Absurd Truth: Ramen for Breakfast!!

Dana Lashes of Sir Truth Podcast sponsored by Kel-Tec. It's his life mission to make bad decisions. It's time for Florida Man.

So I don't know why anybody would do this. The Florida Man decided he had a he got a DUI on his bicycle because he was trying to run away from him from from police a 28 year old Florida Man. He was arrested. They were trying to get him to stop. He was charged with fleeing a loot fleeing and eluding. He was on a bicycle impeding traffic.

He was apparently at 9am like people. So the police responded. He did not stop.

They had their line lights and sirens going. The individual in question Clayton Guy Peavy kept pedaling. He just pedaled faster. So he finally stopped after he got tired and they booked him into Monroe County Jail on a $7,500 bond. He actually thought he was going to outpedal the police.

He thought he's gonna outpedal him. And he was he was drunk as a skunk on his bike in the middle of the highway. Apparently that's why people that's what they call the police.

Why would you do that? I don't know. I mean, a Florida Man. This is CBS 12. He was caught hiding in insulation after he broke into somebody's home.

Oh, that's so bad. Lee County Sheriff's Office. The deputies responded to a burglary in progress. And at the house they were told that an unknown man walked in but never left. So they heard somebody in the attic and they went up they found a five gallon bucket under the attic along with debris on the floor. And they told him to come down multiple times he refused. So they had to use a non lethal gas to force him out of the attic.

Even with that he didn't come down. So then they had to use a canine unit and they found 44 year old Bruce Davis who looks like he's 70. Buried under insulation with his face pressed against an air duct to breathe fresh air. And he was totally buried under insulate.

Oh my gosh, it's so bad. So they found all kinds of stuff. But you know, he had tools he broke into the house safe, you know, all of this has a lengthy criminal history, including theft and multiple drug charges. So he was charged with burglary and resisting an officer. Oh, man, that just makes me itch just looking at the photos of it.

Just yesterday. He was on the drawbridge. And there's like all these aerial photos and he just had to hang. It was on the intercoastal waterway. It was on a bricknell city center. And of course, somebody on tik tok was watching the events unfold and recorded it. I mean, Kylie, did you call the police maybe? They said that the bridge was raised and lowered back down.

There's no police in sight. And he can't play the video because he causes literally throughout the whole thing, which makes it entirely unplayable. But he looked out his window and he saw a guy stuck on the bridge. I guess the guy was crossing the bridge, walking across the bridge. And he it's up entirely vertical. And the guy's hanging onto it for dear life. Like I guess on a crack or something in the pavement. Okay, so here's my question.

Don't laugh at me. I've never seen a drawbridge raise up like that. I've never seen a drawbridge in my life. Never have. But I would just imagine it's not like they flip up really fast.

You know, there's they take some time. I mean, I'm just looking at the distance I could have easily sprinted down. I could have easily and I'm a distance runner who's not a great sprinter. I could have easily sprinted down. So this guy it was entirely vertical. And this guy was hanging on to the pavement. Right as the boats were allowed to pass underneath. I because they they I mean, it doesn't show the whole bridge raising up. It just shows it part way up.

But they I mean, it's slow, right? Why didn't he just run back down to level ground? Why is he a moron?

Because if he would have fallen, he'd have broken his neck. What is what what is wrong with you, Miami man? What is wrong with you? Yeah, well, I mean, most of them they're endearing. This guy's just dumb.

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Kel-TecWeapons.com. Now, the president is traveling around the country trying to sell everybody on his budget, which nobody's buying because everyone's broke. No one believes you. I saw this story. It's from CNN. They're trying to make you feel better about being broke.

No joke. It says, they go, the high price of eggs and other breakfast staples is forcing some to look for cheaper alternatives. How about ramen? You know how much sodium is in ramen? Those little ramen instant cups?

I think it smells like feet. The cups. I don't like instant anything in a cup.

You know how much process I think goes in that? It's so bad for you. If it comes in a cup, you put it in a microwave, find something better to eat.

I mean, get some fruit, something. This is bad. They're saying, Cup of Noodles, the budget-friendly food company, has created a breakfast version of their instant ramen. It mixes together the flavors, the flavors of sausage and maple syrup pancakes and eggs and a saucy texture come to life with water.

So it's noodles, but with like sausage flavor. We're never getting out of this segment. What happened? I don't know. I don't know. Oh my gosh. I think I'd rather starve to death.

Oh my gosh. Sausage flavored noodles, Kane. I was wondering what bugs they recommend with ramen. I mean, I would almost rather eat them than... Crickets?

Yeah. Mmm, chicken flavor. Cricket ramen is fire. This is horrible. I would legit starve to death. I would eat dirt.

It has minerals in it. I mean, I would eat that. Oh my gosh. I can't.

Okay, let's get back to them. So it's going to be on sale for $1.18 at select Walmart stores and you can get it on the website. I mean, they had a pumpkin spice ramen last fall.

I saw people riot over that, basically. And it's flavor. It's sausage flavor. How do you make sausage flavor? Shut up.

You know what I mean? How is that? Or chicken flavor. It doesn't have those things in it.

It's just the flavor. The bouillon. That's gross.

It's the reduced... They don't have... No, they're not going to have no egg bouillon. It's the reduced and freeze dried, I guess it would be the broth. So gross.

And then... Egg broth. The thing is, I'm a fan of ramen. I like ramen. I mean, maybe not the instant stuff like you said. Like Juan showing that on the screen right now.

Yeah, there's no way. I don't... But I like the ramen.

You go to a nice Japanese restaurant. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I like noodles. This is not that. No, it is not. This is...

It is not. This is evil in a cup that is going to get you is what it is. If my grandmother was alive, she'd be like, that's of the devil, right there is of the devil.

Of, oh, the, of the devil. Which instant food will you tolerate? Mine's mashed potatoes.

None. I literally will not eat instant food. I will go hungry. I'm not kidding you.

I try to avoid the microwave as much as possible, but I'll do popcorn in the microwave. The one thing that I did when I was in college was the hot pocket. Oh man. Yeah, dude. They don't make them like that anymore. No, they don't.

They wear it. And you're like, I probably had like, I don't know, I don't understand the degrees, but I probably had like 50,000th degree burns on my roof of my mouth or something like it burns your lips right off. I mean, it's just the hot pockets so hot when it comes out. And then there's always that one cold piece of meat in the middle that's nasty. And then you're like, why do I eat hot pockets?

And then you forget about that when you eat another hot pocket next time. So that's the only thing that I ever did. I don't eat.

And that was when I was in college. I don't eat processed food because I it's just either something about it. I just can't eat it. It's just weird to me. I think it's just as I got older, and I had kids I just I don't know I can't I can't it just I will I will MacGyver up something in the kitchen based on like nothing.

We got some panko flakes here and got some some almond milk and paprika. Go to town. I don't know. It's just like all. I don't know. I just can't.

Do you eat instant food is so bad for you know how much sodium is in that? Nope, not anymore. I haven't. That's been a long time. I've been making my own food for quite a while now.

Now I just can't. So anyway, but but see, here's the thing. We're all we're all broke. And getting you know, like eggs are so ridiculously expensive.

Produce is so expensive. So they're sitting here. I mean, you got Biden out there talking about ice cream and people are like, well, I guess I'll have some egg flavored noodles, then a cup for $1. I mean, come on. And what was he talking about?

Can someone I know I didn't mean to go down this road, but can someone tell me what in the world? What is that ice cream brand? Hold up.

I'm gonna just Google this live right here. It's it's the same brand that Nancy Pelosi had in her fridge. It's Yeah, okay.

So it's the Jenny ice cream, J e n i. What is up with them and Democrats? It's like, is this a cult? Every Democrat is eating and they talk about it at some point. I read it somewhere that it is a that they're a big supporter of Democrats or something like that.

And they donate to Democrats. And that's why because Nancy Pelosi had two of her sub zero drawers, her 30 or she had like $25,000 fridge freezers, two of them. And she pulled out her drawers and they were filled to the brim with this stuff. This Jenny ice cream stuff.

And it is so dang expensive. You get a little bitty bit. A little bitty bit is what you so one of the hold up how many I don't know how many ounces it says. Oh, look at the ounces. It's a it's like, it's like $13 for a little bitty thing.

It looks like that looks like a cuff what to tell me how much is in it. You stupid website, eight ounces, it doesn't even say because all the decoration on the front of it. It's 16 ounces. If it's a pint, half pint is eight.

Oh, my gosh, one pint is is $12 without tax and without tax $12. So oh, my gosh, almost a dollar an ounce. That's insane. That is absolutely insane.

Does it take weight off you as you eat it? Who's going to pay that much for ice cream? I mean, so Nancy Pelosi had she had I mean, we froze it at one point when we count how many things she had there and add it she like something like, oh, like $150 worth of ice cream in her drawer. Just one drawer. She said she had another drawer and I'm like, Oh, my gosh. So she probably had like 200 worth she had I mean, I'm not exaggerating there were tons of them.

In that drawer. She's like, I just have my Biden was talking about this the other day he was talking about how he liked this ice cream. People are so damn broke. They're talking about eating egg flavored instant noodles that sell for $1.18 a Walmart for breakfast. You have legacy press outlets that are promoting this as a thing for people to do to save money.

And he's out there. I'm gumming this $12 a pint no tax ice cream. Oh, my gosh, completely tone deaf. I mean, for real, what do they?

Why is that ice cream so expensive? Why do Democrats like it so much? I mean, I have some theories, but man, that just it's just completely tone deaf. And now all of the news you would probably miss.

It's time for Dana's quick five. So BuzzFeed is quietly publishing entire AI generated articles and not not just like the little quizzes and stuff they do. It's like, I don't know, it's like an experiment of replacing all of the human writers. So they announced plans to start publishing AI assisted content. But apparently they've been publishing entirely AI authored articles. So do you remember back when everyone was saying, oh, well, journalists should learn to code and people were being kicked off social media for that? Well, it looks apparently like the code learned to journalists. So I don't know what their guess that's it.

There you go. Also Disney, they're eliminating its metaverse division as part of their company layoffs plans. I'm going to talk about what they try to do that what is that the rule of perpetuity is all that stuff came up yesterday. And everyone thinks that Disney had like this big thing over, you know, the Florida governor and the Republicans trying to stop them from bending over taxpayers. But I don't think it's gonna go how they how they plan. But Disney has had to eliminate its goofy metaverse division because they've been laying so many people off, and they're having an absolute fit right now. Disney's not doing well. I don't know if Bob Iger is going to be able to reverse it. I don't know if their new board is going to be I don't know. But it's there.

It's just not going not going over well at all. Also about the other couple of other things to hit. Denmark said that they discovered and identified a mysterious object found next to the Nord Stream two pipeline. It was a smoke buoy found at the depth of 73 meters. And they said that they retrieved it, it didn't look any longer suspicious, but they said it's an empty maritime smoke buoy, which was used for visual marking, it doesn't pose a safety risk.

So it wasn't, you know, proof of any kind of, you know, like, because I know Russia is accusing the United States, the United States is like, Why are you crazy? The FDA is approving over counter sales over the counter sales of Narcan, nasal spray, all of that amid the ongoing opioid crisis, man, you know, it's bad when they're pushing that over the counter. So they want to reduce overdose deaths driven by illicit opioids.

So now they have a Narcan nasal spray that's going to be available over the counter. Apparently, NASA is going to name the first lunar astronaut crew in 50 years, two Americans, one Canadian to crew Artemis two, they it's they're apparently going to announce it in about a week on April 3, they're going to NASA along with the Canadian Space Station, the space agency are going to together showcase their team that's going to go to the moon on Artemis two, it's supposed to launch no sooner than November 2024. They're going to loop around the moon during the first ever human lunar mission since the landing of the Apollo 17 in December of 1972. So it's kind of very interesting.

Additionally, let's see, I got a couple of other things here. Senator Fetterman, John Fetterman is apparently going to return to the Senate on April 17. Okay, I don't know if that's this year. But that's what they say that he's apparently going to return on April 17. It's his life mission to make bad decisions. It's time for Florida man.

So I don't know why anybody would do this. The Florida man decided he had a he got a DUI on his bicycle because he was trying to run away from him from from police a 28 year old Florida man. He was arrested. They were trying to get him to stop. He was charged with fleeing and elude and fleeing and eluding. He was on a bicycle impeding traffic. He was apparently at 9am like people said they police responded. He did not stop.

They had their line lights and sirens going. The individual in question Clayton guy Peavy kept pedaling. He just pedaled faster. So he finally stopped after he got tired and they booked him into Monroe County Jail on the $7,500 bond. He actually thought he was going to outpedal the police.

He thought he's gonna outpedal him. And he was he was drunk as a skunk on his bike in the middle of the highway apparently. That's why people that's what they call the police.

Why would you do that? I don't know. I mean, a Florida man. This is CBS 12. He was caught hiding in insulation after he broke into somebody's home.

Oh, that's so bad. Lee County Sheriff's Office the deputies responded to a burglary in progress. And at the house they were told that an unknown man walked in but never left. So they heard somebody in the attic and they went up they found a five gallon bucket under the attic along with debris on the floor. And they told him to come down multiple times he refused so they had to use a non lethal gas to force him out of the attic. Even with that he didn't come down. So then they had to use a canine unit and they found 44 year old Bruce Davis who looks like he's 70 buried under insulation with his face pressed against an air duct to breathe fresh air. And he was totally buried under insulate.

Oh my gosh, it's so bad. So they found all kinds of stuff. But you know, he had tools he broke into the house they you know all of this he has a lengthy criminal history including theft and multiple drug charges.

So he was charged with burglary and resisting an officer. Oh man, that just makes me itch. Just looking at the photos of it.

It's awful. A Florida man held on to a drawbridge for dear life as it raised to allow boats to go by. This is in Miami just yesterday. He was on the drawbridge and there's like all these aerial photos and he just had to hang. It was on the intercoastal waterway it was on a bricknell city center. And of course somebody on tiktok was watching the events unfold and recorded it. I mean, golly, did you call the police maybe? They said that the bridge was raised and lowered back down.

There's no police in sight. And he can't play the video because he cusses literally throughout the whole thing, which makes it entirely unplayable. But he looked out his window and he saw a guy stuck on the bridge. I guess the guy was crossing the bridge, walking across the bridge and he it's up entirely vertical and the guy's hanging onto it for dear life, like I guess on a crack or something in the pavement. OK, so here's my question.

Don't laugh at me. I've never seen a drawbridge raise up like that. I've never seen a drawbridge in my life. Never have. But I would just imagine it's not like they flip up really fast.

It takes some time. I mean, I'm just looking at the distance. I could have easily sprinted down. I could have easily and I'm a distance runner who's not a great sprinter. I could have easily sprinted down. So this guy, it was entirely vertical and this guy was hanging on to the pavement, right? As the boats were allowed to pass underneath. I because they they I mean, it doesn't show the whole bridge raising up, it just shows it part way up.

But they I mean, it's slow, right? Why didn't he just run back down to level ground? Why is he a moron?

Because if he would have fallen, he'd have broken his neck. What is what is wrong with you, Miami man? What is wrong with you? Oh, yeah, well, I mean, most of them, they're endearing. This guy's just dumb. He just hanging on for dear life. Thanks for tuning in to today's edition of Dana Lashes absurd truth podcast. If you haven't already made sure to hit that subscribe button on Apple podcasts, Spotify wherever you get your podcasts.