For the Want of a Mom and Dad

Pastor, author, and Bible teacher, Alan Wright.

Great resistance to temptation does not come by great willpower, but by extraordinary self-worth. That's Pastor Alan Wright. Welcome to another message of good news that will help you see yourself in a whole new light. I'm Daniel Britt, excited for you to hear the teaching today in the series, Free Yourself, Be Yourself. If you're not able to stay with us throughout the entire program, I want to make sure you know how to get our special resource right now. It can be yours for your donation this month to Alan Wright Ministries. As you listen to today's message, go deeper as we send you today's special offer. Contact us at PastorAlan.org or call 877-544-4860.

That's 877-544-4860. More on that later in the program. But now, let's get started with today's teaching.

Here is Alan Wright. When you become a Christian, the Bible says that you have been adopted as a son or a daughter. And what that means is that you not only are no longer an orphan, but you belong to God forever. And even more than that, it means that you have been made an heir. And even more than that, the Scripture says, a co-heir with Christ Himself. And so much of spiritual growth is coming to believe it, coming to accept it, coming to have ears to hear the amazing promises of God. For the Lord is speaking to us just like we were trying to speak to Sasha and say, no, you don't need to clutch onto everything. You don't need to be fearful of other people.

You don't need to become self-absorbed. You can be open. You can be free.

I'm going to take care of you. We had some dear parishioners in a search I served previously that had a ministry in the orphanages. And what they would do, Jennie and Ernie Ruckert, they would go into the orphanage. And the way that the Lord had shown them to help these orphans open up and talk to them was they would go in and ask the orphans to write poetry. They'd just give them blank paper and pencil and say, write a poem. And it doesn't have to rhyme. It doesn't have to be, it just has to be, you just express yourself through a poem.

It's like a piece of art. And so they would gather these poems and they were beautiful. And they put them into little books of poems from the orphans. And one that struck me as much as any was a little boy.

And he wrote a poem. He called it The Want of a Mom and Dad. He said, moms and dads are wonderful for those people that has a mom and a dad. Parents that guide and teach you the right way, not the wrong way. As for me, I never knew my mom.

My dad drunk all the time. I don't know what it's like to have a mom and dad, a dad to wrestle and play with, a mom to tell me everything is okay when something is wrong. Parents that really care for me, ones that will help me, not abuse me. I wish I had a mom and dad. Why can't I have a mom and dad like all the other kids?

That could be one of shame's primary mottos, like all the other kids. We need a mom and a dad. We need a mom and a dad.

I don't care what the spirit of the age seems to be saying now. God made a design that we're male and female and it is through a man and a woman coming together in marriage that God designed all of society to be ordered and a child is designed for a mom and a dad. And when you don't have both a mom and dad, there's something that's missing. As I've shared with you, I was in fourth grade when my dad left home. I'd never seen my dad cry up until that time. And he just said, dad's not going to be living at home anymore.

And he said I feel like I failed and I'm sorry. And there was no other explanation. Nobody ever suggested to me, Alan it's your fault. Nobody said that.

They didn't say that. But to the child's mind, it's impossible not to have the thought, what's wrong with me? He wouldn't leave if there weren't something wrong with me. This is how the process of shame-based thinking begins. So we now have it where in our culture in America that about 50% of people will have at some point lived in a single parent home. And what I'm just saying is that the reality is that this leaves a wound and part of God's design is violated and this isn't to point blame at any of our parents.

This isn't about finger pointing and this isn't about saying that children that have single parents that God's not going to be able to bless them mightily and bless. But it is to say that we need to be honest about the wound that's there. See mom and dad, mom and dads are different. We're not just different physically. Our souls are different. Male and females are different.

And without risking, I don't want to risk the over generalization of what the different genders are all about. But we could say this, that mothers are so nurturing and this is proven by the fact that the child in our family when our children were little, I felt like I was a very nurturing dad. I was a very affectionate dad. But when they get a boo-boo on their knee, who do they run to?

They run right past me every time. Where's mommy? What is it about mommy? Mommy's nurturing. Mommy has got some kind of nurturing love to show some kind of acceptance that's there. And that nurture is so, so, so important because it's in the place where you are loved unconditionally.

That's the place where you learn to trust. Love this Psalm 22 verse 9, you brought me safely from my mother's womb and led me to trust you at my mother's breast. There is something that happens when you come into the world as a little baby and you can't do anything for anybody. You're just helpless.

All you know how to do is cry and wet your diaper. And yet you've got a mother that's feeding you and holding you and loving you. And I think part of what the Psalmist is saying is that when you are loved despite the fact that you haven't earned it, that's where you learn to trust. That's where you begin to say, maybe I could trust.

Maybe not everybody's out to get me. Maybe I don't have to just be all on my own. Trust is born in the womb of real nurture and unconditional love. But we also grow up. We're not supposed to just stay forever just in the place of just being nurtured.

We're nurtured so we learn to trust so that we can move on also and make a difference in life. It's so interesting that Paul in 1 Thessalonians chapter 2 within a matter of just a few short verses, he mentions how they were like a mother and like a father. We were gentle among you like a mother, caring for our little children. And we dealt with each of you as a father deals with his own children encouraging, comforting and urging you to live lives worthy of God. He says we were like a mother who cares for you but we're also like a father who encourages, who comforts, who urges you onward. You see one of the things that happens is that when you experience a mom and a dad literally and or spiritually you experience both the nurture that assures you you can trust but also you have a voice that's calling you up into destiny and we need both.

And without both with an orphan mentality we are going to be in one way or another we're gonna be lacking trust and lacking confidence of what we can do in the world. So what shame does is shame leaves us with an inward lack of confidence, an inward sense that because I'm flawed I can't totally trust others and there's a limit to how God could use me in the world. And what grace does and the picture you get of this when you have the father's favor upon your life is that it changes everything about how you perceive yourself. It enables you to endure adversity, accept honors, forgive others and live a life of grace towards others. Nobody in the scripture typifies this more beautifully than Joseph.

That's Alan Wright and we'll have more teaching in a moment from today's important series. Can you imagine what it would be like to be accepted perfectly? Envision it. Being free to be yourself with no fear of rejection. If you mess up people don't roll their eyes, make fun of you or love you less.

Imagine no more of that anxious feeling that you get deep down in your gut that makes you feel like the pressure is always on so you can never really relax. What you're imagining and longing for is a life with no shame. In Paradise before sin came into the world the Bible tells us only one thing about Adam and Eve's relationship.

They were naked and felt no shame. Ever since the fall the human heart has been riddled with shame. It's a lie that says until you measure up you can't be truly acceptable. Shame causes some to say I'll try to be perfect in order to be accepted and others to decide since I'll never measure up I might as well rebel.

Either way the heart is poisoned by shame and there is only one antidote. The grace of God in Jesus Christ. In his highly acclaimed book Free Yourself, Be Yourself Pastor Alan Wright not only exposes the lies of shame, he leads you into a revolution of God's love that heals your soul. Discover freedom, joy and destiny as you shed performance based living and let God take the shame off you for good. It's a life changing full length book from Alan Wright.

Free yourself, be yourself. The Gospel is shared when you give to Alan Wright Ministries. This broadcast is only possible because of listener financial support.

When you give today we will send you today's special offer. We are happy to send this to you as our thanks from Alan Wright Ministries. Call us at 877-544-4860.

That's 877-544-4860. Or come to our website PastorAlan.org. Today's teaching now continues.

Here once again is Alan Wright. You know Joseph, just such a remarkable story that prefigures Christ in so many ways. We don't have time obviously to read all the story.

Maybe many of you are familiar with it. If you're unfamiliar with the story of Joseph, he is the favored son of Jacob because he was born to Jacob's true love, Rachel. And the story picks up in Genesis chapter 37 and at verse 2 we read in Genesis 37 to Joseph being 17 years old was pasturing the flock with his brothers. He was a boy with the sons of Bilhah and Zilpah, his father's wives and Joseph brought a bad report of them to their father. Now Israel, that's Jacob, loved Joseph more than any of his sons because he was the son of his old age and he made him a robe of many colors. But when his brothers saw that their father loved him more than all his brothers, they hated him and they could not speak peacefully to him. And Joseph had a dream and when he told it to his brothers they hated him even more. This is a story about this younger of the brothers Joseph who is the apple of his father's eye and the other brothers are so envious of the father's favor upon Joseph. And what happens throughout Genesis chapter 37 is that they hated him at verse 4 when he says they hated him all the more.

They couldn't speak a kind word to him. You're getting an anatomy of shame. See the brothers are ashamed. They are inwardly feeling condemned because they don't feel their father's love.

Look at the contrast. Look at those that have a father's love and those and Joseph has his father's love and the brothers who don't. And you begin to see the anatomy of shame. They hated him. They couldn't speak a kind word to him. After the multicolored coat the text said at verse 5 they hated him all the more.

Then you get to verse 23 and now you see that they've conspired against him and at verse 23 Joseph came to his brothers. They stripped him of his robe, the robe of many colors that he wore. They try to strip away the symbol of favor on his life.

Shame will always try in some way or another to remove from some way else their favor on them with the idea that then I can feel better about myself. And then they take him at verse 24. They throw him down. There's a picture of shame. Trying to bring another one down. You've got to always understand this.

If somebody's trying to bring you down it's because they already feel low and want to bring you to their level. They're literally, what they're literally doing is throwing him down into a pit and then they sell him at verse 27, 28. They sell him as a slave.

There's some people that are happening by on their way to Egypt. So now you see the whole cycle of shame. They ostracize him. They hate him. They conspire against him. They then are stripping him of the symbols of his favor. They're throwing him down, bringing him lower and finally they treat him like a thing. See, shame when it reaches its ultimate it looks upon other people not as people but as things to be used.

Sell them into slavery. They let their dad believe that Joseph is dead. They let their dad grieve and this as far as they understand that Joseph is gone forever. But the remarkable story grows from there because Joseph is taken into Egypt and there's favor on his life. And even though he's a slave in Potiphar's household he has a deep sense of the favor that's in his life, a dream that's in his heart and his father's love. And there are three moments in his life that are absolutely remarkable in Joseph's life that I just absolutely marvel at. And the first one is in Genesis chapter 39. I'm not going to take time to turn to these texts but you can look them up later and read and think about the story of Joseph. But in this moment Potiphar's wife tries to seduce, allure Joseph. If anybody, if any man could have rationalized and just said to himself I might as well indulge in this. I've been sold as a slave. I've got no future.

I might as well just have the momentary pleasures of the flesh. If anybody could have rationalized it would have been Joseph. But instead Joseph resists the temptation, runs away from Potiphar's wife. And what he says there is he says no one, this is in Genesis 39 verses 8 and 9, no one is greater in this house than I.

How can I do such a thing? Do you see what he's saying? He is saying God has put me in a position of favor as a slave even. How could I, knowing what God's done for me, how could I do such a thing and sin against my master? It's amazing but he's a slave and he's saying I have too much self worth to fall into this sin right now.

And here's the lesson from this. That great resistance to temptation does not come by great will power but by extraordinary self worth. When people think that we need shame in order to resist sin what they're missing is that it is actually the inward shame and condemnation that makes us likely to give in to temptation. But when we are affirmed within and Joseph was so affirmed that when the moment of temptation came he was able to resist. I'm also, I'm also amazed that he was able in another moment to accept a great honor.

Because what happens is Potiphar's wife accuses Joseph falsely, they put Joseph in prison and now he's not only been a slave, he's not only been forgotten by his family but he's been, he's incarcerated in terrible conditions, he's imprisoned, seemingly forgotten and yet there comes a moment where because of his capacity to interpret dreams and Pharaoh hears about it, Pharaoh brings him to interpret a dream that Pharaoh's had and when Joseph gives this heaven sent interpretation of the dream, Pharaoh is so taken by it that remarkably in Genesis 41, 41, Pharaoh says I hereby put you in charge of the whole land of Egypt. And what is amazing to me is that Joseph could go from the prison to the pinnacle of leadership without hesitation. Can you imagine having that sense of inward affirmation where it when in one moment you've been beaten and abused and accused and everybody in the world is trying to make you feel like you're worthless and in the next moment you're offered the highest position in the land and something in him said sure I can do that. I mean I've had a hard time just accepting some of the little honors in my life because there's a part of you that goes oh no I feel like an imposter, somebody else could probably do this better. He just says yes, sign me up. God wants for us to have so much inward security that when the time comes to be promoted or used in some special way we say yes.

It's like Paul, he said I've learned to be content in all circumstances. There are many moments, there's another moment though that is incredible in his life of course and that is there is a reunion that eventually takes place between Joseph and his brothers. They come and they don't know at first it's Joseph. Joseph has the right to exterminate them.

He has the right to imprison them. He has the right, he is the leader of Egypt, second only to Pharaoh and his brothers come and finally he reveals, he says it is I, it is Joseph, your brother whom you threw into slavery and the brothers are so afraid, of course they're afraid and you get to Genesis in chapter 50 and you hear the words of sweet grace from Joseph don't be afraid, I'll provide for you and I'll provide for your children because only the person who has known grace can show grace and all through all his adversities the son who had the father's favor was able to resist temptation, was able to accept honor and was able to be gracious with those who had hurt him the most. It's about the father's favor and knowing it and knowing that you are adopted. The gospel is about a favored son. It is about a son in whom the father said I am well pleased. It is about a son who had no intent to harm anyone and only loved and he lived as one who was loved and yet some hated him and falsely accused him and punished him and he in the end had more than enough power to call down a legion of angels to eliminate everyone that wanted to crucify him but instead he said father forgive them. How could Jesus do this?

He could do this because he was the son of the father. How much more does your heavenly father want you to know that you are his son, his daughter, an heir, a co-heir with Jesus Christ. That's the gospel. Alan Wright and today's teaching for want of a mom and dad in our series Free Yourself, Be Yourself. Stick with us.

Pastor Alan is back with a parting good news thought for today's teaching in just a moment. Can you imagine what it would be like to be accepted perfectly? Envision it. Being free to be yourself with no fear of rejection. If you mess up people don't roll their eyes, make fun of you or love you less.

Imagine no more of that anxious feeling that you get deep down in your gut that makes you feel like the pressure is always on so you can never really relax. What you're imagining and longing for is a life with no shame. In paradise before sin came into the world the Bible tells us only one thing about Adam and Eve's relationship.

They were naked and felt no shame. Ever since the fall the human heart has been riddled with shame. It's a lie that says until you measure up you can't be truly acceptable. Shame causes some to say I'll try to be perfect in order to be accepted and others to decide since I'll never measure up I might as well rebel.

Either way the heart is poisoned by shame and there is only one antidote the grace of God in Jesus Christ. In his highly acclaimed book Free Yourself, Be Yourself Pastor Alan Wright not only exposes the lies of shame he leads you into a revolution of God's love that heals your soul. Discover freedom, joy and destiny as you shed performance based living and let God take the shame off you for good. It's a life changing full length book from Alan Wright.

Free yourself, be yourself. The gospel is shared when you give to Alan Wright Ministries. This broadcast is only possible because of listener financial support.

When you give today we will send you today's special offer. We are happy to send this to you as our thanks from Alan Wright Ministries. Call us at 877-544-4860.

That's 877-544-4860. Or come to our website PastorAlan.org. Back now with Pastor Alan and this is what we talk about the where the home that really that for most of us childhood comes back into play in this topic. It's a little misleading the statistics that sometimes people say most marriages end in divorce.

That's not true. But it is true that the majority of people will at some point in their life live in a home that has experienced brokenness in the marriage. So it's touched many, many, many of our listeners right now. And I want to leave you with the thought that the great astonishing truth that John in his old age wrote in his little epistle. How great is the love that the father has lavished on us that we should be called children of God. Your identity is not a broken one. Your identity is not even you're from a broken family. Your identity is in Christ. You are a child of God. He's your father and you're his adopted and a co-heir with Christ himself. That's who you really are. And that's how you can be healed from the shame of brokenness of the past.