Absurd Truth: Take Down The Photos, Teacher

It's his life mission to make bad decisions. It's time for Florida Man. I mean, you know, it's a weird day when I have to put a story in slack and be like, Cain, is this real? Is this Florida Man story real? I don't know. Is that real? Okay, let me start with this and we're gonna get to this lady. I mean, we think it's real.

It's just one of those stories that's so nice. Okay, so apparently it was in Daytona Beach. This guy was arrested after burning down his own house because of he was worried about vampires. Daytona Beach said that his wife Melvin Weaver, he's 64, sought to have him committed for mental health reasons. But when police arrived, he was acting irrationally. Police determined that he could not be involuntary. He was acting irrationally committed. He was acting rationally.

They said, we can't Baker act him because he seems that he's acting in a rational manner. That was at 2pm. Okay, but by 7pm, and I don't know why it shows a champs store burning down on the simulcast.

See, that's what makes me you know, I'm like, he doesn't live in a champs. They said by 7pm he was angry and then the police had to come back. And he told police the vampires are going to defend themselves. According to the arrest report. He set fire to the home by throwing ceiling insulation onto the stove. His wife escaped unharmed and then he grabbed a kitchen knife and began knocking on neighbors doors saying that his house was on fire.

He was arrested at the scene. The house is totally destroyed. I mean, it's so insane. You have to go wait a minute. But I'm telling you, that may be okay. So remember, I was saying that sometimes Florida man makes everything else seem sane, except for that story.

That one doesn't. Where do you go the dentist can like when you where's your dentist office located? It's about four miles from where I live. Okay, so it's like in a like in a professional place. Yeah, it's Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Not like in a La Quinta.

No, it's not. I'm not in a hotel. Okay. No, you mean a motel?

Sorry about that. Yes, motel. So apparently, a Florida man was getting a La Quinta Inn and Suites room in Connecticut, and pretending to be a dentist. Yeah.

Uh huh. And when police arrived, he was he told them he was conducting dental referrals, but they legit found a quote unquote patient in the bathroom. The patient had gauze in his mouth saying that he just had a dental procedure. The individual, Hugo de Lima is charged with practicing dentistry without a license and illegal sale prescription drugs.

He's being held on a $350,000 bond. What in the world? And a Miami woman tries to run over her ex gets shot at and then sets her car on fire. Oh, well start Miami Dade, a woman in Miami, from Little Havana is facing a series of felony charges. She stole a pressure washer and then burned a Mazda in a farm field.

If this Roberto 27 began, it started in Palmetto Estates. She went to Rex boyfriend's house, dragged a pressure washer belonging to a second victim. They called police then she drove her vehicle away at a high rate of speed. She took her ex took out a gun began firing at her. Then she hit a Toyota Corolla pressure wash somebody's car.

This is not it was like a four hour bender and they finally arrested her. Dang. Celtic launched into 2023 this year with a new addition to their lineup of innovative high performance firearms. The new Caltech p 15 has broken the mold compact and maximum firepower generally don't go hand in hand. However, the p 15 offers both in a unique small package. The p 15 is an excellent choice for concealed carry. It offers plenty of dependable firepower to secure your world. This striker fire pistol is the lightest thinnest double stack nine millimeter handgun on the market at only 14 ounces seven eighth inches wide and a four inch barrel.

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That's K e l t e c weapons.com. Secure your world with Caltech. I also want to say a word about the decision yesterday made by the Florida Board of Education to expand the state's dystopian don't say gay law. She said that word right I was wondering as this measure takes effect, it will prohibit all students up to seniors in high school from learning about our learning about or discussing LGBTQ plus people in the classrooms. Teachers in Florida have already faced the devastating consequences of the existing law.

Under threat of having their licenses revoked. Gay teachers have been forced to take down pictures of their spouses from their deaths. That's not even accurate. That's such a lie. This is such a lie. censoring our class. There were actual gay teachers on Twitter yesterday in Florida, like not anonymous accounts and they were going this is a lie.

It's not even true. That's KJP like I had to tell you. I'm Dana lash. Welcome back to the show. If you don't have anything nice to say about anybody, come sit by us. We're the people to hang out with today.

Happy Friday. Bottom of the first hour. First off, that's not even accurate. Has she ever been to Florida? And yeah, what teacher puts a picture of their spouse on their desk? I've never in all of my years of schooling, Kane, I never saw that.

Where is this? What is this thing that Democrats are like, no teachers, it's very important that you talk to kids about how you actually participate in the physical act of sex. It's very important. I mean, you we don't think that you can feel seen and affirmed unless everyone knows what you do with your bits. When I was growing up, I didn't know squat about the personal lives of my teachers.

I didn't think they existed outside of the class. I didn't even know their first names for the longest time. It was Mr. or Mrs. Do you know what's weird? Like even when I would see my kid? Okay, this is gonna sound funny. But I don't know if this is like a Gen X thing or what. But remember when you were younger, and you would see your teacher in the grocery store? And you're like, what the hell are you doing here?

It was like, like you buy food. It was just weird. You're not used to seeing them outside of the context of the classroom. And I gotta be real with you. Like it extends to even now I would see I see teachers, my kids teachers outside of the classroom.

And I'm like, I'll be doing you're getting gas. Look at that. You know, it's just the weirdest thing. I don't know why. But it's just, I when I was a kid, I never asked these questions. I didn't even know if my teachers were married. I mean, I didn't I I'm not sitting there. Little sixth grade Dana wasn't sitting there in class, thinking boy, I wonder if Mrs. Roper has sex, you know, I didn't think about that stuff. I didn't think about it. Right?

That's not those are not thoughts that cross my mind. I want to and one of my teachers was an older woman who literally looked like she stepped out of the 1950s. With the glasses with the pearl thing, the little what are they they have them on the ends, the little necklaces that are on the and it hangs on her neck. Like she was one of those teachers. She had an endless supply of whistles. She would be whether it was in the hallway or the playground. I mean, when she wore the comfortable shoes, you know which one I'm talking about those weird kind of putting beige color shoes that had like a folk cork soul. You know what I'm talking about?

Buster Brown. Them shoes she wore. Her name was Mrs. Brunt. The only thing I knew about her and I'm not saying this to be me. This is how kids are. Is that when she kicked the bucket after we graduated or graduate after we went to a different grade after summer, you know, we went out because she was I think fourth or no, Mrs. Thomas was my fourth grade teacher.

Brunt I think was fifth. No, we were going to have her as a fifth grade teacher. She kicked the bucket.

And then everyone know hold up. Because we were we have the rumor was going around in school that she had donated her body to science that she's going to be reanimated as a zombie. That's literally the stuff we talked about. We weren't like I wonder if she had lots of sex before she died. Did the sex killer?

Is that how she died? We didn't talk about this stuff. Because we weren't weird, ridiculous people. We were kids. This I don't know what is wrong with adults today. They act like they ever never met no kids. They act like they've never met a kid in their lives. Well, you know, it's perfectly understandable that a child is going to be sitting at their desk looking at their teacher and wondering, do you have a penis or vagina? I mean, that's the kind of stuff that no one does that they're all terrified about making sure they get their homework on time and hoping they don't get called on to go and write the difficult algebra algebra problem on the chalkboard.

That's what they're thinking about. I just I didn't even know. My my teacher had a a jolly rant, like a jolly rancher jar on her desk. And I just was wondering, I mean, it was a big thing when we found her jolly rancher stash. She asked us to go and get something in her desk. It was in the she was on the playground. And we went inside a friend of me and my friend, we were tasked with this extraordinary mission. And we went inside the classroom. And she told us what drawer and the desk to look at.

And you know that you couldn't even get a teacher's desk unless they knew what they were talking about. They gave you permission. It was it was like opening the, you know, the holiest of holies or something. It was, you know, like going behind the veil to open the teacher's desk drawer. It was like you were opening the Ark of the Covenant.

You had to have special permission. And don't look at anything else in there. And we accidentally opened the wrong drawer drawer in a hurry. And I heard the crackle of an unmistakable crackle of a candy bag.

And I'm like, what? We looked down, it was her jolly rancher stash. It was the bag of jolly ranchers that she used to put in the jar. And our thought was, you mean she didn't make this come from magic? Because we just don't think about teachers doing everyday things like that.

Anyway, I can't remember what we needed, but we got it and we take it back out. Didn't touch the bag of jolly ranchers in the desk. Nowadays, kids slap fight with their teachers. I mean, I act like I'm talk, I talk like I'm from the 40s or something. I mean, this was like in the early 90s, late 80s, early 90s people.

Golly, I mean, we had synth for the love. Now, they're like, oh, you know, it's very important for these teachers to come in and be like, kids, guess how much of the sex I had over the weekend? No, that's not what kids are wondering. And if that's what you're obsessed with as an educator, then please find a different job.

Maybe like at a strip club or you know, something that you know, better suits, you know, your, your pats. Passions. They can't even keep a picture. Shut up. Now everyone's like, they can't even say it. There are no gay people in Miami now.

I just feel like these people have never been there. Did you see Twitter had fact checked her? And so the fact check is out there on the post where she is saying this, that they can't have pictures of her spouses on death.

And then the community notes is like, this is a lie. This does not exist in the bill and never has. I mean, it never they never there isn't they don't even say the word gay in the bill.

It's about parental rights and notification. It's like it is. It's like saying because I'm trying to think of like a crazy, ridiculous, completely absurd argument to compare it to and there isn't any because this is just they wrote it's about parental rights. And they're making it about don't say gay.

They can't even put that they have you seen the arguments keep getting bigger and bigger. They can't even pull pictures of their gay spouses on their gay desks. It's crazy.

And they're gay frames. They just can't even do that. They can't even breathe here.

They have to hold their breath the entire time they're in Florida. It's crazy. I mean, it's that's the level that it's getting to. I just I don't know. But you're right.

They are there. This is about eliminating individualism. If you reduce people to just the women, or the gays, or the Asians or whatever, you reduce individuality to just be nothing but a box to check for demographics. That is the point. That is the point.

They want to reduce everyone to one block. Good heavens. And now all of the news you would probably miss. It's time for Dana's quick five. Okay, so apparently science scientists have identified a mind body nexus on the human brain. But the relationship between the human mind and the body has been a subject. Why is this a thing?

They said that researchers said Wednesday, they discovered that parts of the brain region called the motor cortex that governor that govern govern can talk body movement are connected with a network involved in thinking, planning, pain, etc, etc, etc. Duh. What? Really? Like this is moving on. I'm really cynical today. This is what really has me just mad though. So I there's two different pieces on this that I read.

We talked about this yesterday fun size. It says that snacks are getting tiny because they're people they're looking for a fresh angle to snacks. No, it's because people are broke. Because everybody is broke. They can't afford nothing. Companies can't be packaging anything.

Shipping's expensive materials are expensive. They're making your snacks tiny. Am I looking at a Twinkie or a little ball of cake?

I don't even know anymore. But they're talking about bite sized food, mashed potato puffs, everything's getting small. There's no such thing as fun size. That is a lie. It's lying to you.

It is a snack that's trying to get you to think that it's funner because it's tinier and that is a lie. It's unamerican. There you go. Now we're all mad. I this is a people story. A dead body apparently saved a hearse driver who crashed and was left teetering on a snowy Colorado cliff. The driver said the weight of the body he was transporting for organ donation kept his vehicle from going into a canyon. I don't know what to think of this.

Right? It's the Hubbard and Sons funeral home service. He said he was run off the road by a red Dodge Durango as they approached the Eisenhower tunnel. This is like a horror film. He said they literally bounced me all the way over to the cliff. And I was teetering and when I opened my eyes, he goes I said there was smoke everywhere.

But it was the dead body that kept it countered. Wow. All right, coming up Jim Jordan on all of these whistleblower stories. Next don't miss. Like sands through the hourglass.

So are the days of the United States. Don't hear no because you know my saying, I eat no for breakfast. Is his name? No.

That way she looked at him was kind of scary. Dang, I eat no for breakfast. I mean, I'm having an Adam Sandler moment a happy Gilmore moment. You eat for breakfast? Welcome back to the program data last year. What is she? What show was she on? What show was she on? She was on the show. I don't know who I don't watch any of that stuff. Is that the Wendy Williams replacement?

That no, no, it can't be. Jennifer Hudson. That's Jen.

I don't know. Did she replace Wendy? I think I think Wendy Williams is gone.

I haven't seen daytime TV and I can't tell you how long. I don't even know what's on anymore. Do they still have what my grandma called the stories on?

Y'all know what I'm talking about the stories? Yeah, yeah, yeah, it was us. What's his name? Stefano on days of our lives that damn Stefano. I mean, he was he to that community of Salem on days of our lives was like to the Russian what the Russians are to Democrats here. Like what they say he's like Stefano was involved in everything.

That's all I know. She watched that. And then the one who was so stupid. What was the title? Oh, the the bold and the beautiful.

So they were bold and also beautiful. Love it. So I don't know what's on in the afternoons. I don't know what she so Steve, you're telling me that was Jennifer Hudson's Hudson show? Yes, she's a new show. It's literally called J HUD. And I think they replaced. I think you're right. It was a replace Wendy's time slot.

I don't know what channel they're on. But I cannot. I see I cannot abide that. I mean, no offense to J HUD or anything. But Wendy Williams was the OG J HUD. I mean, Wendy Williams, you have the two W's. I mean, that just sounds nice. I'm just saying. Golly, that was the first TV I ever did.

I'm gonna I'm gonna drop a picture in slack. Because you guys are on her show in the in the era where she would take a lighter and heat up slim Jim's live on TV. That's amazing. Why stuff? Great to cook them. Just warm them up.

Make them taste better. Really? So she said, I didn't even know I never tried it. I never tried it. But she took now I'm going to and she would warm up a slim Jim with a lighter.

That is actually that's a life hack. She's living in 2040. And we're all like, you know, here in the past, what in the world? Oh, my gosh.

All right. So she also said, Kamala Harris, I don't know if we got time for this. She also said she was gonna one day she's gonna write a cookbook. Is it gonna be full of recipes on? No.

This is audio somebody seven. We have time. And I actually it is part of my one day I'm going to write a cookbook. But I do I've I've started to actually write my recipes because the kids my husband will always say, Why don't you write down your recipes? Yeah. And I've realized I probably should start doing that. The family joke is that if somebody asked me for the recipe, I'll just say well, it's a little bit of this a little bit of that.

Okay. Jay has like, hmm, it that's weird. Like what in the world? She she acts like that's a new thing, you know, and I have this this pattern of cooking for certain meals. And I thought about writing it down.

No one has ever thought of that. Yes, I should do that. What?

What is the point of this conversation? And yes, I thought I should write down some recipe. Are they going to be of? No. You said that you you eat no for breakfast.

So is it a bunch of recipes with no what is that cooked on? I thought that was the kids. I thought that was the kids name.

Oh, yeah, that's true. The way she looked at him was scary. I felt like I needed to intervene on his behalf. Thanks for tuning in to today's edition of Dana lashes absurd truth podcast. If you haven't already made sure to hit that subscribe button on Apple podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.