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The Dad Difference - Bryan Loritts

Building Relationships / Dr. Gary Chapman
The Truth Network Radio
October 17, 2020 1:00 am

The Dad Difference - Bryan Loritts

Building Relationships / Dr. Gary Chapman

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October 17, 2020 1:00 am

What does it take to be a great dad? On the next Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman, author and pastor and dad, Bryan Loritts gives the four gifts your child needs from his or her father. You’ll hear stories of not-so-perfect dads as well as those who overcome great obstacles to become fathers who made a difference. Don’t miss the encouragement for dads of all ages on the next Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman. 

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Every child needs for gifts from their father. You know what they are, you'll find out today on Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman.

I really believe that is the most powerful three letter word in the English language appropriate avoid being a bad man. I'm giving them a paradigm for how beautiful and godly life welcomed relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman, author of the New York Times bestseller "The 5 Love Languages" today, pastor and author Brian about the power of a father in the life of don't miss the encouragement straight ahead featured resource. Five love languages.com is is both dead difference for most important gifts you can give to your kids again find five love languages. Gary, your father made a difference in your life would give you is apparently still carry with you today hello? Good luck so much. One was dedicated father being a father and dedicated to following God. The letters were important. First, because it would've been a good father, without Christ in his life, but I think about your prayer work ethic because he was a hard worker, both in his job and at home in the garden and an awful lot. I gave my father so I'm excited about our conversation today because I really believe the importance of the father in the home is just so needed in our culture today and there's so much negativity to about dad that put out there in the media will talk a little bit about that with Brian Moritz is the author of our featured resource the dad difference.

The four most important gifts you can give to your kids is an executive pastor at the summit church in North Carolina, founder and president of the Kino's movement and organization committed to seeing the multiethnic church become the new normal is married to Cory and his dad to three sons, Quentin, Miles and Jaden you can find out more about him and I featured resource@ 5lovelanguages.com and welcome to Building Relationships great to be here with Gary and I'm excited and honored to have been asked to have known your father Crawford for many years and I'm guessing some of the things we will be talking about today came from your relationship with him.

But I'll be writing that all absolutely in fact you know I'm always quick to say with this book that I wrote the dead difference. This is not not me pat myself on the back and saying learn from it. Dad got three teenage sons 19 1715 and the jury is still very much out it's it's really a narrative about lessons I've learned gifts that my dad gave me as a father and so yes, the principles are embedded and ingest my my great privilege of being your son a certain is that a minister in the lives of many, many people and this overview of course. And that's exciting to see when our children follow God and walk in the truth Scripture say no greater joy than that. So I know that your dad is very grateful for the way you're using your life. Well, let's jump into it. Let's talk about the four gifts of father can give his children what are they finally matter. Let's get started by just jumping in and kind of giving us an overview of the importance of a father. Yeah, you know, I find the whole thing.

Gary right beginning of the book, and I use the analogy that I've traveled a lot over the years and and traveling from coast-to-coast.

When things are picked up on very early was traveling from west to east.

You can get to your destination faster because you have a tailwind, but traveling from east to west normally takes you longer to get your destination because you're dealing with a headwind analogy of dad's and you know there's probably 20 people listening right now and they would say, you know, I, I, had a headwind for my dad either. He wasn't there at all, physically, or maybe was there physically but emotionally, he was absent may be very passive and I just encourage people that you could still get to your God ordained destiny and life. In fact, some of the best dad that I know our dad's account of had a headwind for that one good examples and they know the pain of that and at some point they said to themselves. My kids will never know that pain and so they became what I call the tailwind that tailwind out of his dad, who through his intentionality through his vision really pushes and inspires their kids to hit the mark that God created them to have and that's what I had and for things tailwind dad dad's gift to their kids that I unpack and in the book. I use the acronym right Gary RI TE and that is been given the gift of relationship and all effective leadership really is birth of a relationship you know you cannot lead effectively when you're just not relationally connected to intimately and so that involves just showing up, being present, being intentional spending time in the eye is integrity and I'm very quick to say, integrity is not moral perfection. None of us are morally perfect. In fact, a whole chapter in the book where I just talk about apologies that my dad made and he would he would pull us out of class when we were little. Often times, and would apologize to us for the way he spoke to us or accusing us of something that he found out later on we didn't do, and what drove his apologies with his conviction rooted in the word of God. So even in our mistakes, we can still be full of integrity. The third gift is teaching.

I think that the tenured professors of their homes and were always teaching that not just verbally, although that's important you know, spending time around the word at the dinner table, but but how we treat mom how we how we relate to people who've wronged us how we go about our work were constantly teaching in the fourth and final gift is experiences and tailwind dad don't just give their kids gifts but but they've got a vision for their children and they give them experiences to entrench the values that they want to see installed to their kids is a powerful looking forward to jumping into them further as we move along here know it seems to me a brand that the culture and the media tries father soon. Over the last two years and not a very positive light and that you do you see that changing or are we going to rediscover the importance of a father and communicated in a cultural way. I hope so.

Gary, you know, which is why I wrote this book and I say early on. This is not me just piling on and bashing mendicants to your point.

This is very prevalent in our in our culture, and I think that's that's the reason why men tend to shy away from from resources like this because I just don't want to feel feel guilty. On the other hand, Gary, Amy, you and I both know that one of the horrible gifts for father Adam gave us was the gift of passivity and here is Adam watching a snake talk to his wife. In Genesis chapter 3, and we know that because the Bible says that tailwind when Eve took an Apple sheet or fruit she turned and gave to her husband was with her and so are natural default, the gravitational pull to manhood is downward in the past 70 and unfortunately that's become great father for media so I'd like to see that narrative change mind, I'd love to see you no more books, more commercials, more television shows and media really lift up positive dads take some intentionality in the culture to expose those great stories of a lot of American listeners to our program so just a word about the role of the father in the African-American community in our day yeah yeah I think that's a great great question Gary and the first thing it's important for me to say that no one ethnicity has a has a monopoly on on sorry dads mean that that's something that is rampant throughout all ethnicities but I think from a historical perspective, you know, when we just take a look back you know slavery really depended on on the dividing of the family and what was normal was on the auction blocks that was sent one place mom. Another kids to another place or from day one. Fractured families was the historical reality. The truth of the matter is we don't have to be handcuffed to the history we can choose today to write a new legacy to write a new narrative and I think my own great-great-grandfather Peter, who was a slave in Asheville, North Carolina, and he came to know the Lord Jesus, and he married a woman and was faithful to her and the emancipation that went down their marriage continued and thrived and then he had a son.

My great-grandfather Milt was married to his wife, over 50 years. They love Jesus.

One of their youngest sons. My grandfather Crawford will of the Ritz Senior he loved Jesus had three kids and then there's my dad is the godless man that I know in my direct line. There's no such thing as a man to divorce his wife or or a man who didn't love Jesus and I know for a lot of people listening they cannot relate to that. My encouragement to you and start a legacy today make up in your mind to kind of reverse the curse, so to speak, so that 150 years from now.

Your great-great-grandson is on some radio show. The thing that will let me just tell you how I got here so there's there's hope.

And we don't have to be changed to sociological reports. One of my favorite scriptures in the Bible talks about greater seasons in us than he that is in the world and in faith was huge to the legacy of strong men, strong marriages, strong fathers in my own legacy. All of us at the right and sees her background with it.

We didn't choose our our father wouldn't tease her parents or grandparents. Some of us are blessed in that we had good role models. Others didn't. So let's talk to those who are listening and their fathers fail them in whatever way what you say to those those yeah just to piggyback off what you said during one of my friends to pastor down in Florida are our past may explain us, but it doesn't excuse and you know II would just say that all affected fathers that I know is if there's one thing they had in common. It was intentionality that there was there was a proactive decision they made that I'm going to step up to the plate and I'm going to be intentional here and so I just want to encourage you, you know, I don't think good fathering just kinda happens by osmosis. If you've been through some pain which the sociological data says that that's becoming more and more normal. There's a lot of lot of men with fatherhood wounds that I would say you don't want to pass that on to your kids that you actually have a leg up on someone like me, and that you would say I can identify with what it looks like to have a dad who just didn't step up and I don't want to pass that on to my kids. I don't want them to feel what I went through and that's what I'm saying earlier on some of the best parents I know are those who know that wound feel it and have made up in their minds they just don't want to pass it on.

The other thing I would say Gary finally is no pray and seek out a good mentor to help you in your journey of fatherhood your that's why being involved in the church and especially the men's ministry and just kind of looking around prayerfully taking notes, who's doing that well take them out for coffee or lunch asked him some questions at some point it just feels right.

If there's chemistry there asked for help, you know, we men don't do well asking for help and that that's not just when it comes to direction generally don't do well and you know we are all in need of coaching and and especially in the area that matters the most, handing off a good legacy through our fathering. We all need good coaching absolutely will. What are some of the most common missteps that fathers make and how do we avoid those yeah so one of them.

I've already alluded to it. It's in the area of captivity and do another one that really comes to mind. Sociologist say Gary that we are in the age of extended adolescence and they define adolescence as wanting the privileges of adulthood without the responsibilities and because of that adolescence is so much and age it's a state of mind and I read reports some years ago that the sociologist say adolescence is actually extended now to age 35 really prevalent among men and its men still living at home with her parents, with no sense of vision, no sense of direction.

Now maybe they're playing video games all the day pontificating on the world's problems on social media, but not really doing anything.

Actually say kind of that really thrives in affluent households where you have passive dads and coddling mom so this isn't just a poor person's problem.

It really thrives in the middle to upper middle-class homes and I've got a friend of mine who happens to be Asian and we were talking one day. I forget how the subject came up, but I asked him I said that your giving one word to describe kinda how Asians approach parenting in their aspirations for their kids in the company with broad strokes, but what's really common my inference. It is our parents just want to be successful and then he said if there's one word that I would describe the typical American aspiration for their kids is we just want our kids to be happy and when you parent with a happiness ethic and you give your kids everything it actually handcuffs them from from greatness in their life. It's sort of like your I love biographies and you know biographies, all follow this you the same similar arcing will come from nothing. Struggle struggle struggle then then tumble into greatness was interesting. Very rarely do you read biographies on their kids and I think it's because Gary when their parents kind of go through struggle make it big. When the first thing they say is my kids will never have to struggle the way that I struggled and not realizing that that again just kinda handicaps them and it did it it it saps them of grit and resilience, and it makes them brittle and so it's I would say that's a huge problem with fathers is not allowing their kids to struggle with something about the wises listings and see saying he's describing my husband is in terms of being passive or extended adolescence and that some of the things you mention. And so she's thinking in her own mind. What can I do what can I do Habakkuk in either help me over help. The kids will decided that life timeline right you you want to have conversations but you don't want to keep on beating the same old drama, and that for men that that doesn't necessarily prove to be effective. I would say start with prayer and you know just just pray that God would move on the heart of the husband. I would say there's a place for comfort conversation with you, you know, in my my wife is. She does this consistently, you know where shall just encourage me to step up in certain areas with a particular child. I think that's beyond appropriate if actually necessary at third. I would say you know recommend reading a book together that would address some of these issues and enforcing others great conferences that you all could go to together. That would again address these issues of the shoulder to shoulder thing that you could actually do with your husband that kinda softens the blow so I what I would recommend business for five things there. Gary reading a book of going to conferences there's another voice speaking into the two of us, not just think that the wife was saying that it turned into a moment. Wow, I never heard this before, so what about the single mom. I mean, you know she is hearing this and sees thinking it was my kid going to be like. I don't have a dead yeah you know. Actually, I've got a sister who is raising two kids and now she's in that journey and it's hard trying to play multiple roles where several different hats.

Again, I would start with prayer and then I went I would start hanging out in an environment that is conducive to finding really good positive when some role models for your kids environments like church I would. I would just spend a lot of time prayerfully you know investigating, you know, contemplating men who could step up to the plate. If you're in an athletic league maybe could be a church leader, whatever it may be just spend some time in again.

I would caution into rushing into something. Unfortunately there are a lot of individuals out there who pass themselves off as one thing yet over time proved to be a completely different other, and the damage that causes is horrific so I would be really discerning and prayerful about it but that's that's on the mom side you're one of the things Gary that my dad just models so well for me growing up was that his philosophy of leaving extra played out on the table and I think with dad intuitively knew was God blessed us by no means were we rich wealthy or whatever, but by the world standards. God has really blessed us materially and he wanted to share that with others and my best friend in life 16 kids biological father was not in the picture grew up in the projects and yet he was always overall home for dinner and oftentimes we went to ball games together the three of us, me and my dad we went fishing together. He actually he actually lived with us for period of time. My parents actually helped him through college will now he's got to celebrate 22 years of marriage visa is a pastor and you got three kids that that is being a great father to and he would say it's because of Crawford Moritz who just stepped up so I would say if you're man listening in.

Keep your eyes open you may have your own biological kids, but keep your eyes open to that single mom could be struggling at least asked the question how can we step in and fill in those gaps.

Listening hearing that because I do think that they can make a tremendous difference in the life of a young man just for being a friend bringing them in. Brian I had you on my program Chris debris live back before Father's Day and there was a response to that program, we have people calling in from around the country saying this is what my dad gave me and after the program I got an email from a listener who said I've been listening to your program in Christian radio for a long time. I've never heard such positive things usually will we talk about dads. It turns negative and then she said, my own father was abusive to me and she went into detail about this and it was a it was a horrific childhood for her but she said this is how far I've been able to come because when I as I listen to your program. I didn't lament my own childhood as much as I thanked God for his fathering me and how I can say have a a positive view of dad's now because of the work that God has done in my life.

What you think about what would you say to her if you could talk with her today.

Yeah, I'm really not just incurred blown away by her response and you know unfortunately her story is not an outlier. There are plenty of people listening in who have similar stories and you know my worldview. Chris and Gary which is our worldview is. I see things through biblical lands and I would go.

What would God have me to do in a situation like this where if I had a that it was abusive which my dad wasn't. But how would God want me to respond when I would say God forgive and know forgiveness isn't his denial, but forgiveness is acknowledging the truth of what happened and a lot of times. Forgiveness is a one and done members plenty of time to run so deep, it's just the constant daily prayer like the Lord's prayer weren't constantly forgiving and leading into the grace of God, and we do that, not just because it's right. And because God has commanded us to. This also for our own benefit.

You know this whole concept of hurt people hurt people. There's a lot of truth to that when when I kind of wall up unforgiveness, bitterness contaminates me, and it robs me of my joy keeps me from living the kind of life God designed forgiveness is not necessarily reconciliation, and while the Bible would say we don't get a pass on forgiveness, reconciliation is a different matter to me. Romans 12 talks about is you can be at peace with all people, and so there is a lot of people that I encounter. Where will you go man II forgiven, but what about a relationship I got it it takes to have a healthy relationship and unless this person is willing to acknowledge what they did and is is really contrite about it. I would caution you about entering into a relationship with them, especially if they haven't borne fruit of repentance and letting the Spirit of God just guide and navigate you well. We teach our sons early on about being a good father themselves someday get back to thing on coaching.

I have no in my own journey into fatherhood. Not only my blessed with what a great model around dad. I've also leaned into some other man for coaching and just go you know I respect how you raise your kids. Give me some help in one of my when my fatherhood coaches as I call them encourage me to to to go out with Cory over the weekend course. My wife and I would call the vision weekend and we did this when our kids were young and we are. We went to hotel for weekend and we just took out a sheet of paper and we just dialogue and resent where one of the values we really want to see my kids know one of them was gratitude. One of them was that was a hard work ethic that we thought would serve them well not just kids but in life and is dad and am in the craft a plan where we could give them some great teaching and coaching and experiences that would instill that in them. And so you know, at the age of 10.

We took them with us on a missions trip down the Honduras inmates built houses and served and sat with orphans and heard their stories and got to know people you know we we fostered for a little bit in our own home and so they were able to walk alongside those who are left less fortunate and in the fruit that that's bearing in their lives that are not perfect, individuals are far from it. The fruit that that's bearing in their lives is pretty incredible and I like to believe that's going to stay with them in their journey into fatherhood, but again I think the Google all this was vision and intentionality and I would just say every dad has a vision for their kids, whether or not you've written it down for some of you with enough athletic success and achievement know and you spend a lot of time with them shooting hoops or thrown a baseball others academic success, whatever it may be you have a vision and I get I can tell by how much time you spend with them. The question is do you have the right kind of vision that should be anchored in the principles of the word of God. But in what ways can bring a great father. Teach your daughters. You know how daughters but many of us do, because it can be a good father, help them become good mothers.

Again, this whole concept of the dads are always, always teaching and I think one of the things and I actually have a whole section in the book that deals with it is that dads can instill in their daughters. What to look for and expect in in a man, and we can model that effectively to them. What is it look like. To treat a woman you II have a friend of mine you walk into his house. The first thing you see. The first thing you see is that mounted on the wall that has carved into it to words respect her and it's got all the signatures met all of his kids are grown now and I asked him about the back and is as well is a villain when our daughters were in high school and started to date there is no such thing as Amanda is coming over here pick them up without me interviewing them first so couple days before we'd set out on the porch and you know I get to know them.

I'd lay down the rules is what you will and what won't do with my daughter and if they agree to it brought out the back and they signed it of dream. I know what is essentially saying call to protect that. That's one of my roles here and I want to take that seriously and I and it's very important because it's been said that the core value of the core values for man's significance when the core values for woman security and to have a dad that provides that to their daughters is huge in their own emotional and overall development, that's for sure. We know that sometimes, even when we feel like we're doing okay, we really trying to be a good father that often are children will rebel against us as individuals and this happens most often the teenagers what causes that sometimes and how is it has a father responded that my dad saying. In fact, I put it in the book goes out, we parents love take too much credit. When our kids turn out right. Too much blame and I don't and you not think one of the things dad was trying to drive home was to not attach your ultimate sense of significance, value and self-worth in the performance of your kids and one of things I try to save early on in the blockage of these four gifts. It's not a recipe to manufacturing great kids. It's not you, just like you eating healthy does not guarantee long life you can eat well and and and exercise well and still die in your 20s but just like eating healthy and working out sets the table and increases the possibility for long life. So these four things you know, if you give these forget it. It enhances the probability there and so I want to own disabled things up front and also just give some hope this whole idea of not attach your sense of value yourself seem to be everywhere. Kids have you seen God's kids lately like we can read to be holy and rebellious and it's not because we don't know better when we have sin natures and so we do the best that we can. It was very important for McGarry to put them in the book I got my son's permission before I did it to talk in broad terms without mentioning his name about his journey and you know he went through an extended period of time out of the proverbial far country, and what would just move my wife and I's mind if I sit and I got three kids same environment didn't pretty much the same stuff into seem to be flourishing in the other seems to be floundering in in.

I gotta learn to give myself grace and I better learn to give myself a sense of forgiveness.

But what I've seen, that really promotes rebellion in kids, especially in Christian homes is a self-righteous, legalistic rules driven performance ethic where it's more about performance rules than actual relationship with their kids in a welding gear that you've really influenced me on from afar is just this whole notion of learning. My kids love language speaking it off and speaking it well later on this afternoon I'm going to knock off a little bit early and no one of my kids is a quality time individual to the driving range and what is gonna hit some balls and ultimately save about working on the golf game is just being together. You're one of my favorite verses is Matthew 317 if Jesus is coming out of order been baptized. The heavens open up sales and this is my beloved son in whom I am well pleased, and Gary. This is before you preach a sermon.

It's before he picks his disciples before before he performs a miracle dies on the cross arises from the grave goddess of luck. I just want to know son, I'm proud of you and and I think our kids need to know that like and don't attach.

I'm proud of you to their performance product and I think we can feel secure that that lessens the probability of of rebellion so they agree with the relationship that you have in the communicating of love in a way that they understand so important because if they feel loved, therefore less likely to prevail, doesn't mean they won't, but they're less likely, even if they do, there's an anchor there. You know there's an emotional attachment there between them and the father and the mother for that matter. A little about about marriage and how the marriage relationship relates to being a good father.

Yeah, you know, my dad often said said to me says to me that he did his best parenting on his knees and how him and mom went would pray daily for us and my wife and are seeking to mimic the same thing just joining together praying for four kids and then really just you know trying to listen to my wife. You know II would say that my wife is indicative of a lot of women in that she just has this sense about this since of intuition, wisdom, discernment, and she will as I mentioned before, oftentimes maybe I come home from work from a trip and she would pull me to the side and would say listen, I'm seeing something in a certain child of ours. I think you need to step up in and speak to that which is really important and so as a husband, trying to really listen to my wife and and realized this is parenting the way God designed it should be a team sport and this mutual Ephesians 521 submission to one another and really trusting my life and in stepping up. She's really helped me along those lines, but what about the father realizes that he hasn't done the best job and yet he hears this and he's been thinking about it feels like he's failed his kids in a way where it is a start.

If he sincerely honestly wants to turn and then move toward becoming good father will first want to encourage this dad Gary and would would just say join the club. You know, I haven't talked to single dad doesn't have regrets or if I can only do it again I would do it this way sensibility to them. You know I am a pastor and a lot of times when I sit with older pastors and would say look, if you could do something different. What would be, I can't.

I can't think of a single pastor didn't say something along the lines of I would if I would've been on more. I would've knocked off work a little earlier I would've been more ball games with my kids recitals with my daughters, whatever it may be, so I would. I would just say you know all of us have ever even my own dad. Dad was an evangelist for years with a nonprofit Christian organization, and he crisscrosses country and has regrets. Looking back to school in May. I I traveled way too much so. And if dad did a phenomenal job so I would say you're probably beating yourself up too much but but secondly I would say authentically apologize to your kids and acknowledge it and and I think we all could use a little coaching when it comes to apologies. Apologies are not. I'm sorry you took it that way. I'm sorry you heard it that way.

Apologies take ownership. There are specific they named Hannah what would you feel like the offenses and it makes the big ask at the end and that is will you forgive me and I think if you do that many times not every time, but many time with times a new model that humility.

It really does set the table for authentic relationships with Korn once said when men share their strengths, we compete when we share weaknesses which we draw near, we draw close to one another and I think that's not just of the peer relationships with men. I just think that's a good human principle that when a person comes human weakness in humility really does set the table brings the defenses down and makes the likelihood of a thriving relationship at least a strong possibility. Most children are willing to forgive yes to say here in apologies and same time were teaching them a great skill in life because they too are going to have to apologize along the way children are going for.

To do this right. What about the single dad. Maybe it's a divorce situation and he only sees the children to know every other weekend or something you say to that dad. Yeah I would say you know keep your promises and show up and when you show up you know there's this vicious term know this whole notion of the Disneyland dad and what that speaks to is really the situation.

Gary you brought up where a lot of dad just have guilt and so what they do is they have a shower their kids with gifts and they know they spoil them rotten and yes there's a place for guests, but I would say when you show up, the number one gift you give them as yourself and your and your presence. I would also encourage that no matter what led to the demise of the relationship with their mother is is try to honor their mom in your speech, you know, even though it could be very bad, and even though she may be wrong on on all points present a unified front. My wife comes from a divorce situation. Years later, what lingers with her are after the divorce, just feeling like her dad just didn't show up.

The way that he could have got since then, they've been able to stick things together is apologize to her previous point my life as an adult has has forgiven, but we we may need to keep our word and show and and show by example that we have a vested interest in the overall growth health and development of the child. This is look on your own lives and what parts of saw the been harder maybe than you expected, and maybe some little bit easier than you expected. Well I tell you this phase of fatherhood and Gavin 19 1715-year-old have these these three boys. My dad not just talk about this two days ago.

This is for me this is the hardest phase because you are our kids are getting older there trending more into into independence and so I'm watching them make mistakes and wanting them to own their outcomes, but at the same time it's hard to not step in and just print prevent something.

Of course, there are some things that we draw hard lines on and we stepped in, but you know that's been hard biting my tongue parenting? All this is a great, great kid, but if you get into these young adult years. You know where I'm watching you make some decisions on who I don't I don't think that's the best thing and giving advice. And then, watching it blow up that's hard that's hard.

I gear you should write a book on parenting young adults challenge the challenge.

There is absolutely think it's probably for most parents. It's good to be the hardest part about the relationship that one has with her earthly father and that relationship is that often influence the relationship with her heavenly father.

Yeah, that's a great question Gary. You know the very first paragraph of the book I just come out saying I really believe dad is the most powerful three letter word in the English language and I know some theologians are going nuts right now go where I can think of another three letter word match God as an yes yes absolutely you have a point but but my point is that oftentimes how we see God is through the lens of how we experience that right and that shapes our perspective of God.

And so if if if your dad was.

Nothing is ever good enough. Always poking holes in things finding you know the weaknesses what you could've done better that you God and so what that does for me as a dad. It's really helpful to think man I'm giving them a paradigm for how they're going to view God. Later on in life knowing I'm on for help from God all, always mess up, but there's a there's an approach when I really understand that you should feel an appropriate weightiness to being a dad because you really are shaping what their perception of God will be a sobering thought, but it's true is very very true. Brian is been good to have you on the program today and I am so glad you wrote this book I think is going to help a lot of fathers. I like think most fathers aspire to be better. You know it's not a matter being perfect.

This is growing and I think this book is going to help them do it. So thanks for being with us today and thanks for your ministry. Thanks for having me. We hope this conversation has encouraged every dad listening and everyone who has a dad set that covers everybody there so much in the culture in the media that tries to say to dad's, you're not important and that's not true. In Brian's book could be the follow-up you need. After hearing the discussion. It's titled that difference. The four most important gifts you can give to your kids. You can find out more at 5lovelanguages.com again.

Five love languages.com and I want to encourage you if your marriage is going through a storm. Maybe the last few months of covert, 19 you had to navigate some physical or financial storm and prepared for. Don't miss the conversation next week with Sarah and Jeff, they face the waves of chronic illness in children with special needs devastating financial loss when all that crashed over their marriage they could given. Instead, they relied on the one who commands the women's in this if you are in a place of despair and pain. If the person in the Bible you feel most like Job don't miss the conversation with Sarah and Jeff Walton next as they show how you can stay together before we go, let me thank our production team Steve Weck and Janice time Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman's radio in association with publisher ministry and finally thank


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