Lessons From a Dysfunctional Family | Part 1

Jacob and Esau's sibling rivalry reminds us of why we should put all of our trust in God.

Listen to Adrian Rogers. Now, if there was ever a guy that was shady, it was old Jacob. Now, was Jacob good or bad? Well, Esau despised his birthright. Jacob wanted it. Jacob wanted the right thing. He had a heart for God, but he couldn't trust God for it. The blessing was already his, and he's like so many Christians today who are scheming and trying when they ought to be trusting God and putting things into the hands of God.

He was fighting a battle already lost rather than enjoying a victory already won. Welcome to Love Worth Finding, featuring profound truths simply stated in the messages of pastor, teacher, and author Adrian Rogers. Hebrews chapter 11 includes a reference to the story of twin brothers Jacob and Esau. You find that in Genesis chapter 25.

They were the sons of Isaac and Rebekah, and together they were a family plagued by favoritism, deception, and betrayal. Hebrews 11 reveals lessons from a dysfunctional family and offers hope for those who face unrest in the home today. If you have your Bible, turn there now. Hebrews 11 will begin in verse 20 as Adrian Rogers begins part one of lessons from a dysfunctional family. Go to God's precious word and find the book of Hebrews chapter 11. In a moment, we're going to look at verse 20. We're talking about champions of faith, and the champion that we're talking about today is Isaac.

When we first see him, however, he doesn't seem much like a champion. He seems like a failure of a father who is leading a dysfunctional family. Now, the title of the message today is lessons from a dysfunctional family.

You say, pastor, how did you know about my family? Well, there are a lot of dysfunctional families. The family is meant to be the seminary of heaven, but I'm afraid for many it is an incubator of hell. There is a war on the family, and Satan is systematically trying to dismantle the family. Twice in history has civilization come to the place where the idea of the family totally disintegrated. One of those times was 300 years before Christ with the Greek civilization, and the second was in 33 AD with the Romans. Both times when the family disintegrated, the institution of family was done away with in the hearts and minds of people.

Both times the community, the culture disintegrated because the family itself disintegrated. Now, it just seems that there is a war on the home, but there is hope. Now, look here, if you will, in Hebrews chapter 11 and verse 20, and our Hebrews verse is only one verse today. By faith, Isaac blessed Jacob and Esau, concerning things to come. Now, that's just one verse in the New Testament, but it relates back to an incredible amount of material in the Old Testament. I'll just bookmark there in Hebrews chapter 11 and go backward with me to Genesis chapter 25. Now, Genesis, the first book in the Bible, that's easy to find, and when you found it, we're going to find an amazing story of a dysfunctional family, but we're going to see that there was amazing grace for this family, and there can be for yours. Genesis 25, I want to begin reading in verse 24, and I'm going to read 10 verses to you.

It's a background for all that we're going to say. Now, there was a man named Isaac. Isaac had a precious wife named Rebekah, and Rebekah prayed, and Isaac prayed that they might have children. God answered the prayer and opened Rebekah's womb, and she had twins, and now we're going to break in in Genesis 25 verse 24, and when her days to be delivered were fulfilled, there were twins in her womb, and the first came out red all over like a hairy garment, and they called his name Esau, and after that came his brother out, and his hand took hold on Esau's heel. Now, twins are being born.

The first one is red and hairy. The second one comes out, and we're going to find out later he's very smooth-skinned, but the little guy's holding on to his twin's heel, and his name was called Jacob, and Isaac was three-score years old when she bare them. Isaac now 60s, having his twins, and the boys grew, and Esau was a cunning hunter, a man of the field, and Jacob was a plain man. That literally means a smooth man, a smooth-skinned man, dwelling in tents, and Isaac loved Esau because he did eat of his venison, and Rebekah loved Jacob.

Two boys, twins, but, friend, I'm here to tell you they were not identical twins, and already we're going to find out that there's trouble brewing in the family because there is preferential treatment and favorites. The father has for his favorite of these twins Esau. The father looks to Esau, and the mother has for her favorite Jacob, and Jacob became mother's pet. Now, notice in verse 29, and Jacob sawed pottage. Plain English, he cooked a stew, and Esau came from the field and was faint, and Esau said to Jacob, Feed me, I pray thee, with that same red pottage, for I am faint. Therefore was his name called Edom. And Jacob said, Sell me this day thy birthright. And Esau said, Behold, I am at the point to die.

What profit shall this birthright do to me? And Jacob said, Swear to me this day, and he sware unto him, and he sold his birthright unto Jacob. Then Jacob gave Esau bread and pottage of lentils, and he did eat and drink, and rose up and went his way, and Esau despised his birthright.

Now you've got to get the picture. Jacob, a homebody, a mother's pet, he learns to cook. Esau, a hairy red hunter. He was a man's man with hair on his chest. He loved to go out and shoot things. One man's instinct was to kill.

The other man's instinct was to protect. And these brothers are going divergent ways, and Esau has been out in the field. He's been hunting, and he comes home. He is bone weary, and he is hungry. To say he's hungry is an understatement. He's worse than hungry. He's hungry. You ever been hungry? He's hungry, and he wants something to eat. And about that time, something comes to his nostrils, and it's the whiff of a glorious stew. And old Jacob has cooked that stew, whether he did it on purpose to entice Esau, I don't know, but I can imagine it has a base of lentils, but doubtless there's some potatoes, and there's some onion, and there's some garlic, and there's some oregano in this, and it's just simmering there on the pot. And Esau says, Jake, hey, buddy, share your stew with me, will you please? He said, no, this is not for you.

This is for me. Hey, look, man, I am about to die. I want some of that, he called it red. That's what he called it, red. Some of that stew, evidently it looked red, it was red. He said, no, this is not for you.

This is for me. He said, look, look, guy, you don't understand. I am hungry, and I want that stew. He said, oh, you really do, huh? All right, I'll tell you what. I'll tell you what. You just give me your birthright.

You can have the stew. The Bible says that Esau traded that over in the book of Hebrews for one morsel of meat. He despised his birthright. Well, now, what was the birthright? In these days, there was something called the birthright, and it normally belonged to the elder son, and Esau was the elder son because he was born before his twin, but God had said the birthright was to be to the younger son in this instance because God is overruling that baby, and the birthright was going to be to the younger son. So, the birthright was already Jacob's, but Esau evidently thinks it is his. And so, Jacob says to Esau, Esau, you want some of my stew, then we'll make a deal.

We're going to shake. I get the birthright. You get the stew.

We both get what we want. And Esau, he would have given almost anything for that stew, so he just says, yes, fine, and he sat down and ate and drank the stew and some bread, and that was the deal. Now, what was the birthright? The birthright was the blessing of Abraham. Remember that God called Abraham, and God said, Abraham, I'm going to make your blessing to all the nations of the world, and that blessing is going to come through your descendants.

And so, the first descendant was Isaac, and now the next descendant is going to be Jacob, and then from Jacob is going to come his sons, the 12 tribes of Israel, and on and on until you come to Messiah. This is the blessing of Abraham. It involved protection. It involved prominence. It involved prophecy. It involved all of the things that were wrapped up in this blessing called the birthright. Now, here the stage is set, and so these two brothers have gone through this deal. Now, the irony of this whole deal is the birthright already belonged to Jacob, but Jacob by nature is what we would call a schemer, a con artist. Now, the stage is set for our story today as we're going to be talking about lessons from a dysfunctional family.

Are you ready? The first thing I want you to see is what I'm going to call the failure of a dysfunctional family. If there was ever a family that could be described as a dysfunctional family, it had to be this family. Now, I began reading in Genesis 27, verse 1 this time, and it came to pass that when Isaac was old and his eyes were dimmed so that he could not see, he called Esau, his eldest son, and said unto him, My son, and he said unto him, Behold, here am I. And he said, Behold, now I'm old.

I know not the day of my death. Now take, I pray thee, thy weapons, thy quiver and thy bow, and go out to the field and take me some venison, that is Esau, son, go out and kill a deer for me, and make me savory meat, such as I love, and bring it to me that I may eat, that my soul may bless thee before I die. And Rebekah heard when Isaac spake to Esau, his son, and Esau went to the field to hunt for venison and to bring it. Now a drama is about to unfold. The stage is set and on center stage are four of the most incredibly unspiritual individuals you've ever seen. They make the core of this dysfunctional family.

I want you to look at them. First of all, enter the sensual father. The sensual father is Isaac. Isaac says, Esau, go out and kill some venison and bring it to me, savory meat, that I may eat, and then I'm going to bless you. Now he's going to bless the wrong son and he's going to bless the wrong son for the wrong reason. And if you read this passage of Scripture, the words savory or meat or venison appear about 20 times.

Here was a man given over to his appetite, to his senses is what we would call a sensual man. And he does not have his eyes on the things of God. As a matter of fact, he's trying to override the things of God to satisfy his own appetite. Now you fathers listen to me. This is not just history.

Here's a lesson for you. There are so many fathers today in America who are doing exactly the same thing. They care not for the things of God.

And they have a plan for their children, and they never sought the will of God for their children. And these men are mastered by their appetites, by alcohol, by sports, by business, by pleasure, by sex or whatever it is. These are sensual fathers who are heading up dysfunctional families and they're bringing all kinds of damage to the family, it may be you. Here was Isaac, a man who had been a spiritual man who in his old age became a carnal man.

That's the morning that ought to be. He represents the flesh, that old sensual nature that's in us, a sensual father. Now, if you are a sensual father, the day may come when all of those things that you thought were so important will not seem important.

You would give this world, if you had it, to have your son sober again, to have your daughter come back home again, to have your marriage resurrected from the dead. But here is Isaac. He is a sensual father. He is the first person in this drama. Now, enter the second person and that is not the sensual father, but the scheming mother. Rebecca now has been eavesdropping. She's in on the deal and so she decides that she's going to contravene what Isaac has done.

She's not submissive to her husband and she is outside of the will of God because she's trying this time to do a right thing the wrong way. Verse 7 now, begin in verse 6, And Rebecca spake unto Jacob her son. Now remember, Jacob was her pet, saying, Behold, I heard thy father speak unto Esau thy brother, saying, Bring me venison and make me savory meat, that I may eat, and bless thee before the Lord before my death. Now therefore, my son, obey my voice according to that which I command thee. Go now to the flock and fetch me from thence two good kids of the earth. That is, you go get two real tender little goats and I will make them savory meat for thy father such as he loveth.

She's saying, Look, son, go out there and get two little goats. We'll kill them. I know how to fix them. I can fool your father. He will think it is venison when I get finished with it.

I know how to do it. Evidently, she was quite a culinary expert and she could take those tender little goats and mix them with some carrots and some onions and potatoes and some oregano and some spices and some garlic and some cloves and stew all of that together and serve it to him. And he would think it's the best venison he ever had. And so, Thou shalt bring it, verse 10, to thy father, that he may eat, that he may bless thee before his death. And Jacob said to Rebekah's mother, Behold, Esau, my brother is a hairy man, and I am a smooth man.

My father, peradventure, will feel me, and I shall seem to him as a deceiver, and I shall bring a curse upon me and not a blessing. And his mother said unto him, Upon me be thy curse, and my son only obey my voice and go fetch them. Now, Jacob was not the last son to ever be hurt by a scheming mother.

Now, the birthright already belonged to Jacob. Rebekah was trying to do a right thing, but she's trying to do a right thing the wrong way. She's become dishonest.

If the devil can't keep you from doing a wrong thing, he'll try to get you to do a right thing a wrong way. And here is this mother who is scheming. She's trying to protect her son. You listen to me.

Listen, Mom. She lost the very son that she was trying to protect. As you read this episode, it is not soon until Jacob is driven home and Esau is on his trail ready to kill him, ready to murder her pet son that she loved. And he's driven from her. She will never in this lifetime see him again. She will never hold him. She'll never hug him. She'll never kiss her grandchildren.

She loses by scheming the very thing that she is trying to keep and protect. Mother, the best thing you can do to keep your child is to give him away to God and to trust him to God and not to your scheming. And now you have a sensual father.

Now you have a scheming mother. Now, here's the third participant who comes into this drama and it's what I want to call a shady son. Now, if there was ever a guy that was shady, it was old Jacob. Now, was Jacob good or bad? Well, Esau despised his birthright. Jacob wanted it.

Jacob wanted the right thing. He had a heart for God, but he couldn't trust God for it. The blessing was already his and by trying rather than trusting, he begins to get into all of these deals where he trades stew for the birthright that was already his and now he tries to deceive his old father to get what was already his. And he's like so many Christians today who are scheming and trying when they ought to be trusting God and putting things into the hands of God. You see, God has blessed us.

We have a birthright. Ephesians 1 and verse 3 says, Blessed be God and the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, blessed us with all spiritual blessings in heavenly places in Christ Jesus. He was fighting a battle already lost rather than enjoying a victory already won. Now, a sensual father, a scheming mother, a shady son, and now a sorry brother enter the last one. And this is old Esau himself. Genesis 27 verse 30, And it came to pass, as soon as Isaac had made an end of blessing Jacob, and Jacob was yet scarce gone from the presence of his father, Esau his brother came in from hunting, and he also had made savory meat and brought it unto his father, and said to his father, Let my father arise and eat of his son's venison, that thy soul may bless me. And Isaac his father said unto him, Who are you? Who art thou? And he said, I am thy son, thy first born Esau. And Isaac, underscore this, trembled very exceedingly and said, Who?

Where is he that hath taken venison and brought it to me? Satan of all before thou camest, and hath blessed him. Yea, and he shall be blessed. And when Esau heard the words of his father, he cried with a great and exceeding bitter cry, and said unto his father, Bless me, even also, O my father. And he said, Thy brother came with subtlety, and hath taken away thy blessing. And he said, Is not he rightly named Jacob?

The name Jacob literally means supplanter or conniver, and Esau planted me these two times. He took away my birthright, and behold, now he hath taken away my blessing. And he said, Hast thou not reserved a blessing for me? And Isaac answered and said unto Esau, Behold, I have made him thy lord, and all his brethren have I given to him for servants, and with corn and wine have I sustained him. And what shall I do now unto thee, my son? And Esau said unto his father, Hast thou but one blessing, my father? And he, even me also, O my father.

And Esau lifted up his voice and wept. Now, here was a man who was living for the things of this world. He cared not for the birthright.

Now, as I said, Jacob at least had a heart for spiritual things. At least he wanted the birthright. At least he cared for it.

Esau despised it. Now he's weeping. He's not weeping because he lost the birthright. He's weeping because he lost the influence and the possessions and the power that might go with it.

He, his sorrow is the sorrow of remorse, not true repentance. What a messed up family this family is. And yet God was at work in this family and God did something for this family.

And I want you to see that God can do something for you. So, what we're talking about, first of all, is the failure of a dysfunctional family. Now look at the faith of a disciplined father.

By the way, if the family is wrong, most likely the father is wrong. Notice that when Isaac really realized what has happened. He comes in here. He eats the venison.

He thinks it's wonderful. He smells the clothes that are on Jacob because Isaac holds him and says, yeah, there's the smell of the field. He's a man and outdoors there's a woodsy smell on his clothes. And then he feels Jacob's hands and Rebecca had taken the goat out of that goat and had put those goatskins on the back of Jacob's smooth hands and on the nape of his neck. And old Isaac now is listening and feeling and touching and smelling and all of his senses are deceiving him and he has blessed the wrong son. But then it dawns on him what he has done. And the Bible says that he trembles exceedingly.

That is, he is shaken to the core. God now has shown him what a fool he has been. He is tremendously under conviction because God has chastised him and he realizes how carnally, willfully, deliberately he has tried to override the will of God and for his own selfish, carnal reasons to bless the wrong son and God brings him to repentance and faith. And God tells me something right now that Isaac in his heart really loved the Lord. And coming up tomorrow we'll hear part two of this important message but maybe today you have questions about who Jesus is or what he means to you, how to place your faith fully in Christ and what he did for you on the cross. Go to our website, lwf.org slash radio and click the tab at the bottom where it says, Find God's Love.

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