I’ve Forgiven Someone but Still Struggle With Hurt, What Do I Do?

I've forgiven someone, but I still struggle with hurt.

What do I do? That's just one of the questions we'll be answering on today's edition of CORE Christianity. Well, hi there, and happy Friday. I'm Bill Meyer, along with Pastor Adriel Sanchez, and this is the radio program where we answer your questions about the Bible and the Christian life every day. Our phone lines are open, and you can call us for the next 25 minutes or so. Here's the number. It's 833-THE-CORE.

That's 1-833-843-2673. Now you can also email us anytime at questions at corechristianity.com. First up today, here's a voicemail from one of our listeners named Doug. Excellent question, and I like how you're tying those two passages together. It sounds to me like there's a little bit of confusion.

Okay, well, how can this be? If Jesus is the propitiation for the whole world, then he has to have an intimate knowledge of all people, of each individual, and indeed he does. He's God. He's omniscient. He's the Lord, and so what does he mean when he's addressing the false teachers in Matthew chapter 7 verse 23? And he says, I never knew you.

Depart from me, you workers of lawlessness. And the answer to your question has to do with the way in which that word, know, is used in the Bible. We oftentimes think of, you know, to know, and, you know, it's just primarily cognitive, right, being aware of something, of the existence of something, or someone here in this case. Jesus being aware of the fact that, you know, all these people existed. But in the Bible, know speaks of intimacy. You may recall in the Old Testament, the language of Adam knowing his wife Eve, they're speaking of marital intimacy. There is this intimate knowledge, this love that is exhibited by that word, know, covenant love, even. God says to his people, you only of all the nations of the world have I known. And he's talking about there his particular love, the love that he set upon them.

So it speaks of intimacy of relationship. And that's precisely what the false teachers didn't have. They don't have. They were hypocrites. And that's why Jesus can say, look at the judgment. They're going to stand before me.

They're going to point to their works. Didn't we cast out demons in your name and prophesy and all of these things. And I'm going to say to them, depart from me. I never knew you. You never believed in me. We were never in this vital relationship. We weren't united. You weren't united to me by faith.

We don't have that. And so that's the warning. It's not that he, you know, wow, goodness, I didn't know you existed.

I forgot that I had created you. No, that's not what's being spoken of. And so as we understand that word, know, and by the way, this is just a good example of how sometimes, you know, there will be a word that we use every single day. But the way in which scripture uses that word might be a little bit different from how we use it today. So that's why it's important to study the Bible, to look at the background of particular words, to see how they're used throughout the scriptures.

This is, you know, we sometimes refer to as a word study. How is that word, know, used in the Old Testament, in the New Testament? How does, you know, the gospel writer use it in this particular instance? It's important for us to do the hard work of studying the Bible. And so appreciate that question. And hopefully that clears it up for you.

God bless. You know, Adriel, I know we have to be careful about extrapolating from a particular case where Jesus is addressing someone or some group, but would that also apply? Let's say we know someone who says, well, I'm going to heaven because I'm better than the next guy.

I've done this and this and this, and boy, I am just such a good person. That's why God is going to let me into heaven. Well, it's interesting, if you look at the false teachers there, and that's exactly what they're appealing to, isn't it, when they when they're standing before God, they think that they're entitled to paradise. They say, well, didn't we do all of these things? And of course, it's clear from the surrounding context, and then also Jesus's rebuke to the scribes and the Pharisees, that what they were lacking was a true vital relationship, faith in Christ.

They wouldn't come to Jesus. And so, yeah, you know, when an individual is pointing at their works, there's a real misunderstanding there because you're assuming in that situation that you can do enough. You can do good enough works and enough of them to merit eternal life. And that's something that the Bible, I mean, you just have to watch out there because when you think that way, and if you really believe that you've actually done enough, then you don't understand your own sin. You don't understand the nature of good works. You don't understand God's law. You really don't understand God's law because if you understood it, you would realize, I fall so short. God, it's only by your grace and mercy and the forgiveness of sins that I have any hope.

I don't have a leg to stand on. So really, I think important to see that because there are so many people today. I mean, you ask most people today who believe in an afterlife, who believe in heaven, and most Americans do. Well, who gets to go there? Who gets to go to heaven? And my sense is that the majority of people, their response would be, well, you've got to be a good person.

So long as you're a good person, the main thing is not what you believe, it's what you do. And of course, Jesus said, we can't be good enough. We just can't. We need grace. We need forgiveness. We need the gospel. Amen. Thanks for that explanation, Adriel. This is Core Christianity with Pastor Adriel Sanchez.

If you have a question about the Bible, the Christian life, doctrine, or theology, maybe some kind of struggle you're having in your own Christian life, hey, we'd love to hear from you. We'll be taking calls for the next 15 minutes or so. Here's the number, 833-THECORE.

That's 1-833-843-2673. And let's go to a YouTube question that came in. This is an interesting one. By the way, our YouTube channel is active at 1130 a.m. Pacific time, Monday through Friday. You can actually go to our YouTube channel and you can watch Adriel live in the studio and send him a question. This gentleman says, I'm getting ready to apply to ministry, a military chaplaincy. What advice would you give me when ministering in a secular institution that has varying beliefs? Well, God bless you and your preparation and training for the ministry. We've had several chaplains, most of them Navy chaplains, being in San Diego, come through our church.

I'm so grateful for them and for the work that they do. And there's an immense need, as you can imagine, and as you know, for military chaplains. But of course, there are all sorts of differences with regard to theology. And in terms of working for a secular institution, I think that the challenge for all of us as Christians who work in secular workplaces is not compromising what we believe according to God's word and holding fast to the truth while communicating in ways that are clear.

And so I think that's just going to require wisdom. You don't know the kinds of situations that you're going to be presented with, but beginning to pray now and saying, Lord, give me wisdom as I'm studying your word, as I'm thinking about applying it to people who desperately need to know and understand the truth, give me wisdom about how to best do that and give me courage when I'm confronted with situations where maybe I might be tempted to compromise or to water down what it is that we believe or what we teach, not to do that, to be faithful to you, God, to honor God rather than man, first and foremost. And so let's just take a moment to pray for this brother who's preparing for chaplaincy in the military, that the Lord would bless him. Why don't we pray for all those serving in the military as well, especially those chaplains. Father, we thank you for your goodness and mercy to us in your son, Jesus. And we thank you for this brother, Lord, who has sensed a call to serve you and to serve others, Lord, in particular in the ministry with the truth of the gospel.

And we know that there's a great need there. I pray that you would continue to prepare him and strengthen him in his faith and his understanding of your word so that as he enters into this job, Lord, this calling, that he would be faithful to you in sharing and expositing and communicating the scriptures and that you would grant him, Lord, a blessed and fruitful ministry. And we do pray for all those, Lord, in the military and ask for your mercy and grace and peace, Lord, for peaceful times and for those who are serving as chaplains, Lord God, that you would grant them courage and boldness to continue to be faithful to you and to your word in Jesus' name. Amen.

Amen. One of my very good friends has been a Navy chaplain for many years. And given that the Marines are in the Department of the Navy, he has both uniforms. He serves the Navy on ships. He serves the Marine Corps on Marine bases. And man, just what a great ministry.

So I'm with you on that, Adriel. We want to be praying for all of our military chaplains. By the way, we have a great booklet. It's a free booklet designed for those who are in the U.S. military, either considering going into the military or perhaps for family members of service members. It's called Call to War. You can find that by going to CorpsChristianity.com slash CorpsBooklets. Again, CorpsChristianity.com slash CorpsBooklets. And it's called Call to War. We'd love to get that in your hands. We'd encourage all of our listeners to be praying for those who are serving in the U.S. military.

Well, we do receive emails here at the Corps and want to share one that came in from the Philippines. This is from Hazel. She says, What does the Bible say about loans or debts? What would you tell someone who is in debt? How can they find comfort and peace when they're drowning in debt?

Wow. Great question. In the Old Testament, right among the Hebrews, debt was frowned upon. I mean, you weren't supposed to, especially with regard to your brother who came to you.

Among the people of Israel, right? You weren't supposed to make him a debtor to implement a bunch of interests and really put him in a situation that would be difficult to climb out of. And of course, that's something that many people today are in. And the Hebrew word for debt, one of the Hebrew words is associated with the idea of biting. You think of something that eats away at you. And so often for many people, that's what it is. Jesus, in the Sermon on the Mount, when he was talking about prayer, he likened sin to a debt.

Didn't he? Forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors. And I've always thought that that's so interesting.

Why would he do that? Well, because debt very much is like sin. When we don't deal with it, what happens? It compounds with interest. It grows and it grows.

It becomes crushing and it destroys. And so there are warnings in scripture about debt. I mean, I'm not one of the guys who says it's wrong to purchase a house or to go into debt for getting a college degree, but there are certainly unwise ways to enter into debt, things that the Bible, I think, would indeed warn against. With regard to what do you say to someone who's currently there, who feels like they're being crushed by these debts that they have? I mean, I would say, just practically speaking, maybe sitting down with a good financial planner first and foremost and saying, okay, here's where I'm at.

Here's what I make. Here are my bills. Is this an issue of a lack of wisdom with regard to our spending habits?

Are there things that we need to do better? What is that going to look like to climb out of this, to get out of this, and to do everything that you can in terms of using wisdom and the people around you, the resources around you, to begin to make wise decisions when it comes to spending and to seek to continue to honor the Lord? I mean, truly, Bill, I don't know if you would add anything in terms of resources that are out there for those who are struggling with debt or just other practical advice that you might want to add, but I know this is a huge issue for so many people.

I really love Dave Ramsey, who's the Christian financial expert who actually has a radio show and a ministry to help people with situations like this, how to stay out of debt, how to spend wisely, what type of loans are good and which type are risky. So that's one place I would send people to. I think Dave has some really good advice on that. But yeah, we'll be praying for you, Hazel, and thank you for writing in from the Philippines. We just love hearing from our international listeners. If you listen to us somewhere overseas, you can actually leave a voicemail through our website. We have a special little link you can click on there and record your voicemail message for Adriel.

So feel free to do that. We've heard from people in several different countries on the core Christianity, and we love that. By the way, if you're a regular listener to the core, we want to tell you about a special group of people that we really do appreciate.

They're called our inner core. Yeah, the inner core is a group of monthly donors who send us $25 or more to help us continue the work that we're doing, answering questions about the Christian faith every day. And if you have been blessed by core Christianity, would you consider joining the inner core? As I said, it's a monthly donation of $25 or more. And as a thank you, we'll send you a copy of the book, Core Christianity, written by Dr. Michael Horton. We don't receive money from a church or denomination here at core Christianity. We rely on people just like you to help us stay on the air. So if you believe in what we do, we really ask you to perfectly consider joining the inner core. You can learn more by going to corechristianity.com forward slash inner core. Well, we do receive voicemails here at core Christianity. You can call us 24 hours a day and leave your question on our voicemail system.

Here's one that came in from one of our listeners named Tamara. Tamara My question is, I have been working on forgiveness, and I feel like I'm doing well there. My problem is it still hurts.

I don't know what to do with the hurt. Anyway, I'm praying and working on that. Bless you for your program. I love it.

I just started listening last month, and I've been listening every day. Thank you. Well, Lord, please be with Tamara and bless her and grant her healing, Lord, the hurt that she's experienced, the pain that she's experienced being sinned against. Lord, thank you for the grace that you've given her to forgive and that she's fighting to forgive, Lord. But we know that so often, even once we've forgiven, there are still deep wounds that take time to heal. And so we ask, Lord God, that by the power of your Holy Spirit, you would bring about that healing supernaturally, Lord, and with the care and help of others, we ask in Jesus' name.

Amen. It is a painful thing to forgive. And I think that's why so many of us want to avoid forgiveness altogether. It almost feels better just, well, I just want to stay angry and not forgive. There's a wonderful quote. Not too long ago, I read Timothy Keller's book, Forgive, one of the books that he wrote just before his death. And he says in that book, forgiveness means that when you want to make them suffer, instead, you refuse to do it.

And this refusal is hard. It is difficult and costly, but through it, you are absorbing the debt yourself. Something that by, some people think that by remaining angry, they are giving the wrong doors what they deserve. But in reality, you are enabling their actions to continue to hurt you. If instead, bit by bit by bit, you grant forgiveness in this way, eventually, you'll begin to feel forgiveness. And that's, again, Timothy Keller's book, Forgive, Why Should I, and How Can I?

It'd be a great resource to get ahold of, maybe, Tamara. But it is difficult, because you are taking on some of that pain. You're saying, I'm not going to forgive. I'm not going to retaliate.

I'm not going to respond in kind. I'm going to forgive. We think of Paul's encouragement to the church in Colossae, in Colossians 3, verse 12, and he says this, and I want you to hear these words for yourself, Tamara. Put on, then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another, and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other, as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.

And above all, these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs with thankfulness in your hearts to God. That was Colossians chapter 3, verses 12 and following again. And there, that exhortation at the heart of that text, to forgive, as God has forgiven you. And from that place, letting the peace of Christ rule in your heart, letting the word of Christ dwell in you richly. That, man, that's how the healing comes, as we focus less on the pain that we've been causing.

I know it's difficult, right? We're offering up that pain to the Lord every time. But as we choose not to stew on that, but to let the word of Christ dwell in us richly, to let the word of God dwell in you, Tamara, as you meditate upon the fact that you are a beloved, chosen, holy child of God through Jesus Christ, through the forgiveness that he's given to you. May the Lord bless you and strengthen you. And if you're listening, you have a difficult time forgiving someone or finding that healing after you have forgiven someone, man, take that word to heart for yourself as well. God bless. So well said. Thank you.

And thanks for your compassion there, Adriel. You're listening to Quora Christianity with Pastor Adriel Sanchez. If you have a question about the Bible, the Christian life, doctrine, theology, maybe something going on at your church, you can call us at any time.

In fact, you can leave us a voicemail over the weekend if you'd like. Here's the number. It's 833-THE-CORE. That's 1-833-843-2673. Let's go to John calling in from St. Louis. John, what's your question for Adriel?

Yeah, I'd like to ask you a question there. When the Lucifer, the angel, when he fell, what was the sin what was the sin that caused him to fall? Was it pride? Because they said, you know, he's the father of all lies and murder. And how was he able to miss get the other angels to follow him? Also, is that the same way he tempts people on this earth now? And was that was that his ability to, you know, disguise himself as some kind of another, you know, person or another being, and how he misled the angels? Is that also how he's also attacking people in Christian specialty today? And thanks a lot.

Hey, John, a couple of questions there. The text to go to is Isaiah chapter 14. This is this is an oracle, a prophecy about the fall of the haughty king of Babylon. In this section of the book of Isaiah, you have various oracles, prophecies, judgments that are coming on on the world. And here, in verse 12, it says, How you are fallen from heaven, O day star son of dawn, how you are cut down to the ground, you who laid the nations low, you said in your heart, I will ascend to heaven above the stars of God, I will set my throne on high, I will sit on the mount of assembly. In the far reaches of the north, I will ascend above the heights of the clouds, I will make myself like the most high.

But you are brought down to Sheol, to the far reaches of the pit. So you're on to it. Is it pride?

And I would say yes. In fact, in the New Testament, Paul says, don't let the young guys start teaching too early, right? Lest they fall into the snare of the devil, that pride that can and that can creep in. And that's what we see here, this desire to be like God. And is that how he tempts people? Well, you look just to the early chapters of Genesis, right? What does the devil say to Adam and Eve? God doesn't want you to eat from that tree because he knows that you're going to be like him. And so there is at the heart of what caused the evil one to fall is the temptation that he extends to others too.

And so I think you're onto something there as well. Now, with regard to how did he get a legion of angels to follow him? How did he get others to go after him? Well, he's characterized by lying in the Bible, by deception, by a lust for power. You think even of the temptation of Jesus in the wilderness described in the gospels. He says, if you just bow down, I'm going to give you all this.

You can have this. And so we're speculating a little bit here, but I imagine that maybe it was something along those lines, this sort of promise of power, the deception, the lust after riches and glory, which caused him to fall. And it seems caused others to fall as well. And so brothers and sisters, we have to be vigilant because this is a real issue, right? I've said it before on the broadcast, there is an unseen world out there. And there are spiritual forces at work that oftentimes we're just not aware of. And so it's important for us to be vigilant, to be prayerful, and to recognize that it exists. And so appreciate the question, John, and may God grant us grace and protection from the evil one in all of his schemes. You know, Adriel, you've mentioned that in the past, there are kind of two ditches we can fall into. And the one side is to completely ignore the fact that there's a spiritual battle going on. The other side is to kind of look for the devil under every rock or to say, well, the devil made me do that.

Yeah. But you know where I got that from? It was from C.S.

Lewis's book, The Screwtape Letters, and I think it's the preface or the introduction. He says, you know, the two errors that we often fall into here are the errors of the materialist and the errors of the magician. The materialist just, you know, it's all this world, what you can see with your eye, the physical stuff. There's no spiritual world out there, no demons, you know, that's just, what are you thinking? But the magician is the person who, like you said, under every rock, there's a devil hidden. You know, you stub your toe and you think, oh, that was Satan, a satanic attack.

And so we have to take this seriously, recognizing that there is and, you know, there are evil forces out there. But we also have the hope of the gospel and the fact that we belong to Jesus Christ, and the evil one has no authority over us. God bless. Thanks for listening to Core Christianity. To request your copy of today's special offer, visit us at CoreChristianity.com and click on offers in the menu bar or call us at 1-833-843-2673. That's 833-THE-CORE. When you contact us, please let us know how you've been encouraged by this program. And be sure to join us next time as we explore the truth of God's word together.