Caller says, "Wherever they are, meet them where they are ...it's easier than arguing!"

Are you enjoying this podcast? I mean, I really hope so, because I'm John Butler and I've helped produce Peter's show, Hope for the Caregiver, since it began. I'd like to think that I'm responsible for the explosive growth this show has enjoyed.

I'd like to think that, but it doesn't necessarily make it so. But all that aside, Peter and I do have a really just fantastic time doing the show. We really love it. In this podcast, we not only publish things from the show, but also include some special bonus materials. We really don't want to have like a subscription section that would exclude people from something, but would rather make all of this available for free to hurting caregivers. You can help us out with that by clicking on the Become a Patron button. For as little as a dollar a month, you can be a part of the world's number one podcast for family caregivers and help out a lot of people who are really in need of it. There's all types of gifts that we'd like to give to you, depending on what tier you'd like to join.

Maybe it's $5, maybe it's $10, whatever you'd like. Consider sponsoring this podcast today and help strengthen family caregivers. Thanks so much, sincerely. And remember, healthy caregivers make better caregivers. Welcome back to Hope for the Caregiver here on American Family Radio 888-589-8840. If you want to be a part of the show, this is the nation's number one show for you as a family caregiver.

Hopeforthecaregiver.com Before I get to the cause, I'm just testing something really quick. I've done something rather extraordinary. I've got a keyboard here that I've hooked up and then I'm going to eventually work it out so that Gracie can sing and I can play live here on the show. So just see how it sounds here. So how's that sound? Is everybody all right with that?

I'm just doing a test. She's not singing today, but we're going to do that. She doesn't like to get up real early on Saturday mornings, but we'll figure that out as we go along. All right, let's go to Carrie in Ohio. Carrie, good morning.

How are you feeling? Okay, thanks. Well, I really enjoy your program. I look forward to you. Yes, I look forward to you every Saturday morning. I'm always right on the dot to turn it on to hear you. It's been very, very helpful. And you know, I tell others too, and there's a time or two if I'm at work and I cannot hear you at that time, I would like the archives.

And I've come a long way with technology, but I'm not like a lot of people that's really, really good. And I was wondering, is there a way I can get some archives then? Absolutely. It's a free podcast. I put it out there. You can go to hopeforthecaregiver.com and you'll see it right there on the front page.

We're available. You can podcast it through iTunes. You can do it through Podbean. You can subscribe to any of those ways. Alexa, Google podcast, whatever. But you can just click on the link. It'll take you right to the podcast and then you just click on follow and you'll get a push on your phone every time that we put a new episode.

We've got almost 400 episodes out there now. And so we'll put this show out there today and it's a free podcast. There's an opportunity if you want to be a patron of the show, you could do a dollar a month and say, hey, you know what? I want to make this available for everybody because we don't want to have a membership page where certain information is not available unless you subscribe and all that kind of stuff.

We just don't want to do that. We'd rather make sure that everybody can get whatever they need to get and you can for as little as a dollar a month or whatever's on your heart, we'll be glad to have that help on it because we think it's important for caregivers to have this resource. And we'll put out special bonus stuff. I'll put out stuff of Gracie singing, some music or friends of mine who have something I feel like is something that's going to be helpful to caregivers. We'll just keep pushing it out there because we want to make sure you have as many resources available so that you don't feel alone in it. And it means a lot, Carrie, that you took the time.

I'll tell you what I'm going to do because of this. Would it be all right if I sent you one of Gracie's CDs? Oh my, that'd be great. Thanks. Well, I'm going to let Rob, he's our producer here today, and I'll let him get your information and we'll send you one of her CDs.

How about that? Great, thank you. Now go out to hopeforthecaregiver.com. Look around the site. We also have the blog out there. We have all kinds of stuff that's available, but the podcast is right there on the front page. You can just scroll down and then you can click on it to subscribe it with your phone and do whatever works for you. We'll get those things for you. But there are tons and tons and tons of episodes out there and the podcast has become, best guess, the number one podcast for caregivers in the world.

We have regular downloads in over 100 countries and it's really been very effective and so I want to make this available to as many people as possible. So Carrie, thank you very much for your interest in that and thanks for listening to the show every Saturday morning, okay? I really appreciate that. Yeah, my pleasure.

Thanks. Alrighty. So don't hang up. Don't hang up, Carrie. Rob's going to get your information. I'm going to talk to Bill here.

Bill in Virginia. Good morning. How are you feeling? I'm feeling well. Good to hear. Good to hear.

Tell me what's on your heart and mind this morning. Well, I guess I need to say I'm a former caregiver. I helped my father when he had Alzheimer's and I guess I lived with him for about a year and a half. And he became weak and unsteady and started falling and I didn't want him to fall and die on my care so we did put him in a nursing home at that point.

And at that point also, they tied him to a wheelchair and it beeped every time he got up and so he never walked again but I did have him out walking every day. And his flights of fancy became quite a matter of interest and mutual discussion. He would see people out in the woods. We lived in the woods and you know, there was on top of the hill and down the hill, he would see people out there and sometimes they were his friends that he was supposed to go meet or they would come up and meet him at the house and then other times, there were people spying on him. And you know, that's where he was so I talked to him like that. We conversed about these folks. I'd given up on arguing with him that they're not being people out there.

You know, I think that's a thing a lot of caregivers, when you deal with dementia and things such as that, that they want to argue with their loved one and you found there's no need to do that, is there? No, we just talked about wherever his flights of fancy were taking him and he seemed to appreciate that. He'd elaborate and just, you know, it was, I don't know, it messed me up. It tore my heart listening to him but at the same time, I felt like I needed to talk to him like man to man. So I did. Did you feel like that you got a level of closure with your dad that was helpful to you?

Yes, I did. You know, after it was approximately 18 months and you know, I got to do more than I ever had the rest of my life. Actually, we've had kind of a stormy relationship over the years and wasn't too many years previous. He threw me out of the house two, three times.

I wasn't living with him but I was living down in Alabama most of the time until problems came up in the family and I moved back to Virginia but you know, he's getting mad. One of the things I want to do with this show and my fellow caregivers and myself is we know that most likely, this thing is going to end with us standing at a grave in some manner but the goal is to stand there without clenched fist and to be at peace with ourselves, our loved one, family and friends that maybe didn't help the way we wanted or even with God. Do you feel like you were able to do that, Bill?

Yes, I do. I think once I started talking seriously to him that we seemed to have some nice conversations even though they were entirely figments of his imagination but we were able to converse intelligently and he's an engineer and I'm an engineer. We spoke the same language and got on quite well. If you could say one thing to caregivers that are dealing with what you're dealing with, before I let you go here, would you just take a moment, what would you say to a fellow caregiver going through a similar journey, what would you say? Wherever they are, meet them where they are. It's easier than arguing.

You just end up in frustration when you argue so just talk to them about what they're seeing and experiencing and it's interesting and just listening to the way their mind is working even though it's working in weird ways. That is a great, great place, a great line to give. Wherever they are, just meet them where they are. Isn't that what God does with us?

He just meets us where we are and sometimes we're talking nonsense and God meets us right where we are, doesn't he? Well listen Bill, you've been an encouragement to me this morning and I thank you very much for calling. Rob got your information, I'm going to send you a copy of Gracie's CD and I really do appreciate you calling Bill, this means a lot. I love your call and thanks for listening to the show and thanks for being a part of what we're doing here, okay?

Well thank you very much for your show. Gracie, I've listened to her sing in time or two. She can get it, can't she? Yes she can.

She can get it. She's lived to sing about it and she's the real deal and bless her heart, I tell her she's tougher than train smoke. When she sings, I've got a buddy of mine out here that's really a big blues aficionado, loves the blues. And he was in the music business in LA and now he's out here where we are in Montana and he's got a studio that he said, I really want to get Gracie down here and let her sing some blues. And Gracie never sung blues, he said, hey man she's got a right, she's got a right to sing some blues. That was pretty funny.

So we're going to see how she does with some of those things but we've found some great songs that I think that she's going to really be able to sink her teeth into and we'll have some fun with it but I love that she's got a right. Bill, thank you very much for the call, I do appreciate it so much. This is Peter Rosenberg and this is Hope for the Caregiver. Hopeforthecaregiver.com, there's the podcast, there's the blog and if you want to be a part of supporting what we're doing on here, you can do it right there. Hopeforthecaregiver.com slash giving, and it's a tax deductible gift that goes to the overarching ministry of what we do at Stating with Hope and we'd love to have you be a part of this. If you like what we're doing, help us do it more. Hopeforthecaregiver.com. You know, healthy caregivers make better caregivers.

You know that? Today's a great day to start being healthy. Alright, doesn't matter what happened last week. Let's deal with today and let's move forward. We'll see you next week. Thank you so much.