Absurd Truth: Dana's Debate Recap - Birthday Edition

Dana Lashes of Sir Truth Podcast sponsored by Kel-Tec.

It's his life mission to make bad decisions. It's time for Florida man. All right, so this I mean, let's start with this one here. I'm gonna start with the boat guy. We're gonna see how we're gonna do this one. Okay, a Florida man was caught on surveillance. Taking a deuce while trying to rob a boat. 75 year old Florida man.

So okay, this goes right into what you were saying that old people are not innocent. 75. Is he taking one or is he leaving one?

Because I think it's more accurate. Yeah, why do people say he's taking a deuce or he's definitely leaving it? Yeah. So he is caught doing the do while attempting to rob a boat. It was 75 year old Florida man. He went through a docked boat.

Didn't take anything. Michael Wiersbicki Sr. was captured on surveillance video while attempting to rob a boat in the early morning hours of Sunday, September 17. He was in Punta Gorda Police Department.

The boat's owner was asleep. It was at the park marina. Officers were informed by the victim that an elderly man was on the boat security cameras going through his stuff and Well, he deuced right on the boat. They arrested him.

They finally got him. But yeah, he deuced right there on the boat. He left a deuce. He didn't take anything.

Okay, here we go. Sleepy drug dealer caught with fentanyl in an unusual spot. Okay, so this woman Katrina Workman stashed a bag of fentanyl in her backside. Her jail wallet. Three counts of possession of a controlled substance without a prescription. One count of possession of methamphetamine. One kind of introducing a controlled substance. She had a lot of charges. Here's my thing. If like one like little bit of that can kill you.

Do you really trust a baggy? Right? You're gonna... Golly people. As students begin heading back to school, do you think they'll be learning about the founding principles that made America the freest and most prosperous nation in history? Will they learn that our unalienable rights are God given and not granted by government?

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This is my first thought. I was watching this debate, and I'm not even a Haley fan, but I was watching this debate and I went back to like, I'm like Mortal Kombat was made for this. Not that, not for the enjoyment of playing games, but because one day they knew that I was going to play this soundbite during a debate.

That's why, that's the whole reason why. Welcome back to the program Dana last year with you to the bottom of this first hour. You know, I would have played a drinking game watching the debate, but I felt like I was already drunk without the benefit of alcohol.

Just listening to some of the answers from these candidates. You deserve better listeners. You deserve better.

You also deserve, like, decent moderation. I don't dislike the people that were up there except for the Univision lady. The hell was that? Seriously, sidebar.

Can we just like have a, you know, side chat here? What was that about? Who's, who's she?

She gets up there and she's like, you guys are racist, and you all probably hate brown people. So let me ask you this question. Everything was pretty much like that. Oh, you guys know it. It went through that filter.

It went through that filter. You guys want to hear the grossest, most, the worst overshare from the debate? Because this is really what it's all about.

Yes, I can talk to you about policy and hits and misses, which I'll get to. But I had to hear this. And so you will too.

This, ladies and gentlemen, is audio soundbite 15,000. My wife isn't a member of the teachers union, but I got to admit, I've, I've been sleeping with a teacher for 38 years. And the full disclosure. Full disclosure. No, don't that does not make you more relatable. Stop it. People are just like, well, I would hope you would sleep with your wife, you know, and don't tell us about it. That'd be great.

Do and just no, never tell anybody. Just like that. That was that was I had that that was one of the biggest. Now the soundbite we came in with was the biggest kick in the neck of the night.

That was Nikki Haley to Rama Swami. Now, there's, you guys know what I'm talking about, right? There's a point, maybe you're watching a movie, maybe you're watching a TV show, whatever. And there's someone that really deserves to be bullied.

And you guys know I'm being honest, right? There's someone you know, who totally deserves to be bullied. And when it happens, you you're like, yes, somebody got told they got put in their place, schadenfreude. But then, like that energy keeps going from that same person. And you're like, okay, that's, you know, you, we like to that moment, but don't don't keep it going. This is not you can't ride this out. You just can't ride the bitch wave all the way through to the debate.

That's you can't do that. Because then you make the guy look sympathetic. And I don't think that that's what Nikki Haley wanted to do.

But I fear that she kind of did with some of his people with some of the big Rama Swami's people, she made him feel like they made him look like he was the victim. I don't know, he this was the let's see, we have the best Freudian slip of the of the whole debate, which one you see, it's like we have a 50. Okay, here it is.

I'll do somebody three. This was the biggest Freudian slip of the debate. Listen, Hunter Biden, millions of dollars was a partner of yours as well. It's not nonsense. These are good people who are tainted by a broken system.

And it's not the fault of anybody. Thank you for speaking while I'm interrupting. Thank you for speaking while I'm interrupting. That's so great. That was the biggest Freudian slip of the night.

He didn't really have a lot of policy, he would break into these platitudes. And I'm just so tired of that, right? He acts like he's Oliver Twist. You know, I grew up and I was eating gruel and I would go with my empty bowl. Stop it. Shush up. You are not. I can't deal with it. Everyone.

It's like they have a pour off. You know, you notice that? I was poor. You weren't poor.

I was too. I was joking the week before, when Mike Pence and Mitt Romney got into a fight. How does that work when you have two guys that wrap themselves in faith, and they try to act like the biggest Christian on earth? I'm not saying that's a bad thing. But you guys know what I'm talking about, right? Like, you know, this was warned about with the Pharisees.

And how do you fight like that? Like, I'm gonna pray for you. No, I'm gonna pray for you. Bless you.

God bless you. Just like, how does that work? I don't know. I just, I just he was weird. Pence was weird last night.

Don't you think so? He was offer than usual. And it didn't look well. You really don't have a stark contrast, I think, between old and new. Like you had the old guard GOP, which is like the Christie's and the Pence's. And then you had like the newer people, which I would think is the DeSantis.

And I'd throw Ramaswami, I don't think is a genuine Republican, but I would throw him in there. Oh, he's not. And then you have Doug Burgum, who only got on stage, because I really think last night was an elaborate sting operation to help Eugene Levy get his eyebrows back. Because Doug Burgum, who's the governor of North Dakota, he has Eugene Levy's eyebrows, Google it, and you'll be like, I'll be dang Dana's right.

I think it was just an elaborate sting operation to get those back. Every now and then he would pipe up and I that he did not want to he wanted to be ungovernable from the beginning. Because the moderators would intercede and say no, no, no, you need to they'd interrupt him interrupting and say you need to you need to speak in the time allotted and Burgum's like the hell I will. I mean, he just was not having it. It was he was like a goose with a knife. He was not having it. It was right.

It's totally what he was like, be ungovernable. So that was that there were there was a I kind of like that when he got mad and just kept going. There were it was weird. Did your did your mind change?

Did anyone's mind actually change after last night's debate? I think we have to seriously now have the question or answer the question of we've we've got a really start winnowing down this field. We really do. You have heard me talk a lot about how much I love my Caltech P50. It's just so versatile and has become a global choice of protective details and sport shooters like me. Well, have y'all seen the new R50? Like the P50, the R50 carbine is light, well balanced and easily manipulated. The side folding tack driver gives you maximum speed, accuracy and power down range.

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keltechweapons.com. And now all of the news you would probably miss. It's time for Dana's quick five. Oh, yes.

We have a lot more of the debate stuff coming up too because I have some the grossest moment still hasn't happened. There was one. Okay, so first up, there was a fan. This was not even in Florida. This was a fan who is denied entry into a Phillies game because they tried to bring in an emotional support alligator.

Excuse me, I thought this was America. Phillies fans. One fan was denied entry into the Citizens Bank Park Wednesday night. He tried to get in with his emotional support alligator. The Philadelphia Inquirer identified the guy as Joy Henny, and his alligator named Wally helps him battle depression. So according to the officials, the Philly official website, they say guide dogs, service animals, service animals and training are welcome.

Other animals are prohibited. Dude, he's got this thing harnessed. It's like harnessed and it's his emotional support game. And Henny told the Inquirer that Wally has 109 followers on TikTok.

So doesn't that make him legit? Likes to give hugs and is friendly. He said his doc wanted to put him on depression medicine. He hates taking medicine. He had Wally. When I was around him, I was okay.

And my doctor was like, okay, well, it works. So why not? So he said he rescues reptiles at home and zoos and find them finds them homes at zoos and sanctuaries. And he's had Wally since 2015. He's not like a huge gator, but I get it. You know, like, it's, you know, they're a little bit I mean, can you train him?

I mean, normally, you have to have those animals certified and the certification shows that they've gone through a level of training, meaning they're not going to just like attack and, you know, so I do think you got to be careful with that because I've heard of stories and I've actually known people who've had their actual animals attacked and bitten by animals that are emotional support animals, and they go after actual trained animals. So you know, we can't Yeah, I get it. I get it. But I do like that little gator.

It's kind of funny. There. I love me some curly fries, like as much as the next person, but y'all don't need to be doing this stuff.

Okay, like we don't need this. This is in Texas at a jack in the box. It like went crazy. Because it was a dry fry shooting.

That's right. It happened like literally in 21. But now the surface is only the footage is only just surfaced online and it's blowing up. And it apparently kicked off at a jack in the box near the Bush Intercontinental Airport in Houston. And then he realized one guy realized his 1299 combo meal did not have the curly fries. So we went back and began raising hell with the drive thru employee Alonia Fantasia Ford, according to local 10. They would not give him the curly fries and then all hell broke loose.

Police were involved. We just don't need to be doing that. Right? Like just ask it politely. You know, you'll get it your way. Just don't be crazy. And coming up, I'm gonna play for you an Aztec death whistle. Because apparently, the legend is that that's accompanied human sacrifices.

I also think they should play it at every debate, which we got more of and a lot of other stuff to stick with us. This was not my idea. This was the idea of the crew.

That's true. Kane and really was Stephen Wan. So happy birthday to you. You are just for people who know because there's a lot of people asking online. How old is Dana? And I was like, she's 29 with several years of experience. That's right. Yeah, I think that's the best answer to give.

Yeah. I'm actually 45 today. So I didn't even expect you to say I thought Yeah, I know I've known you for so long. There were years you would not tell people how old you were. I have my grandma's line of thinking because my grandma would be like, Are you really that ill bred that you ask a woman her age? It's like me asking like, if a man of certain age, is that your hair or plugs? You know, it's like the same thing.

I don't know. I've just never really. I'm just glad I'm not a millennial. So I'm that's how I embrace that. I embrace the Gen X of it. So yeah.

Thanks for birthday. Ever since you were than 30. You've been doing this show.

Yeah, that's pretty amazing. What was it? Or was it like, right? I was October 28 2008 was my first show. First radio program.

So then yeah, 15 years is on a Sunday night. And all the callers were I had one woman who only wanted to talk to me about shoes. And then I had people who would call in to talk about aliens. And then George nori came on my show. Like I was only on air for like a month and he came on my show. And I thought that was really cool. Yeah, that was even before when you're just like a contributor quote unquote. Yeah, I remember that too.

Yeah, that's wild stuff. Well, thank you guys for the Yeah, happy birthday. We do have a little gift and a card for you. And we'll we'll do all that I guess off camera.

Do any of that, but it's totally cool. You did. Thank you guys.

No. So we've been Yeah, I will tell you this. My husband was like, What do you want to do for your birthday? And I was like, I want you to make pizza. Because he makes really good pizza.

And we have a pizza oven. And I want to play video games. So basically, I want to have like a 15 year old boy's birthday. It's like, I don't really want to, you know, do anything. And I don't really I just let's literally what I want to do.

I am mad because I play vermintide too. I usually like first person shooter or horror games. That's, you know, it's just and I grew up playing like Doom on PC. Or like when Nintendo first came out. And then Sony PlayStation and all that stuff. So I don't like like the 8bit stuff, which the younger generations apparently seem to love.

I don't know why I wanted to be as realistic looking as possible. So I tend to do like old school stuff. So it'll be like Back 4 Blood or we'll play Killing Floor or Call of Duty or vermintide too. And my class isn't my new class isn't going to be out until October 19. So I really can't play any more of that until my new lady's out. So anyway, some of you are like, I have no idea what you're talking about. And that's okay. That's okay. And I'm and we play casually.

However, you would die if you saw our setup, because it is hardcore. When I play, I want to play. There's certain things that get super bougie at I get really bougie about my olive oil. I get really bougie about shoes. I'll get really bougie. There's certain things right that you just this other stuff.

I don't care, right? I order black t shirts off Amazon. The shirt I'm wearing right now I order black t shirts off Amazon. The shirt I'm wearing right now I ordered off of Amazon.

I paid $13.99 for the shirt. I am really like some stuff. I don't care. But like cheese.

Oh no, I want the Goodbury. Like, like really good. You know what I mean? Like that kind of stuff.

There's like a handful of things. My game setup? No, I gotta be bougie. I want the bougie controller. I want you know, I want everything to be you know, this is how I am.

So I don't know everybody's got their quirks. It's mine. So that's what I'm gonna do.

So that's what I'm gonna do. I want to I want to I literally want to eat pizza and play video games and have the birthday party of a 15 year old boy. So let's have a pizza.

Well, it depends. Like usually it's just like a pepperoni pizza and I like crispy, thin, small pepperoni. I don't like giant pepperoni. I like the thin, not too spicy, you know, crispy pepperoni. And then a good cheese and very simple sauce. So usually it's like the San Marzano crushed tomatoes and some, you know, some olive oil and just a little bit of pepperoni. Just some spices and that's keep it simple. That's so that's usually how we roll.

That's how we roll. And just a good crust, a good yeasty crust. So yeah, I was like ruined after we went to Italy.

And we so for people who don't know, and then I'm going to get into mean potato stuff, but it's my birthday, so you'll indulge me. So I before we went to Italy, I was like, I actually want to, you know, I work out and you know, I really I eat super clean. I eat ridiculously clean. Like I don't have processed sugar. The old I don't have dairy. I don't do any of that except for brie every now and then.

I eat a lot of protein, red meat, things like that a lot of fish. And before we went to Italy, I was like, I'm gonna I'm gonna just because I'm anticipating eating like Chris Christie when I get to Italy. I'm maybe I'll drop like five pounds so I can pack it on with pasta and gelato.

And I really thought that I was going to come back from Italy, like, you know, not being able to button my pants because I am not kidding you. I had like, because in Italy, they eat a pastry. They don't they're not breakfast people in Italy. They'll have an espresso and then they have like a sweet pastry and that's it. Like they'll have like a croissant. And sometimes it'll be like a custard filled croissant or something like that. It's a sweet pastry and then just like you know, your simple coffee. And then they have the pasta and they have like a 5000 hour dinner, things like that.

So you know, I would have like a totally out of you know, the blue for me. I would have like a sweet for breakfast and my coffee. And then I would eat gelato literally three times a day. I had pasta like twice I mean pasta and that was like my main dish then I would have other dishes. You guys don't even understand how much I ate. I lost 10 pounds actually technically was 11. And then when I was like how did I lose weight eating this much and going to Italy and you know how it's because we walked I'm not joking you on average eight miles a day. We walked eight miles a day. That was what my my watch told me at we were averaging because you walk everywhere so I get it I get it that's why you know I it makes sense to me so I actually kind of evened out right like I basically lost five pounds like I lost a little weight going over there and then and I you know walked everywhere and then I came back and I'm like my legs were just banging and you know and I ended up like you know minus five pounds total so that was like great it worked out well but I legit ate like a dude I ate like Chris Christie I had gelato three times a day I had oh my gosh piccata chicken piccata shrimp I had everything I had the some amazing red you know pasta with red sauces and guanciale and all of it oh my gosh so good and oh to say nothing of all the lemon delights I had Jiminy Christmas I had so much so anyway that's the story that's the story if you want to lose weight go to Italy and eat everything and just walk I'm not kidding you one day we walk 12 miles I didn't even know that you don't even know you're walking that much and then unless you have something that tracks that you look down you're like holy cow for real like you do not realize how much you're walking because there's so much to look at but literally we walked I think the the least amount was like seven miles one day no joke that's it's crazy so there you go go to Italy to lose weight for that alright so let's get into some of this other stuff and thank you all for the nice birthday wishes they do appreciate it I'm not a celebratory person I always I like to celebrate other people but I get real weird when everyone's like that I'm like oh my gosh I don't know what to do