was introduced federally. And there's a day of observation for it. Yeah. Apparently it was yesterday. So wait a minute. There's a day of observation for government regulation. Yep.

Or the same thing I've ever heard. Can't drive. I don't celebrate government regulations like that. And 55 is way too slow. I'm sorry. It's just too slow. I just feel like I have a really good understanding of how fast my car needs to go on certain roads.

Obviously, some roads you can't go full on, but others you can. I'm gonna say one other thing and you can get mad about it. If you want New Year, new me, maybe.

I saw this. The primary we had one of the candidates talking about building the FBI and new and spectacular building, which shocked me because it was a candidate whose campaign was directly targeted by the FBI that colluded with the DOJ to get an illegally illegal and fraud FISA warrant to spy on his campaign. And he wants to build a new and spectacular FBI building.

How about building a new and spectacular wall or a new and spectacular border patrol or new and spectacular border integrity? We don't give a rat's ass about an FBI building, especially, especially considering I mean, what would the J six people say to that that are actually in detention still? Curious.

Curious. I don't want to hear about any new and spectacular federal buildings when I see this hot mess at the border. Oh, don't tell me that somebody tried.

I don't believe it. You can't you can't legislate by executive fiat. You got to lead and you got to have Congress make it permanent like tax cuts.

Which should have been permanent and weren't. Yeah, I got issues and stupid little town halls by networks covering their backsides because they realize they sort of stepped in it by scheduling it on scheduling one of their town halls on a debate night. It's not going to cut it. Not going to cut it. So I don't do resolutions. I hate New Year's. I just think I'm going to let the burning bridges light my path forward from here on out because I don't care. I don't give a rat's ass about trying to kiss up to anybody in a network. I don't care about trying to make friends with anyone in DC. I hate all of these people.

And I don't say that for the lack of a better word. I truly don't like them. I don't like any of these people. I don't care about your stupid DC stuff. I don't care about your elbowing and trying to be all popular with contributors and all of that stuff. Been there done that don't need to do it again. Don't want to do it no more.

That's why I always say no. Don't care. I care about being left alone. I care about the future of the country. I care about the state of the 2024 election. I care about actually winning. Anything that bars a win is an obstacle and a problem and should be obliterated. That is how I look at it. So let the burning bridges of a thousand fires. Let the fires of all these burning bridges light our path going forward.

Otherwise, I really don't have I hate New Year's. And I'll add one thing. And I said something about this on Facebook, I think. I'm a little bit optimistic, I think. Just when you think if the news is heavy, and it will be, it'll it's going to ebb and flow. If it feels heavy, you know, going into this 2024 news cycle, I want you to consider this. That we are very lucky to have all been placed on this rock by a grand designer. And if not us, then who?

And if not now, then when? So I don't say have faith in your fellow man. I will never tell you that because I have faith in no man. But have faith in the plan from the grand designer.

We have a we have a awesome God. And that's what your face should be in. So think about you know, we're all here on this rock together at this exact time having been placed here. I'm just saying there's you know, take heart in that because I know I trust myself to kind of TCB I think you kind of do too.

So maybe there's something to that. So just feel a little optimistic. And I see this as somebody who's never optimistic. So the the battle's been won. So it's going to be really hard. So it's going to be we're going into Iowa. And this is just day one of a new year. So just get ready, folks, buckle up. And most importantly, have fun with it. Thanks for tuning in to today's edition of Dana lashes absurd truth podcast. If you haven't already made sure to hit that subscribe button on Apple podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.