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Now, here's a special message from Pastor Nate Heitzig. Has anyone ever had a situation where you just put your foot in your mouth and you said something you regret? The minute you put your foot in your mouth, you're like, oh, why did I do that? I don't know about you, but it seems like the older I get, the more dumb stuff I seem to say. I mean, it's funny and it's cute when you see kids do it and it's kind of in your face, but as I get older, I'm like, why do I just keep saying dumb stuff?
Have you ever been in a situation like I've been where you're talking to your spouse and they ask you that question and you know right when they ask it, there's not a good answer to it. And everything in your head is screaming that scene from Star Wars. It's a trap, it's a trap. And you say it anyways and you're like, no, why did I say that? The older I get, the more dumb stuff I say.
Again, maybe you've put your foot in your mouth before and said something you regret, said something that immediately after you're like, why did I say that? Asking a lady when her due date is only to find out she's not pregnant. Accidentally texting a friend something about that friend when you meant to send it to another friend. You got to quickly recover. I meant a different Dave.
It wasn't you. I'm sorry, delete. And now, thankfully, iPhones have that delete feature where you can delete a message that you've sent to someone unless they haven't updated their phone. Then you're toast. Telling your friends at work about the great time you had last week when you took a day off to go fishing only to hear your boss say, Hey, I thought you said you were sick that day and that's why you wanted the day off.
Or maybe you meet your girlfriend's sister for the first time and as you come up to meet her, you say, Hey, you must be her mom. It's so nice to meet you.
Now, what about the more serious ones? What about the times that we say something that deeply and genuinely hurts someone? Have you ever said something in the moment that you later came to deeply regret? Perhaps you regretted in that moment as it left your lips. You didn't mean it, but you just said it.
And the second you say it, you're like, I shouldn't have said that. Things like I don't love you anymore. I hate you. I wish we never met. I wish you were never born.
Why do you always have to be so stupid? Hey, did you hear about so-and-so? You know, the tongue is an incredibly powerful thing, isn't it? Our words are incredibly powerful and carry a great weight and are a great responsibility. We're able to soothe wounds or cut new ones.
We're able to ease pain or inflict it. We're able to comfort or we're able to harm. We're able to build up or we're able to tear down. The tongue is such a small part of your body, and yet it has the capacity to do incredible things. has the capacity to do wonderful things or it has the capacity to do incredibly terrible things.
A few facts about the tongue. The tongue is the strongest and most flexible muscle in your entire body. proportionately. The tongue has on average 6,000 taste buds. On average, a person opens their mouth 700 times a day to speak, and with all the words they share, it could fill a 50-page book per day.
And in your lifetime, you'll speak enough words. to fill one point five million pages of a book. But what matters isn't how many words you say. What we're talking about today is What you say. And how you say it.
So, if you've ever opened your mouth only to put your foot in it and say, What did I say? Let's look at James chapter 3, verse 2 through 12 today for answers in how to tame our tongue. Again, our title is, What did I say? And we're going to see three things as we look at James chapter 3. What you say is a reflection.
What you say causes destruction. And what you say is a decision. Let's look at James chapter 3, and let's start out by reading verses 2 through 5. For we all stumble in many things. If anyone does not stumble in word, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle the whole body.
Indeed, if we put bits in horses' mouths that they may obey us, and we turn their whole body. Look also at ships although they are so large and are driven by fierce winds, they are turned by a very small rudder wherever the pilot desires. Even so, the tongue is a little member and boasts great things. Here we see in our text, James chapter 3, verse 2 through 5, our first point is that what you say is a reflection. I want you to look back and notice the comparisons that James gives.
He first says in verse 2 that the tongue is a reflection of the whole body. He said, if one is able to bridle their tongue, they are a perfect man, a perfect person. That is to say, how you look, what your lifestyle looks like, is determined by your tongue. Then in verse three, he compares the tongue to a bit in a horse's mouth. Then in verse four, he compares the tongue to a ship's rudder.
And you know what all these things have in common? Not only are they very small things that control something much larger, but they are also simply a reflection. of whoever is controlling them. See, a horse is controlled by the bit, but the bit is simply a reflection. Of what the rider wants the horse to do, right?
The bit doesn't control itself. A rider controls the bit, and the bit controls the horse. A ship is controlled by a rudder, but the rudder is simply reflecting where the captain wants the ship to go. It says that there in verse 4. Look at it.
He says, Look at also at ships. Although they are so large and are driven by fierce winds, they are turned by a very small rudder. wherever the pilot Desires. Therefore Well, our tongues control our body. Our tongues are simply a reflection of who or what is controlling us.
And this has to do not just with words. This has to do with every area of life. This has to do with our words. This has to do with our actions. This has to do with where we go, who we hang out with, all these areas.
Remember, James has been building on this idea in James chapter 2 that faith without works is dead. That you can tell me you're saved, but your works, your actions are really a reflection of your faith more than anything else. And now he carries this idea here into our words: that our words are a reflection, that our words show people who we really are on the inside. It doesn't matter. What you say you are.
It matters what your words show you to be. It matters what your actions show you to be. We are simply a reflection of what we're controlled by. And this you can take this to any area of life. If you're controlled by politics, your words will be a reflection in politics.
All you'll ever want to talk about is politics and what's happening in the news. If you're controlled by money, all you'll ever want to talk about is money and how you can make more money. If you're controlled by things, you're controlled by things that you own, possessions. All you ever want to talk about is the new thing you have or the new thing you want. If you're controlled by sex, all you'll do is talk about sex.
You'll be perverse in your demeanor and your language. You'll tell dirty jokes. You'll have crude remarks to things that happen. If you're controlled by drugs, your life, your actions, your words will be controlled by drugs. But if you're controlled by Jesus, Your life Your actions and your words will be a reflection of what you're controlled by.
So this is a good time as we're in this text to pause. and take a little inventory of our lives. And ask yourself, What are you controlled by? And before you have a quick answer, because you're in church and you have a Bible and you're like, well, I came here to go to church.
So of course, I'm controlled by Jesus. I'm not asking you to just give me an answer of what you're controlled by. What do your actions and words reflect in your life And what does it show is controlling you? As you take inventory of the things that you say, the things that you post, the comments that you make. What are you controlled by?
In the old days, when you'd go to the doctor, and remember, they would have you stick your tongue out and put that little piece of wood on your tongue. And you remember going to the doctor and having that happen? I can't remember the last time they did that. Maybe it was a thing they did for kids, but there is actually a reason for it because your tongue can actually show a doctor things that are happening in your body. A doctor can look at your tongue, look at the color, look at your saliva, the consistency, look at any bumps or things that could be happening to your tongue.
And by looking at your tongue, they're able to tell what is happening or what is wrong with the rest of your body. The same is true in our spiritual lives. Your tongue is the table of contents for your life. If people want to look and understand who you are, all they have to do is listen to your words, and it's a table of contents for your life, it shows them what the book is about. It shows them what's going on inside.
It shows them what to expect. Our tongues, or what we say, give away who or what we really are. The tongue reveals the real nature of your heart. If your heart is good, the tongue will show that as the things that you speak are good and edifying and uplifting and encouraging and the opposite of divisive. They will end dissension.
They won't speak bitterness. They won't speak anger. It won't speak hatred. But if you're Body is wicked. If your heart is wicked, your tongue also will be wicked.
The things that will proceed from your mouth will be evil. Bitter. Poison, fire. Dissension. Hatred.
Mark 7.20 says, That which comes out of a man that defiles him, for from within. Out of the heart of men proceed evil thoughts. These things come from within, for out of the abundance of a heart does man speak. Scripture also tells us that death and life are in the power of the tongue. 1 Peter 3:10 says, He that will love life and see good days, let him refrain his tongue from evil.
A person's character will ultimately show itself in what comes out of their mouth. And I got to let you know, we're seeing this in real time. You see this today in this day and age on social media in spades. I said before, never read the comment section, but sometimes you just can't resist, can you? And you start reading the comment section, and the vitriol, the hatred, the bitterness, the anger, the divisiveness that will come out of people's mouths.
And it's so strong, it's so sharp, it's so destructive that at times we're even arguing with people that we agree with. They just said one thing that made us think that we're against them. They said one thing that makes us think that they don't agree with us. And we feel like we got to let them have it. We got to let him know how we really feel.
Look, you can't tell people you're a Christian if your words and your works don't match. Your words and your works are more of a reflection of who you are than anything else in your life. This is Connect with Skip Heitzig. We'll return to Nate Heidzig's teaching in just a moment. Have you ever wondered what it really means to grow up spiritually?
In Adulting, a study through the book of James, Pastor Skip Heitzig walks you through 21 powerful teachings that show you how to live a mature, Christ-centered life, one shaped by conviction, consistency, and character. This practical and encouraging series is yours when you give $50 or more to support Connect with Skip Heidzig and share teaching like this one today with more people around the globe. Request adulting as a C D package or digital download at connectwithskip.com slash offer or call 800-922. 1888. Let's return now to the teaching of Nate Heitzig.
So again, I want to pause right now and I want each and every one of us before we go any further to take a personal inventory. and ask yourself this question. What are my words reflecting? What are the things that I'm saying? And are they spreading bitterness or are they spreading freshness.
Are they spreading poison or are they removing poison? Are they helping people or are they hurting people? Ask yourself: how do you talk to the people in your life? How do you talk to your family? How do you talk to your kids?
How do you talk to your spouse? How do you talk to your coworkers? Do you share dirty jokes? Are you a different person when you're around your group of friends or your coworkers than you are at home? You know, I find this so interesting because sometimes It should be the opposite, but the way that we speak in public.
We want to be very proper with our speech and be very kind, and we'll be generous with people, and we won't cause division. Yet, we get home, and the people that are closest to us experience the worst parts of us. They experience our anger, our hatred, our dissent, our disagreements. And yet we're a different person in the rest of the world. How do you speak to your boss?
How do you speak to your other brothers and sisters in Christ? How do you speak to your enemies? Maybe a deeper and more convicting question: How do you speak to your friends about your enemies? How do you speak to your friends about the people and the things that you disagree with? How do you speak to your friends about your political rivals or the people that frustrate you?
How do you speak about your city? How do you speak about your leaders? Ask yourself that question as you're asking that, and as you determine that, ask yourself. Are the things that I'm saying, are the things that I'm posting, are the comments that I'm leaving a reflection of my heart for Jesus Christ? And if they're not, that means that they have to change.
Matthew chapter 12 verse 34 to 35 says, The mouth speaks out of that which fills the heart. God declares in Isaiah 59, 1 through 3, how sin separates us from Him. It says, Behold, the Lord's hand is not shortened, that it cannot save. Neither his ear heavy that it cannot hear. Isn't that good news that God's ear is not heavy, that it cannot hear, that he can hear us?
But, look what it says, but your iniquities have separated between you and your God, and your sins have hid his face from you, that he will not hear you. Anyone want to make sure that when they pray their prayers are heard by God? I know I do. I pray all the time, and I want to know that when I'm praying, God's hearing my prayers. But did you realize there's things you can have in your life that will stop God from listening to your prayers?
It's not that He can't hear you, it's that He refuses to.
So, people all the time tell people, hey, well, just pray about it. Just pray and talk to God. But you could be calling, and no one's answering.
So what is it in our lives that can keep us from having God hear our prayers? Isaiah continues, he says, For your hands are defiled with blood and your fingers with iniquity, your lips have spoken lies and your tongue has muttered perverseness.
Some people will say that the eyes are the window to the soul, and yet the Bible says, from the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.
So, if you want a true glimpse into your soul, if you want to do a little soul check, a little soul searching to know who you really are, don't look at your eyes. I don't care how beautiful they are. Look at the things that you're saying. Your tongue is a window into your soul, and more importantly, your tongue is a window into who or what is controlling your soul. Just as a horse is controlled by a bit, we are controlled by our words.
Just as a ship is controlled by a rudder, we are controlled by our words. And I'll also add to that this idea: not only is it a reflection of your soul, but sometimes your words can scare your soul. If you're a bitter person. Most likely it's because you say bitter things. And I've found this to be true in seasons of my life where I'll go into a season and something will be happening.
I get so frustrated, so angry that I just am kind of speaking bitterness. I'm speaking frustrations and what I'm seeing in society. What I'm seeing in politics. And what happens is the more you verbalize it, the more you say it, you know what happens? You just become a bitter person.
Your soul becomes bitter. Your soul becomes angry because your words are controlling it and you're saying it that you end up becoming it. That's because words have meaning. Words have weight. Words can change lives.
Anyone in here ever been changed by something that someone told you? A word of advice. direction, wisdom. A scripture when you needed it that confronted you and helped change your life. Maybe you were changed negatively by someone's words.
Maybe you grew up in a home where your mom and dad were really harsh with their words. They tore you down and they made you feel small. And you're walking today with a limp because of the harshness of those words, that you're not confident in who you are, you second-guess everything you do, and you have a hard time working past that because words have weight, don't they? Words carry an immense amount of responsibility. Words are powerful.
Words can change somebody for good or for bad. Think of it this way: every time you open your mouth, it has the potential to change someone's life. I think if we started thinking that way, we'd be more mindful with what we're saying. every time you open your mouth. It has the potential to change someone's life.
For the good or for the bad. Your words can help somebody step into their calling. Your words can pull someone back. Your words can lead someone into a relationship with Christ, or they can put a boundary and a barrier in front of that person in their relationship with Christ. Your words can strengthen and mold your kids, or your words can tear down and destroy your kids.
Your words can encourage another believer. Your words... can diminish another believer. Words have weight. Words are important.
And you can shift the atmosphere with your words. You know what I found? As we're talking about the practicality of this with the social media comments and the comment sections. People will get so worked up, so angry, and then you'll see someone reply. With grace.
You'll see somewhere pry with a whimsical nature, and it's like salve to an open wound, it diminishes it.
Someone can be so mad, but if you respond in a soft way, that can diminish the, it can change the atmosphere, change the chat, change the room, because the Bible says a soft answer, what? turns away wrath. When we're mindful with our words and we recognize the weight, just one word can set the direction of a life. The single word of a judge can condemn or pardon. Saying I do to a partner for life means marriage and commitment.
Saying I won't to the offer of drugs or sex before marriage for a young person is the right decision. Saying I will to the offer to receive Jesus Christ can change your eternal destiny.
So instead of using the tongue or our words to tear down, we should use them to build up. Because our words are a reflection. Number two, what you say causes destruction. Look at the second half of verse five to eight. It says See how great a forest a little fire kindles?
And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity. The tongue is so set among our members that it defiles the whole body and sets on fire the course of nature. And it is set on fire by hell. For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and creature of the sea is tamed and has been tamed by mankind. But no man can tame the tongue.
It is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison.
So we've seen that what you say is a reflection.
Now we see that James shares with us that what you say causes destruction. In verses 5 through 8, James now shows the destruction caused by what we say. I mentioned before that the tongue can either build up or tear down. The tongue can either ease pain or cause pain. The tongue can either mend hearts or break hearts.
And most often, by the way, it's the people closest to us that our words will affect. I mentioned that earlier: that so often we're really mindful of what we say in public because we don't want to be perceived a certain way. Yet, when we're with the people closest to us, we let loose and we don't tame our tongue quite the same way. And who does it hurt? the people closest to us.
Just ask couples who have been through a bitter divorce. Their words are like poison and they're damaging and destructive. Just ask kids who don't have a relationship with their parents anymore. The words that were shared were harmful and hurtful and destructive. Our words hurt those closest to us the most.
Notice he compares the tongue to a fire that burns down a forest. You know, a forest. Takes years to grow, doesn't it? It takes years, decades to grow healthy and large. It takes years for the trees to build roots and grow tall and strong.
And it takes years to cultivate a forest, but it can all end in one instant, right? A cigarette butt thrown out the window, a firework gone astray, a spark from a trailer chain flying into the woods. We've seen this in Riodosa with these beautiful forests burning down, forests that took Decades, centuries to grow and build, destroyed in an instant.
Now I want you to think about the relationships in your life. I want you to think about the years that it took to cultivate and grow those relationships, to strengthen those relationships. Think about your family. The words that are shared with one another to build and grow those relationships, your friends, your coworkers, your church community. Think about the time and the effort that it took to grow those.
All of that can be destroyed. in an instant. Because our words can hurt others. Proverbs 18:8 says, The words of a tale-bearer, whispered, are as wounds. They go down to the uttermost parts of the soul.
Anyone who ever felt that you had something said about you, and maybe the person didn't mean it to hurt as much as it did, but it went down to the uttermost parts of your soul and it hurt. Anyone ever experienced that? A word that was shared flippantly and the damage that it caused, the way that it hurt. Many believers who would never consider murder are instead guilty of character assassination and backbiting. And Jesus talked about the danger of this: that you might never consider murder, actually hurting somebody, going up to someone in the church that you know and shooting them.
Right? We can be guilty of the same thing with our words. Remember when Jesus talked about, you've heard that it is said that you should not commit murder, but I tell you. If you hate Another person, you've already committed murder in your heart. You've heard that it's said you should not commit adultery, but I say to you, if a man looks at a woman with lust, he's already committed adultery in his heart.
Why? Because again, our actions are simply a reflection of our heart. It's all about the heart. A relationship with Jesus changes our hearts and the things that we do and say are a reflection of that change or that lack of change. The Hebrew word for backbite.
Literally means to play the spy. And what it speaks of in that context that we read there in Proverbs 18:8 and in other places, this idea of backbiting, is it someone who goes around collecting clues and scraps of information regarding the character of someone. and they then relay that information to anyone who will listen. It breaks my heart how guilty the church can be of this. This really at its core is gossip.
Thanks for listening to Connect with Skip Heitzig, today featuring Pastor Skip's son Nate Heitzig. Before we go. Don't miss this opportunity to request Pastor Skip's series Adulting, a study through the book of James. This 21 message series dives deep into what it means to live a spiritually mature life. full of faith, character, and Christ-like purpose.
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