What Do I Tell My Friend Who Has Been Hurt by the Church?

After being hurt by the church, my friend has stopped going entirely.

What can I say to encourage them? That's just one of the questions we'll be answering on today's edition of CORE Christianity. Hi, this is Bill Meyer, along with Pastor Adriel Sanchez, and this is the radio program where we answer your questions about the Bible and the Christian life every day. You can call us right now with your question. Pastor Adriel is waiting to talk to you at 833-THE-CORE.

That's 1-833-843-2673. You can also post your question on our Facebook or Instagram account, and you can email us at questions at corechristianity.com. First up today, let's go to Madison in St. Louis, Missouri. Madison, welcome to CORE Christianity.

Hi, thank you so much for taking my call today. My question is really just how to encourage another believer who has stopped going to church since COVID hit back in March. And to them, they did not agree with their church's decision to shut down. They didn't feel like it was, you know, the biblical thing to do.

They wanted to continue meeting. They had been hurt by the church before, and for them, this was kind of the last straw. Ever since then, they've kind of just held on to this bitterness against the church. They think that, you know, churches that meet only online are not glorifying God because, you know, what it says in Hebrews 10 25 that we should not neglect in meeting together. And so I just want, you know, some good, I think, just in truth and love, how to encourage this person about the importance of being plugged into community, and also just the importance of, you know, seeing that bitterness and that unforgiving spirit and, you know, trying to kind of tackle that with truth.

Madison, I really appreciate this question. One of my big concerns as a pastor was with everything going on in 2020 and the ways in which different churches, our church even, was responding to things. It was one of those times where it's an opportunity, I think, for people to fall out of fellowship. All the routines have changed.

What's so normal just sort of seems like it was thrown out the window, especially for the first few months. And so, you know, how is the body of Christ going to respond and how are individual churches going to respond? And there has been a lot of controversy in the church and frustration. I know that there are members within churches who, you know, they think, oh, we should have opened earlier or why are we even meeting to begin with those kinds of things. I always encourage people to be as patient as they can with their pastors, to be praying for them, and to have conversations with them.

But you're right. I mean, based on passages of scripture like the one you mentioned in Hebrews 10, also in Hebrews chapter 3, gathering together with the people of God is really, really important. It sounds like your friend recognized that, but based upon, you know, the response of her church, now no longer wants to meet with the people of God. And especially when people have a history of being hurt by churches, I think there can be just a lot of baggage that causes us to respond.

It sounds like the way your friend is responding. One thing I would say is, first, recognizing that Jesus is still with his church. I mean, he made it very clear, Matthew chapter 16, I'm going to build my church and the gates of hell will not prevail against her. So while individual churches, you know, can go astray and make poor decisions, doesn't mean that they're not true churches, first and foremost, if they preach the gospel faithfully and if they're administering the ordinances that Jesus gave to the church. That's how we determine whether or not a church is a true church or not. But Jesus is the one who builds his church and he's present and working in the church through the means that he's given to us. And that's what we need, each and every one of us.

That's what your friend desperately needs. And so it makes no sense to cut yourself off from that because you realize that the church makes poor decisions. Now, you also want to be sensitive to the fact that it sounds like she's really been hurt. And I think one thing that you can say is Jesus understands how you feel like no one else. Jesus can sympathize with people who have been hurt by the church.

I mean, just think about this. When Jesus was on earth, when he was doing his ministry here on this planet, he was constantly mistreated by religious authorities. They mocked him.

They mocked his mother, suggesting that she slept around. You see that in John 8, verse 41. They accused him of performing miracles by the power of Satan in Matthew 12.

They accused him of all sorts of terrible things. I mean, even when he was being crucified, they continued to mock him. Jesus knows what it is to be abused by religious authorities, to be mistreated by the church.

And because of that, he can sympathize with your friend. And he calls us, as broken sinners, to be a part of faithful gospel preaching churches where he's still at work. He's not at work in the church because the church is perfect and the church is holy. There is no perfect church. The church is only holy insofar as she's connected to Jesus. So it's really important for your friend to be in the church. Now, some churches that are abusive and that have gone so far astray that they no longer preach the gospel, I would never say be in a church like that. But churches that are struggling to be faithful to Jesus and to preach the word, we need that.

We need that kind of community. And so I would encourage your friend by saying, hey, look, reminding her of the fact that Jesus is still working in the church and also that Jesus can sympathize with her. And may the Lord bless you as you have those conversations and seek to be a good friend, a good Christian friend to this sister. Thanks for your call. Madison, thank you so much.

And we do appreciate the fact that you are reaching out to this friend and trying to encourage her in these challenging times. Let's go to Ann, who's calling Core Christianity from San Francisco. Ann, welcome to the show. Hello.

Hi. I'm calling in regards to my marriage. I want to know if my marriage is lawful to God. I mean, I can think of what Jesus says in Matthew chapter 19 related to marriage, and they're talking specifically about divorce.

I think this is actually a really important text for us to hear today. It says the Pharisees came to him and tested him by asking, is it lawful to divorce one's wife for any cause? And he answered, have you not read that he, that is God, created them from the beginning? He made them male and female and said, therefore, a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, let no man separate. In marriage, God joins two people together.

It really is this amazing thing. It's this creation ordinance. We see it at the very beginning of the Scriptures, and it's not meant to be broken. Now, it seems to me, based on various passages of Scripture, that there are things that legitimately dissolve a marriage and can dissolve a marriage before the eyes of God. Jesus is going to go on here to talk about adultery, cases of infidelity. In 1 Corinthians chapter 7, the apostle Paul talks about death, right?

If somebody is married and their spouse dies, well, then they're free to go and be married to whoever they want, Paul says, so long as they're in the Lord. And so is that what you were getting at, Anne, in terms of marriage? Yes. Yes.

That's what I was trying to find out. I wanted to find out if it was lawful to God to be remarried. Yes. And like I said, I think that there are certain instances that the Bible gives us where we could say, yes, remarriage is... I mean, certainly we would say death, right? Paul says that in 1 Corinthians 7. It's also alluded to in the book of Galatians. So if a couple is married and one of the spouses dies, then the other spouse is free to go on and be married. And then I think here in Matthew 19, the other thing that we see is the cases of adultery and fidelity. There are other things too that we can think about. This is such a complex issue and it really is important when we're thinking about these very important things as believers, our own marriages, that we have the insight of other Christian brothers and sisters who know us really well, who are a part of our lives, who know our spouses and can speak into the situation.

I mean, it's one of those things. Sometimes we get calls and people are asking, is it okay for me to be married or to be divorced? And the reality is, is you need the people who know you really, really well, who know your family and who love the Lord and who are godly, people in your church who are speaking into these kinds of things as well. So I want to encourage you to speak with your pastor and the leadership in your church too with these kinds of questions, because it is so important that we get as much wisdom as we can when we're thinking about these things.

And may the Lord bless you. This is Core Christianity with Pastor Adriel Sanchez. And if you have a question, here's the number to call. It's 833-The-Core.

That's 1-833-843-2673. By the way, you can listen to Core Christianity anytime and hear previous episodes by subscribing to our podcast. Now, if you subscribe and leave us a five star review on your podcast app, even more people will hear about the program, have a chance to learn the core truths of Christianity.

So we would encourage you if you listen to podcast to check us out and give us that review. Let's go to Danielle from Choctaw, Oklahoma. Danielle, welcome to Core Christianity. Hi, I have a question about I was saved.

I know for a fact as a child. I've had that peace that passes all understanding and I've been recently trying to get right with the Lord realizing that you know, we are coming towards end times and I'm wondering I've been I feel like I've been attacked by Satan but like I'm wondering can you ever lose your salvation? I've just been doubting that like because you know, God says you're wrote in the land book of life, but can your name be taken out for anything like apostasy or anything like that? Like I feel like for a second when I was upset at God, I said I almost didn't want to be and I stopped myself and I was like, no, that's not true. Like, you know, I'm happy to be a Christian.

I've just haven't been walking the right way. Well, Danielle, I'm really glad that you called and and the question that you have is a question that we get oftentimes, you know, can I lose my salvation? Am I really in the Lord? I know that there are so many sincere Christians who struggle with this and I mean, I've shared this on the broadcast before I struggled with this as a newer Christian really wrestling with me. Can I lose my salvation? Did I lose my salvation? I don't really feel the presence of the Lord like I used to or like I did when I first started walking with Jesus.

And I think a lot of times the reason people struggle with this is because we're focusing too much on our feelings. Do I feel the Lord? Do I not feel the Lord?

You know, that kind of a thing. The promise of the gospel is that if you are in Christ, if you have trusted in Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins that you are saved filled with the Holy Spirit, sealed by the Holy Spirit. Now, that doesn't mean that there aren't times in your life where you're going to, you know, where you where you might not struggle with sin and even have really difficult seasons. But the beautiful thing, Danielle, is that the Lord never lets go of us. He continues to work in us by his word and spirit, strengthening us, drawing us closer to him.

I just think of, you know, Luke 15, for example, you have the parable of the prodigal son. Even when we wander, even when you wander, Jesus pursues you. He chases you down by his spirit, by his grace.

He continues to do that. And so I think what would be really helpful for you is if you realized more and more that your salvation is fully in the hands of God. That even when you sin, you don't fall out of the grace of God when you fail or when you fall short, but that he still holds on to you. And there's this wonderful verse, I think, in the book of Romans, Romans chapter eight, that really highlights this.

Paul says Romans chapter eight, verse twenty nine, for those whom he foreknew, he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his son in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers and those whom he predestined, he also called and those whom he called. He also justified and those whom he justified. He also glorified. That is, if you are justified, if you've trusted in Jesus, you're justified by faith alone. You're also going to be glorified. You're not going to fall away from grace. And again, that doesn't mean that you're going to be sinless and perfect.

No, we still struggle with sin day by day as Christians. But our hope is that the one who began that good work in us is going to bring it to completion, that he's the one who holds on to us. He's the one who holds on to you, Danielle. And even when you sin, he doesn't let go of you. And so, may the Lord comfort you with that word. And when you're struggling, when you don't feel like, you know, I don't feel the presence of the Lord, run to his word. Run to his word and to the promises of the gospel, to the fact that he says in his word, if you've confessed your sins, I'm faithful and just to forgive you and cleanse you of all unrighteousness.

Now, let me ask you one last question, Danielle. Are you in a good church where you're hearing the word of God preached every week? No, I, well, I'm going to start attending my mom's church.

That was sort of my problem for years. There's not stuff for my age, but I just want to ask, do you think anybody can ever lose their salvation? Like, if there's any sin too great, like apostasy, or if you think that's just for non-believers?

Yeah. Well, so I would say what apostasy proves is that a person wasn't truly saved to begin with. And I think that the evidence that we see for that is in the book of 1 John, where actually there was a group of people that, you know, John, excuse me, is writing to this church, and people had abandoned, had left the church, had essentially committed apostasy. They were no longer walking with the Lord. And John, I think there, makes it very clear that those who left, what they did is they demonstrated that they were never truly of us.

They were never truly a part of the community, because if they had been a part of the community, they would have continued on with us. And so I think someone who is truly saved, Danielle, born again, by the grace of the Holy Spirit, doesn't commit apostasy, that the Lord works in them. They might sin, they might struggle, they might fall out of church attendance for a time, but at the end of the day, God is continuing to draw them in, and they're preserved.

They're preserved by the Lord. And so, no, a true Christian cannot lose their salvation. And as one who has been saved, as one who trusts in Jesus, Danielle, get in a good church where you're hearing the Word of God preached faithfully, and where you're going to be continually encouraged to grow in your faith and to keep going deeper into the Scriptures. I think that'll help you, and even your own sense of assurance as well, just being a part of that kind of community. So may the Lord bless you.

Danielle, we pray that you will find a good church to get plugged into right away where you're hearing the Gospel on a regular basis, and you really sense that assurance of your salvation. And Bill, can I just, that verse that I was referring to in 1 John 2, it's in verse 19. John says, They went out from us, but they were not of us. For if they had been of us, they would have continued with us. But they went out that it might become plain that they all are not of us. And then John says, But you have been anointed by the Holy One, and you have all knowledge.

And so it's really important, I think, that we understand that distinction. When somebody abandons the church or commits apostasy, it's not that they're losing their salvation, it's that they really weren't of us, and that's what John says. You're listening to Core Christianity with Pastor Adriel Sanchez, and if you are a regular listener to our program, we want to let you know we aren't supported by a particular church or denomination. We actually depend on people just like you to keep the show on the air. And if you believe in what we do, we'd like to invite you to join what we call our inner core. Yeah, the inner core is a part of the core team. You're helping us to continue to produce this content to get the broadcast out there, really ultimately with the goal of building people up in the Christian faith, getting back to the core doctrines of Christianity that we all need to hear over and over again, fundamentally the gospel, so that we might be encouraged, so that we can have hope, confidence in the things that we believe in.

So help us to do that. You can join the inner core with a monthly donation of $25 or more. And we have exclusive content for inner core members, videos that we put together.

I mentioned yesterday, I did an interview with my friend, theology professor, Dr. Michael Horton, where we talked about why so many young people are leaving the church today. That's the kind of content that we offer inner core members. And so join the inner core. You'll also get a copy of this book, Core Christianity. We'll send it to you. And so we'd love to have you partner with us and please continue to keep us in your prayers. To become an inner core member, you can sign up with a recurring donation of $25 or more and receive that exclusive content, some regular videos, some devotionals from Pastor Adriel, and some great materials from all of us here at the core.

And here's what you do. You go to corechristianity.com forward slash inner core. That's corechristianity.com forward slash inner core. Or give us a call at 833-THE-CORE. Again, that number is 833-843-2673. Let's go to Glory, who's calling in from Modesto, California. Glory, welcome to Core Christianity. Hi, thanks for taking another call from me.

I appreciate it. My question is, you know, as a new newer Christian coming over from Catholicism very recently, I did find a wonderful church here in town. We attend. We do singing worship about 15-20 minutes. We crack open the Bible and dig into God's Word and listen to the pastor talk about the passage as it relates to things going on in the world today.

And it's amazing. My question is, you know, in my research of Christianity, I see that there are so many denominations of Protestantism. I don't even know if I'm saying that correctly, but I'm just curious as to as to why and you know, how do I know that? I am, you know, becoming part of I guess the right denomination is one. Yeah, I don't even know actually what denomination the church is that we've found. I just know that I appreciate that. It's so biblical.

So but other than that, is there a resource you'd recommend to get to know? Well, I would say in terms of getting to know and one glory keep calling. We love your questions and I love that you're growing in the faith and it sounds like you've got plugged into a great church and really I mean a church where they're opening up the scriptures and explaining what the scriptures are teaching that is so key. We go to church to hear the word of God, to hear God speak to us, not to not to, you know, get a just an entertaining show or that kind of thing. We need that voice from heaven week in and week out.

We need to be reminded of the fact that God forgives our sins because it's easy for us to be weighed down throughout the week. You know, when I show up to church on Sunday, I mean, I have to be there. I preach every Sunday, but when I show up, I need the word just as much as everyone else does. That word of comfort and assurance and in terms of finding the right church. How do you know that this church is a true church or where do you find the true church? We say fundamentally is the word of God being taught because God uses his word to create the church. Paul said in Romans chapter 10, faith comes by hearing and hearing through the word of Christ.

It's the word of God that creates faith in our hearts. And so if the word is not being expounded upon, if it's not being preached, explained, proclaimed, there is no church. There's no church. There can't be a church. You can have a fancy building.

You can, you know, get all dressed up and do those kinds of things. But at the end of the day, it's the word of God that creates the people, the church of God. And so is the word being faithfully preached?

It sounds, Glory, like where you're at that the word of God is being preached. And then are they worshiping like Jesus said we ought to worship? You know, the ordinances that Jesus gave, baptism and the Lord's Supper is their prayer singing. As you mentioned, you know, these are the elements of Christian worship. And this is what the Christians have been devoted to since the earliest days of the Apostles. You see this in Acts chapter 2 verse 42 where it talks about, you know, the early Christian community being devoted to the Apostles teaching, to the fellowship, to the breaking of the bread, which is probably a reference to the Lord's Supper and to the prayers. That's what Christian worship looked like in the book of Acts and that's what it ought to look like today.

A focus on the apostolic doctrine and faithfully, you know, doing the things that Jesus calls us to do. Now, why are there so many Protestant denominations, you know? Well, because we're still sinners. Because despite the fact that God's word is clear, our hearts are darkened, our understanding is darkened.

We often reject even the clear teaching of the word of God. And so there are divisions and oftentimes those divisions are rooted in pride. And let me just say, oftentimes, you know, people in the Roman Catholic Church will say, well, we're the true church because we don't have divisions and you Protestants, you know, 10 million denominations, that kind of thing. But the reality is, is even in the Roman Catholic Church, there are divisions. There's all sorts of diversity just like you have in Protestantism.

It's just sort of dressed up a little bit better. The fact of the matter is there are going to be divisions this side of heaven because we're sinners. And at the end of the day, glory, there's only one church. There's only one church. It's all those who have faith in Jesus Christ, who are united to him, who cling to the gospel. We're one body. We might be in a different denomination, but if you trust in Jesus Christ by faith, you're a part of the church.

The church, the people of God. And so that's something that we take hope in. And one day when we're in the presence of the Lord, there aren't going to be any more divisions.

All the fog, all the cloud is going to be gone, and we're going to see clearly. Paul said in 1 Corinthians 13, now we see in a mirror dimly. But then, in the presence of the Lord, we're going to see face to face. And the divisions that plague us and have plagued the church since the very beginning. I mean, Paul talked about it in the book of Corinthians. There have always been these divisions. Those divisions will be done away with.

Gone. But brothers and sisters, first and foremost, we need to make sure that we are in churches. That you are in a church, and Gloria, it sounds like you are. That you're in a church that values the word of God. That preaches the word of God. That it's not about, hey, let's just do whatever the culture wants, people outside. Let's just entertain people.

No. We need to hear that voice from heaven week in and week out. And so I'm so glad that you do that, Gloria. And may the Lord bless you as you continue to walk with Jesus. Thanks for listening to CORE Christianity. To request your copy of today's special offer, visit us at corechristianity.com and click on offers in the menu bar. Or call us at 1-833-843-2673. That's 833 the CORE. When you contact us, please let us know how you've been encouraged by this program. And be sure to join us next time as we explore the truth of God's word together.