The Four-Legged Stool of a Godly Home - Part B

So children are told, obey your parents in the Lord. Now a word about the word children. You might think he's just referring to young little kids like toddlers, but he's not. He uses the word tekna. Tekna refers to children of any age, whereas paideia, which would be a different word, he doesn't use that, would refer to just small children. Respect for elders has fallen far from what it used to be in our culture. But as Skip shares today on Connect with Skip Heitig, God has called believing children, and not just the young ones, to respect and honor their parents as part of their Christian walk.

But first we want to share about a resource that's available to you this month. The resurrection of Jesus Christ is one of the most attested to facts in history. It is a fact that sets Christianity apart from every other world religion, and it's the reason for our hope. Of all of the religions in the world, only four of them are based upon actual personalities. Judaism, Christianity, Islam, and Buddhism.

Those four are based upon the personality of the founder. But of all of those four religions, only one claims a resurrection for its founder. That's why we have hope. That's why we gather here today, because of that good news. For this Easter season, we've put together a special set of resurrection resources by Skip that include five of his finest Easter messages for audio download or on CD and a full video titled On the Road. We want to send you a copy of this package of messages as thanks for your gift to support Connect with Skip Heitig and help grow this teaching ministry to reach more people in major cities in the U.S. this year. So request your package when you give your gift of $50 or more today and take a walk with the risen Lord on the road to Emmaus. Just call 800-922-1888 or visit connectwithskip.com slash offer.

That's connectwithskip.com slash offer. Now let's turn to Colossians 3 and join Skip as he picks up on today's teaching. Authority mixed with affection. When that happens, wives find it easy to submit when they know my husband has authority, but he loves me deeply. You know what happens when you take metal and rub it up against a magnet? What happens to the metal? Gets magnetized.

A little bit of that magnetism rubs off on the metal. I think relationships are like that. I think when one burning heart is against another heart, even if it's cold, it will ignite it.

It sets it on fire. Love is not taught, it is caught. And I have seen relationships where the husband is just committed to loving his wife through something going on and it ignites her heart and she responds and she grows. So, husbands then are to be leaders but lovers. And if a man is a leader but not a lover, you have a tyrant. On the other hand, if he's just a lover and not a leader, he's a sap.

You want him to be a leader but one mixed with love. By the way, look at that word in verse 19. First word, husbands. You know what the word husband comes from, that word? It means a farmer originally, one who cultivates. A husband is one who cultivates. John chapter 15, Jesus said, I am the true vine and my father is the vine dresser.

The old King James, I am the true vine, I am the true vine, my father is the husbandman, husbandman, cultivator. A husband then is the one who cultivates the relationship in the soil of love. You see, a happy man marries the girl that he loves.

A happier man loves the girl that he marries and that's a commitment. By the way, notice the word love, husband's love. You probably know the Greek word for that.

What is it? Agape, it's agapate is the imperative. Love, and it's the deepest form of love.

It's the most far-reaching word in the Greek language. It's the highest quality of love. The message translation is really not a translation, it's a paraphrase, but Eugene Peterson in The Message renders it this way, husbands go all out in your love for your wives. Now imagine what your marriage would look like, man, if you decided, I'm going to go all out in my love for my wife.

This is not what the world tells you to do. The world says, love her right now, be committed to her right now, and love her until the feelings go away. And when the feelings stop, you may want to reevaluate, that's what the world says.

And so many people enter into a marriage, like, I love you, and I'm committed to you right now, but if you get ugly, and I get ugly, we grow apart. God says, no, you love her till your heart stops. You are committed to this woman till death do you part. You make a decision to be in love with her.

To be in love with her. You see, biblical love is not a flush of emotion, it's not a patter of the heart, it's not a shot of adrenaline, it's not a goose bump, good Mexican food will do that for you. Biblical love is far deeper, it's the love of commitment, love of the will. So husbands love your wives, and then he adds this in Colossians, and do not be bitter toward them. Some of your translations say don't be harsh toward them. I think bitter is a bitter translation, personally, the way I've looked at it, I think as it's rendered here is how it should be rendered. Love your wives, don't be bitter toward them.

What does he mean? Well, if you have a relationship where you have problems, and all relationships do indeed have problems, if you don't resolve those issues, but you keep them inside, what happens is bitterness grows, resentment grows. If you don't resolve the issues, be careful, because you can allow bitterness to destroy the relationship. So husbands, be careful with that. Don't call your wife honey and treat her like vinegar.

Your love has to go deeper. The way Paul refers to it in Ephesians 5, the corollary verse to this is, husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her, that he might present her to himself. So how did Jesus love the church? Well, he loves us sacrificially. He loves us unconditionally.

I would even add non-reciprocally. You know, when we were sinners, he died for us. So whatever I'm getting back or not getting back, my decision is to go all out in my love for my wife. That's loving like Christ loved the church. And I've heard men say, well, I'd take a bullet for my wife.

Okay, if you're willing to do that, then you must be willing to make any lesser sacrifice that does not cost you your life. That makes sense. So wives, submit. That's one leg of the stool. Husbands, love.

That's the second leg of the stool. Third in this family is for children. Verse 20, children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing to the Lord. You'll notice that the word obey is a four letter word.

And for some kids, that's all it is, a four letter word. It was for me. I resisted my dad's activity and discipline, especially when I got into the teenage years. I was so resistant to that and bucked up against him. A lot of us, most of us boys in my family did. But I didn't like the kid. I was like the kid whose dad told his son, sit down. And the kid sat down and said, I may be sitting down on the outside, but I am standing up on the inside. That was this kid.

So children are told, obey your parents in the Lord. Now, a word about the word children. You might think he's just referring to young little kids like toddlers, but he's not. He uses the word tekna. Tekna refers to children of any age, whereas paidia, which would be a different word, he doesn't use that, would refer to just small children. But he uses the word tekna because he is referring to kids still under their parents' roof at any age. Now, my age was 18. When I was 18, my dad was kicking me out of the house.

Today, kids can be in their 30s and still living at home. So if you're living at home, you are to obey your parents because it's fitting in the Lord. But take the idea of obey, which is kind of a perfunctory term, and let's amplify it just a little bit. There's an attitude that is above obey, and that's the idea of honoring your parents. And that's a commandment, by the way. That's the fifth commandment. Honor your father and your mother.

And Paul says in Ephesians, that's the first commandment with a promise that you might live long on the earth. So children, obey. Honor. When you honor, you're going to want to obey. Best example I know of honoring your parents, Jesus dying on the cross.

Jesus dying on the cross, the most excruciating, painful death that you could undergo 2,000 years ago, the kind of pain that would be so self-absorbing. And yet on the cross, he makes sure his mother is cared for. He says, mother, behold your son. Not like mother, behold your son.

He was talking to the man standing next to Mary, which we believe was the apostle John. He said, mother, behold your son. Son, behold your son. Son, behold your mother. The Bible then says, and from that day forward, that disciple took Mary and took care of her.

Jesus made sure that his mother was honored. Now let me explain this word obey here just a little bit more. I told you it's different from the word submit. Submit is hupatasso.

This is the word hupakuo, which comes from two words put together. It means to listen under, listen under. So literally it would be, children listen under your parents. I can't tell you how many times my dad told me something like that. Are you listening to me or my mom? Did you hear what I said? Listen, listen under. Now if you happen to be living at home, you're still under the shelter and protection and provision of mom and dad, you might be tempted to think, well why should I listen? I hear what they say.

They say the same thing all the time and it's not very profound. Why should I listen to them? Let me give you three reasons. Number one, because you're expensive. You cost them a lot of money.

According to the Brookings Institute, to raise a child from infancy to age 18 will cost $310,000. So I say either listen to them or pay it back. But I have a better reason, a second reason, because it's well pleasing to the Lord. Children obey your parents in all things for this is well pleasing to the Lord.

The corollary Ephesians chapter 5 just says, children obey your parents for it is right. It's right. It's the right thing to do. Why is it right? Because it pleases God. So it's right not because the Greeks said it's right or the Romans said it's right or the American said it's right, but God says it's right. It's pleasing to the Lord. Let me give you a third reason why you should listen under your parents.

It's foundational. If you don't learn obedience at home, you will be a rebel the rest of your life. And this is incumbent really on parents. Because if you're thinking parents, yeah, you know, I hope my kid finds a Bible one day and opens and finds that verse. Well, chances are they won't, but hopefully you will show them that and you will train them to obey. See, this is really written for parents. You teach your children to obey because if they don't learn it at home, you know what's going to happen at school? They're going to be a rebel against every teacher, every police officer, employers. The breakdown in authority in society reflects the breakdown of the authority in the home. So we have three legs to a four-legged system. And the final one is to parents.

Look at verse 21. Fathers, better translation of the Greek word pateris, would be parents. So I'm going to say, parents, do not provoke your children lest they become discouraged. Now, I've taken and turned this around into a positive and say, parents, encourage. Parents, encourage. Now, of all of all the jobs, of all the tasks that we have in life, don't you think that the most important task is raising a child? Now, it's the hardest, no question. One person said raising kids is like pushing an old car in first gear with the emergency brake jammed on and a sumo wrestling team inside from New York to Hawaii and back. It's a big job. And the real kicker about kids, raising them, is by the time you're experienced, you're unemployed. Just when you get it down, they're gone.

They leave the nest. And what makes it hard is that we, as parents, often beat ourselves up. We second-guess if we did things right or not.

Self-doubt. Did I emphasize the right things? Did I overlook something? Was I too hard on them? Was I too soft on them? Did I make them eat enough vegetables?

Probably not. Did I support them in the sports, et cetera? Now, if you are young parents and you have children and you're kind of dreaming of what you want your children to be, you know, I hear people talk all the time about their vision for this or that. Well, you know, I have a vision. Everybody's got a vision for something.

I don't really care about your vision. What I care about is what is God's vision for your children. And what is God's vision for your son or daughter? Well, I hope it's this, and I hope this is your vision, because this is God's vision. I want my children to be committed followers of Jesus Christ, period. That's what I want. That's my vision. I want my children to be committed followers of Jesus Christ, period. That happens to be God's vision. No, man, it's about grades and baseball. Not really.

Not at all, really. You want to make sure your kids are committed followers of Jesus Christ. Now, you cannot guarantee that they will be, but you can do things that will guarantee that they won't be. And as Paul said, don't provoke your children lest they become discouraged. So since he writes about it in the negative, let me give you a warning.

Let me warn you of doing some things that would guarantee that they wouldn't fulfill that vision. Number one, hypocrisy. When a parent says one thing and does another, kids pick up on that from very young ages.

They have very sensitive antennae, and if a dad or mom say something but live a different way than what they say, they're going to feel let down, betrayed, eventually angry. Number two, inconsistency. Inconsistency. That is treating them one way one day, something very different the other day. Now, we all have bad moods, but, you know, if, for instance, you discipline your child for dropping a pencil one day, but then the next day, you know, they do something really bad, you go, ah, not a big deal.

That inconsistency will be noted. Harvard sociologist said the number one factor in preventing delinquency is the firm, fair, consistent discipline of a parent. Firm, fair, consistent.

Firm, fair, consistent discipline of a parent. I want to read to you a quick little letter from the newspaper, a Dear Abby column, actually, and I don't always agree with Abby on everything, but every now and then I do, and here's one where I think she's spot on. Dear Abby writes this girl, Dear Abby, my problem is my mother. She is too lenient. After she gets angry and punishes me, she will often apologize. Why should she? When I had the punishment coming.

Signed, mixed up in Cleveland. Dear mixed up, writes Abby, your mother, like many others, fears that you will love her less because she has punished you. She is wrong. No child has ever resented punishment that he or she knew they had coming. Discipline is the proof of love. Children know this.

I wish more parents did. Bam. Now, I don't mean bam, like do that to your kids. I mean, Abby, right on. Right on. Right on.

You nailed it. Inconsistency. A third, criticism. If your child hears more criticism from you than compliments from you, that is going to break their spirit, and I've discovered that a single critical remark has to be overshadowed by several comments of praise and building up. So, compliments.

Otherwise, children lose hope. Criticism. Fourth, favoritism. Favoritism. Ask Joseph's brothers about favoritism. Ask Esau about favoritism.

There are several biblical examples. Any of you been compared to your siblings growing up? I was. I was the fourth boy in my family, fourth child, and I was often compared to my older brothers, who were so smart and so athletic and did this.

You should be like that. And every time those statements were made, they were difficult to hear, and they were very hurtful. Five, overcommitment. Overcommitment.

Overcommitment will cause children to be discouraged. If they feel like they're an intrusion because your job is so important and your calling, your ministry, is so important. You know, when my son was small, Nate, I remember telling him this. I told him this in this room, I believe. I said, son, you have the permission to interrupt me no matter who I'm talking to.

You can walk into my office if somebody's crying in the middle of a counseling session, and you can interrupt me and come up to me and I'll give you a hug. I made sure he knew that, and frankly, I didn't care who I was talking to when he came up to me. I let myself and them be interrupted by his presence, because I never wanted him to think that my calling, my job, my ministry is more important than this relationship. So, overcommitment. Now, there are several more.

I didn't give them to my team, but I would just add this. Domineering. Being domineering. You know, you want to control everything and superintend everything. Let me help you there. Let me help you there. You don't need to experience the consequence of that choice. No, actually, I need to step back and let you experience the consequence of that choice. That's called growing up.

Number seven, minimizing. A child has an opinion or feelings, and you just go pfft. Right? You blow it off. It's not that big deal.

It's not that important. Minimizing. And then number eight, I would say, is overloading them.

Yeah, you know, I expect you to get straight A's and be on varsity and be a doctor, oh, and a lawyer, and the president, and a supermodel. Other than that, do whatever you want. Overloading. Let me boil it down this way. Let me give you what I think is the biblical definition of a parent.

Here it is. Biblical definition of a parent. This is what I believe it is. A parent is a partner with God in making disciples of your children. A parent is a partner with God in making disciples of your children. Lead your children to Christ. Disciple them in Christ. And do it young. Charles Spurgeon, I love what he said, before a child reaches seven, teach him all the way to heaven. And better still, the work will thrive if he learns before he's five. Do it young. Make that your mission field.

Make that the focus. Parents, your children are the only thing you can take with you to heaven. Make sure they get there as best as you can.

Of course, they have their own free will, but as best as you can by living a consistent life, by loving them, by consistently disciplining them, by not just criticizing them, et cetera, et cetera. That wraps up Skip Heitzig's message from his series, Always Only Jesus. Find the full message, as well as books, booklets, and full teaching series at connectwithskip.com. Now, here's Skip to share how you can keep these messages coming your way to connect you and many others around the world with God's word. We want more people around the world to find rest and hope in the gospel of Jesus Christ and his promise to return for us one day. And you can help make that happen through your gift today to keep these messages that you love coming to you and to others.

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800-922-1888. Thank you for your generosity. Before you go, remember that you can find a treasure trove of resources to help you go deep into God's word at connectwithskip.com. Check it out today and connect with more life changing truth from scripture. That's connectwithskip.com. Be sure to come back next week as Skip begins a message about gospel transformation in The Places We Work. Connect with Skip Hyten is a presentation of Connection Communications, connecting you to God's never-changing truth in ever-changing times.