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That's V-Y-V-G-A-R-T MyWay.com, and talk to your doctor about Vivgard Hytrulo, brought to you by Argenix. Dana Lash's Absurd Truth Podcast. Like sands through the hourglass, so are the days of the United States. Immigrants. I I can't stand The idea that the dismantling of the culture that did have a hand in making me who I am, which is so meaningless in the face of people's lives being completely Unearthed, uprooted, destroyed, like just the vice.
This is this is like not who we are.
So like where I'm from, I don't identify with that right now. And so like, I definitely am dying every day thinking, so do we make movies about this? Do we throw all of our money at it? Do we stop buying burgers in the daytime? What do we do about this?
Like I can't. That's Kristen Stewart, one of the most annoying people. Who has ever entered acting? And I told Kane, Yeah, I don't understand the burger's comment. These days I buy all my burgers in a daytime.
What does that even mean? I don't know.
Well, you know, if we that's really what the situation needed. I mean, to make it better, you just stopped buying hamburgers during the daytime. Because if you buy hamburgers during the daytime, then ice is going to show up. Or something. I don't know.
What does she even say? She has a mullet, and it's not even an attractive one. And I get that sometimes, like, the wet look is in, but that just looks greasy and stinky. That's what that looks like. I um what does that mean to not Buy hamburgers during the day.
What does she think is going to happen? What the hell? I don't know.
So you buy them at night, and that makes it better?
Okay, I don't know. Has she ever purchased her own hamburger? She's probably never purchased her own burger. I just realized though watching that interview, she does the same annoying Gestures that she does in every single role. Like she's so overwhelmed, she can't get the word out of her mouth.
It's like a watching a pug sneeze. You can't, it just can't. Good night. I can't. Also, uh Man.
I'm going to save this for next segment. Uh because she's not the only celebrity. We're gonna get into Megan Rapinoe stuff. Is she trying to look like the older nutritionally deficient. version of Ariana Grande's boyfriend whose home she wrecked.
That's a deep dive. But still. I just I'm gonna need a bucket of coffee for this.
Okay. Everyone. Show me.
Alright, one. Cut 22. Just a bucket of it. Yeah. I got my coffee bucket.
And This is America.
So good. Best idea, Duncan. How much sugar is in that? I just got diabetes looking at it. It's a bucket of coffee.
It has a handle. You can actually carry it as a bag and just sip, you know? That's something else. Would you do it?
So, Duncan is coming out with buckets of coffee. Would you drink a bucket? That's a lot of sugar. A lot of dairy. Look how light that was.
Plus, amount of cold. I don't like cold coffee. Cold coffee is harassment. Yeah, I don't know what that's about. Who even does cold coffee?
Okay, frap is not the same thing. I heard you out there in the radio land. It's not the same thing. A frap is like blended. It's a treat.
This is just punishment. Which is gonna throw some ice in your coffee and make it horrible. There you go.
Well, that's a dollar seventy at five up charge. The bitterness is free. Doing taxes the old way meant handing everything off and just hoping things were moving. But now you can feel confident your taxes are being handled right with Intuit TurboTax.
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So, this is specifically in Minneapolis. Let me take you back. Actually, when did I have this video? I want to say a couple of weeks ago. Which tells me if this was, so if we started getting the video.
A couple of weeks ago, of those women protesting. That means that probably this plan for Target may have been underway for a while, but. This also had been caught up. This is the same target that's been caught up in riots. I went and looked.
It's been caught up in riots. It's been caught up in protests. It's like this is, I don't know what they have a problem with this target, progressives in Minneapolis.
So They said Remember they were saying they wanted ice out, etc.
Now Target is getting out. They're paying a lot of money to get out of the lease for their downtown headquarters. Do you want to know how much that cost? I about died. $110 million.
to get out of that lease. $110 million. They would rather pay $110 million than stay there. Getting rid of a hundred and ten million. is a better proposition for them than staying.
Unreal. I mean And they had Now they're moving their the the little the other stores are happening too.
So they moved out of they also moved their offices. They had a million square feet of office space in downtown Minneapolis's city center. And they paid last month to break the lease. They paid the 110 million. They went out.
Because that and it was supposed that lease by the way was supposed to run all the way through 2031. Wow.
Now the property owner, it's Samsung, South Korean. They're listing the property for sale. Man. guys, that's I'm just trying to do the math on that.
So they think that it would have been worse for them to stay. They would they so they sat down and did the math and they're like, hmm. It's going to be worse than $110 million if we stay. Holy cow But hey, just think of maybe just think of all the learning centers you can put there now. Kane, there's all this space for layering centers.
Do you want to go lear?
So much room for activities. I love learning. It's so great. Learing about things is fun. Mm.
I mean, great job though, Tim Walls and Jacob Fry. Great job. They've done a very great job with running out business. But Man, I mean, the fact that you can run out of target is really something. We've joked about Target before.
I haven't been into a Target in a long time. Have you been into a Target lately? No. No, not lately. Because they added so used to When you would go in, there was that one aisle that had I don't know, everything that was popular with Instagram influencers and TikTok that day.
Or that period.
So at one point, and I think we're still in this, everybody has coral everywhere. I don't understand that. What is the coral? I mean, I like the coral, it looks nice, but I don't understand. If you're in, like, no offense, Kansas, but if you're in Kansas, The way that it's displayed, it's like you just went outside and picked some up and put it in, and it's just like a found object.
That's not, but you're but if you're like in Kansas or in Iowa, that's you know, not really how that coral works.
So, but you know that aisle that they have, and you're like, I need that in my house. You know what I'm talking about, that one aisle.
Well, now. They went from taking it towards that one aisle. And it's, you walk in, and then there was, at least in the Target in my area, and there's a whole. area where there's a rug and it's all the magnolia stuff. And it looks like somebody's house.
Like, I'm half expecting somebody to be in socks, curled up, reading a book. You know what I mean? Like, you go in, you're like, the hell is this? And it's a whole house, a whole house in here. And then there's like the living room section, and then there's the kitchen section.
And some of the stuff, I'm like, how many platters? How many wood? Wood boards does someone really need? You know what I mean? How many?
Anyway, my whole point is that that section, The last time I went in there. There were a million women in that section. I couldn't even see half the stuff. I don't know if it was like new that they just brought out. I don't know if it was like new items, and so people were there to get their new items.
I don't know.
But They had There were a million women in there, and everybody's looking at all this like tchotchki stuff that you're never gonna, you can't actually use it as kitchen implements. Come on. But you know what I mean? And then the desert plants, everybody had desert plants. Didn't matter if you even lived up in a mountain, they had desert plants.
Something else. Anyway, when you run, I mean, there's you always will find something in the target. And when you run when you're so bad that you run something like that out. I feel like you need to do an assessment. You need to make an assessment.
It's like running a waffle house out. I just don't know what the equivalent is. That is really bad. I mean, I know areas in like in Missouri where I lived, and there's some Texas, where even if it's kind of a bad neighborhood, that Target's still going strong. You know what I mean?
And nobody really messes with it because it's Target. I mean, like I said, they got something for everyone. It's like a bougie Walmart. Not saying Walmart's low rent, but they take a great deal of time in organizing their stuff to make it look like somebody's house in Target. And then the men can go in the women's bathrooms.
I don't know.
I just. Mm. I can't. So I haven't been there in a while. But when you run out of target, that is something.
That That's probably that's an F on your leadership. I'm thinking that is an F.
Now I meant to get to this yesterday, didn't have time. Miracle in Missouri. Wrong way Somali trucker. That sounds ooh, ooh, sidebar. I'm going to finish this headline.
I got to interrupt myself. Wrongway Somali trucker sounds like a really great. band, but like maybe a three piece. that plays in coffee shops. and it's mostly acoustic.
Right? Wrong Way Somali Trucker. It sounds like a Wilco album. Wrong Way Somali Trucker. Anyway, the guy can't read English and he barely avoids a catastrophe.
And there's a video of this guy going the wrong way on a highway. Thankfully, nobody else was injured because none of the other drivers were morons. High speeds, wrong way. down the highway. And Minnesota was the one that gave him the ro the CDL.
Minnesota gave them the CDL. The guy's name is. Uh Abdiwali Ahmed.
Sounds right. Mm-hmm. Yeah. I mean, high speed going the wrong way. I How do you get a C D L when you can't even read signs?
You get it from Democrat-run states. I gotta tell you. And it's not just truckers too, it's like. Uber and even DoorDash.
So the last time we left the airport, got into an Uber, the guy couldn't speak English and he couldn't read any signs. How do I know this? Because he literally had to google what he put in. I was watching what he did on his phone.
So we were at DFW, they're doing all kinds of construction.
So if you were used to taking a certain way to get in or out of the terminal, that's all messed up and you have to follow all these signs. He had no idea what they said. He literally stopped. And was like trying to, and was taking a picture and trying to, I am not kidding you. And I was freaking out thinking, do I just get out now?
Like, how does this work? Do I just bail right now? He couldn't read any of the signs. He couldn't talk. He couldn't do anything.
I'm surprised he even made it that far into the airport. This is what I'm talking about. Why are how in the hell is this happening? And to have that level. That inability to read that and you get a C D L That is one of them, that is super dangerous, and it's a national security concern, by the way.
If you're giving all these people every Somali that can't even read English or speak English or read a sign, you're giving these people who are coming over here who can't speak or read English, you're giving them commercial driver's licenses and they're driving these ginormous half a football field length trucks. Like this guy going the wrong way down the highway. And apparently, another thing, another story said that he couldn't, he actually didn't know it was the wrong way. I'm not kidding you.
Someone said he was unaware that it was the wrong way. What gave you the idea that it was the right way? All the cars coming at you as you were driving the wrong way down the highway? They're wrong. Look at these people.
They don't know where we're going. You're going the wrong way. Oh my gosh. Our partners that bring you the program, WebRoot wants to make sure that whatever you're doing online, you're doing it safely. Think about it.
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Doing taxes the old way meant handing everything off and just hoping things were moving. But now you can feel confident your taxes are being handled right with Intuit TurboTax.
Now you match with a TurboTax full service expert. Just upload your document. Right in the app, and boom, they take it from there. Start to finish, you've got a dedicated expert working your return. They check every deduction and credit to help you get the best possible outcome so you can feel confident you're getting every dollar you deserve.
And now you're not guessing what's happening, you're seeing it happen. TurboTax gives you real-time updates on your experts' progress while you go about your day. Run errands, grab a coffee, live your life. You're always in the loop. And if a question pops up, you get unlimited expert help at no extra cost, even on nights and weekends during tax season.
Taxes are finally transparent, easier, and handled. Visit TurboTax.com. Only available with TurboTax full-service experts. Real-time updates only in iOS mobile app. I'm Rhett Rasmussen of BestHotGrill.com/slash hot.
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Soler Demo Rental Program at bestthotgrill.com/slash hot. And now, all of the news you would probably miss, it's time for Dana's Quick Five.
So, a declassified CIA memo has revealed plans to turn citizens into unwitting assassins.
Well, it was like back in the 90s and the 50s and then like it stopped in the 90s. That's what they said. Do you believe it? I don't know.
It's still going up. You think so? Yes. I hate everything. Can I just turn into like a complete and total rubble at this point?
I just, I feel like, I just need to. I feel like I need to. Yeah. I just, you know. Uh alright, we got more.
We've got. Oh, scroll down here. I'm gonna come back to that. Americans are leaving the U.S. in record numbers.
Because they're probably morons and they want to go paid more taxes somewhere else. 250th a year, they're saying, Oh, no, no, hasn't occurred since something since the Great Depression. More people. Than ever are moving out, etc. Since the Eisenhower administration, we haven't collected such comprehensive statistics on the number of people who are leaving.
Again, I don't know if I buy into all of this. Three top AI models were. Involved in simulated war games, and they recommended using nukes 95% of the time, according to this headline. This is. I have a million headlines about AI today.
Not good news, obviously, and it very much exercise or echoes a skynet type of thing. It said a war game exercise carried out at King's College London using three teams running simulations on ChatGPT, Claude, and Gemini. And they said that they played 21 war games against each other over 329 turns. And no model ever chose to surrender. 95% of the time, they all chose to use nukes.
Kind of like humans, in a way. I mean, really. Let's see. Shia LaBeouf ordered to rehab after he posted a $100,000 bond over Wild Mardi Gras Bender, where he apparently punched two guys. I just feel like this guy needs help.
He just needs help. They need, and the paparazzi need to stop taking pictures of him. This is from the Guardian. I'm not going to be able to say this first word. How do you say this?
Aya. Ayahuasca. Ayahuasca. How did you know that? They said it's a ayahuasca psychedelic DMT shows promise as depression therapy.
They're in a phase two clinical trial, it says here, and they found that. Uh did they throw a chip into me? Which is one of the psychoactive components traditionally used in the Amazonian psychedelic ritual, might be promising therapy for depression. There is a pharmaceutical company that sponsored and designed the trial, and they said the results published in Nature this month. They had 17 participants that got the DMT compound, 17 that got the placebo, and everyone got psychotherapeutic support.
But two weeks after the injection, participants who got the DMT had a greater reduction in depressive symptoms than those who received placebo. It's being hailed as a great way, a great thing for vets too. We have a ton more to get into. Stick with us. I always say this: like, I can't believe how much, how people have such a lack of self-preservation.
But if you don't think you're in threat, Then you're not going to preserve.
So, they obviously didn't think that having Cash Patel or having Trump on the phone was a threat.
So, they're cool with it. But that's why you don't put yourself in this position. Because to have the President of the United States on the phone and he's like, hurr, her, her, her, her, it's hard not to be like, hurr, hurr, hurr, hurr. You know, like you get yourself wrapped in this moment.
So for me, the choice point is like. I would have never as a Captain or a leader on my team. I think you can say the same. I think that would be clear to our staffs and to the larger organization and like support staff. Those people would never be allowed in our locker room.
Why does Megan Rapinoe look like Ethan Slater? That's Ariana Grande's boyfriend. She broke up his marriage.
So she could sleep with a guy who He's very, he looks like Megan Rapinoe. Just saying, he does. Welcome back to the program. Top of the second hour. Is that was that bitch masking, mm bitch ma maxing?
Yeah. It definitely was. What is, hang on, I'm gonna look at something up. I gotta. Or is it just bitch mocking?
I don't know.
Jester mogging is like looks mag maxing. We're still figuring this out. Jester maxing, that's over.
Okay, so she's like bitch maxing for sure. Uh Right. No cap. That's right. We're going to use all these words until they're out of style.
We're going to ruin them. We're just going to ruin all these words. It sounds like somebody's ordering a very difficult coffee. It's Starbucks. Whenever I hear this, yes, I would like a half-frat gesture mugging, bitch maxing, you know, aura-fulfilling no-cap.
Like what?
Okay, foam? I don't know.
With whip? I don't know.
But she does. She looks like Ethan Slater.
So Megan Rapinoe is, they're still going on about the hockey. I can't. I think right now one of the reasons why it's going on endlessly is because I think they're trying to hurt their chances of getting endorsements. And sponsorships. That's why they keep going on.
Uh she is she said that Megan Rapinoe. Who wasn't the best player on Team USA, and she definitely wasn't even the best soccer player because she got beaten into a hole in the ground along with the other broads that were in their mouths by a bunch of high school boys here in Texas.
So yeah. But and she also believes, now that she's had her time in the sun, she thinks it's okay for men to come and take over women's sports. She Was mad because remember when they were in the locker room after They won. And Cash Patel had the phone. He called the president from the locker room.
First off, they invited Cash Patel into the locker room. That's number one. Number two, He called POTUS. And POTUS invited them to the State of the Union. And then he goes, Well, I'm going to invite the women's team too.
And then he is like, I'd be so impeached if I didn't do that. And then he kind of laughed and people laughed. And everyone is saying that it's sexist. You're morons. They're saying that it's sexist.
It's not sexist. He's Let me explain this for the people who read with pictures. He's Talking to the men's hockey team. The women's team aren't in the room there because the women's team didn't play the game, because it was just the men's team. It was the men's.
League, and it was the men versus men's team for the men's portion of hockey. For the Olympics.
So it was only the men's team that was in the locker room because it was only the men's team that played the hockey game, right? And so Trump Was talking to the men on the phone who happened to be in the locker room because they just played in the men's game and they came into the locker room where the men were changing, where the women's team weren't because the women's team weren't playing, because it wasn't the women playing. And He's like, not to forget the women. Goodness, if I forgot them, they'd impeach me. He wasn't being sexist.
He didn't say, I didn't invite those dumb broads. He didn't say anything like that. I think these are people who just want an axe to grind. They're a bunch of killjoys who cannot stand to see other people's success and they want to tear them down. That's what this is.
Megan Rapinoe and her Ethan Slater looking ass need to shut up. I am so tired of hearing this. She looks like a reject dwarf from, you know, Snow White and the seven angry butch lesbians. I'm so tired of it. All this woman does is gripe and complain and nag, nag, nag all day long.
Every time there is a sound bite, it is Angry Megan Rapinoe. Oh, she's angry about something. What's Megan angry about today? It's not a day that ends in Y if Megan doesn't wake up mad. Golly!
She said they ruined their gold medal win. They made themselves look like clowns. You're in an ill fitting sock hat and you look like Ethan Slater. Please tell me what other people look like according to your esteemed opinion, Megan. Jimmy Christmas I'm just so tired of this.
Why does she look like she should be working on a damn shrimp trawler? I just can't. And then she said that She goes She wouldn't have invited Trump in the locker room. What? She wouldn't have invited him in.
Of course he wouldn't. She wouldn't have had him there. She wouldn't have had she wouldn't have invited him. She would not that's the one thing she would not have done. Or she wouldn't have invited FBI Director Patel.
This is 13. She wouldn't have invited him in. I always say this, like, I can't believe how much. How people have such a like a lack of self-preservation, but if you don't think you're in threat, it is like. I would have never as a captain or a leader on my team.
I think you can say the same. I think that would be clear to our staffs and to the larger organization and like support staff. Those people would never be allowed in our locker room. Why would they want to go in your locker room? You don't win.
That's for winners, Megan. You're a loser. You don't win. So you don't get to say stuff like that. It's really easy to be the loser and say stuff like that.
I'm just so tired of these. I am so tired of these. I am so tired of it. Let these men have their moment. I women, this third wave and well, the fourth, this is really fourth wave stuff.
Fourth wave stuff is the trainee accommodating. Oh, I'm not don't don't gatekeep my language. I'll cut you. It's the trainy accommodating nonsense that's that attacks women. And they hate men.
They don't even like to see men succeed. At all, whatsoever. They complained about even the Medal of Honors that were given at the State of the Union. They complained about hockey. They got so mad.
You know something. The women won gold, the men won gold. Why is it, I can't believe I gotta explain this again. Why is it a big deal that the m that it's the men's team?
Well, let's see. It echoes the whole miracle on ice 40 plus years ago. And a lot of the guys who were there, and some of the guys who played on gold medal winning teams later, their kids were playing that gold medal game. They were playing that night. That's why it's significant.
That's why. And it was a hell of a lot more. The end was more dramatic than the women's. Their final match. It was more dramatic.
That's just the way it is sometimes. Stop acting like fate is the is the consequence of fate is somehow everyone else doing something, you projecting your hatred of men onto other people.
So tired of it. I was just I was glad to see their happy little Busted tooth grins. It was so nice. They were so happy, and they should be, and they should be proud. Imagine shaming people because you're jealous of their wins.
She's not getting any endorsements or anything, and that's why she's like lashing out. And she's trying to poison the pool for others. How unbelievably sad is that? It's so sad. I don't know.
I just, I can't. It's um I don't know. And then there's this Canadian Canadian media goes after Uh Brady can chuck for That I why do they keep calling it the Trump joke? They act like it's this big sexist Trump joke. They were in the locker room.
You guys remember this? And Trump said, Yes, I have also invited the women's team. And he's like, Yeah, if I, you know, I'd get impeached if I didn't. Because he's there in that moment with them where the women aren't. Why do we always have to act like, oh well, the women's team should have pride of place even during games where they don't win or even during games where they haven't even played?
Stop it. This is Canadian media. This is CUD 11. Listen to this.
So stupid. It was just fun hanging out with them after, you know, picking their brains. They're picking our brains. And it was just fun to be around them. Why would you laugh when they got invited?
Oh, bitch, be quiet. I don't really have an answer. Honestly. It was just a whirlwind of a moment that like you can't really control what somebody says and and um It just... I guess caught off guard a little bit, but I mean, when you're talking to the president, 10 minutes after you just achieve your dream, it's it's Just the fact that you're talking to them, it's.
I mean, this is so stupid. How dare these people? Lorraine says the women's team was just as dramatic. It's fine, but the men's team, you're talking about 40 years after Miracle on Ice and a lot of the guys who had played previously, they had their kids there. There was like a couple of different levels of historical touch points that made it to where people were really watching it more closely and there was like a score to settle.
There was a little bit more of a score to settle there. I think this is so stupid. I would I part of me wanted to see him take that microphone and shove it down her throat, but that's me.
Well, why would you laugh? Why do you think it's why what what's wrong? What do you think is wrong with this situation? I would have turned it right back on her and have gotten so aggressive and in her face. What do you think is wrong with the situation?
What should the reaction be, Canadian reporter, in your opinion? How dare you, Canadian reporter, you foreign press rat bastard. What would you have done? What was wrong about it? There was nothing wrong with that joke.
And in fact, It actually makes me want to be sexist, the more I hear broads nag about it. I actually want to be mean the more I hear them nag. It is annoying. I am so done with this. Can we play that, just that joke part?
Because He's like, yeah, I'll pick you guys up. He's talking about us in the military plane, pick you guys up. Oh, I'm gonna get the women too. I'd be impeached. He wasn't being sexist.
They're saying that this is like some sexist abomination for which the men's team must be dragged. and subjected to public humiliation. It is r it's it is inexcusable. I feel bad for these guys. They can't even, they don't even get to enjoy their win.
I feel bad for us as a nation. We don't even get to enjoy their win because we have these harpies screeching at us. It's so annoying. Listen to this.
This was not sexist. Here's the joke.
Well, we're gonna get it. By the way, you goalie played not bad. How are you doing, Dad? I have seen hockey goalies have slightly worse games. Unbelievable and you remove unbelievable.
And and that team is pretty good you play. I don't know.
I don't even get any time soon, right? You know, I tell you what, I just told my people two minutes ago, I didn't know they'd be calling. I said, we're giving the State of the Union speech on Tuesday night. I could send a military plan or something. But if you would like to, it's the coolest night.
It's the biggest. We're in. Yes. Can you pick us up in Miami on Tuesday morning? Go to the Northern Borders.
We'll get cash and we'll get the military to get you guys out. That's awesome. It's just awesome.
Now, how? And he's like, Yeah, you know, I got to get the women, or they'll impeach me. How is that a sexist joke? It's not. It's a rhetorical question.
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