The Destructive Harvest of a Bitter Heart - Part B

See, when your heart is bitter, God will not be real to you. And that's because hatefulness and holiness cannot dwell in the same heart.

They're exclusive. So instead of letting that seed grow and grow and branch out a root system, you need to plant your life in better soil. Listen to Paul's words in Ephesians 3, A Christian pastor once said, Today on Connect with Skip Heitzig, Skip shares how you can take your eyes off a bitter situation and focus it on Jesus instead. But first, Skip wants to share about another way you can hear these encouraging Bible messages.

Remember to check your local listing. Now, we're in Hebrews chapter 12, as we dive into our study with Skip Heitzig. So, the picture in Hebrews chapter 12 is discouragement has planted a seed of hurt, the hurt has turned to anger, the anger becomes resentment, and eventually the resentment becomes bitterness. According to Stephen Diamond, a PhD on this subject, he defines bitterness as a chronic and pervasive state of smoldering resentment. And I thought that was very picturesque, a smoldering resentment. And he said he regards this as one of the most destructive and toxic of all human emotions. So bitterness begins with small seeds. But then it grows.

And the second characteristic, the second attribute I want you to see is that bitterness requires the right kind of soil. So you look at something and notice it in verse 15 if you don't mind. The author says, looking carefully, that means paying attention very diligently, looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God. Now the truth is you can never outstrip or outrun the grace of God. The Bible says where sin abounds, grace overflows.

But you can come short of it. You can lose sight of the grace of God. And when a person misses the grace of God in his or her life, they become susceptible to a life of bitterness.

Why? Because when we forget how gracious God was to us, then we cease being gracious to other people. And why aren't we gracious?

Well, this is what you deserve, this is not what I deserve. You know, we start forgetting just how merciful and gracious God was to us. So we need to grow in grace. Because if we don't grow in grace, bad things can grow in us. And one of those bad things is this, bitterness.

Now some soils are easier to plant things in than others. So it is with human hearts. There are some people's hearts that are just ripe for growing a harvest of bitterness.

And what kind of heart is that? People who hold on to things and never let them go. If we keep ruminating on wrongs in the past, keep chewing on something that somebody did to us in the past, it begins to affect us in the present. And it becomes an essential part of who we are. It is our new identity. We are that hurt one.

We are the victim. Let me tell you a story of somebody who was like that in the Bible. She didn't start out that way. Her name was Naomi in the book of Ruth. Naomi is a name that means pleasant, agreeable, friendly.

What a great name. Here comes Miss Pleasant. I can see her coming down the road and Bethlehem smiling at everybody. Well, she gets married and has kids. There's a famine in the land of Israel in Bethlehem where she's from.

That's sort of the breadbasket of ancient Israel. It forces her family to go out and seek food in Moab, a neighboring country. And things go from bad to worse. She loses her husband, Elimelech. She loses her two boys, Malon and Killian.

They both die. So she's bereft of three males in her family. All of that pain that occurs to her becomes a seed that grows in her heart, a seed of anger that becomes bitterness toward God.

God's the only one left that she can blame, so she blames God. So she comes back to Bethlehem because now there's food back in the land of Israel. She comes back to town. People see her and they go, Oh look, Naomi's back.

Miss Pleasant is back with us. And listen to her response. She said, Don't call me Naomi, which means pleasant.

Call me Mara. The word means bitter. Now she's defining herself as a bitter person.

Self-admission. Don't call me pleasant. You call me bitter.

Now listen to why. For the Almighty has dealt very bitterly with me. I went out full, not really true, and the Lord brought me home again empty. The Lord has testified against me.

The Almighty has afflicted me. Now in that little group of sentences, four times she blames God. Four times she says, I'm bitter and it's God's fault. Four times she says, I'm not happy and it's God's fault. She has now defined her very life by that destructive emotion of bitterness.

And that'll happen. Bitterness turns you into a perpetual victim, which is a bad place to be, but it's a very convenient place to be. Because if you're always the victim, you can justify your anger.

I'm angry and I have a right to be angry. If you're always a victim, you hold on to that anger. You blame others. It's always somebody else's fault. You play the victim.

And if you analyze it carefully and biblically, you'll discover something. Bitterness is really a form of pride. Because in bitterness you are saying, God, I don't deserve this.

By the way, it's not smart to pray, God give me what I deserve. Because what you deserve is far from what you may think you deserve. But this is a form of pride to say, I don't deserve this, I deserve much better.

So, when a hurt comes your way, if it's a word somebody says, if it's an action somebody does, don't let that take root in your heart. You can't let that thing continue to grow. Don't water it with self-exalting thoughts. Don't fertilize it with other people's sympathies.

You've got to root it out. Because if you hold on to it, it's going to grab hold of you and not let you go. The world is filled with people who have not dealt with past hurts. And people who don't deal with past hurts, there's a profile that they eventually fit into. They are critical. They notice bad things around them, not good things. Always they notice all the bad things. Not only are they hypercritical, but they're fault finders, they're sin sniffers. Somebody's rotting around here, I can smell sin. And when they talk about people, they can't help themselves, there's going to be a put down in that conversation somewhere.

It's going to go negative. Bitterness is what puts a scowl on one's face and puts venom in one's words. It's bitterness that has grown.

So it begins with small seeds, it requires the right kind of soil for it to grow. But the third characteristic, the third attribute is that bitterness develops deep roots. Again, look at verse 15, Looking carefully, lest anyone fall short of the grace of God, lest any root of bitterness springing up causes trouble, and by this many become defiled. Now this whole root of bitterness thing, the author of Hebrews didn't come up with this on his own. He is referring, I believe, to a text in the Old Testament, Deuteronomy 29, where the author is writing what God said to the people of Israel. Deuteronomy 29, the Lord said, There shall not be among you those with a root bearing bitterness or wormwood. And the meaning of that in Deuteronomy 29 originally refers to those people who are superficially identified with the God of Israel, but they're going back to their old roots, paganism. They're leaving the covenant relationship, they're forsaking the grace of God, forgetting the covenant of God, and they're not bearing spiritual fruit. Their life is defined by a root of bitterness, not a sweet root, not one that grows good fruit.

Here's the larger point. People who let a seed like this grow in the soil of their hearts eventually develop a root system that grows and grows larger and grows stronger, and pretty soon becomes immovable. Why is it called a root? Because it's hidden, you don't see it. You walk over roots of trees all the time, they're growing underneath you. They're not apparent at first, at first.

They will be apparent later on because the root is going to produce fruit. But at first it's hidden. And while it grows hidden, unseen, it grows stronger. And it can be destructive. I have this tree in the back of my house and I've used it in many illustrations, but one thing that you need to know is that when it was growing early on and it's grown quite large, I had people tell me, you've got to get rid of that. This kind of tree can destroy houses, can destroy foundations. Because the roots tend to be surface roots and they can just break things up and break foundations up and break heating ducts up. But I love this tree, I haven't gotten rid of it.

Well, I have paid a consequence for it because my back porch shows a nice, long, crowning crack. Because one of the roots of that tree, put it there, it can be very destructive. And so a root of bitterness will grow its tentacles around your heart and choke off spiritual life and choke off emotional life and will dominate your life if you let it. And so Paul says, no wonder he says this in Ephesians 3, get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander and every form of malice. Some people are bitter at their parents. Some people are bitter at churches, some people are bitter at leaders, some people are bitter at their ex-spouses, some people are bitter at their current spouses. Bitterness destroys homes. Colossians 3, verse 19, Paul says, husbands love your wives and do not be bitter toward them.

Sometimes rather than a husband or wife being the better half, they're the bitter half. And it's a big problem among God's people. I think bitterness holds back the power of God.

Our life gets so clogged by this root system, we need to get Roto-Rooter in there now. Because the power of God is sort of just, the drain is clogged. God wants to move, but our bitter hearts block Him from doing that. See, when your heart is bitter, God will not be real to you. And that's because hatefulness and holiness cannot dwell in the same heart.

They're exclusive. So instead of letting that seed grow and grow and branch out a root system, you need to plant your life in better soil. Listen to Paul's words in Ephesians 3, being rooted and grounded in love. And again in Colossians chapter 2, being rooted and built up in Him. And so when you sink your life into the rich soil of God's love and into that rich soil and life of God's character, that's the soil.

That's where you want to be plugged into. In Ephesians 3, which I just mentioned, I'm going to read two verses in the New Living Translation. Ephesians 3, 17 and 18, listen up. I pray that Christ will be more and more at home in your hearts as you trust Him. May your roots go down deep into the soil of God's marvelous love and may you have the power to understand, as all God's people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep His love really is.

Wouldn't you rather live there? Wouldn't you rather be plugged into that kind of soil so that it's inexhaustible, oh, the love of God in all directions? Well, once you grow the right root, you'll get the right fruit, which leads us to the fourth attribute of bitterness, and that is, bitterness will produce bad fruit. So it begins as a seed, you allow it to grow, you nurture it, you hold onto it, you ruminate over it, you chew on it, it grows, it develops a root system, and over time it produces something, and it's always bad.

Would you look at verse 15 to see what he says? Looking carefully lets anyone fall short of the grace of God, lest any root of bitterness, now watch this, springing up, ah, now it's not hidden anymore. Now it springs up through the soil, and when you walk by it in the spring or summer, you see it now. So that's what's happened to this little tree of mine. Those little roots have not only busted through the concrete, but every spring they sprout these little extra trees.

It's sort of like saying, we're here and we're taking over. And it just springs up through the soil, now watch what it does. Springing up causes trouble, that means it causes you trouble.

Some translations say troubling you. So first of all, the root grows in your direction, and then, notice the second part, and by this, that is, by it growing toward you and ruining you, by this, many become defiled. So the root of bitterness, the root of bitterness always grows in two different directions. Toward you, if you harbor bitterness, and toward others who are defiled by it. Bitterness is like taking poison, hoping that your enemy will die. You go, oh good, I'm going to get that person back, poison.

When's it going to happen? And all the while, it's self-destructive. You're the one being corroded. Bitterness is a form of emotional suicide. It saps the peace of mind out of your life.

Dr. Leon Seltzer said, it can, that is, bitterness can lead to long-lasting anxiety and depression. It can precipitate vengeful or violent acts. It can create an attitude of cynicism. It can rob you of potential joys. It can interfere with healthy, satisfying relationships, and it can undermine your physical health.

Who wants that? That's what it does to the person who harbors it and dishes it out. Destroys that person.

And let me add another one. It can ruin your relationship with God. It won't sever it, it won't take it away, but it'll ruin it. 1 John 4, verse 20, If someone says, I love God, but hates another Christian or a brother, that person is a liar.

For if we don't love people we can see, how can we love God whom we have not seen? There's an old saying that goes, Bitterness does more damage to the vessel in which it is stored than to anyone upon which it is poured. You think that that bitterness is going to satisfy your heart and get back at that person. It's really, the damage is being done in you. Second, it grows not only toward you but toward others.

Notice that last part. It says, by this, that is by you, by destroying you, by this, many become defiled. I was reading the words of a pastor who said, I have a lady in my church who's in her 80s. 50 years ago her aunt said something to her that was very hurtful. And she held on to that pain to this day. And when she tells the story of what her aunt said to her, she tells it in such vivid detail and with such emotional outbreak, it's as if it happened to her yesterday. She is as emotional about what happened 50 years ago as it just freshly happened to her. So he said, 50 years later, and she is still in the hands of the torturer.

50 years later and she's still defiling many by that telling of those details that happened way back when. In the book of Acts chapter 8, it's a great story but it's a sad story. It's a great story in that Philip left Jerusalem and goes up to Samaria and he preaches the gospel and people in Samaria hear it, they respond, they believe in Jesus or revival breaks out and many people in that city are physically healed, miraculously healed. So the gospel goes out in great power. The bad part is there's a guy in town in Samaria named Simon the sorcerer, Simon Magus. And he had been tricking these people a long time. They all thought he was something special because he had all these wonder working tricks. So in come the evangelists, they preach the gospel, people believe in Jesus, they get physically healed. Now they get top billing and old Simon the sorcerer over here is kind of like, nobody's watching my channel anymore. So he gets all upset and goes to the apostles, he's angry, goes to the apostles and he offers to give them money to buy the power of the Holy Spirit, it says. Hey, what does that cost?

I want to do that trick. That's cool. And Peter turns to him and says, you are poisoned by bitterness and you are bound by iniquity. See the disciples, these apostles are getting more attention than Simon is. And he's angry and he's bitter and Peter nailed it. He says, you are poisoned by bitterness.

And then Peter says this, repent. Okay, now that I've exposed that root in you, turn from it, root it out, turn around, repent, that perhaps the thought of your heart would be forgiven you. The words bitter and better both start with B and end with ter. But what is the difference between better and bitter?

Single letter. When you put I in that word, it's bitter. When you take I out of that word, it's bitter. When you put I in it, and that's always the problem, when it's always about I, me, myself, what I deserve, you are prone to become a bitter person. When you take I out, and it's not about what I want, it's what thy will be done. Thy kingdom come, not I, but Him, you.

Life gets so much better. And I know, I'm absolutely certain that everyone here has something or someone in their background that they could use as an excuse to get bitter. It could potentially cause bitterness if you let it. And that's why we need to bring it to the foot of the cross and say, it's yours, God, I give it to You.

I give my life to You. I lay my pain down before You. Because even those people who have caused such pain, think of it as God's course correction, because the author here uses Jesus as an example. Look at those mean people, those bad people who arrested Jesus and treated Him horribly and put Him on a cross. Yeah, but the cross was the best thing that ever happened to humanity. So the worst thing becomes the best thing. Couldn't God do that with us? Couldn't all those bitter things that happened in the past actually make you a better person?

Yeah, if you take I out. If you take I out and put thy in there, it's all about Him, what you want, what you're doing in my life. Life gets so much better rather than bitter.

That concludes Skip Heitzig's message from the series White Collar Sends. Right now, we want to share about a great resource that will encourage you even more in your faith. What would it look like if God threw a party? Well, the Old Testament shows that the Jewish calendar is anchored with regular, mandatory holidays and celebrations. And the Book of Esther says that God wants His people to experience light and gladness, joy and honor at such times.

Sound like your family celebrations? Listen to this insight from Skip Heitzig about one of our own regular holidays, Valentine's Day. For God so loved. That's the essence of His nature. The Bible says God is love.

Boy, that is so simple to say and it's so hard for some of us to believe. Happiness, Holiness and Holidays is a four-DVD collection of celebration messages from Pastor Skip, messages that could be a game changer for your family. Take holidays from toxic stress to celebrations of light and joy.

Here's a sample. Loved by God, not because you deserve it, but because, just because. That is His nature.

It is His decision. Imagine that foundation for the next holiday on your family calendar. This selection of some of Pastor Skip's holiday teachings is our thanks when you give $25 or more to help connect more people to God's Word. Visit connectwithskip.com slash offer to give online securely or call 800-922-1888 and request your copy of Happiness, Holiness and Holidays with Skip Heitzig.

Thank you for tuning in today. We're passionate about helping you strengthen your walk with God and you can be a part of connecting others to Jesus in the same way when you give a gift to help keep these teachings you love on the air. Just call 800-922-1888. That's 800-922-1888 or visit connectwithskip.com slash donate.

That's connectwithskip.com slash donate. Thank you. Tune in tomorrow as Skip Heitzig talks about the power of your words and how you can use them to glorify God and strengthen others. Proverbs 12 verse 18. There is one who speaks like the piercings of a sword but the tongue of the wise promotes help. You see how you got a bad way to use your tongue, a good way to use your tongue. There's the potential. Which way are you going to choose? Make a connection Make a connection at the foot Of the crossing Cast all burdens on His word Make a connection A connection Connect with Skip Heitzig is a presentation of Connection Communications, connecting you to God's never-changing truth in ever-changing times.