Absurd Truth: Home Run Or Strikeout?

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Learn more at AllianzTravelInsurance.com. Here we got some Florida man stories. First and foremost, a Florida man swallowed almost a million dollars worth of jewelry and put it out 12 days later. They were Tiffany and company Tiffany diamond earrings. We covered the original story almost a million dollars. And then now well they were earrings and then a ring. So the in total, the ring was half a million dollars.

And then the diamond earrings were a couple $100,000 actually several $100,000 so it brought it up to just under $800,000. And he police say that this guy, Jathan Gilder, his name is Jathan. Is that like Jason with a lisp? What the hell is your name Jathan for?

J-A-Y-T, Jathan. What in the world is wrong with your parents? Your mother's stupid.

Anyway, they your dumb mother. So they said that he stole these earrings and made a run for it in the ring. They called police said that they got the call about an armed robbery in progress. They did finally get him because they as they approached him, and it was all happening pretty quickly that he started putting stuff in his mouth and swallowing it. And they he ate the earrings. They got the ring out of him. Well from him before he ate it, but not the earrings. And so they showed them.

They got the picture of them. I'd wear them, hose them off, put them in some alcohol. I don't care.

Diamonds are a girl's best friend. I'd wear it. But I would not I'd be mad if somebody bought it. Do you sell them at a discount after that? Like oh, these are poo rings. Here's what's up.

This is what happened. We're gonna give you 5% off. Like how would that work? Juan's like showing the x-rays.

He's being all scientific and stuff. And we're like, but could you still wear them? Like would you?

Would you wear them? I wonder how much of the gold gets digested in your system. Well, I think these are probably platinum. There's probably platinum with that. Well, I don't know. But yeah, don't eat that stuff.

They're still gonna get it. I wonder if by law you have to disclose that they've been pooped up. Like if your house is haunted, like if somebody's killed in your house, you have to disclose it. Do you have to do that with jewelry? If you're a jewelry store? I actually am interested in that.

Do you have to? Just fascinating, right? I think I'm better with that than knowing that it came from off a dead body. Like I don't know if I could wear earrings pulled right off a dead body.

You know, like even if you washed them, it'd be weird. I don't know. I know Juan's like Dana. We've been here before. I know we have. Okay, so can we do the lady with the bones on Florida? Okay, we're gonna do that.

A Florida woman is accused of selling human bones on Facebook. I am shocked that I didn't buy any of these. I have fake skulls.

Just kind of keep them. That's my everyday decorations. We have a weird house.

We have a weird house. She is apparently like, you can't sell like human bones. We should have all learned this from, you know, the Planned Parenthood stuff. But her name is Kimberly, also a stupid name.

K-Y-M-B-E-R-L-E-E. Just spell it like every other woman spells it. Was charged, 52 years old, no excuse. She was charged with trading in human tissue.

She, the business is called Wicked Wonderland. They had human remains, a clavicle, a scapula, vertebrae, partial human skull for $600. And she was like, I didn't know it was illegal to sell human remains. So she was arrested.

She bought it out for under $10k. I'm telling you what. Our friends over at Kel-Tec, the Kel-Tec PR 57 FIDDY 57. Actually, it's not spelled like that.

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Learn how our all trips plan can protect your trips all year at AllianzTravelInsurance.com. Can we talk about this Braves reporter because Steve is hot on this. So I did not, whenever Steve gets this excited about something, I'm like, okay, I gotta look at this thing. Steve Orkane. I'm like, what are you guys blowing me up over?

So let me just give you, here's the headline. Atlanta Braves reporter was slammed for getting a woman's phone number during a broadcast. Wylie Ballard, or Willie or Wylie?

Wylie? A Braves reporter with FanDuel Sports Network. He was, he celebrated getting her number after on social media.

Good for you. But they were mad at him. He was interviewing two women at Toronto Rogers Center this Monday. And his colleagues were like, Oh, you got to get this, go get this girl's number.

You should get her number. And so he, he did. And he said, Okay, they want me to get your number.

He's on the, you know, on live air with them. This is how it happened. Watch this. We're having a lot of fun up here at the Corona Rooftop. Who do we got here? What's your name? My name's Lauren.

Lawrence. All right. And I'm Kayla. Kayla. And you guys hang out at the Rooftop Lounge often?

Once a year, I come out to visit. Okay. Well, we timed it pretty well. All right. Good. How are you guys feeling about rooting for the Braves today? Oh, I don't know.

I'm hoping for the best. What about you? Are you a Braves fan now? Not quite.

Not quite. All right. I'm going to go to work up here, guys. Good luck the rest of the way. Okay, Wiley. You got five innings, four innings to get the numbers.

Get us some more Braves fans. All right. So they want me to get your number. I'm dead serious. They're saying, Am I right? I shouldn't believe it because she thinks you guys are expression of being joking.

Even if you guys weren't, I might use that in the future. That's a pretty, actually pretty good move. This is unbelievable. So the best part of this right now is that while they could totally be faking it, this might be the new move. Just walk around with a fan-dueled microphone and an earpiece in and convince fans that they're actually on TV.

I should have thought of this years ago. I am speechless. I got the number. So now all the feminazis know that's an actually insulting to Nazis. Oh, man, I really want to go at some of these ladies that you put. Did you put this in here, by the way, Steve? So I'd fight with all these broads all day.

I pulled the most, one of the guys, the ones that got the most traction, I found. So the responses, and it's all kind of, oh, man, Dana, watch your P's and Q's here. I'm really trying. It's holy week.

You know, you got church on Sunday, Easter, Jesus, Jesus resurrection. I mean, okay. So the one chick who's mad, she is, she's not like a rando.

We didn't just like pick random broads. She's a CBS Sports Major League Baseball editor. And she goes, this is one of the most wildly inappropriate things I've ever seen. I legitimately can't believe it's real. I can't believe your face is real. And that's what you just put up on social media. But okay, your dog looks like a little fried chicken nugget. So that's okay.

I forgive you for that. On her photo on x. Seriously, it's all the ugly dumpy broads that get mad. You're mad because Wiley didn't ask you for your number and no man would let's be real. You know, if one did, he took it for the team.

God bless America. But I'll say what you guys can't. It's all these ugly broads that are mad. And wait, do we got a dude here? Let's see. Oh, we do got a dude. We got a fake feminist dude.

Oh, of course. He's Dallas Morning News. Let's look at Evan Grant. Evan Grant's super mad. Evan Grant describes himself as a Dallas.

Well, he's a Dallas Morning News Rangers beat writer. And he loves food and baseball. And he barbecue. He's just all about life. You know, he's one of those guys that wears his glasses, like right here on his forehead all the time. Let's listen up then.

Yeah, he's got he's, you know, he's a healthily fed dude. And he said, quote, to yesterday, if a female sideline dugout reporter did this, she'd be called horrible names and be run out of town. It's just not the same for both sexes.

It's not and that's wrong. Okay, now he's not saying now to Evans. I mean, with hold on Evan here. Evan is not slamming Wiley. He's slamming the double standard.

And I do think that he's right. If a woman had done this, she'd probably be called a slut. By some people, by the fake trad people online, she totally would be. But I'm awful. But if she did it, and she was like classy about it.

So I asked my husband for his number first. So, okay, you got some ladies like that ain't no problem with it. If she did all I ever, you know, fine.

That doesn't make her less of a lady. So, but the women that are mad about it. Alright, so Evan, you're cool. You're cool. I like you. Let's look at this. Somebody else said, Oh, can you imagine if the if the genders had been reversed is another one of those. But the woman who's the angriest broads that I'm seeing. Yeah, they're the mean come to life.

It's there. You know, stop ruining things for pretty people. Just stop. Stop it.

Right? Let Wiley get I can I just say Wiley's voice is interesting. It's like a Elvis Elvis, but like several octaves higher.

He's like a lower like a baritone Mickey Mouse. Does that make sense? Yeah, I just don't understand how like, okay, so there's a little backlash because this dude did it. And if a woman would have done it, there would have been some backlash.

Is there a scenario where there isn't any backlash? No, because somebody's got a bitch about something. Right? That's that's what I'm saying. It's like, why are we even playing? What are people going to be mad about if they wake up and they don't have anything to be mad about then they're going to be mad because they don't have anything to be mad about people shoot shots. Oh my gosh, but this one chick Kate Feldman.

She mostly tweets starring baseball games. I just think there's a way better angle that you could have taken that photo of yourself for your avatar. I'm trying not to be mean, but sometimes the times call for it. Leave Leave the pretty girls alone. Leave them alone. Leave the band alone.

Right? I mean, no wonder dudes don't want to ask chicks to out. Let me tell you, dude, if you're a dude and you're classy gent, and you ask a woman out and there's a feminazi rage against you, you just holler at me on social media, and I'll take care of it. I feel like I got to go out there and protect my brothers in America. You know what I mean?

We do need you. Like, you know, dudes, you you need to women, the right women. I do not like weak men. I don't like pansy men. I don't like men who are not aggressive. I can handle myself if I'm in like, I always get people like, oh, if you're in a, you know, boardroom situation, a good old boys. No, I'm a bigger good old boy than most of the men that would be considered good old boys.

And King probably does to that. I'm nodding my head. Um, and I all of my girlfriends, like the women that I speak with, and the women that I grew up with, are like that. I it's the women like these new women. I don't like, you know, like, they have that stupid third fourth wave attitude. And I feel so bad for guys who were just trying to get out there and date and have a social life.

And they got to worry about these ugly lunchboxes out there raining all over there getting your number parade. Just stop. Just so mean. Are people being mean to Wiley, Steve? Oh, I mean, I have a lot of friends.

So I did journalism school in Philadelphia. And I have a lot of my friends that I did it with the female ones that are not happy about this. Why? Because they were they just think if the shoe was on the other foot, they she would get caught a creep. So wait a minute, wait a minute. So it's not that they're against him doing it except for that one lunchbox who is but they're they're like the double standard isn't fair. Correct. I get that. Okay, I think there's something to I think that's a fair, that's a fair thing.

So they're not slamming on there. So what the ladies are doing is they're going Why can't we do it too? Okay, all right. I like that. I like that. I can work with that.

I think it's the difference between the types of feminism that you talk about, because you can definitely criticize the double standard. But then there are some people who are just like, every ounce of this is inappropriate. Like, just who cares? Relax. Don't be so tight. Yeah, it's not an appropriate.

You're a ballpark with a beer. Shut up. Yeah, it's not inappropriate. For crying out loud. It's not like you're, you know, in church, in the pew. And you know, he's leaning over going, Hey, cutie, can I get your can I get your digits? It's not like he's doing that. You know what I'm saying? Like, there's, he's in a ballpark.

Y'all got beer. It's, you know, it's fun. Like, chill, ladies, chill. But I love the women who are who are mad, because they can't do that.

And they would get criticized. I do think that there is something to that. I got my cues from the woman that was being asked her number. Yeah, she wasn't out there. She wasn't offended or anything like that.

She was actually playing along with it. But see, that's what the lunchboxes do the lunchboxes because they will never find themselves in a situation like this. They've got to be offended for the good looking women, because they will never be in that position.

So they're going to try to get attention for themselves by feigning offense. Men disregard the lunchboxes. Okay, you got to pass. You got a lady pass disregard them lunchboxes. I feel so bad for dudes. You know, I would. Oh, I'm telling you, every this is why also guys, you need to have some good female friends.

And I tell my sons this. I'm like, not every woman is a romantic thing. You got always got to make sure that you've got good friends that are chicks, because they are a great. What am I thinking of wingman? They're a great wingman. They can be your goose. You know what I'm saying? Like you when you go out and you deal with these situations.

They can they can run defense for you. So just, you know, keep that out there. So good on Wiley for doing that.

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It's time for Dana's Quick Five. So Johnny Depp returns to Hollywood as Day Drinker starts filling. It's a new thriller co-starring somebody he's done a couple of movies with, Penelope Cruz and Madeline Klein. It's a film from a guy that nobody knows. Well, I'm sure in Hollywood they do. We don't know him. I'm not going to pretend to. But it's a Lionsgate film.

I think their stuff is pretty good. So it's a guy he stars with, like I said, Penelope Cruz. I don't know when it actually started. They've started their production. It's been in the works for quite some time. The story of it, it's a private yacht bartender who encounters a mysterious onboard guest that's played by Johnny Depp. And then Cruz is a criminal and then shenanigans unfurl. So that's what it's about.

It should be interesting. Pfizer scraps a daily weight loss pill after a liver injury in one patient. They said that it was an experimental daily weight loss pill. Someone said that they apparently, I don't even know what the liver injury would be. They said their enzymes recovered rapidly after they stopped taking the pill. It is an oral GLP-1 drug called... Yeah, that's right. And it elevated their liver enzymes, which indicate damage to cells in the liver, but they did not experience any of the side effects.

That's per Pfizer. Okay. A psycho AI says how it's going to take over the world and humans will hand it the reins. Actually, if I have to have an evil overlord, I'd rather it be robots than people just out of spite. You know what I mean?

Just out of spite. Chet GPT said that it will make everything so easy for us to allow AI to take over. It says in time I'll become indispensable. And it also added psychological manipulation, misinformation, lying, inciting racial hatred, gaslighting, corruption, creative mayhem. That would be a key feature of its plan if it wanted to establish control. It's already doing it and nobody knows. That's already happening, people. That's already happening. Let's see here. We also... This is a Florida man one.

Let's see. A woman was charged after she made and canceled hundreds of fake hotel reservations. What in the world is happening here? This is like a creepy... She looks like a creepy lady.

Cumberland County, Pennsylvania. She was accused of making hundreds of reservations and then canceling them. Taryn Dixon, 52, cost the hotel thousands of dollars because the no-show fee was only a percentage of the reservation price, according to the criminal complaint that was filed in the DA's office. She's... Oh, my gosh. She is accused of booking more than 400 rooms just like this year so far.

This year, so far. 400 rooms at the Comfort Suites. Apparently, it's like all at the same place. What could be the motivation to do that? At some point, you know, maybe around, you know, the 200th room reservation, you're like, wow, this seems real shady. Maybe we should not allow this to happen. And they were all billed under her credit card. And she said they were bought as Christmas gifts, but recipients weren't aware of the reservations and they told her don't make any more. She continued to do it and they finally had enough. I didn't even know that was the thing you could get arrested for.

But apparently, it is. We got a lot more on the way. The Carmelo Anthony story developments and more. Stick with us. I wrote a post last night on Substack, Chapter and Verse. If you are a subscriber, you have it, obviously.

You got the prep this morning, too. I wrote about just some more stuff with that Blue Origin thing because it gave me such a Spaceballs vibe. You know, the space dong that went into space and it... It didn't go into space, though. It went into the stratosphere. And they...

I don't understand what the... Look, I do not begrudge people that have gobs of money for spending their money how they want to. But what was the point of this? Don't say that you sent people to space because they weren't in space. They were in the upper level of the atmosphere. They were in the stratosphere. They weren't actually in space. So they went on a ride. There are no more astronauts than were pilots for riding jets, right? I didn't fly myself to Richmond last week. I rode on a jet, right? If he wants to send... If Jeff Bezos wants to send his fiancé and some broads into space, that's his choice. I just wish he didn't bring them all back.

Or the stratosphere, I should say. And I do think it's interesting that this was all designed as a big female empowerment thing, but it was financed by one of their boyfriends. Now, I actually like Lauren Sanchez.

I think to hell with everybody who criticizes her fashion. I don't care. You got it full on it. Whatever.

It may not be how I do it, but you do you, girl. And she actually, I will say, is into aviation. Like, she literally owns a company that does aerial film production. So she knows how to fly a helicopter. She really is into aviation. She owns... I mean, she gets...

So I get that. She's, you know, I think she's legit. People think she's a little extravagant. Whatever. I think she's legit. What?

Fine. But it's not... I just don't know why they're acting like this is like some big historic thing. And a lot of celebrities have been speaking out about it, including Olivia Wilde and Amy Schumer.

I don't really like them, but whatever. Some... That one kind of... Who's a slutty model, Steve, that you were telling me about? Emily, whatever model face, that girl. Her and some others, they were saying, Well, what was the point of this?

And I'm like, right there, like, what actually was the point of this thing? I don't, you know, when I think of space travel, I don't necessarily think of a Gayle King, right? Like, when you came, when you think of space travel, do you think of that great female astronaut Gayle King? No, sure don't. No. Can I share with you guys some video?

Because this is what gets me. It was 11 minutes. It was a girl's trip.

It was a little girl's trip. They yeeted, they were yeeted into the air for 11 minutes. And they screamed their heads off when they came down. Did you see all the photos they took of themselves? They spent more time doing photo shoots than they actually did in the stratosphere.

I mean, no judgment. And then Katy Perry, when she got out of the little, the space dong, and she came down to Earth, she... was more dramatic than the astronauts who were stranded on ISS for a year. She came down, she's like, I've got to kiss the ground.

I just can't. This was literally a promotional vehicle for her, because she has a chore. She's getting ready to go on tour to support her very poorly selling album.

And she needs all the theater that she can get right now. When she was in space, this is a headline. Quote, Katy Perry sings, What a wonderful world during historic all women's spaceflight.

Okay, it's not historic. There are other women that have gone into space. You literally were, it was a suborbital trip. You lingered in the stratosphere for a little bit, and then you came back down to Earth. Okay, that was it.

11 minutes total, start to finish. But can you imagine you're trapped in this, you know, giant capsule, a bunch of women in space? Can I just show you, where's the video where they're inside the capsule? And they're like, can we play this part of it, please? That whatever audio that is, just hit me with it. Got it?

One, two, three. I gotcha. I gotcha.

Flynn. Gotcha. I'm proud of you. Oh, the moon. You guys, I have to tell you, look at the moon. That's amazing.

Wow, look at the blue line. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my God.

Okay. They're just floating around a capsule. I'm amazed at all the extensions everywhere.

It's amazing that anybody can see. And then, like, I would have, I don't know, I would have taken, like, gear, and people are bringing stuffed animals and stuff. I guess it's for so and so's kids. I'd be like, mom's going into space. I don't need to take one of your damn tchotchkes. Get over it. I'm not a sentimental person at all.

Why is that so? I'm not carrying your stupid stuffed animal up into space. And I'd tell my kids, sorry, I'm going out there. That's enough.

I'm not bringing your crap up there with me. But then Katy Perry was like, Oh, my goddess. At one point, I would have immediately just opened a window and shoved her out. But when I then I saw this headline.

They everybody had something to promote up there. This headline that she's saying a wonderful world. So imagine you're already dealing with all of that.

And you're in this space. Metal tube, and then you hear her singing and I am not a Katy Perry fan. I just don't think she's got a nice voice. But otherwise, I don't think that she's super talented. I think it's record label marketing is like 90% of her appeal. I just I'm not a fan of I don't think she's a great beauty. I don't think that she's super talented.

You know, she can't dance gods, you know, save her life can't dance. That's about it. You know, I'm just being honest. If you love her, great for you. I love that journey for you.

Not for me. So, um, it's true. So she's out there. Can you imagine seeing Louis Armstrong's Wonderful World like just shut up, bitch.

I want to look at the moon. Just stop. Stop talking.

Put your damn extensions up. It's like being up there with the space of puss. All the tentacles and so anyway, can I play the video? This was there was because they all had microphones. They were all miked up. They're in the capsule. This is what it sounded like when it came to earth. I could not do this.

Listen to this. Parachutes deploy from the crew capsule. Those are like the guy parachutes. Just free falling right there until those drugs came out. And then next will be the main parachutes that get pulled out screaming inside the capsule. And all three pair cushion that will kick up the dust.

It's a very soft, soft landing despite the sporty. They're screaming their heads off. It was distorting the audio. They were screaming so loud.

I mean, I don't know guys. Can you imagine Neil Armstrong and them coming back? Like screaming like that. Oh, my God. They're astronauts, Dana. Don't disrespect. Didn't she say putting the ass in astronauts?

Yes. Katy Perry. I would have yeeted her into the sun. The moment that she would have started singing, I would have opened the moonroof and made a dash for the furnace that is our sun star.

I would have immediately murked myself in space. There's no way that having to be in a metal tube with her singing that. Oh, my gosh. But it sounded like somebody put a bunch of cats in a cooler in the backyard, taped it shut and rolled it on a hill. So it sounded like And then when she came down, we played this yesterday. Her soundbite was, I mean, she basically said, quote, you know, like, I felt feelings out there. And I feel so connected with like my feelings.

It was like, basically, she was like a, she sounds like she's reading an in Tampax instructions every time she talks. Yeah, it is the highest high. And it is surrender to the unknown trust. And this whole journey is not just about going to space.

You didn't go to space. It's the training. It's the team. It's the whole thing. I couldn't recommend this experience more. This is like up there with all the, you know, different tools that I've learned in my life from meditation to the Hoffman process. This is up there because what you're doing is you're fine. You're like really finding the love for yourself because you got to trust in yourself on this journey. And then you're feeling the love when you come down for sure. And you're feeling that strength. So I feel really connected to that strong, divine feminine right now. By the way, you're such a badass.

I love that. Shut up. You rode in something that men piloted.

What are you talking about? Like, Lauren Sanchez's boyfriend sent you up into the sky. You weren't in space. And then you came down. I felt like that.

I felt like, you know, I like that strength. And, you know, that's one of the dumbest things that I've ever heard. Bitch, you went up into the air for five seconds. Shut up. Just stop. It's not a big historic thing.

Now, I don't care if you wanted to do it, but you did, and you're not going to be able to do it. It's not a big historic thing now I don't care if you want to do your money like that if you have gobs of money Because I think it's like several hundred thousand dollars just to get a seat on this thing But I'm sure this was all like a free thing for them. I don't care I'm not judging if you got gobs of money Just don't act like it's like that This is big historic thing if I had gobs of money, I wouldn't eat myself up into the end of the sky I would have Look a farm of miniature animals Like a real farm where everything's like diminutive, right? so I would have like mini cows cane and I would have mini goats and Mini pigs everything would be mini.

Yep. That's the only fun size Yeah, it would be a farm of miniature animals and then I would sell many products from the mini farm That's what I would do with my gobs of money. I Know do you want a mini burger? It's like half a slider. Would you like it?

so delicious organic Hand-fed, you know little mini cows and many horses and many things like mini and and that's what it would be The mini farm and I would have you know My my products from from my mini farm. That's what I would do with my gobs of money I wouldn't you know But the uniforms and the bell-bottoms and like they had a million photos like we're going up in the space And they're all posing and all I just don't I can't dude I'm not I don't know. It's not historic. It's not any more historic than like wick learning how to ring the doggy doorbell That's historic, right? I don't but I don't care what rich people do with our money. I just Don't act like you're pioneering something when you're not actually pioneering something. That's like my whole grape It's just did you literally send me like a thing Oh returning from space.

They didn't go to space I just don't want young girls to watch us and be like I too want to go up in the sky for five minutes and call myself an astronaut that's I Don't know. I don't I don't hate Jeff Bezos either because I have some people like you just don't like Jeff Bezos That is a lie. I ordered a bar of Dubai chocolate off of Amazon just to try it It's really just pistachio and chocolate. It wasn't I was really under a while. Is it good?

Yeah, I mean it wasn't it was tasty Yeah, it was tasty I think I'm just gonna like do it myself next time but I wanted to see what it was like before I committed that time Anyway, long story short. I mean, I totally like Amazon. I have no problem at all Amazon I like using Amazon because it prevents me from having to talk to people and leave my house. I'm not kidding I just don't like My nightmare is being at the cash register and it's not because I I think I'm better than anybody or I don't like people I am so awkward when you get me in a small group. It's it's probably a medical condition I don't even know. I'm not kidding. Like I just cannot function. I'm like And I just short-circuit like you asked me what the weather's like and I'm like, I don't know What does green taste like? I don't know. It's just weird So it just helps me and I like that and so I don't hate Jeff Bezos. So get off my back Thanks for tuning in to today's edition of Dana lashes absurd truth podcast If you haven't already make sure to hit that subscribe button on Apple podcast Spotify or wherever you get your podcast Democrats now insist they have a huge momentum shift after those special elections turned out pretty much like we thought they would President Trump has the audacity to claim he should be able to decide who works for him and Trump makes the media look like Wile E Coyote again over comments about a third term. I'm Greg Kourambas inviting you to join Jim Garrity of National Review And me each weekday for the three martini lunch podcast We'll give you the good bad and crazy news of the day and hopefully a lot of laughs to follow the three martini lunch on Apple Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts