So many people have read "The 5 Love Languages" but haven't read about apologies. Are there any requirements from your end if we use your book to teach in our church? One out of five love languages. Welcome to Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman, author of the New York Times bestseller, "The 5 Love Languages" .
Today your questions for this trusted counselor and author as we present our February edition of Dear Gary. And remember, you can get in on the conversation by calling our listener line, leave a brief question for Gary, and you might hear an answer on a future broadcast. Just call 1-866-424-GARY and let us know what's on your mind. 1-866-424-64-4. Mm-hmm.
We always have a featured resource that we think might help you in your relationships and this month it's a really timely one judging from many of our calls. It's "The 5 Love Languages" Workbook bundle which includes the latest edition of "The 5 Love Languages" plus "The 5 Love Languages" Workbook. Gary, tell me more about the workbook. Is this for individuals? Is it for couples, for groups?
Yeah. It's for all of those. The workbook parallels with the book itself, "The 5 Love Languages" .
So the ideal is if a couple is using it, they would read the chapter in the book and then they turn to the workbook, which helps them apply the chapter that they just read. And so, if it's a couple, they would each have a workbook and they would each be writing in their workbook and then sharing these things with each other after they've done that. But it can be used just one individual, but it can also be used with a small group that they're all going through this throughout the week and then they get together at the end of the week and discuss the chapters that they've read on that particular week and the workbook comments they've made.
So, I think it's going to really help make the book applicable to each individual, each person.
So, I think it's going to be good. I'm very encouraged with the workbook. Especially when couples get together and do this or groups get together, there are things that one person will pick up that that you would never have picked up, you know, in reading the same material.
So it can be this richer conversation, I think. Yeah, absolutely. And that's what small groups are all about. You know, it's sharing ideas that come to us when we worked through the material and how it applied to us. And so, you know, you get ideas from other people that may well help you.
So, that love language book and workbook bundle is available. We have information at the website, buildingrelationships.us. Again, go to buildingrelationships.us.
Now let's go to your questions. Andrea just gave the number to ask a question and we would love to hear your voice, 866-424-Gary. But we have also had a number of written questions that have come in over the last few weeks, and I want to start with one of those. The very first one is simple, it's to the point. What does doctor Chapman think about including children in date nights.
Gary?
Well, you know, I think a date night for a couple typically involves just the two of them.
Now there might be an exception to that. You can certainly, you know, take a child with you now and then if there's nowhere for them to be and take care of. But I think typically a date night is for a husband and wife or a seriously dating couple of course who wouldn't have children necessarily. But it's the time for them to talk to each other in a very open and honest way. You know what surprises me, and I think it's kind of tragic, is there are some couples, it's just the two of them going out to eat, for example.
But they're not talking much about their relationship.
Sometimes they even got their phone out answering text messages. To me, that's not a very healthy date night.
So those would be my thoughts. Yeah, if you can't find a sitter or figure out a way, you know, to have somebody care for the children, that's all part of the planning and the advance duty that you have of one person, the husband or the wife, making sure this is going to happen. If that's a priority, then if the sitter cancels, then you can cancel the date night and do it another night, right? Yeah, yeah, that's true. Or it won't hurt once in a while to take a child.
Or if you have three or four children, it's going to be a family event, not a date night. Exactly. All right, so that's our first question. Here's another written question, a specific one about love language dialects that may be covered in the new book that you wrote with the parrots, Gary, the love language that matters most. The question is this.
How should neurodivergent people overcome dialect issues? Meaning getting them to ask about self and others? For example, someone with autism not understanding social cues and saying the wrong thing at the wrong time.
Well, you know, Chris, this obviously this is a complicated area. And I think Those who have children who fall into those categories obviously have had some experience already working with these children. And I think they have to learn that Every child is unique, and when they have problems like this, we have to treat them as a human being for whom God loved, and they love, obviously. But we have to recognize that they cannot always do everything that another child can do in conversations and responding and that sort of thing.
So there's no one answer to that. You know, each child is different, and we have to try one thing and try another thing, and eventually we say, oh, this works for the child. And so because each child is different and whatever the problem, it will be somewhat different with each child.
So those are my thoughts. And I haven't, you know, experienced that in my own family, so I have not had personal experience with that. But I do think that we have to recognize the individuality of the child. Yeah. But this is not just with children.
It's with adults as well. There are many adults who have some of those kinds of, I can't pick up the social cues as well as others. And so part of that, I think part of the answer is To clue in those around the person, not to protect the person who can't do the social cues, but to let them understand, you know, when dad does this or when mom does this, it's not because she or he doesn't like you or understand you. It's that there's part of him that can't respond the way that you and I easily respond.
So that understanding within the family system or friend system too, work system, can help, don't you think? Yeah, absolutely. And if it's in the friend situation or the work situation, most people will understand if they know what the problem is and they will adapt to that as best they can.
So, yeah, it's important, I think, to let everybody know who's relating to that person that they're not able to do certain things that another person can do. My husband and I have different love languages. How many times have you heard that? I am words of affirmation and quality time, and he is very acts of service oriented. He just gives one.
If I ask for more quality time, he gets offended or distant. How do I navigate this?
Well, many times if he's offended when you're asking for quality time, he has in his mind Look, honey, I'm doing all this stuff for you. I mean, don't you know that I love you? Why do I have to sit down here and talk about things? Again, it's a personality matter sometimes, you know, that some people are not talkers. I talk about dead seas, you know, who can receive all kinds of thoughts and feelings, but they have no compulsion to talk.
And so some of these languages can be difficult. If a person has never, in growing up, had genuine conversations with people and just kind of live life on the surface, it's hard. It's hard for them. And I think, first of all, it's understanding that, and it's not because they are just trying to be difficult. And so give them a little grace, I would say, first of all.
But then also, sometimes it's how we ask. You know, if we say, you know, we haven't talked in a week, we need to sit down and talk. That comes across to them as criticism.
So maybe you don't make it officially, we need to sit down and have a conversation. Just take an opportunity when you happen to be in the same room. to start a conversation with them. And when they have some shorter conversations, just, you know, in the natural flow of things, you will feel good about it and they will not feel reactive to what you're saying.
So those would be the thoughts that come to my mind. And if this is how the love languages work, if the person that you're talking to, you're asking, requesting, their love language is physical touch, for example, just your tone of voice and you may be lightly touching their arm as you say, you know, I'd like to have a conversation with you about that kind of thing, that will speak volumes to that other person, right? Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. or just on the flow of life to say, you know, honey, da, da, da, da, da, da, da.
Would this be a good time to talk about that or not? Yeah, you're giving them an option because they may say, No, no, honey, I've got something else I've got to be doing here now.
So, okay, okay, we can talk about it later. But at least you planted the seed that there's something you'd like to talk about. Andrea and I often say, keep your question as brief as possible when we give the phone number. And this next caller not only keeps it brief, he keeps it simple. Here we go.
Here's Gary. And what are "The 5 Love Languages" . All right.
Well, I'm glad the caller called. It is a simple question.
So here are "The 5 Love Languages" . Number one is words of affirmation, such as, you look nice in that outfit. I really appreciate what you did. Just affirming the person verbally. A second is acts of service, doing something for that person.
washing dishes, vacuuming floors, mowing the grass, anything that you know they would appreciate. For these people, actions speak louder than words because actions, service is their love language. And then the third is gifts. It's universal to give gifts as an expression of love. And the gifts don't have to be expensive.
They just need to be thoughtful. And we've always said, you know, it's really the thought behind the gift, the person's thinking to themselves, oh, they went to some trouble to get this for me.
So gifts. And then quality time. giving the person your undivided attention. Not watching television together. No, someone else has your attention.
TV's off, computer's down. We're not answering our phone. We're just going to sit down here and talk. Or you don't always have to be talking. Quality time can be doing something with them that they would like for you to do.
Maybe planting a garden, a little flower garden in the front yard. The two of you are doing it together, but they have and the project has your full attention. And then number five is physical touch. Affirming physical touches. In a marriage, it could be holding hands or kissing or embracing or the sexual part of marriage, but just affirming ways to communicate to them with physical touch that I love you.
And the basic idea is out of the five, we each have what I call a primary love language. And chances are if you're married, you will have a different primary language, which means you have to learn to speak the love language of the other person if you want them to feel loved. And the key is You don't use the love languages to manipulate the other person to show you love that you want. That's what this love language that matters most is about. It's the love language of the person that you love that you want to express that so that you can say and they will hear it deeply: I love you.
Right. Right. And the reason we wrote that new book, which is the follow-up book to "The 5 Love Languages" of the original book, is to address those issues. The title is, as you said, The love language that matters most. And people look at it and say, okay, which one?
Which one is it? We make it very clear in the first paragraph. The love language that matters most is. the love language of the other person, because that's what it's all about. Love is unconditionally reaching out to others as God unconditionally reaches out in love to us.
I love it that you call with that question, that basic question. What are "The 5 Love Languages" ? Because we've been doing this program for some 19 years now, Gary, and that book has been out since the early 90s. I think it was 1993 that it came out, right? Yeah, I think 92, I think.
92, okay.
So it's been out for a long time. And we can just, you know, and you hear it in so uh society and in films and TV commercials, heard it on the Super Bowl love language, you know. And we can just go by and forget, oh, there are some people who haven't heard what they are.
So there they are. Those are "The 5 Love Languages" .
Now, our next question is a little difficult one. My husband has been caught in emotional infidelity.
So let me stop right there. Define that for me, Gary, as you understand it. What is emotional infidelity? Typically it refers to a person who is married. but they have a close relationship with someone else of the opposite sex.
and they have emotional feelings for them. They are attracted to them physically, they're attracted to them, their personality, they have feelings for them. It's kind of the early stages of what we typically call falling in love. And so they're not physically involved at this point, but they are deeply emotionally involved.
Okay, so the question continues. I read words that he gave this other woman that he's never said to me. he has been physically distant with me for years, And now at this age, and after years of his porn addiction, Our sex life has been destroyed. He has repented and wants my forgiveness, but but having him say, I look nice after this other person heard, you give me butterflies because of your beauty, breaks me. I'm trying so hard to forget and move past this.
but I'm not doing so well. What would you advise?
Well, you know, Chris, I think anyone who has had a relationship that has anything similar to that can identify with this person. It's very, very sad. Because, you know, in a marriage, we want to be physically close to each other, we want to be sexually involved with each other, and we want to communicate our love to each other. And obviously, of course, porn never, ever helps a marriage. It's always detrimental to marriage.
It's an unreal world. It says that alone is enough to make a wife just want to weep and just be deeply, deeply hurt. But then to hear him say, and I don't know how she heard this, but to hear him say things like he said to this other lady. which shows his definite attraction to her. And then to his wife, he just gives, you know, kind of run-of-the-mill words of affirmation.
So I'm identifying with her and I have empathy for her. And there's no easy answer to that, but I do think you have to discuss it. And that is, you know, just say, honey, if something were really bothering me, would this be a good time to talk about it? And if he agrees, then you just say... You know, I heard what you said.
If you know her name, call her name, you know. And I just want you to know I was deeply hurt by that. Because it communicated to me that you have an emotional attraction to her. and you're communicating it to her. And I'm just presenting it to you.
Maybe you can explain it to me, what's going on.
So you're doing it in a kind way, in a loving way. but you are confronting him with what you're feeling. If he says he doesn't have time right now to talk, you say, okay, we can do it later. But You want to press the issue because Just knowing that and carrying the burden in your heart of that, but not discussing it with him, is never going to bring resolution. When she says, I'm trying so hard to forget.
and move past this, It sounds like it's all on her shoulders, and I wonder if there is in any way if she's you know wanted to talk about this. And he has said, Hey, I said I was sorry. Why can't you let go of it? You know, stop that. I'm not doing that anymore, whatever it is.
And he pushes back. How does she. How does she deal with that?
Well, I think if sh if she's already discussed it with him and that is his attitude, you know, he's kind of putting her down because she needs to be, quote, letting it go. I think she needs to sit down with a counselor or a pastor or someone. She needs someone that she can share her hurt with. And if he's not willing to listen to her and kind of puts her down when she wants to bring up the topic, she needs to have somebody else, a third party who can hear where she is and what she's feeling and kind of walk with her through that. Because if it's only a one-time thing and he's not continuing to be around that person or spend time with the other person, then yes, there's a place to let it go.
But if he's still seeing the person, I mean, you can't let it go if something like that is still going on.
So that's where a counselor could help find out what the details are, you know, in helping her then learn how to process it. That was my other question. How much would counseling help her or help them together? And it sounds like it could be a real help. Yeah, if if both of them would go, it would be a real help.
But even just her going by herself, I think, would help her process her emotions. And the one more thing about that, the pornography addiction, and it doesn't say that that has ended. It says after years of his porn addiction. I don't know if he's gotten help with that to overcome that or not. But if that's ongoing, that's the same kind of hurt that's continuing.
And you can't really forget it or move past it. It's ongoing, right? Absolutely. Absolutely. And that's where there's a place for her to say.
Honey. If we don't go for counseling. I loved you too much to do nothing and let you continue this lifestyle. Because it's not good for you, it's not good for me, it's certainly not pleasing to God. And so I want to go for counseling with you, but if you don't, I'm going to go myself.
And I've got to decide what I'm going to do. But I can't just sit here and let you continue in that lifestyle.
So there's a place for tough love. And if a husband is not willing to get help and break that bondage, because it is bondage, it's an addiction, you know, then she doesn't have to continue, you know, in that situation. Is there a book you would suggest that you've written that could help uh this couple? Uh yes, it's called One More Try, What to Do When Your Marriage Is Falling Apart. And you can find that at the website buildingrelationships.us.
One more try. Look for that right there at the website. Buildingrelationships.us. You can also call with a question for Dr. Chapman: 866-424-GARY is our number.
Here is a caller who actually posed this question to the president of Moody Bible Institute, Dr. Mark Job. He has a program called Bold Steps. And I want to hear your take on the struggle of this mom. The Bible says I'll do so.
So you reap.
Okay.
So I was using real mum. And I brought up my son alone. I brought 'em up so that Yeah. Today he's forty. And he turned out to be a very successful Biomedical engineer, he's doing very well.
And he was a very loving son. till the age of thirty one when he'll get married. And then After he lost Marriage, Everything changed. And ah, today we don't have a relationship? At all?
There's a lot of size. Lot of discord.
So How does the sewing and reading principle applied. I saw it with a lot of love and sacrifice. But I'm missing a lot of disharmony. Can you please explain that? Thank you.
Bye-bye.
Well, I'm very empathetic with this caller. Because when you invest a lot of time and energy in a child, as she has, And then there comes something that happens that causes him to walk away, as it were, and not have a relationship with you. I would begin by saying this. Remember God's first two children, Adam and Eve, whom God loved greatly. walked away from God.
And they broke God's law. When we invest love in our children, it doesn't mean that they cannot make poor decisions. Because we have freedom. God has given all of us freedom. freedom to follow his plans.
His commandments, our freedom to disobey God and to live our own lives. And we have to give our adult children the same freedom that God gives His children.
Now it's very tragic when a child, an adult child, chooses not to have a relationship with his mother. And you said this happened after he got married. Which maybe there's some dynamics there in terms of his wife, and I don't know all the dynamics. A counselor who would have to hear the whole situation would have to deal with that. But you can't make your child come home and have a relationship with you.
You remember the prodigal son who took his inheritance and wasted it in riotous living? The father did not go after him and try to bring him back. He waited until God got that son in the hog pen and just in a desperate situation. Then the son decided. I need to go home and apologize to my father and just ask if he can give me a job on the farm.
So I don't think we necessarily have to go out and try to make them have a relationship with us. That typically doesn't work. But we can pray. As I'm sure the prodigal son's father prayed, that God will work in their lives and bring them to the place. where they will choose to come back and have a relationship with us.
So those are my thoughts. I'm empathetic with the situation. It's a very, very hard and very, very painful situation. But we can't control our adult children. We have to give them freedom.
to choose and when they ch make poor choices, yes, we suffer greatly. Uh Yeah. This is the Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman podcast. He's the New York Times best-selling author of "The 5 Love Languages" .
If you enjoy our program, visit our website for more ways to strengthen your relationships. Go to buildingrelationships.us. Our featured resource today is "The 5 Love Languages" Workbook Bundle. Find out more at buildingrelationships.us or go to fivelovelanguages.com. Gary, just before the break, we took the call from the mom who was asking about, you know, I poured into my son and now he's kind of rejected me and we don't have a relationship.
And I thought what I sowed, I would reap. And so I looked it up here, and that is the passage in Galatians chapter 6, where Paul is writing. And there's a lot in this passage, but I want to read that little section there. At least this is where I see, I think that she's coming from. Paul writes, Don't be deceived, God is not mocked.
For whatever a man sows, he will also reap. Because the one who sows to his flesh will reap corruption from the flesh, but the one who sows to the Spirit will reap eternal life from the Spirit.
So, in her interpretation, it's like, I do this, then I'm supposed to get this, and this didn't happen over here. What's wrong? The next verse, Galatians 6:9, says, So we must not get tired of doing good, for we will reap at the proper time. if we don't give up. Therefore, as we have opportunity, we must work for the good of all, especially for those who belong to the household of faith.
So my interpretation of that is this, it's almost like a proverb that's there. To show us, you know, do good to everybody, do the right thing, and then you have to wait, you have to be patient because, in her situation, the story's not over yet. You know, she is in this situation where she sowed for a long time, she hasn't received back what she thought she was going to, and maybe she never will. But she has to be patient with the crop, with the seeds that she planted. What do you think about that?
Yeah, I think that's true, Chris. And the ultimate satisfaction or joy or payment, as it were, for doing what is right Is our relationship with God and spending eternity with Him. But we can't interpret that to mean that if I do number one, two, three, four with my children, then they will turn out right. Because there is that issue of human freedom that is there. And God doesn't make people do right.
even even if we have loved them and been loving parents to them, he doesn't make our children do right.
So I think that has to be taken into account also when you read that passage. All right, here's another written question. Building Relationships has been a great resource for learning about Christian authors, influencers, and the publication of new books. I have been introduced to several new authors and have been challenged in my faith walk from books that you recommend, Gary. I do not think that you have addressed this question or a similar question in the seven years that I've listened to you.
How do you recommend breaking up with a boyfriend or girlfriend, respectively? and doing it kindly. keeping in mind that however a break up occurs it will cause pain for one, if not both, involved. Does an individual's love language play a role in how the breakup should occur? Do you have recommendations for what to say if the person is male or female?
For instance, if a woman is breaking up with a man, do you recommend saying different things than if a man is breaking up with a woman? What is the best way to do a breakup in person, phone call, email, text? or snail mail letter. Lot of nuances to that question, and I can't wait to hear what you say.
Well, I don't think I've ever heard that question before. I have experienced a breakup. A girl who broke up with me when I went off to college. And six weeks after I went to college, I got this letter from her and said, Chicago is too far away from North Carolina for us to continue our relationship, so I think we need to go our separate ways. And that was very hard for me because I had those love feelings for her, and yet she was taking the initiative to break up with me.
I had to take the pain to God and ask to say to him, Lord, you know what I feel here. You've got to help me work through this, the pain I'm feeling, because as this writer says, there's pain no matter what the situation is. I think the love language, the way you say it, may be tempered by your love language and their personality. You want to do it as kindly as you can, but if you have come to the place where you feel like God no longer wants you to be in this relationship as a dating relationship, that it's not going to lead to marriage, and it's time for each of you to go your separate ways. Uh I think you say it as kindly as you can.
And you affirm them for all the positive things, especially if they are words of affirmation as their language, but even if it's not, affirm them for the positive things you've seen in them. and that you appreciate about them, and you want them to know that you believe God has someone for them down the line, but you don't believe you're the person to marry them. And so you're choosing to break up the relationship.
So I think it, if at all possible, it should be done in person. Rather than a letter or online or that way. Better to do it in person. Have you been there, Chris? I have been there.
I have been there. And I won't go into detail, but this, it was a, you know, in person. It was an in-person thing. And that, I don't think at the time, I don't think it really helped very much to think this person, you know, cared enough to be in person to tell me this. But now that I look back at it, it's like, yeah, but that was a loving thing to do and a selfless thing.
for her to do, to actually have to see my face when she said, I just want to be friends, that kind of thing.
So yeah, from my perspective, I really like the face-to-face thing. Yeah, I just think it's always much better to do it that way. And I think this person has a good heart. And I don't know that being a male or female who's doing it, I don't think there's like you do one thing if you're apologizing to a girl or you do something different if you're breaking up with a guy. You know, we all have different personalities.
But I think if you try to be as kind as you can in the process and affirming some positive things about them that you do appreciate and that you believe That God will continue to guide their lives as He guides your life. There'll still be hurt on the person with whom you're breaking up, and also some pain on your part because you know that your decision is going to be painful to them. But, you know, pain is a part of life, and we have to recognize that.
Well, and look at what came out of that, you know, when you and Carolyn got together all these years later, and there have been a few years later, you know, from this situation, but you still remember that back there. You still remember the pain, but aren't you glad that, you know, that this person had the courage to say no to you?
so that you and Carolyn could be together all these years. Yeah, absolutely. You know, in fact, when I was going through the hurt, I was praying, first of all, that God would change her mind and show her that this is, we need to keep going here, girl. Yeah, I was asking God to change her mind. But I've looked back on that many times and thank God he didn't answer my prayer.
You know, because later I met Carolyn, and we've had all these years together.
So as a matter of fact, that girl was also a friend of Carolyn. That's right. Yeah. And uh later and later actually she was part of our wedding and so it was reconciled, you know, and I didn't have contact with her through the years, but, you know, Carolyn did. And uh so God will walk with you through the hard times.
You told that story in your memoir, didn't you? I did, yeah, I did. And the title of that is Life Lessons and Love Languages: What I Learned on My Unexpected Journey. And you can find that at buildingrelationships.us.
Okay, we have time for one more call before this, before we take a break.
Next up is a caller from the big island. And I think he is complimenting you, Gary, but at the same time, he has a concern. Here we go. Hi, Gary. This is Ben calling from Ina Lawa, Hawaii on the big island.
And I've got two things for you. First of all, Personal favor, please write a book on thank yous. Secondly, So many people have read "The 5 Love Languages" but haven't read about apologies. I would like for your chief marketing officer to do a better job of asking lovers of "The 5 Love Languages" to gift Your book on apologies to their ten closest friends, please. All right.
Well, I appreciate that advice, and I hope that the people at Moody Publishers will be listening. Yeah, I do agree that this book, the title is The Five Apology Languages, is so, so important for married couples because none of us are perfect. And we all will hurt each other from time to time, and that calls for an apology. But we have different ideas on what a sincere apology is. And I spell these out, these five different ways to apologize.
And you have to learn what does your spouse or the other person, what do they consider to be a sincere apology? If you just say, I'm sorry, They may well be thinking, you certainly are. You think you're apologizing. They think you're giving a character report.
So that book, I say there's two essentials to a long-term healthy marriage. One is meeting each other's emotional need for love. And that's where "The 5 Love Languages" is very, very helpful. And the other is dealing effectively with our failures. And that's where the five apology languages and forgiveness then comes into play.
And it's an essential because all of us from time to time fail. And when we do, we create an emotional barrier between the two of us. and it doesn't go away with the passing of time. it goes away when we apologize, you know, and then we forg the person forgives.
So I appreciate this call and the encouragement that perhaps we need to do a better job of getting the word out on this apology book.
Okay, Gary, there were three callers who were basically asking a variation of the same question, and I want you to hear all three, or a little of all three. Here we go. Hi, Gary. inquiring if We could connect with you or or church, uh not necessarily inviting you, but Just asking, are there any requirements from your end if we use your book to teach in our church? Just so in due respect with your amazing book.
Thank you so much. Bye-bye.
I would like to teach "The 5 Love Languages" to teenagers in a high school classroom setting. I'm a school counselor, love the topic, been into it for years, but I want to share that with these kids. But I can't find the proper materials to the love languages. Really, I would like to find a DVD series and use materials with them, and I just haven't found anything, so I need some help.
So hopefully somebody can get back to me and say, Jim, this is what you need, or we don't have anything.
So I just need to know. I really want to do this with a group of kids in a high school setting. And I just come strike it out.
So thank you. Bye-bye.
Over twenty years ago, before my wonderful husband. And I attended "The 5 Love Languages" near Independence, Ohio. Um now he went from my arms to God's arms. over twenty years ago, we went through the classes of "The 5 Love Languages" It really blessed us tremendously. And we were best friends, and still, there were things we needed to learn about each other.
Love each other. I keep referring people to the book. I'm trying to find a workbook, but they really need a class. Number one, is there any classes near Richmond Heights, Ohio? and or cannot be trained to teach the classes.
I would love to be trained to teach the classes. Is there a real need to have strong godly marriages in the community. And I can keep telling people about the book. But I think to be taught. in the five loved languages.
have been used of God to strengthen and save and build many relationships and strengthening Loving marriages. I've a nurse for over 45 years. I would love to. use parallel skills to be part of a healing process. and a maintenance process.
not just of the body, but of the soul and the spirit as well. God bless you, your families and loved ones. And may you always lead with joy. Peace and blessing. God bless you.
And godly favor.
Well, Chris, let me start with the last call. We are in the process of putting together a certification program for people who are interested in teaching "The 5 Love Languages" . It's a coaching program. And they'll be a certified coach, so they can work with couples individually or individuals, or they can teach it. And so that is not ready yet, but we're in the process.
And if you continue to look periodically at fivelovelanguages.com, whenever it's ready, you'll be able to find out about it. I do think that many people are teaching the Five Love Language book already, and that's fine. You don't have to be certified to teach the Five Love Language book. I think if you have read the book and now I think the workbook that we have that goes with it. If you put those two together, you can teach a class in a local church on "The 5 Love Languages" that will be very productive.
Those two books, the original book, "The 5 Love Languages" , and now the workbook that is available already. And then I think the new book that we released, The Love Language That Matters Most, would also be, if you're going to teach it, it'd be good to read that book as well, because that book deals with the dialects within each of the languages, as well as the personality of the person and how that interfaces.
So that's another huge element in the whole process. Then I go back up to the first question. I understood him to say if he could teach that in the church himself. And my answer is yes, you can teach "The 5 Love Languages" in the church.
Now, there is available online A presentation that I give of "The 5 Love Languages" . You can download it and show it and use it as a part of the thing. There's also online, I have my marriage conference that I do on Saturday, is available on DVD. And the whole learning package and all goes together. And I have another one.
It's on the fi the Five Love Language Family Conference, which deals with family issues, and that's also available. You can purchase that, and it's designed to be used in a local church by anyone who wants to lead that program. To the person who is in the public school, well, he didn't say public school, but in school with the teenagers and wanting to teach the book. There is a special edition of "The 5 Love Languages" for the teenager. It is called A Teen's Guide to "The 5 Love Languages" .
So it could be an easy tool for you to use in school. It just you have to purchase the book for each of the students and just work through it chapter by chapter and you could lead the discussion on it. It's a teen's guide to "The 5 Love Languages" . And there's also, you're probably aware of this, there's a five love languages for of teenagers that's for parents. or other adults who are working with teenagers.
And so if you haven't read that book and you want to teach, I would say read "The 5 Love Languages" of Teenagers as the teacher yourself, but then also get the copy of "The 5 Love Languages" for Teenagers and check it out, because I think it's a teaching tool that you could use that would be easy to use and very, very helpful. What does it do inside your heart, Gary? After 34 years or so of having released that book, that there's still all of this excitement about. It's like they don't want to just know what the love languages are. They want to help other people because it sounds like to me they have been helped.
What's that do in your heart? Yeah, well, it's very encouraging, Chris. Very encouraging. You know, there's no way that I can personally talk to everybody or have everybody at a conference that I lead. But this concept and then the book itself is sold by word of mouth.
You know, people have read it, it's helped them, and then they want their brother and his wife to read it, their grown sons and daughters to read it, and they give it away to people who are getting married. And there's all kind of ways you can help spread this message because it is helpful to any couple. And it's very, very encouraging to me just to see how God has used it and to see the number of people who are using it as a tool to help other people. One of the callers mentioned thank yous because that's a big thing for you to be able to be thankful to other people and then to have people call in here and say, Gary, thank you for doing this work that you've done all these years. You've sown into our life and there is good fruit that's being reaped because of that.
That's a good place to end the program, don't you think? Yeah, I would agree. You know, I pray every time I speak somewhere and every time I release a book, I pray, God, water the seeds. Water the seeds. You know.
Yeah, and he will, and he does. Yeah. Well, before we conclude, I want to give you that phone number. If something you've heard today causes you to say, I got to ask Dr. Chapman this question.
Here's the number, 1-866-424-GARY. 866-424-4279. You have a question, you want to make a comment about something you heard today. We'd love to hear your feedback. And don't forget to check out our featured resource, "The 5 Love Languages" Workbook Bundle.
Again, you'll find that and other resources we've mentioned here today at buildingrelationships.us. And next week... Lessons from the real-life struggles of a blended family. Hear Dina Thayer from Focus on the Family in one week. A big thank you to our production team, Steve Wick and Janice Backing.
Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman is a production of Moody Radio in Chicago in association with Moody Publishers, a ministry of Moody Bible Institute. Thanks for listening.
