Non Caregiving Caller Wants To Better Understand How To Help Caregivers

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Call 866-WINASIA or to see chickens and other animals to donate, go to CritterCampaign.org. Have you ever struggled to trust God when lousy things happen to you? I'm Gracie Rosenberger, and in 1983, I experienced a horrific car accident, leading to 80 surgeries and both legs amputated.

I questioned why God allowed something so brutal to happen to me, but over time, my questions changed, and I discovered courage to trust God. That understanding, along with an appreciation for quality prosthetic limbs, led me to establish Standing with Hope. For more than a dozen years, we've been working with the government of Ghana and West Africa, equipping and training local workers to build and maintain quality prosthetic limbs for their own people. On a regular basis, we purchase and ship equipment and supplies.

And with the help of inmates in a Tennessee prison, we also recycle parts from donated limbs. All of this is to point others to Christ, the source of my hope and strength. Please visit standingwithhope.com to learn more and participate in lifting others up. That's standingwithhope.com. I'm Gracie, and I am standing with hope. Welcome back to Hope for the Caregiver here on American Family Radio. I am Peter Rosenberger. This is the show for you as a family caregiver.

888-589-8840, hopeforthecaregiver.com, 888-589-8840. Carlos in Mississippi. Carlos, good morning. How are you feeling, Carlos? I'm doing well.

Thank you very much for asking, and I appreciate what you do, what your organization does. I'm not a caregiver. I just listen to the broadcast, and I was just absorbing the information that you're putting out. And so I came across a colleague that happens to be a caregiver, and I did follow through with some of the instructions you gave, looking to them, asking them how they're doing. And so my question for you is, when they start reverting themselves back to the one that they're giving care to, how do you redirect them back to themselves?

Because that's the issue I had. Well, first off, thank you for doing that. That is so cool, Carlos, that you're aware of that and that you have accomplished in that one sentence what this whole show is about, is equipping people to be able to ask about it. They're going to struggle with that. They're going to revert back to speaking in first-person plural and third-person singular. So you say, how are you feeling, and then they will say, well, he had a bad night, or she's not doing real well, or our situation is this. And they have a very hard time using the I-word of I am struggling. And so what you can gently do, and I don't know what the relationship you have with them, and make sure that it's not on the fly, where they're trying to do seven things at one time. Just say, look, I know that what your loved one is going through is really important, but for this moment, I'd really like to just hear how your heart is doing and just give them the space, because they may start stammering, they may start tearing up. And so make sure you're very gentle with them, because they're not going to be very good at this.

And then go from there. It's like I said in the earlier segment, you know, say, look, I see you. I see you in this, and I see the magnitude of what you carry.

And I hurt with you. How are you feeling? And if you'll notice on this show, the first question I ask for every caller is, how are you feeling? And I'm not trying to do this that we're basing our sense of well-being and our theology on how we feel, but it's a starting point for a caregiver to learn to express what's going on with their heart.

And I don't really care what comes after the word I. They can say I'm mad, I'm resentful, I'm just discouraged or whatever, but at least we're now having an honest conversation. And we can go from there and just see. And listen to that quiet whisper of the Holy Spirit to give you that insight of what to ask. Sometimes you don't need to ask anything.

Sometimes you just need to be. The fact that you're inquiring about them at all oftentimes is a sufficient step to move them off of this entrenched block that they're on. Think of it almost as really, it's more like they're in quicksand, and it's just sucking them in and sometimes just asking them how they feel and not letting them get away with not answering the question, but not in a mean way.

Just being very gentle gets them to a place where they're standing on a piece of solid ground for a few moments. And it's so important for their soul to get some oxygen. They're almost suffocating. You know, we're all wearing masks right now. And do you, at given points, do you know how it feels when you wear that mask after a while and you feel like you just can't breathe? Carlos, you know, you just like, oh, yeah, somebody get this thing off of me, you know, kind of thing. As soon as you get in the car, you just want to rip this, you know, like that. That's the way a caregiver feels all the time.

All the time. And so you want to help them get to a place where they can just take a breath. And what that looks like is being in a quiet place or, you know, in a safer place with somebody like you, Carlos, what you just said. You're looking at them, you're seeing them, you're wanting to engage with them.

And so then you can go from there into things, you know, when's the last time you saw your doctor? And things such as that. It's really no more complicated than that. It's just learning how to speak a new language. And caregivers have their own language. And they really do. And it's just, I'd love to say it's more complicated than that, but it's not.

And so it's just a matter of speaking in their language. But you know what, Carlos, that's what Christ does to us. He comes to us where we are. And, you know, he knows that we can't get to where he is. So he came where we are. And he just hangs out with us.

He just sits with us. And if you go back and look... That's another dynamic. That's another dynamic. The person is not a believer. And so that's an issue in itself, too. And I tread lightly on that, too, because, you know, I share my faith.

But, you know, in the culture that we're dealing with, you know, people are... And I don't know if the caregiver is susceptible to the same thing as, you know, somebody who's not in that position of caring for somebody. But when you want to share that faith and they don't want to hear it, then, you know, then they look at other means in which to, you know, to retaliate at you for trying to share your faith. Well, share your faith without words.

Okay? Try that. Because the only person that is going to be able to effectively convert or transform this individual is Christ, not you and me. And you don't have to go out there and preach to them the five points of Calvinism and the four spiritual laws. What you can do, though, sometimes it's even more effective, is that when you, you know, you sit with them.

You just be with them. That in itself is different. This is different. People are used to being preached at. People are used to being said, well, if you do this, this will happen. People are used to that. They're conditioned for that. They're defensive about that.

But they're not used to people caring about them. Yeah, okay. And that's a whole different thing. Just keep caring. And then if there's... One other question.

Oh, go ahead. One other question. How do I get a copy of Hope for the Caregiver? You mentioned your, you know, your location.

I know I can get it from AFR, but you mentioned your station or your organization. And I wasn't able to write it down as you were talking or mentioning it. So... Hopeforthecaregiver.com Hopeforthecaregiver.com.

Okay. That's where everything that I do is located. But the book is for sale wherever books are sold.

And that book is where, right? Hope for the Caregiver. Gotcha.

Okay. Hope for the Caregiver. Everything is Hope for the Caregiver and the podcast and so forth. But back to this thing with this other person. If you keep this path up and just, again, go back to those words. You know, they may ask you, why are you doing this? He said, well, look, I see you and I see the magnitude of what you carry and I hurt with you.

And at some point they're going to, what you're doing is going to cause them to ask why you're doing it. And that's when you have the moment to say, this is what Christ did for me. He reached into my brokenness. He reached into my heartache and rescued me. And he spoke to my sin and my messed up life. You know that old Bill Gaither tune, you know, all I had to offer him was brokenness and strife, but he made something beautiful of my life. You know that one?

No, I don't. But it makes a lot of sense. Something beautiful, something beautiful, something good. All my confusion, he understood.

You know, and that, I wish Gracie was here to sing that, because she sings better. I just play. But it's one of those things that you realize, oh, wait a minute. I'm not here to rescue this person. I'm here to reflect what Christ has done in my life. And sometimes, I think it was Augustine, one of the early church fathers, who said, you know, preach the gospel always and if necessary, use words. And you can preach the gospel in ways that you can't even imagine without talking sometimes. We have a prosthetic limb ministry.

Gracie and I started, and let me tell you something. When you put a leg on somebody or somebody's kids, even if they don't understand, I've done this, they didn't understand the language very well. You get the point across real quick. You know, sometimes it's about a cool cup of water. Sometimes it's about a clean gutter.

Sometimes it's about bringing something from the grocery store and swinging it by with some milk or whatever. It doesn't have to be much, but it's you reflecting what God has done in your life. And Carlos, it means so much that this is important to you.

It really does. You know, thank you. You made my day here, because it means so much that this is important to you.

Yes, sir. Well, thank you for what y'all are doing. And I'm going to get that book so I can, you know, further understand on how to, you know, be this salt and this light, you know, to caregivers.

Like I said, unfortunately, I'm not in that situation, you know, and it could change at any moment, because he's sovereign, but nevertheless, I want to be effective with dealing with those that I know are caregivers. So, thank you, sir. Thank you for the time. Well, thank you, and then share that book when you're done with it with your pastor. Because part of what I want to do is equip pastors.

They're sometimes the first line of, you know, of defense with these folks, and I want to equip pastors to know how to speak to them, what's going on in their headspace. And thank you for listening to this network and this show and being a part of what we're doing here. Carlos, it really means a lot, and I thank you for that, okay? See you next week. Bless you, sir. Yes, sir. You too, buddy. You too. And it's really no more complicated.

I really appreciate that call from Carlos. It's really no more complicated than that. We don't have to overthink this. We treat others the way we want to be treated with the challenges in our own lives. And we don't want somebody to come up and say, well, if you hadn't done this, you know, way to go. You know, we don't want all that. So why would we inflict that on other people?

You know, I told you so. Or, you know, God is going to get you for that. Or, wow, terrible theology. He who began a good work in you is faithful to complete it.

He who knew no sin became our sin. He came down from glory to be with us in our misery. That's the starting point for talking to all of us. Not just caregivers, but all of us. Hey, go to HopeForTheCaregiver.com. Be a part of what we're doing today. HopeForTheCaregiver.com.

We'll see you next week. Have you ever struggled to trust God when lousy things happen to you? I'm Gracie Rosenberger, and in 1983, I experienced a horrific car accident leading to 80 surgeries and both legs amputated. I questioned why God allowed something so brutal to happen to me.

But over time, my questions changed, and I discovered courage to trust God. That understanding, along with an appreciation for quality prosthetic limbs, led me to establish Standing With Hope. For more than a dozen years, we've been working with the government of Ghana and West Africa, equipping and training local workers to build and maintain quality prosthetic limbs for their own people. On a regular basis, we purchase and ship equipment and supplies.

And with the help of inmates in a Tennessee prison, we also recycle parts from donated limbs. All of this is to point others to Christ, the source of my hope and strength. Please visit standingwithhope.com to learn more and participate in lifting others up. That's standingwithhope.com. I'm Gracie, and I am standing with hope.