Young Men Are to Biblically Sensible, p.2

Let's go back to Titus, the pastoral epistle where the Apostle Paul has left a younger associate named Titus on the island of Crete. Crete was a wild and woolly place, a tough place to pastor a church, and tongue-in-cheek sometimes, I guess it's humorous, but humorous in a way to think that Titus probably, when he got this assignment from the Apostle Paul, thought, Paul are you sure about this?

This is not an easy assignment. This is some rough and rugged and worldly and ungodly culture, cultural people, and evidently a lot of the worldly, unsound, non-Biblically sensible thinking and practice had gotten over in the churches. And so Paul writes, and we see it there in verse 5 of chapter 1, for this reason I left you in Crete that you would set in order what remains and appoint elders in every city as I directed you. The idea of setting in order is the idea of straighten things out. I like that, that kind of reminds me of my boyhood, I'll straighten you out.

You ever heard that from your parents? Well in a sense that's what, well in a very real sense, that's what Titus is doing. He's going to these individual congregations on the island of Crete and straightening things out that are out of whack according to the Word of God, the truth of God. Now I've been in chapter 2 and isn't it quite interesting as Titus is straightening things out, Paul writes to him that one of the main areas is marriage and the home situation. You got to get the marriages back on good solid biblical grounds, get the family relationships back solid, older men, older ladies, younger ladies, and now we come to younger men. And if you would look at there in Titus chapter 2 and we are looking at verse 6 where he simply says at this point, likewise urge the young men to be sensible. I thought about this and I've been praying about this and jotting down notes over these weeks about young men and I thought, you know I've spent a lot more of my energy exhorting my daughters who are all adults now and married about their job and their roles as wives, young mothers, young wives, and I really haven't done hardly any exhortation, well a little but not much comparatively speaking, to challenge or charge young men as to their duties and their responsibilities.

So I'm making up for some of that, all right? We're gonna look at some of these things and after all I was a young man at one time, which means I was stupid at one time too. I say that because young guys are kind of prone to that.

We're we're full of a lot of vigor and hormones and energy, we don't need a lot of rest and a couple pairs of blue jeans and a couple shirts and we're okay you know, you just kind of live that way and boom you fall in love with somebody or you commit to love somebody I should say, you really can't fall into love. You commit to love and the feeling comes and goes and here and around but you commit to love and and then all of a sudden for young men in particular things radically begin to change and so that's the context I think of what Paul is saying to Titus. Now Titus helped these young guys get sensible in their thinking and in their practice. Now Paul really likes this word sensible. For example in Titus 2 2 he says the older men are to be sensible, same Greek word. In Titus 2 5 he says that the older ladies are to help the younger ladies to be sensible and pure and workers at home and now in our text Titus 2 6 younger men are to be sensible and then down in verse 12 of his giving a summary for all of us he says once again instructing us to deny godliness and worldly desires and to live sensibly. Same word four times and what I said in the introduction last time about this was what he's talking about biblical sensibility. Now you and I live in a wicked pagan culture ungodly culture that would tell us oh this is sensible to embrace this viewpoint.

Oh it's sensible now times have changed to be open to this viewpoint or this way of life and we have all of these bizarre and perverse things that are and they're calling sensible. That's not what Paul's talking about. He's talking about go back to our creators constructs that our creator God created men a certain way he created women a certain way then he created men to be fathers and he created men to be husbands and there are aspects to that that's what I mean by construct many parts to make one whole and then in women he made women to be mothers and he made women to be wives and women to be homemakers there's various components to that and what he means by being biblically sensible is go back to God the Creator's truth concerning your role and the roles of the home the marriage the household.

Be sensible by going back to God's wisdom and quit being carried away by the pagan ungodly thinking and wisdom of Crete. Now just blitzing through as a review first of all we said young men should be sensible by balancing strength and self-control that was Roman number one strength and self-control and I really love the word meek because that's what meekness means meekness is not weakness meekness means you're strong you're powerful and I do like Jordan Peterson's word you're even dangerous. Good men and godly men ought to be dangerous but meekness means they're they have self-control they do not use their power unless it's righteous to do so. Amen?

I love that. So meek men are not weak men they're strong men but in effect they keep their short swords sheathed until it's right to use the sword. Well young men are in that journey of learning just what does that look like and it takes some time so if our young guys make some blunders from time to time and like the Apostle Peter pull out a sword and cut Malchus ear off that's kind of forgivable because they're young but they need to be learning to be sensible about the power they have in that young body and heart and mind and keep it biblically managed biblically utilized be sensible about a young man's strength and balance that strength with good and godly self-control which obviously is a fruit of the Spirit. All right secondly in our outline be sensible about the nature and need of work young men and boy do we not need that in the present culture when a stronger or higher percentage of young men of employment age are on the sidelines and drawing handouts and checks from the government you need to understand work is not a necessary evil work is a blessing from God young men need the discipline of hard work Charles Haddon Spurgeon says to pastors if you'll keep your nose to the grind in the first half or so of your ministry you will not have such a grind in the latter third of your ministry I found that to be very true but that's generally true for men in general guys you're gonna build a business you're gonna start something new you want to climb the corporate ladder whatever it is I love for our young men to be successful it thrills me I hope every one of you are millionaires but you've got to learn that pattern that it's not just the money it's not just providing for my family that's a core component is that work is good for me the nature the nature in need of work now thirdly the nature and need be sensible about the nature and need of your wife the nature and needs of your wife and this is something young men have to wrestle with and struggle with how many of you have been married don't raise your hand how many of you been married less than 10 years and you've come to realize boy she's very different than me we'd got and I here's what I say long live the difference praise God that he made us very different is it not the most asinine ludicrous idiotic thought that men and women are the same I mean it's just like again it just boggles my mind to even try to think that I have to say that that they're not the same it's a beautiful glorious design construct if you will of our Creator to make men one way and women one way and put us together and the Bible says by the way when men and women come together we're both fallen selfish sinners and Paul writes and you will have trouble in this life there's always some trouble in a marriage relationship but young guys have to learn how different is my wife and how do I understand her how do I minister to her she has the need mostly of security and secondly I would say she needs thoughtfulness slash romance and if you'll do that if you'll make sure your wife notes baby I've got this thing you're gonna be taking care of no matter what it takes I'm taking care of you security and I want to know about your heart your feelings your fears I want to be thoughtful and you say why'd you tag romance on there you get thoughtfulness right romance takes care of itself and now ladies you can say men right there thoughtfulness gets right everything else seems to fall in place that's all review let's go to Roman numeral four now and we want to talk about number four young men need to be sensible about the nature and needs of your children and that's another learning curve that we young men I say we I'm not young anymore but I was at one time we begin to learn what is our role and what is the nature and needs of our children here's the way I outline it number one a love them love them you know babies are so easy to love but sometimes that love is just an emotional thing and it's hard to take that love into shoe leather and actually do the stuff it's easy to feel that emotion for a baby but it's hard to do all the things that a baby needs sometimes two sub points under love them is number one take responsibility for them it's very important young men that your children know daddy is responsible for you daddy is going to take care of you daddy is going to say that things are all right this concept today and we see it so graphically particularly in minority communities of fatherless households brothers and sisters if we could get the home right 98% of our troubles in this country would go away loving faithful strong responsible fathers and godly nurturing committed to their husbands their children and their homes wives if we had that going on because what you're seeing in America today is a lot of young adults who are hurting and bitter because their home life was a shamble they didn't feel secure they didn't feel loved they didn't feel important they were a tag on they were tag on to what mom and dad want to do out in the world and it affects their heart and they're hurting and embittered and they strike back by doing with all of these rebellious and perverse things so take responsibility secondly not only take responsibility but spend time with them you just got a market out in your heart and mind young men that I'm gonna mark out quality time to make sure I spend that time with my babies I I would have to say that I probably didn't do a good job my daughters were very gracious toward me and and didn't openly rebel or anything but I don't know that with the weightiness of all that I was undertaking and all the ambition I had about ministry that I I did that like I ought to but I did have one rule that I think the Lord honored when I was a brand-new pastor I was reading dr. W a crystal's guidebook for pastors dr. crystal was the premier exposer among Baptists for several decades first Baptist Church Dallas Texas was his pulpit and dr. crystal said if at all possible build your study at home and do your studying at home he said it was death to me to try to study at the church because people are always wanting your attention just ask you one question it's hard to stay on track with your studies and you allowed me to do that and I've had a study at my home for these 40 years or so and but I had a rule anytime one of my girls wanted to come in and talk with me I put my books down I put them in my lap and I'd spend time with them and so they knew the deacons can't get him his secretary can't get him the other elders can't get him he's put himself away to study but if I go in there I can get his attention now not not a great track record probably overall for me but there are things guys we need to do as young men to let our children know we're responsible for you and we want to spend time with you be not just love them in that way but also discipline them because you love them father should be faithful in the discipline of their children young men need to learn this Hebrews 12 6 reminds us for whom the Lord loves he disciplines and he punishes every son whom he accepts Proverbs 13 24 he who withholds his rod hates his son but he who loves him disciplines him diligently now I would say here being sensible about discipline means we want to be balanced will we discipline I tried to make it a pattern and it was my pattern that when I discipline my girls we would have a prayer time together and I'd always articulate in that prayer time that daddy was a sinner too and daddy makes mistakes too and daddy needs correction too but it was my responsibility under God to correct them that's a balance young men that your sons and daughters need to see in you a balance that you know you two are learning and growing but you have responsibility to discipline and correct them pray about your own weaknesses and struggles I don't mean particular things but the principle that you two are a sinner who need a Savior there should be a time here and there when you look at your child and young men you learn to say you know what daddy was wrong there daddy lost his temper will you forgive me you know daddy needs a Savior to let them see the balance the firmness of your discipline but the reality of your own what with God and need for disciplines and corrections if he's in 6-4 reminds us fathers do not provoke your children to anger but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord but notice that first phrase do not provoke them to anger here's what I'd say if you've got a harsh authoritarian tone and you're not good to discipline yourself to commend and compliment and encourage your children then your corrective discipline is going to provoke them to anger you're gonna build a rebel and so as a figure of speech I charge you keep up with it if you need to try to give them ten pats on the back of affirmation and encouragement for every one pat on the behind for correction and discipline that's being sensible and not provoking them to anger another thought here that I would remind you of especially of a young man as you're thinking about honoring your wife is that never allow a child to disrespect their mother let that child know if you smart off to mom if you disrespect her back top mom you're getting my attention you'll be hearing from me rather quickly they need to see that and generally you know if a child breaks a family rule whichever parent is present they should correct that child but if a child questions the authority of the parents to make the rules then dad needs to step in and say let me tell you something God's given us this stewardship God's given us this responsibility and you're gonna submit to our authority don't put that on mom dads they question the right to make the rules you should step in there see in my outline not just love them not just discipline them because you love them but be a good example for them be a good example and this is really challenging isn't it brothers because we know we fail a lot but you can always ask the Lord's forgiveness you can always go again there's always a grace now some sub points under being a good example of them number one be a good example by putting them third be a good example your children should know I'm not number one to daddy I'm not number two but I am number three the Lord's number one and mama must be queen of the universe because she's number two and I'm number three can get amen there guys make sure you're setting that example in your home and the way you say it and not in a preachy harsh way but just in the tone of the way you live your life I heard just recently uh he's actually an african-american guy and he was a very gifted athlete and his dad was a pastor and he said you know when I was a teenager and going into high school and I was involved in a lot of athletics my daddy set me down and said son I want you understand something then he loves you and I'm gonna be here for most of your games most of the tournaments you play in but there will be times when I will have to miss because God's called me to preach and I'll not be here because the Lord's first but I won't miss many of them and that young man said you know that stuck with me all these years that to my daddy the Lord was first I knew he loved me with all of his heart but I was second or in my illustration here actually third in his heart because the Lord and mom first and second it really matters that we are putting them third how many children grew up today thinking they're the center of the universe why are you doing that mom why are you doing that dad point them to Christ he's the center of the universe and they'll love you for that well set a good example not only of putting them third but set an example of being faithful to the church young men should begin to show their children how how that church is not a service you attend church is a family to which you belong and their duties to that and there are ministries to that their obligations to that and let them know that you go to your small group and you're concerned about your brothers or your sisters and your small group your children need to hear you talk about that caring for someone maybe giving a financial gift to someone in the small group who's having a hard time whatever it might be be a good example of faithfulness to your church and I cannot think of anything more important than you taking the sermon home with you young men and in front of your children in front of your wife saying you know what God showed me something today I've got to change my thinking on this I've got to repent on this point and do better on this point your children end up my daddy is serious about the preached Word of God are you listening to moms and dads the one thing Satan can do to destroy your family and destroy your children particularly is get them to cast doubt on the importance of the Word of God and the preaching of the Word of God they need to see in your heart I'm going to church not just to attend to service I want to learn something if need be repent of something and keep striving to be a better man of God be a good example taking the sermon home speaking of how it reproves you and helps you and helps you to grow it's really very important that we modeled these things there was an occasion when one of my girls was having a tough time with some people who were not in agreement with her convictions about things and one of her teachers said to her said you know I I've been watching what's happening to you and you're being shunned by your classmates but you seem to be doing well with it and the teacher called Pam and I and told us this and my daughter said to that teacher I've watched my daddy suffer for doing what's right and I can too your example matters indelibly print something into their hearts well thirdly be a good example not only of putting them third be a good example of being faithful to church be a good example in character traits and in virtue whether it be a loyalty issue or a perseverance through a hard time or just a self discipline that life needs or a kindness when maybe person wouldn't normally be kind a forgiveness of someone when others might not forgive a thoughtfulness and honesty yeah I vividly remember it's amazing how things stick with you as a child you take them off of your life I remember this so clearly my dad was a good man I don't know that he was a believer but he was a good man and and we were leaving a drug store once and I think I had been to the doctor and got a prescription and we got out to the car and he just sat behind the wheel of the car and he just thought for a minute he pulled out his billfold he looked in his billfold he said you know what these brand-new $1 bills stick together and I'm almost certain they gave me $2 back instead of $1 back I owe them $1 and my daddy got out of the car went in the drugstore gave the lady the cash register doctor dollar and came back in now I think that meant something to him personally but it meant something for him to do that in front of me honesty honesty be a good example of those kind of character traits and those kind of virtues well D under no be sensible about the nature and needs of your children give them instruction and I think Deuteronomy 6 gives us such a powerful picture of the spirit and the type of instruction Deuteronomy 6 6 and these words which I command you today shall be in your heart in your heart young men then you shall teach them diligently to your children now how do you do that you form a home seminary classroom don't do that don't make it formal and cold make it lifestyle and real make your teaching at home lifestyle and real that's when I talk about a home life discipleship I just say it needs to be real at home not perfect but real at home so here's how he says to do it verse 7 Deuteronomy 6 you shall teach them diligently to your children you shall talk of them when you sit in your house when you walk by the way when you lie down when you rise up so that gives you the reality of lifestyle to shop discipleship that's something that we really tried to do in my home as we would live our lives and we would see things of all things you know some of the worst lying you'll ever see is on the Andy Griffith Show have you noticed that now we love the Andy Griffith Show now I'm not saying you to go home and if it comes on scream and put your hands of yours and run out of the room I don't mean that we still watch it but it gives you an occasion to say you know there's so many good traits and values and character issues in the show but he was dishonest there and we shouldn't be like that you know the scripture tells us to find those living examples don't be overbearing about it don't do every single one but as a pattern of living your life bring the truth of God's Word to bear on it make it real make it real well II under this would be a whole sermon by itself couldn't that's what happens when I post upon preaching a sermon I keep thinking about it about the nature needs of your children II shield your family your children from manly stresses shield them from manly stretches stresses this will help instill a security and a peace and a calm in your children and in this case your wife also there's some trials men that you must handle alone there's some stresses some anxieties some fears that you just don't bring home you bear them nobly I mean if you're bringing home every burden you have and everything that troubles you or causes anxiety at home your art work rather you're bringing into the home then you're gonna traumatize your children and it's upsetting to your wife so so now look I know there's a balance here and different situations have different degrees of what you ought not not to bring home but um there's some things you need to shield the family from and they need to know that daddy just said it's gonna be fine I'll take care of this it's gonna be fine manly stresses should be kept with me and now in balance brothers God did not ordain for you to carry those stresses alone that's why you're in a men's small group they're brothers you can call and by the way brothers you can weep to I've been in my office more than one time with some of the most powerful men in the shoals who broke down just weeping like a baby in front of me and I was glad they could do that the guy could reach my heart out and pray with them and comfort them but I can almost guarantee they didn't do that in front of their wives so we need to one another so have some brothers you can bounce things off of and that's that's the problem with some of you're too proud to talk to other brothers have some brothers you can share with and say pray with me quite honestly I'm afraid right here that's okay brother we're all afraid at times let's pray about it here's what the word says let's hold each other accountable here and in doing so you're not bringing everything home to be a traumatic thing for mama and the children I don't know if I've ever heard anybody say that before but I think that's an important principle of manliness and young men learning to be the man of the household number five Roman numeral five be sensible about sexual pleasure and marital commitment then you're gonna have to be very intentional here you are being absolutely living under a deluge a bombardment of vicious lies about human sexuality this whole concept that you can separate sexual pleasure from marital commitment is an absolute lie it's not ordained of God to work that way and our culture is inundating us with that lie and young men in particular have to work on their thought processes so this social climate projects this vicious lie that sex can be indulged in without the commitment of marriage just something you just do and go on with yes but here's what happens when you live that way when you indulge in immoralities apart from a marital covenant you put yourself beneath human dignity your God made you special and you're not to function like an alley cat it's beneath human dignity it's demeaning it's actually an extortion of the person you're having relations with how beneath human dignity how ignoble it is how how debased it is to tell a person let's just live together and let's enjoy sexuality and we'll just live it up and by the way if something better comes along I'll just trade you in and trade up to a better model that's not human dignity that's not honoring someone made in the image of God that's trash it's wrong young men as all of us in this age talk truth to yourself glory and the wonders of God given sexual pleasures but glory in the wisdom of God that he put it with the Covenant commitment of marriage and what a fight to keep this a pastor I failed there a lot of people have you know what I have to say to you there's forgiveness in Jesus Christ you keep fighting you keep repenting you keep going back to the truth don't don't succumb to the temptation of well I guess we just need to think about this differently when you have a union with someone sexually you leave a part of your soul with them forever that's why God didn't want to try and people on and sexual pleasures like they're a garment we can just try on and discard it's damaging to the soul it's a form of extortion it's beneath human dignity so young men need to learn to battle out the temptations here at the level of thinking fight it in your mind repent in your mind and don't think you can want only and openly embrace the immoralities of our culture the pornography that's everywhere and at the same time it not takes hold in your life and produce some fruit in your life that dishonors God damages your own life and damages your relationships so young men need to be sensible about the God ordained construct of the joyous pleasures of sexual intimacy combined with the robust commitment of a marriage covenant well let's see number six you guys doing okay number six young men need to be sensible about your need for submission to authority and for a mentor some of you meant young men and we have some of the sharpest young men I've ever seen and I thank God for them but you still need to be under authority you still need a mentor and when you run up against brother Steve or brother Matt or brother Tim or brother Jeff anywhere and everywhere you know what it should be yes sir no sir why are we worthy no you're honoring authority when you walk up to older men in the church they ought to be as an air of respect and authority I've told you before and someone else told me about this we it was years ago at one of our true church conferences down here toward the front there were five or six older pastors talking together and about a 20 year old preacher boy came up and jumped right in the middle of the conversation like he was one of them and I don't think it bothered the older guys but another older pastor came up and got that boy by the shoulder and pulled him back and said son you don't know your place you don't just go barge in the older men's conversation you wait till you're invited in well maybe we won't handle every situation exactly like that but it's the principle of honoring authority and looking to a mentor I've told you before how valuable it was to me that dr. John MacArthur gave me some personal time in the early years of my ministry I couldn't find much encouragement anywhere and he was gracious enough to talk to me and counsel me and encouraged me and it it meant so much to me I remember flying home from California thinking maybe I'm not crazy maybe we are on a good track after all John MacArthur is perfect on everything I think I don't know I mean you got a study Bob you have to believe everything in it don't you very very few things I would disagree with him on a few but not nothing substantial but I needed that mentor number seven young men need to be sensible about quote free time in the quote now put the word free time in quotes because you ain't got none anymore you thought you had some but you got married you got any more yeah then you have child you really ain't got none anymore and you need to be sensible about the reality that it's so different you know college guys you know we rage kids today to just be an adolescent to the 30 or 35 and and and and then they they stumble into this thing of a marriage covenant and dog goodness it's just things change I mean there's a single guy you could golf and play softball and bass fishing deer hunting whatever and it was all good but when you get married all those things begin to change time management is a very important element and this little statement I'm going to make is one of the most I think it's one of the most valuable things I've ever heard practically speaking about what to work on in the marriage relationship it kind of ties in here not real close but it kind of ties in here so I'm gonna say it here and that is the statement that I heard that young married couples need to work on getting the mundane things right the mundane just the everyday stuff in other words have a have a really thought through plan about what it's gonna look like when your husband comes home from work make that special think about what it really looks like when your husband sits down for breakfast with you and guys how you do special things for your wife just the everyday mundane things get those right work at those being special and learn your spouse and find out what what makes it you know very often and Pam and I were listening to a radio broadcast counselor person and and and the counselor person said you know men are so simple just so simple why should they just do two or three little things men be happy as they could be the mundane things well that wasn't really an outline that was free that's an extra one number eight young men need to learn to be sensible about honoring their wives young men need to be sensible about honoring your wife you know the Bible says when you're when you're married you become one flesh you're no longer two people so me and everything you do your wife goes with you I don't mean literally physically I mean but you're a married man now everything you're no longer who you were you're now a part of a marriage relationship she's a part of the totality of everything you're a part of and you need to be sensible and understand that Proverbs 31 gives us some really keen insights on this in Proverbs 31 23 the text says her husband is known in the gates interesting this is about the godly woman but it says one of the fruits if you will of her domestic godliness and faithfulness is that her husband is successful in the world he's known in the gates now the gates is where the leading men of the city would meet to lead the city and engage in commerce and the Proverbs 31 woman it is shown here was a key to her husband's public advancement guys she's a part of everything you are everything you achieve so he was respected and honored because to a great degree he had a faithful wife at home she provides the key to his professional advancement Proverbs 31 verses 28 and 29 add to this by saying her children rise up and bless her and her husband also rises up to bless her he praises her saying many daughters have done nobly but you excel them all he brings a public honor and acknowledgement because she is key to his public success brothers do we think that way we need to think that way now Colossians 3 19 exhorts husbands to love your wives and do not be embittered against them love your wives literally the idea is stop being embittered against them and I think the idea is every single husband can find some reasons why he's disappointed in his wife and he's not careful if he does not choose not to he can become bitter about it and if you become bitter about it a stronghold develops in your heart and mind and thinking and it drives deep wedges of contention and unhappiness in your heart and in your marriage so husbands love your wives and do not be embittered against them literally means you have a choice men just don't do it here I've got a I've got a good biblical Greek word for you about being embittered against your wives are you ready stop it quit don't do it well but she's not this and she's not that does she wash your underwear that counts for something try to focus on what she is trying to get right and quit being so caught full of yourself make sure you are sensible about honoring your wife and when you are when you are known as one who out in the public realm get some sort of esteem or commendation and don't be fake and just recorded about it but generally speaking you give honor to your wife for her faithfulness and goodness in your home and to you then you'll have a wife who would do anything to serve you and bless you well those are your pastors gleanings so far on young men being biblically sensible