The Parent’s Battle Plan | Laine Lawson Craft

Hope for parents of prodigals is straight ahead on Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman. You have to realize this is a spiritual battle and not only do we need to stand in the gap for our children and pray in a way we never have in the power of Jesus, but we also got to dig deep with God and partner with him so he can sustain us through it. Welcome to Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman, author of the New York Times bestseller, "The 5 Love Languages" .

Today, award-winning author and speaker Lane Lawson Kraft will present a battle plan for parents of prodigals. If you go to buildingrelationships.us, you'll see two resources from our guests that go together. One is Warfare Parenting, which is a daily battle plan to fight for your child. The other is The Parents Battle Plan, Warfare Strategies to Win Back Your Prodigal. You'll find those at buildingrelationships.us.

And Gary, I know this topic is on the minds of an awful lot of parents today. You are absolutely right, Chris. Over the last two or three years, I've had so many parents in my office, particularly struggling with this whole thing of prodigals, adult children who are making decisions that are breaking their hearts.

So I'm excited about our conversation today. I think it's going to help not only parents who have prodigals, but also parents. Parents, because all of us could use some help in parenting, whether it's with our younger children or our adult children.

Well, let me introduce our guest. Lane Lawson Craft is a best-selling author. She hosts the podcast Warfare Parenting. She and her husband, Steve, have been married almost 40 years. She's a mom, of course, and now a grandmother.

And our featured resources today, as I mentioned, Warfare Parenting and the Parents' Battle Plan. You can find out more at buildingrelationships.us.

Well Lane, welcome to Building Relationships. Oh, thank you so much. What an urgent message, isn't it, for our parents and grandparents? Yes. Absolutely.

I'm looking forward to our conversation.

So let's start with your story, you and your husband Steve, because in one of your books you write about the struggles you all had and you make the statement, the best money you ever spent was for counseling. This apparently was when you and Steve were having some real struggles in your own marriage. Talk about that. Absolutely. And I thank you for mentioning that because as we get further in this interview, you will see that this resurrected marriage, and that's what we call it, is the anchor that held us together when our three children were prodigals.

So, yes, we were entrepreneurs. We got out of college. We started our own businesses separately. Life started layering. I had two miscarriages, then three children in a row.

And about 17 years in the marriage, we were living on opposite ends of the house and we were really about to divorce. But I love to say we were too broke to divorce.

So that was the only thing that kept us together: we couldn't afford two separate households. What was very interesting. Was Steve was the exact age that when his parents divorced. When we were making this decision. And I came from a baby of five.

My parents were uneducated, but they loved us large and just a very great upbringing.

So we had two very unique environments of growing up and experiences.

So all I'm gonna get to is this: we were living religious. We were doing all the right things. We went to church. I taught Bible study. I sang on praise teams.

Steve and I were in the choir. But religion was failing us. Our marriage was dead. I used to say to my best friends, I love to hate this guy I'm married to. I mean, it was dark and it was desperate.

But what we did decide was. If this God that we've been serving In kind of a religious check-the-box way is real. Could we? Maybe believe we both were pretty successful, and I like to say we both were pretty good looking. We knew that if we did indeed divorce, that we wouldn't stay single.

And it dawned on us that maybe this God we. knew, we thought we knew, but wanted to really know better. Could he help us start again from scratch? And that was the title of the book: Start Again from Scratch.

So we grabbed each other's hands and fell to our knees and said, God. We've been in a 17-year-old bad dance. We've done things. Horribly to each other. There's resentment.

But, God, if you're for real, will you come down and touch us and help us? Find a way to love again, and y'all, I mean, it was unbelievable. We looked at each other immediately after that prayer, and tears were rolling down. And when I say we looked at each other, we looked at each other differently, instantly. We didn't have that, I love to hate you, and all that.

It was just an instant experience with God. God does miracles, right? Yes. Yes. Wow.

I hope the listeners today are hearing that, particularly those that are going through real struggles, because I have seen, you've seen through the years, not only your own experience and my experience with my wife, but also scores and scores of other couples who really were just feeling like it's never going to work. We're too different and we're just not getting along. But whenever we turn to God honestly, openly, and asking God to do work in our hearts, he wants to. He loves us. He ordained marriage.

He wants to save marriages.

So thanks for sharing uh your own struggles there. After that experience, we knew that we needed help to learn how to walk a different dance. And so we really truly believe in Christian counseling. And we also believe in going to the same counselor. I would go in on Mondays.

He would go in on Wednesdays. And then we would do it together on Fridays. And again, remember, we had no money.

So we went to a wonderful Christian place that based it on your income and worked with us until we did have the foundation and the counseling tools to make this marriage work in combination with partnering with God. Yeah. Yep. We always have a role to play in the issue. That's great.

And Christian counseling can obviously make a tremendous difference in that.

Now after this marriage turnaround, You raised your children in a Christian home with biblical values, but as a parent, Uh you discovered we can't control our adult children's choices. Uh talk about that.

Well, don't we love to believe we can, right? I mean, yes, so we got kind of caught up in that initially. But then we realized we had to separate ourselves from their behavior. That's when the big moment of aha came to us. That when we began to separate our children's choices and behaviors, we started realizing.

That there was a Spiritual element in this. It goes back to John 10:10, where it says, The enemy comes to seek, kill, and destroy. And we realize that. Our children were getting sucked up in this dark and evil, evil culture. And that was when we really realized it's beyond them just being rebellious.

Are battling some negative emotions.

So I think you said earlier that really all three of your children at one point were prodigals. Is that correct? That's correct. And they all did have very unique challenges. And if you don't mind, I'd love to share with you kind of in sequence how it happened.

My eldest child took the longest, and we'll end with him.

So my daughter, Kaylee, was my only girl, and she was born very early and had health challenges a lot of her life. But about age 17 or 18, she started feeling like a lot of young women, that she didn't fit in, that she wasn't as pretty as the others. And she was at a Bible study one night and they left and she was with a friend and she began to confess to this friend that she was hearing voices in her head that life would be better. Without her in it. And she was sobbing.

And this friend, praise the Lord, grabbed her hands and they began to pray. And Kaylee said that there was a warmth from her head to her toes. And she knew it was God because the tears dried up. And she began to feel such a release from these just. Terrible voices in her head, and that began her turnaround.

And now she helps so many others. You know, we've got suicide rates, and depression rates, and anxiety rates among our young children. And she's been able to really help those with that. And then there's Lawson, and Lawson is a wonderful, sweet man. And he went through a very dark time.

He kind of got into these kind of walkaroo concerts, these concerts that you take a lot of drugs and you literally are kind of like a zombie. He was into drugs and alcohol, and it was really a tough, rough time. What happened with him was a very unique battle. The enemy, we feel like. Did a full onsault for Lawson.

There was a 24-hour period that Lawson could have died. And when I mean that, I mean physically died. He fell downstairs, he aspirated, he a lot of things. He went to a neighbor's house and he hit Lawson in the face where he had a cut that required plastic surgery. What happened was very incredible.

Steve, my husband. Went down to check on him. I had an option for Steve to go check on him, and Steve stayed with him for a lot of this battle. And Lawson woke up, y'all. He was 24, 25 years old in his father's arms.

And he said, I am so sorry. I will never, ever have another day that I don't remember every second. And so that touch of God Saving him from that demonic attack, you know, changed him forever. And now he helps. Young men that battle a lot of these pressures.

And then Stephen is my wonderful eldest child. He saw something about age 12 at a neighbor's house. It was porn. And he believes, as he looks back, that that was the gate that the enemy used to. Really, the next 15 years was drugs, alcohol, womanizing.

And his story is most powerful to me because 15 years he made self-destructive choices. He lived in the pit and he was at a party, y'all, high on cocaine and was calling an Uber. And the Uber driver picked him up and it happened to be a pastor from another country trying to raise money for his church. And he said, I feel like I need to pray for you, Stephen. And Stephen said, Mom, I knew I was high, but when he started praying, the presence of God came in so heavy in this Uber car that it pressed me to the floorboard.

And I began to cry and begging to quit praying. And he said, I knew, mom, I knew it was the presence of God coming in to rescue me. And again, this was a touch of God. That no man can dispute. And that was the beginning of Stephen's journey of healing.

and getting well again. Lane, you shared with us the the three children and something of the nature of what they went through and how the satanic attacked upon their lives, trying to pull them into lifestyles that were obviously not Christian.

So As they went through all of this through these various years, Was there a point in your own life dealing with all this that you experienced deep pain or struggle or thoughts? What what what was going on in your heart and mind while while they were involved in this kind of lifestyle?

Well, I can tell you, my heart was broken a million times. You know, I would think. That they would make a change and they didn't. And I was very grateful. I'm so glad we started with the marriage resurrection because once you've tasted and seen that power in your life, you can believe it for others.

And so that was the anchor for Steve and I as we continue to watch our children. Under this influence of the dark world that our children with technology and phones and all the things that they are exposed to, we began to make a plan that we were gonna stand united. You know how kids love to say, mom says and dad says.

So, in the lowest point, when we were just going, are our kids ever gonna turn around? We realized that and we addressed it. And then we decided that, you know, it says in the scripture, a house divided will certainly fail. And that's when we really decided we were going to stand together and we were going to stand in the gap. And wait for God to make a turnaround for us.

Yeah. Now lots of times husbands and wives have different responses in how to how they should or ought to respond. Di did did you and your husband have some differences in that? Absolutely. And it doesn't take long if you're ever around Steve and I.

He's the logic, the reason, and I'm the energetic, you know, passionate outcry. I can remember specifically one night, both children got in a lot of trouble and I can remember we had at that time a three-story house, and I was crawling up and down the stairs, literally wailing. And Steve came up to me and he said, Is this a put-on? Are you? And I go, No, Steve, I want these kids to see.

What a mama's broken heart looks like. Yes, we reacted very differently, but effectively. You know, they knew that dad would always be the one that logically, scientifically tried to do it. And then they also knew that I was passionate about helping them get out of these pits. Yeah, yeah.

So in your book you talk about warfare strategy for parents. Explain what that means and how that worked out in your own situation.

Well, again, that was the big aha moment when we realized we were battling much more than a kid slamming the door or even a kid flipping another car under alcohol influence. We realized there was a dark army to seek, kill, and destroy these children. And we knew that Jesus had given us the victory, but we had to really armor up. We became warrior parents and we began to. Dig deeper and find ways in the spirit that we could.

Help our children. Find protection and provision until they turn their lives around. The whole thing of spiritual battle A lot of parents in today's culture Uh that's a strange thing for them. The spiritual dimension of this. They blame drugs, they blame a lot of other things in culture that led their children away.

As Christians, we know we are in a spiritual battle, right? Absolutely. And I think we got to the point that we had nothing to lose, right? I mean, once we realized that we're in a spiritual battle, then we kind of knew. Man, we're going full in.

We're going to plead the blood of Jesus over these kids. We're going to dig deeper in a personal way ourselves so that we can stand strong in the battle. It was powerful because we also. Realized our authority is this and our identity because again you know 15 years is a long time to watch a kid make choice after choice that was self-destructive or that was destroying his destiny. You have to realize this is a spiritual battle.

And not only do we need to stand in the gap. For our children and pray in a way we never have in the power of blood of Jesus. But we also got to dig deep with God and partner with Him so He can sustain us through it. Yeah. So what's the difference between warfare strategy and the traditional parenting models or methods that we're familiar with?

Well, I think that's what makes both of these books unique because I absolutely identify that we've got to do some things in the natural, right? I mean, we've got to emulate the behaviors that we want our children to do. I mean, we've got to live the life too. We also have got to have boundaries. You know, we can't just sit there and allow them to live in chaos and rebellion.

So I do believe with everything in me, this is, if y'all could see my hands, I've got one half of a circle in the physical and then the other half in the spiritual. But the spiritual will always, always override because it does take the power of God. It does take the power of God to bring prodigals back around. Only God can touch a heart and turn it around. And so that is the difference.

We've got to rely on the spiritual element much more and be aware of the spiritual element. than anything else. And allowing God, as you said, to build into us the kind of character and lifestyle that We would like to see in our children. You know, one of the questions I asked myself along the way when we were raising our two children. About different issues, I ask myself, What if my children turn out to be like me?

What if they drive a car the way I drive a car? What if they treat their spouse the way I treat mine? What if they and right on down the line and I made some really significant changes through the years by simply asking that question. because, you know, we we are called upon to model what we say we believe, you know, the lifestyle we believe God wants us to have.

So I think that whole thing of you use the word emulate for them what we would like to see happening in their lives, I used to have a sign on my refrigerator that said, You can do what you see me do, and you can say. What you see me and hear me say, and boy, was that a litmus test for me as a mama. Yeah. Yep, yep, absolutely.

So I think I like the emphasis you make. You know, yes, God wants to help us, God can do things we can't do. But God also expects to work thin us and through us as parents.

So there are young prodigals, there are adult prodigals. Is there a common theme to those journeys? I think the common theme would be the culture. the media, the influences. Like we've never seen before.

I say all the time: we're a click away. Our children, whether they're 15 or 50, are a click away from making that self-destructive choice or that. You know, addiction reigniting that, or looking at things we shouldn't, or receiving things.

So, I would say the common theme to both is just the opportunity. Absolute ease to get into evil without any effort. Yeah. I think all parents would agree with what you just said. It's a totally different world from a past generation, you know, than in raising children.

So talk to the listener who has a young prodigal. They're still living in the home. They're still young. They're not out of high school yet. What's the first step that they might take in a process of being taking a warfare strategy?

Yes, and again, I think the first thing is just to recognize that you indeed are in a spiritual battle and spiritual warfare of your child. Secondly, I would ask a parent. Are you praying for your child? Because if you're not praying for your child, then who is?

So I really not say that out of condemnation. I say that out of conviction. And then, of course, you know, I believe with everything in me when I started integrating the power of the blood of Christ in my prayers, that it just took it to a new level. And another thing I would say with a young prodigal, where I think I failed the most was Stephen, my eldest, was the first real prodigal. And I think as a Christian mom, I thought I was protecting him from the world by not really talking about all of the things they could get into.

So if you haven't started those conversations, it's never too late. You know, you can sit down with your 12, 14, 15 year old and say, listen, I don't think we've ever talked about, man, the pressures you're under. and just start a conversation. You will immediately see a shift in that protocol because they will see that you really do get. where they are.

Yeah, I think conversation is something that sometimes parents Don't know how to initiate or Struggle with how to bring up the topic or where to bring up the topic and not waiting until the child is displaying the wrong behavior.

Well, I remember when my son was a teenager, a young teenager, I went down once a month on Saturday night to the juvenile detention center and played ping-pong with a young man in there and then had conversations with him. I started taking him with me. He wasn't drinking or anything. I just took him with me. And on the way home, after we'd say, you know, Derek, think about it.

That kid's your age. And under alcohol, he did something that was wrong. It's got him in this situation. You know, just planting seeds like that, different conversations. And I think sometimes it takes a book or some ideas for parents to realize or to instigate a meaningful conversation with their children.

And listening to the children is a part of talking, right? I mean, it's a part of a conversation. It's not just you talking to them. It's letting them ask you questions. Yes, that is so powerful and true.

Uh This is the Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman podcast. He's the author of the New York Times bestseller, "The 5 Love Languages" . You can take an easy assessment of your love language and see our featured resources today at fivelovelanguages.com. Lane Lawson Craft has written Warfare Parenting, a daily battle plan to fight for your child and the parents' battle plan, warfare strategies to win back your prodigal.

Just go to fivelovelanguages.com. Lane, just before the break, you were talking about having a conversation. I think there's a lot of Christian parents listening who are afraid to have the conversation because they want to know what's going on in their son or daughter's life, and yet at the same time, they don't want to know. They want to believe that everything is okay. They want to believe, you know, God's in control here.

He's going to have, you know, his way in the child's life. And so it's hard. It's difficult when you hear some of the things, the stresses that they're under and the things that they're exposed to. It's really difficult to hear that. Talk to that parent who feels that way.

Yes, I call that digging our heads in the sand. I absolutely challenge parents today. Two. Be courageous, and it is hard. I'll never forget having to talk the words that I never dreamed I'd have to say about pictures coming into their phone or them sending out pictures.

These are hard and tough conversations, but again, Our culture, our media, our entertainment, everything else is impacting and influencing their choices.

So, we, as parents, if we don't stand in there and open these hard conversations, then we're not equipping them. for how to deal with it. Sadly, you have to start so much younger with these conversations. I think the average age for a child to see porn is now six or seven years old.

So we have got to start talking to our children as Christian parents because we are stewarding. God's child, and we have got to equip them for the battle themselves.

So, if we don't address it, if we don't take that courage and sit down with them and start hearing the things that maybe you don't want to hear, but guiding them back-that's the key. We want to be the ones that guide them back with the right knowledge, you know, with the right conversations. Yeah. My strong conviction is if parents do not open conversations with their children about these issues early on, They're not going to come to you and bring up the topic because, in their minds, well, I don't know, they're wrestling with the whole thing themselves, but they're not going to initiate the conversation. But if you bring it up, then they will realize, oh, it's okay to talk about this.

And so they will come to you when they're struggling two weeks or two months or two years down the road.

So yes, conversations are so important.

Now you emphasize the importance of prayer and spiritual armor during the fight for your child.

So how does your warfare parenting movement, as it were, contribute to the larger spiritual awakening in families?

Well, I think we've all seen that the family is under attack. We've got High divorce rates. I think the latest Barna research showed that Christian marriages. Don't survive any more than a non-Christian marriage. Then we also have, I believe, a statistic that's unbelievable, but I think it's close to 40% of children being born today or being born without a mom and dad.

And most of these don't even get married.

So the enemy is already trying to destroy. God's design for family, and his second onsault attack are these children. And what I also want to share today is. These assaults, I believe, are destiny changers. Meaning, you know, it says that God has a plan, a wonderful plan for all of us.

And Jesus said He died to give us an abundant life.

Well, I believe, with everything in me, the enemy is out to get these kids early, get them into depression where maybe they make you know wrong choices, maybe get them addicted to something that you know spirals them down. I believe with everything in me that parents today, we must. Get our spiritual armor together, and we must learn to partner with God first. Reflect back on What would it look like? In a Christian home.

when the parents are taking the spiritual part of life seriously. In terms of daily routines in the home, what does it look like to be bringing the spiritual part into the daily life of our children when they're younger? Yes, I think if I had to do it all over again, I would have probably started reading the word of God that I have now in my later years learned to love each word. I would have started letting them learn to love the word. That we remove this religious part of it that you have to do and you have to read.

It really should become a lifestyle. If you're a parent today and you've got children, I would think that the most important thing is that they see you reading maybe your little devotion every morning with your coffee. Maybe they see you take food to someone that's sick. Start these small deposits in your own lifestyle so that your children start to recognize what kindness is. you know what empathy is.

all of those things. continue to build. Again, I really believe that Learning that the word of God is like an instruction book. It's not rules for you to follow and maybe fall short of. It's an instruction book that God loved you so much, He said, This is the way to live so that you can live in the best purposes that I have for you.

Yeah. What what is the role of the church? in partnering with parents in the raising of children.

Well, it's significant. and I believe that we are missing the mark. I don't see enough. Family ministries going, you know, 2020 really changed the dynamics of everything. We're all having to use new models.

I believe. That the church must step up. We must help these single mothers with these kids. We must empower and equip parents on ways to tackle. what our kids are hearing and seeing and being exposed to.

I think the church plays a vital part, and my hope and dream is that one day. Every church in America will have a warfare parenting small group. Use these books as curriculums to bring parents that love the Lord, but their kids are in a battle, and they can come in and pray together and build a community of faith and learn different ways to tackle these things that they are challenged with today. Yeah, I think of course Churches are different, individual churches are different, but the churches that have programs geared to children of all ages, where the church is complementing what they're getting in the home, to me is a powerful ministry of the church. If we have folks who are in churches where you don't have a children's ministry, you don't have a youth ministry, can I challenge you to do what you can to stimulate that and get that started in your church?

Because the parents are the key influencers, but those kind of programs in the churches can also have a tremendous positive impact on our children. Yes, they can. And, you know, I think probably the greatest challenge on a personal level when I had these prodigals was I felt so isolated. At the time, I published a national magazine in every bookstore in America and Canada with. Covers like Dolly Parton and many times, and the Duck Dynasty women, women of significance in our culture, but had faith as a root.

That is so important to create a place where a Christian parent doesn't feel like they're walking this journey alone. Yeah. Well, let's say that a parent has a prodigal child and they are involved in any number of things that are non-biblical. How can the parent of that adult, I'm thinking of adult children now, how can that parent stay connected with them without condoning their sinful behavior?

Well, I say that's probably one of the toughest parts, really, because it is an adult child, and we say to ourselves, they should know better, right?

So we sometimes, in human nature, just want to, like I said, cut them off until they turn around. But what I have found is that unconditional love. Is really the healing bomb for many families. And what I mean by that: yes, you don't have to love their choices or their lifestyles, but I do think. Reaching out to Yeah.

Out of like From my perspective, my heart, the mother's heart, you know, reach out to them, maybe by a letter. And just say, I don't know if I ever really told you about how wonderful it was the day we brought you home. Make good deposits, showing them the love that you truly have for them. And again, I love to tell parents the words, I'm sorry. Can change everything.

You know, I'm sorry that we're here. You're not saying you're sorry for maybe how you had to put boundaries up. You're saying, I'm sorry that we've ended up here. Can we try to meet for coffee? Can we discuss?

How wonderful all of those past times were, and find a way to start over. What is the role of boundaries? And what and can you give us some examples of the kind of boundaries that we might establish for their benefit and our benefit? Yes, I think it was probably the toughest thing for me because it took me many years to realize that. I was playing a part of their wrong choices, meaning I was continuing to give them, you know, a weekly allowance.

I was replacing the car that they flipped. I had to realize. Do I want to be a part of their self-destructive, or do I want to make it consequential? None of us make changes. until we feel a little pain.

And so tough love. Yes, I had to show tough love. I had to cut them off financially. I had to alienate myself at some points just to show them that I could not accept the choices they were making. I'm not going to be man-by-pamby about it.

It's one of the hardest things as a parent to do. But again, I'd like to say, I don't want you to have regrets. I think if I had not done the tough love and continued to supply the necessities to make these choices in their lives that were not the best for them, then I would have had a lot of regrets. The whole thing of consequences for wrong behavior, even when God forgives us, we still suffer the consequences of what we did if it was wrong. I think a lot of times in Christ uh Christians have the idea that You know, God forgives and everything is perfect.

But that's not true. You mentioned, for example, wrecking a car under the influence of alcohol. God can forgive us for what we did wrong, but the car is still wrecked, you know. And so how do we do what God does, follow His example, and let our children suffer the consequences of their behavior? Did any particular illustration come to your mind of that with one of your children, of letting them suffer the consequences of their behavior?

Yes. And again, it's painful, right? But it is one of the best ways for them to I'd like to say stew in it a minute. You know, just sit there and realize not only How they've hurt themselves, but the people that love them.

So, yes, it's it's tough. What was one of the first signs that you saw in one of your prodigals making a turn away from a destructive lifestyle? I think I would like to use Stephen because It was such a long journey. And when he was touched by God that night in the Uber. He Realized the power of God.

God became very personal to him. It wasn't just this thing he read in the Bible or went to church. And you know, worshiped it, it became a very personal relationship with him, and I started seeing small steps of just. Repentance. Um I can't tell you how many times he said, you know, in the beginning, Mom, I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry, all the pain I've caused you and daddy. And truly staying in that journey. You know, we'd heard some of that in the past, but this time, He really marked it and it was significant. Earlier when you're talking about prayer, you talked about the whole the power of claiming victory or declaring victory, even in the midst of spiritual struggles that are still going on. Talk a bit about that.

Well, it's one of my favorite things to talk about, really. And I call it the mean time because I call the mean time, it's when we offer a prayer to God. Turn this kid around, God. Please touch him. And then the waiting.

And I talk about how it can get so mean in the meantime. You start getting disappointed. You get discouraged. Again, those feelings of guilt or shame or isolation start coming into you. And so.

What I say is, we've got to stand in the Word of God and declare it for ourselves and for our family and for our children. And then I began to find promises from the Lord and just speak them over our family and our children. all of these things See, they edify and encourage us as parents. But it overflows to the children until they turn around. I just love the fact that.

When we dig deep in the trenches with God and partner with Him and realize it's His battle. But we're going to partner and do everything in the physical and in the supernatural spiritual realm. Then God comes in. And we just, in the meantime, wait for the, expectantly for him to move on our behalf and for our children. Yeah.

Let's talk a bit about A prodigal who in the midst of their lifestyle actually dies. It could be in an accident, uh, you know, or or just physical things responding to drugs and alcohol or whatever. And that parent, uh, feels guilty Where do they go from there? I'm so glad you asked this today because I didn't want to come across as Pollyanna. I don't believe you do this and that and you get an outcome.

We certainly see we've got fentany poisonings. Again, we've got suicide rates that are off the charts. I have a chapter in the Parents' Battle Plan. It's when the worst happens. And my heart breaks for any parent that has outlived their child.

That's not the way God designed it. I wanted to Let them know. I understand that it happens, right? And I say to parents: we pray for miracles for our prodigals or for our children that are struggling. But You didn't get the miracle you asked God for, but you are living a miracle.

And what I mean by that is you're able to get up in the morning and get through the day. And that's because of God's loving strength in your life. And The only hope that we all have is the promise from God in Revelation 21:4. And it says, you know, there will be no more sorrow, no more pain when we get to heaven. And so we have to stand on that promise of reuniting with that child one day in heaven.

That's the miracle that they get. You know, I sometimes say to parents who sit in my office and say, What did we do wrong? Then our child turned out this way. And I say to them, Well Ask God. I mean, if you did wrong, God will show you where you did wrong, and you can confess that to God, and God will forgive you.

But then, let me remind you, God's first two children went wrong. Adam and Eve. They had a perfect father. And yet they made poor decisions.

So don't take the full responsibility of your adults' children's wrong decisions on yourself. Don't take the blame for something your adult child is doing. God gives all of us freedom. to follow him or not to follow him. And we have to give our adult children that same kind of freedom.

They have to make decisions to follow God or not to follow God.

So uh it it is it's it's very painful to see parents go through this, and particularly if a child dies in the midst of, you know, being a prodigal.

So, when a prodigal does return, however, which is what we pray for and what we hope for. What are some of the steps toward forgiveness and healing? uh in the in the process of restoring a relationship.

Well, it's not easy. And it's not simple. Remember, now Stephen was 15 years into just making poor choices. And so I had to make a shift in my own heart originally and initially, and that was to look at him through God's eyes. I started seeing him as broken.

And when I started doing that, I was able to love him. Through a forgiveness that is beyond me, I say the Holy Spirit is the one that helps us walk this out. I believe that the Holy Spirit is the one that helps. Helps us forgive. It's very difficult to forgive those that have betrayed us, lied to us.

Took us for granted.

So, one of the first steps I would say, mom or dad, or grandparent, whoever that has this loved one that has turned around and needs forgiveness, is to have that eternal lens and that unconditional love in your heart. Through the power of the Holy Spirit. And we mentioned the words, I'm sorry. Again, I say they're the two most powerful words. It's not saying you did anything wrong, it's saying I'm sorry we're even here.

And I'm just so thankful for this step of reconciliation. And I'm going to forgive you, and I'm going to love you unconditionally. And that. begins the process of healing. Forgiveness is not a feeling, is it?

It's a choice. Mm. Right. We can still feel hurt. We can still be grieved over the lost time and the lifestyle and all of that.

And we can still feel hurt, we can even feel angry toward them. But forgiveness is that choice. to pardon them, which is what exactly what God does for us, to pardon them and also to remove the barrier that this has created between us so that we can in the future move to having a more positive relationship. Yeah, forgiveness is a key issue, no question about that. Tell us again, you mentioned a little bit about where your children are today, but tell us, since you shared each of them, where are they today in their journey?

Well, I just want to throw a party, don't you? Isn't it a time of celebration to see that a child that was 15 years in a journey in the pit of hell can be turned around and not just turned around? All three of my children are entrepreneurs like their mom and dad. Stephen, the eldest, has an insurance brokerage. He's married.

He has baby Elle, who made us la la and papa first. And then we just found out they're having another one. And then we have Lawson, who owns his own real estate investment firm and is a real estate agent. And then my daughter, Kaylee, is married. And she, too, has a little boy that made us la la and papa.

And now she's having another one. And she's a fantastic artist and a real estate agent. And just what's powerful to me. It is to see how on fire these three are since they had such a significant experience and personal, intimate. Touch of God.

They all three are so passionate about helping others find this too. Yeah. That's powerful, isn't it? And when you think about it and look in the New Testament, you know, the apostles, many of the apostles, were people who had a. Bad background.

Paul himself, who wrote so much of the New Testament. was openly anti-God before he had his encounter with God.

So it's amazing how God can turn lives around and just make things totally different.

So yeah, absolutely great. Let me ask you this. What did God do in your own life? living with your s children who who did for these years li live prodigal lives. What how did God use that in your own life?

Well, you know, he works a lot out in the fire, doesn't he? He says, you know, the only way to get gold to really shine is to get it through a fire. He really reformed me from the inside out. I became so deeply surrendered to him and his wills and his ways because I had no other place to go. You know, sometimes we think, oh, we'll just pray like it's the last thing.

Really, it should be the first thing.

Sometimes we do that with God, right? We try to do everything in the natural and in our control. But The most pivotal thing God did through me was to teach me how to literally take pieces of my life and bring them to the altar and say, God, I'm bringing this to you, I'm laying it down so that I know that I know you are going to orchestrate, you are going to show me whatever I need to do or know. And it was so powerful. And little did I know that all those tears.

from that broken heart That mama's broken heart for years and years with three prodigals, that God would use me to help thousands of parents. and loved ones find ways to To bring their prodigals home and heal their families. It's amazing.

Well, Lane, I want to thank you for being with us today and thank you for allowing God to use all the pain that you went through to now, as you just said, help so many other people. And I do believe that our listeners are going to find these books to be extremely helpful.

So thanks for keeping open to God and, as you said, turning the only place you really could turn that had any answers. And Sam, thanks for being with us today. Thank you so much. Once again, the title of our featured resources are the books by our guest, Lane Lawson Kraft, Warfare Parenting, A Daily Battle Plan to Fight for Your Child, and the Parents Battle Plan, Warfare Strategies to Win Back Your Prodigal. Just go to buildingrelationships.us, find out more.

Again, buildingrelationships.us.

Next week, pastor and author Chip Ingram is going to encourage us to choose joy. Learn how to change your perspective and change your life in one week. Our thanks to Janice Backing and Steve Wick for their production work on today's program. Building Relationships with Dr. Gary Chapman is a production of Moody Radio in association with Moody Publishers, a ministry of Moody Bible Institute.

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