Weeds of Unfaithfulness in the Garden of Love - Part A

Something about all of the Ten Commandments, and it's just good to remind us ourselves of this as we get in. All of the Ten Commandments were given for protection, not simply a negative command for restriction. The restriction is meant for protection.

Now think about it. Think of, for instance, the Fifth Commandment. Honor your father and your mother. The law builds a fence around the family with that commandment. The law builds a fence of protection around life. And now this commandment, you shall not commit adultery.

The law is building a fence around the institution that God gave of marriage to protect it. Scientists have found the mating habits of birds fascinating, and one thing they specifically study is how long different species of birds remain mates. Some only stay together for a season, while others mate for years. One bird that's outstanding in the faithfulness department is the albatross.

Once chosen, the birds remain mates for life despite spending the majority of their time apart. Well, this is Connect with Skip Heitzig Weekend Edition, and today we'll see that God's plan for marriage includes the intention that we remain faithfully with our mate for our lifetime. And we'll see how that works as Skip dives into the Seventh Commandment with our current teaching series, God's Top Ten.

This series takes us through the Ten Commandments in a fresh and modern way, and as we begin, we invite you to stay tuned after the teaching for some additional insight on the Top Ten. The topic was Skip and his wife, Lania. But first, Skip has a word for you about our current September resource. I've enjoyed watching the growth and the ministry of my friend, Levi Lusko. And now we're offering you his Take Back Your Life Study Guide and DVD.

Here's Levi to tell you about it. It's all around this idea of taking back your life. It's a 40-day interactive journey to thinking right so you can live right. And it's going to be really powerful and special, I think, for people to have this.

Not only is it in hardcover, which just makes me happy because I've never had a book release in hardcover, but it has a ribbon. So you'll be able to keep track of your progress through these 40 days. It would be an incredible gift to someone who is looking to grow in their faith or for any of us who want to maybe kind of do an oil change for your heart, a checkup on your wellness, on where you're at.

It'll deal with internal difficulties and help you deal better with external circumstances that are challenging as we explore how we can get to the very best version of ourselves that we are meant to be. Get the book, Take Back Your Life, with a donation of $35 to connect with Skip. Call 1-800-922-1888 or online at connectwithskip.com. This hardcover book by Levi Lusko will help you take back your life. It's a 40-day interactive journey to thinking right so you can live right. 1-800-922-1888. If you have a Bible close at hand or perhaps a Bible app, I hope you'll follow along today.

The focus of our teaching is Exodus 20, verse 14. Now, here's Pastor Skip. Abigail Van Buren was the gal who started Dear Abby. She's not around anymore, but her daughter continues the same column, the Dear Abby column. Her name is Jean Phillips.

Well, here's a letter that came in and was published in the newspaper. Dear Abby, I'm in love, and I'm having an affair with two different women. I can't marry them both.

Please tell me what to do. And don't give me any of that morality stuff. Abby's answer, Dear Sir, the only difference between humans and animals is morality.

Please write to a veterinarian. Signed, Abby. Adultery is a weed that grows in the beautiful garden that God intended of marriage. It chokes out relational life.

It devastates families. And some will say, Well, that's true, but I have no problem in this area. My spouse and I enjoy a healthy, wonderful marriage. This isn't even an issue. Good.

Congratulations. Let this simply be preventative maintenance then. But I'll also add, be careful. Be careful not to boast, because even the Bible says in Corinthians, Let him who thinks he stand take heed lest he fall. Every single one of us is vulnerable. Every single one of us is vulnerable. Men, we know what it's like to have to handle the eyes. It's a problem with us.

Women, you have a different issue typically, and that is the need to be appreciated, encouraged, comforted, loved. We all can be vulnerable in this area. It could be that some that are listening to this are currently having an affair.

I don't know. Maybe. Maybe right now you're in the middle of that. Or you're contemplating it. And maybe perhaps you've even justified it by saying, Well, not one woman can satisfy me, or one man can satisfy me totally. It's all a trap.

It's all a lie. There was a talk show host talking to his guest that night was Ricardo Montalban, who has played in times past many romantic roles. And the talk show host asked him an interesting question. What makes a great lover? His answer was surprising. He said, A great lover is someone who can satisfy one woman her entire lifetime and be satisfied with one woman his entire lifetime. It's not someone who goes from woman to woman. Any dog can do that.

The audience was stunned. And yet, our society seems to elevate dog-like behavior in sports heroes, musicians, and even politicians. It's looked up to. It's the theme of promiscuity is of songs, movies, primetime television. In fact, it seems that the only unpopular person to be these days is a virgin. Brazilian supermodel Giselle said this, Today, no one is a virgin when they get married. And then she said when she was interviewed recently, When the church made its laws centuries ago, well, women were expected to be virgins. First of all, the church didn't make these laws. These are long before the church ever existed. We're dealing Old Testament. But C.S. Lewis was right when he said, he said, Chastity is the most unpopular of all Christian virtues.

He was right. Now, something about all of the Ten Commandments, and it's just good to remind us ourselves of this as we get in. All of the Ten Commandments were given for protection, not simply a negative command for restriction. The restriction is meant for protection.

Now, think about it. Think of, for instance, the Fifth Commandment. Honor your father and your mother. The law builds a fence around the family with that commandment. The Sixth Commandment, Thou shalt not murder. The law builds a fence of protection around life. And now this commandment, You shall not commit adultery. The law is building a fence around the institution that God gave of marriage to protect it. In fact, it's interesting that in Judaism, there's a little saying, a little phrase called the seyag, which means the fence. They say the law is God's fence built to protect us. Now, I'm saying that because every now and again, you'll hear someone say, you know, all these commandments keep saying, thou shalt not, thou shalt not. They're so negative.

What's up with God? It's because God is so positive, actually, that he's giving the commandment. It really is positive. If you see a sign on a door that says, keep out, now you might think, well, that's so negative, I'm going to go in. Keep reading the sign. It says, keep out, danger, explosives. You go, oh, so I guess it's kind of positive, isn't it?

It's so I don't blow myself to smithereens that that sign, keep out, danger, explosives. So it is with these commandments. Well, we're going to go through this tonight, as well as a portion of Matthew chapter 5, like we have been in a couple of the commandments, because our Lord Jesus makes reference to it. So let's get ready to turn back and forth to Matthew chapter 5. But let's go to this commandment.

It's a simple, straightforward verse. Once again, verse 14 of Exodus chapter 20. You shall not commit adultery. Now, adultery is fashionable socially. I mean, the very fact that it's in the top 10 list here, the very fact that God would include this shows that there's a major problem that his creation has with adultery. And adultery has been a popular sin, always has been, all the way back in the Old Testament. All the way back in the Old Testament. For instance, there was Baal worship in the Old Testament, and the worship of the counterpart Ashtoreth, a god and goddess that were worshipped by sexual means under the groves and on the hillsides of Israel. It got so bad, Baal worship and Ashtoreth worship, that the prophet Amos in chapter 2 of his little book wrote, Father and Son use the same girl and so profane my holy name. They lie down beside every altar on garments taken in a pledge. By the time we get to the law of Moses, this is one of the commandments that is, if broken, punishable by stoning to death.

Now, that law is certainly not in effect in this country, and I can't imagine if it were still in effect in this country, there'd be rock piles everywhere on our landscape. To the Greeks, moving a little bit closer to modern times, the pagan Greeks saw sex as merely a biological activity, had no moral consequence whatsoever. In fact, in the town of Corinth, there was a temple up on the Acro-Corinth, it's still visible in ruins today, where a thousand priestesses would come in the evening down into the city of Corinth and ply their trade to the visiting men of the city. It became very popular to visit Corinth. In fact, there was a saying, not every man can afford a visit to Corinth because of those 1,000 priestess prostitutes that would ply their trade. In fact, the Greeks even coined their own word to describe human sexual love, eros, where we get the term erotic. And you know what it means at its root? Eros means to grasp, because the very thought of erotic love, according to the Greeks, was to take something for yourself simply to satisfy yourself.

It was all self-ish, self-oriented kind of love. Well, today, sexual promiscuity is fashionable, before marriage as well as after marriage. It shouldn't really surprise us, should it? Because Jesus even said that in the last days will be similar to the days of Noah and the days of Sodom and Gomorrah. And both of those times were characterized by widespread sexual promiscuity, both heterosexual and homosexual.

Actress 23-year-old Jessica Alba recently said that she likes the idea of being intimate with many different men because she likes to experiment sexually and finds nothing wrong with getting to know intimately sexually as many men as possible in her lifetime. That's the prevailing attitude. Maybe not as bumped that far out as hers, but it is the prevailing attitude. James Patterson and Peter Kim wrote a book some years ago in which they looked at the American landscape and the activity of adultery. And they noted that 49% of married Americans have at least considered having an affair, but 31% actually have had an affair. That's an alarming amount. According to their findings, they say, quote, Today, a majority of Americans, 62%, think there's nothing morally wrong with the affairs that they're having. In fact, I don't know if you know this.

If you do, it might be frightening. But I was doing a little digging and found out there are even agencies out there that will help spouses provide alibis for their spouses. If they go out of town, they'll have fake companies call inviting them to a conference or sending booking forms for an out-of-town meeting. They'll have phone calls come to the spouse that pose as hotel concierges, saying, Remember your reservation for this meeting that you have coming up?

And even a phone number, supposedly of the hotel, obviously false, that if that spouse calls will answer with the name of the hotel and even sound like they're trying to page the room of that person. It's become a business. And unfortunately, sadly, it's not just outside the church. It's becoming an increasing problem among those who call themselves believers. It's one of the biggest counseling issues we have here, and any church has. I spoke with a pastor this week in another state.

He said, Skip, 90% of my counseling is dealing in some degree with this very issue. That's why the Bible has so many warnings about this, because even great heroes in the Bible have fallen to this. You can think of a few. Samson was one, David another, his son Absalom, Amnon, Joseph was tempted in this area. So this sin, adultery, is fashionable socially. Something else, and this is where we're going to turn now to Matthew chapter 5, the sin is not only fashionable socially, it's formed inwardly.

It's not just an act, is it? It's an attitude that begins in the heart, often through the gateway of the eyes. That's where the seed begins. Matthew chapter 5, something that I think caused the crowd to drop their jaws and open their mouths, especially all the men when Jesus preached this. Matthew 5, verse 27, You have heard that it was said to those of old, You shall not commit adultery. Jesus here is quoting this seventh commandment. But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman, to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart. In other words, if I may paraphrase, the heart is the soil or the seed of sin grows. It's inward way before it's outward. It's incremental.

It's a process. Now, in our commandment that we just read in the Old Testament, You shall not commit adultery, again, the Hebrew is very, very simple and basic. Two words in Hebrew form the entire verse. Lo Naath.

Lo Naath. We would translate it no adultery. Put in by the translators, You shall not commit adultery.

Lo Naath, no adultery, could, could speak about a single action. However, in Hebrew, it's in what is called the imperfect tense, which suggests a process. And now I'm taking you back to where the process starts. This is where it all begins.

Jesus outlines it here. Whoever He said looks. And that's a present participle in the Greek.

It is a continual process. In other words, it's not the involuntary glance. It's the steady gaze that's the problem. It's David out on the rooftop of Jerusalem looking out at the landscape. And boy, he got an eyeful that night. He looked out there and he saw a woman bathing. And David looked. And then he probably went, looked double take. And there was a fixed, steady gaze. That's where the problem began.

It wasn't the initial look, but it was the lingering and the fantasizing. And by the way, there's so-called experts out there. They're all over the place. They have websites.

They're being interviewed. Sex experts. And the typical line is, well, fantasizing, what goes on in the mind is perfectly acceptable, they'll say. As long as it stays in the mind and nobody else knows about it. Gentlemen, that's where the battle is won or lost, isn't it? It's in the mind.

It's what is allowed to be seen and then lingered over, over a period of time. You remember that old saying, so a thought, reap an action. So an action, reap a habit. So a habit, reap a lifestyle. And so a lifestyle, you may reap a destiny.

It all begins inwardly. I remember having a conversation with, he wasn't a young man, he was a middle-aged man, and he had a problem with this, as many men do, and a woman would go by and his eyes would follow. And I brought it up to him and he goes, you know, I'm just appreciating God's creation. And I said, well, I don't notice you're looking at trees quite the same when you go by them. He seemed to be selectively enjoying God's creation, but he had so rationalized it at that point.

You know, unfaithfulness is fashionable socially, and the ideas about it are formed inwardly. I'm so glad you were able to join us here in Connect with Skip Weekend Edition, and today's teaching was just one message in an in-depth series, God's Top Ten. Be encouraged and inspired as you listen again and maybe share this series with a friend. You can do that at connectwithskip.com or when you purchase a copy of this entire series for your audio library.

We'll have ordering information for you in just a moment. But first, some thoughts today from Skip and his wife, Lenya. Today we touched on a very sticky topic, probably a topic that has become worse and worse and worse since probably the beginning of time, and that was the topic of adultery, and it is devastating and responsible for breaking hearts and homes and families and lives. How would you encourage married men and women to keep their hearts weed-free?

Good question, and you're absolutely right. My mind goes back to King David, and most of our listeners will be aware of the story of David and how he committed adultery and how the prophet came and busted him, but they may not know that he wrote a couple of Psalms after that, and one was Psalm 51. And he said something in there that I always found a key. He said, against thee, thee only have I sinned and done this wickedness. And I remember reading that with great pause because I thought, well, he sinned against Bathsheba, and he sinned against her husband, and he sinned against the people and his wife that he was in covenant with. He sinned against a lot of people. But to David, first and foremost, he realized that he had sinned against God, and that offense against a holy God was paramount above everything else. So I think that God is the last one people consider in an affair.

And if he were the first one, it might change. You know, Joseph fled temptation. And it's because he had, like Daniel, purposed something in his heart before. So I would tell our audience two things, to burn bridges and to build bridges. Burn bridges of temptation and to build bridges of affection. So if you're married, you build a bridge of affection, and you do things that solidify the relationship and make it more satisfying.

You communicate in a way that you both love being with each other. But then you have to burn bridges of temptation. And that might be, like Joseph, running away. You know, he literally streaked out of the room. Turning off the cable. Turning off the cable, running away.

Thinks of subscriptions to magazines, whatever it is. Run, run far away. That's right, there could be literal things. And you're so good about doing that in our home. You know, I've had a really, really busy week, and I've come back and the bed wasn't made and you made it, or you've brought me coffee, or one night it was particularly stressful, and you said, let me run and get dinner. And it's just so nice, you know, that if you just keep tending your own garden and planting beautiful seeds and beautiful flowers, you do need to do some weeding.

But like you said, you really need to work and build those relationships. And so just want to encourage you, husbands and wife, invest in your loved one. Do something today that would be a sweet nothing, a sweet something for them.

Well, thanks so much, Lenya and Skip. And the message you heard today was part of God's Top Ten, a great series to add to your audio library. And you can today when you get all 17 teachings bundled as an audio CD package. It's only $39 plus shipping.

Or if you prefer to get each teaching individually, you can also do that from SkipHeitzig.com. So can adultery be forgiven? We'll find out next time with Skip Heitzig and his teaching Weeds of Unfaithfulness in the Garden of Love here in Connect with Skip Weekend Edition, a presentation of Connection Communications. Make a connection, make a connection at the foot of the cross. Cast your burdens on His word. Make a connection, a connection, a connection. Keeping you to God's never-changing truth in ever-changing times.