Nick Swardson: The true number 1 Vikings fan

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Brought to you by NHTSA. And now back to The Rich Eisen Show. Live from The Rich Eisen Show Studio in Los Angeles, The Rich Eisen Show. He can't quit us.

And we can't quit you either. Earlier on the show, Lions defensive end Aiden Hutchinson. Coming up, comedian Nick Swartzon. Host of pro football talk, Mike Florio.

Overreaction Monday and more. And now, it's Rich Eisen. Our number two The Rich Eisen Show is on the air. Everyone's favorite sheep shipper, Nick Swartzon, is in our green room.

We'll just go with it reference for everybody out there. One of our favorites, die-hard Vikings fan. He's going to be coming out here shortly. Don't miss it.

It'll be a lot of fun. It always is when Nick Swartzon stops by here. He's got a new YouTube special, Make Joke From Face.

It's available right now on YouTube. Everything he does just makes you laugh. So it'll be great when he joins us and we'll get him out here. There's no reason to keep him back there for much longer. Certainly when he's ready to go.

Mike Florio and our number three on the program, Chris Brockman in his spot, and there is Jay Felley in his spot, and TJ Jefferson. Good to see you, sir, in your spot. It's good to be seen. I love that. So let's talk about not being seen.

Aaron Rodgers was not seen at the Jets mandatory mini camp back in June. And to say that created a kerfuffle is an understatement. I like that word. A kerfuffle. Much to do. A big stink. Lot going on.

Lot of screaming headlines in New York City. The guy who said anything that has nothing to do with winning all that BS needs to be out of the building. And he's not in the building when it's mandatory for him to be there.

Even though he'd been to pretty much, not pretty much, and not virtually, he had been to everything else when it wasn't mandatory. And Robert Sala called his absence unexcused, which is what raised this to the level of being discussed. And we were wondering when we would hear from him to explain, if asked, if asked where he was, and why he wasn't there, and what does he think of the coach calling something unexcused.

And I thought we would not hear from him until he showed up at the American Century Championship golf tournament in Lake Tahoe a couple of weeks ago. Or was that last week? It was last week, right? It was last weekend. Okay.

Two weekends ago. They all milled together. That's right. And so, as a matter of fact, the big news that he said while he was there is he kind of threw an A-ron bomb in the direction of Las Vegas, talking about how he'd love to play with Devante Adams again, or he can't wait, or whatever. And I was like, does that mean he really wants to be traded from Vegas? Or was he just talking about golf?

No, I don't think he's talking about golf. And then receiver came out and he, not on the proverbial Christmas card list of the Garoppolo family anymore, if he was any way. But his representation came out and said, he's a Raider and there's nothing to see here. And in the same way that Brandon Aiyuk is going to be a 49er this year, because why would the 49ers trade him away for just draft choices when they have a team to win the Super Bowl this year? The time the trade Brandon Aiyuk for draft choices was the night of the first round of the NFL draft in Detroit that they left with a rookie wide receiver anyway. Although Ricky Pearsall's on a non-football injury list at present.

Talk to Mike Florio about all that in hour number three. But we bring all this up because Rodgers did also mention at the American Century Classic, although it might not have been on camera, I didn't see it. The sound bite where he said, as a matter of fact, all the rumors that where he was at the time is he was in Egypt on a once in a lifetime trip. And we're assuming trip does not just also mean a trip. What you and I might call a trip.

Not mentally. A vacation. It might've involved his methodology of expanding his mind and getting his mind straight to try and win a Super Bowl for the New York Jets as a crying fan that he encountered in Tahoe was begging him to bring. And long story short though, we hadn't heard from him about the jet portion of it, the why would you call it an unexcused absence. And we hadn't heard the whole concept of what he thought about the media to do that came about it.

Because to me, that's the only long lasting issue for this is the media set to that occurred. That will happen again later this week when Jets training camp starts Wednesday, and I think he reports tomorrow. And so that will happen. The New York media will have a session with Rogers and we'll see if it gets contentious or not. And how Rogers would handle anybody that is trying to call him out for not being the leader that he voiced when he said everything that has nothing to do with winning needs to get the heck out of the building.

Heck out of the building. And that's my only thing is that later on this season, that's sort of back and forth with the media now might grind to gear later on the season if things aren't going well. Which if you take a look at the Jets schedule, there's a possibility of it. Rogers appeared on Pardon My Take. I guess he sat with PFT and Big Cat while they were in Tahoe.

And they posted it today. This was the exchange that's making news about Rogers not showing up for a mini camp that's mandatory. When I was in the NFC North and playing for that team years ago, there used to be a real thing called mini camp where it was, you had one of them usually, sometimes it's right up for the draft. But either way, it was five practices in three days, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. So two practices on Friday, two on Saturday, one on Sunday. Now it's not mini camp. They can arbitrarily put a tag on whatever week of OTAs they want. So this is the mini camp week, which makes it somehow more mandatory than the other weeks. But it was an OTA schedule. That's how words can be a little deceiving from time to time.

You can make a story out of the fact that I missed a mini camp when it was really two OTA days. That came to the first 10. So this is a media thing. And Rogers for the radio audience sort of just extended his arms like a media thing. He's not entirely wrong. By the way, I don't think what he said is wrong or factually incorrect at all about the way things go. And that's why I always wondered if the Jets knew that he had an experience in Egypt that was for that week, for as long as Rogers had previously said they had known or was reported for the Jets to have known, then just tag the previous week where Rogers was going to be there as the mandatory week and let the final two days of mini camp, which he points out is still like a laid back version of mini camp, organized team activities, then let that be the days where he can go off to Egypt. And if he's not there, then there's no worse to wear. But if he is saying I need to take a trip to Egypt to get my mind right, or this is something that when I was recovering from my Achilles surgery, I saw that it was happening in that month of June. And I booked it right then and there to make sure I could get a spot.

And that's why I want to go on this to get my mind right. And the Jets either didn't want to or couldn't or whatever move the mandatory tag to off of that week. Then I also understand why Robert Salah has got to come out and say this is unexcused because how many other players are going to maybe say I'm doing something for myself here.

And it's been months in advance. The whole thing is weird. Well, it's weird because it's on a, it was avoidable. Right. It was so many consistently this guy, like just what's one more to avoid everybody. Right. Like this would have been a much smaller version of what the Lakers did by potentially drafting Bronnie for LeBron. You're, you're helping make employee number one, a lot happier and his dotage years in the remaining window of chance for you and the franchise to win it all together.

Weird. So avoidable. But, you know, um, they could have also said a week before, like, Hey, next week's mandatory, but Rogers won't be here. He's doing his thing. And then a bunch of other players are like, yeah, we, we, we don't need them here anyway.

We're good. You know, Tarod needed to get his reps. They remember they didn't tell Tarod Taylor, he's getting the reps at the ones until that day.

It just was so weird. What would you put the chances at that? This was just like a solid power play or something like 12 is not running the organization.

First of all, he's eight now, but yes, I understand what you're saying. They would, they're all at the eggs are completely in this and the Rogers basket entirely in the Rogers basket, you know, assumption that Rogers is running the whole organization. Well, and maybe he is, and there's a reason why, because they put all their eggs in Aaron Rogers basket. And the only difference between this year and last year is they have a much better backup plan. If the basket blows a gasket, you know, Tarod Taylor can get them some victories that I don't think Zach Wilson was equipped to get them last year. Will he get them to the super bowl? I, I mean, that would be a story of the century, but I mean, I'm sure Jets fans don't want to talk about that right now.

You know what I mean? Like, again, to me, end of the day, end of the day, when we had Aidan Hutchinson on in hour one, we were talking about the first Sunday night of the season, Lions Rams, a day after Texas at Michigan Longhorns V Wolverines. What a weekend that's going to be. The football weekend ends that Monday night with the Jets in San Francisco. And when Rogers is, hopefully for him, healthy and in that tunnel in his native Northern California, is he going to be sitting here thinking, man, I can't believe they said it was an unexcused absence in June.

Of course not. He's going to be fired up as will the Jets, as will that crowd, as will the Niners faithful. You know, I mean, it's going to be lit. That's why they're putting the game on Monday night again on ABC and, you know, and you could call the rest of that first month of the season soft on the schedule. Although, you know how I feel about Tennessee. At Tennessee, that's a short week coming back from the West coast. They're going to have to get to Tennessee for that game. It's the Titans home opener.

That's not going to be a gimme. Then there's the Patriots short week right after that with Denver. Listen, bottom line is throughout that first game going into San Francisco, will that matter?

Of course not. But what might matter is the back and forth with the media right now, because, you know, at New York Media, Rogers essentially didn't really have to deal with him last year. He was going to the Tony Awards and Hard Knocks was a big kiss on the cheek and then poof, his value proven by the Jets disaster season.

Now this is the first sideways moment. The question is, how does it spin when they chat this week and how does that set the stage for New York Media that might be ready to pounce if that first month of the season winds up, what, two and two, one and three before they go to London to take on Minnesota on NFL Network, where they might see Sam Darnold again? How about that? That's the question.

But hearing today, he's right. I mean, the dude was there for everything else. And why didn't the Jets just flip what was mandatory? I don't, I don't, I don't know. I don't know. We'll probably never know, because this won't be a story in week one. I'll tell you that. Not for that Monday night. Can you imagine, Rogers, right before the game? Aaron, what's going through your head? Well, yeah, geez, that June thing when I was in Egypt, I had to hear about this when I came off, off the ayahuasca.

All those messages on my phone? No. Let's take a break right here on the Rich Eisen Show. Before we do, I just want to let everyone know that I'm on the Rich Eisen Show radio network, sitting at the Rich Eisen Show desk, furnished by Grainger, with supplies and solutions for every industry.

Grainger has the right product for you. Call clickrainger.com or just stop by as Nick Swartzon is about to do. His new YouTube special, Make Joke From Face. A clip from that coming up on the Roku channel. Then, after that, a nice chat on the radio. You could hear the beeps of a heart monitor. You could hear doctors and nurses in an emergency room as you're being treated for your injuries. You could hear the sound of worried family members in the hospital waiting room, hoping to hear that you're okay.

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Back here on the Roku channel. Look who's here, everybody. It's Nick Swartzon, everybody. How's that for an introduction? American sweetheart. Make joke from face.

I can't say that enough. Make joke from face, the new comedy special of yours, Nick Swartzon, available now on YouTube in conjunction with 800 pound gorilla. Yep, make joke from face. And then my new tour, Toilet Head, this fall. Is that what it's called? I swear to God, it's called Toilet Head. I clearly don't care, like I don't take anything seriously, so I just name things whatever.

My first hour special was Seriously, Who Farted? That's what it was called. Which is a rhetorical question, right? Like there's no answer.

Yeah, it could mean anything. And let me just get this out of the way. Josh Duhamel. Hold on a second, wait, our radio audience is about to return. Let's get the whole Josh Duhamel thing right here on The Rich Eisen Show. I've got Nick Swartzon here. Our radio audience has returned right here on the Roku channel. We're all one big happy feed.

We just saw a great YouTube special clip from make joke from face of Nick Swartzon right here on The Rich Eisen Show. That's the last time I introduce you, I promise you. Okay.

So you were just about to say, you have the floor here, so go for it. Josh Duhamel. That ugly actor. He's a fellow Viking fan. Yes, but he's from North Dakota. So there's an online thing where he's the number one Vikings fan? What? Yeah.

No, not on my watch. I'm Nick Swartzon from St. Paul, Minnesota. I'm the number one.

Josh is from Fargo. What does that mean to you? That means that I'm angry. I'm not happy about these online polls saying he's the number one. Were you at least two? I was two. Okay.

So I mean, I will take that, but yeah. Who else is up there? Who else would be top five? I don't know, actually.

I don't know who would be three. Because Ragnar has been off the motorcycle a while. We haven't seen him in a while. Yeah.

Who else? I swear to God, I don't know. Maybe Princess Ghost. Princess Ghost. The Ghost of Prince.

The Ghost of Prince is third. Kilby. Kilborn, that's right. Oh, Kilby.

Yeah. Kilby. Are you looking up famous Vikings fans?

I am. I literally typed in celebrity Viking fans. So... Oh yeah, Kilby.

I forgot about him. He's the number one Timberwolves fan. I know that.

That's true. He's a diehard fan. More than you?

He's more than me, yeah. I mean, I'm a big Timberwolves fan. It was gut-wrenching when we lost.

It was just gut-wrenching. But you got to love Anthony Edwards. That's the win. It's exciting.

Let's see how this plays out. But Minnesota sports is like... Here's what I hate, is I hate other fan bases that have multiple championships and complain about their team. So like Cowboys fans, Patriot fans, where they're like, ah, Patriot fans, oh, another season.

Didn't go good. It's like, you have a thousand rings. As a Minnesota fan, we have nothing. We don't even have f***ing rings. Can I say that?

So you listen, you can't blame Cowboy fans for being upset though. It's been 30 years, man. They have multiple rings.

It's come about 30 years though. Those rings are a bit... They're a little rusty.

Yeah, they're a little rusty. Yeah, but they exist. That's my argument, Nick. Exactly. That's a Cowboy fan right there. How long it's been since the Cowboys have won. But I'm like, yeah, at least in my lifetime, I've seen a championship.

There are teams that have never gotten it. Yeah. But it's like, I'm on board with Browns fans, Lions fans. Like we're all in this same like group of just sadness. Yeah.

It's just anger, sadness. It's been a while, huh? Do you need a hug? It's been... And then I told you earlier, Adam Sandler says hello, our good friend. I love that guy.

I said, I'm doing the Rich Iceland show. And he went, That's like very Leo right there. Yeah. Yeah. It sounded just like him.

Yeah, totally. When did you meet Sandler? When did you first meet him, man? He was a fan of my standup, Make Joke From Face on YouTube right now. Yeah, he was a fan of my standup.

He saw me on Comedy Central when I first started when I was a kid. In the 80s, 90s? What one was it? 1890s.

It was like probably 2000. Okay. Yeah. And he saw my special, wrote my name down and went to the office and he was like, who is this kid? And they're like, oh, it's Nick Swardson. He's like a new comic. And so he called me in and he goes, hey, you did jokes about your grandmother.

And I'm like, yeah. And he goes, I have a movie called Grandma's Boy and I need somebody to rewrite it. So that's how I started working with Adam.

I rewrote Grandma's Boy and then we made it and he loved it. So we did a bunch of stuff after that. I should say so. Good Lord. How many Sandler films have you been in?

20, at least. Damn, man. Yeah. And then I told you too, we're doing a Happy Gilmore too. Ladies and gentlemen. Very exciting.

Happy Gilmore too. This is actually happening. Yep. We start filming in September in Jersey. What do you got for me?

Anything you can tell me? Have you seen the script? No, there's no script yet. We started the most Sandler thing ever. We start filming in September.

No script. I just know my character is a 1950s golfer. It's like a throwback. I guess I'm going to be in like flashbacks.

So you're going to be in a flashback to what? Is it like happy? So I know if I can say that.

Like a happy's dad or something like that. I don't know. So there's a script. You were just joking. No, I swear to God.

I've not read a script. I was just with him like two days ago. And so he's still working on it? He's still writing it, yeah. Is it him? Who else is working on it with him? Tim Hurley. Great writer.

They wrote the original Happy Gilmore. Sure. Right. Yeah.

They're great. Fantastic. Yeah. I'm super excited. Okay.

And then the rest of it is like Fight Club. You can't talk about it or? I think so.

Yeah. I don't want to get that. I don't want Adam getting him. I don't want no, no. I want you still obviously on speed.

He'll just come through the window like, what? Are you in his pickup games with him? Oh yeah. We played hoop a million times.

Okay. And he'll play basketball wherever, whenever. It's like he'll just show up at a gym just randomly. Right. There's videos of him and he hoops. He's got a great, he's got game. Yeah. He's good. He's got a good fallback jumper and I've got to guard him. And it sucks when you're filming without him because he plays basketball nonstop, like during filming. Yeah. And then like, I've got to guard him and then I don't want to foul him. And then sometimes he plays dirty and I want to retaliate, but I can't.

Absolutely not. You can't. Because he's a Adam Sandler.

He's the talent. Yeah. So I don't want to like elbow him in his genitals. Genital uppercut.

Sometimes I want to do that, but I don't. By the way, that's a great new fantasy team. Genital uppercut. Write that down.

That'll be another special of mine. Yes. Genital uppercut. There you go. There you go. You're welcome. We just came up with it. Yeah. God bless you.

You're welcome. We both did. Collaboration, Rich. Look at us workshopping. This is how we do it. Okay. So Happy Gilmore 2 starts shooting in September.

September toilet head throughout the fall. As of July 19th, two days ago from this taping, no script. No script.

But the answer is of course, yes. When Sandler calls you up and says, we got to have you in. Well, yeah, you would reference, just go with it. And I remember Sandler called me and I was like in the middle of dinner and he goes, Hey, what's up?

Hey, can you do a German accent? And I go, random phone call. I'm like, like this?

Like, I don't know. And he's like, yeah, perfect. Call you tomorrow.

And he called me the next day. He's like, you, me, Aniston, Hawaii. We're doing a movie. You're playing like a half German dude. And I'm like, okay.

Like I'm on board with anything. Was that Adlib the sheepshipper scene or was that all scripted? It was half and half. There was a lot of Adlibs, but it was, I mean, that character was amazing. It was so fun. I think it was amazing.

City. So who's the one who came up with sheepshipper? Was that you or is that, was that in the script? That was in the script. Yeah.

But I came up with, I think sheeps d9. That's so absurd. How do you say those words sitting next to Jennifer Aniston and Brooklyn Decker?

I mean, how does, my God. It was really tough and like, we always break, like we laugh so much. So it was like, and my goal, like when I did Reno 911, that was all improvised. So my goal is just to make the other person laugh. So I, you know, like Sandler gives me free range to just say insanity and improvise. So like my goal is just to break people.

Who's easiest to break? Sandler. He is.

Yeah. We laugh a lot. Um, Spade is tricky. He's one that's hard to break.

Like we did bench warmers together. We moved on a bunch of stuff, but that one, I would try to break him and it's really hard. So he's the toughest to break. He's the toughest to break. Sandler's the easiest to break. Sandler and I, I can walk into a scene and immediately start laughing. And without any dialogue, I'll just, and like, he'll attest to this too. We just, it's like anybody, like when you see like a friend where you just are on the same wavelength and you're just like, right when you see him, you're like, no, no, do not start. Um, another one was, uh, we talked about earlier, uh, my friend Norm McDonald.

What do you got? I've got a bunch of stories of my new special toilet head this fall. But, um, one of my favorite things about Norm, there's a million stories, but I would text Norm and I'd be like, Hey, what's up, man? What are you doing? And you would go, who's this? And I go, it's Swartzon. And he goes, ah, Nikki, what's going on? And I go, do you not have my phone number saved in your phone?

I'm literally one of your best friends. And he goes, yeah, how do you do that? You save the number or what? And I go, yeah, you save it. It's a phone.

I'm your friend. He's like, yeah, yeah. I got it. Yeah.

I got to figure that out. Right. Good God. That's how it was with him all the time. It's just something insane. Probably sitting around watching golf. That's pretty much what you do.

Quite a bit. One of my favorite things too, is he was like, he's a big gambler. Oh yes. Oh yeah.

I remember at the SBS when he was hosting that SBS, that one famous. Oh God. Yeah.

Where we're Charles Woodson, they'll never take that away from you unless you kill your wife and a waiter, the Heisman trophy line, the whole thing. I mean, that is norm, a quintessential norm, but I just remember Stuart Scott and I were done rehearsing the pre-show and we walked past the stage door and norm popped out to say how much he liked watching us on sports center and then asked us opinions on what he or who he should be gambling on that night. And we were like, I don't know. Like, yeah, sounds good.

Like he would give us his opinion of whatever the heck was happening. Cause it was, those were back in February. So like this was right around the NBA All-Star break. Right. So it really wasn't much going on. And he would just ask us about these wild games that we didn't even have any opinion on and Stuart and I would look at each other and go, I hope we, we didn't just cost him. But that was funny, man.

Yeah, no, he was amazing. I remember we were in Venice beach and he was betting on turtle racing at a bar at Brennan's. Yeah.

Brennan's. Yeah. And he goes, yeah, it's like famous. Yeah.

Okay. But yeah, he was putting money on turtles. He's like, yeah, yeah, I got that turtle over there. It looks good.

It looks quick. Good Lord. He's betting on a turtle with a first quick step. Is that what he's saying? Yeah.

That's how he rolled. Oh my. Rest in peace Norm. We love you. We miss you. Nick Swardson here on the Rich Eisen Show.

Make joke from face available now on YouTube. Again, in conjunction with 800 pound gorilla. All right. You want to, you want to play the win loss game here on the Rich Eisen Show?

Yep. Let's go. Let's do it. Let's dance.

Here we go. The win loss game for the Minnesota Vikings with none other. We're going to win the Super Bowl. Did I ever tell you this? I put $1,000 on the Vikings every year to win the Super Bowl and I'm out 25 grand.

That's a true story. Have you already put the money down for this year? What are the current odds right now, Christopher?

Standby. I mean, two years ago you had to like that and then Daniel Jones hit you. I mean, and then we started to bring that up, but that's okay. Viking Super Bowl right now is 80 to one. 80 to one. Yep. Done. Okay.

100% $80,000. Sam Darnold. Hey, please help us. JJ McCarthy. I'll say this to you before we play the win loss game. Yes. Sam Darnold is in the Baker Mayfield position.

Where? Yeah, that's a good point. It's by the way, first of all, drafted two spots behind Baker and like Baker on team four coming off of a year or portion of a year for Baker in the NFC West with a quarterback guru head coach. Yeah. And now in a position where a team is playoff ready with a ton of weapons. All he's got to do is just show up and take advantage of the opportunity. Yeah, I agree. I'm on board.

With the exception of the fact is that unlike Baker who was ready and able and the team was willing to have him stay there with a generationally enriching contract, certainly, or a contract that is an excellent contract for a quarterback. Right. This is JJ McCarthy's show at some point. Yeah. He just signed actually this past weekend. That's my guy.

Is that true? Oh, you're so psyched. You're going to be happy. But I'm excited. You should be. I'm optimistic. Okay.

Always from the chair. Justin Jefferson was sitting in just two weeks ago. Is that true?

Fact. It's time for the win loss game with Nick Swardson for his diehard loving Minnesota Vikings. Hit it.

Here's some music starting at the New York Giants. Sam Darnold back in MetLife stadium. What do you got for me? What do you mean? Winner loss. Win.

Okay. Home for the San Francisco 49ers. Win. Home for the Houston Texans. Win.

At the Green Bay Packers. Win. In London against the Jets. Win. 5-0 coming off the buy.

Home for the Lions. Win. 6-0 at the Rams on a Thursday night. Win. You going to that game?

Yes. I just want to make sure you could say something other than the word win right now. 7-0 home for the Colts. Win.

8-0 at the Jacksonville Jaguars. Loss. Yeah, I'll say it.

That was an old Henry-like plot twist. Yep. All right. 8-1 at the Titans. Win. 9-1 at the Bears. Win.

Well, you said that with conviction. 10-1 home for the Cardinals. Win. 11-1 home for the Falcons. Win. 12-1 home for the Bears on a Monday night. Hard win.

Rock hard win. 13-1 at the Seahawks. Win. 14-1 home for the Packers. Win. Fully erect win.

15-1 at the Lions. Yes. Loss. Okay. Why, because you're resting starters? Yeah.

Okay. Yeah, we're tired from winning. 15-2. We're exhausted from winning.

Nick Swardson. $1,000 Super Bowl. So clearly 15-2. You're the one seed going into the NFC playoffs. Yeah, we're going to smoke. That's a bye week.

You're off. And then two wins. You're in the Super Bowl.

And do you want to predict who the Vikings beat in the Super Bowl then? I think we beat the Las Vegas Aces. Asia Wilson is tough, bro. I'm going to stand by that.

Asia Wilson and Kelsey... The Las Vegas Aces. Now that would be quite a Super Bowl matchup. I'm standing by it. You heard it here first. What are the odds on that?

Well, Mark Davis would be there either way. That's got to be 8 billion to one that that happens. Yeah, do you want to look up the odds of the Vikings Las Vegas Aces matchup in this one? It's going to be a lot of money. I'm going to make a lot of money. All right, before I let you go, do you got a good grown-ups story?

Set story that you can tell? Grown-ups two. Okay. Whichever one.

Let me think. Yeah, that was a blast because it was, you know, all of us together. So like, you know, all those guys.

I remember I was an on-set producer and I would pitch jokes to Chris Rock. And then he never used any of them. Never once. I would be like, I go, hey man, what if you said this? He'd be like, yeah, all right. And then he would never say it.

So he would let you down nicely. Yeah. Okay. But I was like, God damn it. It's hard to write jokes for, you know, somebody like that.

And then I remember Salma Hayek got mad at me because she goes, Nick, Nick. And I go, what? She goes, you don't write any jokes for me.

I want jokes. And I'm like, no, you've got to be like, you're like the straight person. You know what I mean? Like everybody else is our idiots.

So like you're, you're grounding everything. You know what I mean? So it's like, if you're jokey, it doesn't work.

Like you've got to be like the straight person. And she's like, ah, I get it. And I'm like, yeah, just trust me. And she was very sweet. What, how much did it take for the fiber of your being to not please Salma Hayek and give her what she wants and how, how it was so many fibers.

It was a bed bath and beyond of fibers. Can you imagine the Salma Hayek saying, please do something for me. And you go, I can't, for my professionalism demands that I cannot give you what you want. I just, I know what I'm doing. I know how to produce comedy. But she got it. Yeah.

She nailed it. She's great. Okay.

She's brilliant. Yeah. Make joke from face toilet head. Make sure. Okay.

So that's warts and.net. Okay. Let's do this. Uh, make joke from face available now on YouTube in conjunction with 800 pound gorilla. Yes. Um, your new comedy tour toilet head.

That's so absurd. Well, that's an advance of genital uppercut. Yes. Right. That's the next one. You already came up with that. 25 genital uppercut. Um, it's launching this September.

Visit nickswardson.net for tickets. Yes, please. And then, oh, well, you'll be, if you're. So does this start before you're shooting happy Gilmore too?

It's synonymous. Same time. So you're going to be going back. It's going to be a little stressful. It's okay.

It's fine. It'll be great. You can handle it. Oh yeah. You can handle it.

Not my first rodeo. Okay. So, so you're, you're, you're playing like a Sam Snead type guy. You got like the, the gear, like the fifties gear, like a cheeky. Well, I got to throw my hair out and slick it back.

Like kind of like a greaser vibe, I think. Okay. Yeah. I hope that doesn't spoil anything.

I don't know. You could, you know, those guys. I don't know, you could, you know, those guys, I love it. Just guttural noises is a great Adam Sandler imitation.

That's my fourth special guttural noises. Christopher McDonald though. He broke the news that they were doing the movie before it was announced. I don't think he was really supposed to do that either. I got yelled at cause I did the same thing. You did? Yeah.

I announced it and then I got like an email from my agent. Was like, whoa, man. And I'm like, what?

Adam called me. Yeah. It's out of the bag. It's not green lit yet. I'm like, yeah, it's green lit.

It's happy Gilmore too. All right. So then let me ask you this. Red lighting that. Let me ask you this question. Who's red light. Let me ask you this question. How many people from the original are back?

Do you know the answer to that question? I just know me and shooter McEvan. Yeah.

Chris McDonald's coming back. Yeah. He told a great story when he was here cause they shot at a botanical garden, uh, for the first movie and he had, he had to make up the final pot. Like they, they kind of mowed a botanical garden lawn.

So it really wasn't like, it was probably like what, like a four on the stem meter or something like that. And he, he said that the, the crew was betting against that. He could make the pot. Oh wow.

And use that as, um, sort of an inspiration to just jam it back in everybody's face. Made the pot and that's when he came up with the shooter. Oh wow. I didn't know that. Yes.

He'd sold that story. That's amazing. He's awesome by the way.

Okay. I love that meme that's out there. It's him and tiger woods in a photo and it says the best golfer in the world and tiger woods. It is amazing what that movie, my kids cannot get enough of it currently. Yeah, it's amazing.

15, 13 and 10. They love. Dude, I can watch all that. Billy Madison, wedding singer.

All of it. Water boy. Yeah, it's amazing. For sure. Good to see you, Nick Swartzon. Rich, thanks for having me. Always.

I love you very much. Brock it like it's hot. That's right. Yeah. Yeah. And uh, you know, TJ feels the same way as you, that it's been too long for rings and we got to get one and you just have a 15 and two season in the books. Congratulations. 15 and two season, 80 to one odds.

So I just made $80,000 just sitting here. Just like that. Double or nothing against the Las Vegas Aces. Yep. That's going to be in New Orleans.

That is going to be great. I love you, Rich. Right back at you. At Nick Swartzon, both on Twitter and at real Nick Swartzon on Instagram.

Nickswartzon.net for the toilet head tour tickets and again, make joke from face available right now on YouTube with Nick Swartzon. Back with more. Getting ready for Mike Florio hour three to really dig into the NFL training camp season coming up. You want to sleep cooler while they like to feel warm. Sleep number does that too.

You have to feel it to believe it. Find the bed that's perfect for both of you only at a sleep number store. J.D. Power ranks sleep number number one in customer satisfaction with mattresses purchased in store and now sleep number smart bed starting at nine ninety nine. Prices higher in Alaska and Hawaii for J.D. Power 2023 award information visit J.D.

Power dot com slash awards only at a sleep number store or sleep number dot com. This kickoff time and believe podcasts are here to get you ready for the season. He wanted to change the culture and he wanted me to be a part of that. With believe you get immediate reactions, gain previews and expert analysis from all 32 teams, plus all of your favorite college teams. He's just rare in just about everything he does. Sideline to sideline, end zone to end zone. This was good for everybody. Just search. Believe that's BLEAV podcast wherever you listen. Then I went to Frederick, Maryland. OK. Frederick Keys. Frederick Keys. And they made these bobbleheads of which this is one of. Oh my God. A shooter McGavin bobblehead.

McGavin bobblehead. So guys, awesome. Here it is.

We'll have to place this in a in a very special spot here. It's funny, he's got the guns out, the double barrels leaning on his putter. It's pretty funny.

This is amazing. Did you realize when you were doing that Happy Gilmore that that would be something that would stick with you for the rest of your no idea? I don't think anybody knows when they make a movie if it's going to have legs like this. When it first came out, it was a moderate hit. But now people love it and quote it.

But it's neat that you own this shooter McGavin thing. Some other actors, I think, might not do that. Well, yeah, I enjoyed the movie. I was a joy working with Adam and Dennis Dugan, these wonderful writers. And, you know, it's just Judd Apatow is a co-writer. And these guys are, you know, comedy gold.

So to be with them and to have this movie last as long as it has, it's opened a lot of doors up for me personally and professionally. So it's just been a gas. And did you come up with the shooting? Yeah, I had no idea why they called him Shooter. Nobody told me anything. So I just started making putts and going shoot. But that was your call. That was my call. And the very funny thing about this movie, I told the story. But forgive me if I've told you before.

It's OK. Go for it. End of the movie. You know how I hate in a golf movie where they cut to the hole and the ball rolls in?

I want to say, could you please let me make it? It's about a 32 footer. And it's not on a golf green.

It's on a botanical garden. So he told me he'd give me seven tries. And that's try five. And I lifted out twice. But people were betting the crew was going to do that.

And so you see who your friend is. And when I put that baby in there and I did it. Chunk on that baby. And I just did that whole shooter thing.

That's the one they left in the movie. And it's so freaking wrong. Fantastic. Oh, having a lot of fun. We are here on the Rich Eyes and Show.

Why not indeed? Back on the Rich Eyes and Show radio network. I was out last week headed east. Just took a day and then went up to Maine for a couple of visiting days. I was Maine. No, Maine is great. You're one of your adopted home states, would you say? One of them, yeah, for sure. Or the one that I think you associate yourself with the most? For the most, yeah. My mom and my sister still live there. And your cell phone has the area code.

I'm still 207. Correct, sir. It's great. Until, you know, it's time to leave visiting day. And then it's the long green mile. Walking the mile. Oh my gosh.

Walking the mile. That's right. That happened yesterday. That very same exchange with our daughter. But everything's good. Everybody's happy.

Camps are great. It's awesome. But I missed some stories while being out of the chair. Yeah, you did. Got a top five right here. Top five stories that I missed while I was gone.

Hit it, please. High five. One, two, three, four, five. Rich's top five. All right. Top five stories that I missed while I was gone and out of the chair.

Go ahead and hit it. Number five is a story that we were kind of dancing around on that Monday before I left. So it was the four days I was out last week. Caleb Williams signed. Hey. He did sign. We were talking about he was unsigned going into training camp season. He said he wasn't handling that sort of stuff. There were other people that were handling that. But Caleb Williams signing on the dotted line. And kind of what it seems like asking for a few shoot your shot type requests. He was really going for it.

I mean, you don't get what you don't ask for. Right. I know exactly right.

Right. So that is number five on the list that he did eventually sign. And everybody concerned that would he do something that no other draft picks had ever done before? It kind of went like, yeah, I'll go to the team that drafts me. And yeah, I'll go ahead and sign on a dotted line. And Caleb Williams is number five on this list that he signed on the dotted line.

And it's just kind of normal, all good in the hood. And he's looking like he's going to play in the preseason. He's going to crush. He's going to be awesome.

It's ready. So that's number five. Number four on this list. This guy's going to Springfield, Massachusetts one day in the Basketball Hall of Fame. Unless he's going to be traded to a Hall of Fame to for or get waived after being acquired by the Hall of Fame, because that's what seems to be happening all the time for Russell Westbrook. Fifth time in six years he got traded. Clippers trade him to the Utah Jazz and then they waive him. So that's number four on this list right now is Caleb Williams signs his five. Number four is Russell Westbrook goes ahead and he's traded again. And he might join the Nuggets now to maybe run their second unit.

That's the missing piece that they needed this past year. I don't know. Crazy. Number three on this list of my top five stories that I missed. For the first time in a long time, the Major League Baseball All-Star game was better than the home run derby the night before the game was tight.

Am I wrong? I mean, the game was tight. It delivered on everything you wanted. First of all, Skeen starts, which is great. We got him versus Judge in the first inning. And he grounds out on the one pitch that he saw. First pitch he saw, he grounds out.

Judge was not messing around. I'm swinging right away. In the third inning, top three, National League scores three. Bottom three, American League scores three. Those six runs in the third inning were more runs than the two previous games had. The two previous games, All-Star games, were 3-2 finals. We saw more runs in the third inning than we did in the 2023 All-Star game and the 2022 All-Star game.

So you got to see it. And then, you know, your boy Durin hits a two-run shot in the fifth. And then you saw the scoreless innings and all that sort of stuff.

But still, we got the Stars doing Star things. So Tawny homered and the Red Sox have been super hot. They hit a homer. It was a really fun game.

Loved it. And so number two is Report. And, you know, obviously not to stray out of our lane here, you know, the big news over the weekend is Joe Biden stepping down. Perhaps he was inspired by Skip Bayless. According to the New York Post, Skip is stepping down from Undisputed.

Wow. I don't know putting FS1 before Country. He's not seeking. He's not seeking renewal. That's what I already thought he would do. But he's putting Country before FS1.

Wow. Good for Skip. It's really what he's doing. Good for Skip. Doing it for the Country by stepping down from Undisputed.

Shannon is the combo here. I'm confused. And number one, the story that I missed, Brandon Ayuk wants to be traded. Here's what's not going to happen. Get me out of here. I mean, you've seen the fantasy football stuff. Well, hey, Devonta Adams wants out.

So flip him to San Francisco and Ayuk can go to Vegas. You didn't see that one? No, that's fun. Oh, yeah. That ain't happening.

That's fun. Here's what's going to happen. The Niners and Ayuk will either come to a deal or they will not. And then we will just see how deep into the season Ayuk really wants to take this before he comes in and plays for a nice amount of money and tries to win a Super Bowl and then figure something out.

But one thing I don't think the Niners are going to do right now is trade this guy right on the outset of a season where they truly need him to win a Super Bowl, which they can do with him. And it'd be tougher to do without him. No doubt. But that is the top story of the week that I missed one more right here on The Rich Isaac Show. We'll get one more.

Oh, we'll do that. Hour three coming up right here on the program. Mike Florio.

Don't miss him. Here's number three. Pardon me.

Here's the one more. Boy, do I hate the Major League Baseball All-Star uniforms. They're ridiculous. They're so bad. Absolutely ridiculous.

What an embarrassment. And let me just tell people, let me just tell and I love how much do I love Major League Baseball. Please, can everybody just please give me a you do, Rich, because please, I am not buying these for my kids. I don't know of a kid that's going to say, Mom, Dad, can I get that softball league uniform?

Can I get one of those, please? Beer league jersey. Honestly, bring back the old school when we were kids All-Star games where they wear their own uniforms. And it is fun seeing a guy in a Red Sox uniform throw to a Yankee in a Yankee uniform. It is great to see a Cub and a Cardinal in their uniforms on the same field, as opposed to being some sort of totally antiseptic team uniforms. Totally, totally. Rich, Rob Manfred has heard you and he said that there's discussions and it looks like it's going to be.

They've got to do it. Nobody wants them. If you're trying to sell it to me to give to my kids to walk around, what, at Halloween as some generic baseball player? Like, maybe. Who are you? Who are you today? I'm a generic All-Star. What are we doing? I get it, man. If you want the uniforms, let them do them for the home run derby or something. Power three in the books, everybody.

For the actual game? Mike Florio coming up. Welcome to Talkville, the Ultimate Smallville Rewatch Podcast. Season four, I'm glad that it's over. I'm glad that it's over, as we know now that season five is supposed to be one of our better seasons. Obviously the tattoo storyline, you know how I feel about that. You hating that storyline brought me a lot of joy because I kept waiting to see how it was going to keep going and then how they would somehow settle it. Binge seasons one through four of Talkville before season five begins, wherever you listen.