How Do We Move Forward When Pastors Commit Sexual Abuse?

How do we move forward when pastors commit sexual abuse? That's just one of the questions we'll be answering on today's edition of CORE Christianity. So, call us now at 1-833-843-2673. Now, you can also post your question on one of our social media sites, and as always, you can email us at questions at corechristianity.com. And, Adriel, before we get to our phones today, I wanted to share a really kind email we received.

This is from a new member of our inner CORE support team, and it says this. Congratulations on your five-year anniversary. I deeply appreciate Pastor Adriel's biblically-based responses, always citing scripture and or solid biblical doctrine. The compassion and understanding which he often expresses have been a role model for me on how to respond to those who are hurting, as well as to those in need of the truth spoken to them in a loving, winsome, uncompromising way. May the Lord continue to richly bless the CORE Christianity team for your good, our good, and his glory. Isn't that beautiful? Amen. Yeah, that's super encouraging. Thank you for reading that, Bill.

I mean, we say it all the time. It really is a privilege. We feel like it's a privilege to get to do this, and so grateful that people are encouraged. And I was just thinking, one of the things that he points out there, or he or she points out, is the fact that you present biblical truth, but you always do it in a caring, loving, pastoral way. And I think that behooves all of us, especially in this day and age where there's so much vitriol, there's so much conflict, that as believers, we want to set a different example. Yes, don't compromise on, you know, God's truth, but make sure we package it in a way that's caring and acceptable and loving. Well, let me, yeah, so let me give a quick pastoral, right, three points, alliterated, how to engage with others, clarity, conviction, and compassion.

That's what I like to think about when we're doing, you know, on the broadcast gate. We want to be clear in illuminating the text of scripture. We want to have conviction, right? And sometimes, Bill, people don't want to hear what the Word of God has to say, so it's not always going to be accepted by people, but we want people, you know, to at least know what it is that they're rejecting, if they're rejecting God's Word. So clarity, conviction, but also compassion. I mean, how many times have we had someone on the line who's really hurting for one reason or another, and so wanting to get to the heart of whatever the issue is and to apply the Word of God, that's our desire. And so, you know, we're so appreciative for all of our listeners. Please pray for us that God would enable us to do that and to encourage you.

Amen. Well, we'd love to hear from you if you have a question about the Bible, the Christian life, doctrine, theology, something happening at your church that you're concerned about. Here's the number. It's 833-THE-CORE. We also get voicemails at CORE Christianity. You can call us 24 hours a day, leave your voicemail on our system. Here's a voicemail that came in from one of our listeners named Brian.

Got a question. I've been reading this in the Bible, and I've got an issue with a family member. Am I reading correctly in the Bible that there are three types of forgiveness, God's forgiveness, man's forgiveness, and forgiving ourselves? I've got a situation with my sister-in-law that has for years been accusing of things that I have no idea where the information and these things are coming from. But I know it's unforgiveness, I know it's bitterness, and I absolutely know the way I know why. And my question is, outside of prayer, what exactly do you think I could do to get her to open up and share with me what's going on with her because I have no idea? I appreciate your feedback on it.

Yeah. Well, I'm sorry to hear about the situation, Brian. I mean, the first thing I would want to say is God's forgiveness is ultimate, and God forgives in a way that no one can. I mean, God pardons our sins, but that forgiveness that God has given to us relates to the forgiveness that we extend to others. We forgive others, those who have sinned against us, out of that great mercy that God has shown to us. It should make us generous with forgiveness, and I know that this is something that many people have an issue with, but how we relate to others, our willingness to forgive and to pursue relationships, to pursue reconciliation, especially within the body of Christ, is an implication of the Gospel. We who have been forgiven so much, we who had a great mountain of sin that testified against us, and God pardoned all of our sins through His Son, Jesus Christ, how are we going to withhold forgiveness from those who have sinned against us, even those who have sinned against us in small ways, or great ways, all right? But at the end of the day, it's recognizing the great forgiveness we've received, we also extend to others, and Jesus makes that clear in various places. Matthew chapter 6, we're taught to pray, forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors, and then he says in verse 14, if you forgive others, their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others, their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. And so those forgivenesses, we might say, are related, they're interlocking.

And so the other thing I would add, though, and just with regard to the situation that you're in, you know, how do I get this door open again? It sounds to me like there is some issue, there's some offense that's been taken. Now, maybe you truly gave offense in some way, and there's something that you need to confess and ask for forgiveness for, or maybe there's something that you did and it wasn't really wrong, but this person took offense. In any event, I think what you want is clarity, and so being humble and going to someone, you know, if somebody has something against you, Jesus says earlier in Matthew's Gospel, in Matthew chapter 5, if you know that they have something against you, go to them, seek reconciliation, seek to be restored. That's so important for us within the body of Christ. And so I would encourage you to humbly say, look, I know that there's something wrong, and I can't put my finger on it, but I don't want our relationship to be this way, and this is not how it ought to be, especially if she's a fellow believer.

Can you help me understand what's happening? Is there something that I've done where I need to confess sin and say, you know, forgive me? Boy, I mean, how often, even for us as believers, do we do things without even noticing at times and realize, okay, that hurt this other person, and so we need the help of others as well to come alongside of us and to point out at times where we've fallen short. And so I think having that attitude of humility and pursuing reconciliation within the family and asking those questions, being inquisitive, is important.

I think you said this was your sister-in-law, and so maybe starting with talking to your brother could be helpful, and you mentioned prayer. I mean, obviously continuing to pray as well that the Lord would bring peace in this situation. So, Brian, God bless you, and thank you for reaching out to us. Let me ask a follow-up question, Adriel. Let's say you go to that person who somehow has been offended, or you believe they've been offended because of the way they're responding to you, and you humbly say to them, look, if I've done something that somehow hurt you, or if I've made some error in our relationship, I just want to ask for your forgiveness, and they say, nothing's wrong.

What do you do then? Such a hard situation, and I'm familiar with situations like that. I think you do everything that you can as a Christian to live peaceably with people, but sometimes people on their own, they have an issue that they're not willing to dig into to deal with, and there really isn't much that you can do in those situations but continue to pray. You don't want to twist their arm.

You can't force anything, but that hopefully will give you a little bit more clarity and freedom to say, okay, it doesn't seem like the issue is with me. It's not something that I've done, so I can have a clear conscience here, and that'll transform hopefully the way that you're praying for this person. Maybe it's, Lord, help them to have a soft heart. Whatever it is that's beneath the surface there that's leading to this tension, this division, God, would you please soften their hearts and bring peace and forgiveness and repentance on their part if that's what needs to happen, and so it can change how you pray for them. Really good counsel. Thank you for that, Adriel. You're listening to Core Christianity with Pastor Adriel Sanchez. If you have a question about the Bible or the Christian life, something happening in your Christian walk that you are concerned about or need prayer for, give us a call. 833-THE-CORE.

That's 1-833-843-2673. Let's go to Robert calling in from Missouri. Robert, what's your question for Adriel? Hi. Hey, Robert. Hello.

Hi. I have a question about qualifications of an elder. My question is they need to be the husband of one wife, and I'm not sure what that means, whether they've been married before or never been married, or do they have to have a wife? What would you say that would be interpreted as?

Yeah, thank you so much for this question. So Paul, 1 Timothy 3, the saying is trustworthy. If anyone aspires to the office of overseer, he desires a noble task. Therefore, an overseer must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, sober-minded, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, not a drunkard, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money. He must manage his own household well with all dignity, keeping his children submissive, for if someone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he care for God's church? And so your question is, is someone who isn't married, qualified to be an elder? And I think that the answer is, yeah, I think that you can be an elder in the Church of the Lord Jesus Christ and still not be married. The real issue is if you are married, if you have a family, do you care well for your family?

Are you an overseer of your home, if you will? If you're not, well, then that would disqualify you from being an elder in the church because you've dropped the ball there. But certainly throughout the history of the church and even in the New Testament, you have individuals who weren't married like the Apostle Paul who were overseers in the church who served in that capacity. And so now with regard to the desire, so we oftentimes will say, okay, there's two parts to this. There's that internal calling that you feel, right?

What Paul talks about there in verse 1, the aspiration, the desire to this office, to be an overseer in the church. And that's a good thing. That's a noble thing. But that's not enough.

It's not just that you personally want that. It's also that the church is affirming your gifts and calling, and they're calling you as well. They're saying, brother, we believe that you could serve us in this capacity.

We see your gifts. We see how you care for the saints, how you minister to those who are in need and so forth, the hospitality that you show that you can have, again, even if you're not married. And so there's the internal call, and there's that external call that comes from Jesus ultimately, but through the church ordinarily, through the people of God. And so I don't believe that 1 Timothy 3 is saying that you have to be married in order to be an elder, but it is saying that if you are married, you have to oversee your household well. And if you don't, then you're not qualified.

Thanks for the question. You know, interestingly, Adriel, a couple of years ago, one of my friends, when he was still single, he's married now, he was still single, going to a fairly large church and was very interested in missions, had done a lot of missions work overseas, himself with different organizations, and he went to the leadership of the, I guess, mission board and said, hey, I'd like to be on the missions committee. And the chair of the committee said, well, are you married? And he said, no.

And he goes, well, that's certainly something you can rectify, isn't it? And basically, they weren't going to allow him to serve on this missions committee unless he was married. And I thought, boy, talk about a glass ceiling, a married ceiling, I guess, for believers who really want to serve. Yeah, I'm sure he thought like, yeah, I guess I would love to rectify that.

Maybe, maybe not, I don't know, but, you know, what am I going to do? Yeah, no, I mean, God, I've known real faithful brothers who serve as elders, as pastors, who are not married. And God uses them, and they have that undivided devotion to the Lord that the apostle Paul talks about in 1 Corinthians chapter 7.

That's not a bad thing. That's the calling that they have. And so we don't want to minimize that. We don't want to, you know, go around those passages of scripture. I mean, they're there, and so really important for us to understand that.

Well said, thanks for that. You're listening to Core Christianity with Pastor Adriel Sanchez. Our phone lines are open. We're taking your calls for the next 10 minutes or so. If you have a question about the Bible, the Christian life, doctrine, theology, maybe some type of persecution you're running up against at your workplace or at school, let us know. Here's the number. It's 833-THE-CORE.

That's 1-833-843-2673. Also want to mention a great resource we have if you're a parent or a grandparent and you like to sit around the table and be having discussion with your kids, doing a Bible study, what about singing scripture with your kids? What a great way to incorporate God's Word in your family. Yeah, the resource is called Ten Songs to Sing as a Family, and it'll give you ten wonderful hymns, theologically rich hymns, with a little bit of background information as well, so it could be kind of a little lesson that you give, but a helpful way to teach the faith, as we've been saying. A music song is one of the easiest ways to memorize the truth of scripture, the doctrinal truths that are so important for us as Christians. And so get ahold of this resource over at corechristianity.com forward slash radio.

It's a free download, and again, it's called Ten Songs to Sing as a Family. And by the way, just to let you know, Core Christianity is a listener-supported ministry. We count on people just like you to keep us on the air. We don't play commercials. We don't get money from a church or denominations. So if you feel ever led to make a gift to this ministry, we would appreciate it.

You can find out more at corechristianity.com. Well, we do receive voicemails here at the Core. You can call us 24 hours a day.

Leave your voicemail at 833-THE-CORE. Here's one that came in from one of our listeners named Jackie. Pastor Adriel, I'm a deaconess in a Baptist church, and I was asked by the chairman of deacons to accompany him to a church where he would be training deacons. The pastor of that church was recently installed as a pastor and is a Tier 3 sex offender on the Public Sex Offenders Registry. I spoke with the deacons' chair and expressed my concern. I had decided that I would go only if we could be honest and transparent with them. You see, our church deacon board was instrumental in removing our pastor for immoral reasons. Well, the deacon chair stated that there was no need to get that transparent because the Bible doesn't call for it.

What do you think, and what should I do? Thank you for hearing my question, and may God bless you. Jackie, thank you for that question.

What do I think? It's greatly concerning to me. For those of you who are unaware, a Tier 3 sexual offender, we're talking about things like felony possession of child pornography, things like rape.

These are heinous, violent crimes. That's not to say that the Lord can't save people who are Tier 3 sex offenders. I've known some who have been redeemed, saved, washed by the blood of Jesus Christ, and I praise God for that, but we're talking here in particular about the office of the minister and being installed as a pastor and this position of authority over people and over families and the temptation that goes along with that. There are particular challenges, and so somebody who maybe has a history with abuse or sexual abuse, I would see that as disqualifying for the pastorate.

That doesn't mean that they're not a Christian or that they can't be a Christian or that they can't be a part of the church. I think that there needs to be accountability and oversight and transparency when it comes to church membership. By the way, there's a really helpful organization called GRACE. GRACE stands for Godly Response to Abuse in a Christian Environment, netgrace.org, and they work a lot with churches on safety policies for guarding children and families in the church from sexual abuse, and I just want to plug that because it's really a wonderful organization, but I also would be very concerned. You said that this pastor was recently installed. I would just want to know to what extent people knew about this, the transparency and so forth, and I would take a stand against or not be okay with someone in this situation serving in the office as a pastor because I think there's a question of, we were talking about qualifications earlier, about being above reproach, about scandal and trust, and ministering to families and to children and so forth. Not only is it not a good look, it's also putting families, I think, potentially in danger, and so there needs to be real accountability, and it sounds to me like this is something that you're sensitive to because of what happened recently at your own church, and you want to protect and guard the flock, and so I think asking a lot of questions, obviously this is another church and you're not a part of that church, but it sounds to me like there are some issues there, and so I just want to affirm your concern and say I think that they're valid concerns, and these aren't things that we just want to brush under the rug, and so God bless you, sister, and give you wisdom, and give that church wisdom as well. Wow, tough situation, and thank you for that response, Adriel. This is Core Christianity with Pastor Adriel Sanchez.

Let's go to Brian calling in from Indiana. Brian, what's your question for Adriel? Yes, I was reading 1 Corinthians 7, verses 12 through 14, and I got a question about Paul's talking about believers being married to unbelievers and that they should stay married because you don't know if the unbeliever would be sanctified through your marriage because you're a believer. What all does that entail?

Great question. Verse 12, To the rest I say, I, not the Lord, that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her, and if any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him, for the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband, or sanctified is a verb that's used there. And then at the end he says in verse 16, For how do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband, or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife? And what he means by that is how do you know whether or not God is going to use you instrumentally to share the gospel through your conduct, through your love, through your Christian witness? If this person, you know, consents to be with you, you know, you got married, you weren't a believer, she wasn't a believer, and then you came to faith in Christ, and now you're wondering, what do we do? And that's what Paul is getting at here in 1 Corinthians 7.

He says, look, if your spouse wants to remain with you, that's good. God might use you to bring them to the faith. And so I think it's exhibiting that godly conduct, and there's a good example of what that looks like specifically, Brian, in places like 1 Peter 3. 1 Peter 3, verse 1, listen to what Peter said. He says, Likewise, wives be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives when they see your respectful and pure conduct. In other words, that godly character, that love, that fruit of the Holy Spirit that's being produced in your life as a follower of Jesus, God might use that to draw your husband or your wife to himself when they get the taste of that sweet fruit that God is producing in your life, the love, the joy, the peace, the patience. And so I think if you're in this situation, you say, Help me to love my wife, to love her, Jesus, as you love the church, to set an example, to give her a very tangible picture of the gospel in how I treat her, a picture of how you loved your bride in laying down your life for her. And that's what the Lord uses and may use in this context. And so that's what the Apostle Paul is getting at. And may God help you and all of you listening right now, if you're in a relationship where your spouse is not walking with the Lord or they don't profess faith in Jesus Christ, say, Lord, use me, help me to be patient, help me to be loving, help us to grow in our relationship, but help me to exhibit that fruit of the Holy Spirit so that they might see how good you are, Lord, and be drawn to you. God bless. This is Core Christianity with Pastor Adriel Sanchez.

Here's an email that came in from one of our listeners named Susan. Was the wedding at Cana a wedding for John? How was it that Jesus and the disciples were invited if they weren't relatives of the bride or groom?

That's a great question. Was the wedding in John chapter 2, verse 1, on the third day there was a wedding in Cana of Galilee and the mother of Jesus was there, and Jesus also was invited to the wedding with his disciples. And when the wine ran out, the mother of Jesus and so forth.

Now, your question is, is this John's wedding? I don't think that there's anything in the text to demonstrate that. We do know, according to the Gospels, that Jesus was out and about in the community, that he was accused of being a friend of tax collectors and sinners, eating and drinking in people's homes. And so he wasn't, you know, a hermit. He was about in the community and respected as this righteous one, even prior to, I would say, this first miracle.

And so that's why he was invited, and there did his very first miracle, turning water into wine. Thank you for your question, and may the Lord bless you all. Thanks for listening to CORE Christianity. To request your copy of today's special offer, go to corechristianity.com forward slash radio, or you can call us at 1-833-843-2673. That's 833-THE-CORE. When you contact us, let us know how we can be praying for you. And be sure to join us next time as we explore the truth of God's Word together.