Absurd Truth: The Babylon Bee Guide To Gender

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It's his life mission to make bad decisions. It's time for Florida Man. So do you guys remember the story?

We had this headline. Florida Man who says that he's, well, he's living underwater for months. A retired Navy commander and university professor, Joe DeChory, he spent close to 100 days confined in an underwater habitat about 30 feet below the surface of the Florida coast. He broke the record for longest time spent underwater on May 14th. He's still down there. He's apparently going to, he's going to wait for 100 days.

It's on this, it's on Friday, this Friday. And so he said that he shrank. He said that he has shrunk at least a half an inch due to the pressure. And when he was asked whether or not if he expects to grow back to the height that he was, he says, I don't know. That's, that has to have like a health complication, right?

Like they would, I don't know. A Florida Man was arrested with fentanyl while impeding traffic with a homeless sign. Lee County, Florida. Florida Man was arrested for drug possession, obstructing traffic. He stood in the middle of an intersection with a sign while holding bags of fentanyl. The sign read, hungry, homeless, anything helps. And then he, law enforcement deemed that as a distraction and visual obstruction for motorists.

They said it was a hazardous use of right-of-way. And when he saw the cops, though, he departed the intersection, tried to conceal the cardboard sign in his pocket. And they found lots of, lots of fentanyl, apparently.

And it, white, apparently white powder bag and a pink powder bag, both which, both which tested positive for fentanyl. So he's arrested on a whole slew of charges. You're just going to stand out there with bags of fentanyl in the middle of the road?

Was he trying to get arrested? I mean, apparently, apparently. I mean, I guess he is. Yeah, but I don't, I mean, is he like dangling it?

That's one thing that article didn't say. Like, is he dangling it out there like a free fentanyl or something? I don't know.

Let's see. This Florida man says, quote, Damn, that's a nice bike before taking man's bike. Miami-Dade County police arrested a Florida man Monday after he was accused of stealing a victim's bike and then taking cash out of his wallet while he was sitting at a bus stop in northwest Miami-Dade. According to police, the victim was at the bus stop with his bicycle resting against his leg, and 36-year-old Adonte McKinney and three men approached him. Authorities said the suspects told the victim, Damn, that's a nice bike, and then literally took it and ran away.

The victim chased the suspect but lost sight of him. And then when the victim returned to the bus stop, McKinney picked him up by his hoodie and pinned him against the wall next to the bus bench. Then he put the victim down, offered him to take off his shoes and socks.

The victim took off his shoes, wouldn't take off his socks. McKinney forcibly removed them, took his cell phone, $40 from his wallet, threw the wallet and cell phone back at him. And then police arrived at the scene. They detained McKinney after the victim called 911. So he was booked. No bond set yet.

He's got two warrants out for domestic violence, though. So that's... Golly. I mean, swashbuckler seems stealing Captain Morgan's statue in Inglewood.

Yeah. Apparently, they're looking for this guy. It was at Inglewood Business, May 19. They said that this Florida thief used a blue door to a blue two door pickup and then was traveling with a canine first mate. I hope the dog's okay and legit stole this Captain Morgan statue of all the things to steal. They're looking for him. Police are looking for this guy.

I also have... Oh, I got another one. A man accused of jumping into Busch Gardens alligator enclosure. Arrested. Why would you jump in there?

Tampa police arrested 20 year old Jacob Perciful in Tampa Monday evening. He and two other people made their way to the gator habitat. Did they know what they were doing? And one of his friends recorded it. They posted it on social media.

The detectives say the video helped them identify and locate him. He points to the crowd and says another wild Karen Crikey in the video. That's what he says in the video. Someone in the crowd shouted at him to get out. A woman said it's very dangerous.

You're gonna get hurt. And, oh man, Wildlife Rescue and Rehabilitation founders said that was stupid. That was their direct quote. So they arrested. I mean, Golly, how do you get in that in the first place? I would just think that they would have cameras and that they would know. But of course, are people that stupid really?

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So take care of your liver with Liver Health Formula and get a free bonus gift at GetLiverHelp.com slash Dana. There's two other people on set with me. This has never happened. I love how we just go away and we come back and boom, there's two other people here on set. This is the first time we've ever had more than just two people.

The third time ever that we've had guests in studio and we're doing it because it's a special thing. So first off, you guys all know. You guys are all familiar with the Babylon Bee, right? It's one of the funniest, I think, entities. You guys are fake news.

You get fact checked all the time. They're hysterical. They have a new book out as well and I've been reading it and it's a riot. It's actually and I'm going to ask you guys about this. It's sort of patterned almost after a Bible study.

It's the Babylon Bee guide to gender. Oh, there we go. Juan in coming in clutch. Thank you, Juan. And we're here with Seth Dillon and Joel Berry. And thank you guys so much.

First off, welcome to Texas. Not your first time here. Really sorry about the heat. Not my fault. Congrats on the book, though. Thank you. Thank you.

It's good to be here. So let's talk about this a little bit because it's the comprehensive handbook to men, women and millions of new genders we just made up. Now, we have had so many problems on this show because like every week there's a there's a new gender that is introduced. And like, for instance, one of the ones before we got started, I you guys reference this in the book, the whole two spirit thing. I don't even know what that means. It doesn't it suggest like a binary?

I don't know. And for those of you who like pictures, there's I mean, it is also a book with pictures, so it's amazing. But tell me about this because Well, the more illustrations you use, the fewer words you have to write. Exactly. I mean, it's satire, but it's true.

Yeah, it's true. So the two spirit I don't even know what this means. You split yourself into like, what is that?

What is two spirit? Yeah, we were just as confused about this as you are. Well, that's good that you wrote the book on it.

Yeah. But But the funny thing about it is, you don't have to do a whole lot of work to write something that comes across as really funny and satirical. We what we did was when we wanted to write this book, we said, let's write a leftist book.

Let's think like a leftist and let's kind of basically give this straight, you know, straight version of what they believe with a few exaggerations, of course. And it turns out, it's really funny. You don't have to do much work. No, you don't. I mean, it's you use like icons that we've seen, like, like some of the Screaming Progressives or some of like, for instance, the you say furry, you can be beta or work, put doggy food under the box and stick trap.

I don't even we got to talk about the the chicken Tinderqueer, which I have been joking, that's going to be my new Twitter name. But I mean, it's not as absurd. I mean, it's absurdity to highlight absurdity. But that's what we're being asked to accept as science.

And if we don't, I mean, in some instances, you could say, I mean, in some instances, you can actually be fine, you can lose your job. I mean, there's serious penalties for not believing in science is a good point to bring up because that's why this book was necessary. So before science, everybody was a bigot and an idiot, right? So we all thought there were just men and women, which was extremely ignorant and rude and awful and basically evil. So, but then science was invented. And we learned that men can get pregnant and that women can suffer testicle injuries. Right. And so once science told us that it opened up this whole new opportunity to explore the infinite spectrum, that makes so much nonsense. Yeah, just total total nonsense. So this because you I mean, it's I just wanted to touch on some of the things you get into.

There's a test I know that you can take. You also have the commandments of gender. Like you can't deadname. You're a god don't forget it because gods don't forget things that it does create like a special class of people who cannot be disagreed with. Yeah. And we we did the religious kind of feel of the book is not an accident because what we're looking at with gender ideology is a religion.

This is a hate image. It's on a tablet like the one that Moses had. You guys are gonna be in trouble now. Yeah, yeah, it's it's it's it's it's as old as time. I mean, it goes back to Lucifer saying I'm going to be like the Most High. I'm going to be like God. And that's what that's what this is. It's it's people saying that God doesn't define who I am.

My creator doesn't define who I am. I do. And when when people get into that mindset, hilarity ensues. So you just kind of you kind of laugh at it. We're talking to the guys from Babylon B, their new book, Gender, the comprehensive handbook to men, women and millions of new genders that we just made up or did they were talking with Seth Dillon and Joel Berry. You also have a guide for what men can do and what women can't do. And men, for instance, you know, you give the example that men cannot do the splits, cannot or should not.

Both. Yeah, we had a lot of fun with the other, you know, thing that you'll find a lot of in this book is just that, like the classic man versus woman humor. I think that I miss that that kind of comedy has really been lost because there's there's this entity, I think, between the sexes now. And we're all men. We're we're married. We really love our wives. And there's so much comedy that comes out of the differences between men and women. So we were glad we were able to put that we have an entire chapter on on men and entire chapter on women. And that was a blast.

So I think those are my two favorite chapters to write. I think that there's a lot of things that I just want to hang it on the wall and I'll just hammer something. That's a poor I know you guys are dying inside the thermostat. If I touch it immediately, there's like a silent alarm that goes off somewhere. My husband knows has to come in with all urgency to correct my mistake. But it's funny to kind of I can sense it within 15 minutes or so.

Yeah, my wife has touched a thermostat. I know. I know.

I'm getting alerts on my phone. It's a common thing with couples. I don't know why, but it just is. And I mean, it's funny to talk about it, but I don't know why so many things have been written about it. I think it's funny. I think it's funny.

I think it's funny to talk about it, but I don't know why so many things have been written about it. I think it's funny. I think it's funny. I think it's funny. I think it's funny. I think it's funny. I think it's funny. I think it's funny. I think it's funny. I think it's funny. I think it's funny.

I think it's funny. This is the first big oh. I don't know. I can't say octagon. That's UFC trademark.

So parallelogram probably or trapezoid. But what did you guys make of the debate. And I we were all talking that we wish kind of there would have been a little bit more discussion about abortion. I feel like the Republican Party is terrified to talk about this. Yeah, I mean, I don't know how to evaluate these debates.

The format doesn't make any sense to me. They only give them like seconds to respond to things and then they start yelling at them if they go over time and then they start bickering with each other. They have no control over it. I think generally the people who win these debates are the ones who attract the most attention to themselves and get the other candidates on the stage to attack them or respond to them. You saw a lot of the vacant Pence going at each other, so they were attracting a lot of attention to themselves. That's the most awake I saw Pence. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If I was a fly on his head, I probably would have flown off.

He was moving around so much and getting so heated. I don't know. I have a hard time evaluating who won. I don't know that I can say who won.

It's whoever you're talking about the day after, I guess, the most is probably who won, whether for good or bad because they're getting most publicity out of it. But with the issues themselves, like wokeness and the gender stuff that we're talking about in this book was absent from the discussion, which I thought was really interesting because that is like the cultural issue right now of our time that parents, voters are so worked up about. And we didn't even hear from the candidates on that stuff. And it's a winning issue, too.

I don't understand why they wouldn't. Abortion is another thing, which it did seem like they were very scared to draw a hard line in the sand when it came to abortion. But when it comes to school and what is happening to kids with gender ideology in school, that's something that should have been driven home a lot more, I think.

Yeah, I think so as well. And when you have two candidates on stage, one guy who wrote a book on it and the other guy who made it kind of this cultural spear point and I think attracted a lot of independents and moderates, especially when with the lockdowns and with the CRT in schools, you're right, that is a huge, that's a major winning issue. And it was pretty much absent with but they did ask about UFOs. You know, there, there was that there, there was that issue. Maybe Fox had something to do with how they, you know, table those questions and didn't want them coming up in the debate. I don't know who's deciding what issues we try to avoid. Yeah. The the abortion question, though, too, because it's there's some states that have like six week ban.

Some have 15. I think the national polling on this is most Americans oppose after 15 weeks. It seems that the it seems with Republicans, it's not an issue of they disagree on life, but it seems more like an issue of disagreement on strategy, whether it's at the federal level or state level. But do you get the sense that those who think it should be at the state level, like they're terrified of being called pro-abortion if they don't agree to a federal level? I just, I feel like they're terrified to speak, but we all know that they're on the same page. I think they're terrified because so many people who find who are in the pro solidly in the pro-life camp, their position is that abortion is murder.

Yes. And if abortion is murder, then when you when you're talking about murder, and you're saying, Oh, you know, let the states decide whether or not that is something we do. I mean, if you're going to apply the word murder to it, then it really shouldn't. Should it really be something that's up for debate at the state level?

Yeah, that might be one of the Yeah, the things that's a hangout for them. And I think too that I mean, we've been chasing Roe v. Wade for 50 years, that's been our one target, our one strategy. And now it's a completely different world. And I think it's probably going to take a few years of adjustment to figure out what what the next step is for the pro-life movement. I think that it do you think it's a message that can resonate? Because with moderates and independents, I feel like we're talking more about that demographic than any election prior. I get the sense that some of the GOP think, Oh, I don't know if that message is going to resonate with I think it does. I mean, look at Florida. I mean, they went out with the the six week they were very strong with pro-life language. And they got a lot of non traditional Republican voters.

I think, ironically, if one candidate had been bold enough last night to say abortion is murder, just say those words. I think that would have helped them. Yeah, all afraid to say that it would have I think it definitely would have like shaped that reshaped that for sure. For sure. Caltech invented the concealed carry category years ago with the P 11. But did they stop there?

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And now all of the news you would probably miss it's time for Dana's quick five. All right, so this a man decides to take a water scooter, flee China and cross 200 miles of sea to South Korea, because you know, you got to get around North Korea. He decides to I mean, that's, that's some desperation to get rid or to get to get yourself out of this communist nation. So he's he left on a water scooter. He's thought to be this political dissident who had been previously imprisoned in China. His name is Kwan piong 35 year old ethnic Korean, and he arrived in in the in South Korea last week. He, I mean, traveled over 200 miles on a personal watercraft from China, shangdong province to reach South Korea where he does have some relatives. So he was he's in a Coast Guard facility right now. They say confirmed it is him. But he's seeking political asylum outside of China.

And they said he's in good health and good spirits right now. Golly, that is determination. And also desperation. That's horrible. So this a locally required case of malaria found in Maryland for the first time in 40 years. Oh, that's kind of terrifying. I guess it's Yeah, something else we got to worry about.

So they said this. This is from local sorry, local news, locally acquired case of malaria first time in 40 years. And they say that it set off concern amongst public health officials. And the infected person lives Oh, Steve in the DC suburbs.

They're recovering at home after being hospitalized. There's no other information. There you go. Make sure you get that date. Love date. Yeah, date. Whoo. Get out.

Get all the date. Golly, that's kind of terrifying. I mean that.

I don't know. Also this Elon Musk. I told you he was considering hiding headlines yesterday.

This CNN is considering a former New York Times CEO for a top job. A controversial new AI app allows you to apparently text with God and the devil. No, that sounds horrible.

That sounds like that sounds like it's of the devil. Welcome back. We are here with the Babylon B crew.

We're here with Joel Berry and Seth Dillon, their new book Babylon B guide to gender, which I have right there's one throwing it up. I want to ask you guys a quick question as we wrap today this third hour satire, politics and Christianity. A lot of people I feel are afraid to get involved in the political.

Not everything has to be a political fight. How do you because you guys obviously were Christians. You guys are a Christian website and that's the perspective through which you approach your content.

Talk a little bit about that because how can Christians go about in the political world with their faith? Well, it's a challenging thing because mockery when you're bringing mockery to these ideas, you get you get pushback from people who are saying, well, Christians shouldn't do that. It's mean or it's cruel, you know, because you're making fun of people. But from our perspective, you know, the Christian worldview applied to these issues, you can certainly use humor if the purpose of it what you're trying to do is attack these bad ideas.

You know, you're not trying to make people feel bad about themselves. You're trying to you're trying to ridicule and mock and expose these ideas for what they are so that people don't take them seriously. The reason a book like this is necessary is because people took these insane ideas seriously.

You get a healthline.com that says men can get pregnant. Yeah, I mean, that's that's insane. And so, you know, pushing back on that and making fun of that is not an attack on a person. And in fact, I think we have like a moral imperative to do that as Christians and bring the truth into the culture through humor that way. And it's we see ourselves kind of as in following the tradition of the Old Testament prophets who mocked idolatry. If you look at some of Isaiah's writings, Jeremiah, oh, we're every bit as important as them.

Yes. Not quite, but but they made fun of the crack jokes about idols and and Elisha making fun of the prophets of veil. I think that's what we're seeing now is we're seeing kind of a new religion forming around this wokeness idea. They have their own sacred cows, their own idols that they bow to, and it's fun to mock them.

That's a really good point, because there's so many that I think would they want to speak out, but they also don't want to feel as though they are crossing any kind of, you know, line that they they don't they because they realize that by as Christians that they are an example and they don't want people to look poorly upon, you know, they don't want people to judge the faith by what they're exactly to be tolerant and compassionate. But but you're not helping anybody by tolerating ideas that result in children being sterilized and mutilated. That's not something you should tolerate.

So there have to be lines. There's certainly things that we should be intolerant of and deciding what those are. That's that's the important thing right now. Right.

And so what we've done is we've taken humor and use that as a tool to to attack those things that we think shouldn't be tolerated. Well, and the book goes on sale in September. Correct. And it's the Babylon B guide to gender right here guys. It's it's it's informative. It's funny. There are pictures. We love that.

All kinds of good things. Seth, Dylan, Seth, Joel, thank you guys so much. I appreciate you guys coming to that.

Sorry about the heat again. Congrats on the book and appreciate what you guys do over at the Babylon B as well. Thanks for tuning in to today's edition of Dana Lashes absurd truth podcast. If you haven't already made sure to hit that subscribe button on Apple podcast, Spotify, wherever you get your podcasts.