Fight Like A Man | Emeal "E.Z." Zwayne

Whether they realize it or not, men fight in an unseen spiritual war for purity every day. On this battlefield, they can often become blinded to the devastating consequences of sexual sin. How do you combat the enemy who wants to destroy the lives of men? Men are acting like a soldier who's deluded into thinking that he's on a luxury cruise ship heading to an exotic resort when in reality he's on a Higgins boat heading for the shores of World War II Normandy and our enemies are fierce and they're attacking us from every direction.

We need to be ready to fight. Welcome to Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman, author of the New York Times bestseller "The 5 Love Languages" . Today the story of a man who went through some intense struggles in his youth and then found profound transformation. He wants to get help and hope for any man who's trying to overcome sexual sin and if you go to the website you'll see our featured resource today, Fight Like a Man. The subtitle is A Biblical Strategy for Achieving Victory in the Battle for Purity. Just go to buildingrelationships.us to find out about that book and our guest Emil E. Z. Zwane.

Again go to buildingrelationships.us. Gary I'm excited for this conversation especially here at the beginning of the year because I think this could be a reset for a lot of men who have been stuck in some old patterns for years and maybe even decades. Well I think you're right Chris and there's no question about it. This is a major problem in our culture. Many many men are struggling in this area and you know as you begin a new year it's a great time to say okay God it's time to change. So I'm glad about our discussion today and also this book. I think it's going to help a lot of men. I do too and I think that one of the tricks of the enemy is the enemy will whisper in your ear this is the way it's always going to be.

You'll never change. Don't listen to that voice. Listen to what Emil E. Z. Zwane has to say. He's president of Living Waters, host of the National Bible Bee competition, you may have seen him there, co-host of the Living Waters podcast. He serves as an executive producer of the Way of the Master TV program and multiple Living Waters films. E.

Z. 's family immigrated to the U.S. from Lebanon when he was four years old and he and his wife Rachel have five children. If you go to buildingrelationships.us you'll see his book Fight Like a Man, a biblical strategy for achieving victory in the battle for purity. Again go to buildingrelationships.us. Well E. Z., welcome to Building Relationships. Gary what a joy it is to be with you today and let me just say the thing that blows my mind is the fact you guys are willing to tackle this subject. It's not a popular one but as you know it's one that urgently needs to be addressed so thank you for having the courage to do that and thank you for having me on. Well we're glad you're here and the topic is you're right very very needed. Well we could spend the whole hour just on your story but for those who don't know you tell us a little bit about your life and how you became known as E. Z. Yeah well I was born in Lebanon back in 1975. You might remember that was kind of the start of the major civil war that lasted for 10 plus years in Lebanon and I was born into a Maronite family which is a part of the Catholic church and the country was so war-torn so devastating our parents saw no future for us there and so fortunately a couple of my uncles had immigrated to the U.S. some years before us they got established started their careers so they were able to sponsor us and bring us over and I'm sure as you can probably imagine it was quite an adjustment for me I was about four and a half years old so I'm in this new world new culture new language and I was trying to sort of adjust to it all and I had this somewhat of a kind of soldier chip on my shoulder if you would growing up in in that war type of atmosphere and so from the outset I just started getting into a lot of trouble here in the U.S. and ended up hitting my high school years where I really got into big trouble ended up becoming a member of the Crips a gang member I got kicked out of two high schools tried to commit suicide in front of my family but as I'm sure we'll talk about here in a little bit the Lord ended up invading my life August 15, 1991 and radically transformed me and transformed me and so easy are the initials it's a lot easier to go by those in the full name but that's kind of my story in a nutshell well that's powerful I think there are a lot of immigrants through our country who can identify with what you're saying for sure right yeah well you know this book Fight Like a Man comes out of your own experience and your own struggle in this area of life what motivated you to write this book yeah well as you heard in my brief testimony there you know I was I was out there lost and enmeshed in sin in every way imaginable and a part of that was of course sexual immorality and when I came to Christ I experienced a freedom unlike anything I had ever known you know before I became a Christian I had somewhat of a conscience having had you know that religious background that the things I was involved in were wrong but at the same time I didn't have the power to overcome them or find victory in them and so when I came to know the Lord it was just this that you know the new nature kicking in and this this power that I experienced over sin it was transformational and after that you know after the Lord had revolutionized my life I ended up becoming a pastor and now I serve as the president of a ministry called Living Waters but in those pastoral years especially I began to encounter so many men that were entrenched in this destructive sin of sexual morality and usually through the gateway of pornography and you know in the preface of the book I talk about how necessity and passion are really the two ingredients that are most needed for a book to truly have impact and so the necessity was huge and the passion to see men delivered from this sin really burned in my heart and so that's what stirred me up and you know the fact that so many men feel hopeless in this is something that gnawed at me because there is hope in Christ and there is the pathway and possibility for victory and so that that really captivated me and God burdened my heart for it and I've been amazed to see the outcome even so far from those that have been impacted by the book it debuted on Amazon as the number one bestseller and the the number one new release in its category and the response from men that have read it already has been very encouraging and heartening yeah that's great you know I think anytime we have gone through an experience like you went through and then God delivers us we're motivated to try to help other people you know that's probably why I've spent my life working with marriage and family because we had struggles in our home marriage in those early years absolutely yeah and you know and as a man of course I relate to that the Lord delivered me from that realm but I deal with those temptations and that lure and that pull and so I come alongside men in that and saying look I'm a fellow traveler on this road with you as a sinner who understands the temptations and the lure and there is hope and victory in Christ yeah yeah well we're talking about purity and using the word purity in your book define define the word purity yeah so purity it would be indicative of a life that has no admixture of compromise and corrupting sin in it now I'm not talking about a life of perfection or flawlessness but a disposition of the heart that says look I've been redeemed I've been set free I've been bought with a price I no longer belong to myself I'm the Lord's I know positionally I have perfect righteousness in Christ he's redeemed me he set me free he's clothing me with that perfect righteousness but practically I am called to live in holiness practically I'm called as first Timothy 4 says to discipline myself for godliness I'm called as second Timothy 2 22 says to flee youthful lusts and so it's that determination as a man recognizing look I have the spirit that raised Jesus from the dead dwelling in me God has called me to a life of holiness and now I'm going to practically obey him through the strength and grace that he supplies to flee from this temptation and lure to indulge in sexual sin that is that is dishonoring to the Lord that's destructive to those that I love and that hinders my testimony and witness as an ambassador to Christ in this world for the gospel yeah well the title of the book is fight like a man why did you use the metaphor of a battle yeah that's a really good question and and it's it's because that's exactly what it is I mean Gary you understand as a man it's a battle but the sad thing is most men don't recognize that you know they're living with a peacetime mentality when we need a wartime mentality and we have enemies I'm sure we'll we'll get into that but but that that's a tragedy and oftentimes men are acting like a soldier who's deluded into thinking that he's on a luxury cruise ship heading for the shores of Bora Bora to an exotic resort when in reality he's on a Higgins boat heading for the shores of World War II Normandy and Gary I'm sure you can you can imagine a man with that mindset you know sauntering off the Higgins boat right into the midst of the theater of war clad in a bathrobe some fluffy slippers and a remote control in his hand and you and I both know he's going to get smoked and so I wanted men to understand this is a battle and our enemies are fierce and they're attacking us from every direction we need to be ready to fight what are some of the warning signs that we are indeed in a spiritual battle in this area and defeating this uh this temptation yeah well I think the lure is the telltale sign right the the pull to do that which is dishonoring and displeasing in the sight of God you know I often tell Christians anytime you wonder whether or not you should be doing something that's righteous or or that's spiritual all you have to do is is do the opposite of what you're feeling or are being lured to do you know I don't feel like praying I don't feel like seeking the Lord I don't feel like being in the word I don't feel like doing righteousness you know that's exactly what you need to be doing and so we need to understand that you know that low grade pull towards sin and compromise it begins with the with the thought life that begins with the opportunities to engage in things that we know we shouldn't engage in those are all evidences that we have enemies that they're real that they are seeking to undermine anything that would bring glory and honor to God because that's why we exist right as as as the old confession goes right to to glorify God and enjoy him forever and often we disconnect glorification from obedience but but they can't be disconnected you know first John says and this is love that we keep his commandments and his commandments are not burdensome so it's this glad obedience that stands up in the face of these telltale signs that are seeking again to lead us to dishonor God I mean you could look at the life of Job and you could see what Satan was attempting to do he wanted to disprove Job he wanted to destroy him well the Lord wanted to to establish him and prove him and strengthen him and so so we need to understand that that those are all again evidences of of us being drawn toward spiritual rebellion against the Lord yeah well you say that Satan uses like things like discontentment disbelief deification to distract us from the consequences of our sin and kind of blind us to that talk about that right yeah well you know Gary Satan is a is a one-trick pony there's nothing new about his strategies against us as God's people we can go back to Eden and and see what he did with with Eve there and you know by by extension Adam he he comes at them with with the the three-pronged approach and that is first discontent has God said you can't eat of every tree of the garden in reality obviously we know God had given Adam and Eve access to every single tree and and not just that but he told them they can eat freely of it there were no limitations given but Satan comes in and begins to create discontent you can't have it all right and suddenly kind of like you know in the Old Testament in the book of of Esther with Haman where it says everything that he had availed him nothing just because he couldn't get that one thing which was Mordecai bound before him right so so he creates this discontentment then he hits us with disbelief no no no you will not surely die he said to Eve you're not going to die the consequences for sin that God says are what they are aren't really what they are and he does that with us he hits us with no no no there really won't be ramifications to sexual sin well first Corinthians 6 18 tells us that every sin that a man commits he does outside of the body but he who commits sexual sin sins against his own body it's set aside as a distinct sin with radical ramifications and then finally he comes in with deification no no no it's not just that you're not going to die you will become like God your eyes will be open you'll know good from evil in other words you'll become autonomous and you'll be the one to arbitrate what is right and wrong and what path way you want to take in terms of morality in your life and it's the same thing with us you know he comes at us with that discontent you can't have that sexual sin that you want he hits us with disbelief if you do indulge in it no don't worry it's nothing's going to happen and then in essence you can make the call in your own life you're independent you should be able to determine what's right and wrong for you yeah wow i hope that men who are listening to us today really hear what you're saying because you're exactly right when you said earlier that uh satan not have any new tricks that these were the tricks he used way back there with with adam and eve wow absolutely yeah and and we need to be we need to be ready for those you know and that's what i can get into in the book you know how can we then counter those we need to understand his strategy and then we need to have a counter attack yeah well you said at 15 years of age you were a gang member involved in drugs you were living a destructive lifestyle what what really what were the things that god used to turn you around as i mentioned earlier i i had this sort of built up tension inside of me that was maybe manifesting in the form of anger and rebellion and my pathway was just leading to massive massive destruction and it kept getting worse and worse you know before i came to christ i had this long list of do's and don'ts that i had formulated in my mind things i'd always do things i'd never indulge in and little by little as the influence of the world began to set in all of that you know just kind of became a distant memory as i began to to indulge in sin and and i just yeah strayed and further and went deeper and deeper into rebellion and immorality and and by god's grace on august 15 1991 i heard the gospel and its full purity for the first time that even though i had rebelled against god even though i had sinned in the egregious ways that i had because of his love for me because of what christ did in his death and resurrection i can be set free and transformed and gary i tell you it was as first corinthian says i was a new creation the old things had passed away everything became new and it was a realization that salvation was a free gift i couldn't earn it couldn't work for it but god would give it to me on the basis of faith in what he did and i just remember that night it was as if though the scales from my eyes had dropped and i finally understood what the cross meant you know i grew up seeing it in that church chapel every sunday and i understood intellectually yeah jesus died on the cross but but i never understood its its real essence and power and so that night when i heard god would be willing to set me free i i placed my faith in him and everything changed the way i walk thought acted felt i was literally a new creation and um and here i am today with you yeah well those of us who are following christ can identify with what you're saying for sure amen but you know i think sometimes when a man is struggling in this area of life he tends to focus on i'm talking about christians now yeah i just got to avoid this i've got to avoid this i've got to avoid this right but but is there a risk in focusing only on the sin you know and just telling yourself i've got to stop i've got to stop yeah yeah absolutely i'm so glad you brought that point up you know paul says in galatians i say then walk in the spirit and you will not fulfill the lust of the flesh and it's important for men to recognize this you know sometimes we want to just put something off but you've got to put something on and we need to put on the lord jesus christ we need to recognize that he is the very source of our strength he's the very source of our victory over sexual sin and so there needs to be this pursuit of the lord you don't just turn away from sin you turn toward the lord toward your redeemer right you you run the race with endurance looking unto jesus the author and the finisher of our faith and and so you know the problem is zilgari's a lot of men don't develop that spiritual vitality in their life they're not pursuing the lord that they're living half-heartedly consumed with the things of the world and being influenced by the world because we're very very impressionable and the world is very influential it's like a rock coming up against clay right it's going to make that impression and we don't pause to be strengthened spiritually and so then we drift so yeah the issue is christ he must be at the center of it all yeah what you're saying reminds me of what jesus said that in john 15 verse 5 when he said you know i'm the vine you're the branches stay connected you bear fruit and then he said without me you can do nothing absolutely we can't break yeah so yeah no i'm fully fully with you on that absolutely yeah no he had he has to be at the very center of it all and and you know what what a what a novel idea right a christian pursuing christ um i mean that he needs to be the heartbeat of our entire existence and and when we do connect with him in a real way recognizing his love for us his care for us i mean you know what scripture says casting your cares upon him for he cares for you i mean the god of the universe who spans the the entire universe with his hand whom heaven and the heaven of heavens cannot contain he cares for us he thinks about us his his thoughts toward us are more than the sands like the psalmist said and when you recognize that and what hebrew says he who comes to god must believe that he is and he's a rewarder of those who diligently seek him and then you begin to recognize that that when he's your source you're going to have the strength you need to to overcome the sins that beset you yeah well in the book you talk about that there are behaviors and there are mindsets that lead to sin and that we need to deal with the behaviors and the mindsets talk about that yeah well you know like romans 12 2 tells us don't be conformed to this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind you know truth must be the catalyst that sets us free everything begins in the mind and the mind is informed by truth i love the saying that says you know i i start with the word of god in the morning because i know i'm going to be lied to all throughout the day and so we need to be a people who understand that if we don't get a hold of our mind if we don't inform our mind with god's word with truth if we don't put on the mind of christ like scripture talks about as well then we're going to be swayed and whenever you're not leaning on the wisdom that god has revealed to us through his word you're going to immediately by default give into the wisdom of the world which we know is folly and so we have to get to that place where we recognize we've created patterns of thought that have been informed by lies that have come to us through our enemies the world the flesh and the devil and we need to reverse those lies by renewing our mind and that happens through truth and that's found in god's word easy is this only a male struggle or is it also something women battle with and is their battle similar or different from from men in this area yeah boy is this overlooked gary it's often seen as a man's issue and by and large predominantly it is uh statistics tell us sadly 75 percent of christian men occasionally indulge in pornography and again like i said pornography is the gateway but then that ends up leading to all sorts of sexual sin but tragically 40 percent of women christian women or at least those that profess to be christians uh also occasionally indulge in pornography and so we need to recognize this is a systemic issue it's gone far beyond men and and i think by and large it's due to accessibility back in the day even if a man wanted to to look at some pornography pornographic as a teenager you know you had to have a friend whose dad had a stash of magazines or you had to steal a video from a store because they wouldn't sell it to you if you're under 18 anyway but now at the click of a button it's it's accessible and it's not just like you have to go to a location sit down at a computer we carry these little tiny miniature supercomputers in our pockets everywhere we go and so at the at a click at the click of a button like i said you have access but connected with that now has has you know been the element of curiosity and so even women who wouldn't naturally have that bent in the same way that men would because we are more visually stimulated but women now are because of curiosity beginning to dabble in it and it's tragic and you know one of the things that's been encouraging is even though the book is designed for men there have been women who have read it and who have said that they they found help through it as well what would you say to parents who you know discover that a child or a teenager is is watching pornography yeah well i would say before you get there take the steps that are necessary to prevent it from happening you know gary again like i said in our homes we have these computers in our pockets we have these phones and basically they are sewage pipes that can at any moment be open and so parents need to be wary of that they need to be understand that they need to take proactive steps to put software on their young teenagers phones and on the computers at home that are going to help prevent that and then communication to talk to them about the ravages and the destruction of sexual sin so we sat our children down and we we talked to them about the fact that sex is beautiful god designed it but the world has tainted it satan has perverted it right our flesh has has twisted it but it's a beautiful thing and then in connection with that we talk to them about the ravages of sin in terms of the sexual realm when we indulge in it in a way that god has not designed and so communication is huge and important but if your kids are there and they're indulging in it you can't treat this lightly you know satan would have us think that it's it's not as major as it is but it's huge and so you have to intervene you have to get in there and you have to change the dynamics that make it possible for your kids to indulge and then you need to begin to spiritually counsel them you may need to get your pastors involved and other spiritual leaders to help you but you have to take action and do it quickly you're listening to the Building Relationships with dr gary chatman podcast and our guest is author and speaker ez's wayne the title of today's featured resource at Building Relationships us is easy's book fight like a man a biblical strategy for achieving victory in the battle for purity find out more about it and ways to strengthen your relationships at Building Relationships us easy in the book you talk about a battle plan you know to to really fight against this and you talk about six c's the letter c uh that can help men fight against sexual immorality so tell us what these are and how these can really help us you know gary one of the things i talk about in the book is something that i call preventative preparedness and that's kind of the whole peace through strength mentality that the united states has that doctrine of look we can avoid major battles and wars if if we build up strength the point in this is to recognize that when you indulge in sin you are using these faculties and features that should be blowing your mind that that god designed and that he gave you but you're using them as weapons and so that one is creation and that's wield wonders as wellsprings for worship not weapons for wounding and i get into the you know vision and cognition what your brain does imagination creativity uh recall memory and then the coalition which comes from the word coitus which is intimacy and the mechanisms involved in that and reproduction and and so forth then i get into the cross when we're committing sexual sin we're doing it in the shadow of the cross where christ paid the highest price ever paid for anything to purchase our souls and we're basically spitting on the cross and trampling it under our feet and so we need to be cross-minded in walking in purity and that one is cross stop spitting and stomping on such a sacred symbol then crisis we have to think of the crisis that results from sin the crisis of moral authority and conscience and leadership capacity and joy and the witness that we're to have for christ and so that one is uh considered the catastrophic consequences of compromise and then crown uh james tells us blessed is a man who endures temptation for when he has been approved he'll receive the crown of life there are spiritual rewards to be had in eternity by enduring temptation and not giving into it and that one is envision endurance ensuring eternal enrichment and then the fifth c is crowd and that's recognizing that there's a great cloud or crowd of witnesses that has gone before us in hebrews that endured it says that they were even tempted but they persevered through faith and then there's a crowd of our children and our grandchildren and and our wives and and those that we've witnessed to and the believers that we've poured into we need to recognize our sin affects them and so that one is do as the departed did and don't dispense devastation and then finally the sixth c is of course christ like we talked about before he is the source of our strength for victory over sexual sin and we need to feast on him he's our ultimate satisfaction not just that but hebrews tells us he sympathizes with our weaknesses we can come boldly to his throne of grace to receive mercy and help and and then first john even tells us if we do end up sinning we have an advocate with the father these things were written so that you don't sin but if you do we have an advocate with the father he paid for our sins he wants to come alongside us and help us and that last c for christ and the illiterate sentence there is seek the sweet savior for strength satisfaction and sympathetic support and so i encourage men to to you know dive deep i i open all those things up in a deep way in the book and i i encourage them to meditate on those things memorize those sentences think on them every day and in the midst of battle they can go back to those as well i would think that section of the book is really really gonna help me and yeah if they will in fact do what you've just said you know let the c's remind them of those areas but then the statements that you're making in there yeah and and the thing is is you know we we need we need to give our minds something to do before the battle so that again we're prepared but in the midst of it what do you do you know you have to have a place to go and and and men have told me that you know they found these to be extremely helpful yeah yeah i can say that now you also use the word nope n-o-p-e as a part of your battle plan what does what does that mean yeah yeah so you know one day i was counseling this young man who had been struggling with with sin and temptation and i said to him look how you doing how are you doing with with pornography and he said you know what i'm doing pretty good i said well let me ask you this how are you doing with lust you know because sometimes i think gary men can have this mindset well i'm not looking at porn i'm great but sometimes do we even really need it right we have our our memories we have our own depraved imagination and so uh we don't need that so you know the young man hung his head kind of in shame a little bit discouraged he said you know i'm not doing too well there and gary i felt this sort of zeal and passion for righteousness and purity rise up in my heart i said brother you know what we just have to get to that place where we say enough is enough i'm done with this we just have to say nope it's not happening anymore in my life and i said in fact you know what we need to say that word nope out loud because that commits us nope i'm not doing it and you know gary nope has an edge to it if someone says hey can you help me move house this weekend you say no that's one thing if you say nope it's like whoa okay this guy's serious about this you know and so i said we need to say we need to do we need to say it out loud and i looked at this young man and i could tell it resonated with him it resonated with my own heart it was something special kind of happened there i couldn't explain it in words but the next day i'm leaving home to go to the office i'm in my car i'm driving through my my neighborhood to go to the main street when these two young ladies bearing wearing barely anything came jogging by my car i caught a glimpse of them in my periphery and instinctively i just caught myself saying nope out loud and as soon as i said that i thought you know what i wish there were some acrostic that could go with the word nope that would have some meaning to it and as soon as i thought that gary the words popped into my mind nope n-o-p-e not one peak even not one peak even and i've shared this with so many men and the men that have read the book they've told me this has like transformed their mindset and understanding because it becomes this insert this tool to where you meditate on it enough you catch yourself instinctively doing it and saying it but then i said to myself well why nope why not one peak even it has to be anchored to something and what fuels it is love and it's the five main things that i love uh and you know as i'm thinking about that i envision my hand reaching out to grab a hold of the handle of the plow remember jesus said if anyone puts his hand to the plow and looks back he's not worthy of the kingdom and that's kind of what it is that's what we're doing we're called to be focused on christ his kingdom but when we're looking at sexual sexually moral images or thoughts or getting into sexual morality that's what we're doing and so i envision each one of the five loves represented by each one of my fingers and as i'm saying it each finger is curling around that handle and what what is it that i love first i love my lord the one who paid that highest price that i mentioned to redeem me and save me i'm not going to sin against him i love my lady my wife who i vowed before heaven and earth to be faithful to who's who's the love of my life i love my lineage my children that that my sin will affect my grandchildren even my those that went before me my parents and and others i i love them i love his lambs i love god's people those that i'm to be a blessing to and to serve and then lastly i love the lost those that i'm called to be a witness to with the gospel and so because i love those things because i love my lord i love my lady i love my lineage i love his lambs and i love the lost nope not one peak even well that's powerful this whole thing of spirit the spiritual battle how does spiritual depravity sneak into our lives sometimes without us even realizing it yeah gary well that goes with what we discussed earlier and that is our fallen sinful nature right i talked about the world uh the the devil and the flesh the flesh is our our fallen sinful nature that is really the true enemy as dr john street talks about uh in this powerful book you know the the world and the devil are outward enemies of opportunity that ally uh or ally with the flesh but that's the real enemy so yeah our sinful nature will always be there to give a helping hand towards sin and unrighteousness and so we have to understand that you know the the problem is is that most of the men out there today can have that self-righteous mindset especially leaders you know the sad thing is gary 18 of pastors say that they occasionally look at pornography and it's that mindset of no i i can't do it i wouldn't do that underestimating the sinful nature but i love what votey bakam said you know he said that the strongest man in the bible fell into sexual sin the wisest man did and the godliest man did if we don't think that our sinful nature is so depraved that we can't fall into it in essence we're saying that we're stronger than samson we're wiser than solomon and we're godlier than king david and that's just plain stupid right yeah wow yeah well we're talking about the the nope thing and i really like that what happens to the man who allows sexual sin an open door in his life well you don't have to look far right i mean you look at king david as an example david sinned and he sinned egregiously and he was forgiven you remember the prophet nathan after david acknowledged his sin and repented he said to him and the lord has put away your sin and then he said but the sword will not depart from your household you know gary men need to recognize that sin has ravages and oftentimes i think this confusion hits our hearts and minds yeah god god's gracious god forgives he does but there are consequences to sin the sin of sin is the sword never departed from david's household i mean there was destruction from that point moving forward and again this isn't to obliterate hope but it's to bring sobriety look you can't reverse the fact if you indulge in sexual immorality that you have just been notified by your doctor that you're hiv positive you can't reverse that right that's regret you can't change the fact that you've now destroyed a precious marriage that was beautiful and and your wife now has divorced you and left you you can't change that you can't change the fact that that your children uh have have been harmed in different ways because of your sexual sin that led to your divorce and so on and so forth sin is a tangled web and and we need to recognize that and so men need to wake up they need to they need to pause and say no no this has consequences and you know gary the men that say i can't help it you know i i i ask men this question sometimes i say look if elon musk committed a hundred million dollars to you if you went six months without looking at pornography you know that you would do everything possible to do it right and so it's not an issue of we can't it's that we won't and and as one author put it value impacts behavior we need to reorient our value system so that it aligns with god's so that we see sin as hideous as it is and we see righteousness as beautiful as it is and we see his power as accessible as it is to be able to have that victory that he provides yeah i can do all things through christ strengthens me yes amen easy one of the things that i hear from a lot of men and women as well is the the shame that comes with pornography use and the shame that keeps you from god because you don't want to go to him he's holy and you feel dirty and so you just stay alone those six c's that you mentioned finishing up with christ there is that is a liberating message for anybody who feels that shame that you don't have to stay there in the shame you can move toward god's heart so that he can forgive you and clean you up right oh man i can't put into words how so important this is and how so glad i am that you brought it up and that's where i wanted to head you know in that there is hope in christ you know that the book is designed to be and i talk about that in the preface what i call gospel centric right the gospel is often misunderstood as just the instrument through which we're saved but in reality the gospel is the treasure house of spiritual riches from which we live as christians and the gospel has a part of it this great declaration that paul makes in effusions in him we have redemption through his blood the forgiveness of sins and you think about that right when christ died on the cross for our sins he had to pay for all of our sins or for none of our sins at all because we know that one sin leaves us outside of god's kingdom and earns us the judgment of hell for all eternity as we saw what and what happened with eden a man and a woman eating a piece of fruit in a garden thousands of years ago and here we are it shows how serious sin is in the sight of god but but here's where that leads us this leads us to the fact that when christ died on the cross for our sins we didn't even exist yet to commit those sins which means that christ saw us in our totality he saw everything that could possibly be seen about us and the bible tells us he demonstrated his own love toward us the father did and that while we were yet sinners christ died for us which means that the joy that we experienced the moment that we came to know christ and were saved is as valid as when we are in our deepest sin because his his redemption of us was real he knew all of our sin he saw us completely and yet he still gave his life to redeem us so the good news is no matter how badly you've fallen no matter how much sin you've committed while there are consequences to sin as i mentioned there is forgiveness there's redemption and there is restoration that you can change the trend and head in the direction of holiness and righteousness i've seen god do this in so many men's lives and for those of you listening today he wants to do it in your life run to him and let him set you free you see talk to the person who has a loved one who is involved in sexual sin and a destructive lifestyle maybe a wife it may be just a friend what would you say to that person yeah well my heart breaks for them first of all because like i said sin doesn't just affect us it's far reaching reaching and it has massive impact and i think sometimes there are reasons why people hesitate to do anything sometimes there's just the embarrassment how do i how do i talk to this person in my life who's living in the sin it's embarrassing they're humiliated i don't want them to feel worse but that's what love does right it speaks the truth and it has a confrontational element to it without needing to be confrontational in the sense of being harsh or or mean but recognizing that we're sinners as well even though our sin may be different but approaching that person with intentionality but at the same time with compassion and with hope it's hugely important because like you said there is that that element of shame that's involved there and there's that sense of hopelessness but being able to approach them with truth but also with the recognition that this sin only gets worse right sin is enslavement as scripture talks about who you obey you become that element's slave in essence and so you want to you want to direct them toward help you want to direct them toward others who can get into their life and and help them if it's a man accountability and and counsel from other men and and and direct them toward christ first of all but then those who are servants of christ who can help them in this battle yeah talk about the power of prayer in that context i've often said that prayer is the barometer that tells us where we're at spiritually as god's people because when you're sitting alone speaking into the air to a god whose face you cannot see whose voice you can't hear whose presence you can't feel it's a true demonstration of faith that that you know you're doing it despite what you might even think or believe and and prayer is is the lifeline for every believer oftentimes we say oh i guess all i can do is pray imagine putting that in a different way oh i guess all i can do is talk to the omnipotent omniscient omnipresent sovereign all-powerful god of the universe i guess that's all i can do and by the way the one the one who loves me infinitely that he paid with his blood to redeem me no look we have to understand that it's through crying out to the lord that we're going to see intervention in our lives right scripture says you have not because you ask not right and so we need to understand those words that james utters it that man we need to cry out to god casting your cares upon him he cares for you letting your requests be made known to him and understanding that that god divinely works through prayer it tells us in first john that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us and if we know he hears us we know we have the request we've we've asked of him and we know that his will is that we walk in purity i mean tells us that in first thessalonians four three through eight that that this is the will of god that you abstain from sexual immorality uh that you you determine to to put that off and walk in holiness and so it's also a connection with your god when you develop that intimacy with him in that close relationship it's going to change your desires and your pursuits as well yeah well you see i want to thank you for being with us today because you you're giving hope to a lot of men who are struggling in this area and i want to thank you also for writing the book i mean i know i know it takes time to write a book and i deeply appreciate what you've done and to our listeners i just want to say you know if you're a wife who's has a husband you know he's involved in this this would be a good tool whether you give it to him or a friend gives it to him but somebody needs to get it in his hands because it will help him so thank you for being with us today and may god continue to give you wisdom as you minister not only in this area but in other areas pointing people to christ it's been an honor gary thank you again for having me and may again the lord give men victory through the truth of his word and i hope they're able to mine that truth from this book it was a labor of love but uh god was gracious in allowing me to write it thank you again brother well there's so much we didn't get to on the program today if you go to buildingrelationships.us you'll see easy's wayne's book fight like a man a biblical strategy for achieving victory in the battle for purity again you can find out more at buildingrelationships.us and coming up next week how to have a mindful marriage don't miss the conversation with ron and nan deal in one week before we go let me thank our production team steve wick and janice backing Building Relationships with dr gary chapman is a production of moody radio in chicago in association with moody publishers a ministry of moody bible institute thanks for listening you