I would like to direct your attention back to the book of Ephesians this morning. Ephesians 5. Mm. I would like to say that I have been encouraged over the years. the four and a half years that I've been with you all by the The eager submission that you readily display to the Word of God and have.
Expressed not only in my preaching, but the preaching of all the elders and the teaching here, your excitement. uh to to learn about the scriptures to submit to them uh has been so refreshing. This is not the testimony Of every church that I have been to, and is not the testimony that many pastors would share concerning their congregation. And so I've been very encouraged and blessed by the conversations I've had with you all throughout the week of your excitement of what the book of Ephesians has for us all. Martin Luther, when he came to this chapter, calls it the hostafell.
It's the the the the dining table. of the book of Ephesians, where Paul pulls up to the table. and has been beginning to address us on the subject of family matters. And indeed, that's what we are looking at here this week, last week, and the next two weeks to come. One of the privileges of attending Beacon And the privileges, as Brother Jeff mentioned this morning, is that we're a multi-generational church, and we're not trying to.
to divvy us up and separate us from one another. And one of the privileges that I have had in my time here is is becoming acquainted with the widowers of our congregation. When I speak with these brothers, I regularly find My heart stirred to love my wife more dearly. as I hear them speak with such fondness of their own brides. As I sat yesterday in my office thinking about them, I have a habit every day of checking Facebook memories.
It usually lets me see pictures of the kids that I've posted and forgotten about. And I enjoy that. But I made a post last year about the Christian gentleman and was quite encouraged by a comment made by our sister Regina Abernathy concerning. Tony, in which she writes, My husband is the best of the best. I thank the Lord for my husband because he loves the Lord and He loves me.
And as I sat there staring at her words, I thought to myself, I don't think that there could be a better thing that a wife could say. about her husband. than that he loves Jesus. And he loves me. And as we turn our attention to Ephesians 5 this morning, we find that Paul certainly thinks that all husbands should aspire for such a testimony with their wives.
Paul, having exploded with praise at the glorious love bestowed upon us by the Father through the Son. has now turned To the church and calls us to walk in light of that love. And as I mentioned last week, Paul is pulling a chair up to our dinner table, and he is speaking to us on family matters. After discussing the subtle glory of a wife's biblical submission last week. Paul now turns to the husband.
What is most striking at the outset of this passage is that Paul never once mentions the word headship to the husband.
Now while he mentions it to the wife, he never mentions it to the husband. Instead, what he does is he strikes us. Pelts us, as it were, with the word love, throwing it at us six times from verses 25 to 33.
Now, this does not mean that the apostle has changed his mind on the husband's position in the home. But instead, it seems to me that the Apostle Paul feels that the most crucial reminder for the men of the church was not to remember their headship, but to remember that their headship is to be characterized predominantly by Christocentric love. Christ glorifying love. Christ modeling. Love.
And so this morning, Paul is going to teach us. That the spirit-filled husband models Christ-likeness. By sacrificially loving his wife. And by laboring for her spiritual Growth. Paul wants us to know that the spirit-filled husband Models Christlikeness by sacrificially loving his wife, and laboring for her spiritual growth.
This means that as husbands, we are to model Christ's love for the church. We are to model Christ's love for the church in our love for our wives.
So today, by following his example, our marriages will be pictures of the gospel as we do three things. And here's our first. thing from the text. We will model the gospel in our marriages as husbands as we die for our wives. Daily.
As we die for Her. As Paul turns his attention to the husbands of the church, he gives them a command that is utterly impossible for us to fulfill outside of the Holy Spirit's aid. And that's important for us to recognize. I don't have time to go through and to expound the whole chapter of Ephesians 5, but we do remember last week that Paul has called us to know the will of God for your life and to not walk through this life as a drunkard, but walk in this life empowered, influenced, not by the things of this world, but by the Spirit. And so the wife in her biblical submission cannot do this outside of the Spirit's aid.
And the husband to lead the home with Christ-like love cannot do this. Outside of the Spirit's help. He says Husbands Love your Wise. And if it ended there, it wouldn't be so bad. Because the world has its own definition of love.
And we have our own definition of love. And yet the way that he defines our love for us or for our wives is you love your wife. The way that Jesus loves his church. The word love that is used twice in this verse is the word agapeo, or agape. This is the word that Jesus uses in John chapter 15, verse 13, where he says, Greater love.
has no one than this. than to lay down one's life for his Friends. This kind of love is what Paul points, this kind of love that Paul points us to in Ephesians 5, verses 2 through 3. We see it here, it says, Therefore, let us be imitators of God as dear children, and walk in agapeo. Let us walk in love.
As Christ also has loved us and given himself. Four. Uh Now that word for love is a word that describes an unconditional a freely given and an unwaveringly devoted Love.
Furthermore, the word gave that we find in this verse: husbands, love your wives, just as Christ has also loved the church. and gave himself for her. The word gave, which he uses to reference Christ giving himself up, is not a word that references force. Jesus was not forced to go to the cross for us. Jesus was not made to go to the cross for us.
Instead, Paul wants us to know that Christ has portrayed and pictured his love for us by voluntarily, by willingly giving up his life and dying sacrificially for us.
So Brothers, if we are to love our wives as Christ also loved the church, we are expected to die daily for her, not begrudgingly. But willingly. Willingly. If this kind of love, furthermore, is unconditional, it means that Paul isn't asking us men. Has she been looking the way that you want her to be looking lately?
Has she been cooking the things that you're preferring lately? Has she been doing the things that you like lately? That is completely foreign to Paul's command for you to love her with a love that is unconditional. This rides upon last week's command for a wife to unconditionally submit to her husband. The submission is not rooted and the love is not rooted in your spouse's perfection.
It is rooted in their position. God has set him over the man, over the wife, to be the head, and therefore submit. And the wife has set, or the Lord has set the wife beside you to love, and therefore. Love. And just in case we get to thinking of the world's ideas of love and that it will suffice, Paul says.
You need to love like Jesus. It's like he reaches out and grabs our chin. And he points it up to the cross, and he says, do you see the love displayed by Christ for his church? Go and do thou likewise. to her.
This is one of the most overwhelming commands and the entirety of the scriptures. Don't, he's not saying go and love like your dad loved, or go and love like they've taught you in Hollywood. He says, go and love your wife. The way that the Son of God incarnate loved the church and gave himself for her. I think it might be rightfully said that in this entire hostafe, in the entirety of this family matters thing that we're discussing this week or this month.
This is perhaps the weightiest of them all. You love her the way Jesus loves his bride, the church. In his book, The Masculine Mandate, Richard Phillips Quoting a friend writes, I used to think That if a man came into my house to attack my wife, I would certainly stand up to him. But then I came to realize that the man who enters my house and assaults my wife every day is me. Through my anger, my harsh words, my complaints, and my indifference, as a Christian, I came to the realization that the man I needed to kill in order to protect my wife most is me.
Is me. Brother. The way that we assure our wives that we would die for them. Is by living for their good both day in and day out. This means that we wake up every morning and we make a conscious decision that I have died this day for the good of my wife and for the glory of God.
Now, sure. You're married. We know. But let me ask. Does your wife think that you like her?
Does your wife think that you like her? And I know, we're guys, you go, I've given her a ring. Yeah, it's pretty obvious. No, I'm asking you: does your wife think you actually like her? Do you talk to her?
Do you give her attention when she speaks? Do you want to be around her? Do you enjoy her companionship? Or does she see you getting more excited about going to the ball game or hanging out with your buddies? Better yet, how do you respond when you're exhausted from work and she comes to you in pieces after a hard day with the kids?
Do you respond to her with harshness? Do you respond to her fragile emotions by tirating over her and demanding that she gets over it? If so, brothers, that is not the way of the Christian man. Listen to the Apostle Paul. Husbands, Colossians 3.19 says, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.
Do not be harsh. with them. We are logical thinkers. We like to put things in boxes and neatly put them away. They are fluid thinkers.
And sometimes the way that their emotions are very feminine and very delicate, and this is a bre a vast generalization. They're very delicate in nature, and yet we tend to want to be very dismissive and harsh and quick to dismiss that kind of emotion and telling it to essentially go away. And Paul says, don't do that. Be very gentle with her. Do not be harsh.
with your wives. Do we sit on the couch and command her and command our children around as though they are servants for our pleasure? Or do we pour ourselves out for them? Do we exhaust ourselves? for our wives.
Do we seek to model the love of Jesus to them by putting them before ourselves. You see, church, the biblical idea of headship is to lovingly embrace your God-given responsibility. to direct your home in such a way That God's glory is displayed and those beneath you are directly benefiting from your leadership. Do they directly benefit from you as a husband? Do they directly benefit from you?
As a father? Do you bring order and contentment and peace when you arrive home? Or are you another log to the furnace of chaos? when you get there. Do you love your wife the way that Jesus loves the church?
Have you died to yourself this morning? If not, Paul makes it very clear. You're sinning. You're sinning. Because when the Father looks down upon your marriage, he is to rejoice.
Why? Because when he looks, it's as though it's a living statue displaying the glorious love that Jesus has for his bride. The triune Godhead rejoices in the gospel-pictured home. And so, if we refuse to love her the way that Christ loved the church by dying for her, or refusing God's command. And we are in sin.
We are in sin. R. Kent Hughes, he put it this way. Brothers a leaky faucet. may not seem to be much to us.
Especially if you're exhausted by working all day. But if you were in the kitchen as much as your wife is, it would seem like Oriental water torture. Sacrificial love dies to self. And it serves the ones. that it loves.
So, first we see that if Jesus proclaims his love in dying for the church, husbands must die to themselves day in and day out for the church. There. Wives. R.K. Hughes also says That For a man oftentimes the golf course It's like Dante's Paradisio.
But the department store's entrance is like Dante's Inferno, which says, Abandon all hope, ye who enter him. And he says, but the loving husband will often forsake the lush greens of paradise to storm the gates of hell for love. Yes, brothers, we are to die to self for her good. We are to entertain and to love the things that she loves. Not because we necessarily enjoy them, but because we enjoy her.
And because she enjoys them, I enjoy them too. Because she enjoys them, I enjoy them too.
So we are to die for her as Christ has died for his church, but that is not all. You are, beloved brother, to disciple. her, die for her and disciple. Uh While Christ proclaims his love in dying for the church, Paul now teaches us that Christ's purpose in that death. Is displayed in the fruitful holiness of his church, which he is sanctifying with his word.
Look with me, the text says. That he might. sanctify and cleanse her, With the washing of water, the by the word. If you're carrying an ESV this morning, I actually Really enjoy the rendering that they have there, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her with the washing of water. Buy his word.
And the reason I appreciate that translation there is when we read the word sanctify, what do you think of? You think of what we call progressive sanctification. It's this lifelong process where I'm just becoming more like Jesus, right? But in Paul, in Paulinian theology, that's usually not what he's referring to. He's usually referring to what we call definitive sanctification.
What's definitive sanctification? It's where the Father has reached down and grabbed that which was set aside for wicked and unholy use, and has set it aside now apart for his holy pleasure and purposes. God has in Christ sent His Son to die, and the purpose for His Son's death is that you might no longer be a vessel of wrath, but that you might be a vessel of glory. and of love Set aside. for the glory of God.
Now, in Jewish customs At the time of betrothal, a man would come to his bride-to-be with a gift. And he would look at her and he would say, Behold, You were consecrated unto me. You are betrothed to me. Behold, you are a wife to me.
Now, this is something between what we would consider our engagement and our marriage. Technically, legally, at that betrothal period, they are married. But their actual wedding date wouldn't come and it would not be consummated until a year later. And yet with those words, she is now brought into covenant with This man. Similarly, it is through the gospel, through this word, that Jesus has worked in you and has set you aside for himself.
Like the husband giving a word to this precious young lady, and now she is mine. Likewise, Jesus has sent forth the gospel. Of all that He has done for you. And it is through your reception of that gospel that He has taken you and He sets you aside for Himself. You belong to Christ.
How do I belong to Christ? Because I've been ravished by his words of love that he has died for me. He has died for me.
So, if the purpose of Christ's sacrifice is the holiness of the church, Then Paul is showing us That the method for your sanctification is what we call spirit-empowered Word ministry. A washing of water. by the word. by spirit empowered Word ministry. I tend to believe that that's what the washing of the water with the word is referring to there as you read through John's gospel.
The Holy Spirit, especially in John 5 and John 7, is referred to as this living water. And so I tend to believe that what Paul is teaching us is that Christ has set you aside for himself. By his gospel. How? Through his spirit using the gospel.
and wooing us and bringing us to Christ.
Now, what is the motivation? The method that Christ has used is His word by His Spirit. But what is the motivation? that Jesus has. Look with me in verse 27.
He says That He might present her to himself A glorious church. not having spot or wrinkle, or any such thing, but that she should be holy. And without Blemish. The motivation that Jesus has for the spirit-empowered word ministry to the church. is that he is preparing you, his bride.
for the day that you're going to be revealed. before him and you're going to be revealed without spot or wrinkle. The word there means without a moral flaw or failure. You will be. Perfect.
As a father of three children, it is becoming increasingly hard on Lord's Day mornings to pick out clothes because I either put them on them and it's not what he was feeling, or I put them on them and there's a stain there. Right, and usually I don't notice it, and I go say, Show mom what we got on you. And they walk in there, and she goes, There's a stain right there, hunter. And That will not be the case with the church. Christ is ushering us towards this great day where we will, as it were, the gates of eternity will break open and we will stand before Him and there will be no flaw, no imperfection.
There will be nothing but beauty as we are presented before Him. He will look at us and to say, You are altogether wonderful, my love. This is the motive of Christ for his church. And what is beautiful about this text when you look here is, I think that Paul is scoping us from eternity past to eternity future. Jesus has loved us past tense.
He has set his love upon us. Jesus came and he died for us. Jesus set us apart in time by the preaching of the word. Jesus is sanctifying us, and then in the future, Jesus is going to present us wonderful and complete before him. His love spans all of time past and time future.
During our wedding, I remember standing in front of nearly 400 people. I didn't know any of them. Reagan was by far the star of the show, as is rightfully so. And I was scared to death. And it wasn't because I had stage fright.
It was because I spent the entire rehearsal practice just staring at her and not paying attention. And so I didn't know when she was supposed to come down. And so when the first song went through and the doors still weren't opening, I figured she bailed out and I got a little nervous.
So you could understand my relief when halfway through the second song, the doors fly open and there she is.
Well, not only am I relieved that I don't have to tell 400 people that she bailed out on me, but my excitement because not only is she here, but look at her. Right? Look at her. She's beautiful. She's beautiful.
And this is the way with Christ. It's a beautiful thing to think That the Lord is happily preparing us for the day that we will come before Him as a bride without blemish. Church, it is a great thing to know. that the Lord is as eager for us to be with him. as we are.
to be with him. The Lord is as eager for us to stand before Him as we are eager. to stand before him. He is rejoicing over the thoughts of that great. day.
So, seeing the love of Jesus as our example, we husbands need to realize. That just as Jesus is setting aside his bride with the word, we too are to wash our wives with the word.
Now hear me carefully. This does not mean that we are the source of her sanctification. But it does mean that we are a means, an instrument. that the Lord is using. to mold her into the image of Jesus Christ.
We are a means the Lord is using. for our wives' spiritual growth. The question that we should ask ourselves this morning, brothers, is is my wife spiritually better off? after having married me. Is she more like Jesus?
after we have been together. Than she was before. In his book, Domestical Duties, it's a 911-page book that the Puritans loved to give newlyweds. And let me tell you, it is so good and it is so practical that I read it and Reagan would call me after work. I would just sit in my car and find myself and I would just keep reading.
And she was like, Where are you at? I'd say, Look, this guy is just dropping some great stuff. I can't stop reading it. It's very practical. But William Gouge drops a little bit of hammer concerning husbands.
who refuse to nurture the souls of those in their homes. He says, Those who abandon all religious exercise in their houses make their homes more like hothouses of the devil than churches of God. If for lack of means, and by that he means refusing to spiritually provide for your home, either public or private, if by lack of means a wife lives and dies in ignorance or profanity or unbelief or unrepentance, which result in her eternal damnation, surely her blood shall be required at your hands, for the husband is God's watchman over his wife. Essentially, what he's saying is, husband, you were put in her life to point her to Jesus. And if you so shirk that responsibility that she goes to hell because the word of God has not been poured over us, over her.
It's on you. It's on you. Her response to the word is not on you. But your job is to see to it that you are readily ministering. the word to us.
Like in our evangelism, The outcome is not our job. But the carrying out of the proclamation. Yes, our Job.
So brother, let me ask you. When was the last time, other than for food, that you led your family in prayer? When was the last time you led your family in prayer? When was the last time you opened your Bible and taught your family what God's Word has for them? William Watley, another Puritan, wrote, Let a man and his wife pray together.
Let them confer with each other of their heavenly country. Let them sing a psalm together and join in such religious exercises.
So shall their hearts be knit together fast and firm to God first and then and then to each other. And as they do so, Bright beams of God's image will shine forth and show themselves in each of them. And that is lovely and alluring. and will make them amiable to each other. These will nourish the spirit of holiness in them.
And that. will kindle love. That will kindle love. Do you walk with her not only as though you're husband and wife, but do you walk with her? as brother and sister in the Lord.
You are pilgrims heading home. Do you remind her That we are not long for this world, but we are journeying to see our Lord. Do you point her to gospel promises?
Now you might be thinking, Hunter. I'm not trained in this. I can't lead my family here, and if that's you, here's three things I want you to hear. First. You need, brother, to recognize that you are God's man.
for that home. You are God's man for your home. God has been pleased to raise you up this day and to give you that woman and those children to lead and to serve them for His glory. You have the Spirit, the Spirit. the scriptures and the saints of God around you.
You are more prepared than you think.
So stop telling yourself, brother, that you're ill-equipped and start telling yourself that you cannot bear the thoughts of starving the people that Christ has given you to care for. You can't afford not to pastor your home. You are God's man. For your home. Pastor them, shepherd them, bring the word before them, speak his word over them.
God will bless you. Brother In this ministry. Second, let your love for her. drive you to the word. If you love your wife, and I know you do, I know you do.
Then let that love for her drive you into the word so you have something for them. And as you do this, God is going to use His Word to sanctify you. As you wake up in the morning and you wake up an hour earlier to prepare your devotion for that night and to, as a priest, intercede for your wife and children that day, the Lord is going to use that not only to bless them when you get home and teach them, but to bless your own soul. As you study his word. There is no sense at which you lose anything in being a minister to your home.
There is only gain. Finally, if you don't know where to begin, come talk to me. Come talk to one of the elders. We will give you resources. I will load you up with resources.
And if that, if you're not a resource guy, we will invite you into our homes and we will let you observe how simple and how beautiful family worship is. You say, but I have little children. Look, I do too. You just grab the little squirt and sit them on your lap and say, This is God's word for you. It doesn't need to be three hours long.
You don't need to preach a puritanical sermon. Don't provoke them to wrath. Make it something they can understand and give them the word where they are and minister to them where they are, and the Lord will be praised and they will benefit and God will honor your faithfulness to that home. May God let us be touched with a renewed sense of responsibility. I am God's man for that woman and those children.
May God help me not to forsake my responsibility. May His word burn in us where we cannot shut up and not give forth His word. Be on fire for God. He gave you her. Wash her with the word.
Wash her with the word. And may God be merciful to you. If you refuse this responsibility, May God be merciful to you. if you refuse this duty. Your job is to sacrificially love her by discipling her.
And one way you do that is by directly applying God's promises to her in times of need. Is your wife anxious? Is your wife tired from chasing kids all day? When she's anxious or tired, remind her of 1 Peter 5, 7. Cast all your anxieties upon him, my beloved wife.
Because he cares. for you. He cares for you as you chased kids around. He cares for you as you have postpartum depression. He cares for you as you were not pleased with maybe where your body is after that child was born.
He cares for you as you were anxious about how the kids are going to be raised or how you're going to homeschool or where to send them to school. He cares for you, beloved. Just remember to take it to the Lord. He cares for you. When she's struggling with the loss of a parent, the loss of a friend, remind her of Psalm 34:18.
The Lord is near to the brokenhearted my wife. And he saves those. who were crushed. in their spirit.
Now I'm not saying that you need to robotically gunsling verses at her. Right? You're not carrying a six-shooter of the scriptures, and anytime she makes a complaint, you're just quick shooting at her. You know, when the minister of the word to her, bring them before her. You need to know her well enough and know the word well enough to where you can faithfully minister to her, which begs the question: how well do you know her?
How well do you know her? In, I think it's Ray Bradbury's book, Fahrenheit 451, he mourns the death of his wife. And she is infatuated with screens is a very prophetical book. She is infatuated with the screens because they're her family. And when she dies, He mourns because he says, I had no clue who she was.
And I feel guilty that I can't mourn her because I have no clue. who she was. Do you know who your wife is? And that takes us to our final point, which is If we are going to love her like Christ loves the church, then we must finally delight in her. We must delight.
Yin her. There's a story about a farmer out west who climbed into bed one night while a storm was raging. And while they were sleeping, a tornado came and sucked the roof off the house. and the funnel sucked their bat up in the air with them in it, And he looks over to see his wife crying and he says to her, there's no sense in crying now. And she says, Honey, I can't help it.
These are tears of joy. This is the first time in years we've been out of the house together. And I love that story. And as comedic as it is, the sad reality is that for many of us, it would take such a cataclysmic event for any of us to prioritize time with our wives. Yet Paul, having explored the love of Christ for the church, now commands you, you love her as you care for your own body.
And he's going to put three prongs on this argument here. First, he wants you to see the closeness of this covenant in verse 28. Husbands ought. This is your duty. You ought to love your own wife as you do your own body.
He who loves his wife loves himself. In essence, Paul says the beauty of marriage. is that we are no longer two people. It's not Hunter and Reagan anymore. It's just Hunter Reagan, or Hunter Reagan.
We're just intertwined. We're the same. It's not me and her. She is me. And I am her.
All that I have belongs to her. I belong to her. And she belongs to me. In essence, the beauty of marriage is that we are one person now. She's not just a pretty friend or a roommate that I care for, she's me.
She's me. The second thing he wants us to see is that caring for her is to be as natural as caring for yourself. For, excuse me, verse 29, for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church.
So not only does he want us to see the closeness of our marriage covenant, But he wants us to see that this is natural as taking care of yourself. Why? Because we're one now.
So, just as you drink when you're thirsty and you sleep when you're tired and you eat when you're hungry, so too should you care for your wife when she's in need. It's just instinctual. She's an extension of me. I'm gonna take care of her. Her need is my need now.
It's not, oh, I got to remind myself, it's just an instinct. Because we're one. Caring for her is as natural as caring for myself. And finally, he grounds this in Christ's affectionate care for his church. He says, just as Christ.
Uh loves the church. Uh let me find our text here. Verse 29, just as the Lord does the church, for we are members of his body.
Now, when we hear members, you're thinking, tend to think organizational, right? I'm a member of the booster club. I'm a member of whatever it may be. He's not referring to organizations. He's referring to organisms.
We're just the same body. We're the hands and feet of Christ. And in the home, it's the same sense. We are the members of Christ's body, of his flesh, and of his bones. And so this is grounded in the care that Jesus has for us.
We are so closely bound to Jesus that He cares for us as though He were caring for His own body. Jesus cares for you. like he cares for his own body.
So does Jesus hear us when we cry? Absolutely he does, and he enters into it and sympathizes with us. Does he fix his attention on us in our time of need? Absolutely, he does. as much as if it was our own problem.
There was a song we used to sing back home. Not completely content with its wording.
Well, one statement it says there is if it matters to you. It matters to your master.
Now, that that needs some qualifiers. But for a great deal of sense in this broken world, when we mourn and when we grieve and when we suffer, indeed, when it if it matters to us, it matters to the Lord. He is attentive to us and he cares for us. Do you remember it? Saint Stephen.
Preaching the word in the book of Acts. Being Martyred. And he looks up and he sees the Lord of glory. And Jesus says, Go, hey, Stephen, give me a second, man. There's something going on elsewhere.
I'll be back to you in a minute. Just give me a second. No. Jesus looks upon Stephen. Stands up to receive Stephen, intercedes actively on Stephen's behalf before the Father, praying that Stephen might be strengthened unto death, and welcomes Stephen home to himself.
The Lord is aware of your concerns, he is presently attentive to your concerns. Jesus is attentive and caring, and Paul says, that's how you need to be with your wife. That's how you need to be with your wife.
Now looking back at verse 29, Paul says you need to nourish. You need to nourish her.
Some would translate that as provide food for her. I'm not content with that because it only sounds physical. It's not only physical. Our job as husbands is we are providers not only of physical means, we are providers of spiritual nourishment as well. We are a provider of spiritual nourishment as well.
It means to provide for her in all ways. And he says, cherish her. I love that word, cherish her. It means to warm her. to comfort her, to cradle her in your arms, or perhaps my favorite, to inflame.
To inflame.
So my last question for us today, brothers, is this. Do you seek to inflame the love of your wife by sacrificially loving her first? This text does not anywhere command your wife to love you. But it's almost as though we are fountains pouring forth the love of Christ to our wives. And it begins to be reciprocal.
It begins to be reciprocal. Are you are you kind to your wife? Do you take time to communicate with her because you know how important it is to finally have a conversation with someone who's not a toddler? Do you take time to comment on how attractive she is to you? Or do you just complain about how you wish she looked like she did when she was younger, or, God forbid, looked like someone else?
This is not how the Lord is with his church, brother. Think with me as the song of Solomon in chapter 4, verse 7. The Song of Solomon, I am thoroughly convinced, is an image of the affections of Christ for his church. as displayed in the marriage. Look what he says about his church.
You are altogether beautiful, my darling. And there is no flaw. And yeah. In that book I mentioned earlier, Domestical Duties, he talks about husbands who are married to wives who maybe have some glowing flaw. And he says, You make it your duty to so love her that she is convinced that at least in your eyes, she is the most beautiful woman.
that God has placed. upon the earth. Do you delight in your wife? Do you rejoice in your wife? As you age together and as her body changes after you have children, do you rejoice in saying that is evidence of the love that we have had together?
The stretch marks, or the graying hairs, or the wrinkles. It's just a testimony to how much we have gone through together. Do you glory in the life that God has given you and the wife that God has given you? Do you delight in you? in her.
Do you take time to show appreciation for the things that she does for you? Do you celebrate her for her warm cooked meals, for her washing of your laundry, for her gentle and meek spirit? Do you take note of what she enjoys? Brother, if your wife enjoys a nice coffee out or she enjoys a nice meal and you can afford it, guess what you have now? You have a line item in your budget.
It's called the Making my wife happy budget. Because if she likes eating out and if she likes drinking coffee, then Hunter likes eating out and drinking coffee. I like what she likes. Because I love her. Because I love her.
Don't be grudge that. Love the mercy, love her. and love the things that she likes. Show her that she's your priority. Why?
Because you long to show her that she is altogether lovely. And you long to model not only to her, But to your children and to a watching world. Beloved, this is how Jesus feels about. His church. And how you deal, we'll see in the next two weeks, and how you deal with your children, you're modeling the father's care of us.
But in how you treat your wife, you are modeling the love of Christ for his bride. The love of Christ for his bride. Can our children look at us and when they get older, when they see that Paul is trying to say think about marriage and see the gospel in it, can our children reflect upon our home and say, Man, if Jesus loves me, Like dad loved mom. And he loves me more than dad loved mom. What wondrous love is this All my soul I hope that our children can say that of us.
Martin Luther said, I would not want to exchange my Katie for France. Or for Venice? for all the world. To begin with, because God has given her to me. and has given me to her.
Brothers, everything. Paul has commanded you to do this morning. is impossible. outside. of the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ.
It's all impossible. You cannot die to self by your own willpower. You cannot disciple her without the Spirit. You cannot genuinely delight to her when your heart is hardened by sin. Every one of us in this room has failed at this, but don't let that mean that you think you can weasel out of this command.
We have been called To love her. But every one of us has been harsh when we should have been gentle. We have been absent when we should have been present. We have been silent when we should have opened the word before her. Our wives should not have to.
badger us into being spiritual leaders. Did you hear me? She should not have to badger you into saying, Honey, have you set your alarm to get up for church in the morning? Honey, have you laid out your suit for in the morning? Honey, are we going to church in the morning?
Honey, are we going to pray tonight as a family? She should assume that she can completely rely that you will nourish the home and lead it because it's your job. It's your job. She should not have to badger you. into being.
the spiritual leader. We have been called to serve the good of our home. but have often used that home to serve our selfish pride and for that We will answer. to the Lord. But thankfully, there is a faithful husbandman in our Lord Jesus.
He has been faithful where we have failed, and he has come to atone for sinners like us. That same Christ, beloved, that is calling every man, every husband to love your wife is the same Christ that has died for us and the same Christ that has sanctified and is sanctifying all of us who are his own. That same Christ has called you to shepherd your home. And that same Christ is the same Christ that is shepherding your soul too, beloved brother. And as you embrace this role and recognize this role as spiritual provider, he is going to use that to provide for you spiritually as well.
And so, as you leave here today, pray for strength. To lead her in a way that models Christ's likeness. knowing that the glory of the gospel is declared in the redeemed household. And may our church be full of homes. They're like little churches magnifying the gospel.
day in. and day out. May God give us the desire. of our heart. And may we embrace this duty.
and command from his word as we look to Christ. or sufficiency. Let's go to the Lord in a word of prayer. Mm-mm. Most kind and gracious Father, We are thankful.
that Paul has set before us a great mystery. That even before the fall of man, there was the gospel already proclaimed in the garden. And he tells us that the mystery is that a husband will leave his wife. And cleave, submit himself, or leave his parents, and cleave to his wife. He's taught us that this is the picture.
of the love of Christ. For his church, that he has cleaved to us and taken us so to himself that we are as his own body. And we being husbands, redeemed husbands, husbands that long to honor you. May we rejoice in this command, knowing that your commandments are not burdensome. May our wives, as it were, Lord, be able to stand before you on the final day and to praise you for the gift of their husbands who have washed them with the word and done so.
with the spirit. May we bless our wives as we seek to fulfill this by the empowering of your Spirit. And may our headship be uh characterized by Christ-centered Love. And we will thank you for this as it's displayed in our homes by your grace. In Jesus' name.
Amen.
