Absurd Truth: Dana's Bud Light Commercial Idea

Dana Lashes of Sir Truth Podcast sponsored by Kel-Tec.

It's his life mission to make bad decisions. It's time for Florida Man. We're meeting two brawling goats. It's not as I don't love this as much as I love yesterday's story about the guy who got pulled over because he was driving erratically due to arguing with his parrot.

That was true. Two brawling goats ended up in a Florida jail after deputies were called literally in act two goats after their fight spilled into nearby yards according to Putnam County Sheriff's Office. The scene played out on April 30, just 60 miles south of Jacksonville. Police were alerted to a fight in progress and they showed up and it wasn't people. It was goats. The Sheriff's Office wrote the suspects were pretty mad at one another. The fight escalated into the yards of nearby residences. They said both were hard headed but officers managed to separate wrangle them and bring them to the Putnam County Jail.

A photo shows the goats still glaring angrily at each other as the police led them away on leashes. I want to hear that 911 call. If they love us, they're gonna release it.

If they love us, you're gonna release that call. Oh my gosh. Oh, okay.

Um, all right. A former Dunkin Donuts employee is this headline is making me hurt because it's not a whole W-H-O-L-E, a lot of trouble. It's a whole H-O-L-E on purpose. It's a pun. Former Dunkin Donuts employees in a whole lot of trouble after stealing dough from the register. Now at first when I read this story, I want to be real with you. I didn't even see the register part and I was like that you can eat the dough and I immediately was like that's the thing I can do. It's what we call money.

Yeah, I know. But I was you know, I was like dough, donuts, food? So a former Coral Springs Dunkin Donuts employee was arrested and charged with burglary after returning to a restaurant in full uniform serving the customers. And then when asked to leave, took a little money from the cash register. The police responded to the threat.

And they said that the store manager showed officers the surveillance footage of the suspect. His name is Maximo Rosario. I mean, with a name like that, like, I mean, you should be rising to greatness, not stealing from a cash register.

Your name is Maximo, for crying out loud. But he's in his Dunkin uniform. And it shows him. Well, literally he's on camera stealing. So he was booked. He's from Papano Beach. And he was arrested, taken to jail.

So that's I mean, duh, there's cameras everywhere. And he didn't even look up apparently either. Let's see, I got him. I can't read this. Nope, not that one.

This. Yeah, I think I'm gonna, okay, we're gonna read this one. A Florida man was apparently he got in trouble, because he apparently tried to grab someone's crotch on a flight, which is not something that you are allowed to do. I can't read this because everybody's pop up ads. Or what did I tell you about pop up ads?

I want to blow up your company when I read a pop up ad. Anyway, Florida man 74 years old was accused of grabbing a flight attendant by the crotch. I mean, I know that there's like, I don't know, I just think it's and that I'm not gonna read. That's insane. It's true, though. It's a true story.

He ended up being cited. Let's see this. There was we had the B story the other day. There was a Florida woman she's still fighting over custody of her potty trained motorcycle riding pet alligator. We'll have that tomorrow. Yeah, I didn't know you could do that with the gator.

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That's K e l t e c weapons.com. Secure your world with Caltech. And to me, this is the key learning. So moving forward, I agree with you. One challenge is what you call the misinformation and confusion that still exists. We'll need to continue to clarify the facts that this was one cam, one influencer, one post, and many others that still exist in this country. All right, so this is the CEO Michael Dukaris of Anheuser Busch, who is addressing on a phone call with investors this whole Bud Light thing. Welcome back to the program.

Dana lash with you top of the second hour this Thursday. Okay, so I feel like he doesn't understand how influ- how social media campaigns work. It's a campaign. You can say that it's not but it is because that's the whole point of social media outreach and marketing and social media campaigns. Because the whole purpose of social media marketing is that it takes everything that you would normally do with traditional media and it distills it down to one post to one thing.

That's you know, yes, can't say that's why he's the CEO and not the marketing guy. That's the whole purpose of the social media influencers. It doesn't matter if it's one thing, that's a campaign because it's about the way in which the influencer uses it, it doesn't matter if you just did one thing, they could still do things repeatedly lives on their you know, their social media homes. And they've been doing it. repeatedly lives on their, you know, their social media homes, and they become associated with it. And it's that earned media revenue. So yes, it is a campaign.

I mean, somebody explained to this dude how all of this works. So they they the story now is that Anheuser Busch, they've completely disavowed Bud Light sponsorship of this. And they've there, they sent this letter to retailers, they're there, they're flipping out, it's, it's kind of rough. They, the sales, everything is down. All the sales are down. Bud Light's down over 26%.

Now, crazy. Miller Light and Coors Light are up almost 14%. They still are just not acknowledging, they're trying to give out a beer. Right, they're giving away free beer. The CEO said Anheuser Busch is providing direct and financial support to the frontline workers impacted by the boycott. They're naming delivery drivers, sales representatives, wholesalers, bar owners and servers. Dukaris said that the brewing giant is going to triple media spending on advertising for Bud Light over the summer.

They're going to try to plan a major marketing push to recover its brand. Dudes call a sister up. Okay, first off, it shouldn't be this hard. You people are stupid. These people, the Bud Light people are stupid.

This is so dumb. You got a bunch of marketing vultures there like we'll help you. You don't need to be doing that. You just need to affirm some basic things. And then you're pretty much set. You know what Bud Light could do that would be just absolutely balls to the wall amazing.

You know what they could do? Here's my ad. You have everybody coming together for like, I don't know, pick something like a baseball game, a summer concert. And it shows people just like entering, you know, either the stadium or the fairgrounds wherever.

And they go up and they wait in line and they get a Bud Light. And they toast and it could be everybody from like 80s pin ups to like macho dudes to the Kitty Demure, the dude who's a drag queen and goes on Jesse Waters show and then is always and completely is like, yes, this is the sex show kids shouldn't be at it. Female athletes like Riley Gaines, you know, male athletes, you could you could even have Bruce or Caitlyn, he calls himself Caitlyn, change his name legally. So I'll call him that the Caitlyn Jenner in it and then everybody kind of, but it still respects the boundaries. It doesn't erase women and it doesn't make a mockery of women by having a guy who literally just was like, there's a girlhood. If I had a chick friend who acted like him, I would send her I would Baker act her. It's crazy.

No girl acts like that. It is offensive. It is a caricature it as people have been saying for months now. And I think Tyrese is the first person to coin this.

It's woman face. You respect the boundaries and you respect the uniqueness without erasing anybody. You do that ad, everybody toast, boom, you're done. I think that's a good idea, right? That's a good idea. You get a Tawny Kattane like person in there, like Baywatch suit. You get like, you know, the guys who used to workout the beach in California, get those dudes and they get everybody in there. And you're still you're acknowledging the differences and celebrating the unity. That's your ad.

You're welcome. I don't know why they got to do all this. No, guys, let's let's make a Rube Goldberg machine out of solving this problem. It's a simple solve. I it is killing my soul that they don't realize how easy this is to solve this. Oh my gosh, it is. It is like watching a big baby sitting on the floor, not a big gay baby, but an actual big baby sitting in the floor with a shape sorter.

And they've got the round piece and they're trying to get it into the square hole and it's not happening but they will not give up and they will not look at any other opening. I can't. It's just like that. It's like watching it. It would be so easy.

I don't know why they're not doing this. So they have this guy on the countries like Oh, it's just one they quit making excuses. You You messed up dude.

And at the end of that ad, by the way, if you do Chris go out there and he could just say yeah, we put up and then toast everybody. There you go right there. You know what people in America are forgiving. And people in America, one of the one of the aspects of American culture that you don't really see anywhere else is the comeback story. Everybody loves a comeback story. They love a comeback story. Even though I think a big part of our society pretends we hate redemption, we actually don't. We like to see it. We like to see a character reverse their arc.

We like to see that kind of stuff. You know, nobody's rooting for someone else's downfall. And I'm going to tell you something this isn't and I had a friend of mine make this point. This isn't just about conservative, whatever either.

I don't know what these companies don't realize. I think, you know, some of what this power is, it's not just like a conservative thing. I mean, this is, this is Americans reacting.

I mean, you had what was the video that you were sharing with me? Kane is Fenway Park. Yeah.

And yeah, yeah. And how, I mean, it's packed. And people are standing in line to get beer, except for they're not standing in line where at the Bud Light counter. And the people that the Bud Light counter, it's like, just you hear crickets.

That's all you hear. It's a Red Sox game. This is packed. And you see in the video towards the end as they walk out into towards the field and you see the entire stadium packed, yet the Bud Light line completely empty and the guy standing behind the counter is literally leaning with his arms crossed because he has nothing to do. I mean, this is not hard guys. It's beer. It's really hard to mess up selling beer. I mean, all you literally have to do is go here, it's beer.

And there's your ad. It's really hard to mess that up. Right? They did though, because they had this stupid marketing broad. And it's this is such an easy fix. Why are they making this into a big thing?

Oh my gosh, I can't complain about this enough. Now that's making me almost as mad as them having that that woman face cosplayer sitting here and talk about a drink that they never literally consume. Because you know, they don't I mean, come on, they don't drink no Bud Light. Come on, be real. It's not even it's not even a thing. Do you really believe there are so many just conservatives that drink beer that it caused this much problem with Bud Light? Yeah, that's my Yeah, that's the other point.

I mean, unreal. This is not a conservative thing. This is an American reaction to stupidity. That's what this is. It's not a right wing mob.

It's not any of that. These are people who are like, wow, this is really stupid. We're not doing this.

We're not doing this. And they just, I mean, you don't see sales that drop like this, because it's just conservatives. People get aggravated with it. I'll never forget the Chick-fil-A thing. There were people out there who were who were not even Republicans who were mad at the way that this was being presented. You know, Chick-fil-A never, you know, they never they never did anything. They never were mean.

But the way in which they were treated actually made independents and more classical liberals go, Oh, wow. Okay, we're gonna go to get a sandwich. This is ridiculous. That's what this is. And now all of the news you would probably miss.

It's time for Dana's quick five. Okay, so oh my gosh, the Barbie movie. They're being accused. This is the Margot Robbie Ryan Gosling thing. Apparently, they're being accused of featuring homeless people in the background as background actors and not paying them. Yeah. Homeless. It was at the Tonga State Park in Santa Monica. They said normally production units might pay like three to 1500 individuals or homeless people, but they said they did not do it.

They use them as they just use them in the movie as background actors. I don't know that sounds so bad. Also, I had to get this headline and there's a wolf off Colorado and Wyoming are fighting over wolves and it is the funniest thing.

So I don't know if you've like seen this is so funny. So apparently, Wyoming's governor told Colorado no wolves for you. They said that in the statement the governor Mark Gordon said quote, Wyoming is opposed to sending Wyoming wolves to Colorado because we carefully and scientifically manage our wolf population. So they're not having it. They threw a lot of shade at Colorado. They said no, you can't have any of our Wyoming wolves and then he basically said not verbatim that they sucked and that the wolves would want to come back to Wyoming because Colorado sucks.

I'm just saying that that's what the statement is. It's so funny to read those. I love bureaucratic fights.

They're so great. A Minnesota State Senator made a shirtless appearance to vote via zoom. Now in his defense, Senator Calvin Baer of East Bethel is a truck driver. And he was working till four in the morning.

And that's why but the the thing that made it the best was the background was the schoolhouse rock. I'm just a bill character. And he shows up shirtless with his blanket. And you could God love him. He was you know, he just was there. He worked actually worked till 5am.

And so he had like two hours of sleep. He's a truck driver. That's his job. He was doing his job right. He was taking care of his family, cut him a break.

He showed up as Hey, if you vote a Republican, I don't care. I don't care. All right. We got a lot more on the way. Including Switzerland wants to kids to eat more insects and less chocolate. Sounds horrible.

Stay with us. Okay, so there's a new protected class. I know.

No, they're not. It's called trans ableism. Oh, yes. It's I've seen only bits and pieces of this.

But now apparently, it's becoming a really big thing. So this dude in Norway, it wasn't enough for him to try to appropriate the female sex. No, no, no. He wanted to be very specific type of person who appropriates a female he wanted to be a particular kind of trans person. This man didn't just want to be a woman. He wanted to be a disabled woman.

Hands to sky. This is the actual story. He even has he's got he's on Twitter and everything. He wanted to literally he's 53 years old. He said that he always wished to be born as a woman paralyzed from the waist down. I am not making this up. I mean, he's not but that's what and so he spends most days in a wheelchair by choice, even though he's never actually had a disability. And he says he hasn't had the surgery because it's expensive.

Like, what do you what do you mean? He says he fantasizes about being in a car accident to realize his dream of being paraplegic. I am not making this up. I swear to you.

He says he also participates in extreme sports like skiing aggressively when not in his wheelchair. I am not there's a whole interview with him and everything. It's all in Norwegian. So I can't understand any of it.

But oh, man. So that's literally there were there was a woman Did you see this the woman who made herself blind she was a trans abled woman named jewel who literally went blind on purpose. She poured drain cleaner in her eyes and found a psychologist willing to help her with the process. I mean, she gave drain cleaner to her therapist who put droplets of the chemicals in her eyes.

He then waited by her side for 30 minutes to ensure she was blind and then rushed her to the hospital where they doctors fought to save her vision. Well isn't I mean, I did. I can't even believe this. This is the wildest stuff. They call it body integrity identity disorder or bid. We call it nuts. I Oh my gosh.

They actually they had a website undercover DC noted that they even had a website where they called people. I guess people who didn't like go all the way they call them wannabes pretenders and devotees. wannabes and pretend Oh my gosh. So I just can't. This is one of the wildest things I've ever seen. But this is apparently like a, an actual thing.

As we here in the United States are looking at chemical castration of kids and mutilation that they call gender affirming surgeries. I mean, we're creating Franken bits to go along with body dysmorphia. I did. I just can't. I have no words.

I just have no words. So he and he was on this guy. His name's your end.

He calls him so you're in Victoria all me. He was on Norwegian television. And that's what he said that he had always wanted to be a woman, a disabled woman, particularly. Now, how in the world is this not offensive appropriation?

I mean, it is I've never seen anything like this. So now in addition to just like having transgender now you have trans abled now and then don't forget the guy who was the guy who was in Canada who wanted to be a different age. What was he calling that? Like trans a trans a not trans age but and his he was like a he's like a 60 something year old dude dressing like a little girl. So he it wasn't enough for him to identify as a woman.

He wanted to be a little minor child girl. Um, yeah, this is it. Oh, man. This is not these people need help not to be made easier in this. They need help. Actual help.

I mean, I just, I just can't. How far does this go? For real?

Like for real? How far does this go? I don't.

I don't get it. Like at what point? Do you draw the line when I this this pathological empathy? I don't know how else to describe it. You see someone who wants to hurt themselves and your first thought is let me help you because it's mean if I don't help you hurt yourself.

That's like a masochist kind of remark. I just don't understand how I don't understand that. Man, we need Jesus and smod. Maybe at the same time, maybe smod comes first. I don't know then Jesus can come pick us all up out of the atmosphere. I don't know. I'm just saying. Thanks for tuning in to today's edition of Dana lashes absurd truth podcast if you haven't already made sure to hit that subscribe button on Apple podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.