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Hit on watch and you can just scroll until you get to us. Zana Garg, comedian, screenwriter, and host of the Zana Garg Family Podcast and author of the new book, This American Woman, a once in a lifetime memoir. Zana, congratulations on the book. Thank you. Thank you so much for having me. You just showed me a picture of you in the subway. That's right.
All right. So I thought your first when you decide to go from the funny person to your family and your friends to on stage, I thought it was a little stage. You found you. Did you get the stage, the pandemic hit, then you hit the subway? Yeah, I mean, I did my first sold out show at Caroline's in Midtown in New York. And the week after I did my first sold out show, the pandemic hit and New York City shut down. And because I was so new to it, I was really nervous that I'm going to lose my comedy. I'm going to lose the funny. So I just bought a mobile speaker and mic and I started doing shows in the subways of New York City and I was doing a show every evening under a tree behind the Met. Get out of here.
Yeah, for free. How did you get people social media? No, I just whoever showed up, I was just accosting people. Be like, let me tell you a joke. And were people thinking, well, this poor woman needs help. Or they were just nervous, but they didn't want to react. So they were like, all right, just tell the joke and leave. You know, sometimes you see crazy people and you just stand still. Right.
And like let them do the crazy thing. And that's when you thought you were one of those people. So that was what year? 2019, 2020.
2020. How soon were you already starting to establish yourself before the pandemic hit? Just starting, like just about making a little bit of a name, very minor. I was working in one or two clubs in New York at the time.
Right. And then you started on stage. How would you describe your humor? Family stuff, everyday life humor, husband, wife, kids, many kids, teens, a very expensive college trauma. And of course, the star of my show, the mother-in-law.
Right. So describe your life before you got to America. I mean, I, I was born and raised in extreme affluence in India. I was born into a, by the time I was born, my parents were wealthy, even though they were self-made. By the time I came around, we had a big house.
We had, we had everything. We had air conditioning, which back then in India was a big deal. Like, you know, you're talking the 80s, 70s even. And I was a very happy, like socially conscious Indian kid, like in the Park Avenue of Mumbai.
So think, think a leafy, beautiful street like Park Avenue in Mumbai. And, you know, my mom passed suddenly and I was the youngest of four. And my dad, the day after she passed, was like, you need to get married. And that kind of, I was 14. Yeah. Which, which by the way, in India, it's still, it's young, but it's not like unthinkable.
There are 15 year olds who get married today. So he picked a guy for you in a range marriage? He wanted to. Yeah, he did eventually because I, yeah.
And did you stay with that guy? No, no. I mean, no.
I almost did because I was out of options. I mean, I left home. First of all, for two years, I was, I was couchsurfing in India.
Wow. So you go from affluent to couchsurfing. My dad was like, listen, if you don't want to get married, you can't live here. He thought he would scare me into submission and I thought he would come around.
See, I thought he's riddled with grief because his wife has just died, my mom, and that he's going to come around and this is all going to be okay. And we were basically in a face off. So I left thinking, I'll just room with my friends. When you're 14, 15, you think life is a slumber party. And then I showed up at my friend's house and after a day there, my friend's mom is like, you should go back. And that's when it hit me. I was like, oh my God, like I have nowhere to go.
And it was almost two years of where can I go tonight? Because my dad, you know. Did you stop going to school? I was going to school just about because everybody I stayed with was in my school.
And, you know, India that way, unlike America, is a very community style life, like you can stay with your friends, show up in school with their parents. Oh, yeah. It's not a big deal.
It's not that serious. So I was still I finished school, but it was every day was a new trauma of like, where am I going to stay tonight? And if and now in hindsight, a lot of my comedy has its roots in those years because a big reason people open their doors to me is because I made them laugh.
You know, I always kept things light. I tried to offer whatever value I could, you know, around the dinner table or whatever was going on. So but I gave up at some point.
I gave up and I went back to my crawling to my dad. I was like, all right, you win because I was trying to get a visa to come to America. My sister lived in America.
She still does in Ohio. And I was trying desperately to get a visa. You were just going to leave him behind and your family behind. I was going to leave everything because she was willing to take me and no one else was willing to believe your dad didn't cave. No, no. You believe it because people back home are that severe.
Like, I know in America it feels like a lot, but the guys back home, they're not fooling around when they say you're going to listen to me or else they mean it. How did you get here? I got a visa. Eventually I got a visa. What year is that?
In 1992. So 92 you get here and then what do you do? I go to college. My sister knew. I was always an avid student, a reader. So your grades are good.
My grades are excellent. The one thing that hurt me in my life is my insatiable curiosity. I always wanted to learn and my dad thought that was the worst crime on earth. Why?
Because he's like women who learn too much, their lives get ruined, then they have opinions. And you knew that was ridiculous. Did you know instinctively, even though culturally it wasn't, but do you know instinctively it was? I had such a tearing need to learn. I can't even explain. I mean, I'm a self-taught screenwriter who won the number one screenwriting competition in America, beat out 11,000 scripts myself. I taught myself on YouTube how to write a screenplay. So there's something inside me that's desperate to learn. I don't even know what it, I can't control it.
Right. But so my dad, I mean, my whole life as a child, I got yelled at because I, I wanted to read the newspaper before anybody else's. I still do today. I read every newspaper. I watch all the new shows.
I'm desperate and he would be furious. Why are you reading the newspaper? This is not going to help you in life. Well, it's incredible.
You inherited a smudge from your mother or your father. So you come here, you go to college. Where do you go? Yeah.
University of Akron in Akron, Ohio. How'd it go? So good. I mean, so good.
I love, I was in Ohio for almost seven years living with my sister, believe it or not. Thank God. Thank God for rich relatives.
Right. But she was very encouraging. Her husband was extremely. My brother in law is a doctor in America, has been practicing 40 years. They were like, you study as much as you want. We're here with you. So I went to college. I went to law school.
I'm licensed to practice law in New York. We try to forget that. I'm really bad at it. OK, good. I'll keep that in mind. At one point, all my clients were in jail.
I mean, they were guilty, but that's not the point. You were no help. Yeah. So you become it.
But then you need to do to complete your life. How do you go about getting your husband? I put an ad out online in 1997. I think I'm one of the earliest online dating success. You put an ad out. I put an ad out. I was very, very matter of fact. It was like I'm looking for a life partner who's you know, I'm going to be very successful.
You need to be ready to go with me. I was like, no friends. Please don't email me if you want to be my friend, because at the time the TV show Friends was all the rage. And I remember thinking as an Indian person, that show was like a horror show for us. Why? Because nobody was ever getting married.
All right. They were dating. They were not dating. They were on a break.
They were not on a break. To somebody with our sensibility, it was like, what is happening in this show? So I was very I'm not a Friends fan. I'm one of the few in America. I never bought it. I'm like, I just don't care about the characters. I remember watching it and thinking my dad was right.
There is no hope for people here. Oh, but you were watching in India. No, I was here. But he was always getting in my sister's head. He stopped talking to me when I left India. We got estranged completely. We never spoke again. And you haven't spoken? No, he passed and I wasn't even allowed to attend his funeral.
It was like he was like, I'm out of it. Because you turned out an arranged marriage at 14. I know it feels shocking here in America, but what he remembers is that I walked away from a guaranteed life that he was going to set up for me. He wasn't a bad guy, to be clear.
He wasn't. He came from a good place. I have three siblings who are arranged. My sister was arranged and is deliriously happy and successful. Do you think arranged marriages should be more commonplace? I think the basis for arranged marriages is very solid. There's some calculation of what's your family like?
What's your education like? There's some logic to it. So there's some good elements to it. Now, should it be done the way they do it back home where the women pretty much have no choice? I don't think that it should be done that way. Yeah, I agree with that. So the other thing would be you take an ad out and you find somebody. There's another trend out there. They're offering now in new relationships four-year contracts. Would you think that would ever work if you married someone and say, how would you like a four-year marriage?
People do all kinds of things. I don't think it works in my sensibility because you're either in it to build it or you're not. But it does keep you on your game knowing that my contract's coming to an end.
Yeah, but it also keeps you on your mind like, let me see what else is out there. That's dangerous. That's a dangerous path to go. I mean, now that I'm going to be famous someday.
No, you are famous. No, I tell my husband, I'm like, listen, I have to do the whole Hollywood thing. At some point, I'm going to need another guy because that's what all the big players in Hollywood do. How does he take that?
We've been together 26 years. He answered your ad and you married him. Well, he didn't really answer because my ad was batshit crazy because one of the elements in my ad was bring your tax returns and medical records.
How impressive is that 20 years before COVID? Right. And he responded saying, are you crazy?
Like, what is this? And we kind of struck a friendship over email. And I was like, I actually have hundreds of people responding to me in Cleveland, Ohio.
That is unbelievable. But yeah, my husband and I, we've been best friends long enough. We laugh and I even I tell him, I go, I even know my next demographic. If things don't work out with my husband for all your listeners, I'm telling you right now, my next move is a billionaire with heart disease. Somebody who's got less than five years. Great combination.
That would be fantastic. So how long from when did you go from wife, mom to comedian? About six years ago. And that transition seemed natural? It seemed natural the way I do it, right? Because I'm not a product of the stand up comedy scene. I just showed up at an open mic because my kids dared me to do it. But once I got up there, I really I was like, this is a job like, you know, no one back home has thought of stand up comedy as a profession. Really?
No, not at all. Like, and they still don't like I still have to like explain to Indian people what we're doing. First of all, they all we don't go out for fun. That's the one. Where do you go out? We don't. S.A.T.
prep. We don't do we don't do all that. You're not going to see an Indian person really at a Taylor Swift concert.
That's just not. I mean, do you have clubs? There's no clubs in Bombay.
Even today, there's maybe one or two. And then they get attacked for all kinds of reasons, because it's not America. Like in America, say what you want about who you want. You can't do that everywhere else. You can't do that in India. We had a club for democracy. It is.
And yet. Yes. So to all your listeners, Google right now, Indian Comedy Club destroyed just a few months ago because of something that some foolish thing a comic set. You can't go back. That's all. That's the last thing you need.
I don't think they want me back. Right. So I mean, to have this book out to tell your story, it's a great American, a great American immigrant story. How do you feel about all this talk about the illegal immigration, the number one topic I think in America?
Yeah. Outside tariffs. How do you feel about it? Well, the issue I have with it is that a lot, if not most of the people commenting on it are not immigrants themselves. They have not gone through the process, have not stood in that line.
They have not understood the content. So I because I immigrated myself right. I know what it takes to do it legally to how many years you have to follow the rules, follow the laws, all the documentation and everything that you have to submit. So I kind of understand the crisis that it that the way it is in America and I hope that it gets fixed. All right. The name of the book, it's out. It's called This American Woman, a once in a billion memoir, Zana Gorg. It's her story. She's here right now. She also has dates we'll share with you and come back.
I also want you to comment on other people's relationships. Is that OK? Yeah, let's do it. All right. You listen to The Brian Kilmeade Show where the breaking news is not good. Friend of the show who I just interviewed on television two hours ago, Michael Waltz has been fired.
A national security adviser, along with Alex Wong, his assistant, I assume this dates back to the signal chat controversy. Don't move. This episode is brought to you by select quote. Life insurance can have a huge impact on our family's future with select quote. Getting covered with the right policy for you is simple and affordable. Select quotes, licensed insurance agents will tailor your experience to find a life insurance policy for your needs in as little as 15 minutes and select quote partners with carriers that provide policies for many conditions. Select quote, they shop, you save.
Go to select quote dot com slash Spotify pod today to get started. The other change for Belichick is 24 year old Jordan Hudson, his creative muse, as he writes in his book. Hudson was a constant presence during our interview.
You have Jordan right over there. Everybody in the world seems to be following this relationship. They've got an opinion about your private life.
It's got nothing to do with them, but they're invested in it. How do you deal with that? I've never been too worried about what everybody else thinks.
Just try to do what I feel like is best for me and what's right. How did you guys meet? I'm not talking about this. No?
No. So she evidently interrupted six times. I'm talking about the 24 year old girlfriend of Bill Belichick who wrote a book about something about winning, which of course he knows a lot about. And also he's lost. The Browns didn't go well. He was head coach, you know, he's assistant coach under, he was assistant coach under Bill Parcells, where a lot of people thinks he was overshadowed big time. So I think he's got a lot to say.
And also it ended when Brady retired, he wasn't successful. I'm interested in the book. But when CBS brought up something as their personal relationship, out from the corner comes a 24 year old girlfriend taking control, looking like she's directing the interview. Zana Garg is here. Her book is now out, The American Woman, a one in a billion memoir, which is a fantastic story.
But Zana, we talked so much about relationships, the difference in American culture. Your thoughts about this relationship and a 24 year old girlfriend interrupting a legendary Hall of Fame coach while he's doing an interview? I think he likes it, Brian. I think he likes it.
I think he has to make so many decisions in his professional life and he has to be a boss. I think he's enjoying being slapped around like this. Isn't it humiliating? Come on. This is turning him on, obviously. He's allowing it. Right. And how about this? Would you ever allow someone to show up for an interview for a book with a old shirt with holes in it? Once again. A 72 year old man. The thing is that I do think she's a social media and a media genius because she knows this little hole is going to get this interview thing popping more than anything he can say. Interesting.
How many people zoomed in and were like, is that actually a hole in a shirt? Here is Alec Baldwin on the red carpet with the mom of seven. He's had a hell of a last three years. Listen to Alec Baldwin, who's as belligerent as he gets.
But now we're around his wife. Listen. You want more of this season two? The Ilaria show. No, no.
I, I think we're going to see, you know, it's, we're going to see how it feels to have it be out there. You're a winner. Oh my God. When I'm talking, you're not talking. No.
When I'm talking, you're not talking. This is why. Yes.
We'll have to like, just cut him out of the show. Come on, Zarna. That's not acceptable.
Is it really? Would your husband talk to you like that? I think she forgot. She is not talking to one of her seven kids.
She had a moment of like, I'm talking to my son. Right. Don't you think we got a glimpse inside though?
Yes, we really did. But once again, he must like it. There's no way this is happening without his permission. Right. You know what I mean?
But yeah, I mean, it's just so weird to see two guys who usually get in people's face totally controlled by a strong woman. Who you are. Zarna Garg, as funny as he gets, the American woman. Where can we see you on the road? Where do we go? What website? Oh, ZarnaGarg.com has all my tour dates coming up.
I'm going to be all over the country touring my third hour because my second hour practical people win is dropping in Hulu in July. Wow. You are productive. Yeah. Keep it up. That's what we do.
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