Stories From the Storyteller | Jonathan Evans

My kids are sitting down, you know, we try to find healthy things for them to watch that are backing up what we're teaching them.

And it's getting harder and harder to find these days. And so we say, why don't we take matters into our own hands and create a cartoon called Stories from the Storyteller and use modern illustrations to display biblical truths. You'll hear from mentor, chaplain, author, speaker, and dad, Jonathan Evans. He'll talk about the power of stories from everyday life. Our featured resource today is titled Stories from the Storyteller, life lessons from the parables of Jesus. And if you know anything about the gospels, you know how practical Jesus' parables, his stories were. I think Jonathan is going to encourage every parent listening today.

Don't miss the fun coming up straight ahead. Gary, you have grandchildren now. And I'm guessing you have used stories from your own life to make a connection with that generation.

Is that true? Yeah, and I think it's part of the joy of being a grandparent, you know, to be able to tell them, well, let's see now, when I was your age, you know, and then they ask you questions about all of it. It's great. You know, I've always enjoyed telling stories, you know, to our kids when they were at home and now the grandkids. Of course, the grandkids now just about to finish college.

The last one will only have two in there. So, you know, but anyway, looking back with a lot of good memories here. Yeah, well, let's meet Jonathan Evans. He is a graduate of Dallas Theological Seminary with a master's degree in Christian leadership, former NFL fullback who serves as the chaplain of the Dallas Cowboys and co-chaplain of the Dallas Mavericks. As part of his commitment to developing the next generation of devoted Christian leaders, he speaks around the country and serves with his pastor, friend and father, Dr. Tony Evans, both in the local church and the national ministry there. Jonathan and his wife, Kanika, are the parents of five children. They live in Dallas and our featured resource is the book Stories from the Storyteller.

You'd find out more at buildingrelationships.us. Well, Jonathan, welcome to Building Relationships. It's good to be here, guys. Thanks for having me.

Now, since this is Father's Day weekend, tell us a little about yours. Now, we know him as Dr. Tony Evans, but you know him as dad, right? That's right.

Absolutely. I mean, there was no difference between the man on the stage and the man at home. And that's what was spectacular about my dad. As I grew older, I realized I wasn't living in a contradiction. The word that he preached, the man that everyone saw, was the man that I had in close relationship with me at home. And one of the things that all of my siblings and I remember is he took his leadership role in the home, you know, seriously, had a lot of fun, didn't miss games, prioritize the family, but also was able to prioritize his call. And one thing that I think that, you know, from being a father now that I take from him is learning how to balance, learning how to balance your internal call with your external call and making sure you put your priorities in the right order. He was able to do that while still making a huge impact, and I think that taught me a lot. Yeah, that's tremendous. Now, you and your wife have five children.

Is there something your dad did when you were growing up and you were young that you consciously are trying to emulate now as a father? Absolutely. And that is leading the children around the table. Our life passage in the Evans family is Psalm 128. And in there, you'll see that it says, blesses everyone who fears the Lord and who walks in his ways. You shall eat the fruit of your hands.

You will be happy and it will go well with you. And then it says, your wife will be like a fruitful vine in your home, your children like olive plants around your table. And he took the around the table very seriously. Every night, Monday through Friday, we'd sit around the table and he would use the table as an opportunity, not just for eating, but for leading. And so obviously we didn't have as much gadgets back then and screens, but the screen that we did have was off.

The light was on at the table. And he used that time to peer into us, spend time with us, teach us God's word, have laughs, play board games, those types of things. And it really was a jelling scenario for our family. And so that's exactly what I do with my family.

Of course, there's sports and all those different things, but we get around the table Monday through Friday and we talk, we laugh, we play board games, we do Bible study, and we have a good time as a family with everything else in the house off. Oh yeah, that's powerful. You're bringing back memories for me, Jonathan, because that's what we did with our kids when they were young too. Now with five children, you probably see the different personality traits that they have, different interests that they have. Have you seen the value of parenting each one uniquely, individually?

Yeah, absolutely. And it's actually something that you learn. You only get to be a parent once, so you go through the process once and you're learning how to be a dad to each kid, realizing that they were born with your DNA, but so much different than either you or their siblings that have come before or after them. And it's important to understand those uniquenesses so that you can step into those uniquenesses, step into what they like, step into their interest. Because what's easy as a father is to try to pull them into your interest and feel a certain way about them if they're good or not good about what you like. There are certain kids that are easier to raise than others simply because they like what you like, and it's easy for you to do what they do. I mean, it's easier to make that connection, but there's other kids where you intentionally have to realize those differences, realize God gave them that, and go in to their world to enhance that and spend time with them and to make them feel just as valuable. And so that's something that I'm learning on the go, but it's extremely important.

Yeah. I'm hoping our listeners are hearing that because it's so important that each child is different and unique and we can't expect one of them to respond the way the other one responded, so that's super. Now, you and your wife produced a video series for families.

Tell us why you did that and what the response has been. Well, we're excited. Stories from the Storyteller was actually a series that I did for the Cowboys for Chapel a few years ago, and it was really the parables of Jesus Christ. And as I thought about this and looked at my five children, I said, you know, this is really going to be a great book cartoon series. And God just kind of gave it to me, gave me that idea because my kids are sitting down, you know, we try to find healthy things for them to watch that are backing up what we're teaching them, and it's getting harder and harder to find these days.

And so we said, why don't we take matters into our own hands and create a cartoon called Stories from the Storyteller and use modern illustrations to display biblical truths. And so it's a lot of fun. There's a lot of laughs. You know, it's a cartoon series, so it's really engaging for the kids.

But then the cartoons always end with story time at the end, kind of like the old school where you put your kids to sleep, and that story time replays the day and the godly principles from the parables of Jesus Christ that happened in that day. And so it's really exciting. The response has been outstanding for Right Now Media on their platform. We were in the top six most watched for 2022, and families are just, parents are just so excited. They can sit their kids in front of this and they can learn, have Bible studies around it, ask the kids what they learn. It's really fun and the kids love it. I mean, so it's been really fun for us to do. Our kids do the voiceovers. And so it's exciting for them to be a part of the impact and to see the impact that it has on other people's lives.

Oh yeah, that is exciting. Now the series is a book in a book, the stories that is, Stories from the Storyteller. Talk about how important it is to have bedtime traditions of reading together and doing things like you've just described.

Well, I think so a man thinks in his heart, so he will be. And I think that when you go to bed, the last thing you're thinking about really engages not only your unconscious state, but it also your dreams. I mean, it goes that deep as it relates to the things that are thinking about and consciously put in the minds of kids. We can't manipulate outcomes, but we can certainly put them, put good things on the shelf and godly things on their mental shelf so that they're continuing to meditate on these things. And so getting them at bedtime is a great tradition because we pray over our kids every night and they remember that. They remember that my parents took me in, they read me stories, they prayed for me, just like eating at the dinner table and having that time we had growing up. And so those are great traditions.

It's kind of been left a little bit and we're trying to bring it back. Not that you have to do it at bedtime, but with this series, your kids will be begging for bedtime. They'll be begging for it because in the book, not only is it something you can read to them, but at the end of each chapter, there's a QR code so that the cartoons can tell the story to them. And so the cartoon series is also in the book itself. And so it's a very engaging time, very fun time you can have with your kids as you wind them down for bedtime. And the cartoon characters in the story, they get in their superhero bedtime pajamas at bedtime because they're so excited.

So it just connects with the reader very well for that time of day. It's really exciting. This is Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman, author of The New York Times bestseller, "The 5 Love Languages" . If you'd like to hear a past program, take a free online assessment to discover your love language or see our featured resource today.

Go to our Web site, buildingrelationships.us. Jonathan, you talked about just before the break, the bedtime tradition. Kevin Lehman, Dr. Lehman's birth order, used to say, don't do anything at bedtime that you're not prepared to do every night of the year. When you set this tradition, you know, they come to expect that. Have you found that to be true? No doubt about it.

No doubt about it. They are. They come to expect it. My kids, literally, I'll tell them, all right, kids, go upstairs, brush your teeth, get in the bed, and they'll brush their teeth and they'll get in the bed, but they'll leave the lights on. And sometimes I'm thinking, why are you leaving the lights on? And they're like, we're waiting for you to come up. Like the expectation that in order for them to go to bed, I have to come up there first and pray over them and spend some time with them.

And it's good. Sometimes I'm tired. Sometimes I don't feel like it. Sometimes it's been a long day at work. Sometimes I'm ready to get them down, but it's a good reminder for me to push myself because that's what they're desiring and that's what they will remember.

And so they definitely will expect it, but it's good. Yeah, I remember that with our children. You know, children thrive on routines. And of course, when you have a routine like this, where at the end of the day, we're coming together, talking about God and praying together, these are memories that will be there for a lifetime.

Really powerful. Now, when you are recapping the day with your children, it's easy for a parent to come down hard on a child for their behavior or something that didn't quite go right during the day. How do you avoid that as you process the day with your children? What Jesus did with us is, yes, looking at him, we're able to see and looking at his word, we're able to read about him telling us where we fall short and where we're wrong. We also have his grace, mercy, and love. And I think that if you have grace and truth together, then you can explain where we need to grow tomorrow, but how proud of you I still am today. Because, you know, I tell my son all the time, he gets in trouble, I have to get on to him, one of my sons particularly, because he's so rambunctious, which is his personality. But I have to tell him, you know, I love the way that God made you.

There are some things that we need to work on and hone in, but I want you to always know daddy's proud of you. And so when you're able to let them know that they can receive what you're saying on the other side, because they know that their father loves them on any side. And so I think that that's just important to have grace and truth combined, and not just reacting based on things you don't like.

Yeah, that's so important. When you think about parents in today's world, what's the most important calling, most important thing for parents to keep in mind today? Well, I think to keep in mind that God has given us to be stewards of our children and not owners. One of the things that really gets parents in trouble is that we think that we can create the environment, pay for the situations, or put them in this area of thinking and operating that is going to manipulate a certain outcome.

And that when we don't get the outcome we want, you know, we're typically put in a situation where we're blowing a fuse, blowing a gasket, we're operating out of character. And the problem is because we put a false God ahead of the true God. And the false God is the school I sent them to, the neighborhood I put them in, the friends I chose for them. So we think that we can put them in an environment that saves them. Now environments are not important, but they're not God either. So I think that it's important for parents to know that we are stewarding our children, not owning them. Because if environments were the determinator of an outcome, then Adam and Eve would have never sinned.

They were in a perfect environment, had a perfect father, and they still made a decision that was opposed to his will. So does that mean the environment was bad? No. Does that mean God was a bad father?

No. It means that children have the ability to make choices they're not taught to make. So I think that it's important for us to realize you do your best and then you pray because God is the ultimate one and the ultimate Father who changes and saves people.

I think the distinction between those two words is really, really powerful, Jonathan. You know, stewards of children, not owners of children. In the book of Nehemiah, chapter 8 and verse 10, it says, The joy of the Lord is our strength. How do you pursue the joy of the Lord in parenting? Well, first of all, you have to realize that the kids are a blessing.

Blessed is the man who is equipped for full. And so kids are the only blessing that people try to limit. There's no other blessing that you want to limit except for the blessing of kids because it makes you work. It makes you unselfish. It puts you in more of a position of holiness while we try to limit it.

But it's really looking at kids as what they are. And it is your immortality. It is your legacy. It is a true blessing from the Lord and operating with them with an attitude of gratitude, even when things are hard. And so a lot of that is a decision of the will.

You know, Paul says in Philippians, I will rejoice and he's in prison when he's doing it. So it's a decision of the will to recognize that what God has given you is a blessing. And our job is to take those arrows and make sure that we're aiming them as best we can towards the will of God and then let them go so that they can express the will of God in their lives as adults. And so I think that the joy of being able to steward something so powerful that's going to carry the attitude and actions, character and conduct of not only you but Jesus Christ, most importantly, is the greatest gift. It's the greatest gift for a father.

It's the greatest gift for a mother to be able to do that. And we have to see it that way so that we can experience the true joy that comes with it. You know, we alluded to this earlier, the whole idea of children not always being perfect, of course. In the chapter of the book entitled Wilderness Wisdom, the Evans children fail in setting up their tents as the children of Israel did in the wilderness. How important is it to allow children to fail? I think that's very important because that's a part of stewarding your children and that's also what God allowed in the garden.

And so I think that it's important that some of their knowledge be gained through the experience. One of the reasons why you know God's Word is true is when the moment you don't do what it says because the outcome will help you recognize how real truth is. And so I think that sometimes, you know, I will often let my kids have their own way so that they can come to the knowledge that there is a better way, that there is a more truthful way or I should have listened or I should have done it based on what my dad was trying to tell me and that I don't know as much as I think I do. But if you're always only forcing them in the direction of right, which as a father you're well aware of, then they never get to experience the truth when they do wrong. Now you don't want them to do wrong, but sometimes wrong can push a person towards right without them holding a grudge that they're forced to do something in a way that they weren't originally wanting to do. And so I think that learning through experience is important. Of course, you try to make sure that no one gets extremely hurt or put in a bad position, but sometimes I'll tell my kids, okay, well, you know, if you think that's best to do it that way, go ahead and try it.

And they'll try it and after sitting there for an hour and it's not working out, then they come back to me and realize that they wasted time. And so there's definitely a way of teaching that's really good when it comes to allowing them to experience themselves. Now, you played sports at the professional level and I've heard players and coaches say that they've learned more from losing than they ever learned from winning. Do you agree with that? Yeah, I think you learned both, but you do learn a lot from losing because it teaches you how to win. I mean, it teaches you what you did wrong and it makes you more serious about getting to the right. And so, you know, the saying goes, if you if you never failed, then you didn't try. And so in life, you're going to have failures. But if you don't fail, then, you know, if I'm hiring somebody and they've never failed, I would be a little I would be like, I'm not sure, because then you wouldn't have learned enough in that atmosphere to keep that atmosphere from coming back. And I think that while you want to minimize those failures, if they if and when they do happen, you certainly can grow and learn from them to make sure they don't happen again. Yeah, it's still more fun to win, though, right?

Definitely. It's definitely much more fun to win. But sometimes the getting to the championship takes suffering a hard loss so that you can catapult to the top. So, yeah, but yeah, definitely more fun to win.

Everybody's happy. But sometimes winning too much can be just as harmful as failure. So it just depends on on how it works out. Yeah. Jonathan, I'm interested to know about your dad and the sports thing, because obviously he was he was a cheerleader, you know, behind you and everything that you were doing. He wasn't one of those dads that ran onto the field or onto the court, was he?

No, my dad was very calm. Normally he was sitting in the stands. He still had a book, a notepad and a pen in his mouth because he was preparing a sermon while he was watching my game. He would multitask. I'd look up there when I'm on the sideline. His head is down when I'm on the field.

His head is up. And we talk about balancing your ministry and your family. He did that so well. He even flew to Germany when I played in NFL Europe. And he had a pen in his mouth, his Bible open.

And it was the same thing as when I was a kid. He'd look up when I'm on the field. He'd be studying when I'm off the field. And and then from Germany, he flew back to Dallas and landed at 6 a.m., got to the church at 7 a.m., preached at 8 a.m. and 11 a.m. And so that's Tony Evans for you, you know, and that's the balance. But he loved doing it. He loved being there for us. And he lived preaching God's word and he was able to do them both and do them both well. And that's what I learned that a lot.

But no, he was he was calm. He got it done, but he got it done without trying to play the game with me. Yeah. I have to ask, too, about your the loss of your mom, because people around the country kind of live through that with with your dad and with you and your brothers and sisters there. The loss of your mom.

How how are you doing with that? Well, you know, it's been since 2019, and so we're growing in grief and we're continuing to learn what it is to live life without my mom. But we also, you know, believe what we preach and believe what we minister.

And that is, you know, that that the day will come for all of us where we see Jesus Christ and she's in a better place. And we know that we're honoring her by taking a lot of the things that she's taught us on to the next generation, including the recipes of all the great meals she used to cook. But there's a lot of things that we're carrying on and we're watching my dad continue to push through and grow. And so it's been a it's been a journey, but it's also taught us a lot about God's victory in our life and that, you know, every player retires. There's there's no player that plays a game that doesn't eventually retire.

And you don't get to determine when that comes. Every player wants to play 10 or 12 years, you know, but some leave in three, some leave in five, some leave in seven. And it's always hard when they leave. But your job is to put your head down and do what the coach is asking you to do until you leave, too.

It's all of us. And so we're just going to continue on and do what God's called us to do as players that are still on the field until we retire as well. You know, Jonathan, I think all of us, as we get older, reflect upon what you just said. We all know that there's going to come a day when we're going to die unless the Lord comes back first and we'll all be transformed. But I think, you know, preparing ourselves for that, the key is focusing on God's plan for you in the present.

Right? That's right. I think the key is recognizing not only what God is going to do for you in the present, but being able to look back and seeing what he's done for you in the past so that you have confidence in the present. And letting that confidence in who he is and what he's done carry you into what he wants you to continue to do. And he said, in this world, you will have trouble.

But he also said that you can have joy because he's already overcome it. And so those are the two that is the dichotomy of living this life is that you have to focus on victory even while you're in battles. And so as you do that, you just have to continue on.

You have to put one foot in front of the other. Life is not going to be easy. He promised us that. And so we have to have the right expectations that if we're in the Lord's army, that means there's a battle somewhere.

And so we have to continue on to do that. And especially in our families, especially in our families as fathers, is to be the lead warrior in the family who's going to teach our kids, train our kids, love our wives, and build a family and a legacy that matters. Thanks for joining us today for Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman. You can find us online at buildingrelationships.us where you'll find more simple ways to strengthen relationships. Our featured resource today is Jonathan Evans' book, Stories from the Storyteller, Life Lessons from the Parables of Jesus.

Again, go to buildingrelationships.us. Jonathan, as a parent, we know that doing something yourself is easier in the moment than teaching your child to do that particular chore, whether it's making up a bed or cooking or whatever. Why is it so important to trust children with responsibilities, even if they don't do it exactly like we would do it? Because that's the only way they're going to learn them. I mean, the only way that they're going to learn them is having the opportunity to go at it, whether it's folding clothes, whether it's washing the dishes. And you know, they can get frustrating because you pull the dishes out, they're all still dirty and you're trying to eat on a clean plate. The clothes are jammed in drawers and the drawers can't close. The bed's not made. You know, you didn't dry off the toothbrush, son.

That's not a good idea, daughter. I mean, there's so many things and they're little bitty things to big things, but it's important for them. And for us, particularly since we're dealing with Father's Day, as fathers to be teachers, the Bible says, fathers raise your children.

It's very interesting that the Bible tells the fathers to raise their children in the book of Ephesians because it's our job. It's our job. What is the woman supposed to do then? Well, she's supposed to help.

She's the suitable helpmate. She's supposed to fill in the gaps when you can't be there, but you're not advocating your role to her as the one responsible to raise the children. Genesis 18, 19 says, I have chosen you to lead your children and raise your children in righteousness and justice so that I can bring about the promise that I have in your life. He's talking to Abraham. And so he tells us, you do it, is what he's telling the fathers. And so we have to stand back and teach and allow them to, like we talked about earlier, fail so that we can continue to teach them the right ways. And the more you train the player, the better the player gets, the less you have to say.

And so it just takes time and sometimes we're impatient with that. Yeah. You know, some time ago I was having dinner with a group of professional football players and their spouses. It was a kind of a little retreat thing for them. And one of them said to me, you know, one of the things that we've been talking about is what are we going to do when we age out of football? Because that's all we've ever done since we were kids.

We played football. You know, what are we going to do? And one of them said, well, you know what I'm doing with my kid? I'm teaching him how to run a lawn mower, you know. So I never learned that. So really, where else are they going to learn some of those skills of daily life if they don't learn it from parents, right?

That's exactly right. I mean, everything from changing a tire to mowing the lawn to learning how to fix things around the house. You know, that's one thing I do is when things break down before I call somebody, I try to see if I can figure it out and fix it and change doorknobs and those types of things around the house that, you know, people are losing those types of skills that are needed, especially when you're a father teaching your sons about certain things to do. And, you know, so it's important to do those things and show them those things so that they grow up aware of how to function. And obviously now, even if you don't know how to do it as a father, you can pull it up on YouTube.

It'll show you first. Yeah, I mean, there's ways to learn it so that you can do it, but it's important for them to teach that. And then also as a father to teach your girls, you know, date them, take them out, show them how they should be treated and respected and what a man looks like in the home. I mean, all of those different things are part of a father's responsibility. Yeah. I was talking to a mother recently. One of her children was getting married and she said, you know, the thing about it is neither one of them know how to cook. I don't know what they're going to do when they get married. They've got to learn that somewhere. Yeah.

I've sometimes suggested to parents, they ought to sit down when the teenagers are there and together make a list of all the things they'd like to know how to do and the things you'd like for them to know how to do by the time they're 18 and spend time and invest time in doing that. So, yeah. Yeah. So important. Well, let me talk a bit about values. You know, the values for our children in this book are foundational and very biblical.

What are some of the important family values parents should hold on to as the culture around us seems to be unraveling? Yeah, absolutely. Well, you know, it starts in God's Word. You know, I told you Psalm 128 is our favorite passage. And first of all, the number one value is the fear of the Lord says blesses everyone who fears the Lord. And so God is first.

That means that's not just an ethereal statement. That means what does his word say? That's what we value and that's how we live. We live our life under his rule. If you don't live under his rule, then you'll find some other rule to live under.

It'll just be the wrong one. And so so blessed is everyone who fears the Lord. And so we want to be connected to him. And then what we say is that we want to be connected to family.

And so I have three things that I tell my kids. I said, love God, love your family and take care of your responsibility. So you want to love the Lord with all your heart, your mind, your soul, your strength. But you want to love others more than yourself. The book of Philippians 2, it says, regard others as more important than yourself. And that starts with family. And so the greatest commandment is love God and love others. And so if you want to bowl the Ten Commandments down into a simple statement, that's the statement. And so the value is God, it's family. And then what is God calling you to do? How are you going to be responsible?

Not only in your responsibility as it relates to your chores and things you're supposed to do, but your responsibilities at school, your responsibilities as a child of God, your responsibilities as a leader in decision making, your responsibilities as it relates to your church service, your responsibilities. So what are those things? And so you create those three things. And I tell them value number four is something that shows up, but you don't even have to really put it on the list.

And that's fun. If you take care of one, two and three, fun shows up. What we typically do as kids, as in the kids, you always go, you know, you always start with number four. And then I have to take you out of number four so that we can do number one, two and three.

But if you would have done number one, two and three, I don't have to take you out of number four. You can enjoy it without having to worry about your parents saying something to you. And so once we learn to prioritize the fear of the Lord, prioritize family and prioritize our responsibilities as it relates to those first two cogs in the wheel, then fun is not something that you have to worry about because God says you will be happy. It will go well with you when you fear the Lord. So that's how we try to set it up in our family.

And I say it every night when we pray, help them to love God, love their family and take care of their responsibilities. And you'll take care of the fun. Yeah, yeah.

Powerful, powerful. Talk a little bit about a common struggle that parents have. You know, by the end of the day, often we're exhausted because of all that we've had throughout the day. Any tips for moms and dads on dealing with the end of the day chaos and being able still to enjoy each other as a family?

Absolutely. So one of the things that we do in our family is, first of all, you have to set a bedtime. If you don't set a bedtime, they're going to go to bed anytime.

And I think that's important not just for your relationship with your kids, but your relationship with your spouse. One of the things that me and my wife get is typically we get a date night probably four nights a week because the kids are in bed on time. And once you do that, you're able to enjoy one another, finish things that need to be done around the house. But also, you can get in the bed at a decent time, watch your shows, the things that you enjoy to do, do Bible study, pray with one another, talk about the day, talk about other things that are going on without always feeling like you're in the hustle and bustle. Parents need a wind down time as well, but if you don't set a bedtime to say, hey, here's the standard and get that to be a part of the kids routine because they're big on routines, then you'll be on their schedule and they won't be on your schedule. And so I think a lot of parents are on their kids schedule, which is why they can't spend time together.

They're fussing and fighting because they're frustrated all day and then they're frustrated all night because they haven't set a standard in the house that this is what we do. And so for us, everybody has to be down at 9 p.m. I got a 14 year old, so hers is a little bit later than the younger ones, but everybody has to be down at 9 p.m. so that between 9 and 11, me and my wife have two hours of serenity and peace to just talk and do what we need to do. But that's an enjoyable time for us.

So I think that the parents or the single parent or the father needs to establish those things because that also helps your relationship with your children because now you're more sane to be the parent God is calling you to be when you've had that time of solitude and serenity is very important. Yeah. And one of the things we did was, I forget the exact times, but when they were little, you know, bedtime was earlier, of course. But then as they got a little older, we would just raise it five minutes, you know, like from 8 o'clock to 805 this year and then 810.

We got up to nine when they were a little bit older. But yeah, you're exactly right. Having a set bedtime is good for the kids and good for the parents. Absolutely.

Yeah, absolutely. It's good for both because it's going to put the parents in a better position to spend time with one another. And the best way to raise your children is to have a good marriage. And so you want to focus on that, but it also makes sure that the kids get up and they're not grumpy from being up too late, which is a big thing. And you can also have a better relationship with them because now you're in a more sane and solitude position to respond to them appropriately.

So it's good for both. This is Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman, author of The New York Times bestseller, "The 5 Love Languages" . Today, Jonathan Evans is with us and he's written the book Stories from the Storyteller, Life Lessons from the Parables of Jesus. Find out more at buildingrelationships.us. That's buildingrelationships.us. Jonathan, let's talk a little bit about social media and the Internet because they compete for our attention, both children and adults. How do you handle technology in your family?

That's a good question. Yeah, I think that technology has been a big issue that we've had to resolve in our family and had to make a decision. And what we do for the technology and uses of technology is we just don't allow it Monday through Friday. I mean, because the responsibilities are first. And so God, family, take care of your responsibilities. And on the weekends, if they've earned it during the week, if they've done what they're supposed to do, the responsibilities are complete. We'll allow them to get to their video games.

And, you know, my oldest, there's a certain little show she likes to watch and things of that nature. We'll allow that, but we'll also still create parameters on the weekend. Otherwise, they'll veg out all weekend. And so we'll create a certain amount of time that we allow on Saturday for them to have those gadgets. Because, you know, the world that they grew up in, they're going to need to know how to use them, how to meander through them and how to kind of use those types of devices and understand them. So we're not opposed to them, but we're opposed to not them using the device, we're opposed to the device using them. And so we want to make sure that we have our family time and we're not competing with other things.

And that device is, you know, the phones and the tablets are competition to your family time. And so it's important for us to set it up that way. Yeah.

I think a scheduled time is kind of what you're saying for these different things. Yeah. And that is so important. Because kids thrive on structure. And so we're not depriving them of anything. We're just helping them learn how to pace life in a positive way.

I want to go back to another issue that we just barely touched on earlier. And that is, you know, as parents, when our children don't do things or do things we think they shouldn't be doing, it often stimulates anger inside of us. And so we come down hard on the kid, you know, yell, scream and those kind of things. What can a parent do to prepare themselves for those situations so they're not responding in that negative manner?

Yeah. I think it's important to just prepare yourself based on what you set up. I mean, a lot of times we respond in a negative way. But sometimes because we were ill prepared and didn't plan well, we're really responding to our own lack of structure. And so sometimes you're really getting on to them, but it's really not them.

They're being kids. And so we have to put a structure in place. Like you said, they're creatures of habit and structure. And you put that structure in place. Now, when they go out of bounds, you throw the yellow flag. But if there are no boundaries, then how are you throwing a flag? You didn't create the structure. So they're getting a yellow flag thrown on.

They don't even know what they're doing wrong. And so I think that if you have that structure in place, then you legitimize when you are teaching them something or when they go out of bounds. But you also create freedom because structure creates freedom. Without the boundaries on a football field, there is no freedom because you can't play the game. The game is free to be played within the boundaries. If I could run around the stadium to score a touchdown, it wouldn't be a game.

It'd be chaos. A lot of parents are experiencing chaos due to their own lack of structure. And a lot of parents don't want to put in structure because it makes you work. It makes you be a parent.

So it's easy to just give them a gadget and walk away. But if you have structure, you actually have to take it. You actually have to have the conversation of why you're taking it.

You have to deal with the attitude when you take it. You have to be a parent. And so that structure is the starting point of sanity when it comes to these gadgets. And so you'd have to start there.

Yeah. You know, some parents want to be friends with their children. You often hear this, I want to be a friend of my child. But we also know that parents have the responsibility to correct and to discipline their children, just like God does us. So how strategic is the authority of parenthood versus just friendship with children?

Yes, definitely. And there's a balance there. I mean, you definitely want to open lines of communication. You don't want it to be so authoritarian that the kids are avoiding you for the sake of communication, because then with the hardest things in their life, they'll try to do it on their own and won't bring it to you because they're just afraid of what you're going to say. So I think that it's important to maintain a friendship, but not at the loss of your authority. So what that means is you have structure and rules set up. And that right there is authority. People always ask, why would God put a tree in the garden in the middle of the garden that Adam and Eve couldn't eat?

I mean, why would he even put it there? Well, because if there's nothing they can't do, then there's no authority. There's nothing to submit to.

There's no rank. There's no hierarchy. If there's something they can't do, then that in and of itself establishes who the authority is. So that structure established authority. And so once you have that structure, you have established authority because you've created the boundaries. And whoever creates the boundaries is the one with the authority. And so I think that that right there is the authority.

And you check in on that. You discipline through that, just like God did in the garden. You don't allow things to be torn down and shifted because you're the authority and you set that structure. However, what we have is a circle of safety. And where we pull in our older kids, especially right now, we say, hey, this circle of safety, anything you say won't get you in trouble.

We're not going to react. We just want to talk to you about it. So we want to know what's going on in your life, what your struggles are. And we want you to know this is the circle of safety, where we want you to be able to communicate to us. And we want you to know that we're here for you. And there's nothing you can say that's going to get you in trouble.

We're going to tell you the truth, but we're going to tell you the truth in grace. And all we're here to do is help you. So we often sit them down and open up the circle of safety so that they know, hey, this is a time where it's not about us getting on to you. This is a time for us to be there for you and help you. And that's where the friendship comes in.

But it's within the boundaries that you have set up from an authority perspective. Yeah, yeah. Now, Jonathan, you all have five children. Chris and Andrea have nine children. Now, we know that some children need more attention than others. So how do you provide for that child without neglecting others in the family?

That's a good question. It goes back to knowing your children and getting to know them to kind of know those needs. But when you have a child that needs more of you than others, you know, what I try to do is when we go out as a family, you know, we're there together as a family. But I will sneak off with one of them that I know is the daddy's girl or my son who really needs a little bit more time.

But they won't really notice the difference, you know, because I'll spend time with all of them. But the time that I give to the more affectionate kid will be more affectionate. The time that I give to the kid that needs the affirmation will get the affirmations. The time that I spend with the kid who just needs to be rambunctious, I'll run around with him.

The time that I get with the kid who just needs to sit and talk, I sit and talk. And when you learn who they are and you give them what they need, they get full even if the time that you spend is the same with every kid. So for me, it's about learning who they are and giving them what they need. It's almost like love languages in a marriage. If my wife is, you know, words of affirmation and I'm only doing gifts, well, I can spend the same amount of time, but I'm not giving what she's still empty because I'm not giving her the words of affirmation. And so once you learn what's needed, you give what's needed and you can fill the child up. Yeah. I think that's where the love languages is so helpful because it lets you focus on the thing that's really important to them emotionally. That's great.

Very good. Now, the parables and the principles from the Bible lessons are so practical in this book that we're talking about today. What other tips could you share on how to make scripture practical to our children? What we do, I did especially when they were younger, but I still have some young ones around the table. I would actually pre-prepare little skits for my kids that I would do by myself or my wife would join in. So I would teach the Bible and then I would get up from the table and they would laugh and have fun as I would kind of act out what I just taught.

Or I would have board games prepared. So I would teach a little verse. It's got to be short. Sometimes my wife will look at me and roll her eyes like this is too long. But I teach a scripture.

It's really short. One verse is all they need and you teach the scripture. And then sometimes I would bring in board games to play board games that would teach a little bit of what I was just talking about. So we would be able to have family time.

We would be able to have structure, but we'd be able to have fun. And they would still be able to learn those concepts. Or like with this cartoon, Stories from the Storyteller, they're able to watch a cartoon, but they're able to learn the biblical responsibilities as it relates to that cartoon. So we try to find creative ways to teach the practical truths and then obviously loving your brothers and your sisters. That's an everyday thing and they can learn how to do that. That's another practical way they can learn about serving, giving and growing. And so we use all those methods, but whatever creative thing a father can come up with, a dad can come up with to continue to teach their children, it'll work for them. Jonathan, this book, Stories from the Storyteller, Life Lessons from the Parables of Jesus, just briefly describe how a parent can use that because it's a unique book in that it is somewhat tied into the videos as well.

So just share that with us just briefly for parents. Yeah, you can use this book to sit around your table at dinner and read a story. You can use it at bedtime, which will have your kids begging for bedtime where you're just reading them a story at night. And then at the end of each chapter, one chapter is a full story. So you can just read one chapter. And at the end of each chapter is a QR code that you can scan with your phone so that they can watch the end of the cartoon. It's a snippet of the cartoon. They get the reading, but they also get the cartoon, and they're able to engage that way.

And so there's many ways you can use it. And then the full episodes of the cartoons you can find on my YouTube channel, Jonathan Evans, Jonathan Blake Evans. They're all there. Just type in Stories from the Storyteller on YouTube, or Right Now Media, you'll find them there. And you can really engage the full episodes as well, and they'll want to watch them over and over and over again. And soon we'll be coming out with the Stories from the Storyteller app. So keep an eye out for that, because that app will have all the episodes on there where they can open the app, and you don't have to worry about YouTube and all the other things that they could get into. So that app will be there, it'll be open, and it'll have a lot of Bible studies and other things that'll be intertwined with that.

So keep a lookout for the app as well, Stories from the Storyteller. Well, all of this is very, very helpful for parents, and I want to thank you for putting it all together. And I also want to thank you for being with us today. So may God continue to give you wisdom in your family, and I hope our listeners, and I know our listeners are going to profit from not only the program today, but also from the book and from these cartoons as well. Thank you so much.

It's been great to be here. What a fantastic resource from Jonathan Evans. You can find out more at the website buildingrelationships.us.

Find Stories from the Storyteller, life lessons from the parables of Jesus. Again, go to buildingrelationships.us. And next week, your questions about your relationships. Don't miss our June edition of Dear Gary. Looking forward to it, Gary. Now a big thank you today to our production team, Steve Wick and Janice Bakke. Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman is a production of Moody Radio in association with Moody Publishers, a ministry of Moody Bible Institute. Thanks for listening.