Spiritual Purple Heart Wounds After Hours

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Welcome to Masculine Journey After Hours and we have a great topic this week. I'm just excited about it. We had more clips than we've had in I don't know how long and they weren't all from Andy or Rodney, which was amazing. Andy didn't even submit a clip. Rodney, you had a clip that you put in, but we're not using it.

Yeah, I tried to get another one. Rodney, I don't know about you, but I'm going home. Yeah, exactly. It's a great topic.

The amount of clips usually dictate that. Danny, credit where credit is due. It's your topic. Do you want to tell us a little bit about it? Well, it's spiritual wounding and the stories that bring hope to others. And so you're talking about your woundedness in a spiritual sense from your heart.

And it could be physical wounds, as you said earlier. I'll steal your line. And that, you know, that our stories can bring other people's hope. Yeah, I like the way you said it in the email that I, or the text string that I told you I didn't read, but I did, was, you know, the purple heart.

The purple heart. Right. You know, I mean, we've been through some stuff that's really kind of, it's kind of shot up a little bit, some wounding, you know, but that's not the final part of our story. So did you read the text or not read the text or the scripture? You know, you're flip flopping over there. I perused it. Perused it, yeah. I perused it, yeah.

I think that's the right word. Skim. Skim's another word, man. Skim, yeah.

Poserooshed it or something like that. That's a Boone version of perused, is Skim. I'm just saying, if you're from Boone, I'm not making fun of you. I'm making fun of Andy.

It's from Boone. Anyway. So back to the topic at hand. So we have a whole bunch of clips.

We're going to get another one here pretty soon. And so it's not your clip. I'm going to get the microphone. Yeah, it's Jib's clip. I was going to let you do it because I think of it as our clip. Sam wanted this one too. I did.

I just snuck it in first and that's amazing because that rarely happens. This is Good Will Hunting and I think we've probably had this on the show and we've definitely had it at boot camp. But this is a deeply wounded young man and his name is Will and I never can remember Robin Williams' name. Sean is his counselor. He's having anger management counseling.

And one thing that is not in this clip that is kind of important for our topic is and we're going into this hearing about how Will was beaten. But at one point Will asked Sean, have you had any experience with this? And he says, was seeing it? Yes. And he said, no.

I mean, have you personally had experience with it? And he said, yeah. He was beat by his father usually.

And the interesting times were when he was wearing his rings. But we're jumping in here where Will is talking about his abuse situation. So, you know, what is it like Will has an attachment disorder? Is it all that stuff?

Fear of abandonment? Is that why I broke up with Skylar? I didn't know you had. I did. You want to talk about it? No. Hey, Will. I don't know about it.

You see this? This is not your fault. Look at me, son. It's not your fault. I know. It's not your fault. I know.

No, no, you don't. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. It's not your fault. It's not your fault.

Don't. It's not your fault. Don't fuck with me, all right? Don't fuck with me, Sean.

Not you. It's not your fault. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

I'm so sorry. This is more of a major breakthrough than it may sound like in the clip, because Will is totally in control of his emotions and every situation we see him in. And he's brilliant, so he can pull that off. But the one thing that really got to me in this related to our topic was Will asked him if he had experience with that. And I kind of wondered if he would have trusted him with his heart and with that breakthrough if he had just been a counselor that had dealt with it in the past as opposed to experiencing it himself. Yeah, as you listen to that clip, great points, Jim. As you listen to that, how many times does Sean have to tell him it's not your fault?

And Will's replies, yeah, I know. I know it's not my fault. And there's this whole in my mind I may know it's not my fault, but in my heart there's still a fortified area that has to be broken through to. And so you have Sean that keeps on that, like a dog on a bone kind of thing, right, and making sure he's on it until Will finally hears it and finally believes it to be true. Yeah, because that deepest place that's very, very hard to dig into and grasp is called forgiving ourself.

And that's what's underneath. It's not my fault. Of course, Satan's made such a great case for you in whatever your wound is that you got yourself into this, and it is all your fault, that my own experience with that clearly time and time again, and this is the place that it requires Jesus in my opinion, right, that it was what he did on the cross that actually paid for what it was that was my role in that, but also provided me with an avenue where I could in fact forgive myself because the most difficult place in any wound I've ever gotten down into to get the healing is right at that point, and it's not the only clip we use at boot camp where you hear it's not your fault, but knowing it's not your fault in your mind and accepting it in your heart are far, far, far different things, but as Danny's brought up and everybody's brought on the topic, it is there in your heart that that's what Jesus has gone after is your whole heart. Yeah, you're exactly right, Robby, that what ends up happening at least for me in some of the major wounds that God's worked on in my life is I'll get to the point where I forgive the other people, but that's not the final place of forgiveness. The final place of forgiveness is where the enemy, as you said, had me twisted and tied around how it was my fault in some way. I mean, I needed that breakthrough at this last boot camp on something I've been praying about for quite a while. And it took a person coming up to me that God had laid some stuff on their heart to talk to me, one of the attendees at the camp, and then through our listening prayer time. And those were people that didn't know that part of my story.

They knew some of it, but they didn't know to the depth that they spoke into. But coming from boot camp, I feel significant freedom because I was at a point now where I could let that down and forgive myself. And I think what's key about that, and the whole point I was bringing up with how many times he had to say it, is God's right there with us. He always is.

He's never going to leave us. But a lot of times he chooses to use helpers to come along and guide us through that, someone that's been down that journey before. And that's every one of our ability to do that if we let God do that.

I would be willing to bet that 90% of the people listening are in the same boat we are. I mean, I am the hardest person for me to forgive. I'm quick to do it.

In fact, I think anybody with even a modicum of compassion is going to forgive others before they forgive themselves. Sorry, I used a big word, Robby. That means a little bit. Pose, sir. You know, every time I think I get a word up on you, Jim, you've got to bring up a new word. I really wish he was posing, because then we'd have something on him. But he actually knows what he's talking about. That's the sad part. Some of that bathroom tissue word has, like, word of the day.

So I can look at it every time. All you had to do was be a boring kid like me and read the dictionary when you were in grammar school and find new words, because it was fun. Modicum. Modicum. Modicum. Yeah. M-O-D-I-C-U-N. We've got Harold Spellinger over here.

Harold Dator. I thought I heard that on one of the other episodes. Modicum. Maybe we could put that away.

Maybe it would be like the last of the modicums or something like that. Yeah, exactly. So, Danny, did you have a question for anybody? I'm just wondering.

Yeah, I would ask, what wounds is it that you would say God has dealt with you and has brought hope to somebody else? Well, Andy, you have the mic down, so. Wow. It is after hours, too.

It is after hours. Yeah. Okay.

It's time. So, you know, I thought a lot about this, and there's wounds in my life that I've talked about. The thing that I, whenever I started going to boot camps that I didn't really see was my father wound of him being absent in my adolescent years and stuff. And that's big and stuff, but I guess probably really the wound that got me focused and kind of got me searching and where I found Wild Art, boot camps, this ministry and all that was when me and my wife separated ten years ago. And so at that time, it was before I'd connected with the ministry and all, I had a friend who had been through this same ordeal that I was going through, and he was just a godsend for me. And at the same time, I got Wild Art, handed it to him.

It really helped him. But there were things that he could really speak into my life and help me know kind of what was going on, because I was a mess right then. It was devastating to me, and it was something that I felt like I looked back, and I had a lot of, it is my fault. I feel like I was cavalier in how I handled my marriage.

There were a lot of things that I just kind of did and just did because and didn't really invest in my wife as I should and those kinds of things. But there was just some things out of my control, too. And he really helped me through a lot of that. And it really got me through a difficult time. And then as I joined this ministry, you guys have been great in helping me see things, speaking into my life. A lot of you guys have been through some of the same situations. And so we continually, it's not just one person that God usually uses.

It's a multitude. And since this is a process that's happening over time, so you're going to get more and more people in different perspectives at different times. But what's been cool, though, is I really have sought to use my story. And you guys have heard some of my story at boot camp. But, you know, there's been a couple guys that God's brought into my life. I had one guy call me up a couple years ago, probably two years ago or whatever, and he was going through the same thing. And I was able to speak into his life, tell him about what I had went through with discovering my heart, through while the heart and those things.

And I haven't heard much from him, but I know that he and his wife are still together and stuff. I know that I was spoken into somebody that's really close to me that I worked with and it really got him through a difficult, or I didn't, God got him through. But my, you know, my story helped him a lot. And there was a story that we worked on a daily basis and that I had to go into, I was able to go into a level deeper than I ever had before because of where he was at and that he had ears to hear at that time. So, you know, I know that God does that. I mean, people, I've been both a receiver and a, you know, a helper on both sides of that. And I know this stuff works and I know that's how God intended to be.

Yeah, that's a great point, Sandy. I was thinking about, for me, my first boot camp that I spoke at. I did the wound talk and God laid it on my heart to talk about molestation issues as a kid and I really didn't want to talk about it. Honestly, I was ashamed. I didn't really want to talk.

And I knew I had to. And at that particular boot camp, when I first shared it, there was no less than three or four guys that came up to me after, one of them in tears. You know, just saying, I didn't think I could ever talk about this with anybody. You know, another guy that I met, you know, for lunch for about the next six months, you know, off and on, just talking through some of the stuff.

And he was also seeing a counselor and so we were just talking through his friends. You know, it was great that, you know, that God said, this is something, there was an intent behind having me do it, even though it was painful. And I got a lot of healing in it, but a lot of the thing that came on the backside was, wow, God, you can really use this for other people, which was really cool. And I don't know why I doubted that, but the enemy gets you so twisted that you believe that you're not, I can't think of the word that, you know, you're disqualified. Yeah, damaged goods. You're damaged goods, you're disqualified. And we're all disqualified without him, right? Which leads me to Bob Young's, one of his favorite things he says is, what I thought made me disqualified makes me uniquely qualified, right? As he had a struggle with drugs and he ended up teaching this youth group and time again, you know, they come because what you think in your story makes you damaged goods is actually, the beautiful thing about it is that God's the hero of the story, right?

I boast in my weaknesses because through my weaknesses, God has shown to be as strong as he possibly is. Who you want to pick on now, Danny? Rodney. You want to pick on Rodney? Homeless Rodney. Homeless Rodney.

Home on the range. Yeah. So, what do you want to pick on? Danny, not me. Why are you looking at me?

Because you're the one that had the mic and now he's got one. Your story. Yeah. Story of hopelessness turned into hope.

Yeah. And you can take it in either direction when God's brought somebody into your life when you thought you were hopeless or times that he's brought others into your life that you've helped for a season. Yeah, because there's not one that I would go out and say that I've helped in a season. I know that in this group, we've all had different things that have helped us think of different things and has helped us to realize stuff.

Like Andy was just saying, his story, there's definitely some stuff in his story that's helping me have strength in this time. But I would say that, for me, the fact that the ultimate poser of who are you, well, I am whoever it is you think I am. So, I want to be the person that thinks whoever you are. So, if I'm coming in front of you, Sam, and you've got this opinion of me, that's when I'm going to be to you. If Robby has a different opinion, that's when I'm going to be to him, for Danny, for everybody in my life, for this group of friends or for that group of friends. I could always say, oh, I'll turn that part of me on for that group and this part on for that group. And until I truly came to Christ, that was what mattered, what you, whoever you are, thought of me.

So, I would just live in that and say, oh, well, that's what's really important to me. And I would swing on that big vine, back and forth, that pendulum, from got the highest of highs when, boy, they're happy with me, to where they're not happy with me, I got the lowest of lows. And back to your suicide issue, I remember when I went to a counselor one time and have you ever had depression? No, I've never been depressed in my life. Have you ever thought about committing suicide? Yeah, all the time.

Who doesn't? You know, you think whatever you go through is normal, and he's like, that's a sure sign of depression. And I'm like, what?

If that, then doesn't everybody have that? And kind of find out that, well, some do, some don't. But that was like, okay, I've really got to think a little more serious about this. And then coming to Christ really was the moment which I've only remembered two times that it's ever entered my head as a, oh, I want to do it again. And I used to think about that all the time. And to not think about wanting to kill myself because I am living for someone else who is in me and living a different life. And it's like, that stuff just doesn't even come into my mind because I'm not thinking that, I'm not reading about that, I'm not worried about what Robby thinks about me, you know?

Who cares what Robby thinks, you know? But that's just where I'm at. And it's just, I never thought I would be there.

I never thought I'd have that monkey off my back. Thank you for sharing, Rodney. I want to remind you of something.

And I need Robby's help. I asked you to respond to Warfare Talk a couple of boot camps ago. Yeah, I remember that one.

At Park Springs. And there was something in what you said that really spoke to your heart, Robby, right? Oh, absolutely. Led to some breakthrough for you.

Yeah, the way he highlighted bigger agreements was actually, I think he termed it. And you threw this one out of disappointment. Like, I feel like I'm a disappointment to people, which speaks into what you were actually just talking about. And when he said that, I mean, it hit me like a brick. Like, man, I have always felt like I was a disappointment to my father. And I was sitting there in tears realizing I had this giant father wound that I didn't even know I had as a result of you sharing, you know, your brokenness in the same kind of disappointment field. And, oh, what God's done with that as a result of, you know, what he did with you. So that's exactly to the point, Sam, of, you know, as we get breakthrough, and you know how many times your breakthrough has helped me.

And, you know, everybody at the table, as they push into the stuff that hurts, right? Because this isn't easy stuff to work on or that you want to bring up and go into. But as you push into the healing, man, what you do for your whole community. And I would not have pushed in to mine if Sam wouldn't have said, hey, would you like to respond to that?

And, you know, where am I going to go with that? Because my major father wound was I don't matter. Which you saw, you hear as disappointment, and it's like that triggers you, and then Andy's will get triggered, and it's just, it's really neat to watch what God does. Yeah, and it's interesting as you talk about that, you know, similarly for me and my dad, you know, a lot of my story, the message I got was you're not a priority, right? And so you can see how the enemy has a certain attack that's directed uniquely at you, but it's so similar because he attacks us all in kind of the same ways, right?

And that was made clear by the exchange we just had. We have wounds that have been healed that by sharing with others can help them through theirs. And they do too the other way. It works both ways. But if we're not sharing, we're just being the island, the rock, then you don't get healed, I don't get healed.

So you actually have a microphone in front of you if you want to go ahead and share some of your story. My major wound is one, and it's wearing my heart on my sleeve. I've nearly lost my marriage. He's looking for my heart on my sleeve.

It's under the blue blood there. But I basically nearly lost my marriage. I was a long way from Christ. I fell for a Proverbs 7 woman, and I never actually got the shaft through the liver, but it felt like it. And that process brought me back to God, back to my wife, brought both of us back. God used that to throw us back together and get us into a church where we both were worshipping and healing. But so many times in my ministry now, I'll run into guys that are pursuing the Proverbs 7 woman. And most of them don't listen to me and say, well, I wouldn't have listened to anybody either, but it prepares them for the healing on the other side.

And God will get hold of you unless you do get the shaft through the liver. I need to go peruse Proverbs 7 and figure out what you're talking about. Not 31. Not 31. Not 31. Get the right Proverbs lady, right?

So you have a microphone in front of you as well. Yeah. I was reminded of a story that years ago I had a friend who worked in the court system, and because I had come through addiction and recovery, she would send us guys every now and then and say, hey, I really think this guy needs help. Well, she sent me this one guy. He was living in the woods, and so I took him and got a hotel room for him. He ended up still in the woman's microwave doing all sorts of different stuff. And every time we would want to go to a meeting or something, he'd have an excuse.

And I'm thinking, you know, the disappointment, something I'm not doing right or something. Well, there was a guy living in a room next to him that every time I'd show up, he and I would talk, and he ended up biting on the hope. And he ended up getting into a halfway house and got his life straightened out. And last I knew of him, he was clean and sober, and his whole life turned around. And he wasn't my target, so to speak.

And it's just an interesting story. I don't know what happened to the other guy. I'm pretty sure he opened up a microwave shop somewhere. Yeah, he did. Yeah, well, he was your target. It's just the target God had for you, not the one that you had for you. Yeah. Right, that was given to you. Harold, do you have any more to share? Do you want to share any more on this topic with us as we move a microphone over towards you?

It's working its way down. I think the Proverbs 7 woman is the one that is alluring the innocent, young, rather silly boy that's trolling down the streets. Oh, I see Jim all over that. My husband has gone on a long trip. We can have a good time. I fixed up my bed, da-da-da-da-da.

Without going into any detail, I will say that I had a situation like that, but fortunately I wasn't the stupid young man that got his liver pierced. Yeah, the temptation is always there, isn't it? Yes, very much. Well, thank you, Harold. So, Danny, we've got another briefly a minute or so.

Any final thoughts on this topic you'd like to share or any questions you'd like to ask? It's like you get in another clip. We can't get in Robby's clip. We can't get in the duck clip. I've intentionally talked long enough we could not get Robby's clip in. There's a wounded duck in the room, I'm just saying.

There is. Jim has a Bible verse to share. It's Proverbs 7 something.

It's 721, so you don't have to look it up later because I know how much trouble you have with that. Yeah, that's me. With much seductive speech, she persuades him with her smooth talk. She compels him. All at once he follows her as an ox goes to the slaughter, as a stag is caught fast till an arrow pierces its liver, as a bird rushes into a snare and onto you. Okay.

So, unlike Donkey, you're comparing yourself to a stag, not a steed. If you don't know Shrek, again, just reach out. We will pray for you at masculinejourney.org. Go register for the boot camp coming up March 31 through April 3. We'd love to have you there. If you have any topics that you'd like for us to cover, please reach out to us to any of our names at masculinejourney.org. You've got Robby, Rodney, Danny, Andy, Jim, Harold, Sam, Wayne. As many as you want. We'll talk to you next week. This is the Truth Network.