Can Disciplining My Child Provoke Them To Disobedience?

The Bible tells us not to provoke our children, but how do I know I'm provoking my child instead of disciplining and instructing them? That's just one of the questions we'll be answering on today's edition of Core Christianity. This is Bill Meyer along with Pastor Adriel Sanchez, and this is the radio program where we answer your questions about the Bible and the Christian life every day.

That's 1-833-843-2673. And you can email us with your question at questionsatcorechristianity.com. Well, you've probably heard the old expression, fake it till you make it. A new study from researchers at the University of South Australia has confirmed that the very act of smiling by moving your facial muscles can trick your mind into being more positive. In the study, which was published in the journal Experimental Psychology, the researchers had subjects hold a pen between their teeth, which forced their facial muscles to replicate the movement of a smile. And they found that, yes, forcing yourself to smile actually generates more positive emotions.

Try it out. I feel like the whole cheesy smile thing, man. I don't know, Bill.

When you get up there, Adriel, you're behind the pulpit. Do you just do the cheesy smile thing? I don't. Maybe I should start doing it. Spread the happiness around.

No, I don't do that. It's so funny because when we were first starting this radio program, Bill, I remember producers helping us out and saying, when you're talking, you have to be smiling because you can hear the smile through the radio. And I actually think that's true.

I mean, you really can. Am I smiling right now? What do you think, Bill? I don't know. I'm holding a pen to my teeth right now. It's making me smile more. Maybe take the pen out of your mouth.

OK, thank you. Let's get to our first question of the day. And this one came in from Alison.

She sent us an email. I accepted Jesus many years ago, but I still sin. How will I make it to heaven when I still sin? I do not always perfectly obey. What if I'm not close enough to God? What if I don't read my Bible and pray enough or have enough good works?

Wow. Alison, it sounds like you believe that in order to get to heaven, you have to attain this level of obedience. I mean, you even use the word perfect obedience.

And actually, in some regard, you're right. I mean, that's what God requires. That's what God's law requires is holiness, is perfection. And when Jesus preached his Sermon on the Mount, it was really amazing. You have to imagine how shocked everyone must have been because so many people there thought, yeah, I do an OK job keeping God's law. But Jesus talked about how ultimately the law is not just about what we do externally, but even what's going on in our hearts. If you look at someone lustfully, you've already committed adultery. If you have anger in your heart toward a brother or sister, it's as if you've committed murder. And so everyone there was probably thinking, wow, we thought we were doing pretty good.

We really don't do that well. And I think all of us who want to faithfully follow Jesus come to grips with that reality every day. God, I want to follow you.

I want to serve you. But I still am battling with sin. That's just going to be a reality for our whole lives, this side of heaven, Alison. I mean, John said in 1 John, if anyone says they're without sin, they're a liar and the truth is not in them. So one thing you're going to have to realize is this side of heaven, sister, you're going to have sin still. There's this battle that's taking place between the flesh and the spirit. Paul talks about this in Galatians chapter 5, really highlights it in Romans chapter 7, where he talks about how the things I want to do, I don't do, and the things I hate, those are the things that I do.

You wretched man that I am, Paul said there, who's going to deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ. Alison, our hope is not in ourselves, in how well we do and how often I read my Bible and pray.

My hope, the only hope that I have, the only hope that you have, is in Jesus. And when we look away from ourselves, from our obedience, from how much I've read the Bible or how perfectly I've obeyed God's rules, when I look away from myself and I look to Jesus, that's the only time I can rest. That's when I'm comforted because, sister, as you know, when we look within, what we find is indwelling sin still. Now, that doesn't mean that by the grace of God, you know, the Spirit isn't working in our lives day by day to sanctify us, to put to death those sinful desires and sinful actions. No, I mean, that's the beautiful thing about Jesus is he saves us, he justifies us by faith, and then he begins renewing us internally by the grace of the Holy Spirit day by day. But that's a process, and it's not a process that's going to be complete until we're in the presence of the Lord, glorified, new bodies at the resurrection. Until that point, we're still going to fight with sin. And so, sister, accept the fact that you're never going to be perfect this side of heaven. Accept or embrace your sins, but realize that we still live in this fallen world, that we still have these sinful inclinations, these sinful desires, and we take those to the Lord. And we receive his grace, his mercy, his forgiveness. I just want you, Allison, to rest in Jesus. It sounds like you have to be exhausted. You look within, wanting to do better, wanting to find comfort from the fact that you're obeying and you're reading your Bible.

At the end of the day, that's not where you're supposed to look for comfort. Turn away from yourself and look to Jesus and receive his grace, his mercy, his goodness. And in light of that goodness, pursue him, pray to him, read the word, serve him, not in order to earn salvation, but because he's already given it to you through his work on your behalf. The message of the gospel is so freeing. And, Adriel, one of the exciting things about this program is that on a regular basis, we get to help people understand that the work has been done for them.

They don't have to do it themselves. What a beautiful gift. It is such a beautiful gift.

And let's just be honest, it's easy for all of us to slip into that mentality, isn't it, Bill? God loves me. He loves me not. He loves me. He loves me not. And usually it's on the basis of how I'm doing today. Oh, man, I haven't read my Bible in a couple of days. I just, I don't know.

I don't know, you know, I don't know if he still loves me. Oh, no, we have to look away from ourselves. And I remember even as a new Christian, that sort of insane burden of feeling like, oh, man, if I don't read my Bible today, I'm condemned. And I would wake up early in the morning and just feel like I had to do this. And it was such a chore.

And it was so works-based. I wasn't just resting in Jesus. It's not that there's anything wrong with duty and doing things even when you don't feel like doing them. I think it's important to have these disciplines in our lives. And I think it can be very, very helpful. And I want to encourage that. And yet at the same time, that's not where we put our hope. That's not where we rest. And if it is, we're going to be exhausted and we're not going to find any peace.

But you can find peace looking to Jesus and resting in His work for you. And that's what we want to do. And as you said, Bill, that's what we get to encourage people to do all the time. This is Core Christianity with Pastor Adriel Sanchez. Our number, if you have a question for us, is 833-THE-CORE.

That's 1-833-843-2673. Let's go to a call we received from Jean. I'm calling because I want you to tell me what Paul means when he says about my gospel. And it's all in 2 Timothy chapter 2 that he talks about that.

And I never hear preachers preach on it or anything. So I'm just curious as to what does he mean by that. Thank you very much. Hey, Jean.

So glad we could get to your call. And what an excellent question. Because you don't hear people talk about that very often. What is Paul talking about when he says, My gospel? Is his gospel different than Peter's gospel? James' gospel? Jesus' gospel? Do we each get to have our own gospel?

Oh, no, not at all. Now, the verse you're referring to is in 2 Timothy chapter 2, verse 8. Remember that Jesus Christ of the seed of David was raised from the dead according to my gospel. You also see this in the book of Romans. Romans chapter 2, verse 16. In the day when God shall judge the secrets of men by Jesus Christ according to my gospel. And then later at the very end of the book of Romans, I think this is an important verse to bring into this discussion and thinking about your question.

Romans 16, 25. Now to him that is able to establish you according to my gospel and the preaching of Jesus Christ, according to the revelation of the mystery, which was kept secret since before the world began. There again, you have this language of my gospel. Now, one thing that we have to establish right away is that Paul, like I said, is not talking about his gospel as opposed to James' gospel or Peter's gospel or that kind of a thing. I think what he's highlighting here is the fact that he received the gospel directly from the Lord by a revelation. Now this is something that he brings out in the book of Galatians in particular because there were people that were questioning his preaching of the gospel. They were saying, there was this group, we refer to them as the agitators in the book of Galatians, they were saying that his gospel wasn't really a legit gospel, that he wasn't a part of the apostolic company. If you remember, right, how did he receive the gospel? He received it directly from Jesus when Jesus knocked him off of his horse and called him into the ministry. And then he heard the gospel proclaimed, preached, and so he even went to Jerusalem on one occasion to talk about the gospel that he received directly from Jesus.

And they were all in accord. Paul, together with the church at Jerusalem, they agreed on the reality of the gospel when he refers to the mystery. He's talking in particular there, he highlights this in the book of Ephesians, of the Gentile inclusion. The fact that through the gospel, the good news of what Jesus has done for the forgiveness of our sins, not only would Israel be blessed, but all the nations would be blessed.

God is welcoming in Gentiles into his family, his covenant family. That's a part of what was revealed to the Apostle Paul, and that's what he clung to as he continued to preach the gospel that was revealed to him by Jesus Christ. And so, what is the gospel? The gospel is the announcement of what God has done in Jesus Christ to redeem us from our sins through his atoning death, his life, his resurrection from the grave, his ascension into heaven. That's the good news of the gospel.

It's what God has done, and that's what Paul is proclaiming all over the place. When he talks about it being his gospel, he's highlighting the fact that he received it directly from the Lord by way of a revelation. And he's also focusing on this idea of that inclusion of the nations into this wonderful family of God to receive that message of salvation. The good news for you is, that means that the gospel is for you.

You listening. It's not just for the religious Israelites, it's for you. Whoever you are, what Jesus did applies to you. He calls you to believe, to receive, to embrace the goodness of the gospel.

Gene, thank you so much for your question. We appreciate hearing from you. You're listening to Core Christianity. I'm Bill Meyer with Pastor Adriel Sanchez. Adriel, we have a great Bible study that we are offering our listeners today. Can you tell us a little bit about that? Yeah, we're sharing our popular Bible study, Core Christianity 101. You can download it at our website free of charge.

Why? Because we want you to have a strong foundation as you grow in your faith. This is a great study to go through with a group of friends or by yourself. It's a 10-week study that covers 10 of the most important topics Christians need to understand today. And again, it's free.

Download it for free. Head over to corechristianity.com forward slash offers to download Core Christianity 101. You know, I'm thinking about it. If a person goes through this study, chances are they're going to probably know more than about 90% of the people in the pews in America right now. When it comes to the faith, I just think it's such a powerful and important study.

Yeah, that's right. And of course, you know, we don't go through it just to know more than other people. We go through it to know God, to have a relationship with him that's grounded in the truth of his word. And that's what we want to encourage. The reason we dig into Core Christianity 101 or theology or even just the Bible on this program is not so that our heads can get puffed up.

It's so that our hearts might grow in affection for Jesus, for who he truly is as he's revealed himself in his word. And so get a hold of that resource today. By the way, you can call us for any one of our resources at 833-843-2673. That's 833-THE-CORE. Let's go to another question that came in. Adriel, this one was from Amani who posted on our Instagram account. And Amani says, in Ephesians 6-4, Paul tells fathers not to provoke their children.

What does this look like? How do I know that I'm provoking my child instead of disciplining and instructing them? Yeah, I mean, this is a really important passage of scripture. I mean, not long ago, we received a question from someone who was trying to encourage a friend of theirs who had been brought up in the church.

But really just kind of in an abusive household and Christianity was treated as a weapon to strike fear into this person's heart. And so someone reached out to us saying, how can I encourage this individual who's been in this really horrible situation and had this kind of upbringing? We have to be aware, as fathers in particular, and I'm a dad, I have four kids, we have to be aware of how it is that we're teaching our children and instructing them. And we have to be conscious of the fact that we can, if we're not careful, provoke them to anger if we're being harsh, if we're being heavy-handed, if we're not disciplining them in the instruction of the Lord, but if we're disciplining them based on some other sort of principle. And let's just be honest, it's easy to get frustrated when you're parenting.

Bill, I know you have kids too. Having children, it's sanctifying, right? I mean, it helps you to see all those areas of selfishness in your own heart. And I think one of the things we have to be careful, Amani, in our parenting is that we don't let our own frustrations bleed through and as a result, respond harshly, sinfully toward our children. I think when we do, that's when we begin to provoke them. And it has a negative, an adverse effect.

And instead of guiding them in the discipline of the Lord, in the care and comfort of God's Word and His truth, we are frustrated and angry. And that's coming through. There's a lot of practical just sort of things I think that we can say here.

And Bill, I want you to chime in too, because I know you work with families as a counselor. One thing that I would say is be careful that when you discipline your children or instruct them, it's not out of a place of frustration and anger. And that's when you'll tend to be heavy-handed. Sometimes we have to back up and say, okay, I need to get centered.

I need to fix my eyes on Jesus so that I can lead my children and encourage them in the Lord. And that doesn't mean not correcting. That doesn't mean not disciplining when they disobey conscious disobedience.

But it does mean doing so in a way that's honoring to the Lord, that's gentle. We have to be so careful because there is the reality of abuse. Now, Bill, you're a counselor and you're also a parent. I know you have insight into this.

I'd love to hear your thoughts too. Well, I think you mentioned how important it is to be calm before we discipline. And that's not always easy, because as you said, sometimes we are frustrated, we are angry, we do things in the heat of the moment. And so maybe just to take a little time out yourself as a parent to say, okay, what do I want to say right now?

How do I want to say it? And one of the other things that I think is very biblical is the appropriate use of consequences. You know, the Bible does say we reap what we sow. The Proverbs is full of all these commands. You know, if you live this way, this is going to be the consequence. The wise man does this, the fool does this. And so I think there's a tendency on the part of some parents, including myself at times, to talk and talk and talk and get more and more frustrated when in reality, what we should be doing is using a clear consequence.

There's one psychologist who says, act, don't yak, which I think is really well said. So to be able to say, you know what, we've discussed this, and this is your consequence for this misbehavior. And to deliver that consequence again, in a firm but calm way, I think that goes a long way in nipping our own frustration in the bud.

Yeah. And wouldn't you say also, Bill, that consistency is so important for us to consider as parents, as fathers, because if there are consequences sometimes, but there aren't consequences other times, then it becomes really confusing. I think that's one of the ways we can confuse our children and make them angry, provoke them, in a sense. And so I think part of it is, you know, taking a step back in grace, in love, in humility, always disciplining out of love.

And I think that's important. That's one of the things, the principles that you see also in Scripture, referring to God's discipline of His children in places like the book of Hebrews. It's always out of love. It's always from this place of kindness, love, wanting the best for His children, so that we are not meant to understand God's anger and hatred when we're disciplined or that kind of a thing, but His love for us in keeping us. Are we communicating that as we're instructing our children, as we're correcting them?

It's from this place of love, and we want to be consistent. It's not just the job of the pastor at your church or the youth pastor or the Sunday school teacher to teach your kids about God. It's your job, too, as a parent.

It's primarily your job as a parent. It's one of the things that God calls us to in the home to be leading, guiding, instructing in the truths of God's Word, and that's why it's so important for all of us to know those truths, isn't it, Bill? Yeah, you know, the last couple weekends, because of coronavirus, our church is not meeting, so we've been watching this really great pastor online named Adriel Sanchez. You ought to check out his sermon suit. Couldn't resist. No, and our kids are really asking great questions based on your sermons, Adriel, so kudos to you.

That's awesome, and it's a great opportunity. I mean, those are the kinds of things you want to do, I think, in the home, is to talk about the Word. That's a part of how this instruction happens. Amani, hopefully there's some practical nuggets there for you, not responding in anger, not responding in frustration, taking timeouts for yourself at times to be able to say, Lord, in my instruction, in my discipline, help me to communicate your love, your goodness, your truth, the truth of your Word, and creating those contexts in the life of your family where you are sharing the truth of Scripture with your children, training them up in the truth of God's Word. That looks like praying together. That looks like reading Scripture together. That looks like singing songs together to the Lord as the faith is instilled in their little hearts, and God uses faithful parents to do that as a means to do that. So may the Lord bless you and your family, Amani. I appreciate your question, Amani, and even the very fact that you're asking that means that you're really giving it a lot of thought, and we appreciate that so much. This is Core Christianity with Pastor Adriel Sanchez. We have time for one more question.

Emily tweeted this to us. She said, 2 Corinthians 5.21, what does it mean that Christ became sin? Other places in Scripture affirm Jesus was sinless and that he was God, so I'm having a hard time understanding what Paul is saying here.

Yeah, 2 Corinthians 5.21. I'm glad that we're taking this up at the end. What a great way to end the program just meditating on this beautiful verse, Bill. For our sake, he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him, that is in Jesus, we might become the righteousness of God.

Emily, this is the great exchange. This is our sins imputed to Jesus. Now, what do I mean by that? I mean credited to him. It's not that Jesus becomes sin, as if he's being transformed into the substance of sin or something abstract like that. It's that legally, if you will, before the judgment seat, Christ is bearing our sins, the punishment that we deserve. They're being credited to him so that he stands before the Father in our curse, in our sin.

I mean, Paul talks about this also in Galatians. Now, he's perfect. He's holy. He's pure. He's not transformed into the substance of sin, but he's bearing our sins, the penalty, the curse, the judgment that we deserve.

But it's a great exchange. He doesn't just take our sins. We receive his goodness, his righteousness, his mercy. For our sake, he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him, we might become the righteousness of God. Now, how is it that we become the righteousness of God?

Well, again, it's credited to us by imputation. We receive as a gift the righteousness of Jesus Christ by faith so that we stand before God justified, whereas Jesus stood before the Father on the cross as a condemned criminal. Now, we know he wasn't a sinner, and he was vindicated. He rose again from the dead, ascended into heaven, but he bore our punishment on the cross so that we might receive his righteousness justified, even though we are guilty sinners. And so the way you don't want to understand this is in the sense that, you know, I think sometimes people can read, you know, Jesus was made sin, and they think, well, what if that he's transformed into sin or something weird like that?

No, not at all. Think of it just in terms of the legal analogy. He's bearing our sins, the punishment for our sins. They're credited to him, to his account, and his righteousness is given to us, credited to us, so that we might become the righteousness of God in him. That is the very gospel that we proclaim, Emily. That's the good news of the Christian faith. It's that even though we're sinners, we can be justified, not because of what we've done.

It's like the question that we answered at the very outset of this program from Alison. It's not because of our perfect Bible reading. It's not because of the amount of time that we pray. It's not because of our perfect obedience. It's because of Jesus's perfect obedience and that given to us by faith in his name. Thanks for listening to Core Christianity. To request your copy of today's special offer, visit us at CoreChristianity.com and click on offers in the menu bar or call us at 1-833-843-2673. That's 833-THE-CORE. When you contact us, please let us know how you've been encouraged by this podcast and be sure to join us next time as we explore the truth of God's Word together.