Do you have a desire to deepen your faith, better understand Christian apologetics, or to get a biblical perspective on current events? Well, I've tried to make it simple for you to do just that. On my website, AlexMcFarland.com, there's a new section called Ask Alex Online.
It's simple, it's clean, and you can read my answers to common questions about God, faith, and the Bible. So visit the website, AlexMcFarland.com, and look for the section that says Ask Alex Online. The spiritual condition of America, politics, culture, and current events analyzed through the lens of Scripture. Welcome to The Alex McFarland Show. Proverbs 24 verse 3 says, By wisdom a house is built.
Hi, Alex McFarland here, and welcome to the program. Today we're going to be talking about just one of the most important issues that I could possibly imagine, and that is the state of America's families and the state of America's marriages. And you know, when Proverbs 24 verse 3 talks about a house being built by wisdom, it's talking about by God's revealed truth. And I can tell you, having been in youth ministry for 30 years, and every summer we do our seven youth camps, 1200 teenagers from across America, I can always tell emotionally, psychologically, intellectually, and certainly spiritually, the state of a young person is directly correlated to the home life, to the family. And I care so deeply about the family. I said this just yesterday at a speaking event. If you want to contribute to the fulfillment of the Great Commission, plus save America, become a champion for family. We're here to talk with us about this important subject, the state of our homes, the state of our marriages, and how to build a strong marriage.
I'm so excited. I just met these people and I feel like they're old friends already. It's Gary and Barbie Rosberg. And their website is, get this, America's Family Coaches dot com, spelled just like it sounds, America's Family Coaches dot com. They've given their lives to serve in Christ and they've traveled the world on behalf of the family and they are just terrific. I'm so honored they're with us right now. Gary and Barbie, thank you for being with us today on the program. But most of all, thank you for what you're doing to enrich the lives of people the world over. I commend you and welcome. Thank you, Alex.
Well, Alex, and the same to you, my brother. And, you know, we've been set apart and there's a cost of that and the cost was paid at the cross. And our passion and love for Jesus Christ and being found faithful is the gold standard. I mean, that's what we're leaning into.
And we've got all sorts of speed bumps along the way and we come up short. But Barbie has stayed married to me. We're celebrating 50 years of marriage this June. Congratulations. And well, what I like to say is, is Barb's commitment is to stay married to me so I don't ruin another woman's life. And so she's taken one for the team. God bless you both. You know, I feel like my wife and I have been married now for 36 years. Yeah, and praise God. You know, she's got crowns in heaven for it. I've got to hear your story.
How did God lead you to where you are through the journey and to the point at this moment? Yeah. Well, how would you like to begin?
We'll start it with you. OK. Well, I love that. So Gary and I were married about maybe six or seven years. And he felt a strong calling to go back and work on his doctorate degree in counseling.
And so with that trek, it took everybody to be all in. Of course, we had two little girls and I truly I was your greatest cheerleader. But, you know, any marriage going through stress, the nature of the world, the demand on families, you were working full time. You were going to school full time.
And somehow he was teaching at college part time. I was at home with these beautiful two gifts from God. And I kept telling Gary, you know, we need to connect. We need to talk. We need to play together. We need to pray together.
And yet he was very, very focused on the doctorate and the goal of earning his doctorate. So one day, day after day, I would pray and I'd cry and pray and cry. One day I was I was praying and crying out to God. And then I thought I stopped praying. I was so discouraged. And I thought, why am I the only one working on this marriage? So what I did was I shut off my heart, flipped a switch, and I thought, you know what? I'm going to be obedient, love the man, but I'm not going to work any longer at this marriage.
Now, that's not what I call obedience. But in the meantime, I was withdrawing from our marriage. And like anything, it's like when a woman starts to withdraw, she can become a walkaway wife. And over time, a woman gets very weary.
And within they say the research is that if she stays in this place for six months or longer, potentially she'll quit trying, she'll quit talking, and then she can walk away. And Alex, during that time, I was preoccupied with studying and all this stuff. And our daughters, who are now in their 40s, but they were five and two at the time, and the five year old came to me and she said, Daddy, I've got a present for you. And she had a piece of paper rolled up into a scroll, had yellow yarn around it. And when she unraveled the picture, I said, tell me about your picture. She said, well, there's mommy. And there's Sarah, the little girl that drew it. There's Missy, the two year old sister.
And it had across the top our family best. And I said, well, where's your dad? And she said, you're at the library studying.
And yeah, exactly. And my professors couldn't get to me. My pastor couldn't get to me. My dad couldn't get to me. Barb couldn't get to me. But there's something about a five year old with pigtails and big brown eyes that when she declared that it was the wake up call I needed.
And so several weeks later, I approached Barb. She was in bed. I thought she was sleeping. She wasn't sleeping, but I was too much of a chicken to turn on the lights. And I said, are you asleep?
No. Why didn't you say something about that picture? She said that picture broke your heart. And I then said, can I come home to my family? And I said, Gary, I love you.
The girls love you, but nobody knows you. And that, quite honestly, Alex, sent us into our own personal journey to reclaim this thing called the covenant of marriage. And I had I had a degree. I'm opening a Christian counseling office.
You know, I'm doing all this jazz. But at the core, I was not even in my own family. So I served my way home.
So two years later, Missy, you know, who's now, I think, 43, drew a picture of our family and put me in it. And that is declarative of the restoration of our family. So for 40 plus years, as we've come alongside and loved on and served through the power of Christ, marriages and families and spoken hope into them, that hope is rooted not only the truth of Jesus Christ, but in my failure, but then reclamation of our own marriage and family. And so we tell guys, it takes a lot of time when you've gotten your eye off the ball, when you've drifted, when you've, you know, nobody wakes up and just jumps into sin.
They erode in those lives and then they separate. And so we speak from the brokenness of that, as well as believing that the truth of the scripture is what brings us home. Well, we've got to take a brief break. Folks, if you're just tuning in, Alex McFarland here, we're talking with Gary and Barbie Rosberg about rebuilding America's families, starting with America's marriages.
And if you think your marriage is near or past the breaking point, stay tuned, because I think you're going to get some hope and some great wisdom to implement in the restoration of your relationships at home. Stay tuned. We'll be back after this brief break. Fox News and CNN call Alex McFarland a religion and culture expert. Stay tuned for more of his teaching and commentary after this.
He's been called trusted, truthful and timely. Welcome back to The Alex McFarland Show. Welcome back to the program, Alex McFarland, you're so excited to be visiting with the Rosberg's around one of the most important topics, because, folks, you know, in 30 years of youth ministry counseling families, I give God the glory speaking in more than 2000 American churches. Thirty years ago, I probably would have assumed the answer to save America's families was theology and apologetics. And that's important.
I mean, we've given our life to publishing and teaching. But really, the world that the Lord has made and the families that God has called us to build, the marriages Jesus has entrusted to us. It's all about relationships.
And in John Chapter 13, the Lord Jesus said, By this will all men know that you're my disciples, if you have love one for another. Well, I can really think of no better sources of truth and wisdom on this than Gary and Barbie Rosberg. Before the break, they were talking about, Gary, when you were earning your Ph.D. and you were so focused on that as we men do. Guys do that. I mean, we get hyper focused on a task. And then the closest relationships we have are languishing, neglected. You saved your marriage.
And I know it was a joint project, but speak to the people out there. Resume your story. And then I know I can hear it almost the thousands of people listening that are asking, is my marriage too far gone?
Can our home be saved? Resume if you would. And thank you for giving time to help us in this. Yeah, well, Alex, I mean, it's a great question. And I believe that God in his sovereignty allowed Barbie and me to go through that so that we would not speak from an ivory tower or speak from, you know, psychology.
Certainly speak from literature or stuff that we've done in research or helping others. But we had to surrender. And Barbie had surrendered.
I hadn't. And so I learned by throwing up my arms and saying, I'm at the end of myself. God, meet me here.
Do the work that you need to do and start with me. And I served my way home. And that's why two years later, when Missy gave me that picture of our family, it was a proclamation of the restoration of a family. But it takes a lot of time, a lot of surrender, a lot of effort. And to answer your important question, there's not a marriage that's too far gone because God's all about reclamation and redemption.
Alex, close up, I had prayed for four years. I mean, day after day after day. And couples are living at fast paces today. And when you boxcar stress upon stress, passage upon passage, you're going to fall off the tracks.
That's the bottom line. And we fell off the tracks. It was the Holy Spirit of God. I watched it happen in your life.
And I have to tell you something. I was in awe of God. God got all the glory because when he did it, it was like you being struck by lightning.
And I'm on the outside going, am I prepared for what I prayed for? It was brokenness that shaped him. And the result was humility. Humility in the home will change the atmosphere.
There is a shift in every area. And what happened for me was this. When you were responding to God's Spirit with humility and the brokenness, that I knew I had to change because all of a sudden, all I could see, instead of blaming you and pointing the finger at you, I was examining my own hard heart, my own resistance, my own independence, instead of trusting Gary with interdependence. You mentioned something about were you prepared to live out what you had prayed for? And, you know, I know on our radio program, we've had like wives call and say, you know, I'm praying for my husband to get right with God. Or men ask the same thing. But here's the thing, speak to this, if you would, that when we lift our spouse up to God, we really need to let God define what change looks like.
And we also in our own heart, when God does get a hold of the life of another person, we need to allow God to get a hold of our lives as well. Am I right? Yes.
100%. We were talking to a woman yesterday at a service provision place, and Barb talked to her for a while and then I was talking to her. And she said, Gary, I don't know if I trust the change that I'm beginning to see in my husband. And I said, well, I probably wouldn't trust him either in the flesh with some of the hurt that you've had.
But let me ask you a question. Do you trust God? And if you trust God, can you trust God with the change that he's intending to make? And I think that's the question. We need to trust God.
We need to trust God that he can and will make a change. And Alex, what Barbie and I have seen for decades, just like you, of helping others, is that doesn't mean a 180 degree turn overnight. It means successive small moments of vector changes where a guy puts his best foot forward and then the woman does. And then the guy, then the woman, then the guy, then the woman. It's like you're squeezing your foot into a cowboy boot. You don't just jump into it. You slide into it.
You work your way into it. And it's the small moments that every man and woman listening to your great show, every man and woman have the capacity to do the small moments. But it's the culmination of the small moments where God begins to build the trust that we can effect change. And that change is possible. You know, a moment ago you were talking about when a woman begins to withdraw. Yeah.
And I believe you said if it's like six months or more, I mean, it's too late. Why do men not pick up on when this process is happening? Because he's a man. I mean, he's wired differently.
He is God's design. But that's why we need each other. I mean, women can identify what's happening within the home, the family, the relationships.
I mean, the emotional quotient of a woman is greater than the whole CIA, FBI and Secret Service. That is true. That is true.
It is true. And sometimes you need to hear the voice of a woman. Often a man who is entrusted with the biggest cheerleader of his whole life, who is his wife. That's me, baby. Yeah, baby.
I'm all in. And who's got the best in mind for him, who's got your back. For some reason, a man's not ready to hear the truth.
A man's not ready for many different reasons. And you could address that more. You know, it's the flesh.
I think the Greek word for we males, and listen, I say this as a guy, the Greek word is knucklehead. Well said. That'll breach. And at the same time, and I want to give this back to you, Alex. But truthfully, those years that I was in stress and anguish and isolation and depression at times, you think God wasn't using that to call me unto him? You think God wasn't using that for me to attach fully to the cross and to learn and become made in Christ's image. And for me to let go of the things I was carrying that were of no good for Jesus Christ. I think he was preparing me to be ready for the work he was going to do in you so that he could be glorified in our marriage, then our family, and then our community and beyond. We've got to take a break.
This is so rich. Folks, stay tuned. We're going to continue talking about really second only to salvation itself.
The second most important thing in your life, I assure you, is marriage and family. More about this when we come back. Stay tuned. Fox News and CNN call Alex McFarland a religion and culture expert.
Stay tuned for more of his teaching and commentary after this. In recent years, our nation has suffered greatly, and we seem to be on a rapid moral decline. We've rejected God, morality, and we've almost completely lost our sense of patriotism.
It's no wonder that many are asking the question, is this the end of America? Hi, Alex McFarland here, and I want to make you aware of my book, The Assault on America. How to defend our nation before it's too late.
You know, our nation has seen politicians that are corrupted by greed, and they've got a vested interest in power, and many of our elected officials seem to care little about the country that they've been appointed to serve. Read my book, The Assault on America. We can stand up for our great nation and defend America before it's too late.
It's available everywhere. You can learn more on my own website, which is AlexMcFarland.com. Read the book, The Assault on America. How to defend our nation before it's too late. He's been called trusted, truthful, and timely. Welcome back to The Alex McFarland Show.
We're back. And before we resume our conversation with the Rosbergs, I want to remind you, we have an incredible year coming up with Alex McFarland Ministries Truth for New Generation. Of course, our youth camps are well underway. People are already signing up. And the website for all of our youth camps, we're in Montana. We're in upstate New Jersey. We're in Virginia, all over America.
But it's equipretreat.org. And I would encourage you for the young people in your life to take a look at our summer biblical worldview camps. And then we've got our speaker series in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. We're bringing in Dinesh D'Souza, Dr. Gary Chapman of the Five Love Languages, the swimmer Riley Gaines, Charlie Kirk of Turning Point USA.
And so I'm on the road. Please go to AlexMcFarland.com and look at my tour schedule. And of course, I'll be at the Cove, the Billy Graham Training Center in western North Carolina in August. I'll be there with Jay Warner Wallace to teach apologetics. So much going on. And by the way, I want to say a big thank you to all of our prayer support and donors that enable us seven days a week, all year long, events, publishing, broadcasting, millions hearing the gospel.
We know last year over seventy five hundred people indicated a salvation decision for Christ. And folks, you are helping make that possible. So please consider partnering with us. And you can find out more about giving opportunities on the website, AlexMcFarland.com. Well, I want to resume our conversation, and this is just the first of a number of broadcasts that we have to do with the Rossbergs, because God is using them in such great ways to restore America's marriages.
Their website, AmericasFamilyCoaches.com. I want to say, guys, thanks for being with us. Before the break, we were talking about the signs that we men very often miss out on, but it's imperative.
I want to say this and I'll throw it to you guys. Folks, listen, the marriage God wants to work on is the one you're in. Amen.
Amen. I've talked to so many people that are destroying their lives, looking for greener pastures, believing that somehow God's plan is that they stray or, you know, there are a thousand ways to destroy a relationship. Guys, talk about the reality that if we are willing and if we do it God's way, marriages can be restored. Relationships can be salvaged.
Talk to us about this. Well, Alex, you're spot on. Some secular research indicated that couples that report being either unhappy or very unhappy, so the bottom two quadrants, that just stay, that they just stay, within three to five years report being either happy or very happy.
Praise God. Now, so if there's abuse, if there's serial adultery, there are reasons, you know, that couples will step away at least for a season in order to help lean towards a restoration. But some couples, and Alex, you know what, some guys out there just need to hear, just stay. Stay. Now, if you stay and then you take the truth of the Scripture, if you stay and you take the power of the Holy Spirit, if you stay and you take the body of Christ, if you stay and you allow surrender and confession and repentance to occur, think about how we can take that secular research and rocket for the cause of Christ. And kids in the next generation and grandkids, and we got 12 grandkids, they're watching us like a hawk that we remain faithful.
So the first thing I would say is stay. The second thing, when we would do live radio, Alex, and people would ask the very question you're asking, my wife walked away, I'm trying to rebuild my marriage. Barbie, you would every time ask the same question. Well, I'd ask, what did she tell you you needed a year ago? And for a moment, he would pause and then he'd say, well, she told me precisely what we needed. We needed date nights. We needed communication. We needed connection. We needed to be praying together. And the confession that would happen on the air was so powerful. So to join with you and your response, if a man, if a woman decide they want to follow God and they want to experience purity, they want to experience blamelessness, then they've got to have a place to take their sin, their mistakes, their faults, their betrayals.
And that's the place we begin by confessing to God out loud what we have done in hurting and betraying the other person. And so to your point in the first segment, Alex, is there hope? There's hope for every couple listening. I mean, I've done 25,000 hours of marriage therapy, and I want you to know I'm feeling much better, Alex, after that therapy.
And that's my only counseling joke. That's good. But I've sat with people, as you have and Barbie has, and there is hope.
Yeah. I mean, there is hope. And a lot of people are not telling your listeners or our listeners or whatever that there's hope. And that hope is not in psychology, not in, you know, Oprah or Dr. Phil or whatever the heck. That hope is the truth of the scripture and the hope of the blood of Jesus Christ and the hope of the power of the Holy Spirit. And that's why we need to surround ourselves with people, Alex, that aren't impressed with us, that don't tell us what we want to hear, but remind us that God is not done with us.
And I think that's our punch line for today. You've got great listeners. You've got great followers. God's not done.
And that's why they're following Alex McFarland, because you're pointing them to Christ and encouraging them. Yeah. I want to say this, especially to the guys, because when you're young, I mean, you've got plans. You've got this bucket list you want to achieve. And that's that's OK. But there is such a joy in serving. Now, one of the things I've learned and, you know, Angie and I, we had three parents that were a heavy, heavy responsibility financially and in many ways. And Lord knows, I'm not saying that I've really arrived at perfection here.
I'm a work in progress. But you learn to serve your spouse. And there is such joy in that. Plus, it matures us spiritually when we make it not about ourselves, but about sacrificially. This is what I say to God. We are to lay down our life for our bride, just like Jesus Christ laid down his life for his bride, the church.
One hundred percent. The core of our teaching since 2002 is rooted in Philippians two. And so we have identified six secrets and that's our our gold medallion winning book, six secrets to a lasting love.
We've identified six secrets in the way that Jesus loves us, Alex. And what we suggest is if you approximate that in your marriage. So if I love Barbie that way, you love your bride that way. And they with us in those six areas in the relationship passage of Philippians two, it's not a marriage passage that we can divorce proof and have a great marriage.
And the second one is serving. When Paul says, you know, it's to love one another with that humility and to put others before yourself. And that serving love is huge, Alex. And when we conclude that our life is not about us, it's about glorifying Christ and that Barbie is my greatest example that I get to come alongside in that sanctification process to help repair her for eternity with Christ. I'm fulfilling God's call upon me and she as well. And those are the things we love to coach and encourage families, just like you're doing the same. We often say this, folks lose at anything else, but win with your family. Gary and Barbie Rosberg helping couples everywhere do that.
Their website, America's Family Coaches dot com. We're almost out of time. You guys have a podcast, right? We do. What's the title? Where may we hear it? It's called The Rosbergs, Your Marriage Coaches.
And we just launched it a few months ago. And Barb and I do professional marriage coaching with executive couples and we help military and churches and first responders. But that's what the podcast is because, Alex, we want to be not your marriage coach, but we want to be the marriage coach for our listeners and followers to love them, speak into them, bring them the learning curve of over 40 years of ministry and not only equip them, but their kids and grandkids and those that they care about. And let's talk about where it can be found, Gary. Wherever you listen to podcasts.
That's right. Amazon, iHeartRadio, you can go to America's Family Coaches. Yeah, it's on our website. And you can download those podcasts. So thank you for asking. Well, thank you for being with us and thank everyone for listening.
Folks, you can listen again. Just all things that we give God the glory, what he's allowing us to do in the lives of millions of people. It's at AlexMcFarland.com. In the meantime, stand strong for truth and remember Jesus is as close by as a prayer. Alex McFarland ministries are made possible through the prayers and financial support of partners like you. For over 20 years, this ministry has been bringing individuals into a personal relationship with Christ and has been equipping people to stand strong for truth. Learn more and donate securely online at AlexMcFarland.com. You may also reach us by calling 1-877-YES-GOD and the number one. That's 1-877-YES-GOD1. Thanks for joining us. We'll see you again on the next edition of the Alex McFarland Show.
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