The Comparison Trap

From the Salvation Army, you're listening to Wonderful Words of Life. Welcome back to Wonderful Words of Life. I'm Bernie Dake.

And I'm Cheryl Gillum. And we're glad that you're with us. Well, we're in our third week of our new series on finance, and today our friend Mike Harris shares with us, I think, one of the greatest enemies of our piece when it comes to our finances, the comparison trap.

How much do we measure our success by comparing it with others? Trying to keep up with the Joneses. It's the dumbest thing. I don't understand why we do that. I don't either. The comparison game is a difficult one because it often makes you want to go buy things you don't need to buy because someone else has that, or you just feel like you can't live without it because someone has it. You're not going to believe this, Cheryl, but the Bible has something to say about this very thing.

What's that, Bernie? I'm glad that you asked. In Galatians chapter six, verses four through six, it says, Each one should test their own actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone without comparing themselves to someone else.

That's such a good word. For each one should carry their own load. Nevertheless, the one who receives instruction in the word should share all good things with their instructor. Now, I don't want to take the Bible out of context ever, but at the end of this day, when I read that scripture, it's pretty clear, don't worry about everyone else.

That's right. And Paul tells us also just to be content. Content, whether you have or whether you don't have. Amen. Be content because it's not about material things.

You can't take those things with you into heaven. So the comparison trap will always leave us wanting more. It's really the opposite of contentment. And if we go back to last week, it's impossible to have a heart of gratitude if we're never content.

Mike and I discussed something during our conversation that really stuck with me. And one of the first comparison traps we can get stuck in is with our parents, especially when we're young. Just starting out on our own, we may compare where we are financially at 25 with where they are in their 40s, not seeing everything it took for them to get there. As an example, I've got young adults in my life who are trying to buy a house and they want the house to be like the one their parents are in now, but they're just getting started in life. It's okay to have something smaller. They didn't go through the lean times with their parents.

They're perhaps in a different phase in their life and their parents have been able to invest and reinvest, upgrade as the family got bigger. It's those things. We don't need to compare ourselves with other people. Right. We have to have a starting point.

Right. And that's another reason for parents out there. It's so important to talk to your kids about finances. I read a survey recently from the Financial Capability Network that said fewer than a half of parents surveyed said that they felt well-prepared for money conversations with their kids.

I mean, that's mind boggling. Absolutely. And the other thing is when you start having a family, are you ever fully financially ready to have a child?

No, never. I mean, it's a terrible thing to say, but I think you almost just have to get in and get to it, you know, and trust God to provide and He will. He does. And to give you wisdom to manage and steward what He's already given you. Amen.

You know, and when we use those principles, the truth is, is that He'll take care of us. We'll have enough. Absolutely. Well, we hope you're enjoying this series. We'll have a link to this survey on Facebook and Twitter. So be sure to follow the Salvation Army Soundcast or visit us at salvationarmysoundcast.org. Well, welcome back. It's exciting for me to have a friend and someone that I think the world of in Major Mike Harris as our guest for this series, specifically talking about financial things and helping us understand what it means to be stewards.

We've talked about what it means to trust in the Lord and really to just have a peace about our finances. And I think that peace, as we learned last week is the enemy of stress. That was a great quote. I don't know who to actually give credit to that quote for, but we're going to give Mike all of the credit for the things that are said here, unless we're reading scripture. Is that okay with you, Mike? Oh, you're very kind. Yes.

Thank you very much. Probably more than I deserve. Our producer was talking about one of the things that we can get in a bad habit of, or in a bad practice of, is the comparison trap. Comparing what we have to others or maybe trying to start where our parents left off only to realize that that house we enjoyed growing up took our parents 30 plus years to afford or take care of.

How do you feel about that kind of idea, the comparison trap? It's tough, isn't it? Because I think a lot of mentalities, mindsets, so much of what's about us is formed in those early years of life. So the model of what a family is and what a family has surely comes from the home that we grew up in. So I get it.

I mean, I really do. And perhaps in my life it would have been easy to follow the same track until I was called to officership when suddenly it was cast in this different world. My parents are not Salvation Army officers, so cast into this different world where the comparison was just taken away from me. So perhaps I have an objective standpoint there because it's simply not a world I'm in.

So I can certainly see, therefore, the dangers of that or the temptation to look that way. Now I know that our listeners who maybe are seeing this in video form or have seen pictures of us on social media will find this hard to believe. But Mike and I represent the late 60s, early 70s as far as our childbirth. We were born several years ago.

My boss always likes to tell me that I'm in my sixth decade of living, which is hard to consider. But I say that because back in those days in the 70s, you had two parent homes, primarily one parent working and one raising the children. It's a completely different society that we live in today.

Most parents or guardians are working one job, if not multiple jobs to try to stay ahead. And a lot of it has become because we are people of excess. How does that hit you, Mike? And again, now a lot of this can come down to sort of personal philosophy. And of course, as best as I can with everything I do in life, I try to sort of contain it to what scripture guides me upon. So I think about the home I had growing up.

You just described it very well actually. My dad worked hard. He worked for the Salvation Army Assurance Society back in the day. And then later, a group called the Wesleyan and General.

He sold insurance is what he did. Whereas mum stayed home, certainly through our early years. And so that was the model I saw. My parents didn't have a lot of money.

Christmas was about the only time we would see any level of excess. And then it was all relative, I think, to what life had given otherwise. And what I like about that model is I do think it has a biblical standard. I do like the idea of mum being home and nurturing the children and raising us.

Whereas you fast forward now to the world that you described, which is the world that we live in. And in many ways, the way that we're raising our families, where you've got both people working in the house, and some of the child rearing is being farmed out a little bit. And children get a daycare in the mornings. Obviously, the school system is a lot more hands-on than it used to be.

Babysitters will come into the equation. So I think we've kind of given up some very important roles because of the desire to pursue what we feel is what we deserve. I think, too, when we get into the idea of comparing ourselves or what we have to what others have, it can lead to stress. So help me understand, if I'm to be at peace, is it okay to just be comfortable with what I can afford? Yeah, living within your means is huge. That's stewardship. Stewardship is not charging everything on the credit card. Stewardship is not getting into deep debt, which is what that temptation will ultimately lead to.

Getting more than we can afford. Yeah, I think contentment is recognizing what we have is what God has given to us, and that he will give us the ability to live within those means. We have a mutual friend, and now a retired officer, and a man named Colonel Mark Bell, who always reminded us that you could never outgive God. And I, many times, saw at that point Major Mark Bell empty his pockets of whatever he might have had monetarily to help someone in need, or even just take a break in his day to feed someone who had been asking for help. He would give all that he could, knowing full well that God would continue to provide for him. And I would often compare myself, my own faith in that practice, but in this way, and I always like to use this passage from Hebrews 13.7, remember your leaders, particularly the ones who spoke the word of the Lord to you.

Consider the outcome of their way of life, and to imitate their faith. And Mark, to me, was a wonderful person. He showed me how to give joyfully. I don't know if I've said this before, but he would give reluctantly, in a sense.

I'm not sure his wife always agreed with him, emptying his pockets of their finances. But I'm grateful for that type of leadership. I think that as Christian people, if we are stewardly, if we are taking care of our finances, if we have a peace in God and trust him to provide, that sometimes we can, we should practice that sort of generosity.

And then it takes the focus on what we have to maybe what others don't have. Yeah, it's interesting, Bernie, you talk about Colonel Bell, because I observed that he was my divisional commander for two years. And he practiced that both personally, but also with his role as steward of Salvation Army resources.

As a financial secretary, the guy that's charged with watching the finances, he's almost a financial secretary's nightmare, because he was so generous with the money. But I was the recipient of such a gift. In fact, this pertains to something we've been talking about off air, if you will, because I remember vividly as I'm trying to create or find some way of putting together a music program in Fredericksburg, Virginia, how at the end of a meeting, having prayed at the mercy seat with a young man who had just graduated from college, the prayer being, what am I going to do with my music degree? And I prayed with this young man.

I get away, the meeting finishes the same meeting, the meeting finishes, we're milling around, it's a family camp in Virginia, we're milling around and Major Bell, as he was then, now of course, Colonel Bell, called me over. And he said to me, I want to give you, pointing to me, $30,000 to hire him, pointing to David Mirzioski. Bernie, that $30,000 was a God given gift. That has affected hundreds and ultimately be thousands of children, hundreds of children in that community and persuaded many of them to Christ. Now that was God just putting it on his heart in that moment. But I saw the other end of that.

He released that money, even though I know full well, you could say they couldn't afford to do so. But praise God he did. Because of what it became, it goes back to what I talked about earlier, which is I believe if we're missional in the Salvation Army and bother about souls, then God will make sense of it all and provide. Amen.

We've seen that time and time again. Mike, I'm encouraged by your sharing with us. And I pray that our listeners have something that they found that they can hide in their hearts as strength for their journey.

Come back next week and hear more of what Mike has to share with us. The Salvation Army's mission, Doing the Most Good, means helping people with material and spiritual needs. You become a part of this mission every time you give to the Salvation Army. Visit salvationarmyusa.org to offer your support.

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