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This one took me over two years, Brian. So I started reading it and you bring up a great first confrontation to kind of characterize why the book is so important. You start Bar Rescue. You have a scene and you want your reality shows. Your shows are real.
The emotion's real and the confrontation is real and the resolve is real, if that of course is the case. And you had a producer walk in and go, stop it again. We need you to do this. We need you to do that. John, we need you to stand over there. And you just saw this.
You were poured by it. And you basically said, you're out or I'm out. Make a choice. And you were willing to blow up the whole project because you had a vision and you were willing to have conflict to make sure your vision was sawed through. You know, Brian, you and I share something. We're both honest and I'm not going to go on television and fake stuff. And when I did the show originally, my deal with the network is it would be real. And this one executive came in and wanted me to fake a bunch of stuff. And the show actually got shut down for a day. It was canceled for a day as all the network executives flew in and it was a big deal.
But ever since then, they allowed me to do my show honestly the way I wanted to. If it wasn't for that conflict, Brian, I probably would not be on television today. So conflict is not a bad thing. Conflict is important. And I wrote this book because in today's world, Brian, no matter what side of the political spectrum you're on, if we don't start to speak up as a society, our ideals are going to disappear. And too many people are intimidated by conflict or scared of conflict. So I wanted to put together a how to book with toolkits and understanding how to engage in conflict, not the kind of nasty stuff online. I'm talking about dignified, purposeful conflict.
You know, that brother at Thanksgiving or that boss or the conflict. Look at parents with school boards today. They have to know how to engage in conflict. So hopefully this book empowers people to stick up for what they believe in. You know, to drill down.
You like that the parents stuck up for themselves and their kids and maybe found a school board for the first time in their lives. Absolutely. But sometimes they hurt their message by going over the top. Correct?
And getting too emotional. That's right. This is, you know, great conflict happens logically. It happens in a predetermined, almost strategic kind of way, almost like a debating team, if you will, Brian. You know, you know, you know who you're talking to. You know what they believe.
You do your homework and you engage in something deliberate. And unfortunately, on the line now, none of that happens. Everything is so nasty and lacks dignity. You know, if you and I were going to negotiate something, Brian, and you knew that I was going to take your dignity away when you sat at the table, I was going to embarrass you and shame you.
You wouldn't sit at the table with me. But if you knew I was going to treat you with dignity, you would. So great conflict really starts with dignity.
A couple of things. I think this stat that I was on my Saturday show, we talked about, I believe there's a rise of the of the rational is happening. I'm not talking about moderates. I'm talking about rational people are coming back to America and speaking up.
But this guy, one of my guests say did they did an extensive study. They say two thirds of Americans decide to self silence rather than speak up when they disagree with someone. Two thirds.
They just don't need it. So how do our ideals continue if two thirds of our society doesn't stick up for those ideals? That's why I wrote the book, Brian. I wanted to empower those people. I wanted to give them the confidence and help them understand that their opinion matters. And a lot of the book talks about that, that your opinion matters.
Don't discount yourself. And then as the physiological part, Brian, you know, people who were submissive, who hold things in every day and never stick up for themselves. There's bad physiological effects that happen from that as well. It's not healthy. John, it's safe to say that you don't hold anything in. That's not going to be your problem. You'll turn an ankle before you'll get an ulcer. That's true.
I've seen you in real life and on television, which is real life. So here's the risk. People listening to us right now.
Yeah. If I go and say that to my parents, to my boss, to my friend, to my spouse, I have to risk blowing up that relationship. What's Jon Taffer talking about confrontation?
There's so much, there's so many downsides to it. Well, you're right, but that's the whole point of it is how do you engage with your boss and not lose your job? How do you engage with your boss?
What are the systems of that? How do we engage in conflict? You know, if you're a Fox watcher and you're going to argue with the other side of the political spectrum, I suggest in the book, watch MSNBC for a while. Understand what the heck they're talking about so you can engage better.
You have to understand your opponent and if you do, whether it's a boss, whether it's a parent, whether it's a school system, there's ways to engage in conflict that is meaningful, not destructive. Understood. I get that. Now, a couple of things that you do that I noticed right away. So you'll do a nod. So you'll come up to me, I'm owning a restaurant and you're trying to get through to me and you'll say, listen, I think what you want to do and you'll start nodding. Is that subconscious or is that a tactic?
Oh, it's purposeful. Also, when, when people are talking to me, I'll put my hand on my chin. I want people to think that what they say matters to me, that I respect them. And on that basis of respect and listening to them, I can engage in meaningful conflict. If I don't respect them or listen to them, it just becomes a screaming match, Brian, and we don't get anywhere. This is about being logical and being practical and understanding your opposition and strategically going at it to make a point.
Understood. So, for example, body language wise, some people will lean against, so if I'm talking to you, I'll lean against the wall, I'll fold my hand, I'll listen to you. But if I back up and listen, people get the understanding that you are as opposed to turning away and walking away. If you turn away or if your body language with your, with your legs crossed or your hand behind your head, which means superiority, do you get the, do you get into some of that?
Absolutely. You know, I look at crossed arms, I look at body language, I look at tightening muscles. I mean, those are the signs to tell you you're not getting through. And if you're not getting through, the conflict is worthless. So you have to understand the other side and we talk about so much of this in the book and the tool kits that we give.
Help analyze that. You know, Brian, if I'm talking to you and you cross your arms and step back, there's no point anymore. You're not accepting what I'm saying.
So I sort of blew it already. I need to pull you back in somehow and I need to get your hand back on your chin and get you engaged with me. And great conflict happens when both sides are engaged. What about repeating their point? You repeat their point and then you bring up your point.
And don't use the word but, use it and. I completely agree with that. Not only is that respectful, it's showing them that you listen to them. So you're saying this, you're saying that, yep, I can understand how you feel that way. And I have a view that might, you know, have, so I'm with you 100%. Acknowledging is part of respect.
Right. And the other thing is, as confident as you are, I think the more confident people know, the more they're willing to understand that maybe they need to know more. I think the smarter people are, the more they realize they have to know more. There's nothing wrong with maybe realizing you're wrong. And that comes out through confrontation. People have to be mature enough to admit it.
Has that happened to you? Absolutely. You know, there's a great story in the book we talk about with Roy and Walt Disney. When Walt Disney would have spent them at a house and home, they would have gone broke many, many years before they were successful. Roy controlled the checkbook. And they were making the movie Snow White. And we talk about this in the book and there are some glitters, some defects in the film in the movie Snow White. And Roy goes, Walt goes to Roy and says, I need to fix this.
It's $150,000. Roy wouldn't let him do it. And if you watch the Snow White movie to this day, you'll see that defect in the film. It was conflict that created the success of Disney. The conflict between Roy matching the dollars and Walt watching the creative.
And it was the combination of both that made it successful. Yeah, you know, we have something special prepared for you when you come on One Nation this weekend because I know you're going to be on the channel. Do it a little bit different. But I want to just play a cut from your new season of Bar Rescue. Let's listen. Stop! You picked up that bacon with your bare hands. Then put your hands all over this plate. You're going to fucking kill somebody. You put gloves on your hand. Go touch raw chicken.
Then touch every handle in this kitchen. What the hell are you guys doing? How did that come out?
That is not the kind of conflict I recommend in a book. As you know, Bar Rescue is a 30, 60 day process that I do in four days. You know, when I go to these bars, Brian, they've been told their bars are terrible. They've been told their bars are dirty. Their employees have told them this for years. I have to say it in a way that gets noticed.
I only have four days to do it. I get loud on purpose. Believe it or not, that's not anger. That's very deliberate. And it's me engaging in what I'll call high volume conflict to affect the change very, very quickly because I don't have the time for ten conversations. Understood. And people should understand that. I mean, you don't want to give away your tricks, but there's ways that you get people candid. It's well thought out and very sophisticated so that when people get, you get them in their real environment.
Yeah. Also, they have to understand your intention, Brian. You know, in Bar Rescue, I always get my hug in the end, right? So they understand when I'm screaming and yelling and ranting and raving that I'm well intended. I'm trying to help them, not hurt them. So that's got to come through in conversations, too. They care about the other side and you're well intended.
You've got to go do a TV hit. But, Jon, before you leave, there's a sense, even in pro sports, that coaches today do not coach like they used to, even in the Army, in the military, the academies. They don't do the screaming.
They don't go through the Paris island like boot camp. Do you take that into account that today's younger generation does not want that? And does that play into maybe what Jon Taffer was like in the 90s as opposed to 2022? No.
I believe that we still need to do those things. Coaches push athletes to be their best. They push them to exceed even their own expectations of performance. That doesn't happen if somebody isn't pushed.
Either they push themselves, like a Michael Jordan did, or they have a coach who pushes them. I'm all in favor of that style. It's funny, when Marsha Wince was on bar rescue, he told me what a great coach I would have been. I know. I saw you did that.
Of course, the outstanding Raider and Buffalo Bill running back. Thanks so much, Jon. Best of luck. I'll talk to you during the week. Congratulations on the book.
It is called The Power of Conflict. Pick it up and you'll be a better person, a better spouse, a better worker, and a better CEO. Thanks, Jon. Thanks, buddy.
Whisper: medium.en / 2023-02-15 03:08:20 / 2023-02-15 03:13:50 / 6