Absurd Truth: Jill Biden's Bizarre Christmas Tap Dancers

Dana Lashes, Absurd Truth Podcast.

It's his life mission to make bad decisions. It's time for Florida Man. Man, some of these are wild today. Like, what is up?

I got a guy over here selling 40 pounds of horse meat and all kinds of stuff. Like, what in the world? All right, first off, this dude, this Florida Man, stole an ambulance and took police on a chase that ended right literally in front of the sheriff's office. Like, literally pulled up in front of it.

Yeah, that's pretty convenient. Columbia County Sheriff's Office, the deputy was helping EMS with a patient who was in an altered mental state. Probably under drug influence. The guy, 35 year old Stanley Williams, got in the ambulance and just drove away. Sheriff's Office says at some point it suffered tire damage and it struck a curb and Williams drove it into the entrance, literally right into the entrance of the sheriff's operation center, like right into the entrance. Like, right by the flag and everything. Like, you know, the little garden area in front of some of this stuff right up to the damn door. The whole ambulance. It's like the cops ordered delivery.

Yeah, it does actually. It's like, hello, EMS delivery. Now, the sheriff's office says there was no damage to its property other than some of the cosmetic damage to the lawn. So, they said it's not every day a pursuit ends at our front door.

Nice. Yeah, they said the guy's got charges of grand theft, fleeing and eluding, all pending. Do I want to get the guy at the horse meat? Because we had one guy who checked out of Walmart with literally, the cash register is not for sale.

Does that have to be said? He didn't buy it. Well, or for stealing.

It was 830 on Sunday, Walmart in Palm Coast. Flager County Sheriff said a Florida man took the cash box out of her register and legit walked out with it under his arm. They don't know who he is. He's balding.

He has a red shirt on. He's making a stupid face. Yeah. Man, the video of that guy driving this right up to the sheriff's office too. Can I just come back to that for a minute? Was wild. That was wild.

Was it a woman driver? It was wild, man. I keep watching that video.

It's on autoplay. I've seen it seven times. It's just... Okay, so you guys are like, wait, tell us about the horse meat. Okay, yeah, that was... This guy was busted for selling 40 pounds of horse meat.

You can't do that. It's like illegal. This was... Gosh, this guy, his mugshot says, Yeah, I did it. It was a horse meat sting in a Home Depot parking lot.

But Miami Lakes dude got arrested on a felony charge, according to police. They said a horse had been slaughtered for its meat. Police coordinated a setup to purchase it from this dude.

And he got base... Oh, man. The informant gave him $500 and he got a large black plastic bag of horse meat. 40 pounds of what they said was illicit meat. Elicit meat.

Add that to the list. Elicit meat. They said that you can't sell horse meat for human consumption unless it's clearly stamped mark described as horse meat, etc, etc.

It has to be from a licensed slaughterhouse. So I guess is that a way to make sure that I don't like... I just think that if you're buying unidentified meat in a Home Depot parking lot in a black trash bag, then you deserve to whatever the hell happens to you. That's just like your penalty. It's like a tax on stupidity.

That's nature's tax on stupidity. You know what I'm saying? Like, then you deserve whatever. Whatever happens to you then. Let's see. It was an old man fight in underwear.

Both old dudes screaming at each other in the middle of the road. In underwear. We'll save that for tomorrow. It's a blue room. It's a big... They put the big giant tree in the blue room. And the way that they... We talked about this last week when... Was it last week or the week before when all the decorations went up? And they said it was... What was the theme?

It was something completely discombobulated. It's candy and magic and wonder. That's the theme. That's so dumb.

I wanna... Juan is showing the people on the simulcast. So they got... They're tap dancing a version of the Nutcracker through the White House. And there's a guy with a flower on his head coming on.

There's this weird dude. And it's... First off, I'm gonna turn into a purist. The Nutcracker, nay, tis not tapped. And then it's this chick in a blue dress and she just looks like...

I mean, I've used a meme of this woman to... She's gonna be my response today for everything. And then these people that are dressed up, I guess one is supposed to be the flower petal. One is supposed to be the Nutcracker.

One is the toy soldier. I mean, I don't know who the sugar plum fairy is, but these people are tap dancing all through. It's just a little cringe. I don't mind the...

Showing off the decorations. I don't like the fact... Nutcracker's not tap. I don't dislike tap. I mean, for crying out loud, I did workshop with Savion Glover, so stop. I don't mind it. But it's just why...

I think I'm bitter because of all the flack that Melania Trump got. I hate the guy with the petal on his head. I want to hurt him. I want to push him over.

He's in these high waters in his black taps with this multicolored suit on and he's got a flower on his head. And then we got this one chick dancing with a candy cane. Okay, we get it. We get it. Go ahead and mark up the floor there. We're gonna have to clean up the floor if he tapped all over. I can't deal. Am I being too bitter?

Kane, will you talk to me for a minute? I'm still being so bitter about this because I'm gonna be real. Every White House Christmas was so basic. And Melania Trump came in and it was... And I just liked her decorations. And they tried to go at her because she had this one sound bite. It was like during a catastrophe.

It was like some kind of foreign policy catastrophe. And she was saying nobody cares about Christmas decorations right now. And everyone tried to make it out like Juan is isolating this picture. Everybody tried to make it out like they were... That she didn't care about Christmas.

In fact, she was talking about can we focus on more serious things. Juan, throw that out there because this is gonna be my face to everything for the rest of the year. If you're watching the simulcast, it's just this lady. The way she has her head tilted, it's tilted back perfectly to where she looks like she's Danny DeVito bald. And I guess that's supposed to be a face of wonderment. But if Shriek had a face, it would be hers. And she's...

I don't know. It was just kind of cringe. But anyway, Melania Trump comes in and she had these really cool red Christmas trees. It was goth as all get out, man.

As a maximalist, I totally dug it. And then they trashed her. They said, oh my gosh, your decorations are so kooky. And not more than this. This is stuff in nightmares. It's just cringe.

It's basic. Oh my gosh, you put out peppermints for Christmas. So original. Can I just indulge me? I've been so cool about this, you guys. Now I can't be.

Look, we're gonna make our theme wonder and magic and candy. That is so stupid. That's so stupid. What is that about? That's not what Christmas is about. Are you afraid to say it's about Jesus because somebody who loves Hamas is gonna come and try to behead you? I don't know. What do you mean magic and candy and wonder?

All you can eat is cheap candy because it's magic that you got it in the first place and you're in wonderment at how bad Bidenomics is working? Is that how this goes? And those, the dancing, the guy with the pedal on his head, man, I'm not gonna get over that.

If I was in the dating pool, if I wasn't happily married and I found out that anybody I dated had dressed up like that and danced like that in a video, I would drop them like that. Boom. Be like, no, I'm sorry. This cannot go forward. This is done.

I don't care if there was a year put into it. Done. Can't do it.

It's over. No man should be walking around in that kind of suit with a flower on their head simultaneously. And you're wearing those shoes with no socks. Those are block taps. You're wearing those with no socks. That's so nasty.

I can see your ankle here. That's so gross. Nobody wants to be seeing that. Shave it. It's gross. I did say that.

Yeah, do it. I'm just real picky about this and I got issues, man. So I'm just, I'm a little bitter because I felt as though Melania Trump's decorations were really good and she got a lot of garbage for it and she shouldn't have. She didn't deserve getting a lot of garbage for it.

And they were, I probably, I think perhaps my favorite. I can't even tell you what Laura Bush's decorations were. Can you? I don't even know what her decorations were. What were her decorations?

Nobody knows. There's nothing wrong with a Christmas poinsettia, Dana says, as she has two poinsettias at the radio party later tomorrow. So don't be, you're not going to see them. Huh? Yeah, they are great. They're poisonous to animals too.

Don't let your dog eat them. But the peppermint stuff and like the big giant plastic candy canes, how much you want to bet that most of that stuff was made in China, that they had fest tuned around everywhere? Just saying.

So that came out. It just seems a little tone deaf, especially after the hostages thing. It seems a little tone deaf. Am I right?

Am I being too bratty? Please let me know. I just, this has been pent up for a week. I have empathy. I mean, we do the politic thing every day and this, you know, it, it all seems like it's a show and then you go and you see this and it's like, it confirms it.

It's all a show. You know what would have been really good? You know what their theme should have been? It should have been Oliver Twist or you know, better yet, no, it should have been Tiny Tim from Scrooge. That's what their theme should have been.

Not Scrooge, not, not, not Scrooge itself, but just Tiny Tim. That's what their theme should have been because that's what they're making everybody feel like across the country. What a stretch, Dana, but it's true. Think of it. Your grocery bill is like almost a hundred dollars more expensive now than it was.

It's so much more expensive. I'm already doing like the, I had, when I was sitting down doing the Christmas menu and all of this stuff and what we're going to smoke and what I'm going to prepare. And because I am, I use, I always keep notebooks of all my menus that I make.

I am mentally 110. I keep a notebook of like a notebook of all, it's a binder actually, of all of my past like menus and stuff because I'd like to, if this worked, I just want to be able to do it and not think about it, pull it out, boom, it's done. And it's less stress on me so I can actually enjoy time with my family.

And I know what works, what doesn't, you know, and I keep track of all of it. And sometimes I'll mark prices of like bigger items, especially if we're having like a lot, if we're feeding a lot of people, I'll put like a mark of, you know, how much this was, you know, and I'll probably put the year with it. Dude, it's so much more expensive this year. It is so much more expensive.

I mean, it's been more expensive the past several years, but particularly this year. Anyone who's telling you, like when I see them get up there with Bidenomics and they're telling you that everything is so much more affordable, where are they getting their groceries is what I would like to know. Where are they shopping? Because their policies have turned Aldi into Whole Foods for prices. Now I'm not knocking Aldi. There's some deals to be had at Aldi. Aldi's not bad, but I'm talking about prices.

They have turned Aldi into Whole Foods. Now that's not sustainable for most Americans. That is not sustainable for most Americans. I don't like to talk about charitable stuff that we do because I'm very Book of Matthew about it and I just feel like it looks cringe and it's not why we do it.

And I get embarrassed even talking about it. But we, just to illustrate the prices and the difficulty people are having as a result of this, we always, like whether it's through our church or through different food pantries, we always adopt families for gifts and dinner and all of that stuff every year. And there are so many more families and there were, they actually did have a drop off with one of the groups that we work with, particularly for the groceries aspect of it, because prices had got so much more expensive. It actually, through inflation, it curtailed their ability to be charitable. Now this is a very interesting catch-22 with the policies that this administration has, especially at this time of the year, because one of the things that people undertake, and not just around the Christmas season, but really all the time, is the caring of others and the stewardship of other people through the means that they have been blessed with. And that is spiritual edification.

It's everyone should have the ability to do a good turn because there is spiritual edification that comes from that. And when you are, your economic policies, which are directly driving prices, when that has cut people's budgets in half and reduced their ability to do both things, you are reducing their ability to pursue spiritual edification by sponsoring another family's meal, buying their kids Christmas presents, doing all of these things. It is one of the, this is the spiritual dark side of communism and statism.

And I was talking with an email with a group that we had donated, we donated to before, and we work with them for the meals for families. And they said, yeah, they had some more families that signed up, but they said the thing that really got them was that they had fewer people who were able to come together. These are middle class people. These aren't just like rich people that do this. This is like people of every socioeconomic status that do this. But they said that they had fewer people doing it because there are a lot of middle class, regular average, everyday middle class folks that are the goodness of their heart are doing a good turn to their fellow man, and their ability to do so has been greatly impacted by the economic policies of this administration. And I'm thinking, I was thinking about this, this is all happening yesterday, and I'm like going back and forth an email and I'm like, out of all the bah humbug things, you're kidding me.

You're kidding me. And that was just, I knew it, but to have it elucidated, to have that articulated in such a way by someone who works with these families every single day, it was a new, a new level of realization. My friends over at Hillsdale College want to wish you a Merry Christmas and thank you for all of your support for their amazing institution this past year. As you know, Hillsdale was founded in 1844 to offer the education needed to preserve civil and religious liberties and they hold true to that mission today. So their students are able to pursue their academic studies and engage in really robust and good will, academic debate on all the issues that we're told to, you know, we have to be brainwashed to discuss anymore today.

They teach critical thinking, not critical race theory at Hillsdale College. So they have a special video featuring their sacred music choir singing in a little town of Bethlehem. You can access that only at Dana4FORHillsdale.com.

It will definitely get you in the mood this Christmas season. And again, they just want to thank you for supporting their mission and you don't have to attend Hillsdale to take advantage of everything that they have to offer. When you go to Dana4Hillsdale.com where you can see their choir singing, you can also access a ton of free resources there so you don't have to be on their college campuses to take advantage.

You can be anywhere in the world. Just access it at Dana4Hillsdale.com and check out all of those free resources to help you celebrate the season. That's Dana4FORHillsdale.com. And now all of the news you would probably miss. It's time for Dana's quick five. So in football news, you guys are going to laugh at this because I've got a football headline for you.

Bill Belichick is going to leave New England Patriots at the end of the season after 24 years in charge following what they. Oh, you that's hurt you. It is surprising. I know. OK. OK. Well, they said that it's a disastrous run. That's how it was described as the U.S. sunset. Oh, 24 year run. It ended now.

They said back to back losing seasons, but he had all of the big successes, though. Anyway, let's see. There's what it's called the man pill, a holy grail male contraceptive that they say is 99 percent effective and 100 percent reversible, reversible. And they are trialing it on British dudes.

But apparently only a minority of men would take it. And I don't blame you. That stuff sounds. Don't be messing with your junk like that. Like, you know what I mean?

Like, come on. Supreme Court agrees to hear a high stakes dispute over the abortion pill. CBS reports that the Supreme Court said Wednesday they're going to take up the Biden administration's bid to maintain access to a widely used abortion pill, marking the first dispute involving abortion that the high court's going to hear since the overturning of Roe v. Wade with the Dobbs versus Jackson Women's Health case previously. They said it was brought by a group of doctors and medical associations, and they said the outcome of the case could have far reaching consequences. The drug is Mifpristone. That's the abortion drug.

Whether or not it can be who can obtain it, who can prescribe it, all of that stuff, and whether or not, you know, when and if it can be taken. So it's going to govern all of that. Boston Mayor Michelle Wu, which we're going to talk about here coming up, plans a no whites holiday party for members of the city council. The aide accidentally sent out a group email invite that meant only for electeds of color. She actually sent that.

She sent it out only for people of color. So that's so dumb. We're going to talk about this. A homeless man allegedly holds an Atlanta news crew hostage, threatened to shoot them. 90 minutes later, cops show up. This is in Georgia.

Atlanta first news reporters and a photojournalist, they were about to go live from a sheriff's office parking lot in Jonesboro. And they said they were cornered by a drunk man who said that he had a handgun. Now, they raised the alarm, but it took, they said, 90 minutes for police to respond and arrest the suspect, who is identified as Brandon Logan. And they said that it took him 90 minutes to respond during the time he made verbal threats to shoot them if they did not order food or if they called law enforcement. That's according to the judge in WSB TV. It was all happening in the courtroom. They said the victims attempted to leave the property, but because of his threats and he acted like he had a weapon, they felt like they were being held hostage. I would have rushed him. I'm not going to lie. I'd have rushed him and beat the absolute snot out of him.

I would rush him and I'd have beat him so bad, like his generations back, three generations deep in history would have felt it. But they, it's like, if they don't have, you better, if you don't have a gun, if they have a gun, they're going to show it. That's just me, right?

That's just me. If they have a gun, they're going to show it. Anyway, they said that they, they're still holding the investigation. They said into, you know, what they called a breakdown in police communication. In fact, one of, I think this was the Clayton County Sheriff's Office. They said that they, they were, they were being investigated along with the Atlanta police, Jonesboro police, and maybe they'll find 90 minutes.

That's, that's way longer than the average 19 minutes. Stick with us. We got a lot more in store after this. So what's the thing that we, we haven't really heard a war on, anything about war on Christmas this year, but we have had, have heard war on Christmas songs this year.

We have already heard of that. So everybody's always had a problem. What's, what's the song they've always had a problem with, Cain? Baby It's Cold Outside. Baby It's Cold Outside, yeah. Jiminy Christmas.

Well, there's a new song from John Legend and Kelly Clarkson, sidebar. I met John Legend once when I was on Bill Maher's Real Time, and I've never met anybody who talks about himself in the third person the way John Legend does. We got along. He was nice, but it was, you know, he was nice. He was civil. But when he, we were introduced, he goes, hi, I'm John Legend, John Legend, as he shook my hand. I was like, I heard you the first time. I mean, it was weird.

Anyway. So they have, they redid the lyrics to Baby It's Cold Outside. Now, is this new? Did they do this last year? Or was it another artist that did this last year? So they have updated lyrics to this song.

I really don't want to play it because they'll probably cite us and then they'll, they'll try to demonetize us. Yeah. So let me just, can I read you what they, oh my gosh, I'm not going to sing for you, but I am going to, I'll read this. This is so cringe. So you guys know the lyrics to Baby It's Cold Outside.

I really can't say it's cold outside. The evening has been so very nice. And then they said that daddy's going to be pacing the floor, so really a better scurry, but maybe just a half a drink more.

You know, what will my friends think if I have one more drink? Now, you know how that she sings her part and the guy sings his part. So when she goes, my mom will start to worry, he goes, I'll call the car and tell him to hurry. And she says, my daddy will be pacing the floor.

And he goes, wait, what are you still living home for? And she goes, so really I'd better scurry. And he goes, your driver, his name is Murray. And then she goes, but maybe just a half a drink more. And he goes, oh, we're both adults, so who's keeping score? And she goes, what will my friends think? And he goes, I think they should rejoice if I have one more drink. And he goes, it's your body and your choice. And she goes, I ought to say no.

And he goes, then you really ought to go. Beta. Lorraine says it came out in 2018. How have I not heard this until, oh, because I don't listen to trash. That's why I like the original. I like the Brat Pack stuff. I like I like Dino singing it. Yeah.

She says it came out 2018. I like Dino's version when Dino sings it. And I'm like, yes. Cash, Dean Martin is a gem. Was he not? Like, was he not just like a gift to America?

He was. Stop. Such a gift. And we got some technical difficulties right as we're getting ready to go. We got more.

So if you're watching, the simulcast just dropped because we had a little bit of a shutdown with some of the lighting. All right. So the baby is cold outside song, though. So Lorraine says that that came out in 2018 and I still thinking it's I haven't heard it. Have you ever heard this song? I don't want to play it. I'm not playing it because I'll die. Can't tell you how much I appreciate you for not playing it.

I love the original song. Can we please get back to like dudes risking it for the biscuit? You know what I'm saying? Can we do that, please? You got to risk it for that.

Can we have dudes that are like, you know what? I'm going to be like braggadocious with this check. I'm going to I'm going to go and I'm going to I'm going to be a man. You know, I'm going to I just cash. It's just I can't do a little low for radio audience if we like. I don't know if you want to do that right now. You're going to you know what?

I don't know if our radio audience will ever forgive me. This is the new version here. This is a classic go here. Oh, this is the classic version. OK. Yeah, the classic versions. Great.

They'll probably still try to demonetize us. Baby, it's cold outside. Baby, you can't go. It's cold outside, baby. Have more drinks, baby.

I don't think the TV audience can hear the music at all. All right. So let's change it up here as we as we get. Yeah, because we had a little bit of a technical hiccup with some of the it was like, you know what? It was the universe saying, don't you be playing that song girl. I'm going to make it to where you can. That's what it was. Thanks for tuning in to today's edition of Dana Lash's Absurd Truth podcast. If you haven't already, make sure to hit that subscribe button on Apple podcast, Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts.