Absurd Truth: Who Pumps And/Or Pays For Gas

Dana Lashes of Sir Truth Podcast sponsored by Kel-Tec.

It's his life mission to make bad decisions. It's time for Florida Man. So that mega millions, you know that jackpot that $1.58 billion prize, apparently it was a Florida ticket holder that won it the largest total in the lottery's history. The winning numbers were 13, 19, 20, 32, 33, with a gold mega ball of 14.

I would have gotten some. My husband says it's a tax on stupidity. And so he's not a big fan of lotto tickets in this house. So we don't ever get to play.

Or touch the thermostat. Anyway, that person now has the option of claiming a single lump sum. That's about 757 million or take 30 annual payments. I don't know, what would you do, Cam?

Did you do a lump sum? Alright, so what else do we have here? Because I don't know why this is not showing up. Goodness. I'm so done, dude, with this, with this browser. Alright, so a Florida man was arrested after registering a Porsche 930 turbo. Like he apparently stole this from a museum. Forgive me, I'm pulling this up.

Apologies. It was stolen from a museum and he tried to register it. Why would you do that?

Why would you? I mean, it's a gorgeous car. It's valued at $250,000. It has been recovered.

But he was arrested on fraud charges. He registered it's a 1977 Porsche 911 turbo. It was stolen from the Sarasota Classic Car Museum. The guy used a number from another vintage 911 out of a California salvage yard to to register the car. So they had their burglary alarm tripped off and all this and officers made contact with an employee. They did, you know, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But they ended up locating the vehicle. They got an anonymous tip saying that a 36 year old was seen with this brown Porsche at an unnamed local warehouse and they ran it down and they got so thankfully it wasn't like damaged. The guy's being held without bond in the Sarasota County Jail. But what a stupid crime.

I mean, how dumb are you? I really don't want to bury this. I'm gonna go to this one Florida cemetery. A Florida cemetery buries, oh boy, buries the widow with the wrong husband. Not once, but twice. For the second time in the past year, the same deceased widow has been interred with the wrong late husband.

Wait, how many late husbands does she have? The Veterans Cemetery located in Bushnell first came under scrutiny last August when her cremains were mistakenly mixed with the wrong veterans' cremains. And then a widow's casket was found in a crypt with the wrong late husband. Okay, so it was two different ones. So they said that there's actually a whole specialty, which I guess in cemetery and funeral home negligence, they call the mistakes horrendous, the Texas attorney. And they said that these morticians were, by the way, these morticians, they said they were contacted by WFLA, they declined to comment on the mix ups because you know, they're working. But how do you do that, though?

Like how? Because if you're mixing someone's cremains together, you ain't getting that back. That's done.

They are forever intertwined now all throughout eternity. I don't know. I just, that's, I don't know. This is weird. I'm, I don't know. Oh, man. All right.

Next, tomorrow I'll tell you about the woman who makes jewelry out of weird things, including cremains. The latest data from the American Heart Association indicates that adults with fatty liver were 3.5 times more likely to have heart failure than those without. And the American Liver Foundation says that 100 million Americans have fatty liver. Start taking care of your liver with Liver Health Formula. You throw everything at your liver, cholesterol, alcohol, toxins, Tylenol, statins, cigarettes, you shouldn't.

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So take care of your liver with Liver Health Formula and get a free bonus gift at GetLiverHelp.com slash Dana. An ad. He dropped an ad yesterday. And you know, he's just regular guy Mike Pence.

If you get the email newsletter over at Substack, I did write about it. Because he decided, you know, and I think it was I'll say this, look, I'm going to say something nice. He is he was timing his ad to coincide with the week that Joe Biden is going to go and try to sell his energy, or lack thereof, to talk about how he's going to ruin all the oil and gas and everybody's just going to basically be, you know, just beyond Chinese solar. I get it. So he decided he's going to do this ad at a gas station. Now, I'm immediately thinking, okay, I because he seems a little stiff. You know what I'm saying? Not I'm not saying that to be mean, just not everybody can get in front of the camera and do all that stuff.

And that shouldn't actually be a requirement for office. But he dude is stiff. So that's why I was wondering, I'm like, has he ever? Because he gets gas in his ad. And I it's like AI wrote the damn thing. So he drops this ad he gets out of a truck.

Let me set it up and we're gonna play it. He sticks a gas pump nozzle into the open gas tank while the machine pleadingly beeps at him to please choose a fuel type throughout the entire ad. And he doesn't swipe a credit. I mean, maybe he gets free gas. I don't know. I just just listen to some of this because is he holding the lever in the pump? I don't even know.

Just listen to some of this ad first. Hey, everybody. Mike Pence here. Remember $2 a gallon gas?

I do. And then Joe Biden became president of the United States and launched his war on energy. Since that time, gasoline prices are up 60%. Electricity prices are up 25%. Joe Biden's war on energy is causing real hardship for working families, small businesses and family farms. But we've got a plan to relieve all of that.

We just unveiled the Pence energy plan that will not only put our country back on a path to energy independence. Now what the things that he's saying this is what my first thought when I saw this ad. Go ahead and hit wham. That's my first thought. The Zoolander scene, when they're all at the gas station and they're just having a gas fight.

Okay, that was my first thought, right? So he gets out and the machine is beep beep. He's got this lapel mic on. If you're trying to be the everyman first off, you should have had a boom mic. You should not have had a lapel mic.

The audio is horrible. I don't know who shot this thing. Is that his truck? Or did he wait for somebody to go inside the car? And then he went out and did it. I don't know.

But I mean, it's like I said, it's like a I wrote it. Hello, I'm normal human Mike Pence. I want to give all your gases to Ukraine.

Here, let's feed this truck some Saudi juice. Beep, beep, beep. Joe Biden is made of insurance and orthopedic souls of senior sneakers. He made your energy prices go up while his son snorted Chinese coke. I hate Trump.

Vote for me. Beep, beep, beep. That was the ad. And I know he's like saying things about energy and gas prices and all of this stuff. No one's paying attention because we're all asking questions like do you just get free gas? Or do you not know how to pump gas? Like who gets out of their truck and the gas caps already open and all that stuff for him.

He gets out with his lapel mic on. And then that the thing that's beeping, you got to choose like what grade of gas you're going to get. And you have to also choose, you know, you swipe your card.

You know, you don't the gone are the days of pain after you got to prepay. You got to swipe your card, right? And it was just weird. And then he just like, was he holding the lever? I don't know.

Would it have taken an extra minute to just kick out the little kickstand that it has and just let it go? I mean, I don't, I don't know. I just feel like it could have all of the it was just poorly directed. It was so poorly directed.

He just I don't know it. And if I had to pick that up. To Do you remember?

Here, get this. Do you remember when Elizabeth Warren I had this post out last night? Remember her insta live? Where she was in her kitchen awkwardly, like pretending to cook or make some of her famous Native American? What did she make a crab dip? Yes, because we all know that Native Americans made crab dip and very fancy hors d'oeuvres.

Right? Remember when she was faking to be a Native American? And she did.

She literally wrote it on a card in her own hand when she was applying to Harvard. But do you remember when she was like, Oh, hi, sweetie? Would you like a beer? Listen to how awkward this was. My husband, Bruce, is now in here. Um, you want a beer? I'll pass on a beer for now. So this is my sweetie. Hello.

I'm a nerd. Hell is that? No, I'll pass on a beer for now.

No, I will pass on a beer for now. Is that just them? Are they is that? Is that how Northeasterners talk?

Or it's just them two? I don't know. But she's in there standing in her kitchen. Well, yeah, I'm pretending to cook and kind of conveniently grab the spear with a little.

Grab the spear with the label backwards. So you can't actually see what I'm drinking. Oh, honey, would you like a would you like a beer and he's bewildered. Like this broads offer me a beer.

How long we've been married this body never offered me a beer a day of my life. But because she's got this instant live going now she's offering me a beer. I feel like if I had to pit the Mike Pence gas thing up against the Elizabeth Warren Hi, sweetie, would you like a beer? I don't know what pander stunt would win. If it was like a cage match style. It's like, my kids always come up with these like crazy scenarios like okay, what would win? 50 penguins against an alligator or what would win? The Mike Pence gas ad or the Elizabeth Warren insta life beer?

I don't know. But see, I feel like he's, I think that he's trying to be wholesome with his ad. But I think that's how he should have started his campaign. Instead of coming out and being like, well, I hate Trump.

I just feel like that would have worked better for him. Oh, my gosh, it is like it is. Oh, man, it is so awkward.

That ad is one of the most awkward ads I have ever seen in my life. And my favorite is the fuel pump, featuring fuel pump. It's like he came out with a song and that's like the guest rap. That's like the guest for the bridge. Featuring fuel pump.

I love it. But I just want to touch on the thing in New Jersey with the gas because they passed that in Oregon. So everybody can go out and pump their gas, the self serve.

And now New Jersey. Why? It's a crime. It's a $500 fine. If you don't wait for an attendant to handle it for you. Right?

$500. They said, Oh, no, it's too dangerous to dispense the gas yourself. It's too dangerous, Cain. I mean, you could you could slip on a slick surface.

You could you could accidentally just cover yourself again. People, they act like they're lighting their candles out there right by the gas right by the fuel pump. I just don't understand this. It is one of the goofiest things ever. So now, under the new law, at least half of the pumps must still be reserved for full service gas pumping.

I'm gonna tell you, I don't mind. Like every day in southern Missouri, there, I think, one time I've only ever found a gas station where it says they had an attendant. And I immediately pulled in there because I'm like, that is bougie as hell. That is like some bougie service, right to have a gas station. That is that's like that service, right? That's like the Ritz of gas station services.

But and you know, it was just very nice. But I don't I don't ever see that. So I don't even know how to deal with it. I'm the opposite. I wouldn't know what to do.

I'd be driving in like, what? I don't even know. So they said that half of them has to be full service. I'm obsessed with this.

I'm so sorry. And they don't have to offer it. But wait, they have, wait, what? Half the pumps must still be reserved for full service gas pumping. But they don't, they're not required. That doesn't make any sense. That doesn't make any sense. What does that mean?

I don't know. And they have to charge the same price for both options, either full service or so wait, what? You're not paying your it's just weird. So union leaders did not like the did they have a union they have a gas station attendant union. I would imagine 2000 gas stations. They said that's millions of dollars a year that corporations are not paying wages and payroll taxes, etc. So now New Jersey stands alone and mandating universal full service gas pumping. They enacted that in 1949.

And there's nothing to suggest that they're going to change that. So really, so literally, if you're in New Jersey, and you try to get out pump your gas, that's illegal. No, no.

I think Mike Pence needs to find needs to go there and have them pump his gas. I mean, that was some crazy stuff. You've heard me rave about the Keltyke KSG shotgun for a long time. And the fact is, I cannot say enough good things about it. I mean, the KSG is the one that started it all made ordinary shotguns obsolete and still reigns supreme.

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It's time for Dana's quick five. So this is a wild story. If you get the email newsletter, then you got this already the cousin you everyone remembers the tragedy in Uvalde. The cousin of that killer was arrested for threatening to shoot up a school. The cousin of the killer responsible for the deadly school shooting in Uvalde, Texas was arrested Monday after his mother reported that he was trying to buy a gun and do the same thing. According to authorities, the 17 year old was taken into custody Monday morning charged with making threats to a public place and his own family.

One was a felony charge one was a misdemeanor. The mother notified authorities after learning that her son had made statements that worried her. And she said that some of that he like literally said he was going to shoot up the school. And the other weird thing about this, according to the police affidavit and some other reporting, including that of New York Times, the mother apparently overheard a phone conversation that the suspect made that morning in which the suspect attempted to acquire an AR 15 through an illegal private sale. So no other information has been given about that. But it's incredibly interesting.

It was a nice run humans nice run. So apparently now fancy feast, the cat food is trying they're making fancy feast for humans. They did a pop up shop because people are so desperate to be bougie that they decided to do human cat food at Madison Square Park. This is why aliens don't visit us.

Those people should be sterilized as people that's ridiculous. Drinking just one can of sugary soda a day may raise the risk of liver cancer by 85%. Harvard team observed a nearly 100,000 American women for over 20 years, and they compared their drinking habits to rates of liver cancer cases and liver disease. And they found out that if you're drinking sugary soda, and I'm not talking like the diet stuff, I'm like, I'm talking about like the regular soda that like Mountain Dew has the most sugar of all the drinks out there. brisk lemon tea, which is not really a soda, but it has the least. But they said that everything was pretty much well over the daily recommended like Fanta is really high up there barks root beers really high up there.

That crush grape drink really high up there. So I mean, I think we probably told you that but eating nuts. This is weird can actually ward off depression. According to a study, eating 30 grams of nuts every day. They say it's linked to a 17% lower risk of depression. And 30 grams a day a daily of nuts is enough to reap anti inflammatory benefits. They studied 13,500 people in the UK age 37 to 73. And they did not have depression at the start of the study. And they were they literally studied nut consumption. That's very interesting. I mean, I like almonds taste good. Let's see this fast food restaurant sparked outrage with the end Frank burger and Hitler fries.

Why would anyone do this? It was in Argentina. Oh, they offer the Adolf burger and the Anna Frank hamburger. Why the place is called Honky Donky, a local eatery.

And it's in the Santa Fe province. And that was what so a lot of people were very upset about that, clearly. So I think they're taking it off of their menu.

I just kind of kind of wild Oh, and then I skipped over this one. A three were charged with assault over that wild Mick Foley style attack on the Alabama doc. I mean, that's still coming out. By the way, the guy who went through the Crocs that was from a Brooklyn fight. That wasn't from Alabama. So I was really upset to find that that fact check out. Stick with us. We got a lot more in store next. Like sands through the hourglass.

So are the days of the United States. My son does identify as a cat, but I cannot take him to a vet. Because I tried that. And the veterinarian told me that because he has human anatomy, that he does not know how to to work on him or diagnose him with anything. And he legally cannot. So and while I do think that is a form of discrimination, because, you know, my son, if he says anything, he's not going to be able to do it. Because he's a cat. He is a cat.

And he needs to be treated like that, like one, you know, but I'm not going to press charges, because I know that he could lose his license if I if he did work on my son. So it's just the internet saying that this is a parody account. I don't know. Because everything is so nuts.

That I can't tell anymore to tell. I mean, I have to literally go is this person for real on social media? And then and and they're not exactly sure. They're like it. We think it's parody. I mean, I think it it may be.

I'm hoping that it is. But they're like, Yes, it's real. Can you believe it? And someone's like, No, because there really was a parent. And then they linked a story of a parent who got mad because the school didn't treat their kid like a like a dog that they were trying to pretend to be.

So I don't know. And then we have, you know, the dude who literally spent $15,000 on a crappy collie costume, and has to be like hauled around on one of those like, Home Depot, Lowe's, whatever plant beds, because he can't actually walk on all fours because you know, he's not a damn dog. I just, you know, I just Why are we entertaining this stuff? You know what, I'm so tired of people like it's so rude if you're not affirming someone's neurosis.

It's rude if you expect us to affirm your neurosis. We are pressed upon people, you know, like we've got a lot of stuff going on in our day. We got kids going back to school. We got school supplies to get ready.

We got dinner to make. We got to figure out how we're, you know, going to get all our laundry done. The last thing that we need is to have to be bitched at by someone else. We need to be bitched at by somebody because how dare we not affirm their decision to either pretend that they're an animal or pretend that because they cut their nuts off their chick. I'm tired of it.

We are busy people. Leave us alone. Leave us alone. Really, that's what we need.

We need that guy crying for us. Tired of this. Golly.

Every day. I mean, at some point, it's rude, isn't it? It's rude. Like, treat me treat me like the billionaire I am. And I'm going to go into a bank and be like, I want my billion dollars because I identify as that.

So go ahead and give it to me. Make it real. See, that's the thing. They know it's not real. But in order for it to be real for them, you have to affirm it. In order for it to be fully real for them. They have to force you into doing all of it.

It's not really real if you're not doing it. That's not my problem. Gosh. I had a horrible, like, watery breakfast yogurt this morning. And that's my problem right now.

I'm still mad about it. It was the worst yogurt I've ever had. And I'm like, what is with this yogurt? It's nasty. Like, what is wrong?

I just want some Greek yogurt and put some granola in it. What's wrong? And that's my problem. And if I had to deal with somebody coming up to me being like, I need you to pretend that I'm a dog. I'd kick you. Get away. Done with it. People stress me out. Stop. Thanks for tuning in to today's edition of Dana Lash's Absurd Truth Podcast. If you haven't already, make sure to hit that subscribe button on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.