Absurd Truth: Publicly Funded Luggage Twink

Dana Lashes of Sir Truth Podcast sponsored by Kel-Tec.

It's his life mission to make bad decisions. It's time for Florida Man. So Kane and I each found some pretty stunning Florida dude stories where they were hiding dope. Yeah, I know.

So let's start it, right? Yeah, I didn't tell you how. The first one, Steven Mattingly. He was arrested on drug charges. And I mean, I don't know how to say he was they were going to take him to jail for drugs. They pulled him over.

And he basically pulled a like a slap chop. But wait, there's more. They the officer when he looked in the the black Toyota pickup truck, the guy wouldn't wear a seatbelt. And they saw like stuff that was extending out beyond the bed that he didn't have a thing on you know, the red flag on. And he said that was asking him for all this stuff. And he noted that he had previous encounters and he has to be consumed narcotics and Mattingly said yes, I do, you know. And then when he was searching the grid, the vehicle was Mattingly agreed he got out clear glass pipe with burnt residue fell out tested positive for fentanyl.

And then he's like, but wait, there's more. And then he showed him brown powdery sub powdery substance in the pocket mirror above the driver's seat fentanyl meth tested positive cup holders fentanyl meth. Oh, and then he pulled a bag of meth out of his butt. That is not a joke.

He actually did it. It was a tied off plastic bag and it contained an off white and yellowy powdery substance that tested positive for fentanyl. Why are you going to keep something that could kill you in a baggie in your butt? Why?

Kane if he absorbed that he'd be dead. What in the world? He's not the brightest or the bulb in the in the lamp. He's Lake County Jail is where they took him. All right, now here's another feller who here's the headline Florida hides bullet and testicles when being taken to jail. Pinellas County.

Michael Keanu Brennan don't you'd be doing Keanu's name like that. 24 years old, they found I love how they go they found a live bullet they found around in his jimmies. I don't know.

It's Yeah. So he was apprehended by police because he was using stolen information on a credit card to pay for a luxurious 17 I vacation rental near the Gulf of Mexico. When they searched his rented home, they found all kinds of forged ID stuff. checks, social security cards, debit cards, he'd stolen from a lot of people stolen a lot of identities. He admitted to having done it. And then when they asked him if he had any contraband when they were taking him to jail, they he said no, but then they found a 22 nestled under his jimmies nestled. That's their words. I kid you not. A second deputy collected the ammunition saying that it was a live feed had been fired.

So that that resulted in an additional felony charge because he had introduced contraband in a detention facility. First off, how? I don't want to know. No, I don't want to know.

Nevermind. I don't want to know the how that worked. You just held it there. Wouldn't that have been uncomfortable? Like I don't even like tags in the back of my shirt. Can you imagine having a 22 under your jimmies?

Probably as uncomfortable as having meth in your butt. Yeah. Fentanyl fentanyl.

Golly, can you like what is it one little thing of that can kill a milk like trillion people? Oh, my gosh. I can't even I can't with these. I can't with these guys. I cannot with these guys. So there's two separate dudes who. Yeah, I'm not going to tell you about the guy, the teacher who drowned raccoons in front of students.

Yeah, I can't because that happened because I want to drown that teacher in front of raccoons. The KSG is the one that started it all made ordinary shotguns obsolete and still reign supreme. But the big reason I keep raving about it is I'm also the proud owner of one at least. And trust me, I really put the KSG to the test before adding it to my collection. It's perfect for home defense or tactical situations. And this 12 gauge is a reliable go to that's easy to handle for everyone. The KSG shotgun is the first 12 gauge pump action shotgun chambered for three inch shells and with dual tube magazines offers a capacity of 12 plus one. It's downward shell ejection makes the KSG truly ambidextrous and eject shells away from your face. It's compact, lightweight and easy to maneuver and control.

Learn more about the KSG shotgun at Caltech weapons.com and follow Caltech on social media. Visit this contributor who referred to Dylan Mulvaney as a he. Okay, this is the response after they got lit up by the rage mob. Listen. Before we wrap up today, we do want to make an important note yesterday in a segment about transgender influencer Dylan Mulvaney, who was featured in Bud Light's recent campaign. She was mistakenly referred to by the wrong pronoun, and CNN aims to honor individuals ways of identifying themselves and we apologize for that error. What error? Like what error? You called him a dude. He's a dude.

And that's not an error. That's science. Can you imagine I would have quit my job and walked off set before they I had to do that. There's no way.

No way. That's what CNN does, though. They do this kind of stuff. When I was a contributor there back when I was like, this was around the 2012 election, I was the token conservative. And anytime I even breathed anything even remotely innocuous, like media matters and the leftist rage mob always in the mom's demand, people were always trying to get me fired.

And they would always have the VP of Standard and Practices. You know, Dana, you should you should acknowledge this and apologize. And I like I can't tell you how many times I was like, like not suspended, but put on a break for a week or a week here two weeks there because I refuse to absolutely refuse to apologize for any truthful utterance. I mean, we weren't there being inflammatory. We weren't there. I wasn't there saying anything that wasn't true.

I was simply saying that, you know, well, nationalized health care doesn't work, you know, something like that. Or why is the Department of Defense getting involved in green energy or something like that? And it's apparently everything is so offensive. Second Amendment rights matter. Everything is always so offensive. So they ran this on air apology for misgendering. What a joke. That's like, that's, I mean, that's like the whole practice of wrong speech.

That's what people got in trouble for during the French Revolution, you know, since our government has this fetish with trying to think that we're like the French Revolution somehow. You guys remember Sam Brinton? The luggage twink? So he apparently, and I didn't know this at the time, you know, he's the guy who was the former Deputy Assistant Secretary of the Spent Fuel and Waste Disposition in the Office of Nuclear Energy. Someone said he's a Matt Damon doppelganger. And I mean, I don't like Matt Damon, but that's really, that's low.

Come on. So it turns out that when he was stealing people's luggage from the airports, he was doing so on secret taxpayer funded trips. I know, like we paid to transport him. He traveled on taxpayer dime. He was stealing women's luggage, literally stealing women's luggage, the luggage twink, Sam Brinton, on taxpayer dime. I did not know that. That one was in the July 6, 2022. That's a year ago, like, you know, a little over a year ago. He was at the Hilton Grand Vacations Club on the strip. That four day trip was like 2000, according to Department of Energy expense report. They've never responded to anything.

Any questions about it, by the way? And that was at Nevada National Security Site for an unspecified meeting and site visit. And then, apparently, there's a couple of, I mean, he, how many other trips did we pay for when he was stealing luggage? I mean, he needed a new dress for a secret meeting. So he, we were paying for this the entire time. And he's like, no jail time?

Yes. A Democrat privilege. On our tax dollars.

And now, all of the news you would probably miss. It's time for Dana's quick five. So, first up here, the first Cybertruck. Tesla built its first Cybertruck. Didn't it come out of Giga, Texas? Isn't that where it's built out of? So it's the child's drawing truck. The first Cybertruck has rolled off the assembly line four years after it was unveiled to the public.

It came out of the Giga, Texas manufacturing facility in Austin. All the Tesla staff had their hardhats in their vests and all that. They're all around the trucks.

You can only see the top of it. It's kind of a funny, funny picture. But so they got it. They got it.

It's right there. It's designed for truck drivers. You have to go long distances. It has an estimated battery range of up to 500 miles, acceleration from zero to 60, as little as 2.9, capabilities on water as well as land.

It's the vehicle that quote, changes the look of roads, better utility than a truck with more performance than a sports car, end quote. If it's big and loud, I'm going to be interested in it. I'm not gonna lie. Like, because I love big, loud things. I know it's, you're like, Dana, it's electric, but can it go loud?

That's all I want to know. Like, can it be made to do that? I want big, loud things that scare people when I drive it.

Because woman driver and giant car together, that's a terrifying thing. That's what I want people to feel when they're on the road next to me. Also, the NBC Washington says that the uploaded criteria for new FBI headquarters is announced boosting Maryland locations. Isn't that nice?

They said that there are apparently totally ignoring taxpayer costs with all of this stuff. Good. Come on, that's lovely.

Just lovely. Oregon's Measure 114 bans what they call quote, unquote, large capacity magazines, and they're trying to get a gun registry established. A federal judge apparently tried to find it constitutional. I have to question the intelligence of this judge.

Oh, and you have to pay $65 to for your privilege of owning what you actually can own by natural rights affirmed by the Constitution. Isn't that something? Climate nut jobs blast paint on the Walmart, a Walmart heiresses $300 million yacht in Ibiza.

The Futuro vegetable group. Last week, a lot of people were slamming Luke Holmes, not just for covering Tracy Chapman's number one hit fast car. But because apparently fast car, like Tracy Chapman apparently didn't make it on the country charts or something like that. It was a pop song when I was a kid. That song was hot.

That song was everywhere. Did she want a Grammy for that? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Luke Holmes covered Tracy Chapman's number one hit fast car made it a country hit it reached number two on billboards hot 100. He says he's loved it since he was a child. He wanted to tell wanted to record it and have it as a tribute to her. It's about her escaping her small town finding a better life. I always I think it's a great song, but it's one of the most depressing songs I've ever heard. So I will never listen to it. I there's certain I have a handful of songs that are great. I just won't listen to them because they're depressing. Makes me so depressed. Right?

You're like, Oh, my gosh, I just want to go jump off a roof. So she said she was honored. She was grateful for the fans who found the song. She was so happy for his success. But that has not stopped.

All of these. I like who are these people that are so mad about Luke Holmes recording her song like there was this reporter and bringing this up. Because this song was in 88.

So I was in fifth grade when the song came out. And like this, like listen to this reporter, quote, as Luke comes his hit cover of Tracy Chapman's fast car, Domino's the country charts. It's bringing up some complicated emotions and fans and singers who know that Chapman is a queer black woman would have an almost zero chance at that achievement herself. Who is Emily Yar and why is she so stupid?

Chapman got more notoriety off of that song than Combs did number one. She's making fat cash on the licensing and residuals of this. She's just gonna sit back and enjoy them royalties. And this chick is this reporter who clearly thinks that his tree began the day she was born.

She thinks that somehow this is a slight to Chapman. She's like fewer than 5% of the songs on country radio were by women of color and alphabet. Oh, shut up. Now let's do a percentage of like on urban radio of country music artists, you stupid moron. There is a reason why all of the different genres are separated in terms of consumption and measure on billboard, etc.

Because they're different styles. Stop it. Not everything has to be politicized.

Do you live such a flat and uninteresting and unfulfilling life that you got to do this with everything? Tracy Chapman was happy that it was covered. She thought it was great.

And she's making a lot of money. It's like when Dolly Parton, I will always love you. Elvis wanted to record it. Dolly said no, Whitney Houston recorded it. Dolly, you know, was like, Oh, that's, you know, she did such a great song. Man, she earned royalties off that.

So this was this was good that he did it. What? Stop it. Why do people always love you? Stop it.

Why do people do this? This is clickbait division for the sake of being divisive. That song. This chick clearly doesn't know anything about that song because that song was literally every where it was one of the top charting songs of like all time. I can't even remember she's this chick does not need to be writing about music. I cannot stand it when people who don't like music write about music and this Emily Yar is apparently one of them.

You know, if it would have been a country song, and if she would have had, you know, she would have had Nashville producers and if she would have gone in the country circuit, that song would have been a hit song regardless. I mean, shut up. It's quits in here acting like black musicians don't have you ever met Charlie pride or heard of Charlie?

But I mean, shut up. You have this white chick who actually herself is a racist, because she has no clue about black participation in country music, or in folk music or in anything else. She just thinks, Well, I'm stupid about music, and I don't know why.

I don't know the history of music. So because I don't see people of color doing this XYZ, then it must mean that it doesn't exist. I cannot stand stupid people who push division off of their ignorance. She ought to be ashamed. If I was the editor of this publication, I would publicly excoriate her turn feather her and fire her because that it's embarrassing to be that dumb. These people have no self awareness. That's embarrassing to write a story about that and be so stupid about the history of that song. What an I mean, don't show your face for a while girl. Damn like find some shape. Thanks for tuning into today's edition of Dana lashes absurd truth podcast. If you haven't already made sure to hit that subscribe button on Apple podcasts, Spotify, wherever you get your podcasts.