Absurd Truth: Jack White's Temper Tantrum

Dana Lashes of Sir Truth Podcast, sponsored by Kel-Tec.

It's his life mission to make bad decisions. It's time for Florida Man. All right, ladies and gentlemen, so this story comes to us from the villages. That is the villages news, ladies and gentlemen.

Anytime you want to... Wait, you got to clap. Got to do the clap.

There you go. So a man fled his home and hid in a nearby bush after a woman armed with a machete threat. By the way, would you be shocked if I said this is not the only machete story I have? After a woman armed with a machete threatened to cut off his genitals, a Marion County Sheriff's Office deputy responded at about 2am, you know, because nothing good happens at that time to the couple's home in Summerfield, the man was carrying his infant daughter.

He was out of breath and soaked in sweat. He said he was sleeping at home when his 40, when 44-year-old Dawn Marie Hildebrandt went through his phone. She smashed the phone and began screaming at him before she grabbed a machete that they just apparently conveniently had nearby in their bedroom and threatened to cut off his man bits, said the report.

The deputy found the machete in the living room of the home. Hildebrandt fled prior to the arrival of the deputy, but a second deputy spotted her. She was on her way to the sheriff's office substation to report the incident. She said she was not in possession of a machete.

But it was weird that she was, you know, on her way to the substation, but she was like walking in the shrubbery and the bushes and everything else. Her mugshots wild. So she was arrested, charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon, booked at Marion County Jail in a $25,000 bond. So don't be doing that. Don't do it.

Now. This is our machete story, literally days apart. North Fort Myers, Florida. What is with this?

It's the weapon of choice. A woman chases a man with a machete at a Florida gas station. This was on Sunday. WBBH reported that Michelle Montezuniga, 48, was yelling at a man at the racetrack. Okay, in North Fort Myers, that he wasn't allowed to be there. Now the man had previous run ins with a woman. And so he got on his bicycle and left the area. According to the report. Now, would you be shocked if I told you that Montezuniga then got in her car and followed him to the sidewalk with her car, him on his bicycle, got out of her car with a machete and swung in at him. I am disappointed in whoever did not get video of this.

She was charged with aggravated assault, according to media outlets. So he tries to run away from her on his bicycle. And that, yeah, doesn't really. Okay, let's see this. Oh, man.

I got to hold up. I got a couple of other candidates. No, no, I was gonna read that one. And I just realized how inappropriate that one was.

No, second. Oh, here's a Florida related story. The Biden administration is going to consider a $20,000 fine in prison for boaters who exceed 11 and a half miles per hour in the Florida Gulf.

Wait, what? They say the speed limits the exceeds the authority of the federal agency. That is what several legal and industry groups they say that actually you can't do that. This is like in the entire Gulf. They want to have a 10 knots speed limit for boats in the Florida waters of Gulf of Mexico. And they want to make it a felony if you exceed it.

A charge punishable by $20,000 fine up to one year in prison. What? They said, Well, it's gonna protect the endangered rice's whale. The rice's whale. That's what it will.

It'll protect. I mean, do you really speed past a whale? I think most people would stop and be like whale.

But at also at the same time, that's like a pretty to go out that deep. You have to be in a lot bigger boat, right? No, I don't know. I just think that that's a little ridiculous, right?

I mean, I only know a minute. I mean, I, I have done some boating in my life. And I've, I have commandeered some boats in some foreign and domestic waters. But I'm just saying that sounds like it's a little bit of a three Florida men were charged with trafficking meth after cops found them asleep in a storage unit. James Richard Greer 56 his son Hunter James Greer 29 and Matthew Steven Bostrom 33. All the key West were charged with trafficking meth possession of meth with intent to sell said meth according to deputies. They also apparently one of them also provided a false name originally to law enforcement. It was storage rentals of America.

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Keltech weapons dot com. So I wrote about this last night. And I read the Instagram post.

So you know, we mentioned it up briefly yesterday. So you know UFC 287. You had Mel Gibson, Joe Rogan and Guy Ferreri. Fieri. Guy Fieri saying hello to Donald Trump at UFC 287. And then Jack White, can I read you his full post? It is so sick.

Naughty. This is what he posted on Instagram. Jack White of the White Stripes. He wrote quote, anybody who normalizes our traits, this disgusting fascist racist con man, disgusting piece of Trump with any level of respect is also disgusting in my book. That's you Joe Rogan, you Mel Gibson, you Mark Wahlberg, you Guy Ferreri. This is a statement from me, not a discussion or debate.

Jack White the third. So he took to his own little personal burn book, his own little Instagram account. And he bravely wrote this. He's so brave.

Mucho brave. I love his self important. This is a statement from me.

My opinion is too precious to subject it to the test of a debate. Me, me. I love that.

Oh, my gosh, there's this. Not enough of you, by the way, I've been watching Lettered Kenny or Shorzy because there's this one phrase that I really want to repeat right now that I would totally get fined for. So if he wants to identify as this, like ideological bigot, who reduces people to their political affiliations, I mean, that's his choice, but he can't make the choice for other people as to whether or not we want to debate it. I mean, how insane is it that we live in a world where you like other people think they can call you on the carpet because you said hi to somebody? Like, in this case, it's the former president of the United States, and make polite conversation because you're a human who was taught manners and you weren't raised in a damn barn, right? To make polite conversation at a public event. So I think so far, everybody's ignored him. Jack White, me, me, my opinions, precious, me, me, icky thumb, me, me. But really, what they should say is, yeah, and it's the former president of the United States.

And I, being not a douchebag, said hello. Take a mite all. Someone, he does need to take a mite all, for real.

He really should. Just, just the audacity. These people are like, I saw you being, acting like you weren't raised in a barn. You said hello to this person. Oh my gosh, you said hello to him?

I'm gonna go to Instagram. I, Jack White, am so precious. I thought rock stars were like anti establishment and badasses. He is a giant female copulatory organ.

When did that? Stop ruining rock and roll by being a giant female copulatory organ, Jack White. Stop it. Pop a mite all. Maybe go get you some Chardonnay.

Sounds like you're one of those bitches that need it. And now all of the news you would probably miss. It's time for Dana's quick five. So now it's being reported by Sky News that President Biden is not attending tonight's dinner with NATO leaders asked why he's skipping it.

A US official said that the president has had four full days of official business and is preparing for a big speech tomorrow, in addition to another day of the summit. Okay, he literally though, was at the beach, literally. And I, I had, I saw these photos while we were all, you know, over the weekend, and I'm like, wait a minute. So I went looking up your post, he was having fun in the sun with First Lady Jill near their Delaware home.

And he was at the beach, legit in the sand, reading a book at the beach. And Kane insists that it's a body double and that it doesn't have the same markings on the arm as Joe Biden does. Oh, my gosh. So I just think I just think it's weird.

And that's not for four full days there already. It doesn't make any sense. Yeah. So I've got, I don't know, I got some questions. I got some questions.

So that's the first thing. Also, Sarah Silverman, this is an interest. I don't, I'm not a fan of hers. But I do think that this case is interesting. She's suing open AI and meta for copyright infringement. So the lawsuits are alleging that the companies trained their AI models on books without permission. One of the things to understand about a lot of the AI stuff, whether it is generated text, or whether it's generated images, is that these the AI, the software, the algorithms, everything actually uses what is existing.

As a way to make up its artificial consciousness, if that makes sense. And so it's being argued that were it not for these existing works, then the open, then the open AI wouldn't be able to actually come up with its own, its consciousness, and it would be different, its artificial consciousness would be different. And so they're saying that that is an infringement on existing work, which actually kind of makes sense. When you think about it, consider the one you remember the little girl that Occupy and the BLM and Antifa and all that stuff, that statute, that they were going to put across the street from the bull up in the financial sector of Manhattan. And she was like making a face at the at the bull. And the artist who designed the bull had actually filed suit and said copyright infringement, because without his work, her work changes, and they found it in his favor. So I just find that, you know, there's some of this stuff that actually does make sense.

This is going to be a very interesting work for lawyers, though. Let's see a mom's unique baby name, Quiddifer. Quiddifer.

Sparks are online debate. Quiddifer. It's awful. She asked on Reddit, I'm thinking of calling my daughter Quiddifer after my grandparents, Quinn, Florence and Christopher. I've gotten it. Yeah, because it's a stupid name.

It's equivalent of child abuse. Quiddifer. You're stupid of her. Stop it.

So dumb of her. Gosh, just it's like putting gait after everything. Baby gait, all this and USPS. Apparently, they have 452 packages of unidentified created remains.

Let Brown do the work for you. I was watching this. I was telling Kane about this. To the top story of Daily Mail, I have a love hate relationship with that horrible fecal storm of a entity. It's like the one of the biggest papers in the world. And it's the only publication where you can look like you're reading about current events. And then they have all the garbage on the side, you know, all the celebrity gossip on the side.

So you get to look like you're really look, I'm no, I'm reading this thing about what's happening here with trade in South Pacific. Oh, it's crazy. And really, we're looking at the garbage like who slept Britney. But the top story on Daily Mail woke up, looked at the top story on Daily Mail, and it has to do with some lady at a very expensive condominium thing. I just I'm gonna make some people mad. I can't trust you if you pay a million dollars for a condo.

I can't I'm sorry. If you're not, if you don't need to live in Manhattan, and work in Manhattan, and you're paying a million dollars, I just can't I don't I don't get it like why don't have your house be touching other people for a million dollars. Anyway, they said he's like really bougie condos, right? And it's just, you know, complex and it has its own pool. So this lady was there. I didn't want to play that because it's so but it's just to further my example of how people are obsessed with this stuff.

Top story Daily Mail. And this video of this woman losing her mind because a family was having a birthday party at the pool has gone viral. But was that all it was, Dana? Well, I mean, in a normal person's world, it would be. But because we have to share this planet with progressives, all of this other stuff has to get thrown in. Well, she's white, and the family that she's mad at is Hispanic. So apparently, it's all racist. Well, she said Mexican party at one point. Well, I mean, I've got a lot of Hispanic friends, and I have Italian friends, and I've got Irish friends, and I am part Irish.

I got a lot of different some parts. So I'm sorry, some people have better parties than others. Sorry. Can I just say it? It's true. It's completely true. Some of y'all have boring parties.

And some some people's cultures just you have better parties. Sorry, you just do. So but the progress progressives are like, Oh, there's got to be an element of that in there. Now I watched the video because I hate myself. So I watched the video to I'm like, Oh, my gosh, I can't you know, is it going to come up and be a story? All she said was there were they were having like a Mexican party or something like that. And then she was fighting with the family. The family was fighting with her.

I suspect everyone except the kids involved were drunk. And it's like a viral video. And now everybody's talking about it. And then it prompted her they found out that she's us. I don't actually know what her job is. It sounds something bougie and dumb from being honest. It's a she was an art consultant. Oh, a spatial something and feng shui expert. I don't know. Apparently, it's all about like if you however you have your furniture in your house makes you happy.

I don't know. Anyway. So then then this is why I think they were all drunk. The family and her started arguing over Hermes. Like the fashion label. I don't even know how that's like part of the video. And I can't we can't even play it because there's an f bomb literally every other millisecond. And she they were arguing over you don't even know it.

Brandon sandals these words. So that's why I don't think the family's entirely innocent either. Because they were helping to drive it. But because we live in a garbage society up well immediately she's the well, she's a white Karen.

So she's immediately there you go convicted and penalized. The family was arguing with it sounds like everybody was just they were a bunch of drunk blockheads. That's what it sounds like. And everybody's been sharing this and they're all Oh, you got to give your hot take because are you really participating in the conversation if you are not giving a hot take?

Do you exist? If you don't have a hot take to offer? The question of the times is it not? This is the top story. There's cocaine in the White House, but that's the top story. Thanks for tuning in to today's edition of Dana lashes absurd truth podcast. If you haven't already made sure to hit that subscribe button on Apple podcast, Spotify, wherever you get your podcast. Transcribed by https://otter.ai