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December 16, 2020 5:00 am
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Randall was caring about my rent and get you know the race activity going on in my calm and barbaric when Jenny discovered her husband's emotional affair. She was devastated. Thankfully, she found resources at our website to heal her marriage, I think I am lying and I like like a conduit pulled together and he lives in been broken hoping to get her through broken and three hurt and heartache.
The Jim Daly working together we can rescue more hurting marriages like Jenny's and give families hope please join our marriage restoration team by calling 800. The A in the word family or email@example.com/hope in your gift will be doubled. And I remember being at church and praying to God and saying I place my baby and your strong arms bring peace to my soul and got sent back to me.
You know I understand because I had to give my baby to and when the God of the universe can come down meet you right where you are. I understand your pain, I get it I had to get my BBQ and I gave my baby for you. How you at that point you just have to trust you.
Just know that he will work it out.
Your baby can PC and in the right home, get that's Lindsay Pepin opus talking about the decision to give up her baby for adoption. She's back with us today were also joined by her mom Scarlett and her aunt Beth to tell the rest of this incredible story on John Fuller and hostess focus president and author Jim Daly John last time we heard incredible stories you sent from Lindsay and from her mother, Scarlett, and I think if you missed the program. First of all get the download go get the phone up whatever you need to do. It was one of the boldest, most transparent conversations about parenting in this modern culture, but I think I've had her focus is that good and the reason is is that Lindsay was so transparent as a teenager and ending up her senior year becoming pregnant and how she was living this double life and trying to please mom and dad. A good Christian home winning all the stickers for her high-performance, yet having the secret that she and her boyfriend were physically intimate. During that period of time as well and she ended up pregnant. It's a good gripping story of how to manage these things well and I said, throughout the program.
Last time, if you have an experience you might.
This is the kind of instruction that you're going to need in there in a much better place now. We heard that in their relationship last time, but today were to continue the discussion because last time we didn't get to the decision. What are we gonna do now with this baby and this is the most critical point and is a pro-life organization. We wanted to make sure we cover this most important aspect of the story and that is frankly life is the better choice and we referred last time to the book that Lindsay has written along with Scarlett and Bethany called joy will come exchange shame for redemption and I we have that in a lot of helpful resources as well including our counseling team. If you need to talk to somebody about life situation all that detail in the episode notes Scarlett let's pick up last time I had a little while to think about what we discussed and I'm thinking back to the day you said was that Saturday morning, and Lindsay, you knew from the previous Wednesday that you're pregnant you just hadn't told your parents yet that loneliness that grief that guilt you can sleep at night you are having night terrors. Those few nights, and the Saturday morning you came down and told your parents and it all exploded. Dad was pounding the table saying who was it who did this Scarlett you are no no no and left the room. I appreciate that. That's how most of us will react if we go through something like this.
I want to go back to that night. That Saturday night, so that initial blow was come, you done your best to comfort Lindsay yet to try to figure out what were going to do what was that discussion. Like in the bedroom between you and your husband Brad section.
The first time we've been alone that day he and I and and laying there in silence.
Just hearing that the clicking of the fan about us in your speechless, you just like I said, just like you've been punched in the got there's what you say how do we get here.
And yes, we felt like it was we did we get here and I looked over and I I saw my has been laying there on his pillow and a tear was trickling down his square jaw as it hit his pillow with his lip quivering, he said the formula doesn't work and you exactly what he meant. But I I decide to be quiet and let them go ahead and talk it through and said you like you do at just the right way. I mean we did the programs we took her to church.
I did the father daughter dances.
We had a purity ring doesn't work. The formula doesn't work and at that point, when you're only 24 hours into it, there's there's no solving it. There's no trying to patch it up real quickly. You just have all motions lain there, Lindsay, and I'm sure Scarlett you had to be feeling like okay the question to answer is what now and would have to go and all those details, but that the rock-bottom place of you did go to Planned Parenthood so abortion must've been something that you maybe thought of describe that place where you are out at that point was that one of the options you're considering abortion wasn't necessarily from the get-go. One of the options that we did go to Planned Parenthood I found out later that they did present us with that as an option. They provided us material. They gave us information and assess for a decision right then. When I stated before I was in complete and utter shock to. I couldn't even hear herself to be asked to make a decision right from the get go. It was we just need to leave you now.
We need to leave and I not to say that it never crossed my mind because there was a really dark day when I did think about. I could fix this I can to make this all go away.
I could've removed all of this I could've not told my parents I knew from the beginning and it's crazy how you feel this way.
I immediately loves that baby on the third day that I knew I was pregnant.
I remember reading that the baby is the size of the sprinkle and so I went to Walmart and I found biggest sprinkle I could find if I wanted the baby to be big and I remember thinking all my kindness, Mike Beatty says sprinkle you are connected.
Yes, I just, I mean it.
Send me you can never explain. As a mother's love, and it was from the moment I knew that I had to go see what is my baby look like you have to go see sprinkle and it was. I definitely had those thoughts and definitely thought about the negative side of things, but I just know for myself that I love that baby so much. I knew I wanted to be the best mother I could be for that baby already and I knew that baby was alive and I knew that life had already started and that there was a baby and me.
You know, this is one of the observations. That is, hit me, especially in the last year, you know, with all the activity at the government level state level to either increase or decrease abortion course again were pro-life organization. So we applaud all those efforts to really reduce or eliminate abortion altogether. We support that the thing that that I've observed though.
Think of Planned Parenthood and other abortion organizations that have been able to convince a woman to rob her of that natural instinct of a mother what you just described. I believe every woman actually has definitely that instinct for protection. Nurture and it's a powerful thing to think they have been able to separate women from that God-given natural instinct to some extent. Definitely on especially when that conversation starts when you're in complete and utter shock and you have no idea.
You know even where to find the door to get out of the room is in so much shock that those conversations are arty starting and thankfully I had a solid base in the way that I grew up you know that you know I knew that regardless of the situation that we could not appear to be upset that we would figure it out, and I knew regardless that you know I had Artie been trained that life started in the loop so I Artie knew that there was availability and I knew there was arty options and I think sometimes women don't think that there's any other option they feel trapped. They don't know the family will miss the other aspect of this part of your story in today's program that obviously there's multiple options for a woman in this environment were Roe V Wade, it's legal to have an abortion, but adoption is definitely an option and keeping the child is an option, and one thing that I'm told by Robin Chambers, who heads up our optional ultrasound project which is where we place machines in pregnancy resource clinics and work with these clinics in their in most communities and we love these grassroots efforts to try to reach a teen girl like you like to inform her to show her ultrasound of her baby so that she can make it better decision which obviously were hoping it's for life. But there is a stigma in our culture about adoption right you know women would unfortunately choose to simply get the abortion not have to deal with this. Rather than have a baby have their baby adopted by others that we need to turn that arrest a culture that is that's a far better solution than terminating the life of the child.
All right, that's all the commercial I want to say there but the point of this is what decision remaking. How did the decision come about when did you know were going to put this baby up for adoption months and months and months of not knowing baby growing inside you.
You're not sure others and you will have the baby is not sure what the next step – four months for months and months of counseling. I mean, I went to a counselor weekend. That's one nice thing about having perfect parents if they can find you a perfect counselor and that's a free thing to do is I want listeners to know that there is counseling out there. Every Christian counseling. I'm telling you we heard from a couple who said and to listen in four years ago, their family went through something similar and they told me that they called focus help them.
So that's exactly what that was free to work here for details, but OKC got the counseling yeah and I we went to an organization call crisis pregnancy outreach in Tulsa and and there we attended free counseling. I tenets up groups and adoption support groups for women who are in a place their babies for adoption as well as women who work in a parent at a young age so they provided those resources and it's funny, it's easy when you're not in a situation to say what you think you and I never out before I was a senior. I would always see girls at high school and be like, they should place a baby for adoption.
That's the best think that maybe they should place that baby for adoption.
But when it's your baby and you have to think through to get this baby to somebody else misplacing a call somebody else mom this maybe cynical home to somebody else and tell them about their first bad day this baby on their wedding days can have some other woman sitting at their drafts and you think it's easy to say you should place your baby for adoption. But when you're in the situation. It has to be something that God tells you to do that God walks you through that. You see, the right people, you get the right counseling because ultimately when you compare what you're going to go through, it's gonna be tough, but it's can be so much worth it.
Then the option of killing your baby. We'll never know.
You'll have the what if you're not even the physical pain of what you go through the boarding a baby versus the adoption process. You get to see your baby afterwards which is very good and ultimately choosing life is the goal. There Bethany, I want to turn you know you are scarlet sister-in-law and Lindsay that your husband Jeff your heroes in the story. I'm so grateful to have you. Your part of the story was amazing to me as I read it tell us about what happened when you were 13 and how did that play into the situation and anyways I spoke to me as a child was that I would have dreams or pictures I would see things in when I was very young to even 413 I would have the same dream of this little girl and she sat on the second appeal of the church and I was standing on the stage and I would look at this little girl with this beautiful brown hair flowing over her shoulders in his big bow on top of her head and I saw the same dream over and over and over again and I just remember in my very first journal entry at 13 years old. I wrote down I saw the little girl again. I don't know who she is but I know one day I'll get to help her. Okay this is beautiful because God is weaving this story in all of your hearts so you choose for open adoption.
Jeff, brother of bread comes home and says guess what and what did he say what had gotten up very early on a Saturday morning to nurse our nine month old who never slapped effort and he crawled on the floor next to me yet. Got home late from being with his brother's the night before he caught on the floor at 6 AM. I knew something was wrong and he said Lindsay's pregnant and I couldn't quite process that is like there's not a Lindsay that could be pregnant, you know, like, wait, wait. Lindsay light senior in high school. Lindsay, she's pregnant and so much happened in the next hour that I'm not even sure how to even start explaining it. I always wanted to adopt my whole life I felt so so so strongly just out of the last like five years leading up to that God would say plant the seeds and Jeff and Jeff and I would talk about it and he would not really be that which is not something that you didn't respond so I get that done so that in that moment those years that those seat that had been planted.
We decided one hour to offer to adopt that baby that's amazing. And also, though it connected to the dream 100%.
I didn't realize it at the time when did that happen when did you go wow she's the girl I just remember I was praying I was driving somewhere and all of a sudden I saw the little girl like it like it is that the memory popped in my mind and I just started weeping have to find the journal. Where's the journal I need to journal, so I ran home as fast as I could opened up my very first journal and not scribbling little kid handwriting. 13-year-old and I don't know who she is but I know one day I'll get to help her and I just started weeping on the floor of my closet, which is why it always been my time with the Lord. Growing up, so I have obviously written on the floor of my childhood home in my closet I found that I sat there in my closet and cried because I knew in that moment that this is my little guy told me God had prepared me from childhood to become a child that God is preparing all of the things that he's called us to do long before we ever even know that there can be a part of our lives. That is wow story. I mean, that's like the book of acts, you know that God is giving you this passion for this person all those years earlier and then Lindsay. I mean, I'm hearing. No Bethany with that mom's voice.
Looking at your face because this is really unique. She's talking about you.I know and how do you feel in that regard have been my heart was actually because of if you're just a little bit older. Right in a different position and may be married, the boyfriend, it would be different. But are you okay by me as I tear up because at the end of the day God works all things out for the good God new from the moment that Kinley was conceived that Bethany was supposed to be her mom. God new 20 years before Kinley was concluded to formation of the universe that Kinley's mom was supposed to be in God through multiple confirmations and multiple discussions shared that with me and brought me into that and at the end of the day. I had to be the best mother I could and that was to not be Kinley's mom because I knew that the correct mother was Bethany and I being the best mother I could do was releasing my child in choosing the best life for her, and I remember being at church and praying to God and saying I place my baby in your strong arms bring peace to my soul and got sent back to me. You know I understand I had to give up my baby to and when the God of the universe can come down and meet you right where you are.
I understand your pain, I get it because I had to get up my baby too and I gave up my baby for you. How you at that point you just have to trust in you just know that he will work it out that your baby is going to be safe and in the right home, get the God of the universe caught my pain. The first all the time. No one understood me, knowing me, nobody understood me. But the God of the universe that while this is Focus on the Family with Jim Daly and what conversation you're having with our guest today is tissue days and that's okay. It's good having with hearts I know Lindsay Pepin opus and her mom Scarlett Pepin, Andrea Bethany Pepin talking about some very difficult things, it may be that, as Jim said before the you are struggling. You got this kind of situation and you don't know where to turn, were here for you. Focus on the Family is a phone call away with curing Christian counselors. It would be a privilege for us to talk with you 800 the letter a in the word family 800-232-6459 Lindsay, Bethany, let me direct this to you because there is that moment where the handoff occurs.
You know you've just given birth. I'm sure there's many things running through your mind through your heart Bethany you're about to embrace this trial that you've dropped about that you journaled about as a 13-year-old describe for me for both of your perspectives.
I thought that the hospitalist can be really set I was preparing myself for a very sad couple days and am kinda what the book is based off the verse at the base of the sorrow may last for the night but joy comes in the morning and I labored all night and it was very painful and very sad and very emotional, and when she came in she started crying.
I mean, it was the happiest day of my entire life. It was such a joyful moment and I thought all any time alone.
I need to hold her angry and it was now let's have a party. Look what the Lord did everyone come and come see her. I was so proud of her. So ecstatic. I was so happy and it really the hospital experience was so so joyful and I had some great moments with her right got to just hold her and memorize her face and look at every little detail of what God had created and what he had died and then the next day it was time for her to go home and she got to go home before I got to go home. Felt a little weird and I will never forget the image of her in the carrier says she's facing backwards. As they left the hospital rooms.
I saw a really cute face and then you know that's what it was another okay were going into the new season of grief, it's time to now go through new challenges of now, how do you how do you walk through losing the most precious thing you own half and how do you walk through that. Did you walk through the with a lot of Jesus a lot of my mom a lot of counseling. A lot of tears even a point where I was on antidepressants and how to get some medical help, but at the end of the day. The one thing that never changed. Was Jesus never left my side, my piece on my decision. I never wavered on my decision because I knew that I knew that I had heard the Lord and I knew they knew that I was doing the best thing for my baby and said that never wavered. So the physical and the emotions definitely happened but my spirit was at rest. My spirit was at peace and I mean the God of the universe never left my side. He embraced me, wrapped me in his arms was there as I would ball on my floor. He never left my side once and kept his promises throughout it all, and the first year was the hardest year but I mean it's just they're still tough times. As you can tell he still cries out for full Leo yeah but ending at the end of the day. I have the most healthy, happy, beautiful daughter and she has the best life.
I could've ever dreamt for you do this, what was your feeling of the handoff so to speak.
I was so torn. I didn't understand how somebody else's brokenness can lead to my miracle. I to try and wrap my head around to take this perfect, amazing baby girl home, and while I understand I could never understand what Lindsay was walking through the dichotomy of God in my mind. I still can't wrap my head around it. Call me a hero wonderful not since the very beginning. Lindsay is always here. Question Lindsay was always the hero God told me before we even adopted Kinley. He said that you're not doing anybody's any favors, said this is my gift to you.
And so we went home. This is just Katie.
We went home and my daughter was best to have my oldest daughter Reese was best to have a birthday party.
The day that Kimi was points. Of course we did 24 hours to kill him a little early. Only 24 hour baby to a houseful of 60 people literally three hours after she and as we move out of the house for the party happened seven years later and images for ever burned in my mind.
Lindsay had just given birth sitting on my couch. She came to this birthday party and she sat there holding Kinley her one day old baby. She had handed off to. She came from the hospital and sat on this couch and how this baby and I said that is what a mother. It's that is what another sacrifices that is the true essence of the mother whether she ever calls her mom or not.
That is what a mother is and that's the last thing I sat there and cried over as we moved out of the house was the image of this mom sitting on his couch, holding her baby you got so sweet. Okay the close of business you know you have all demonstrated amazing heart and the amazing heart of God.
Mom and dad, Lindsay, the occurs, you just are described by Bethany awesome you can take that for the rest your life. That's a good thing you got your whole life and from you, and free Bethany and Jeff raising that gift God's given you.
This is also good. Let's turn it to those that are listening that, you know, again, are there just going through this, or will go through and to those who might support abortion right because it's a tough moment. What do what we need to do to convince that person to rethink about where the rat yeah no shock and the pain is real and you're validated in your shock and your pain.
Not so real, but there is joy that will come after that. There is a child in the balance in that it God works all things out for the good times at the enemy meant for Harmon works it for the good in take some time. Exhale the shock wear off before you make decisions think it all through go here ever all your options. Evidence available that ultrasound. See your baby and just know that regardless of if you decide to parent placer child for adoption that God has your baby will never leave you and he will never leave your baby, it's good. The adoptive mom just tell people all the time. Put your yes on the table sometimes got asked to do crazy things are obedience and that's how we wrapped up this two-part best of 2020 episode of Focus on the Family. It Jim, I think all of us here in the studio had tears in her eyes as we finished out the conversation that we do. John and I hope the people who support our optional percent program are listening that young women like Lindsay and babies like Kinley that you are saving from the heartbreak of abortion.
Bethany mentioned a dream she had about adopting a little brown haired girl and I want women with unplanned pregnancies to know that if they're willing to choose life there baby girl or boy can be the fulfillment of another persons dreams. If you want to get on board with what were doing her focus and help not just hurting women thousands of families need hope. After such a challenging year. Please join our support team. When you donate today will say thank you for joining the support team by sending a copy of that book one will come exchange shame for redemption number is 800 K in the word family donate book will have a link in the officer's on behalf of Jim Daly and the entire team. Thanks for joining us today for Focus on the Family I'm John Fuller inviting you back, or help you and your family thrive in Christ life was fragile in the old West trust in God reliance on prayer and the level family were necessities for a perilous journey and that still true today. Artist Morgan Wessling captures these timeless themes in his new special edition signed giclée from Focus on the Family. Morgan calls it a prayer for new life, a reminder of the sanctity of life in the harsh environments of this world will find a special place in your home for a limited time you can get this special edition print this on the family.com/prayer for life