Making What Everybody Wants - Part B

In conflict, follow this advice. Be humble.

Go low. Because pride, arrogance, smugness, desire for revenge, all of these are the enemies of peace. Remember, you forgive because you've been forgiven. You love because you've been loved by God.

You clear the path because the path has been cleared for you. Peace began at the cross of Christ and it can flow in and through us. Connect with Skip Heitzig today as he shares how peace can mark your life and spark change in the lives of the people around you. But before we begin, we want to invite you to be a part of an unforgettable journey to Israel.

Take a trip to experience Israel, not just the historic landscapes and delicious food, but the spiritual significance. Now speaking of Israel and the Middle East, we want to let you know about a resource that will give you critical insight into what exactly is going on in that region and why it's important for you to know. This is the first book of its kind that takes you inside the Oval Office, inside the palaces of the kings and crown princes, the presidents and the prime ministers, in Israel and in the Arab world. and in the Arab world, as we ask them, what do you think about religious freedom, about making peace with Israel, about the threat from Iran, about U.S.-Arab relations, U.S.-Israel relations? Enemies and Allies, from multiple New York Times best-selling author Joel Rosenberg, takes you on an unforgettable journey inside the turbulent Middle East. You'll go behind closed doors to hear from the very kings and crown princes, presidents and prime ministers who are leading the charge. Enemies and Allies includes exclusive, never-before-published quotes, insights, and analysis from the author's conversations with some of the world's most controversial leaders. Your hardcover copy of Enemies and Allies is our thanks for your generous gift of $35 or more today.

To give, call 800-922-1888, or visit connectwithskip.com. Now, we're in Matthew chapter five and Genesis chapter 32, as Skip Heitzler gets into today's message. Peacemakers are people who build bridges, not walls. Anybody can build a wall.

Anybody can have a reason, an excuse, to sever a relationship. Put up a wall. Peacemakers build bridges.

You put it this way. Peacemakers drain their moats. You know what I'm referring to in ancient times when there was a castle? They would put a moat around it. What was in the moat?

What's it made out of? Water. What was the purpose of a moat?

To go swimming in, to sail in, little boats in? No, it was to separate people from you. It was to keep outsiders outside. It was to keep enemies away.

The only reason a person would drain the moat of their castle is if they have no more enemies. Peacemakers drain their moats. One of the best ways to destroy our enemies is to make them our friends. Make peace. So, Jacob approaches Esau and says, I want to make peace. In Ephesians chapter two, verse 14, Paul said, for he himself, Christ, is our peace, who has made the two one and has destroyed the barrier of the dividing wall of hostility. It's Jesus Christ who makes people one, who brings them together. He's the basis for our peace. Now, I want to take you a little bit deeper into this text, and I want to give you the third component that is peacemaking detail.

I want to give you some practical steps. Practical steps that Jacob used in approaching his brother Esau. Five tips for making peace with somebody. Now, you might immediately think, well, why do I need tips? Why do I need to make steps? Didn't Jesus just say, you go to the person that you have something against who is wrong to you, you just go directly to that person, Matthew chapter 18, and deal with it?

Yes, he did, but I think you also know that sometimes relationships can be very complicated, and that the steps that I'm going to show you that this man took can help untangle the web and make path clearing just a little bit easier. So think of it this way. Matthew 18 is the principle, go to your brother. What I'm going to show you are the particulars.

So I'm going to give you five tips. Number one, use a third party. Use a third party.

Not always, but sometimes, use a third party. Jacob did, notice again in verse three, Jacob sent messengers before him to Esau his brother in the land of Seir, the country of Edom. He sent a mediator to give a statement of intent, probably out of fear, to be honest. He doesn't know what's going to happen, but this was quite common, and by the way, is still common. When nations are going to make peace, they usually send diplomats. It's not like the president and that person's prime minister or king or dictator get together. Diplomats get together, and they discuss terms of peace.

They use a third party. Now, most conflicts in your life, you'll be able to handle one-on-one. You'll be able to go directly to that person in Matthew 18.

But sometimes, it will require outside help. Sometimes, you'll need to find a spiritually mature, impartial person who can sit in the room and observe how these people communicate and how they respond in their communication. And because in any conflict, emotions can be very edgy, a third party can help calm the waters and remind one party, well, he didn't say it that way. That's not what I heard. This is what I heard, and can restore objectivity.

You don't have to turn there, but you may want to just, if you're taking notes, and I hope you do take notes, because otherwise, you'll forget 95% of any message. But 1 Corinthians chapter six, go read that sometime. 1 Corinthians chapter six, the whole beginning part of the chapter is this. You know, Paul is saying, why are you guys taking each other to court as believers in Christ?

What are you suing each other for? Can't you find a single, mature, spiritual person in your midst who can be an arbitrator, a mediator, and help resolve this conflict? So that's the third party. And even Jesus himself said, when you're gonna make peace with somebody, and you go to that person alone, if they don't listen to you, you bring one or two others with you, that's the injection of a third party.

So use a third party. Number two, second tip. Bathe the conflict in prayer.

Now, this almost goes without saying, but because we do forget the simplest things we stated. Bathe the conflict in prayer. Go down to verse nine, Jacob said, oh God, he's praying now, oh God of my father Abraham, and God of my father Isaac, the Lord who said to me, return to your country and to your family, and I will deal well with you. I am not worthy of the least of all the mercies and of all the truth which you have shown your servant, for I crossed over this Jordan with my staff, not staff of people, but like wooden stick, and I have now become two companies. Deliver me, I pray, from the hand of my brother, from the hand of Esau, for I fear him, lest he come and attack me and the mother with the children.

For you said, I will surely treat you well and make your descendants as the sand of the sea which cannot be numbered for a multitude. Okay, so clearly Jacob is scared that Esau is going to make good on his promise years before and kill him. But what I want you to see is what he does. He prays, he prays. He realizes peacemaking is impossible in my own strength.

I can send a third party, but peacemaking apart from God just won't work. So he includes God in the process. Did you know that God should be our first response rather than our last resort? Why is it that he's our last resort?

Why is it that we even say stuff like this? There's nothing left to do except pray. Well dude, you should have started there. Then you wouldn't be so freaked.

Bathe it in prayer, begin in prayer. It should be your first response, not your last resort. You know what most people do in conflict? They don't talk to God, they talk to others. That's called gossip. That doesn't resolve the conflict, that just spreads the conflict. Rather than talking to others about others, talk to God about others.

Talking to others about others is gossip. Talking to God about others is prayer, and that works. So he talked to God, bathed in prayer. Third tip, bring a token. Bring a token. You say, what is a token? Well, a token's a gift.

Now again, not always, but sometimes. Let's look at what he does, verse 13. So he lodged there that same night.

This is chapter 32 of Genesis, verse 13. He lodged there that night and took what came to his hand as a present, a token, a gift, for Esau, his brother. Let's see what he gave him.

Like, did he give him flowers or candy? No, he gave him 200 female goats and 20 male goats, 200 ewes and 20 rams, 30 milk camels with their colts, 40 cows, 10 bulls, 20 female donkeys, and 10 foals. He gave his brother 550 animals. He gave him a farm, a zoo.

Now probably, he thought, by this largess, he's gonna pacify his brother. It's gonna be just a great statement of generosity. I am not suggesting that you try to buy a person off. I am not suggesting that you can erase months or years of conflict and resentment by a little gift. But when it's part of the total package, the total plan, the using of the third party, the bathing it in prayer, and some of the other things, it will show the earnest attitude that you have to be a blessing to that person. You're there not to take, you're there to give.

You're there to be a blessing to them and to make amends. Proverbs 18, 16 says, "'A man's gift makes room for him "'and brings him before great men.'" The idea of making room is it opens that person's heart up. It makes room in that person's heart for you.

It provides access that has been shut up up to this point. It takes them off guard. They don't expect that gift. Jesus said, if somebody wants to sue you to take your shirt, what do you do? Do you counter sue him?

Is that what Jesus said? Somebody wants to sue you to take your shirt, counter sue him. No, he said, give him your cloak also. Give him a gift.

Give him more than he's trying to get. That'll flip him out. That'll take him off guard.

So bring a token. Number four, fourth tip, making peace. When you make peace, walk with a limp.

Walk with a limp. So we don't have time to go through the whole story, but while he's going on to meet his brother Laban, he meets the angel of the Lord. He's called the angel of the Lord by one of the other prophets. The angel of the Lord meets with him, and Jacob and the angel get into a wrestling match that lasts all night. Let me take you down to verse 24. So Jacob is left alone, and a man wrestled with him until the breaking of day. Verse 25, now when he saw, that is the angel of the Lord saw, that he did not prevail against him. In other words, Jacob is just, he's a fighter.

He just won't let go. He touched the socket of his hip, and the socket of Jacob's hip was out of joint as he wrestled with him. So Jacob gets into a wrestling match with an angel. By the end of it, probably toward morning, his hip is out of joint, which means that when he sees Laban later on that day, number one, he's really tired because he'd been wrestling all night. Number two, when he saw his brother Laban, he's probably walking like this.

It's out of joint, right? He's walking with a limp. He's walking with a limp. So he's not filled with strength and power.

He's walking with a limp. Why is that significant? Because it's so appropriate. You remember what Jacob means, the name Jacob? It means heel catcher. Because when those two boys were born, Esau came out first. Jacob came out second.

They were twins. Jacob came out grabbing the heel of Esau. So they called him heel catcher. That's his name, one who grabs the heel. And it proved to be prophetic because he tripped his brother by stealing his blessing later on. So I love the fact that heel catcher is caught.

And heel catcher is walking with a limp. So he comes in not with hubris, but with humility because he's walking with a limp. So in conflict, follow this advice. Be humble.

Go low. Because pride, arrogance, smugness, desire for revenge, all of these are the enemies of peace. Remember, you forgive because you've been forgiven.

You love because you've been loved by God. You clear the path because the path has been cleared for you. Be humble or you'll stumble. That's number four.

Number five, fifth little tip in the details here. Let down your guard. Let down your guard. Typically when people go into the room to make peace, whether it's a husband and wife or whether it's people who are at business and at odds with each other and you have an arbitrator, a mediator, usually things begin very formal.

And they can stay that way, but real healing takes place when the parties let their guard down. So I want you to watch this in verse three of chapter 33. Genesis 33, verse three. Then he crossed over before them and bowed himself to the ground seven times until he came near his brother. Now this was all formality.

This is how they did it in those days. So I'm Jacob. Esau's down at the other end of the platform, except he's way, way, way, way far away. As soon as he sees me, I stop and I bow down. I do my little formality like that, right? And then so he knows, that guy just bowed down way, way out there.

So that must be Jacob. Gets a little bit closer. Now he can sort of make me out a little easier and I do the same thing again. I bow down and I get a little bit closer.

I keep doing that seven times. All of that was just formal peacemaking strategy. But, verse four. But Esau ran to meet him and embraced him and fell on his neck and kissed him, and watch this, and they wept. Two grown men, one swore to kill the other, one deathly afraid that he is gonna be dead by nighttime.

They both wept. That's letting your guard down. There's no macho man here.

There's no brave face they put on here. This is just authentic stuff. That touch, that embrace, they've been away so long. And there's a willingness between them to make things right. This is authentic emotion.

Let your guard down. So we have peacemaking defined, we have peacemaking demonstrated, and we have peacemaking detailed. Let's go back and close this thing off in Matthew chapter five, verse nine. Let me give you peacemaking detected. Jesus said, blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God. Notice he doesn't say, blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall become sons of God. You don't become a child of God by being a peacemaker. You become a child of God by receiving Jesus Christ. That's how you become a child of God. John chapter one, verse 12, as many as received him, to them he gave the right to become children of God, to those who believe in his name. That's how you become a child of God. But having become a child of God, you will be called a child of God when you make peace. That is, people will be able to say, you must be related to God. You remind me of God, because God is a God who likes to make peace.

God likes to clear the path. And you're doing that, you must know him. You must be related to him. You must be a child of him.

There's a family resemblance that I see. That's the idea. They will be called sons of God. You know what? Peacemaking is a great advertisement for the God of peace and the Prince of peace. A person who says, man, I want to make peace. I'm a peacemaker. That's your general attitude. You are a great ad for God.

Let me tell you what's not a great ad for God. Grumbling, complaining, being disruptive, being divisive, quarrelsome. Anybody who lives that way, we have a doubt to question that person's walk with the Lord. Blessed, oh how happy to be envied, blissful, satisfied are the peacemakers. They will be called.

We can detect that they are children of God. So peacemakers seek solutions, not arguments. Peacemakers calm the waters.

They don't stir them up. Peacemakers work for reconciliation, not division. Peacemakers lower their voices rather than raise their voices.

And peacemakers generate more light than they do heat. That's a peacemaker. Blessed are the peacemakers. Now, as we close, just remember where the peace initiative began. Peace initiative from God began at the cross.

At the cross, God was building a bridge so that God and humanity could come together, could be reconciled. Romans chapter five, verse 10, we were reconciled to God through the death of His Son. There was a husband and wife who had the worst possible experience, and that is the death of a child. Their only son died. They buried Him and tried to work through it, but as is so often the case, the relationship was so utterly strained after that that they broke up. They were estranged from one another, and he, the husband, moved to another side of the country.

The wife stayed in town. Years passed after that son's death, and the husband was back in town for business. And what was the first place he did? What was the first place he would visit?

The grave of his son. He went to the cemetery, stood there for hours, wept, had memories of the past. It was a very difficult moment.

It was a healing moment at the same time. And as he was about to leave, he heard footsteps behind him, and he turned around and he saw, guess who? His estranged wife, who was also visiting the cemetery that morning.

Their first response in seeing each other was to be repulsed, to pull away, to turn away. But they didn't because they had a mutual interest in that one grave. So, instead they clasped hands and began a reconciliation process. They were reconciled over the death of their only son. We are reconciled to God over the death of his only son.

As painful as that was for the father, it brought you and I to him. We are reconciled to God through the death of his son. We'd like to have peace internationally. There will not be peace among the nations of the world until there's peace in the individual nations themselves. There will not be peace in the individual nations themselves until there's peace in the communities within the nations themselves. There will not be peace in the communities of those nations until there's peace dwelling in the hearts of the people that live in those communities. And there will not be peace in the hearts of those people until the Prince of Peace occupies stage center, the throne of a life. I wonder if you've done that. I wonder if you've allowed him to occupy the throne of you, where he is your Lord, your savior, your master.

If not, it's a perfect day to do it. That concludes Skip Heitzig's message from his series, Give Peace a Chance. Now, here's Skip to share how you can keep this broadcast going strong, connecting more people like you to the gospel of Jesus. God's truth is the best foundation you can build your life on.

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Next week, Skip Heitzig shares about a future of peace you can look forward to and a personal peace you can have now. Make a connection. Make a connection at the foot of the crossing. Make a connection, cast all burdens on His word. Make a connection, a connection. Connect with Skip Heitzig is a presentation of Connection Communications, connecting you to God's never changing truth in ever changing times.