Words (Part 1 of 2)

What does the Bible have to say about the words we choose, the words we use? Here on Truth for Life we're going to study in the book of Proverbs called Wise Words. It's a practical series that applies God's wisdom to everyday life. Today, Alistair Begg describes the powerful effect of our words. Proverbs chapter 13—and our launching pad verse, if you like, to what is yet another topical study, unusual for us but, I think, profitable at the moment—will be the third verse. Proverbs chapter 13 and verse 3, and Solomon writes, He who guards his lips guards his life, but he who speaks rashly will come to ruin. Father, we pray now that with our Bibles open before us, you will teach us from your Word, that you will grant to us correction, that you will train us in the path of righteousness, that you will convict us of that which is displeasing to you, and that you will engender in us a genuine desire to become not only students of your book but also those who, by your divine enabling, put into practice what we learn. Save us from being tasters without benefitting from the nutrition of your Word. For we pray in Jesus' name.

Amen. It's probably superfluous for me to begin with this question, Do you remember your children's first words? Some of the dads may have a little difficulty, but most of the moms will be on it immediately. Indeed, every so often, in the course of conversation, as your children grow, something triggers in your mind the first phraseology of their tiny lives, and you get very nostalgic about it, and you tell them, I remember exactly what it was you said. As young parents, we were very eager to hear our children put a phrase together—any kind of phrase.

It would be fine. Just say something. We're desperate, having found that they can walk to discover if they're able to talk. We recall, even now, through the years, the inexpressible joy that was represented in hearing them say for the very first time, Daddy, or Mummy, or My Daddy, which would be even better, or My Mom. We can recall still, those of us who were a little older, the evenings when we inquired of them how their day had been, and we listened attentively as they recounted the activities of the day, giving us a blow-by-blow account—far more information than we were bargaining for, and yet still, in the infancy of it all, enthralled by their words, we listened carefully, rejoicing in every aspect of the tale. Then, somewhere inexplicably along the journey, things began to change. It was probably a car journey for many of us when the moment of distinction appeared. We found ourselves demanding that the lips to which we had begun to listen with great care should be closed indefinitely and until further notice. We may not have put it in those terms, but the children in the back were in no doubt. And it was, for many of us, dramatically revealed the distinction when, on a road trip to Florida, we found that we were aging dramatically as the myelometer ticked over, and we saw in the rearview mirror a picture of what we thought was our father.

But it was actually us. And we heard, coming from our lips, words that we had sworn we would never, ever say. And we started to say in exasperation, if you've got nothing kind to say, or if I hear that word from you again, I'm gonna pull the car over, or when we get there, if you say that one more time, I'll wash your mouth out with disgusting soap. And so it was that from the lips of our children, we were forcibly reminded of what we as adults knew to our cost and to our shame—that as Solomon puts it in Proverbs, the tongue has the power of both life and death. Or as James in chapter 3, as we read it, says it so succinctly, out of the same mouth comes praise and cursing—an inconsistency which is not impossible but which nevertheless is incongruous. And as our children grew, they began to remind us of the fact that words are seldom neutral.

Indeed, in the week that has passed, we have employed words, adverbs, adjectives, verbs, nouns, the whole deal, putting them together in a way that had the potential for engendering strife, creating confusion, dissension amongst those who, until that point, were getting along quite happily. We also have known, I hope, in the week that is gone, the ability to put phraseology together in such a way so as to encourage our listeners, to nourish them, and to heal them. It's already apparent that we have moved from the consideration of friendship and laziness and jealousy to put ourselves under the searching gaze of Scripture as the spotlight turns onto all the nooks and crannies in our life and probes us, exposing what we're really like in the matter of our mouths, our lips, our words. We taught our children to sing, O be careful little feet where you go, O be careful little eyes what you see, O be careful little hands what you touch, and be careful little lips what you say.

For there's a Father up above, and he's looking down in love, so be careful little lips what you say. We were simply, in verse, affirming the story of Hebrews 4 that every word that is spoken is heard by God, that nothing misses his gaze, that our lives are exposed before him, and the Bible has an inevitably uncanny capacity to discriminate and to search and to probe the very recesses of that which we seek even to hide from ourselves. Said Brooks, one of the Puritans, We know metals by their tinkling, and men by their talking. And when coins were coins, you could flip a coin, have your eyes closed, and you could say, That is a nickel, or that is a dime, or whatever it is. Some of you who have lived a long time probably still possess that capacity.

But certainly there was a big difference between the copper of a ha'penny or a penny in Scotland and a sovereign or a half-sovereign. Just to flick it in your hand, you would know by its tinkling what it was, says Brooks, and we know men by their talking. I want to view it from three perspectives—using words to harm, using words to help, using words to hide. Using words to harm, to help, to hide. First of all, then, it is an abuse of language when we use words to harm. This, says the Bible, is a sin that is to be avoided—a sin that is not unknown to any of us. Indeed, it is one of the distinctive facts of the fallenness of humanity that we do not need to teach our children how to use words that will be harmful or hurtful.

They're just doing what comes naturally to them. What are the characteristics of words that harm? Well, there are many. Let me just give you three words to summarize it. First of all, reckless words. Reckless words. I'm not going to give you every reference in Proverbs. It will be tedious.

But you can search, and I think you'll find that they're all there. Every so often I'll give you one just because I will. Proverbs 12 verse 18. Reckless words pierce like a sword. Reckless words pierce like a sword. The picture is of somebody unsheathing a sword and moving it around in an unceremonious and unguarded fashion.

Or, in the picture of the Western on television, the fellow takes his guns out of his pocket and fires indiscriminately into the sandy street underneath the person who is forced to jump and try and avoid the indiscriminate use of this firepower. Secondly, and along with reckless, the words which harm are unguarded words. Unguarded words. Solomon speaks of he who answers before listening.

And he says, that is to his folly and his shame. We know what it is to answer before the question, don't we? Doctors do it. I wanted to tell you how I'm feeling. Let me prescribe for you.

No, I'm sorry. Pastors do it. They begin preaching before the person has shared their story.

Husbands begin answering before their wives have told them what their concern was. And it is unguarded talk that begins to volunteer the information before the person has even time to take and to listen. And this unguarded, reckless, unbridled use of the tongue, said one of the Puritans, is the chariot in which the devil writes. Thirdly, words which are harmful are far too numerous—far too numerous. When words are many, sin is not absent. It really makes sense, doesn't it, just in terms of the law of averages, that if we speak and we begin to speak too much, inevitably there will be things that are said that we wished we hadn't said, things that we would like to take back and can't, words that we let slip out that we really never intended to use, things that we said about another person that we really should have kept to ourselves.

And the problem is in the volume of it all. Words, words, too many words. When words are many, sin is not absent. And by these words, we can destroy our neighbor, crush the feelings of a friend, set fire to relationships between people.

Just with our words. Phenomenal potential for harm. One wrong word may spoil a person's character, smear a person's reputation, mar the usefulness of someone's life for a very long time as a result of the use of words to harm. Says the poet in not-very-good poetry, A careless word may kindle strife, A cruel word may wreck a life, A bitter word may hate instill, A brutal word may smite and kill. And James, of course, develops all of this. You can read it for your homework. He says, you know, the source of all of this is nothing other than hell.

It is from the pit. The course along which it makes its journey is through the totality of a life. It is wrong for us to think that our words are somehow isolated from our characters, that we can speak in a way that is reckless, unguarded, profuse, without somehow or another inhabiting and infecting the unfolding of who we are as a person.

It affects the whole course of our lives. And its forcefulness is such that while we may be able to take Shamu in Sea World and make it do all manner of things—no man, he says, has the power to tame the tongue. It is a restless evil full of deadly poison. Now, that language is straightforward.

It's clear. It's unavoidable. It's dreadfully painful, because all of us understand it. And when we use our tongues in a way that is harmful, a number of things will inevitably follow.

One, we will divide people who should be friends. Proverbs 16.28, a perverse man stirs up dissension, and a gossip separates friends. In Britain, we refer to somebody, a man or a woman, as being a stirrer. The individual stirs it up.

They're not in the room two minutes till they've got one person set against another person. Did you hear about this? Do you know what she said?

I was just talking on the phone to so-and-so, and she said such-and-such. I'm only telling you this because it's true. I just have a little prayer request for you in the corner.

Yeah, sure. A perverse individual stirs up dissension. A gossip separates friends. Said Pascal, the mathematician and philosopher, I lay it as a fact that if all men knew what others say of them, there would not be four friends in the world.

Now, there may be a cynicism attached to that, but there's also great reality to it. That's why it's not important to say everything all the time. Certain things are just best left unsaid.

Because we all say stupid things. You know, the little doggerel that we teach our children again is, If your lips would keep from slips, five things observe with care. To whom you speak, of whom you speak, and how and when and where.

It's pretty good. To whom you're speaking, of whom you're speaking, how you're speaking, when you're speaking, and where you're speaking. Now, if we get realistic about this, then we can cut each other a whole lot more slack if we're prepared to acknowledge how easily our own tongues are unguarded—how easy it is for us to be reckless by taking out the sword of our tongues and cutting a great sway through relationships. We know we can do that. Therefore, why are we surprised if someone else does it? That is not to acquiesce to it, to tolerate it, but rather by God's enabling to seek to banish it. But it is not to think too much of the dumb things that have been said, the untrue things that have been said, the malicious things that have been said.

What else did you expect? For it would only be a perfect man who never offended in his words, says James, and only one—namely, Jesus—that they marveled at the gracious, tender, kind words that came from his lips. Think about it. It's not difficult to estimate how many friendships are broken, how many reputations are ruined, the peace of how many homes destroyed through careless words. Words that harm divide people. I have two other points. I'm just going to give you the two of them.

I can't expand on them. Harmful words destroy the praise of God's people. Ephesians 5, be filled with the Spirit. Ephesians 4, do not grieve the Spirit. How do you grieve the Spirit? In part, by the use of words that harm. You cannot—it is impossible—to have a vibrant, meaningful praise service comprising people who have spent the week with prattling tongues.

You can make a noise, you can sing the melodies, you can engender all kinds of emotional experiences. But the reality of divine, Spirit-filled praise is hindered by the harmful use of my tongue. That's why James puts his finger on it. He says, Brethren, are you really going to do it this way? Are you really going to move from cursing men to praising God? And these men were made in the likeness of God.

Don't you realize how incongruous that is, he says? And also, the use of words that are harmful not only divides people and destroys praise, but it diminishes the progress of the people of God. In Jeremiah 7, read it for homework. Jeremiah speaks to the people there, and he says, You know, you folks think you're going forward.

I've got news for you. You're going backwards. And the reason that you're going backwards, he says, is because the plain instruction of God to you, you have got your fingers in your ears when it comes to listening, and you've got your eyes closed when it comes to seeing, and you're moving in the wrong direction. And at the heart of it all, in verse 28, he says, truth has vanished from their lips. Truth has vanished from their lips. They're now going backwards.

And the tragedy is, they think they're going forwards. Three things never come back—the spent arrow, the spoken word, and the lost opportunity. The spent arrow, the spoken word, and the lost opportunity.

You know the story of the lady who goes to her pastor, confesses to him that she's been guilty of spreading a malicious rumor around their town. She feels badly about it. She asks for his help. He says, What I want you to do is get a bag of chicken feathers and take them and place them on every doorstep in the whole community, and then come back to me. And she returned. She said, I did it. And now he said, What I want you to do is go back down the same pathways and gather up all the feathers, put them back in the bag, and bring them back.

Oh, said the lady, but wait a minute. The wind has been blowing in my absence. They're everywhere. Yes, says the pastor, they are. And so are your words. And you can be forgiven, but you can't get them back. You see how quickly we can destroy a friendship, decimate a relationship, crush the spirit of someone? With just this little three-inch by five-inch piece of mucous membrane that all of us have stuck in here, hidden behind our teeth?

Very uncomfortable, isn't it? I find it so. So let's turn to the positive side, see if that's a little better. If the words that harm are reckless, unguarded, and too numerous, how about employing words to help?

What will they be marked by? Well, let me tell you without expansion. Number one, they need always to be honest words. Honest words. Kings take pleasure in honest lips.

They value a man who speaks the truth. Secondly, they need to be thought-out words. The heart of the righteous weighs its answers, but the mouth of the wicked gushes evil. What a great verb!

Gushes evil. The difference between the circumspect use of language and the completely unbridled, reckless use of terminology. Someone says, I had a question about such and such, and instead of simply getting a word, they get a dictionary. I had this happen to me just the other day.

It was actually humorous at the time and a little painful. Someone asked me about a tag on my golf bag. They asked me to pronounce the word. I pronounced the word, and then I told them that it was an Indian word, and then I told them what the Indian word meant, and I told them how it related to a pigeon that was now extinct in the Smithsonian Institute, and a man had made… And I was well into this, and the person who'd asked the question, How do you pronounce the word? I heard him saying from just off the tee, Well, that's a lot more information than I was looking for.

So I just kind of, like, dribble to a conclusion and try to hit the ball. But it's the difference between gushing and having an ordered response. The words that help will also be few rather than many. Solomon deals with this quite ironically in chapter 17, when he says, Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent and discerning if he holds his tongue.

Well, we know this from school, many of us, don't we? You sit in the chemistry class, you've got to make sure you sit next to the right person, somebody who knows what he's talking about, an intelligent group. Don't sit with the clowns, whatever they are.

If you are a clown, move in with the rest and say absolutely nothing. Learn the art of nodding and shaking and the pursing of the lips and the the deep thinking of the ramifications of these great theories and hopefully volunteer nothing at all because even a fool is thought wise if he stays silent and you may be taken as discerning if you hold your tongue. Alistair Begg with Wisdom from the Book of Proverbs, our series called Wise Words on Truth for Life, and Alistair is here again with a special invitation. Well, thank you, Bob, and it's me again, yes, saying why not come and cruise with us at the end of August as we make our way up the Alaskan coastline? You've probably heard me already identifying the fact that I love making new friends, becoming acquainted with the people who have supported our ministry for a long time, and also enjoying the opportunity together to look into the Bible. My part is to teach the Bible, and I'm joined by my friends Laura Story and Michael O'Brien, who will be encouraging us as we give to God the praise which he alone deserves. All the things that we'll see along the way I'm sure we will enjoy, but probably the lasting benefit that we will take from it is that God has met with us as we have had the privilege of being with one another. So mark your calendar for late August.

Come along. I think it will be an unforgettable journey. And the website and the phone number, Bob will give to you.

That's right. The website is deeperfaithcruise.com, or you can call 855-565-5519. And if you've been enjoying our series in the Book of Proverbs, let me mention our featured book, which is called Living Well. This is a perfect complement to further your study in Proverbs. Find out more about the book on our website truthforlife.org or by using the mobile app. I'm Bob Lapine, hoping you'll join us tomorrow for the conclusion of this message called Words. The Bible teaching of Alistair Begg is furnished by Truth for Life, where the Learning is for Living.