Welcome to Connect with Skip Heitzig. We're glad you've received Skip's weekly devotional email to inspire a dysfunctional family. So, I decided to get a working definition by a pretty notable source who deals with this on what a dysfunctional family is.
Here's from one source the definition. A dysfunctional family is a family in which conflict and misbehavior on the part of an individual family member occurs continually and regularly leading other members to accommodate such actions. Well, if that is the case then welcome to Dysfunction Junction. The life of the patriarchs. All of them so far have been dysfunctional. Remember Abraham?
Not a pretty picture. There was conflict within his family with his wife Sarah and her handmaiden Hagar and the two boys that came out of that union. There was dysfunction in the life of Isaac, their son, because Isaac had a couple of boys Esau and Jacob. Esau was Isaac's favorite boy. Jacob was Rebecca's favorite boy and the conflict developed and the dysfunction went on for a lifetime. Now we get to Jacob's family and it's like the next generation gets worse and worse and worse. You are at Dysfunction Junction. It's notable because these are the first men that God chose to form the nation of Israel. I hope you are encouraged by that because, and I'm not going to ask for a show of hands, I was almost tempted to say how many of you came from dysfunctional families?
Many or all of us have. Well, in tonight's study, this chapter you could look at it in three sections. First section is rape.
See I told you there is dysfunction. Rape verses 1 through 5. The second section, remuneration because of the rape. That's verses 5 through 12 and then finally retaliation by the boys. That's the third section verses 13 through 31 and we're going to be looking at all of them tonight. Now just go back in your mind to get a grasp on Jacob as a person and as a father. Personally, he was a deceiver. Collectively as a father, he was passive. He was passive because you remember back in chapters 29 and 30 when his wives, plural, he had two of them, really four of them because each of them had a handmaiden. They were competing on who could have the most kids and every time one of them would get pregnant they would say, oh the Lord is showing his favor on me. Now my husband's really going to love me more than her and they were competing back and forth. Even this weird mandrake thing that they had going on and during this whole competition Jacob seems to be totally passive. Just sort of like, oh well okay, whatever you want honeys, plural. And we see that again here tonight.
There is passivity. Jacob was the one who deceived his brother in stealing the blessing who went and deceived uncle Laban when he went to Padan Aram and now when he's coming back he even deceives his brother again Esau. If you remember back, just remember in your mind, remember when he came to meet Esau in the previous chapter and he was afraid that Esau was going to kill him and so he sent the family members in front just in case he would kill them and then at least he could escape.
When they finally meet and Esau's full of love and forgiveness and they embrace each other, the parting words of Jacob to his brother Esau when Esau says, come with me my brother, goes no no no you go on ahead. Go to Seir. Go back to your home.
I'll come there and visit you later. He doesn't do that. He doesn't even show up at Seir. He had no intention of going there. He just said, God bless you.
I'll be there and he goes to a different place. That is the guy that we're dealing with and we deal with him again in chapter 34. Now there's a red flag. The red flag in this chapter is the name of God does not appear even once.
It appeared previously. It will appear in chapter 35, but in chapter 34, there's no mention of the name of God and I would say that red flag shows us that God's wisdom is not present in these activities of the family. Do you remember the place where God made himself known to Jacob and what that place became known as and it was the place that God made himself known to Jacob and what that place became known as and it was the place that he would eventually retreat back to. It was called Bethel.
Remember that Bethel. It meant the house of God. It was the place God spoke to him and he built an altar there at one time to the Lord.
It was a place of intimacy and fellowship. That's where Jacob should have gone. He should have gone back to Bethel to meet intimately with God once again and to influence his family and say, kids let me tell you the story of what happened in this place and what God has done for me and for you.
But he doesn't go to Bethel. We saw in our last study or our previous study in chapter 33 that he goes to two places, one and then another. A place called Sukkot and then he later moves to a place called Shechem.
Sukkot and Shechem. Now he tells his brother, I'll see you in Seir. Doesn't go there.
That's down south. Doesn't go back to Bethel and we don't exactly know why. Why wouldn't he go back to the place where God spoke to him and he built an altar to the Lord and God made a covenant with him. The place where he said God is in this place.
I didn't know it before but now I know it. Why didn't he? Well we don't know. It could be this simple. It could be that he just got tired of that place. Oh you know I've been there. I've done that. There's more to see. There's more to live and so he moves to one place, gets bored with that, not happy there, moves to the next place thinking he's going to be happy there.
It could be as simple as that. I want to be happy and I'm not happy here. Well you know what? There's an interesting truth. If you're not happy where you are you will not be happy where you move. That may be a shock to some of you who are planning on moving because you just, I just hate it here and I just got to move somewhere else because I'll be happy if I do and I've never really been happy here.
You will be as unhappy there as you are here and here's why. Because you have to take with you your discontented little self. You have to go with you.
Now it'd be nice if you could leave you behind but you can't and that's where the problem is. It's not on the outside. It's on the inside. If you're discontented now you will be discontented there because you see contentment is something that doesn't come naturally but you learn it. You learn it. Paul the apostle who went from one bad experience to another said, I have learned in whatever state I am therein to be content.
And it could be that Jacob hadn't learned that yet. Done with Bethel, been there, done that. Want to see Sukkot and now Shechem. Shechem is a place where unbelievers are hanging out. It's a pagan neighborhood and in so moving to Shechem he will place his entire family in jeopardy. See that's the thing with decisions isn't it? Whatever we decide to do, wherever we decide to go, those that we love, those that are a part of us, we can place them in the place of blessing if we're in God's will or we can place them in the place of danger if we're out of God's will.
Jeopardy. And so we never sin alone. But the people around us suffer as well. I think Jonah is a good example of that don't you? He decided I'm done with preaching for God.
I definitely don't want to go to Nineveh. Uh-uh. Decides to go the opposite direction and get on a little boat and take a princess cruise and see Portugal. The mistake is thinking that he was alone in the episode. As soon as he got on a boat with other people, every crew member aboard that boat was in jeopardy. The boat almost drowned. Everybody aboard was scared to death and cried out to his own God and was mystified and perplexed that the only person aboard not praying was the very man who should be praying, the prophet of God, Jonah. He placed everybody aboard in jeopardy. Abraham decided I'm going down to Egypt.
There's a famine in the land. He placed himself, his wife, because he lied about her being his sister, and his entire retinue in jeopardy. Jacob decides, done with Beth-El, it's time for Shechem.
And so he goes there. Now, perhaps as we get into this tonight, some of you men who are husbands, leaders of your home, some of you need to get back to Beth-El, the house of God, the place of blessing, the place God has called you to be with him, where he is number one in your life. And perhaps he's going to do it through this very meeting tonight.
And if that's the case, then it certainly wasn't in vain that we met tonight. It was Jesus who in Revelation chapter 2 said to the church, the believers at Ephesus, remember from where you have fallen, repent, and do your first works over again. Narrator You're listening to Connect with Skip Heitzig. Before we return to Skip's teaching, in his powerful book, Beyond the Summer of Love, Pastor Skip Heitzig helps you understand God's plan and his rules for relationships that flourish and reflect his own love. And when you give a gift of $25 or more this month to support the worldwide ministry of Connect with Skip Heitzig, we'll send you Beyond the Summer of Love. This resource is for anyone interested in having a successful relationship.
Whether you're single, searching for love, planning to get married or already married, this book is a helpful guide to help your relationships flourish as God intends. Go to connectwithskip.com slash offer or call 800-922-1888 and request your copy when you give $25 or more. Now, let's get back to Skip for more of today's teaching. Skip Remember, repent, repeat. The three R's, not reading, writing, and arithmetic. Remember, repent, and repeat.
Do those first works over again. And for some men, perhaps tonight, God will use this chapter to get a hold of you and your own spiritual values and priorities and get you back to that place of blessing. Well, we begin in verse one, obviously, and the first section is before us in the very first few verses, and that is the rape of Jacob's daughter. She's introduced in verse one. Now Dinah, the daughter of Leah, whom she had born to Jacob, went out to see the daughters of the land. By this time, Dinah must have been a teenager. Most biblical commentators, scholars, say she was probably between 15 and 16 years of age. Kyle and Delich, great scholars in the Old Testament, by comparing this with other references in the book of Genesis, fix her age at somewhere between age 13 and age 15. She's a young woman.
In those days, she was of marriageable age, but she was young. We would consider her a child. But she's in a new place and she's a kid. She's curious. She wants to find the other neighbor kids, right? Find out who those other girls are in the neighborhood and play with them. However, given the nature of the neighborhood, that it is a pagan, Hivite neighborhood, you would think at least mom would say, you know what?
You've got a whole bunch of brothers. You're not going out alone. I want to make sure that you have some accompaniment.
But there's no indication of accompaniment. She just goes out to see the daughters of the land. Verse 2, and when Shechem, the son of Hamor, the Hivite, prince of the country, saw her, he took her and lay with her and violated her. That is, he sexually assaulted her. He raped her. His soul was strongly attracted to Dinah, the daughter of Jacob, and he loved the young woman.
Now this is a little bit odd to me. He sees her. Obviously, there's lust involved.
He's a very aggressive young man. He violates her, forces her, and then he looks at her and goes, and then he looks at her and goes, I love her. But it says he loved her and spoke kindly to the young woman. So Shechem spoke to his father. Now Shechem is the son. Hamor is the father. The town they live in is called Shechem.
So either the town was named after the boy or the boy was named after the town. I think it was the first one because you'll notice in verse 2 he's called the prince of the country. So obviously he was of notoriety and very spoiled and very petulant and very aggressive because he even says in verse 4, notice how he talks to his dad. So Shechem spoke to his father Hamor and said, get me this young woman as a wife. So he's giving orders to his father.
So Dinah fell in with the wrong crowd. She's curious, wants to meet the other girls, and then falling in with the wrong crowd on her first date with this prince charming, he rapes her. And then he says, I love you, and tells his dad, I love her. Now there is a typical pattern for young men. It's not always this way, but it is often this way. That young men, and I'm speaking young worldly men, in a typical sort of way, will give love in order to get sex. That is, they'll say, I love you. When in reality they love themselves and they love what you can give to them in terms of sexual favors. So the typical pattern is young men will often give love in order to get sex and conversely, young women will often give sex in order to get love. Because what they really want is love.
What they really want is acceptance. What they really want is friendship and intimacy. But you have a guy who says, you know, I love you. And he's saying that not because he loves her, but because he wants sex. And so she wants to be loved, especially when he turns on the charm. Prince charming becomes the prince who says, not only do I love you, but I can't live without you.
And if you really love me, you'll give me what I want. And then you discover, he's not prince charming after all. Verse five takes us to the second section, remuneration. And Jacob heard that he had defiled Dinah, his daughter, and he became unglued. Oh, it doesn't say that, does it?
No, it's interesting what it does say. In fact, I don't know that I could have reacted this way. Now, his sons were with his livestock in the field, so Jacob held his peace until they came.
Just, well, I'll wait till the boys get home and we'll talk this over, have a family powwow. I couldn't have done that. I would have found that kid. I'd have chased him down. I certainly would have talked to his father. That would have been my first course of action.
I want to see Hamor. Hamor, do you know what your son has just done to my daughter? But he waited. He held his peace until they came. He's maybe in shock, maybe doesn't know how to act or react or respond. He waits till the kids come home, the boys, and he has a powwow. Says, then Hamor, the father of Shechem, went out to Jacob to speak with him.
So he takes the first, the initial play. And the sons of Jacob came in from the field when they heard it, and the men were grieved and very angry. Why? Because someone's been in the kitchen with Dinah. Because he had done a disgraceful thing. That's what it was. It was a disgraceful thing in Israel by lying with Jacob's daughter, a thing which ought not to be done.
Now notice something. In that last verse, the mention of Israel, not as a person. Jacob was named Jacob and then renamed Israel, right? One who fights victorious in the name of Jacob. Jacob was named Jacob and then renamed Israel, right?
One who fights victoriously with God or Prince of God. But for the first time, and I always want to give to you the rule of first mention, the first time Israel is mentioned as a nation is here. And yet, they're not a nation yet. They are only a nation in terms of a group of people forming together in a nascent state, embryonic state. And here the term, though it refers to the nation of Israel, is referring to the people rather than the land, not the property of Israel, not the land of Israel, but the people of Israel. Those who have a special covenant relationship with God because of God's relationship with Jacob. But it's a disgraceful thing, and it will always be a disgraceful thing as far as the laws of Israel will be concerned.
A disgraceful thing in Israel by lying with Jacob's daughter, a thing which ought not to be done. Now, did you know that it was customary in those days for the entire family to get together and approve of any marriage? Usually, the dads would get together. Hey, I have a son who is handsome, hardworking, you have a beautiful young daughter, let's sign a deal right now. Now, the kids could be toddlers, so I don't know how hardworking a toddler would be, but the father would say, I have a son, you have a daughter, let's strike up a deal, a contract right now that promises them to be wed to each other. And the father would say, I have a son, you have a daughter, let's strike up a deal right now that promises them to be wed to each other. So before the kids really know each other or even know what marriage is, they're engaged, so to speak. Then it is approved by the entire family. A family deal, a family contract, which isn't all that bad.
Now, hear me out. Those in that family are eventually going to be your future in-laws, hopefully not outlaws. They're going to be part of your family or part of your future forever in some kind of a relationship. You want to make sure it's a good relationship now.
In fact, I would say if somebody in your family has constant doubts about that person that you say you want to marry, you should at least take heed and listen to them, especially if they have your best interests at heart. Take counsel, move solely, move wisely. In the multitude of counselors, there is safety. So the marriages were arranged. Here's an emergency situation. There's been a rape. The fathers get together. The sons come in.
There still has to be an approval process. I remember the first time I was in India. I was with Lenya. We were newly married, didn't have our son Nate. Just been married a couple years. And so we went over there doing ministry in India and they looked at this young couple and they said, well, you know, how long have you known each other?
How long have you been married? And we were telling them our story. And then they would tell us their stories that in their country it wasn't like our country where a young man dates a young woman and then asks her to marry her. They said, oh, there are still arranged marriages in our country. And I said, excuse me?
He said, oh, yes, I got married because her parents and my parents got together and they prayed about it before the Lord and they believed it was the Lord's will and we're married. I said, no, wait a minute. And I just thought that sounded so foreign to me.
It honestly sounded, well, unappealing, goofy, backwards. And as I started expressing my concern, one of them said, no, wait a minute, brother. And he said, I'll have you know that our our divorce rate is minuscule compared to your divorce rate because you see, we learn early on that it's commitment. We have already been committed by our parents to each other. We learn that commitment comes first, feelings come later.
You do it backwards. You base everything on how you feel and hope that you still feel good over time and hopefully learn a commitment as time goes on. We've already learned the commitment by the time we approach the marriage altar. So I love the thought of an arranged marriage that my Heavenly Father and your Heavenly Father, our Father in heaven, knows the right one that's for us. And so we wait on Him. He's the one, not your earthly parents as much as your Heavenly Father. You wait and you pray and you make sure that's the one, the Heavenly Father as for you.
We're glad you joined us today. Before you go, remember that when you give $25 or more to help reach more people with the gospel through Connect with Skip Heitzig, we'll send you Beyond the Summer of Love, Relationships in the Real World by Pastor Skip Heitzig to help you build biblically healthy relationships or repair ones that have been damaged by sin. To request your copy of Beyond the Summer of Love, call 800-922-1888. That's 800-922-1888 or visit connectwithskip.com slash donate. For more from Skip, be sure to check out the many resources available at connectwithskip.com slash store. Come back next time for more verse by verse teaching of God's word here on Connect with Skip Heitzig. Make a connection at the foot of the cross and cast your burdens on His word. Make a connection, connection. Connect with Skip Heitzig is a presentation of Connection Communications, connecting you to God's never changing truth in ever-changing times.
