Absurd Truth: LGBTQIA2+?!?

Dana Lashes of Sir Truth Podcast, sponsored by Kel-Tec. It's his life mission to make bad decisions. It's time for Florida Man.

All right, so first one. It's like Fight Club for the classroom. A Florida middle school teacher, a Florida woman hosted student fights in her classroom at Griffin Middle School. They, she was accused of organizing fights according to WCTV in Tallahassee. She was identified as the teacher at Griffin Middle School.

She's facing charges for contributing to the delinquency of a minor for what court documents say. I mean, it literally was like a Fight Club. The first rule about Fight Club is you don't talk about Fight Club.

So somebody talked. They said that several sixth grade girls told detectives that they had participated in planned fights during school hours. And they alleged they were invited back for additional fights. They also said that she made statements like and the teacher Angel Footman, 23 years old, she apparently made statements including 30 seconds, no screaming, no yelling, no phones. And a detective indicates in a probable cause affidavit that he reviewed videos and identified her sitting at her desk failing to intervene and making statements like no screaming, no nothing, stop pulling hair. I mean, she was pulling hair is not like a legitimate fight tactic. Come on. Part of me is entertained by the whole idea.

I think it's Fight Club for the class. And then the other part is like, have you seen like the bad behavior? Some of these kids though, you know, I'm like, hmm. Anyway, so she's in trouble. She said she didn't organize them.

But she said that she didn't want to she didn't want to intervene. So now she faces four counts of contributing to the delinquency of a minor. It's like middle school Fight Club.

There you go. A drunk Florida man swears at children in Disney and then threatens police officers. Just another Disney day. He was arrested at the resort in Orlando, the magical place. So apparently the drunken man he was visiting Disney Springs, the shopping and dining center. 30 year old Edward Stevenson. He pled not guilty to trespass according to Orange Circuit Court records.

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Secure your world with Caltech. Republicans are attacking trans and other LGBTQ kids and it shows exactly who they are. Bigots and bullies.

And I said that once and I'll say it again. Bigots and bullies. It sounds like a club. Right?

Yeah. Bigots and bullies. Like if I was doing it and what was that SNL skit where he like Stefan hit all the club names. Welcome to bigots and bullies. Where DJ baby bok choy has knees like biscuits and spins the hits like that. Bigots and bullies. Yeah, it's in an old Payless shoe store.

You have to get your tickets out of a broken cobble machine. Wait, did he say the AI thing after? What was that?

You added something onto that. Kids are attacking trans and other LGBTQ. LGBTQ. Okay. LGBTQ. Um, so there's LGBTQ, which stands for queer question. All I know is every LGB I know does not want to be with the other letters. That's actually true. Yeah.

But then you said there was more letters. Like are any of them barbecue? No. BBQ.

No? That would be helpful and probably garner more support. I would totally support BBQ.

Oh, for sure. Delicious. LGBTQ. Like I said, queer and questioning is what the Q stands for. Intersex is I. A is asexual. What is that? Intersex.

Is that a movie? It's opposite of outer sex. No, inner. Oh, I'm thinking of Innerspace. Intersex.

Or Inception. What is? Hang on. I got it. Oh, do I want to Google this? No.

I actually have to do this to my job. Okay. So wait a minute. This doesn't make sense either. It says that intersex is a general term used for a variety of situations. What? In which a person is born with reproductive or sexual anatomy that doesn't fit the boxes of male or female. Like hermaphrodites? I guess so.

Okay. And the other letter? And then of course it's the asexual. That's where the A comes from.

And then two-spirit. If you ever see the two S in that acronym. Shut up.

It stands for two-spirit. That you are possessed? Um, I don't think that's what they mean.

I don't think that's what they mean by that. Cast you out, devil. Wait, I'm sorry. I don't know.

You're of two spirits, which sounds like a binary spirit system. So like, wait a minute. Let me if I don't Google this really fast, the internet is going to go overboard and telling you gleefully.

I know how you people are. Okay, so apparently, so you can only Oh, what? I am so I'm more confused now after I looked. Is this helpful? No, it's not. Google.

It's not helpful. So to this, so this has to find two-spirit also two-spirit. What? Yes.

That's what it says. Two-spirit also two-spirit or two S or occasionally two-spirited is a modern pan-Indian umbrella term used by some indigenous North Americans to describe what native people in their communities who fulfill a traditional third-gender. What Sarah, what ceremonial and social role in their cultures that is like even more confusing shaman. So Oh, okay.

So you are a person who can have both a masculine and a feminine spirit. Oh my gosh. I just wrote 5000 skits in my head. What? Yes, I this is this is nuts pun intended. What? That sounds like possessed.

I can hear my grandma already from beyond the grave. That's of the devil. Devil. I think they're adding more and more to it every every year. There's like more. Yeah, because Lorraine just dropped in. Oh my. Oh my gosh. So she put this she moderates the chat and she's a contributor at chapter and verse.

Okay, so Cain, let's see. There's a lot of letters in there. Yeah, it's LGBT. Q Q. I A A P P O to us.

It sounds like a very bad passcode is that's gonna be my next password. It's legitimate to us. Oh, wait, fae folk. I don't even know what that is.

We're not this is now it's like a true blood show fae folk. I don't know. I'm just trying to get over the two-spirit thing. So the two-spirit is if you have a male and a female. In spirit binary. It sounds binary.

Yeah. Oh, you just stumbled upon. So how does the two-spirit thing? How does non binary and two-spirit square up with each other? That's weird. We are spirits in a material world. I just don't know right now how this can how does that work? This is why it gets the I don't know what.

Wait, let me they have a flag. So if you're two-spirited, then your body houses a masculine spirit and a feminine spirit. What I think we all have that ability. So it sounds like they're you're possessed. Well, I really want this.

But you know, Stan, who was my male spirit, wants this. I mean, people I mean, that I I don't know, I'm at actual loss of words here. So there's that. Mm hmm. Don't know they added K to it, too. I don't even want to know what that means. Is that night? Like they identify as a medieval person? I don't know.

It'd be nice if it was but it's not. It stands for kink. What Why does that have to look? You don't need a flag for everything in your life. Okay.

You don't need that. Like for instance, you know, going back to BBQ. I like the St. Louis style.

I like a dry rub. I don't like to put my meat in soup that I call barbecue. I'm so sorry, Carolinas. I love you to bits. But God love you. Now I can't Oh man, I'm gonna get I'm gonna get more hate mail over this than I will have gotten anything in my career.

Almost the first time I got more hate mail was when I said I didn't like Sammy Hagar. And I almost Why do you say stuff like that in public? I can say I'm not in St. Louis now. So I can say that but I thought literally I was gonna get beaten to death.

So I was afraid I was a feared from a life. So but I will say this. You don't need a flag for everything. So if I like a dry rub barbecue, does that mean I get a special flag for that?

Or is it only related to how you like to have the sex? I don't know. Like we you really have to I mean, we have all the things to have flags for that's what you go with. Right? Wait, I liked I like these types of genitals.

So I need this flag to represent that. Can you just go on with your life? And not, you know, I mean, it's literally like the worldwide privacy tour, but with sex. Right? I feel it's nobody cares. Nobody cares. It's like that scene from Jurassic Park. See, nobody cares. It's like that. Nobody cares. Stop.

And don't add any more letters on. I don't even know what this stuff means. I feel like I'm reading like a true blood scene. polyamory, omnisexual two spirit feller over here. I mean, what is that even? What? And doesn't two spirit negate everything else?

Because it's a binary thing. That sounds like possession. And now all of the news you would probably miss. It's time for Dana's quick five. The story cracks me up a missing Australia woman survived five days on wine and lollipops say authorities. They rescued her in the wilderness. She survived for five days this woman in the Australian wilderness, thanks to a bottle of wine and some lollipops.

The 48 year old who was only referred to as Lillian went on vacation to bright Australia last month. Her family that was alarmed soon after she didn't make her daily call to check in with her loved ones on April 30. According to Victoria police, police say their air wing spotted her car at the end of a dirt road. And they said there was about 60 kilometers from the nearest town a police van was directed to her location. And she was safely rescued. And they actually saw her there. And they can see her waving up and she's just like in the middle of this clearing.

She's you know, it's I mean, it's hysterical. But at the same time, she was trying to get to the Dartmouth dam when she realized she had taken a wrong turn. Then her car got bogged down in mud. She didn't have a cell signal, no way to call for help. She couldn't move her car. She could use the heater for warmth.

And so it was only supposed to be a day trip. So she just brought some snacks and lollipops and she didn't have any water. And she doesn't drink. But she had to turn to a bottle of wine she brought for her mom, which is kind of funny. They said that she stayed with her car she didn't wander off which was smart and that helped police find her quickly. So they rescued her and she was very grateful.

They said to see man alive. Goodness. The president says that power plants have to reduce pollution by 90% are shut down.

The EPA announces strict guidelines for their green agenda. Imagine that that's Yeah, I know. I mean, just go ahead and just give China a leg up on this. Well, yeah. And by the way, they've already done so much to reduce it anyway.

I mean, more so than any other nation. So let's see this 10 million gallons of partially traded wastewater. So some of it's still fresh, really, was released into Mount Hope Bay in Fall River, Massachusetts. 10 million gallons of partially treated wastewater. A circuit breaker failed at the regional wastewater treatment facility.

The water bypassed all the pumps. And they said it's, yeah, it's bad. They said it was really bad. Sunday night officials said that they did finally reset the breaker and it was working correctly. But between the spill and heavy rain, they said that they had to close the section to Mount Hope Bay for the next week or so.

Oh, do you have to like go in and scrub all the pumps and everything? I'm wondering, like, how does that work? Yeah, I mean, I don't know how that works. I just know. Also, there were 160,000 rounds of ammo that were stolen from Ohio Police recently, the Ohio Police Division, Columbus police said that it was stolen from a warehouse on the west side. And that when the division noticed the delivery was short, it contacted the shipping company.

Speaking of which, did you can share the story. So in New York, beginning and 2026, they're going to ban gas, natural gas stoves and furnaces in most new construction. Hmm. Yeah, it doesn't get cold up there at all, does it? New York, right? Yeah, yeah. It's the first statewide ban that's been that's passed in the United States.

They're going they're going to phase in the mandate beginning in 2026. Any new construction of building seven stories or less? Sorry, fewer than seven stories.

Can we write proper headlines people? Oh my gosh. So buildings of seven stories or less. If you can count it, it's fewer. If you can't count it, then it's less. You know, this is what separates us from like, dogs.

This is not only our speaking ability and opposable thumbs, but the idea that we understand the difference between fewer and less. I just hate when journalists don't do this properly. It really angers me next to improperly using the phrase beg the question. Nothing irritates me more.

I'm sorry, but it's like it totally just removes my suspension of disbelief and sharing the story with you in her bad grammar. Anyway, so the Associated Press says that the law negotiated between the New York governor and all her other Democrats in the legislature and the state budget, they are passing these other states, by the way, just to let you know, New York won't be the isn't gonna be alone for long. Other states are looking at doing this. They're going to phase in the elimination of fossil fuel heating devices. When newly constructed buildings, everything has to have electric powered induction ranges and heat pumps. The people mandating this have are not cooks or bakers. I will if they do this, I will literally make the government come to my house and arrest me and take out my stove.

And then because Texas is a castle doctrine state, I will literally, like make war over my gas range. Because electric stoves are garbage. They are garbage and they heat on evenly and they're horrible tools of Satan.

There you go. I hate them to death. I would rather cook over an open kitchen. If I were to make a campfire and bake in some rudimentary construction around that, then use an electric stove.

You might think that I'm being a little overdramatic. I like to cook and bake. I hate electric stoves. I had mine ripped out. I had an electric stove and I ripped it out. Yes, I did and destroyed it in the backyard, like office space, a third in my driveway that count as like this is this is trash. I ripped it straight the hell out of my kitchen.

Put a good old gas range in there. I don't need any I don't need anything to be like, press a button and it'll bake your cookies for you. Shut up.

Like who does that? This isn't the Jetsons. I don't want any fancy anything on it. I don't need any like digital displays. I don't need it to tweet for me.

I don't need it to do any of the stupid stuff. I just I ride the temperature. I watch it. I do all of that. I can't I mean, nothing gets me a this is one of the things I can talk for 5000 hours about.

Anyone who cooks I can hear you. If you real if you're real quiet, and you listen, you can hear a bunch of people out there going. Mm hmm. Mm hmm. That's right. You can hear it. Those are my cooks and bakers out there.

Yeah, that's what they're not gonna be the only state for long doing this. We got to roll. Thanks for tuning into today's edition of Dana lashes absurd truth podcast. If you haven't already made sure to hit that subscribe button on Apple podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.