When he writes this to believing wives yoked to unbelieving husbands, he has in mind a wife who has already repeatedly shared the gospel with her husband. But the time comes when he has heard it all. And he needs something stronger than just words. And that is a life that he can see.
No matter how much they try. Instead, focus on how you look on the inside. Today on Connect with Skip Heitzig, Skip highlights how you can make a lasting inward change in your life. But before we begin, we want to let you know about a resource that shows you how you can live in the peace of Jesus and free from your worries.
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800-922-1888 or give online securely at connectwithskip.com slash offer. Now we're in 1 Peter chapter three as Skip Heitzig gets into today's message. In ancient times, the wife was just, it was assumed that she would follow whatever religious inclinations her husband had. Whatever religion he followed, that's what she would do. She would never individuate. She would never like choose a different religion. And so for there to be a relationship where you have a husband who is either worshiping another god, like a Roman god or a different system, and a wife who has become a Christian, in a society where Christianity was already labeled as subversive and possibly upsetting to the culture, big issues existed. So what is the Christian wife to do? She's in that relationship.
It's volatile. Her husband is not a believer. She is. There's pressure from the state, from the community and from her husband. What should she do? Should she just dump her unbelieving husband and go find the man of her dreams who's a Christian? There's some who would say, that's what you do.
And now she can go free at last, free at last, God almighty, I'm free at last. No, Peter would say no. And Paul would say no. As hard as it is to hear, there's something else to be done. Before we jump into the text, I want to read something to you, quote something to you by Zig Ziglar who wrote this, I have no way of knowing whether or not you married the wrong person. I do know that many people have a lot of wrong ideas about marriage and what it takes to make that marriage happy and successful.
I'll be the first to admit that it is possible that you did marry the wrong person. However, if you treat the wrong person like the right person, you could well end up having married the right person after all. With that in mind, we're going to jump into our text and I'm going to give you three marks, three marks of a tender hearted woman.
Don't worry women, we're going to get to men, equal time next week. This is three marks of a tender hearted woman and the name of this message is the irresistible beauty of a tender heart. Three marks, her actions, her attitude, her admiration. Her actions speak louder than her words. Her attitude is her prettiest feature and her admiration is more biblical than conventional. We begin in verse 1 of chapter 3 where we ought to begin, her actions speak louder than her words. Look what Peter writes. Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they without a word may be won by the conduct of their wives. When they observe or watch or carefully scrutinize, it could be translated, your chaste conduct accompanied by fear.
See, this is a case of treating the wrong person like the right person and discovering you may have married the right person after all as the Lord uses that relationship to win the unbelieving spouse. Now again let me take you back to the first century when this was written. The Greco-Roman culture gave women virtually no rights at all.
Very, very different from today's world. An unmarried woman living at home lived under a Roman law known as patria potestas, the absolute authority of the Roman father over the child. In fact, when I say absolute, I mean that Roman law gave the father the right if he chose to even execute his children without any legal repercussions whatsoever. He owned those children, he has absolute right and authority over those children, so the daughter under that kind of a world was under total control and domination by her dad. Then came the day for her marriage when the dad entrusted that daughter into the hands of another man, a husband. At that point, the husband was the owner of the wife.
Like he owned many things, he now owned the wife. Now I'm telling you all this because some of you may have read ahead and you're wondering by now, so how come Peter's words are like six times longer for the women than they are for the dude? Six verses to the chick, one verse to the husband.
What's up with that? Well now you know because the position of being a wife in those days was much more complicated and much more difficult. And so if the husband converts to Christianity, the wife is going to follow to some degree. But if the wife decides she's going to follow Jesus, there is going to be trouble. So six verses are devoted. There's a couple of basic ground rules.
Both are seen here, both are fleshed out in other parts of the New Testament. Two basic things that Paul and Peter here would say to a believing wife married to an unbelieving husband. Number one, continuation. Stick with it. Don't leave him. Don't say because now he's an unbeliever and now I'm a believer. I've converted, he hasn't.
Now I'm in an unequal yoke, I need to dump that guy and go find somebody else. Now what Paul says in 1 Corinthians 7 is that the unbelieving spouse is sanctified. Remember that text? Sanctified by the believer. That is placed in a special set apart position for accessibility by God's Holy Spirit into the life of that person because of the influence of that believer. God has a unique access to reach and save a person.
They're sanctified by the believer. Second, submission. Continuation and then second, submission.
And that's his idea here. Wives, likewise. Meaning just like all of the other incidences of submission I've already written to you about, whether government or workplace or Jesus Christ to the Father's will, wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husband.
Please do not hear that word wrong. Submission does not infer some kind of moral inferiority or intellectual inferiority or spiritual inferiority. Just like the previous examples. If you have a government leader and you have a citizen and the citizen submits to the government leader doesn't make the government leader superior or a better person than the citizen. In fact, in many cases, the citizen is far superior to the government leader. But you need to submit to keep order in that society or in the workplace. A master over a servant doesn't mean the master is any more intellectually better or superior or any other means loftier, but there needs to be order.
So submission. A Christian woman and a Christian man are equal. Galatians chapter 3.
There is neither male nor female. We are all one in Christ. So mark that, please, especially you men who love the text every time there's a Bible text that says, wives, submit. You got it underlined, highlighted in yellow, memorized in every verse. You know it in the Greek. Submission.
I love that Bible text. It doesn't mean you've joined the military now and you can make, you mouthed off 20 pushups right now. That's not the idea of submission.
It does not imply superiority of a male or inferiority of a female, but rather it's for functionality of the relationship. But we have a problem. The problem is Peter is speaking to believers, telling them to submit to an unbeliever.
Now wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. Unbeliever? You want me to submit to the unbeliever? How can I submit my life to somebody who isn't submitted to Christ? Well, first of all, you know, you know this, that it doesn't mean that you can submit to him when he tells you to do something sinful and against God's will. We've already covered that.
You know that. So if your husband says, honey, let's get drunk and knock off that bank on the corner. Okay, honey, I'm going to submit. You don't do that because it would be un-submissive to the Lord's will. So the idea of submit to a husband is to respond to him.
To relinquish your rights that you might serve his needs. John Piper offers this, the husband does not replace Christ as the woman's supreme authority. She must never follow her husband's leadership into sin. But even where a Christian wife may have to stand with Christ against the sinful will of her husband, she can still have a spirit of submission. She can show by her attitude and behavior that she does not like resisting his will and that she longs for him to forsake his sin and lead in righteousness so that her disposition to honor him as head can again produce harmony.
Well said. Now look at verse 1 again. Be submissive to your own husbands that even if some do not obey the word.
Stop right there. What word? What word is he talking about? Some do not obey this word, God's word. In other words, if that guy is an unbeliever, he doesn't believe in Scripture, he doesn't rest under God's authority, he does not obey the word. He's an unbeliever. It continues to say if some do not obey the word, they without a word.
Stop right there. What word is that talking about? Her word, not the Bible's word. They don't obey the word, so they can without a word, he says, may be won by the conduct of their wives. Okay. This does not mean that a wife never has to say anything in terms of her testimony or the gospel.
I used to hear this crazy saying years ago. Preach the gospel. By all means, preach the gospel and if necessary, use words.
Okay, it's always necessary to use words. And Peter isn't saying don't speak, don't use your words. He already said in chapter 1 verse 23 that we are born again not by incorruptible seed or by corruptible seed but incorruptible seed which is the word of God. So when he writes this to believing wives yoked to unbelieving husbands, he has in mind a wife who has already repeatedly shared the gospel with her husband. But the time comes when he has heard it all and he needs something stronger than just words. And that is a life that he can see.
You know what it's like. It's human nature. When you hear the same message repeated over and over again, after a while you turn off to it. Whether it's the Christmas story or the Easter story or Jesus died on a cross, we've heard it so many times, it just doesn't impact us the same. Now when you're young, when you're a kid and your parents tell you the same speech over and over again, do you remember what your reaction was? It was something like this. That was my reaction. My dad had like five or six of these little speeches he would pull out. I could always finish them for him. I knew what he was going to say.
And he'd pull it out and he'd say a job worth doing is worth doing well. Now when I was a kid and I'm listening to this and I am so not interested in this. Although everything I remember looking back that he said was so right and so good and so helpful.
But I had just heard it enough that I'm turning off to it. So that's the idea. She has shared the word with him. The time has come where he needs more than just her words. I guess you could say nagging your husband will not convert him. Badgering your husband into the kingdom of God, arguing with him will not be helpful. Any atmosphere of high pressure Christianity is always not effective and especially in the home. Have you ever tried to think of it from the vantage point of an unbelieving husband?
Let me help you. An unbelieving husband married to a Christian wife already feels threatened. Already feels threatened.
Here's why. My wife is in love with somebody else that I can't see. When we got married we swore that nothing would come between us. Now something has come between us.
She's in love with somebody I don't even see. Now suddenly I am demoted to number two. I'm not number one anymore.
Jesus is number one. It's very off setting. So the precarious balancing act of a wife trying to influence her husband without alienating her husband to keep the equilibrium in the relationship goes on. And he's thinking she's always gone on Sundays. She's got those weird Christian friends.
She sings these songs I've never heard of before. Now let's make matters a little worse. Maybe he's married to the kind of Christian wife who's very, very zealous and creative in her evangelism. So when he comes home at night she's got the television evangelist cranked up to ten and just like infuriates him. But he needs to hear the truth. Or she decides to go into the garage at night and turn his car audio system to Christian radio with super glue. Or stuff tracks under his pillow or in his lunch box. Or set his mobile device phone to John 3 16. Or perhaps when they have family meals she wants to say I'll pray. Let's bow our heads.
And I wonder how many here would say yes to Jesus and raise their... And it's like turns it into an evangelistic event. And he's thinking I don't even know this woman. She's like a freak. Peter's counsel. Be a good wife. Be a good wife. What William Barclay called the silent preaching of a lovely life.
Isn't that a great description? The silent preaching of a lovely life. If you know church history at all you've heard of Augustine or Augustine. However you would like to pronounce it.
Same dude. Third century bishop in northern Africa. His mother Monica was a believer in Jesus. His father Patricius was an unbeliever. Augustine writes of the tension in the home.
And in one of his writings as if it's a prayer to God he writes what happened. She served her husband as her master and did all she could to win him for you. Speaking to him of you and by her conduct by which you made her so beautiful. Finally when her husband was at the end of his earthly span she gained him for you.
You get the drift? He was converted by her lifestyle that he observed over a course of time. The silent preaching of a lovely life. So her actions speak louder than her words.
Number two. Her attitude is her prettiest feature. Verse three. Do not let your adornment be merely outward arranging the hair wearing gold putting on fine apparel.
Rather let it be the hidden person of the heart with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and a quiet spirit which is very precious in the sight of God. Now this is not a legalistic band on fashion or style. Listen everybody appreciates beauty okay.
And you're not going to get away from it. It's a 17 billion dollar per year industry. We all like beauty. God created beauty. We admire beauty.
And when a person makes themselves look better there's not a problem with that. And do you know it's not just a modern concept it goes all the way back into antiquity. They've done archaeological digs in Rome and they found that in 2,000 years ago when this was written. Women dyed their hair sometimes weird bold colors. They also wore wigs and you know what the most popular color of a wig was 2,000 years ago. Yes a blonde wig. Can you imagine that in the Roman Empire 2,000 years ago blondes had more fun.
Yeah I know you're thinking well those are just worldly Romans. No they found these wigs in Christian catacombs. So beauty and fashion was always a part of every culture. And even in the Bible the bride in the Song of Solomon is complimented for the ornaments on her cheeks. And the chains of gold around her neck and the beautiful sandals that she wore. Or in the New Testament Jesus gave a parable about the prodigal son and when the prodigal son returns.
The father put a beautiful his best robe on his son and a ring on his finger. So fashion is important and I'm saying that because I think it's possible for an unkempt wife to actually discourage her husband. But I have seen and heard preachers go crazy with this verse. Make up is of the devil. Well really I've heard of a southern saying I don't know where I heard it from. If the barn needs painting paint it. I like that one.
Listen I've looked in the mirror lately. No paints going to help. I'm kind of beyond the painting stage.
But here's the deal. Paint the house. Okay the barn needs painting paint it. Paint the house but then go inside the house and furnish it with holiness. Deck it out with character.
That's the point that Peter is making. Proverbs 31 says charm is deceitful. Beauty is passing but a woman who fears the Lord she will be praised. And you've discovered right that beauty and charm are deceitful.
I mean you go into a store and you see those magazines up by the counter. Lose 30 pounds by Valentine's Day. Have younger looking skin in 14 days. There's always that promise that allure of beauty and betterness and miracles. And Peter's saying hey it's fine to look good but get a spiritual makeover. Or in his words incorruptible beauty. Notice what it says incorruptible beauty. Think about incorruptible because beauty is corruptible. Am I right? The fashion industry the beauty industry depends on one thing.
Ready? Youth. Youth. So that last year's models are today's unemployed.
That's why they have to keep reaching younger every single year. Incorruptible beauty is different. Incorruptible beauty doesn't rely on mascara or lip gloss or skinny jeans. Incorruptible beauty makes a woman look and be more beautiful as the years go on. See you can be stunning on the outside and ugly on the inside. This is an incorruptible beauty. I want you to notice a phrase.
Did you pick it up in verse 4? Hidden person of the heart. Look at that. Rather let it be the hidden person of the heart. Do you know that you have one of those? You have a hidden person of the heart. The hidden person of the heart is the real you. See your reputation is what people perceive you to be. Your character, the real you, the hidden person of the heart. That's who you are when nobody's looking.
You all got one. The hidden person of the heart. What Peter is suggesting, what the Bible is mandating is that we as Christian believers male or female get really concerned about the hidden person of the heart. That wraps up Skip Heitzig's message from his series Rock Solid. Now, here's Skip with an important message. We love sharing how your support is bringing others closer to Jesus than ever before.
Listen to this note a listener sent in. My family and I want to thank Mr. Heitzig for his profound, insightful teaching. We live in England and do home church mainly because there are no churches in our area local or further afield that teaches the gospel with such clarity. We listen to Mr. Heitzig every Sunday, having started from Genesis.
The only churches that have a healthy congregation in number rather than in learning are prosperity ministries. It's a lonely place for us as a Christian family, but we refuse to conform to what is the norm here. That is why we are so grateful to Pastor Heitzig for his wonderful teaching. His teaching isn't just in this home on Sundays.
We listen and discuss together in our home on most days. Please pass on our thanks to the pastor. We are a family of three adults and two children, every blessing to you all. You know, letters like this are possible because of friends like you who give so we can get God's Word out to more people. If you're interested in helping encourage more people with God's Word, keep listening to hear how you can do that through your gift of support today. Give us a call at 800-922-1888 to give a gift today.
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Your generosity will keep his biblical encouragement coming your way and help change lives. And we invite you to visit connectwithskip.com today where you'll find even more of Skip's messages, over 3,500 teachings that unpack the Bible verse by verse to help you tackle life's toughest issues. Once again, that's connectwithskip.com. Now, before we go, tune in to watch Connect with Skip Heitzig on the Hillsong Channel on Saturdays at 4 30 p.m. Mountain or catch it on TBN on Sundays at 5 30 a.m. Eastern. Check your local listings next week. Skip Heitzig shares how you can cultivate a secure, rock solid marriage. Connect with Skip Heitzig is a presentation of Connection Communications, connecting you to God's never changing truth in ever changing times.
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