Absurd Truth: Dark Brandon Returns

Dana Lashes of Sir Truth Podcast sponsored by Kel-Tec. It's his life mission to make bad decisions. It's time for Florida Man. Well, well, well.

All right. So according to Tampa Bay Fox 13, a Florida Man was busted for burglarizing a Brooksville Bakery and blowing all the stolen money on liquor and food. But you're at a bakery like why didn't you just eat? You know, I mean, how do you know? But here's what the funny thing is.

You know how they caught him? Crocs. Not the animal. The shoe. According to Hernando County Sheriff's Office, the suspect clad in a black sweatshirt, black pants and bright red crocs broke into the crumble cookie. Which sidebar?

It's delicious, but the lack of an E bothers me. They said he got in through a side door, stole cash from the safe and register. He was carrying a brown and black backpack. They tracked him down because those damn crocs because he wore the red crocs. They tracked him down from it. Anyway, long story short, when they arrested him, they found he still had like codes to get in the place, all this stuff.

He'd spent most of his money on food and alcohol for himself and the rest was stored in his friend's vehicle. Can you imagine? Like don't wear bright. I mean, first off, don't commit crimes like this. But, you know, also, maybe don't wear a bright red, bright red crocs. Crocs? That's your shoe of choice? You're gonna go commit crimes and you're wearing bright red crocs?

I'm just without words. Kind of interesting. So a Florida man in a Google Street View car led police on a 100 mile per hour chase. The Google Maps Street View car. So it could soon feature breakneck snapshots of an in progress police pursuit after a Florida man who claimed to work for the mapping tech giant led Middletown police officers on a high speed chase. All while a 360 degree camera was mounted to the roof of his car.

So all of that's probably gonna look real sloppy on that part of the map. They said his name's Coleman Ferguson. He's got two last names, which is annoying. And he's currently being held in Henry County Jail. He faces one count of resisting law enforcement with a vehicle level six felony. So they, they clocked the Google Maps Street View car going in excess of 100 miles per hour, where it's like apparently 55 and 40 mile per hour limit, and especially when school zones are flashing school zone lights. And they said that it was passing several vehicles, high rate of speed, it had a big had the big o tall thing on the car, the 360 degree cameras on the on the roof of the car. And I can't believe that thing didn't fall off.

I guess it was, you know, that's a testament to how well it was affixed to the roof of the car. So they said that he drove through yard before he crashed into a creek and got stuck. And then Ferguson told police that he worked for Google narrator, that was a lie, and was scared to stop the Google Street. Man, is that going to be they should have like alternate no view of this area. And it should just be that I want the 360 view of that 100 mile per hour chase. Oh, everybody's gonna be smeared.

You're not gonna be able to see any of like the buildings or anything there. Golly, a Florida man and woman were charged after deputies found 30 pounds of meth and a kilo of cocaine, all kinds of stuff. Yeah, lots of stuff. It was in their vehicle again, following a chase Indian River Sheriff's Office, they were apprehending a fleeing vehicle driving recklessly over 100 miles per hour. And they said that they stopped on the road, the two occupants thought it was gonna be smart to run into a wooded area that was not smart. So then they the canine tracked and bit them.

Good boy. And then they found all of 30 pounds of meth, all the cocaine, everything else. So they are charged with a, like a lot of stuff, including, let's just hit the majors, reckless driving, fleeing, eluding, possession, trafficking controlled substances. Their bonds are crazy.

$226,000 Oh, my gosh. So yeah, they are in jail. They're in the pokey because they you know, they were gonna as the sheriff's office was saying they're gonna release toxins and their community. So all this stuff to their community. That's crazy. Caltech invented the concealed carry category years ago with the P 11. But did they stop there?

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So this is one of the things I was thinking of when I saw this dark branded thing. New York Post. This is stupid. professors claim that here we go.

Here we go again back at this. Jason Aldean's try that in a small town contains coded racial language and pictures. Really? Yes, can it does. The Hollywood Reporter condemned country music star Jason Aldean's try that in a small town, and they quoted academics accusing it of spreading division and racism.

You're not allowed to show predominantly black communities being burned to the ground by black and white progressives, because it's very difficult to cultivate the narrative that conservatives are the violent racist ones when you show that footage thus it is divisive and racist. Yeah, if they were, they said that it's a music theory professor named. Do you want his name? Or do you want my name for him? I want both but yours first. Okay. So the Hollywood Reporter quoted Hunter College music theory professor douche McDouche face, Philip Ewell, arguing that the song is part of a phenomenon of subtle yet unmistakable. anti blackness amid America's cultural divide, said you will.

Right now in 2023. I mean, we're having these massive disagreements about race. And you know, you're just not allowed to show a video of mostly white progressives with some black progressives burning down predominantly black neighborhoods. Because you know, that's racist to show that.

See, can't show it. It's not racist to do it. It's racist to show it.

You didn't know that like the one dude who was like literally on photo and video burning down a bank, like you could see him show us why do white progressive. Oh, no, it's racist to show it though. It's racist to call out violence.

Gosh. It's if you call out violence. I learned this when I actually condemned it in a video. And people were like, calling for violence. I was like showing actual footage of people rioting and say this is bad.

No, no. And everyone's like, that's so violent. Can you believe that? She has this violent thought? Oh, no, I'm like showing progressive violence condemning it. But see, that's pro violence.

If you do that. Did you know that? It's violent to call out violence. It's not violent to engage in it.

Yep, it's 1984. They're trying everything with this video. Guess what?

He's uncancellable. You guys tried and failed. I mean, this is so goofy. The way that and they had they did a whole story on this.

New York Post had a whole story on this song with Jason Aldean. Now, that's just this one aspect. This is this always pushing this line always pushing this division.

Now, in addition to this, I got a couple of other things here. They want to make sure I'm pulling up because I have a bunch of energy stuff. And we have all of the we're still we're keeping our eye on the arraignment and all that I mean, I'm just it's supposed to actually isn't it supposed to be at three. It's like right after we get off air, I believe. Yeah, it's like right after we get off air. That's that's when it's apparently he's supposed to show up and you know all of this stuff. Did you see this Washington Post piece?

I have this saved in my bookmark system. Do you guys see this Washington Post piece? They tweeted this out. It's the actual tweet that they have.

And they said that just me cautious. Do you remember how I was talking about all of the the fight that that conservatives and Muslim parents are having? Against the left and like Michigan and elsewhere over schools. And how I've said that the left is having a problem with how to deal with us. Because there's this, this united front, particularly in Michigan, which is a state that Democrats are really doing a lot of work in with Muslim and and Christian parents that have found an allegiance to push back against all of this wokery with the schools.

And so they haven't had any way of dealing with that. Now, this is how they're doing it. So here's Washington Post. It says LGBTQ communities in the Middle East face a growing crackdown mirroring efforts by American conservatives to restrict the gay the rights of gay and transgender people. So the article gets into they're trying to say that they're that American conservatives are meddling in Middle Eastern they're meddling that what they're doing is as bad as like what some of the hard faction of Middle Easterners are doing.

And they're they're mentioning the schools, they're mentioned, they're trying to find some kind of way. What gets me is that are do they think that the reason why like in Iran, if you're gay in Iran, you're that look, they'll kill you. They'll they'll kill you in Iran. If you're gay. That's like a death sentence, right? And in a number of these countries, it's a death sentence. Is that because of American conservatives?

Yeah, but it's it's your fault, Cain, because you're a conservative. But it is, though. That's what the Washington Post says.

And as you know, the Washington Post is never wrong. Wow. That's what they're saying. That the backlash grows. I mean, they're so American conservatives are the same as what rights are restricted of gay and transgender people here in the United States. No one's restricting your right. Just because you can't shake your ass in front of somebody else's kid does not mean that your rights are apparently being restricted. No one's restricting your rights. Just don't be don't act like a pedo.

But don't target other people's kids. This is so weird that we're even having this conversation. They they get into this. This is just crazy. They start they talk about the political They get into this.

This is just crazy. They start they talk about the pride parade in Istanbul. Oh, it was canceled. The pride parade was canceled in Istanbul, Turkey.

And that's just like what's happening in America. What? No, no one canceled the pride parade. The pride parade was canceled because they couldn't like simulate there was a pride parade that was canceled because one of the floats had some like sexual simulation act on the float. And it was an all ages thing. So they were like, well, because you're doing essentially a sex act, or theatrical sex acts on a float. And it's an all ages thing. You can't do that. Just like we can't have a stripper pole on the float and have strippers sailing around the stripper pole. You can't you know what I'm saying? Like you can't do that because it's an all ages thing. And they're like, you canceled me. You're just like Turkey. You're just like you're wrong. It's the same thing. You you canceled yourself because you insisted on having that as part of your thing.

Instead of just being a normal parade and doing parade stuff, right? Golly, this is what we're dealing with. And now all of the news you would probably miss. It's time for Dana's quick five. So according to a local news agency out in Utah, a daughter was arrested after she a domestic dispute in a Utah home. She bit off her dad's ear. Pleasant Grove, Utah, 42 year old was booked on multiple charges here. When I first read this story, when I first saw the headline, I was like, Oh, is this like a little kid or something?

No, no, it's a 42 year old woman. According to the probable cause statement, she entered the home and allegedly attacked her dad, resulting in injuries. And then she bit off her dad's ear. According to the probable cause statement, she entered the home and allegedly attacked her dad, resulting in injuries. And then she bit his ear. That's she does.

She sounds totally sane. She was completely arrested, obviously, an unemployed man dressed up as a cop who worked alongside real traffic policeman for two months. I don't know how this happens. But that's what happened. An unemployed man. This was in Russia. Oh, that's why he lives out his dream of being a traffic policeman for two months. He went on with a fake uniform going on patrols with actual traffic inspectors for two months.

48 year old man named Victor. And then he finally was caught because his cover got blown when they were checking footage from body cams of traffic inspectors out on patrol. And they said that, well, wait, there's four inspectors, but we have five on duty. And then they realized the fifth traffic inspector doesn't have a camera. That's okay.

That's weird. So that's how he was. He ultimately ended up being discovered because he is this funny.

Also, let's see. This plus sized British Airways passenger was stuck in his seat for three hours after landing. And they had to take him out of first class with a hoist. He was stuck for three hours, it was in 1A. And that's they said that emergency services had to remove a door, they had to hoist him out of his seat, according to The Sun, and he was wedged in his seat for about three hours after a six and a half hour flight. And he landed at London's Heathrow at five in the morning. He was seated in 1A. The cabin crew got involved, they tried to calm him down after he was realized he wasn't able to get out of his seat. They couldn't help him.

Emergency services were called, they had to get engineering to outline a plan. It was like this whole thing. Oh my gosh.

Like that's because those are kind of big seats. That's, that's pretty, that's pretty crazy. Yeah.

With all of this going on. I don't know what, Biden's in Delaware. What did he tweet? What did you drop in here? No, you didn't. I'm trying not to. So he, this is an old video of himself drinking out of a coffee cup.

There's, okay, I'm gonna, all right, I have two stories here. Okay, so first off, he's drinking very, I've never seen anyone drink as awkwardly. It's like he struggles to raise the cup.

Number one. Did you notice that? Am I the only person who's noticed this? He struggles to raise the, it's like very shaky. I'm surprised he didn't spill it all over himself. Yeah, and he goes, I like my coffee dark.

Wow. Yeah, he's trying to be dark branded. He's got the dark branded meme.

Because they were making, man, they cannot meme. That's so lame. He doesn't even know what it means. He probably doesn't. Does he know he's president? Does he even know that? I don't know.

He may not. He's on the beach somewhere. He's on the, so he's, you can see when he raised, if you're watching the simulcast of the radio program, because you can listen to the radio program across the country.

And if you're watching the simulcast, YouTube, Facebook, Channel 347. My coffee dark. That's scary.

Notice how he, like he struggles to, who has that much trouble lifting a damn coffee cup? Do you think there's anything in it? No. It's probably inshore. Some inshore in there.

Having some inshore. Good grief. So he puts that out.

That's what that's what he just tweeted out. In the meantime, you have, yeah, the Biden economy. I mean, it just, it's a joke, really.

All of this is a joke. You got the transcript that's out. You got all this stuff with Devin Archer. And then right after all this happens, let's go ahead and put another, get some more get some more indictments out. We need more indictments, guys. Gotta have some more indictments.

Trump has been on his platform saying that he was going to go to be to DC to be arrested and challenged. And he said, he goes, I'm, he says, I'm being arrested for you. Okay, you know, come on. Now let's calm down. Everybody settle down, settle down. But they're gonna make the picture. They're gonna do the mugshot.

And like I said, I'll never like this man again, if he doesn't immediately merge that out. Right? Like I want to see beach towels. Right?

Am I right? I want beach towels. What else do we want? You need like playing cards and koozies koozies you need a koozie umbrellas you need it.

Yeah, you need an umbrella. They need to do to that photo like what they did to the Obama photo. What's his face that artists that did that? They need to do the Obama photo thing to the mugshot. I mean that it needs to be it needs to be on t shirts needs to be on jacket and easy.

They need to it needs to be merged out. And if it's not, I'll never like him again. Ever. I mean, you just don't miss opportunities like that for massive, massive merchandising. You just don't do it. Right?

I mean, notepads think all the things you could make came. Think of all of the activities. There's like so many things you could do.

You know what you could do? You could even do like a gosh dang it. I can't even think of the game, the backyard game, throwing the beanbags I can't think of the name. I play all the time. Cornhole.

You make a cornhole board with it. Oh, man. That'd be smart. Actually.

I purchased that I would purchase that item. Just saying there's like all kinds of stuff you could do if he didn't merge that out. All the respect is gone. Never again.

Never again. Alright, so while this is all happening, good heavens. We have all of the emails and the photos and everything else the shady business dealings. All of this. The we were just telling you a little bit earlier about the CCP company that was doing business with the Biden selling out our like tech, military tech to China that probably now Iran and everybody else is going to get. I mean, who knows? They're all going to get it. You know what I mean?